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walkerismychoice · 3 years

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Queen of My Heart - Chapter 36

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Drake X MC, Liam X Olivia, Hana X OC Lydia

Rating: NSFW (I didn’t intend it but it just happened

Summary: Liam finally clears the air with Constantine, and we go to the Fire and Ice Ball at Lythikos, the final social season even before Liam chooses his future Queen.

A/N: Umm, I don’t even want to know how many years it’s been since I updated, but it is with the encouragement of you readers that I was compelled to finish. My tag list is probably way outdated and I’m sure I’ve missed some poeple who’ve asked to be tagged along the way. Feel free to let me know either way if you want to be tagged or removed from the list.

Tag List: @khakie4 @dreadpirateemma @ritachacha @blackcoffee85 @choices-fanatic @boneandfur @butindeed @simplyaiden-blog @bobasheebaby @traeumerinsworld @theroyalweisme @umccall71 @lizeboredom @debramcg1106 @enmchoices @jadedpixiescribbles @withice @viktoriapetit @mfackenthal @drakesfiance @drakelover78 @speedyoperarascalparty @silviasutton1989 @krisnicjack @devineinterventions2 @choiceswreckedme @notoriouscs @blackcatkita @hamalu @akrenich @drakewalkerfantasy @jamielea81 @andy-loves-corgis @jlouise88 @jovialyouthmusic @sleepwalkingelite @i-miss-trr @dragonball-luver @gkittylove99 @lovingchoices14

Word Count: 2861

Queen of My Heart Chapter Index

“Hello, Father.” Liam greeted Constantine as he walked into the hospital room. He noted the King's color was back to normal and he seemed in good spirits.

"My son, I knew you'd come!" Constantine reached towards Liam with arms outstretched.

Liam just shook his head and held up a hand to stop him. "This is not that kind of visit. I'm here because I know... I know everything."

"What-" Constantine choked out before a coughing fit ensued.

Liam fought the instinctual urge to comfort his father. "Enough with the theatrics. I know about Madeleine...about you threatening the show if they didn't help her win...as if me choosing the woman I plan to spend my life with is some political game to be won."

"How did you find out? I gave strict orders that my demands were confidential."

Liam scoffed. "Seriously? I just told you I found out you tried to have the producers manipulate me into marrying a woman I don't love, and that's all you had to say for yourself?"

"You have to understand," Constantine pleaded. "Madeleine is what's best for Cordonia, and what's best for Cordonia is what's best for you."

"Unbelievable!" Liam felt the anger rising in his chest like a simmering pot ready to boil over. "You may have told yourself that to feel better about choosing your commitments to Cordonia over happiness, love, family... Maybe you’ve lied to yourself for so long you’ve actually started to believe it, but it's one hundred percent bullshit. I know I'll be a more effective leader if I get to choose the woman I want by my side, and that woman is Olivia."

Constantine's jaw dropped and there was a long pause before he gained his composure to protest. "Absolutely not. You know her family's history. I'd rather have you on the same page as me, but I am still King-"

"Save your breath," Liam shut him down. "You should know that your perfect candidate Madeleine has displayed some behavior quite unbecoming of a future queen, and it is all on film. I know Cordonians are generally flexible with their views on monogamy, but I don't think Madeleine sleeping with the host of the show while she's trying to compete for my affection will look good in anyone's eyes. She has been eliminated from the show and is no longer in the running. That leaves only Riley aside from Olivia, and I know you know what's going on there."

Constantine's face fell momentarily in resignation, but then he perked back up again. "Well, then you can bring back someone else. Kiara is quite lovely and is fit to play the part."

"Enough!" Liam practically shouted much too loud for the thin hospital walls. "Not that I owe you an explanation, but Olivia is stronger, smarter, and more capable of ruling a country than anyone you could hope to pair with me. You seem to forget that I am the son who stuck by you and am now the rightful and only heir to the throne. Your reign is coming to an end, and you have no choice but to accept my decision."

Unexpectedly, Constantine's demeanor changed, a sly grin creeping across his face. "My boy, I've always been a bit worried you were too soft to be king. However, seeing you stand up for yourself today gives me hope. I still don't approve of your choice, but I will no longer stand in your way."

Liam shook his head and let out an incredulous laugh, reeling from Constantine’s sudden change of course. "Bastien will take you back to the palace. We can talk more when I know it's not just the medicine that's gotten to your head."

