Girlboss and malewife O/pli/ta annoys me because it's basically the Transformers iteration of a tendency I see way too often in fandom, which is that M/F shippers have a weird complex about shipping straight relationships so they compensate for it by making it as 💕 progressive 💕 as possible. Which for some reason always translates to borderline abusive dynamics where the M character is a grovelling simp that has no personality outside of loving the F character who's a total hardcore girlboss that doms and pegs and is super accomplished while the M character is just a househusband. It was just like this in the r/ey/lo fandom too lmao. Some people are sooo insecure about having het ships (and honestly, are highkey sexist) that they're incapable of writing men and women having normal romantic/sexual relationships and it's so weird.

Hellraiser Fandom and the Invisibility of Women’s Abuse

I’m starting to come to terms with why the Last Drive In interviews stuck with me in a bad way.

It kind of eluded me for a while, but to give you guys the emotional lead-up to what was underlying my sense of discomfort and irritation, let me explain a few things. When I heard the interview was going to happen, I watched some portions of a different Last Drive In episode to get a sense of what the whole thing was about. It’s your standard hosted horror movie show. 

It’s also awkwardly sexist. They have a character on it, Darcy The Mail Girl, who as far as I could tell in my first viewing, basically exists on the show to be ogled and be the butt of sexual humor. The men filming would even break the fourth wall to snicker and whistle when she would say something sexual. In 2020, it was extraordinarily cringe-worthy to watch, and I’m at a loss that we’re still living in a world where this is normalized. It was like watching something from the 80′s. She is extremely objectified on the show. 

I don’t blame her for this. Apparently, she was the victim of some awful bullying and body-shaming fairly recently, and I don’t want to put more suffering on that girl’s shoulders. I respect her. I think she respects herself. The circumstances surrounding a woman being in a position like this are complicated, and I do not pretend to understand her situation. She’s also allowed her own feelings about what she can and cannot handle, and what is and is not okay with her.

Nevertheless, the segment I saw in that other episode with Darcy was alienating and even rather upsetting. I felt a second-hand humiliation and pain. I didn’t feel like Darcy was put in a position where she was in control of her own sexual expression. Perhaps Darcy’s actress disagrees with me, and that’s fine. But as a female audience member, I was already feeling a sense of unease and unwelcome.

So I was obviously primed for discomfort before the interviews even started.

Joe Bob Briggs (the host) said a few things that did not sit quite right with me. Quite frankly, he repeated some more annoying fanboy statements that tend to stick in my craw. His rather basic interpretation of the film, juxtaposed against the awkward, stifling feeling of watching Doug and Ashley try to explain the deeper concepts that eluded him reminded my of my own frustrations listening to the male fans of these films’ constant comprehension failure.

How many times does Doug have to repeat the words he’s basically memorized by heart regarding the tragedy and complex nature of Pinhead? Why does this get forgotten, glossed over, even retconned so much?

Why does it always feel like Ashley gets disregarded? Every time we see an interview with her (which is comparatively rare), nobody really speaks to the deeper thoughts she expresses on her character or the narrative, but every man in the comments has something to say about her hotness level.

When we got to the point that Ashley tried to explain to Briggs that she thought Pinhead was fair in a certain scene, and that Pinhead was speaking to Kirsty’s accountability for her own desires, Briggs responds incredulously; “You think Kirsty OWES Pinhead?!” 

Ashley had spent a portion of the interview having to dismiss the relevance of characters like Steve and Kyle in Kirsty’s life, and was now suggesting a deeper subtext in her interactions with Pinhead that both A) did not cast Kirsty as pure and sexless and without culpability, and B) did not cast Pinhead as her aggressor but as her psychological mirror. 

This is the subtext that is most often disregarded by casual fans and some hardcore fans alike, that Kirsty may not be the innocent and sexless Final Girl, and that Pinhead may not be the predatory Slasher monster intent on using a sharp weapon to penetrate her violently for his own gratification, and that dynamic may not be the be-all-end all of their relationship for the rest of time.

I’ve been turning Brigg’s incredulous response around in my brain for a while. And it’s made me realize something about how men experience Hellraiser’s narrative, and why it differs so greatly for many women.

Doug has more than once spoken to the fact that women react to Pinhead very differently than men. He was of course speaking of the sexual interest he would get, but he has remarked upon the fact at least once that he’s not entirely sure why that is, exactly.

It’s...not that strange to me that women desire rather than fear the character, or that Ashley would have a more positive response to Kirsty’s relationship with him rather than her relationships with the seemingly benign boys of the films. 

There is an order to which women first learn about sex. For some it’s a little different but I believe this is a fairly common experience: The very first thing we learn is that it’s going to hurt (but maybe also feel good after). The second thing we learn is that boys will want to take it from us and will manipulate and lie to us to get it, but that it’s supposed to happen in a loving relationship. The third thing we learn is that we want it too, but we aren’t supposed to because it’s dirty and wrong for us to want it. 

Women grow up with an inherent anxiety around sex, an anxiety that is complicated by our own desires.

Everything in Hellraiser is perfectly reflective of a reality that men clearly do not have the context to fully comprehend, because women’s real experiences of desire, and of male violence, are a blind spot.

The men who hurt women don’t have pins in their head and wax gothic poetry about suffering. They don’t wear dark capes and turn into bats and hypnotize women from their windows to drink their blood. 

The men who hurt women look like Frank, or J.P. Monroe, or Trevor, or Channard, or every bumbling aggressive fool Julia seduced home. 

They look like Larry and Steve. 

Larry let his wife scream “no” and “stop” several times before he responded, regardless of the true reasons she was screaming those words. And when he finally did stop, it was out of anger rather than concern. This is, as far as I’m aware, the most common form of sexual violence a woman can experience - a man they give their trust to suddenly doesn’t respect a “no.”

So, so many times, I have heard men say how badly they felt for Larry, how innocent poor Larry was. 

Men live in a fantasy world where it’s more comfortable for them to imagine characters like Larry as good man, a victim of Julia’s callousness who isn’t in Hell not because he never touched the box, but because he is inherently innocent. They live in a fantasy world where it’s odd that Steve abandoned Kirsty the minute something deeply traumatic happened to her (Briggs remarked upon this). Raise your hand if a man has done the same to you when the cards where down.

Steve’s response to Kirsty getting too drunk to stand properly was to “jokingly” tell her to lie down in this sleazeball way that indicated he was insinuating taking advantage of her intoxicated state. Also one of the most common forms of sexual violence a woman can experience.

The men who Julia took home would respond aggressively when she chickened out of sex, either blindly or in an attempt to shame and guilt her into proceeding.

Should we talk about the fact that Kyle is a psychiatrist who shouldn’t be romancing a traumatized patient in his care who’s parent was just fucking brutally murdered? Or does that feel too petty in comparison?

The men who hurt women are more typically their friends, their fathers, their uncles, their boyfriends, their husbands.

What’s so funny about all of this is that Pinhead somehow does better at consent than these men, at least in a manner of speaking. He’s the only man who legitimately listens to Kirsty, and responds to her “no.” No matter what he threatens, he always stops to hear her out, lets her do what she wants, is always talking about her desires and pleasure, and in the end always ends up destroying the men abusing her rather than going through with ever harming her. 

Briggs seemed keen on viewing Pinhead as a Satanic figure. Historically, what is the role of women who are in a position to encounter the devil? Usually, they are witches, wanton women who gain magical power through sexual communion with the devil. A framework of propaganda that men have historically used to persecute women.

The men who hurt and oppress women in real life don’t look or act like Satan, but they sure as hell are ready to write narrative after narrative of Satanic figures menacing women while they save the day, and they sure as hell like to blame women for preferring “bad boys” and “assholes” over the “nice guy.” 

It’s more comfortable for men to imagine Pinhead as this cool figure of pure evil with no feelings or capacity for mercy, because they can live vicariously through his violence (particularly when they’re writing him doing it to half-naked women, looking at you H3) and yet simultaneously distance their moral identities from him. 

It’s more comfortable to compartmentalize what good vs. predatory masculinity looks like in a way that benefits their self-image and the status quo. This is a lie men tell themselves.

It’s safer for men to point to Pinhead and say, “this is what a predator looks like,” while curiously never speaking of the callous, scummy and predatory behavior of every single other man in the films, even to the point of occasionally discussing the perceived tragedy of fucking Frank’s spiral into darkness long before they can feel entirely comfy imagining Pinhead as having a past where he was a good man with sad feelings, or regard his act of self-sacrifice for Kirsty as anything but a moment of weakness that was “bad writing” and therefore should never have happened.

There is an extraordinary irony in a man arguing with Pinhead’s own actor over the nature of his evil, while running a show where a female character’s fuckability is her main characteristic and it’s okay to behave as if she doesn’t even have real feelings.

All this nonsense in the spaces I go to have fun, while we’re dealing with the background radiation of a President who’s sexual abuses are swept under the rug, his masculinity praised regularly and his violence against our people gaslighted. While we’re dealing with the mass-recorded aggressive violence of police - white men in positions of authority whom we are supposed to trust to keep us safe. While men make other men laugh about the violation of girls so they don’t have to deal with the reality of one of the “nice” funny guys being a predator.

Fuck you. I’d rather burn.

