here is a nlm president ctubbo work in progress.. just while im here :)

Flailing about ‘The Good Place,’ Come Join Me...

I purposefully watched the season finale of NBC’s The Good Place as the inauguration took place today, and it was the BEST decision I’ve made in a long time. I mean HOLY PLOT TWIST, but also it offered a conviction I needed to step into this first day of The Angry Cheeto. 

(Yes, a half-hour comedy did more for me than any of those think pieces I read. Of course it did cause it’s created by Mike Schur...)

Why and what I mean under the Read More... 

When the show first aired I wrote about why I loved it, and one reason was because it delved into virtue ethics: 

Virtue ethics is my jam, and I’m pretty sure that it is the underlying thesis of this show. There’s a reason why Chidi starts with Plato and Aristotle in Eleanor’s lesson in Ep. 2. They are seen as the forefathers of virtue ethics.

But here’s why virtue ethics makes me happy in the context of this show…no single character is “good.” I think we’ll see “good” as a category for people thoroughly dismantled without rejecting virtue. That makes me happy.

Take Eleanor. Eleanor is the most “not good” to the point that she doesn’t belong there - (though I argue that she does and whatever is happening to “The Good Place” is not happening because she doesn’t belong there) but in Ep. 3 it’s Eleanor who gets it right about Chidi’s manuscript. Not Michael. Not Chidi. 

She defends his work and passion while also making space for it being unintelligible and she’s the one who says don’t give up on it. Eleanor is a lot of things, but when she applies her own self-regard (i.e. what makes me happy) onto other people she can be a good friend. On the other hand, Chidi is better at regard for others, but struggles with his own self-regard. He was ready to give up what made him happy because one person (Michael) said he should.

And that’s exactly what they’ve done.

An episode before the finale was titled “What’s my motivation?” and THAT was Eleanor’s epiphany moment for the season. The show has slowly built up to the argument that Intent AND action are inexplicably linked. 

Chidi and Tahani are the ultimate example of this. Chidi is in the bad place because his intent lacked action, and Tahani is in the bad place because her actions lacked the proper motivation. There are two words that have fallen out of common use that perfectly describe Chidi and Tahani’s struggles: 

acedia - the neglect to take care of something that one should do

vainglory - unjustified boasting

We see this in the quandary of the Medium Place; they couldn’t decide what should count more Mindy St. Clair’s intent or her actions? Neither GOOD nor BAD had any room for both.

To be human is have intent AND to take action; good and bad as categories erase that relationship and make us less humane.

It’s really fucking important that Michael realizes that the mistake he made was putting Eleanor, Jason, Tahani, and Chidi near one another and the fix is to put them F U R T H E R apart. 

In the same way, when Eleanor has moments to save herself and her friends what does she do? She leaves for herself two words: Find Chidi. 

We need one another. 

(It’s not lost on me that these four characters all have different ethnicities, socioeconomic backgrounds, education, etc. - that THESE four need one another is it’s own statement entirely.) 

I think the show is arguing that when we reduce the world to us vs. them categories we do create a living hell, but there is another way to see and be. 

We can define ourselves on the relationship between our intent and action. it isn’t just about how your context has affected your intent (i.e. Eleanor realizing that she needed to stop blaming her hurtful behavior on being hurt by her parents. But also it isn’t limited to your actions  (i.e. Eleanor trying to get enough points to stay in the Good Place last week); your motivation, your why, matters. 

The Angry Cheeto is trying to sell a world of us vs. them; he’s not the first and he won’t be the last. How does that work? 

By moving us F U R T H E R apart from one another. Literally by making the rich richer and the poor poorer, by stratifying housing and urban development, etc. Figuratively, by reducing people to mocking nick names like Crooked Hillary and using despicable stereotypes like the idea that most immigrants are criminals. 

By erasing our memories through an endless news cycle of noise that exhausts us. 

By creating the illusion of something (say maybe his wealth?) rather than the real thing (like maybe a few tax returns and disclosure of conflicts of interest?). 