-----

“Well, this place certainly explains a lot about Olivia.” Riley mused aloud as she scanned the ballroom. Ornate floor to ceiling windows with deep alcoves were surrounded by walls with intricate, gilded accents leading up to a hand-painted ceiling measuring at least 3 stories high. The grandeur of the space was both intimidating and beautiful at the same time, much like its owner.

“Has she shown you all the toys in her armory yet? That too says a lot about Olivia," Drake chuckled at his own joke.

Riley laughed along. “No, but she does constantly remind me she keeps a dagger hidden under her skirt. Are you sure Liam knows what he’s in for?”

"Heh. Better him than me, that's for sure. Liam's warm and fuzzy exterior can make him seem like a pushover, but he can hold his own when it matters. Olivia needs someone who can roll with her mood swings but still call her on her bullshit when needed."

"You know, I admit I had a little trouble wrapping my brain around Liam choosing Olivia, but when you put it that way, it makes sense. Now I suppose I need to find Kat so I can figure out if I need to dance with Liam or something. Ugh, I cannot wait until all these balls are over.

Drake almost doubled over laughing. "Oh, Bennett, I hate to break it to you, but this shit never ends. Next will be the coronation, then some charity gala, Liam's wedding...the list goes on. Welcome to your life as a noble woman."

Riley stared ahead blankly as a giant wave of realization washed over her. It was all so much, so fast. She'd never had time to think past the next day to consider this was all ending soon, and then what? Did she stay with her new-found family and live this life that was still foreign to her in so many ways? What about her life in New York? Sure, she didn't have much going on at the moment, but she still had her aunt Susan and best friend Sarah along with some good friends at work like Daniel. Becoming a therapist was still one of her goals, at least it was until the day she left for Cordonia. Now everything was so unclear, and she could hardly breathe.

Drake must have noticed her face looking some kind of way because he placed a hand on the small of her back and guided her to an open doorway to a nearby balcony. "Why don't we get you some air before you go off and do your thing for the show?"

Once outside and around the corner of the wraparound balcony, Drake pulled Riley into his chest, holding her securely, and she was almost instantly calmed. All the what-ifs fell away, and it was just them. All she needed was the be with him, wherever that turned out to be, and everything else would fall into place.

But what if Drake didn't quite feel the same? They'd been talking as if they'd be together indefinitely, but in reality, they'd only known each other two months. The anxious fluttering in her chest started up again.

Drake pulled back to look her in the eyes. "Riley, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. You know, we're both still half American. We can move back to the states....or uh, I mean you can move back to the states if that's what you want." His eyes darted bashfully to the ground.

Riley's face lit up, the nervous thumping in her chest giving way to excited butterflies. "I like the sound of 'we' better if that's what you really meant. You'd really move back to the U.S. with me? I mean I've hardly had the chance to think about what I want, so that may be irrelevant, but you seriously see a future with me?"

"I do." Drake smiled earnestly. "I'm sure anyone who knows me will think I've gone mad, but whether it means being in New York City and putting up with cramped apartments and way too many people, living a quieter, simple life in Texas, or stealing moments away at dreadful Cordonian events such as this, I know we can make our own happiness...together."

"Wow, the Drake Walker I met two months ago would not believe what's coming out of your mouth right now." Riley touched the back of her hand to Drake's forehead in jest. "Are you sure you aren't running a fever?"

"Haha, very funny." Drake swiftly but gently pushed Riley back again the stone wall. "I'm not feeling ill, but I know how to make your temperature rise.

"You pushing me against duchy walls is becoming a thing, huh? Must have really enjoyed the almost public sex last time."

"Possibly," Drake teased as he slipped his hand through the side-slit in her icy-blue gown, gently gliding his fingers up her thigh. Riley braced herself as Drake neared the place she wanted him the most. Goosebumps gave way to a burning need before she remembered where they were.

"Wait." She pushed a hand against his chest. "We're not exactly alone here, and we've gone to such lengths to keep this under wraps. Someone could walk out here at any moment."

Drake shrugged. "I know it may be a bit reckless, but honestly at this point, I don't care. I just want you."

Riley opened her mouth to protest but nothing came out before Drake swooped in for a searing kiss. She instantly melted into him, Drake continuing his earlier action and deftly plunging two fingers inside her, his eyes widening slightly in surprise when he noticed there was no fabric barrier to work around. A strangled moan escaped Riley's throat as he stroked the exact spot he knew always left her at his mercy.