Chloe Lilac Is Sick of You Romanticizing Mental Illness [Q&A]

Chloe Lilac is a force to be reckoned with. At only 17-years-old, she has toured alongside Rejji Snow, Charlotte Lawrence, and Sasha Sloan and proved to be so much more than just a brilliant singer and songwriter. An advocate for female empowerment, Lilac has established herself as a strong and powerful voice of the future and her debut EP, Manic Pixie Dream, is a testament to her eloquent ability to speak through music. Beautifully written and produced, the EP paints the songstress’ life story and the journey she has endured to get to where she is. Strong, courageous and downright honest, Manic Pixie Dream illustrates society through her youthful eyes and the generation she has found herself inherently apart of.

Get to know Lilac through the lens of addiction, mental illness, and female camaraderie in our Q&A below:

OTW: What was your journey to where you are now in the music scene?

Lilac: It was great! It was really stupid. I made a lot of stupid decisions. When I was eight, I was in a rock band with my friends and in one of those band programs. So I started writing songs around eight and learning how to play guitar and stuff. And when I was around twelve, I started producing all my own stuff. It was really fun, technology man... I feel like it was really accessible to me because of Garageband on my mom’s Macbook. Then when I was 13, I started street performing trying to get discovered, so I would go around Union Square, and I got to know those areas really well. And when I was 14, I hit high school and I was like, “Fuck this, I hate it,” so I started like sneaking out on week nights when my parents would go to sleep. And with my busking money, I got Bluetooth headphones, and I would produce in class.

I got kicked out of that school, and I had gone to that school my whole life, so it was really painful for me. And I lost all my friends so my only friend was music. I basically went through this really dark place in my life where I started using all the time, and I got really bad in terms of my mental health. My anxiety just got completely out of control because I was bullied really badly in that school and then I was isolated because I was homeschooled after that. I couldn’t function in a school environment so I was half trying to get myself together. And the way I worked with it was just through doing music so I was uploading stuff on Soundcloud every two weeks.

I was fortunate enough to get discovered by my current A&R when I was around 14, and he really helped me sober up and get my act together and put me in the studio with a lot of really talented producers and really forced me to take a hard look at myself and get my life together. I’ve come a really long way since, and I’m really grateful for the opportunity. I try to help out as many up-and-coming artists like myself, as I can. One of my passions is helping other people with music.

OTW: Do you still produce?

Lilac: I still co-produce a lot of my own stuff but I’m not super great at it. I get the bones down and send it to someone who really knows what they are doing. But I really like it and I take a lot of joy in being part of the production process. I don’t think there are a lot of female producers out there. I try to teach young women, I give them free classes on production.

OTW: What influenced the songs that are on Manic Pixie Dream?

Lilac: My EP is mainly about being a young person in New York City and being a young woman growing up. I’m 17 so I’m still coming of age, but I started writing that EP when I was 14. It’s all just about being young and how hard and difficult it was for me growing up and how removed my generation is from vulnerability, and how scared everyone is to grow up. And how hard it is being a young woman and in general, how painful it was to realize how objectified I am and how inherently misogynistic our society is. I had a lot of rage for a really long time about it as I started to come into my own and I realized if I work through it with music, that will help. So if I can help a young woman who feels the same way out there with my EP, that’s what matters to me the most. If I can help anyone just get through the struggles of being human and coming of age.

OTW: What song do you think speaks the most to you?

Lilac: Definitely “Jesus.” I wrote that one when I was 14. It was maybe the first or third session I ever did professionally. It’s been in my back pocket for a minute now. But that song sounds like a love song, but it’s really about my process becoming sober and realizing how messed up I was. 14 was a huge age to me; it felt like a lifetime in one year so it was a letter to myself and being like, “Alright I have all these problems with addiction.” Whenever I perform it, I really feel it, and it seems like it's the song that speaks the most to other people too. That is really special to me. I love that it touches other people, it’s open to interpretation. That’s what is beautiful about music. It might not be about addiction to someone else, it might be about an ex or their mom.

OTW: How does it feel to look back at that period of your life?

Lilac: I don’t know how I’m alive. I don’t know how I fucking survived through that shit but you know, it’s fine. I’m good now. It feels like it was a lifetime ago, but I’m also just incredibly grateful that I got through that, and it’s made me such a strong person, and it’s made me really understanding of other people and their struggles and also of my journey getting sober. As a young person, it’s pretty rare to work on yourself at this age. It was like a huge wave was in front of me but the wave was how much shit I had to do to work on myself. It does feel like a lifetime ago, but it was only because I’ve really worked on myself and been through so much since then.

OTW: What advice would you give to somebody who might in that place right now and struggling to come up for air?

Lilac: There is nothing wrong with asking for help. It doesn’t make you weak; in fact, vulnerability is power. You really have to look inward to fix yourself, other people aren’t going to fix you. You can’t look for the answers in other people, the answers are all within yourself. That’s what I did a lot… looked for answers in drugs and friends and boys, not like sex, I was way too young for that but I’d chase after these boys and they wouldn't give a fuck. It was all me running away from my problems.

It might really hurt, but the beautiful part about it is that at least you get to feel it and it’s human, and you will learn how to deal with it. Therapy is great, and it doesn’t mean you're a crazy person. If you’re open to it, if you’re struggling with drugs or addiction, I think it’s really important for people to try out Al-Anon or AA and see what it does for them. Everyone has an addiction, it just depends on what it is and trying out one meeting could be really beneficial.

There is nothing wrong with being human, and I feel like in this technological age, it is so frowned upon to feel. I love my generation so much; we’re a generation of activists and love and acceptance, but there is this other side of it that is really romanticizing mental illness and drugs. We have rappers dying all over the place, dropping like fucking flies all the time from drug addiction, and it’s so hard to watch. My favorite musicians are just dropping off the face of the Earth, and it’s setting this really dark example for my generation in music.

OTW: How does society’s obsession with romanticizing the wrong things impact your music?   

Lilac: It's so instilled that vulnerability and being human is a negative thing when it's the most beautiful thing we have. What are we if we don’t have connection and love in our life? What do we have? We’re just apes on a floating rock. It’s bullshit. People are so scared of their own emotions. People are so scared of connection and like genuine connection and vulnerability, and it is tragic for me to watch because that’s what I crave the most. People are so scared of emotions. My music might be too intense sometimes, but I think intense is good. And I like writing fun songs too but my favorite songs are ones that really connect with people. I really like my music to capture moments and feelings rather than a surface thing. 

“Summer,” I would say, is my most surface song but it’s still an experience. I feel like you're on the journey with me. It’s all about being young in New York and making friends for the first time. Last summer was this electric amazing summer for me, and I wanted to capture it in my music, whereas “Jesus” takes you to this really dark place in my life. That’s what I love to do with my music, take people on the journey with me, and if they can sympathize with that, that’s great. I love it and apparently people can too.

OTW: What is your writing process like?

Lilac: I feel a lot. And the thing that inspires me the most is really intense emotion and intense stuff. So whether it’s happiness or sadness, it doesn’t matter; it’s intense. So if I feel really strongly about something, I’ll write about it. It doesn't come all the time and sometimes it does, which is great. Writer's block isn’t a stranger to me. If someone is reading this and is having writer’s block, it will end.

People get really freaked out that they are going to have writer's block forever but it ends. You have to keep writing. You have to power through, and you’ll come out with a great song one day. I get inspired by other artists too, like Childish Gambino; he’s my biggest inspiration. Lana Del Rey is one of my biggest writing influences. Honestly, Shel Silverstein. I fuck with him. It’s super cool that he’s a children’s poet but his stuff is really deep. David Bowie, obviously. The process is coming up with a really good chord progression. If the chord progression is good, the song comes immediately.

OTW: How would you describe the scene you are in now?

Lilac: Instagram is everything, it’s huge. We’re DIY kids so we love making art. I love making art. I’m a very artistic person. I draw a lot and I paint a lot. My friends are all artists of some degree. But I’m really a part of the DIY movement which is about genuine art and appreciating that and trying to keep that alive in this age of everything being plastic and fake and generated on Instagram. My friends and I will throw punk shows with our Garageband friends, and we will go out and do stupid shit. We are all incredibly motivated people, like a lot of my friends are young professionals and are thriving in their industries as 17-year-olds, which is so inspiring. All my best friends are really doing big shit out here, not just in the music industry. And it’s all young women! My friends are all super progressive people and from all different walks of life. That’s a great part of New York, it’s a huge melting pot of everyone everywhere.

OTW: What is one piece of advice you would give to every girl out there?

Lilac: Be nice to other girls. It’s really important. I hate it when I’m literally just on the street and a girl glares at me because I am another girl. That is the most painful thing for me. Stop feeling like you are in competition with other women. We are all here being oppressed, actively. Let’s band together. Female companionship is one of the most beautiful things in the world. A woman and another woman being homies is the best thing ever so don’t close yourself off to it because you feel threatened by something that is enforced by the patriarchy. Women should not have to feel like they are in competition with each other because there is no competition, we’re all beautiful and amazing. Be nice to other women and be nice to younger women and older women, don’t be ageist about it. Just be nice to people and that will get you so far. It just makes you feel so good.

OTW: If you were a crayon in a crayon box, what color would you describe yourself?

Lilac: Probably lilac. I’ve identified with that color my whole life. It’s definitely not my favorite color. I’ve just always identified with it because it's a fun color but there’s also depth to it. It’s not warm and it’s not cool, it’s right in between. My favorite color is pink though cause I’m a basic bitch. I love a warm pink but not hot pink, a salmon.

OTW: Who are your Ones To Watch?