Good vs. bad relies on a works-based system of understanding people; you deserve something based on how hard you worked - your actions - and the Angry Cheeto subscribes to this worldview 1000%. For example, it’s very hard within a work’s based point of view to make space for one’s privilege. To recognize privilege is to admit your accomplishments and sense of identity were not entirely of your own making. The Angry Cheeto has shown no capacity for such humiility. That was on display during the Republican convention this summer - HE is going to save America. HE is smarter than all the generals. HE has a very good brain. HE has all the words. This works based, good vs. bad perspective literally strips one’s humanity because it is so damn rigid. It’s dangerous in a president, a representative of all of us because it makes you less humane toward others because you keep looking at their actions without making space for intent. 

Still, intent is not enough; you’ve gotta take action. You’ve gotta vote, show up, speak up, ACT. I learned that this past November in a way that keeps me up at night. 

I believe that there is a more humane way of seeing the world and ourselves. It is bound up in this thesis for which The Good Place is advocating. We should actively resist - to the best of our abilities, starting in our own lives and communities - the reduction of people to good vs. bad and we need to protest any action that would move us further apart from one another. 

When Eleanor was alive her mantra was - I take care of me so I don’t have to take care of you - and what made the bad place a good place for Eleanor is that she learned there is another way of existing. Her motivation was important, her actions powerful, and that being F U R T H E R apart from people is the most dangerous thing that could happen. That’s why in that split second that was the best chance she could give herself: Find Chidi. 

May we all in the coming days, months, and years do the same...

Mercy Continues

Even though life has been in the way of updating this blog, that does not mean my thoughts have stopped…nor my experiences as a pilgrim.

My pilgrimage to Assisi, Rome, and Krakow has seemed to have left an indelible mark on my spirit. During my travels, I visited new places and returned to old. I met new people and saw familiar faces in a different light. I tried new things and engaged in the same routine with a renewed vision. I walked through doors of Mercy that have been opened to pilgrims for hundreds of years, strolled down roads in the home town of saints, and stood in silence before the Gates of Hell.  I visited the home town of a beloved pope and listened to the wisdom of another. I found joy in difficult moments and saw hope flourish from the ashes of hate. 

My suitcase didn’t come back heavier with souvenirs. I couldn’t seem to stop for a moment to go shopping because I wanted to experience every movement to it’s fullest. I did end up bringing back with me two things: Mercy and Trust. 

As it was the Year of Mercy, this is a no brainer.  The Divine Mercy Chaplet was said throughout the pilgrimage, we walked the pilgrimage walk of Mercy in Rome, and in every reflection we heard from the Pope, a Cardinal, Bishop, Priest, Deacon, or Lay Person Mercy was in their words.  We were in the chapel where Christ asked us to pray for Divine Mercy and received Mercy through the sacrament of Reconciliation in its shadow.  

In the Field of Mercy pilgrims could receive the sacrament of Reconciliation. In the background is the Shrine of Divine Mercy built next to the small chapel (green roof) where St. Faustina received Jesus’ message to give the Divine Mercy Image to the world along with the Divine Mercy Chaplet. 

Trust was another gift that was given. On pilgrimage, you often have to rely on the goodness and kindness of others. You have to trust others to lead you where you need to go or trust that you can find your own way. You have to trust that you can figure out problems when they arise. You have to trust that you will be able to walk when you feel like your feet cannot carry you any further. The phrase “Jesus, I trust in You,” echoed in my heart with every step I took. When I faltered and failed to trust, those words came back and I literally saw the light (true story: I was looking for a candle during the evening vigil in Campus Misericordiae and started to panic with the thought that I wasn’t going to take part in this important moment. I left my group and found found where they were distributing the candles. Relieved, I came back to my group, only to find that they already received candles. Should have trusted…).  

Me waking up in Campus Misericordae along with a million of my closest friends. 

So why am I writing this now? I’ve been back for six months. Why now?

My beloved country is on the eve of a tradition that has taken place 44 times in its history: the peaceful transition of power from one president to another. There are strong opinions and thoughts on both sides. Celebration and fear. Hope and despair. Optimism and pessimism.  Activism and apathy. Civility and bullying. Pulling each other up while some push others down. We’ve seem to be a country of extremes. 

While I am not happy with the results of the election, as we were reminded while watching “Sherlock” on PBS, “It is what it is.” We can’t change the results of the election. We just can’t. But we can change how we respond. 

My prayer for the United States of America is three fold: One for Mercy, One for Trust, and one for Unity.