Drake pulled back with a satisfied grin. "Do you want me to stop? Just say the word and we'll go back in right now."

Instead of answering, Riley yanked him by the collar and crushed her lips to his. Drake responded by hoisting her up and over to the balcony. He perched her atop the railing, one hand grasped firmly around her waist and the other making quick work of undoing his pants.

Teetering on the narrow ledge two stories high, Riley clamped her hand tightly to the railing on either side of her and Drake noticed. "I've got you Bennett, no need to worry. I won't let anything happen to you. I'm just doing my job after all," he said with a smirk.

She smiled at his reference to what was now an inside joke between them. But all joking aside, he always made her feel safe. She released her grip, flinging her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist.

Drake eased his cock free and Riley could tell how hard he was just by sight, the skin stretched taught from his perfect proportion of thickness and length. He lifted her dress and she couldn't wait any longer. She pulled him in and he took the invitation to thrust inside her. Even as wet was she was, his size created just the right amount of fullness and friction to take her breath away.

Riley moaned and gasped with each thrust, which in turn seemed to turn Drake on even more. The thrill of being up so high with nothing but him to hold her only added to her excitement and when he began rubbing circles over her clit with his thumb that was all it took to push her figuratively over the edge. She tightened around him everywhere, her orgasm eliciting immense heat and pleasure with every pulse, resulting in Drake picking up his pace until his own release followed shortly thereafter.

Drake carefully set Riley down before putting himself back together. "I'm almost a little disappointed we didn't nearly get caught this time."

"If I don't get back in there immediately, that's still a possibility." Riley had no idea how much time had passed but it was probably more than she thought. "Fuck, Kat is going to be pissed." Riley straightened her skirt and started towards the ballroom door.

"Wait!" Drake puller her in for a quick kiss. "I love you. Just so you don't forget."

Riley rolled her eyes but smiled. "You know you have nothing to worry about. If Liam's charms haven't wooed me yet, I think you’re safe. But I love you too. Now go do your job." She smacked him on the ass before hustling back to the ballroom, Drake following shortly thereafter.

As expected, Kat was frantic when Riley found her. “Where the fuck were you? You were supposed to meet up with me twenty minutes ago?”

Overhearing Riley’s scolding, Olivia smugly sidled up next to them. “I mean, I didn’t mind getting extra time with Liam, but you know Jo and Kat and there ‘ratings’, Olivia said while gesturing with air quotes. She scanned Riley from head to toe and then glanced over to Drake on the perimeter. “Ugh, I can tell you exactly what, or rather who she was doing. Gross. I guess that just makes my position more secure, but really, couldn’t you have waited until after my ball to fuck him?”

Riley sheepishly smoothed her hair and adjusted her dress. “I just needed some air, that’s all. I was having a moment.”

Olivia scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Whatever you want to call it. Although I still cannot fathom why you chose Drake, I suppose I should be a little easier on you for eliminating yourself from the competition and allowing Liam to break free of his distraction of the shiny new object.”

“Aww, Olivia, that’s so sweet. Next thing you know we’ll be best friends,” Riley replied sarcastically.

“I don’t know about friends...but I do dislike you less than the rest of them.” Olivia tried and failed to hold back a smile.

“I’ll take it,” Riley said with a laugh before turning to Jo. “Okay, now tell me where I need to be.”

Jo set Riley up with Liam on the dance floor. It still wasn’t hard to pretend to be into Liam because it wasn’t all pretend, but there was no lingering pining between them.

“Well, I spoke to my father this morning.” Liam spun Riley around and brought her back to face him.

“Finally!” Riley exclaimed. “How did that go?”

“I’m still trying to wrap my head around it to be completely honest, but it went surprisingly well. I told him I knew everything, and he no longer had a say in my decision. He tried to argue with me at first, but somehow something I said made him respect me. He still may not agree with my choice, but I think this is finally all over! I am free to choose who I want without any threat or blackmail hanging over my head.

Riley pulled Liam in and hugged him tightly. “That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you, and for all of us.” The weight on Riley’s shoulders was suddenly ten times lighter. She hadn’t let herself think too deeply about how much was at stake, but now that the air was clear, she realized how stressed she had been. “Now all that’s left is for you to tear my heart to pieces on national television, and you get your fairy tale ending.”