Lilac: Isaac Dunbar, Leyla Blue, Mia Gladstone, Ren, Maud. I’d say those are my top picks, I fucking love those heads, they’re all pretty close friends of mine. I love being friends with other artists because they know what’s up. Also, Christian Leave and Ryan Woods, they both make really good music. Those are my homies.

spn meme

Oh, fun!  Thanks, @zmediaoutlet​!

1.  What season did you start watching SPN?

Between 4 and 5.  I was in a game and our GM was a HAAAACK, and also a big mouth, and so he figured out that when he wholesale lifted the plot of the show he’d finally did something I liked and found interesting, and tried to curry favor by telling me all about this show I’d really love.  Except I’m actually smart, and figured out pretty damned fast that I was basically priestess!Sam, which is flattering I guess, but still pretty shitty.  And I immediately dropped the game and kept the show.

2.  Who was the first character you fell in love with?

Oh, Dean.  Absolutely.  He was exactly my type, and Jared Padalecki looks like the cleaned-up Hollywood version of the dominant who’d just dropped my ass and it freaked me out quite a lot.  Dean’s love for him won me over, though.

3.  Who was a character you hated at first, but grew to love?

I don’t know that love is as strong as I’m feeling, but I’m going to go with Rowena and Naomi.  They finally got really interesting, just before they died.  Why the hell do the writers do that?  (rhetorical question)  And a touch of Sam, because of the aforementioned bad relationship timing business, but I got over it fairly quickly.  (And bonus?  It helped me get over the guy faster, too.  “This is who you could have been, you asshat!”)

4.  Which character would you most like to be in a long-term relationship with?

Oh.  Um.  Here’s the trick.  This answer will be different in about a week.  Ask again for variety.  Right this second, I’m going with Jody or Benny.  Jody just hits every single one of my buttons, and Benny is really not far behind.  Ohhhh, can I have Jody/Ellen/Benny?  Is that greedy?

5.  If you could go on just one date with one character, which one would you choose?

Oof.  Meanie.  Yeah, I’m going with Dean.

6.  What would you do on the date?

I do love a nice car.  I’m a girl of varied tastes.  I can do aperitifs in the parlor just as easily as burgers in a bar.  But I love someone who’s uncomplicated--or if they are complicated, they’re self-soothing.  I just think Dean could make it fun.  Unpretentious, easy, and fun.  I don’t date easily or well at all, and being with someone who could help us over the bumpy bits would be nice.  (I think I basically have been on a date with Dean, and it was just about perfect.  They made for the perfect one-night-stand, if I’m only ever going to have one.)

7.  Which character would you most want to be like?

Ellen.  It takes a hell of a woman to go through everything she has and to still have her shit together, and she still has steel and velvet in her spine.  She’s tough, but not hard, and she doesn’t tolerate fools lightly, and she will absolutely go to war for you, if you’re one of hers.  I admire the hell out of her.

8.  Which character would you most like to see brought back from the dead?

No one.  Let people fucking die.  Let death have meaning again.  The story is so much more interesting and powerful if there are some fucking consequences.  That said, I do wonder how an older and wiser Sam and Dean would handle being faced with a new roster of Special Children.

9.  Which character would you most like to punch?

Most?  That’s hard.  Balthazar.  Or Zachariah.  Or really, and this would please me greatly, lock them in a room together and never let them out and tell me how that goes.

10.  Who is your absolute favorite character?

SamDeanSam&Dean.  If I put that all together we can pretend it’s just one character, yes?  Okay, fine.  Sam and Dean, the unit.

11.  Which “big bad” do you think was the worst?

Toss up between Metatron and Azazel.  I hated Metatron the most, but Azazel was most frightening to me.  Often, it’s the lesser-bads that are more unbearable to me.

12.  Which character are you most like?

You know, someone told me just recently that I’m a lot like Donna.  I don’t think this is a question I can answer for myself.  I know myself pretty well, but I still come armed with pre- and misconceptions.  I know who I want to be, and I know who I think I’ve been.  I don’t have a solid grasp on how others see me.

13.  What death hit you the hardest?

Bobby’s, or Dean’s latest one.  Though, again, repeated returns cheapen it.  Oh, man, and Ellen and Jo going out had me bawling.  I think those are the only ones that have had me needing to take a break.

14.  What season finale hit you the hardest?

5.  And then 11.

15.  What are your ten all-time favorite episodes?

Oh, man, I hate you so much right now.  This is going to take some thinking.

(2.14) Born Under a Bad Sign

(3.10) Dream a Little Dream of Me

(4.01) Lazarus Rising

(5.04) The End

(5.14) My Bloody Valentine

(5.16) Dark Side of the Moon

(6.04) Weekend at Bobby’s

(7,10) Death’s Door

(8.06) Southern Comfort

(10.05) Fan Fiction

(12.04) American Nightmare

I tried.  I really did.  There’s eleven.  I couldn’t get it lower.  Chronological order, rather than order of preference.  And to be honest, I’m probably wrong on a couple, but now my brain hurts, and this is what you get.

16.  What’s been your favorite season?

Ohhh, so, fun discovery!  I always hate the current season for a while, and then a few watches later, I’ll realize that I fucking love that thing.  (S7 being the exception so far.  Still don’t care for it.)  But I’m going to go with S4-5, because I can’t separate them.  They flow too beautifully together.

17.  Who is your favorite angel?

Super unpopular--though not surprising--opinion: it is decidedly not Cas.  Probably Gabriel.  He’s not a good guy, but he’s fucking interesting.  And that whole “run from my problems, make things worse, try to be heroic but maybe it’s too late by now” thing is a trend for me.  Though, thank Chuck, not on quite such a cosmic scale.

18.  Who’s your favorite demon?

Meg, Ruby, Casey, Alastair, War.  I’m not good at this There Can Be Only One thing.  And all of those appeal in completely different ways, so I can’t really compare them anyway.  Meg had such an interesting character development.  Ruby was so smug, and for all that she was sly, she was also kind of clumsy.  Moments of brilliance, but she wasn’t any kind of master manipulator.  I wonder if she could have done it without the blood.  Casey seemed like she had some fascinating stories in there, and she was the first demon we really got to see as a person.  Alastair was...God.  *shudder*  And War was just so cheerful about it all.  He knew his job, he liked his job, and he was secure.

19.  Who’s your favorite evil character?

Alastair.  And a runner-up of Azazel!John.

20.  Do you have any Supernatural ships?

Have you met me?  Die-hard Wincester over here.  Dimpala.  And what’s the one for Death/Dean?  I don’t read that one very often, but there are some good fic.  And for Sam, I kinda like asexual Sastiel and cozy snuggly Sevin.

21.  Who’s your favorite supporting actor?

Oh, man, it’s between Charles Malik Whitfield, Ruth Connell, and Aldis Hodge.  I have liked literally everything I have seen Whitfield do, I followed Hodge over to Leverage, and I could watch Ruth Connell say “moose” all damned day.

22.  What’s your favorite quote from the show?

...is there a database of good SPN quotes somewhere that I can consult?  Because I think I need one for this question.  Maybe Meg: “Look, I'm simpler than you think. I've figured one thing out about this world – just one, pretty much. You find a cause, and you serve it. Give yourself over, and it orders your life. Lucifer and Yellow Eyes – their mission was it for me.”

23.  If you could cast one famous actor in an episode of SPN, who would it be?

Fuck, man, I don’t know.  *stares at DVD shelf*  Brendan Fraser or Sam Elliott. 

24.  If you could write your own episode, what kind of creature would you like to see included?

ooo!  I’d like to see them dig into some very local monsters.  Not local to me, but personal to America monsters.  Try to hunt down a Thunderbird.

25.  Who’s your favorite girl that Dean’s hooked up with?

Tara Benchley.  She just looked so satisfied.  Or Suzy Lee from (9.08) Rock and a Hard Place.

26.  Who’s your favorite girl that Sam’s hooked up with?

Dr. Cara Roberts.  I have an affection for women who are just there for fun and aren’t interested in anything more.  Not because I don’t want the guys to have outside relationships (though, I don’t, because that’s not what I’m watching the show for), but I like women who just know what they want and are interested in playfully objectifying the guys.

27.  What are some of your favorite convention moments?

I don’t really watch the con videos much.  I will every so often, but the sound is always crap, and I get a headache.  I do quite like watching Jensen sing, though.  Hot damn.

28.  If you were going to guest star (or be a recurring guest star) on spn, how would you want your character described?

Cheerful, and snarky.  I’m gonna die anyway, I might as well be fun.

29.  What do you hope to see in the next season?

The Winchesters just being Winchesters.  Unless I am very much mistaken, this is the last season, so how about we go back to the show I fell in love with?  Like all mythic characters, Sam and Dean are both inherently human, and deeply divine.  So how about we get shit like the great icons trying to find clothes that fit them, or arguing over who left red socks in the laundry and why the hell do we even have red socks, Sam.  I want the show to end as beautifully as it could have been if they’d actually stopped at the end of 5.

30-40.  If you had to choose...

Bobby or John?  After all this time, John.  Let Bobby die.

Bela or Ruby?  Ruby.

Jess or Madison?  No opinion.  Madison, just because Jess carries the same problems as Mary.

Jo or Lisa?  Jo.

Charlie or Kevin?  Kevin.

Balthazar or Ash?  ASH.

Cas or Crowley?  Crowley.

Ben or Claire?  Claire.

Jody or Donna?  Jody.  That’s a tough one, though.

Sam or Dean?  No.  I’m not even going to entertain this one.