Prayer for Mercy: Mercy, as I have come to understand it, is the loving compassion we can show another person, even if we feel like they don’t deserve it. Giving and showing Mercy is one of the strongest things anyone can do. This election cycle has challenged me in this aspect. I am not a fan of the man that was elected president. His words and deeds have hurt me, have marginalized others, and have been against my values (especially on the topics of giving dignity to each human life). And yet I am called to love him as a child of God. I am called to give him Mercy. That does not mean staying silent when his actions will end up hurting others or go against the values of Catholic Social Teaching. It is the duty of every citizen to speak up for the marginalized and give voice to the voiceless.  But we must do it with Mercy. We must speak about our neighbors with compassion and understanding. We must continue to give and be love even if we don’t agree. At the end of the day, our next president is just a human man, with faults and, though this is an assumption, a sad, lonely life. And our neighbors who we disagree with want to find their place in the world as much as we do. Name calling and spewing hate will not win battles. It will only deepen the wound. As St. Faustina wrote, “Be always Merciful.” 

Prayer for Trust: There’s a lot of apprehension and uncertainty within many of my fellow citizens, myself included. Change is scary especially if we didn’t want the kind of change we are receiving. If we are to look to someone’s past as a predictor of what they might do in the future…well, we might have the right to be nervous. Those who depend on the Affordable Care Act for health insurance are right to be concerned that they may loose it. Those who depend on the DREAM act to receive dignity as a worker have a right to be anxious. There is a lot to be uncertain of and we have the duty, the obligation to take action if our neighbor’s dignity is under threat. Even through all of this, we are called to trust. “Jesus, I trust in You,” the saying at the feet of Jesus in the Divine Mercy image, isn’t there because it makes a pretty border.  It’s there because that’s what Christ is asking us to do: trust in Him. Through that trust, mercy can flow. Through that trust, our hearts open to loving others more purely. Through that trust, we find solace and comfort. It’s like when Jesus called Peter to walk out of the boat and into the storm. Peter initially thought that the safest place was where he was standing, on the wooden floor of the boat. When he gave in and allowed himself to fully trust in Jesus he was able to walk out into the raging water and clearly see the face of Christ. We might be walking into a storm of uncertainty and despair right now, but when we trust in God…oh the wonders that we can achieve! Imagine a world of love and forgiveness and mercy. When we open ourselves and listen to what God is calling us to do and to be, we can make something beautiful together!

Prayer for Unity: We can’t do anything alone. That might need to be America’s mantra for the next few years. I can’t do anything alone. When I push people away, I miss out on the opportunity to learn from someone else, even if it is a clearer understanding of what we disagree on. I can’t do my job without interacting with others. I can’t go to the grocery story without realizing that the food I am buying was placed on the shelf by a person, and before that, was packaged by a group of people, and before that was grown by human hands. Everything I own is because of interconnections of our existence. Martin Luther King Jr. once said:  “In a real sense all life is inter-related. All men are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be, and you can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be… This is the inter-related structure of reality.” When my neighbor’s house is on fire, I can’t stand there and watch it burn because my house might catch fire next. In order for me to succeed, my neighbor has to succeed along with me.  On the night I was searching for a candle, Pope Francis was delivering a homily. I remember very clearly hearing Pope Francis call for us the young people of the world, to do one simple task: Build bridges made of living hands reaching out to each other. 

There is so much good in each other that we miss it when we are focusing on our differences. When we are yelling and accusing, we forget to treat the other with love and respect as God has called us to. What would happen if we challenge ourselves to work with or talk to someone whose political background is different than our own? I’m guessing the bridges of prejudice and judgement would disappear and we will instead gain a deeper appreciation for the unique, loved person that they are. We might even find that we share some of the same values. In other words…

Leslie Knope is my spirit animal. I once, unknowingly, ate at the same waffle restaurant in Washington DC as she did in “Parks and Recreation.” When I found out, I about died out of sheer happiness. 

On this inauguration day, I’m going to spend it doing what I always do: go to work, interact with a vast array of people, and help whenever I can. I’ll probably add in there a Divine Mercy Chaplet (or 3). Join me in prayer if you would like. Exercise your constitutional right to express your thoughts and opinions. Be kind to your neighbor. Be Mercy. 

Pax et Bonum  Peace and All Goodness

Vicky

PS: I created a playlist that was inspired by this pilgrimage. Enjoy!