"I want to get into ceremonial magic, but the gender/sex stuff is annoying af”

Don't worry, little sparrow! I'm so bothered by the anti-queer sexism in high magic, and this morning I have written a lot of words on why it's annoying and inaccurate; and capped it off with some "how to adapt this bullshit so you can participate without turning to drink" ideas.

I think translating that queer body into a strong man taking a vulnerable woman makes extremely clear that sexual imagery and sex itself, which have a host of egalitarian and sacred meanings in magic, has been tainted by society's shitty ideas about sex.  You know, jumping straight from sex rituals to "man dominating woman!", says everything about the person jumping to that conclusion.

But the sexism was also there from the start.

You look at original Crowley, and he talks about the symbolic roles of the (male) Beast and (female) Scarlet Woman, and no amount of "both the male and female are sacred and have separate symbolic roles!" can compensate for his belief. That there was only one Beast, but Scarlet Women could be interchangeable - and in fact were, in his life, and you can read his notes about why his seven women all "failed". With no self awareness that, perhaps, he was an unworthy Beast to a succession of powerful women.

The very idea of the sacred feminine being so disposable makes me angry. I'm angry we call the Thoth tarot deck the "Crowley deck", and the trad deck the "Rider Waite". When in both cases they were illustrated by women who were occultists in their own right, who brought their own scholarship and insight to the decks, and yet for some reason the decks are still named for men. Lady Frieda Harris and Pamela Coleman-Smith were fiercely talented artists, and mages; but the sacred feminine is disposable and interchangeable.

Plus: high magic is built on drawing together stories and mysticism from throughout history. Crowley writes too fast for me to keep up; for all his flaws, the fucker knows a LOT about history, myth and culture. But those sources...are also all sexist. Arthur's knights; Egyptian myths; if you're drawing from the culture of the world, then you're inevitably drawing from the sexism of the world too.

No shit, this same imagery recurs across cultures? What if I told you that women internationally all experience sexism, in one way or another?

Yet also: from its inception, "sex magic" was very queer indeed.

Homosexual sex was a huge, and I mean huge part of Crowley's practice, and had specific ritual meanings. To do Thelema properly, you pretty much had to be au fait with bisexuality. There were different roles for solo, het and homo sexual acts in different rituals.

Now, I think it's good we've moved away from that. I think it's a Good Thing that people aren't being coerced into sex they're not into (which did happen in Crowley’s original working group). But when you look at sexy satanic imagery. It's all - alt white babes with normative bodies, being vessels and chalices for powerful dominant male avatars. In other word, we've replaced one Sex Expectation with a different one - as I hardly believe those images are the authentic form of sexual expression for 100% of Satanists.

I definitely like to consider queerness as a broader term, representing sex which is non-normative, and reflects genuine self-expression and will. And I think that's definitely key to the role queerness should play in Satanic/Thelemic/High magics. It's not so much about symbolic rituals between males and females, but about freedom, pleasure, the body, things for which you need to know your own desire and own it.

For some people, that's going to be ravishment by goat.

--

But it boils down to certain sexual expectations existing in magic, expectations that are unequal.

For Crowley, the expectations included gay sex; nowadays, it seemingly includes normative bodies, and het sex.

And unequal because, no matter how often a mage or a witch talks about men and women having equal, complimentary sacred roles...I don't believe it. I don't think anyone does. Crowley saw sacred women as interchangeable. Modern sexy Satanic art always puts a male figure dominant over a female one - by turning Baphomet's queer body into an explicitly male body (Have you ever seen sexy Baph art where Baph is a woman, or even a trans person? Of course you haven't. The cock maketh the man).

Sometimes I think, maybe it's sexist for me to be rejecting symbolic female imagery. Maybe disliking the passive/the cup/the receptive/the mystery is actually all about how I subconsciously rate masculinity over femininity. But no, it's just a shitty role. It still places active, will, and decision making as male qualities; "the sacred male embodies curiosity about the secret and hidden world of women, who hold the key to the mysteries" was clearly made up by male undergrads who desperately needed to get laid. The idea that women have a mysterious knowledge could only ever have been made up by a man. I don’t even know how to book a train ticket.

But it's endemic magically.  

And...when you look at Thelma and Baphomet and stuff, it's a deeply queer ideology, where a true mage is neither male nor female, and engages sexually with both men and women.

And there doesn't seem to be a way to engage with it queerly, without relying at some stage on "here are the magical qualities of men and of women". You know, you could as a trans person with a Baphomet body use it to channel both male and female energies more potently, but there is nothing present in our magical culture challenging the fundamental man-as-active-lance-wielder and woman-as-passive-mysterious-vessel symbolism.

What can be done? Here are some thoughts.

So the role of sex in both high magic and Wicca and all that jazz goes something like this. Men and women have different symbolic roles. The true mage is powerful enough to have access to both energies. Sex is a kind of metaphor for the magical/alchemical process, where the male and female come together. Or magic is a kind of metaphor for sex, surpressed in our puritanical society. Either way, the coming together of opposites into a unity is a powerful magical symbol and magical act.

For those of you who just threw up a little in your mouth, let's try and make something a touch queerer and less essentalist from this mess.

"Male and Female energies"

Instead of relying on traditional symbols, seek out your own associations for the male and the female. What qualities do you associate with men? With women? With people who are neither? Build your own set of correspondences. Build up a list of figures who embody different genders as a personal bank of symbols.

Assuming you're coming from a queerfeminist bent, do try and come up with positive and negative qualities for both. “Men are inherently powerful dominant oppressors” is more or less what men have been saying since the dawn of time ;p

When thinking about sexual pairings - what associations do you have with these things? Trad gender magic plays with ideas of two halves of a whole coming together - sex, and metaphors for it, are at the core of most of it. Don't just consider the associations of men-with-women. What symbolism do you find in ff and mm couplings? What do you find when you consider other genders? Try and focus on the kinds of sex you have (or don't have) to avoid being needlessly skeezy. What is the meaning? What power and energies can you find in the kinds of things you do?

Think about non-sexual pairings. Trad gender magic always, at some point, boils down to a penis doing something with a vagina. Is that the most important way what people of different genders interact? Are there different, perhaps more powerful acts and behaviors, which could take the role of the sexual act in your gender magic.

Try and be aware of your cultural baggage. You don't have to reject it outright - pop culture magic has taught us that something doesn't have to be real to be powerful - but do know what you're dealing with, where it's coming from, and use that awareness to oomph up what you do. If you want to have feminine chalices, that's fine.

The goal is to yes, use gendered symbolism, but to use it on your own terms, and find your own meanings. It won't reflect reality perfectly. It won't necessarily have a lot to do with being a person in the world. It will always be slightly objectifying.  

But you can probably do better than "women are indistinguishable vessels for men".

"The Mage is both Male and Female, as symbolised by Baphomet"

Be aware of your relationship to gender. If you are transgender or non-binary, you can incorporate that experience if you like.

How do you feel about that? What are your positive experiences of your gender? What qualities of other genders do you wish to cultivate? What sort of gender-based role models do you have and why?

I think the key is that mages ought to be powerful - if there are male and female energies, the mage must master both. Look back at your personal list of gender symbolism, and cultivate mastery of these things. If gender differences isn't a big thing in your life or system, replace this with seeking mastery over key dualities which are in your system.

If you do this, then reconsider whether sex is part of your system at all. For example, if your key duality is light and darkness - the dawn and the dusk, where the two powers are mingled as one, likely has the same charge as sex has in a system where the two powers are male and female.

"Sex magic which ought to be done as follows"

Sex magic & symbolism has two sorts of things going on.

The first is alchemical - the combination of opposites is powerful. We've already touched on this, but look at your sexuality - your real, authentic sexuality - and find its unique meanings and power. It could still be based on opposites coming together - but opposites with more egalitarian symbolism. A gay couple could find their magic in working with sameness; or with difference (say, butch-femme); or with something completely unrelated (say, the magic of reciprocity, of giving and receiving, which you practice with all your partners)

The second is the more Satanic approach, where it's about expressing yourself and hedonism. For this, too, you need to be expressing your authentic self, working on shame, working to tune out society's expectations. Again, if your authentic sexual self is monogamous and vanilla, this is as excellent and beautiful as any other expression. The greatest power is to be found in something you enjoy.

An important part of either approach is, of course, freely given consent. Violating the free will of others is Satanic no no.

"This is all bullshit"

...and that's ok. For a long time, I avoided gender magic entirely. I still think that's a wise approach.

Because I increasingly want to do the high magic thing, just without being someone’s bloody chalice; I'm hoping to use this framework to prevent my brains from dribbling out of my ears.

But if you want to ignore gender, that's cool too.

The Terrible Bargain We Have Regretfully Struck Posted by Melissa McEwan at Friday, August 14, 2009   [Trigger warning.]

Despite feminists' reputation, and contra my own individual reputation cultivated over five years of public opinion-making, I am not a man-hater.

If I played by misogynists' rules, specifically the one that dictates it only takes one woman doing one Mean or Duplicitous or Disrespectful or Unlawful or otherwise Bad Thing to justify hatred of all women, I would have plenty of justification for hating men, if I were inclined to do that sort of thing.

Most of my threatening hate mail comes from men. The most unrelentingly trouble-making trolls have always been men. I've been cat-called and cow-called from moving vehicles countless times, and subjected to other forms of street harassment, and sexually harassed at work, always by men. I have been sexually assaulted—if one includes rape, attempted rape, unsolicited touching of breasts, buttocks, and/or genitals, nonconsensual frottage on public transportation, and flashing—by dozens of people during my lifetime, some known to me, some strangers, all men.