19 People Reveal the Reason They Said No After a Public Marriage Proposal

These floors are poignant, cringe-worthy, and wholly rough in the best reduction bad methods possible. Here’s a piece of advice: Maybe talk to your marriage and make sure you’re on the same sheet before you ruin everything with a public proposal gone totally wrong. Advertisement div > And souls! Hot tip: Wedlock is not going to fix rapport questions! Public overtures when women don’t want or is looking forward to, or when you propose to try and trick or guilt the status of women into saying yes, is a form of misuse! There’s a decoration to many of these tales, and, well … it’s not flatter, guys. Advertisement div > div > via: Shutterstock I had left my ex due to the fact that he misled on me with both men and women. And each time he would get too wino, he would confess to me that he was gay . em> He was distraught for weeks and asked me to convene him in person to talk so I agreed . em> He proposed to me in the McDonald’s parking lot and I read f ** k no . em> –blairsmash Advertisement div > div > via: Shutterstock Not me but my husband was at a target one day and saw this person get down on one knee at the entry and proposed. The wife apparently looked at him and then moved right back away the accumulation . em> –CatPatronus Advertisement div > div > via: Shutterstock He invited his family from Italy, their own families from Delaware and had an affair on my birthday. Where he was SO SURE I’d say yes … I’m not gonna lie I seemed bad for a few minutes . em> –scorpiolafuega Advertisement div > div > via: Shutterstock I wanted to propose to my partner at our favorite bar on New Year’s Eve, right as the clod made zero, with her sister and her sister’s lover in attendance . em> She somehow got wind and put an ultimate stop to it. She did not want to be proposed to in public and made it very clear she would say No in as public a demeanour as possible if I still did it . em> So I delayed relevant proposals two months until the end of February on our Valentine’s Day date( I had been out of township for two weeks starting on the 13 th ). Took her out for dinner, then made her to our favorite distinguish on the mountain that overlooked the entire city and the pool and the cruise liner and did it there at midnight. Public proposals can be really seedy if not done right or if you don’t know your marriage . em> –Broken_Polls Advertisement via: Shutterstock A friend and I formerly clambered to the top of the O2/ Millenium Dome in London. It’s a entire situation where you have a navigate, and you put on safe rig and you climb up the dome with about 30 others in single file . em> Once at the top the navigate told us about a previous climb where a chap proposed to his sweetheart, she did no, and they had to climb down separately with him screaming all the direction . em> –nurseclank Advertisement div > div > via: Shutterstock Not me but a love. She went to London for her college exchange program and had a beautiful love story with an English person, then is coming and they were talking on Skype almost every day for a year. She started having second thoughts and he asks what he could do to fix it. She told him to come to Brazil so they could see if the spell was still there . em> He booked a flight the next day. After two large weeks together, he was even more in love and she ruled she should move on . em> She took him to the airport and he proposed right at the gate. She announced no and left. Brutal . –Dehast Advertisement div > div > via: Shutterstock My girlfriend’s sweetheart before me proposed to her. It was at her favorite common. So actually, it was a nice overture. The question was it hadn’t even been a year since they started dating and the latter are having difficulties at the time. She clearly examined that they weren’t working and wanted to break up . em> He pretty much just wanted someone to raise his daughter for him. She broke up with him and had to drove him residence while he cried . em> He then threatened to kill himself. He’s now married to someone else who he proposed to after a few months . em> –AsinineBinkie Advertisement div > div > via: Shutterstock Not my narrative, but my friend’s. A guy she had known from work for about one year invited members to lunch, she usurped as acquaintances because he had a girlfriend for the whole day my friend knew him. Anyway, they went to O’Charley’s, and he started telling her about how he had received Jesus . em> Apparently, Jesus came to him in a fantasy and told him that he and my friend were destined to be together, so he got down on one knee in O’Charley’s and proposed. She diminished and GTFO’ed. – em> Stevioso Advertisement div > div > via: Shutterstock Because I was in an actual affair with someone else. And I was also 16 years old . em> And the proposer was my 30 -year-old coworker . em> A restraining order was eventually filed . em> –kevinsorboisagod Advertisement via: Shutterstock We’d been friends for about three years and I ultimately agreed to give him an opportunity and used to go with him . em> He registered up at my job, after 2 years, when I’d told him the night before I thought we were better off as” time friends “. em> He invested $8000 on a doughnut, made a sight of himself, and refused to leave my workplace parking lots after I responded: “Sorry, no”. The police had to be called to escort him away . em> Edit: We are no longer acquaintances . em> –sweetalkersweetalker Advertisement div > div > via: Shutterstock Because when you’re recuperating from maiming social anxiety and your suitor proposes to you at the Trevi Fountain surrounded by applauding people, it draws you interrogation how well he knows you . em> –NotYourEverydayHero Advertisement div > div > via: Shutterstock Because : em> 1) proposing to me at a sports event was all about him and good-for-nothing to do with us as a couple or me as his partner — much like the rest of our relationship . em> 2) I refused to be steamrolled by the pressure of it being everything there is and reading yes as a result — much like the rest of our relationship . em> 3) “were not” in a good sit in our relationship, we had talked about that at length. he had chosen to ignore that — much like the rest of our relationship . em> I’ve known one other person who also said no to a public overture, and the background was very similar: the person proposing had chosen( or was either so self-involved they didn’t even think it is right it) to ignored their partner’s wishes/ speculations/ wants and got caught up in it with themselves . em> –IAm_TulipFace Advertisement div > div > via: Shutterstock I formerly learnt a guy propose in a eatery where he had a imagination violin player come into a not-so-fancy diner( Perkins ). He made a big incident, and she supposed: “absolutely not”. They both left soon after. It was super unpleasant . em> Nonetheless, my friend told me his co-worker experienced the same happening that same weekend at a different diner, so either two guys had very poorly thought out sentiments, or someone was making a prank video . em> I research YouTube for it every now and then, but never obtained it . em> –chuck_cascio Advertisement div > div > via: Shutterstock We had gone on 3 appointments. I was Mormon at the time, so that wasn’t perfectly surprising. He was actually shocked and hurt because I suspect he recollected 3 times was batch of time to know we should be together. Evaded a f ** king missile . em> –cohen1 4722 Advertisement via: Shutterstock We had been dating approximately four months. I had the mistrust she was also cheating on me with my brother . em> We went out to a fancy diner one evening, like their own families get-together circumstance so my brother was there . em> Just before dessert was provided, she stood up and made this whole speech about how I’m the adore of her life … Blah blah. She got down on one knee and popped the question. I was so embarrassed, and I told her no . em> ‘ that’s okay’ she shrugged and became right over to my brother and inaugurated kind of slapdash making out with him in front of our entire category. My parents were appalled . em> I’m still in stupor . em> They’ve been together ever since . em> –Blair_Bubbles Advertisement div > div > via: Shutterstock It was in front of both sets of mothers, and it was the only time in my life, before or since, that I literally discovered a expression in my president. The expression enunciated N O O O O . –frankbrutally Advertisement div > div > via: Shutterstock I went on a first time with a person. He wanted to go to a baseball game. I don’t really like baseball, but I enunciated ok. Next thing I know, upturn! in the second inning the cameras come down to our sit, he gets on his knees and proposes . em> I freaked out and basically ran away. Curves out he does this all the time so he was able to sit there for the rest of the game coming relief beers from people around him . em> –trjones1 Advertisement div > div > via: Shutterstock Because she proposed the night of our first date. When I requested her what the hell she was thinking, she tried to explain that she thought we really stumbled off. I really want to mention, we did not hit it off . em> She feed the majority of members of her steak with her handwritings and when I was telling floors( to start up a conference) she looked at me like I was a sacred prophet, teaching her . em> –Qwerter_Mash Advertisement div > div > via: Shutterstock My( now ex) suitor and I had been on the rocks, and the relationship was clearly coming to an intention. But, for him, that was unacceptable. So, one weekend when we were out grabbing ice cream, he got down on his knee and proposed. I simply stood up, told him no, and walked away. I texted him to never contact me again, and “thats been” the end of it. He moved me down online about a year later and asked if I wanted to join him for a movie, and I just blocked him . em> –NihilisticHobbit There’s someone in their own lives who are required this strand right now. Share this with them! Advertisement Read more: http :// twentytwowords.com/ people-reveal-the-reason-they-said-no-after-a-public-marriage-proposal / http://dailybuzznetwork.com/index.php/2018/06/05/19-people-reveal-the-reason-they-said-no-after-a-public-marriage-proposal/