But I don't hate men, because I play by different rules. In fact, there are men in this world whom I love quite a lot.

There are also individual men in this world I would say I probably hate, or something close, men who I hold in unfathomable contempt, but it is not because they are men.

No, I don't hate men.

It would, however, be fair to say that I don't easily trust them.

My mistrust is not, as one might expect, primarily a result of the violent acts done on my body, nor the vicious humiliations done to my dignity. It is, instead, born of the multitude of mundane betrayals that mark my every relationship with a man—the casual rape joke, the use of a female slur, the careless demonization of the feminine in everyday conversation, the accusations of overreaction, the eyerolling and exasperated sighs in response to polite requests to please not use misogynist epithets in my presence or to please use non-gendered language ("humankind").

There are the insidious assumptions guiding our interactions—the supposition that I will regard being exceptionalized as a compliment ("you're not like those other women"), and the presumption that I am an ally against certain kinds of women. Surely, we're all in agreement that Britney Spears is a dirty slut who deserves nothing but a steady stream of misogynist vitriol whenever her name is mentioned, right? Always the subtle pressure to abandon my principles to trash this woman or that woman, as if I'll never twig to the reality that there's always a justification for unleashing the misogyny, for hating a woman in ways reserved only for women. I am exhorted to join in the cruel revelry, and when I refuse, suddenly the target is on my back. And so it goes.

There are the jokes about women, about wives, about mothers, about raising daughters, about female bosses. They are told in my presence by men who are meant to care about me, just to get a rise out of me, as though I am meant to find funny a reminder of my second-class status. I am meant to ignore that this is a bullying tactic, that the men telling these jokes derive their amusement specifically from knowing they upset me, piss me off, hurt me. They tell them and I can laugh, and they can thus feel superior, or I can not laugh, and they can thus feel superior. Heads they win, tails I lose. I am used as a prop in an ongoing game of patriarchal posturing, and then I am meant to believe it is true when some of the men who enjoy this sport, in which I am their pawn, tell me, "I love you." I love you, my daughter. I love you, my niece. I love you, my friend. I am meant to trust these words.

There are the occasions that men—intellectual men, clever men, engaged men—insist on playing devil's advocate, desirous of a debate on some aspect of feminist theory or reproductive rights or some other subject generally filed under the heading: Women's Issues. These intellectual, clever, engaged men want to endlessly probe my argument for weaknesses, want to wrestle over details, want to argue just for fun—and they wonder, these intellectual, clever, engaged men, why my voice keeps raising and why my face is flushed and why, after an hour of fighting my corner, hot tears burn the corners of my eyes. Why do you have to take this stuff so personally? ask the intellectual, clever, and engaged men, who have never considered that the content of the abstract exercise that's so much fun for them is the stuff of my life.

There is the perplexity at my fury that my life experience is not considered more relevant than the opinionated pronouncements of men who make a pastime of informal observation, like womanhood is an exotic locale which provides magnificent fodder for the amateur ethnographer. And there is the haughty dismissal of my assertion that being on the outside looking in doesn't make one more objective; it merely provides a different perspective.

There are the persistent, tiresome pronouncements of similitude between men's and women's experiences, the belligerent insistence that handsome men are objectified by women, too! that women pinch men's butts sometimes, too! that men are expected to look a certain way at work, too! that women rape, too! and other equivalencies that conveniently and stupidly ignore institutional inequities that mean X rarely equals Y. And there are the long-suffering groans that meet any attempt to contextualize sexism and refute the idea that such indignities, though grim they all may be, are not necessarily equally oppressive.

There are the stereotypes—oh, the abundant stereotypes!—about women, not me, of course, but other women, those women with their bad driving and their relentless shopping habits and their PMS and their disgusting vanity and their inability to stop talking and their disinterest in Important Things and their trying to trap men and their getting pregnant on purpose and their false rape accusations and their being bitches sluts whores cunts… And I am expected to nod in agreement, and I am nudged and admonished to agree. I am expected to say these things are not true of me, but are true of women (am I seceding from the union?); I am expected to put my stamp of token approval on the stereotypes. Yes, it's true. Between you and me, it's all true. That's what is wanted from me. Abdication of my principles and pride, in service to a patriarchal system that will only use my collusion to further subjugate me. This is a thing that is asked of me by men who purport to care for me.

There is the unwillingness to listen, a ferociously stubborn not getting it on so many things, so many important things. And the obdurate refusal to believe, to internalize, that my outrage is not manufactured and my injure not make-believe—an inflexible rejection of the possibility that my pain is authentic, in favor of the consolatory belief that I am angry because I'm a feminist (rather than the truth: that I'm a feminist because I'm angry).

And there is the denial about engaging in misogyny, even when it's evident, even when it's pointed out gently, softly, indulgently, carefully, with goodwill and the presumption that it was not intentional. There is the firm, fixed, unyielding denial—because it is better and easier to imply that I'm stupid or crazy, that I have imagined being insulted by someone about whom I care (just for the fun of it!), than it is to just admit a bloody mistake. Rather I am implied to be a hysteric than to say, simply, I'm sorry.

Not every man does all of these things, or even most of them, and certainly not all the time. But it only takes one, randomly and occasionally, exploding in a shower of cartoon stars like an unexpected punch in the nose, to send me staggering sideways, wondering what just happened.

Well. I certainly didn't see that coming…

These things, they are not the habits of deliberately, connivingly cruel men. They are, in fact, the habits of the men in this world I love quite a lot.

All of whom have given me reason to mistrust them, to use my distrust as a self-protection mechanism, as an essential tool to get through every day, because I never know when I might next get knocked off-kilter with something that puts me in the position, once again, of choosing between my dignity and the serenity of our relationship.

Swallow shit, or ruin the entire afternoon?

It can come out of nowhere, and usually does. Which leaves me mistrustful by both necessity and design. Not fearful; just resigned—and on my guard. More vulnerability than that allows for the possibility of wounds that do not heal. Wounds to our relationship, the sort of irreparable damage that leaves one unable to look in the eye someone that you loved once upon a time.

This, then, is the terrible bargain we have regretfully struck: Men are allowed the easy comfort of their unexamined privilege, but my regard will always be shot through with a steely, anxious bolt of caution.

A shitty bargain all around, really. But there it is.

There are men who will read this post and think, huffily, dismissively, that a person of color could write a post very much like this one about white people, about me. That's absolutely right. So could a lesbian, a gay man, a bisexual, an asexual. So could a trans or intersex person (which hardly makes a comprehensive list). I'm okay with that. I don't feel hated. I feel mistrusted—and I understand it; I respect it. It means, for me, I must be vigilant, must make myself trustworthy. Every day.

I hope those men will hear me when I say, again, I do not hate you. I mistrust you. You can tell yourselves that's a problem with me, some inherent flaw, some evidence that I am fucked up and broken and weird; you can choose to believe that the women in your lives are nothing like me.

Or you can be vigilant, can make yourselves trustworthy. Every day.

Just in case they're more like me than you think.

...As I lie awake at night wondering what happened to the light hearted, easy going, flirty girl I once was, I read this and understand. I am angry and also saddened. Trust is important in order to live a complete life. To feel that trust from people you love, and depend on, makes life a secure and happy place. No trust, no security, erodes your very being. Soon, you become someone who you barely recognize. Someone who questions everything. One who decides to do nothing. Who is scared and just plain tired of fighting so hard for respect and dignity.Who trust no one.

Gender Essay

Women are seen as Objects

In today’s day and age women are seen as objects in which you can label and speak rudely on. The people around should be aware of the inequality between men and women .Many women don’t walk into the street and say today is the day I would like for a random person to give me attention based on how they look. Many women go out to feel good about themselves and have a strong self esteem. Many men in today’s day and age have a strong urgency to want to do things that are unnecessary to do. Women should be allowed to be equal and given a voice just as a man may have because it influences their daily lives and affects their choice of clothing and how they can communicate.Women are seen as inferior to the male and society has not decided to make a change to this.

   “You’re a Sexist. And so am I” by Alia E.Dastagir describes how women are given an image of how they should be looked at in society. It states how many women tried to have a gain towards gender equality. Sexism has become a major problem in society today. Society creates a sense of a “perfect woman” which is the woman that men aspire her to be . “The media ritually objectifies women’s bodies, get women obsessively use those images to measure themselves and the women around them against an impossible standard”(Dastagir 1).At work a woman is considered to be dressed appropriately if she is wearing a piece of clothing pass the knees. Also if the clothing she’s wearing is loose then she won’t get the attention. Some women suffer from eating disorders because some feel if they were to not eat they would not attract the attention of males. Moreover,  rape has become a major thing in today’s society. Not only has it happened to many females but it seems to be a recurring cycle. It hurts a woman and traumatizes her for the rest of her life. It has a woman thinking what if she were to go out dressed showing skin would she be sexually assaulted again.

              Women are told that their knowledge isn’t listened to and acknowledged if it is coming from their mouths. If you are presenting evidence to a male audience it would be expected that a male speaker would speak because of the sexism between a man and a women. “You Know You Just Can’t Say These Things!” Institutionalization Sexism and Misogyny-My Life Changing Event” by Leo Sagittarius tells the reader about his experience with sexism. He explains how he had been working with his female partner who was the one who conducted the experiment on “gendered depictions of sexuality in pornography and their influence on modern society” (Sagittarius 3). When they had gotten all of the facts they had decided to present it to an audience and when it was presented a man stood up and told the female professor “you are a woman. You are inherently incapable of objectively analyzing sexuality and gender and the mere fact you chose pornography for your snapbox only proves this.Your whole study was a shame”(Sagittarius 4). This created a situation and shows that men think females are not smart enough to understand. This shows the inferiority that is seen in women. When Sagittarius  had decided to take over and present he was given acknowledgement for works that wasn’t even his to portray. This can be seen as an example as if a man was to have many women and be with many women he would get a pat on the back but if a woman were to do this she’s considered a “hoe” or a “slut”.

          All women go through a moment where men don’t see a female for who she is but for how she looks. I had a time in which an event of this kind occurred to me. I had been walking down the street with a very tight shirt and shorts. I had not expected much of it , I had only worn it because it had been about 100 degrees outside. There was a grown man maybe about in his fifties standing in front of a store and he said “Omg you’re so beautiful can I touch what I can’t have”. My initial reaction was to look at him as if he was crazy. He had started to follow me and I started to run because I didn’t know what to do. There has been countless times where older men have said things that shouldn’t be said to an 18 year old girl.

  “SlutWalks Demean Women and Encourage Sexual Objection”  by Kristen Powers speaks on how there have been many fundraisers which were being held in Washington, D.C. for a strip club. Powers also tells us that a campaign called SlutWalk started because a Toronto police officer had told some students at a campus safety meeting that if women did not want to be shamed they “should avoid dressing like sluts”. Many claim that the feminists are influencing a culture by marching around in fishnets and bras with the word “slut” on their bodies. The article is claiming that women in the SlutWalk are dressing up as those women who men would associate with to be their favorite type of women which is considered to be funny to them. The media has influenced women’s objectification through movies, music videos, magazines,porn sites, and billboards that all send the message. This is true that the media has influenced much of this disturbance but it doesn’t give a man or any person the right to touch  a woman unwillingly  based off of her clothing. A woman is allowed to wear what she pleases not only because she may want to attract the attention of others but if that’s what makes her happy in her own skin then allow her to do as she pleases. Powers clearly stated how women who were forced to wear this type of clothing were being given packs to give out to men to hide on their hands while they were doing what they “ needed to do” at these SlutWalks. There should also not be an organization in which humiliates a woman who doesn’t choose to be touched by men. 

Women are not allowed to walk into work with short skirts and tight shirt because it’s seen as unprofessional. It’s seen as a wanting for attention from another person. Women are not paid much mind too when it comes to speaking of statistics because men see them as inferior . If a man was to speak on facts he would get applauded for his work. When you look at it society portrays men to be above everyone else and have a say in everything that happens. When will this stand change .

The Global Fund for Women is a foundation that encourages equality for all women and influences women’s rights. They stand for women and girls rights and they want them to understand their rights. They help women who are being discriminated by the U.S administration. They work together with other foundations to give the women a voice to be able to speak up. There are ways to donate and be a supporter by going on www.globalfundforwomen.org. You are allowed to give monthly donations to women who are rapped and need to have abortions . They envision a world where all women , girls , and trans people be able to have the power over their body and what they feel like their sexual preference may be. They fund the health services for these groups of individuals.

Works Cited

Dastagir.Alia E. “You’re Sexist.And so Am I.” USA Today, Gannett Satellite Information    Network, 8 June 2017, www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/03/23/everyone-is- sexist-                          internalized-sexism/99528476/. 

Sagittarius, Leo. “You Know You Can’t Just Say These Things!” Institutional Sexism and Misogyny-My Life- Changing Event.” Daily Kos, www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/3/24/1484716/—You-Know-You-Just-Can-t-Say-These-Things-Insitutitonal-Sexism-and-Misogny-My-Life-Changing-Event.

Powers, Kirsten. "SlutWalks Demean Women and Encourage Sexual    Objectification."       Feminism, edited by Nancy Dziedzic, Greenhaven Press, 2012. 

Opposing Viewpoints. Gale In Context: Opposing Viewpoints,

https://link-gale-com.jerome.stjohns.edu/apps/doc/EJ3010122286/OVIC?u=nysl_me_stjn&sid=OVIC&xid=9b92b30e. Accessed 29 Oct. 2019. Originally published as "Slut  Walks Don't Help Women," Daily Beast, 19 May 2011.

Global Fund for Women supports women-led groups who are demanding rights in their own communities. For Women’s History Month. “Key Issues for Women Empowerment.” Global Fund for Women, www.globalfundforwomen.org/key-issues/.

Critical Thinking: Are Certain Celebrities Causing Women To Sexually Objectify Themselves?

Unless someone has been living under a rock for a number of years, they will have most likely heard about a certain family that receives a fair amount of media exposure. In this family, there are a number of daughters who routinely strip off for different magazines.

That is, of course, when they are not showing their bodies off on different social media sites. It has also been said that a few of these daughters are the main reason why so many women want, and have ended up getting, bigger behinds.

All Real

Yet, although their faces and appearances have changed over the years, they have done their best to make out that most of it is down to their genetics. It is then as though getting surgery is perfectly acceptable, but that there is something shameful about openly admitting it.

The trouble is that as these daughters have shared so many pictures of themselves online over the years, it is not hard for the average person to spot what has changed as time has passed. Merely spending a few minutes on a search engine will make it clear – one doesn’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to do it.

A Big Impact

Not only have these daughters had a big effect on the type of body shape that many women aspire to, they have also had a big impact on how thousands of women behave online. There is also the impact that they have had on how young girls behave online.

In general, it is going to be far easier to influence a young girl than it will be to influence a grown woman. But, the fact that women from broth groups are being influenced by these daughters shows that women of all ages are vulnerable to this influence.

One Outcome

What also needs to be emphasised is that these daughters are not the only women who have played a part in all this. Nonetheless, these daughters have most likely played the biggest part, and they have helped to spawn a whole new line of women who are having the same impact.

So, thanks, in part, due to their impact, it is not uncommon to come across young girls and women on social media who present themselves as sexual objects. Consequently, a lot of the images, and even the videos that they share, won’t be of their face, and they won’t be wearing much in a lot of them either.

Hypersexualized

A lot of the pictures that they share can be of their body and of their behind in particular. A woman could then be a student or simply have a normal job, yet she can create the impression that she is a soft-core porn star.

At the same time, someone may only come to this conclusion if they grew up without the internet. The reason for this is that what was classed as explicit in the past is often seen as being normal now, with this partly being result to how accessible porn is nowadays.

A Hungry Body

Based on what a woman like this will share online, it can be as though her body is starving for acknowledgment. Receiving attention and approval for this part of her is then going to be more important than having any other part of her acknowledged and affirmed.

Deep down, she may believe that her value as a human being depends on what her body looks like. Her emotional state is then going to be completely dependent on how her friends and strangers respond to what she shares online.

More Than an Object

Through spending so much time on her appearance and on editing the images that she uploads, it can cause her to overlook other parts of her being. By neglecting these other parts of her, it can result in her experiencing even more pressure to look right.

There are also bound to be plenty of older women out there who are incensed with what is going on. For years, these women will have tried to stop women from being objectified by magazines and other sources, only for later generations to objectify themselves.

One Cause

It would be easy to point the finger at these daughters, and other women, for how so many women are behaving online. The problem with this is that it absolves other people of personality responsibility, creating a victim/perpetrator dynamic.

In order for woman to have gone down this route, it is likely that there was already a weak point within her. And, the reason why she went down this route could be for the same reason why these daughters did.

A Closer Look

If someone is out of touch with their own inherent worth and, therefore, finds it hard to feel good about themselves, it can set them up to look towards others to compensate. With this in mind, perhaps a woman found it hard to feel good about herself, which is why she has ended up using her body to regulate how she feels.

It would be easy to say that this she feels this way because of the messages she has absorbed from society. What this would do is totally overlook the effect that her earlier years had on her life.

Emotionally Malnourished

One idea that could be put forward here is that this woman grew up without a father, or that her father wasn’t emotionally available. This then stopped her from getting the feedback that she needed to develop confidence, to feel capable and to believe in herself.

Hearing this can be hard if someone has been conditioned to believe that a man just provides the sperm and offers absolutely nothing to a child’s development. For quite some time now, it has been well-documented that so many people are now growing up without a father.

A Narcissistic Family

On the other hand, what this could show is that this woman was brought up by caregivers who were unable to love them for who they were. Instead, they would have only love them if they did want they wanted.

This would have set them up to become a human doing, with them believing that their value was based on what they do, not on who they are. They would have had to fulfil their caregiver’s needs, overlooking their own needs in the process

The Fallout

This type of upbringing would have caused the woman to feel as though her true-self was inherently worthless. Her value is then going to be something that resides outside of herself.

Ergo, unless she receives positive feedback from others, she will end up having to face the toxic shame that is within her, along with other painful feelings. Shame is a feeling that is not like any other, in that it is incredibly painful to experience.

Conclusion

Receiving positive feedback from others may keep her pain at bay, but it will come at a great price. For one thing, the level of attention that she receives won’t last forever – time will take its toll on her appearance.

Being dependent on other people in this way is also going to make it hard for her to experience inner peace. And as was mentioned above, there can be other areas of her life that she will neglect.

Focusing purely on her appearance can stop her from becoming a well-rounded person, with her having more than her looks to offer. This then becomes a vicious cycle, with her experiencing even more pressure to look good.

If a woman can see that this is something that has got out of control, and she wants to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.

Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10049741

The post Critical Thinking: Are Certain Celebrities Causing Women To Sexually Objectify Themselves? appeared first on Age Doesn't Matter.

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Feminazi Alert: 50 Signs You’re a Radical Feminist & Don’t Know It

Feminism freed women and gave them options they never had before. A feminazi seeks to take away women’s freedom to be women.

Okay, I am going to say something that may offend a great number of women and possibly an entire political movement in one fell swoop. Whenever you combine the word “Nazi” with any other word, it is meant to be offensive though. So, remember, don’t shoot the messenger. A feminazi is not a feminist.

The difference is a feminist is someone who believes a woman should have the same rights and privileges as a man in society. That, I agree with.

A feminazi has a view of the world that I don’t agree with. She is angry and upset about almost all things gender, believes women and men are completely and utterly equal in all ways, and gives no allowance for the fact that men and women are created differently.

50 signs you might be a feminazi

Born out of the feminist movement, feminazis take it several steps too far, are uncomfortable to be around, and, well, sometimes make you question their idea of gender roles altogether. Not allowing anyone to have their own opinion, they constantly try to tell the women around them that if they don’t subscribe to their military-like view of gender annihilation, then they simply don’t get it.

If you have a tendency to become a little too incensed about freeing the nipple, growing armpit hair, or don’t like a guy opening the door for you, that is on you. Not all of us have to feel that way, however. So, for the rest of our sakes, maybe you can just take it down a notch?

#1 You think that a bra is “the man’s” way of keeping you chained down. Bras are way too confining for your girls. [Read: The alpha female: 15 alpha qualities you need to unleash it!]

#2 You think cooking dinner is offensive since it is traditionally “woman’s work.” It isn’t that you can’t, you just don’t want to be held down.

#3 You haven’t been touched by a razor. Legs and armpits are made with hair for a reason.

#4 You think that girls have no obligation to smell good. No one is going to tell you how you can smell.

#5 Curves are something that your clothes should hide, not accentuate. Clothes aren’t for showing off your assets, they are utilitarian.

#6 You think conditioner was an invention a man made to rip you off. Let your hair be frizzy, that is your prerogative as a woman.

#7 You won’t be in a skirt anytime sooner than the guy next door. Skirts are just breezy pants to make women suffer.

#8 Pink. To a feminazi, it is like nails on a chalkboard.

#9 You think flirting is a useless tool that demeans women. Flirting is a waste of your time. A guy should like you for what’s on your mind, not in your pants.

#10 When you have a baby shower you make it unisex, even if you know the sex. Let’s not be labeling genders.

#11 You hate Barbie. She couldn’t even be real if she wanted to.

#12 You think it is totally okay for boys to play with dolls, but you don’t want to. Dolls are too frilly and cliche. [Read: Girly stuff stereotypes: 15 typical things not all girls like]

#13 Purses make you mad, especially the kind that cost a lot. What a waste of baggage.

#14 You can go on for hours about how mad you are that dry cleaners charge more for women’s shirts than men’s *although I do find that one offensive*. Okay, I will give you that one.

#15 High heels were an invention created to hurt a woman’s back and to make her look cheapened in the workplace. Until you see your male colleagues sporting stilettos, it ain’t gonna happen for you.

#16 You get all giddy when a gender protest might happen. You are always ready with a sign.

#17 Right to life issues makes smoke come out your ears. You always feel like anti-abortion men are coming to take your rights away. Relax… please.

#18 The word slut just sends you into a tizzy. Sluts are just women enjoying sex too. [Read: Slutty girls: 12 positive lessons we can all learn from them]

#19 You can swear like a sailor, or be one, and no one is going to tell you, you can’t. Lady manners are oppressive.

#20 If a guy gets promoted before you, you scream gender pay inequality. It can’t possibly be that he is more qualified or has a better personality.

#21 You get upset when a guy pulls out your chair, opens your door, or orders your meal. Those are all signs of disrespect for your gender. I can take care of myself, dammit!

#22 You think different starting times at marathons or separating winning times according to gender is angering. We are all equal, stop treating us differently.

#23 You believe that a woman can do ANYTHING that a man can do. I can even have a baby without men thanks to science.

#24 Calling someone sweetheart is tantamount to sexual assault in your book. What did you say to me?

#25 You were going to vote for Hillary or any other female candidate just because they were female… period. Politicians should all be women to make peace not war… right?

#26 Makeup, hair dye, and perfume were all created by men to keep women down and objectified.

#27 You know what the objectification of women means. You won’t let anyone make you an object of desire!

#28 The thought of a stripper makes you so mad you can’t speak.

#29 Lace is a four-letter word. If men don’t wear it, why should you?

#30 To you blow jobs are just another way that men debase women. Enough said. [Read: Top 8 reason why she refuses to give a blow job]

#31 Porno is just a symptom of the abuse that men perpetrate on women in society. The internet drives you crazy!

#32 Modification to make things easier for women is disrespectful to the female gender. You can do the same all the way around.

#33 If there is something to be moved you’ll be damned if some guy is going to do it for you. Move over, I got it!

#34 Flowers were meant for funerals, not to make women swoon. A waste of money, you’d rather go to the movies.

#35 You think that someone who wants to stay home and raise children is giving up her dreams. As a feminazi, you think that women who stay home deprive themselves of a real life. [Read: Stay at home wives and all the reasons so many women envy her]

#36 You don’t believe that a kid needs a mom and a dad because gender makes no difference. Don’t be limiting anyone’s gender!

#37 You would rather have a dirty house than clean it, that isn’t a woman’s job.

#38 You think that all men want is sex and are all on the prowl no matter what they say. Guys only want one thing! [Read: What to look for in a guy: 20 things that matter beyond looks]

#39 Letting your hair air dry is the only way to go. No one is going to tell you how to prepare for your day.

#40 You can bench as much as any man and aren’t afraid to spend hours pumping iron.

#41 You think that past generations of women have been brainwashed into feeling feminine. Your mom was just too dumb to know she missed out on so many options.

#42 You believe gender identity is taught not inherent. To a feminazi, stereotypes and society determine gender, not genetics.

#43 Manicures and pedicures are ridiculous and a waste of money to you.

#44 You try to convince young girls that they shouldn’t settle for careers that you deem too “womanly” like teaching and nursing. You seek out girls to mentor, so they don’t fall prey to womanistic ideas.

#45 Gloria Stein is your hero and the only woman who “gets it.” The feminazi of all time is your role model.

#46 Your wardrobe looks no different from your best guy friend.

#47 Most girls just don’t get it and need you to explain to them how they are being taken advantage of. It is your personal job to let every woman know how much they are being oppressed.

#48 You think that gender-specific toys are the downfall of society and keep people chained in stereotypes.

#49 You want to play football, baseball, and hockey, forget the girlie sports, they belittle women. You can compete on a “man’s” field all day long. [Read: Dating feminine men: Is it a boom or bust?]

#50 There is no way that you are ever going to use your gender to get ahead, not for all the tea in China. Not even if it will get you to the top.

[Read: The opposite of feminist: A new generation of women?]

A feminazi works very hard to omit what women can and can’t do by trying not to equalize genders, but to erase them and take away the things that make women, women.

The post Feminazi Alert: 50 Signs You’re a Radical Feminist & Don’t Know It is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

GA Bookclub#1 // Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay - written by Alice Porter

‘Books are often far more than just books’ writes Roxane Gay in her essay ‘I Once Was Miss America’. This statement rings true to me when writing this blog post and epitomises why I want to use this book club to discuss important issues. The meanings and implications that many of the books I have read have helped shape my perspective of the world. ‘Bad Feminist’ was one of these books, as I first read it a couple of years ago when I was beginning to discover feminism as something that aligned with my beliefs, but was fearful to outright call myself a feminist in fear of ‘getting it wrong’. This book allowed me to realise that I could still be a feminist even if some of my past and present habits did not align with my beliefs, as long as I was working on improving these things. As the last line of the book states, ‘I would rather be a bad feminist than no feminist at all.’ ‘Bad Feminist’ is very accessible, not only because of its conversational voice throughout but because of Gay’s complete willingness to admit that she is far from the ‘perfect feminist’, if such a thing really exists. The book also begins with the claim that feminism is flawed ‘because it is a movement powered by people and people are inherently flawed’. This is important to remember, especially for people who are quick to denounce feminism, and the statement allows a reader who is sceptical of feminism to find a middle ground with Gay, perhaps making them more willing to listen to what she has to say. ‘Me’ The first set of essays have a confessional tone, as does much of the book, as Gay, amongst various other things, goes into detail on her competitive scrabble wins and losses. These essays are humorous and portray Gay as relatable and charismatic to the reader, allowing her to discuss the hard-hitting issues this book is about whilst remaining approachable to the reader. This aspect of the text makes ‘Bad Feminist’ a really great book for someone who is still finding their feet as a feminist and is perhaps feeling overwhelmed, and Gay’s discussion of popular culture would also be useful for this reader as it is something most people can use as a reference point and reflects how the promotion of intersectional feminism is still absolutely necessary. My favourite essay from this section is ‘Peculiar Benefits’ as Gay discusses the necessity of acknowledging privilege but the dangers of completely silencing those with it, which would create ‘a world of silence’. She claims: ‘we need to get to a place where we discuss privilege by way of observation and acknowledgment rather than accusation’, which is crucial as I have witnessed how excluding individuals from conversation has dwindled discussion rather than encouraged it. ‘Gender and Sexuality’ These essays have an autobiographical format, which allows Gay to use her own experiences to discuss gender and sexuality, whilst also considering their portrayal in popular culture. In ‘How We All Lose’ Gay denounces the view that women should be grateful because of the progression of our position in society over the last 100 years, stating, ‘better is not good enough, and it’s a shame that anyone would be willing to settle for so little.’ As a woman who has been told that the cat-calling that makes me feel physically sick from vulnerability should be taken as a compliment, I can vouch for the fact that just because our rights have improved, we are yet to gain total equality. Gay states ‘if the patriarchy is dead, the numbers have not gotten the memo’ and, from my experience, neither have the men who shout sexual remarks at a women walking home alone at night. ‘The Careless Language of Sexual Violence’ is an essay that explores how damaging the casual ways in which we deal with rape can be, from living in a time that ‘necessitates the phrase rape culture’ to it’s gratuitous portrayals in television and film. Gay discusses how language is often used to ‘buffer our sensibilities’ from the brutality of sexual assault, leading to sympathy for the perpetrator and isolating the victim. This is something that is hugely relatable for me as someone who would shrug my soldiers when I was sexually assaulted at gigs saying things like, ‘they only pinched my bum, it’s not a big deal’ whilst feeling completely uncomfortable for the rest of the night, Even at a gig around a year and half ago when I spent the last two songs being grinded on and groped despite my clear unease and efforts to move away leading me to leave the gig early, I refused to accept to myself that I had been sexually assaulted and even attempted to make up excuses for the perpetrator in my head. Being sexually assaulted felt a great deal more significant than being ‘felt up’ but had I immediately accepted that that was what had happened to me, I know it would have been much easier to remove any responsibility for what happened from myself. This essay does a great job at bringing the importance of the language around sexual assault to light that, as Gay states, is not just careless but criminal. In ‘Beyond the Measure of Men’ Gay discusses how the actions of women are often compared to and measured against those of men and portrays the prevalence of this this through certain books written by women being labelled as ‘women’s fiction’ but similar books written by men being simply fiction for everyone. She states ‘narratives about certain experiences are somehow legitimised when mediated through a man’s perspective’. This is something that I had never considered but found really interesting as a book-lover. In the essay ‘Some Jokes Are Funnier Than Others’ Gay considers the humour behind rape jokes. She concludes that they not only serve to remind women that their bodies are open to legislation and public discourse but also that it is because sexual violence is embedded into our culture so deeply that people feel comfortable in making these jokes. Gay talks about her experience of rape in this book and, for me, her story alone would be enough to make rape jokes unfunny and completely insensitive. She also explains why women are allowed to respond negatively to misogynistic humour, ‘We are free to speak as we choose without fear or prosecution or persecution, but we are not free to speak as we choose without consequence.’ The final essay I’m going to discuss from this set is ‘Blurred Lines, Indeed’ as it discusses how music and feminism are linked - something that is particularly relevant to Girls Against. She looks at how rape culture is embedded and accepted in popular music such as in Robin Thicke’s ‘Blurred Lines’ that ‘revisits the age-old belief that sometimes when a woman says no she really means yes.’ Gay comments on how the culture that supports entertainment that objectifies women also elects lawmakers who work to restrict reproductive freedom. Gay describes this as a ‘chicken and the egg’ situation and as ‘trickle-down misogyny’. If we cannot deduce whether it is the lawmakers influencing the media or the media influencing the lawmakers should we really be willing to treat these songs as insignificant? ‘Race and Entertainment’ The next set of essays are significantly shorter, seemingly because they are much more focussed and specific than the previous set, as Gay discusses how race is portrayed in entertainment through considering various films and their significance. The first essay is centred around The Help and Gay’s take on a film/book that I initially enjoyed was really interesting and helped me to see it in a different light. She explains how The Help is a white interpretation of the black experience and is ‘an unfairly emotionally manipulative movie’, offering us a ‘sanitised’ picture of the early 1960s portraying life as hard for white women, and slightly harder for black women, when in reality life for black women was immeasurably more difficult in segregated America. Gay also describes the black women in this book and film as ‘caricatures…finding pieces of truth and genuine experience and distorting them to repulsive effect.’ After reading this essay I can see that this film that I initially enjoyed was seemingly created for the purpose of enjoyment alone. It uses real historical events that are distressing to provide entertainment and not to truthfully portray the painful history of black Americans because if this were the film’s purpose, an accurate depiction of their experiences would have undoubtedly been more of a priority. Gay feels similarly about Django Unchained, a film that I have not seen and so have less authority to comment on, describing it as ‘obnoxious’ and ‘indulgent’ as Tarantio uses a traumatic cultural experience to ‘exercise his hubris for making farcically violent, vaguely funny movies that set to right historical wrongs from a very limited, privileged position’. She also touches on the Oscars and how ‘Hollywood has very specific notions about how it wants to see black people on the silver screen’, as critical acclaim is often dependent on black suffering or subjugation. She asserts that despite this, audiences are ready for more from black film and I certainly agree with this- there is a great deal more to black experience and history than slavery. In a further essay ‘The Last Day of a Young Black Man’ Gay discusses the detrimental effects of demonising young black men in contemporary cinema in reference to the shooting of 22-year old, defenceless Oscar Grant. The effects of the demonisation of young black men in society are terrifying and Gay’s examination of how this is reflected in film is harrowing. Orange Is The New Black is the subject of the last essay in this set ‘When Less Is More’ as Gay explains how its source material concerning a privileged white woman serving a prison sentence will never be anything more than this. She also states that ,as black woman, she is tired of feeling like she should be grateful ‘when popular culture deigns to acknowledge the experiences of people who are not white, middle class or wealthy, and heterosexual’ and that the way in which we are focussing on OITNB’s attempt at doing this shows the extent to which we are forced and willing to settle. ‘Politics, Gender and Race’ These seven essays cover a broad range of issues and are much less focussed than the previous two sets. In the first essay ‘The Politics of Respectability’ Gay discusses the danger of encouraging respectability politics, stating that the targets of oppression should not be wholly responsible for ending that oppression. She uses examples to portray the problems in suggesting that just because one person from a marginalised group has been successful this does not mean everyone is able to reach this same level of success. This is an interesting essay that shows the many ways in which different groups of people can be diminished and the difficult consequences of this. In perhaps my favourite essay of the entire book, ‘The Alienable Rights of Women’, Gay discusses reproductive healthcare and why it is so important to women’s freedom. Repeating the phrase ‘Thank goodness women do not have short memories’ throughout the essay, Gay explores how trivially reproductive freedom is discussed by certain politicians and why the ongoing debate surrounding it, usually instigated by men, is ‘the stuff of satire’. People have actually questioned me on why reproductive healthcare is a women’s rights issue and although I usually have a long and detailed answer to this, Gay sums it up neatly, ‘There is no freedom in any circumstance where the body is legislated, none at all.’ ‘The Racism We All Carry’ explains how racism is embedded in pretty much all of us because ‘We’re human. We’re flawed. Most people are simply at the mercy of centuries of cultural conditioning.’ Gay comments on the fact that for many people, there are times when you can be racist and times when you cannot, depending on your company and setting. Sadly, I feel this is true for a great deal of people, proving Gay’s previous point. ‘Back To Me’ In the final set of essays, Gay plainly states that she ‘falls short as a feminist’ and describes the ways in which she does. Not only this but she describes how feminism has been ‘warped by misperception’ and that her main issue with it is that it ‘doesn’t allow for the complexities of human experience or individuality.’ Gay’s rejection of a prescribed form of feminism is really what makes her approach so accessible. She concludes in stating that although she might be a ‘bad feminist’, she is committed to the issues feminism promotes despite its issues and that it’s importance and necessity cannot be denied. I enjoyed reading ‘Bad Feminist’ this time round as much as I did reading it for the first time, however there are some small issues I have with it. Gay’s complete acceptance in sometimes falling short as a feminist and straying from the principles that she believes in provides reassurance for the reader but perhaps too much leniency. It’s okay if some of your habits don’t completely align with your views but I think rather than completely accepting it, it’s important to work on changing them and improving yourself and Gay’s approach is often a little too laidback for me. I would have also liked Gay’s essays to have been more focussed on the topics they were supposed to be centred around according to the sub-heading they were under. Although I enjoyed the essays themselves, I felt like the way in which they were organised into sub-headings was a little bit lazy and last-minute and this is especially relevant to the penultimate set of essays, ‘Politics, Gender & Race’. Despite these arguably minor issues I took with the book, I think it is great because it covers such a wide range of topics in an informative, thought-provoking way and I would recommend it to feminist newbies and veterans alike, so much so that I rated it 5 stars on Goodreads, which is rare to say the least! If you can’t get hold of the book, many of her essays are available online including some of the ones I have mentioned. For the month of August, the Girls Against Book Club will be reading ‘The Color Purple’ by Alice Walker. If you aren’t familiar with this feminist classic, it’s a novel, first published in 1982, set in rural Georgia that focuses on the life of women of colour in the 1930s. I’ve wanted to read this book for a while and I hope that you will join me in reading or re-reading it! If you do have any thoughts on ‘The Color Purple’, the Girls Against Book Club would love to hear them and we will feature any comments we particularly enjoy in the September blog post. You can send them to us any time before Sunday 3rd September using the hashtag on twitter #GABookClub, email us at [email protected] or join our GoodReads group and contribute to the monthly book discussion here. All credit to the wonderful Alice Porter