Liam chuckled. “I’ll try to let you down easy.”

-----

Drake stood in his usual position off the side of the dance floor. This may not be the last of these events he’d have to endure, but at least it should be the last time he’d have to stand on the sidelines watching Riley dance with someone else. He was secure in what they had, but it still didn’t stop that twinge of jealously seeing her and Liam together talking, touching, and having fun. But it wasn’t a bad thing that his best friend and girlfriend get along so well. Girlfriend...that’s the first time he’d used that term for anyone he’d “dated”, even if only in his head. It was hard to believe everything was falling into place.

Drake took his eyes off Riley to scan the perimeter. What he saw didn’t immediately register as out of the ordinary, but then he quickly recalled this person walking towards the dance floor wasn’t supposed to be there.

“Bastien, check out three o’clock.” Drake altered Bastien via his radio earpiece. “How did she get in here without security clearance?”

“I don’t know.” Bastien replied. “I’ll check with the other guys to see who let her in. Keep an eye on her.”

Drake watched in concern as Madeleine marched towards the dance floor. She’d been banned from the rest of filmed events after her stunt. Not wanting to let her cause a scene, Drake was about to stop her from getting any closer, when she pulled out an unmistakable object. She had a gun and it was pointed right at Riley and Liam.

Before Drake could alert the rest of the team, people started to scatter. He heard a familiar click and knew he had to disarm Madeleine immediately, but it was too late. A shot went off and he didn’t hesitate. Drake dove between the bullet and his two best friends on the dance floor, and that would be the last thing he remembered before he hit the floor.

#QOMH #TRR #drake x mc #ns*fw #playchoices fanfiction #the royal romance #my fic

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arconn · 3 years

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I remember how much I used to do these in high school/my early 20s, I wish I could do an old one and compare responses. Here's one for today, 06/21/21

1) Sexuality? Pansexual, meaning I don't have a preference of what you're working with and I don't exclude those who identify as nonbinary/agender.

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Russel Crowe

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. with a stock of white, forearms tattooed in black Borean ink- the black dragon that marks him as an outsider. - Witches of America by Alex Mar

4) What do you think about most? That people want to be good and be happy but also very much have the opportunity to cause the opposite

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say? Hope you have today off...

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on? Usually with but it depends on what time of year it is

7) What’s your strangest talent? Being able to guess poeple's zodiac signs pretty accurately.

8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence) should be treated the same

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you? Yes

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar? I don't even remember honestly.

11) Do you have any strange phobias? Preying mantasis, they absolutely terrify me and are bore deep into my psyche

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Yes

13) What’s your religion? I identify as an omniest, meaning I find truth and beauty in all religions and also as a pagan witch- a woman who loves and respects the earth, her elements and the way it effects us. I read tarot and look for divine guidance primarily from a central collective consciousness/energy and divinity that is in us all.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Hooping, going on a walk

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Like a whole band with instruments and multiple musicians? Either Born of Osiris of August Burns Red

17) What was the last lie you told? That I was okay when I wasn't

18) Do you believe in karma? Absofreakinglutely

19) What does your URL mean? That I'm one tough bitch ;)

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? My quickness to trust someone and be vulnerable and shutting myself off or down when I realize I shouldn't have. And loving other people and things, when I'm at my best I aspire to emulate loving goddess energy and make others feel safe and seen.

21) Who is your celebrity crush? I honestly am not a big fan of most celebrities

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Honestly, no.

23) How do you vent your anger? Usually to a friend or through hooping

24) Do you have a collection of anything? Crystals, metaphysical books, tarot decks.

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Through messenger

26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become? Yes, though there is a lot I am still working hard on.

27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? The sound of people chewing or brushing their teeth and I love the sound of deep low frequency bass and my bunny Winston "purring"

28) What’s your biggest “what if”? What if a certain relationship worked out and I hadn't left and we stayed together

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I believe in the possibility of everything but also that anything can be debunked. I say yes to both.

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. Left- my phone, right-a bag of cashews :)

31) Smell the air. What do you smell? A candle burning nearby.

32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to? Probably the part of Bahrain we got dumped in while waiting for our ship. Of course, at the time I had never been to or lived in Philly or Baltimore, but it was a lot and was absolutely not safe.

33) Choose East Coast or West Coast? East coast, but I haven't been to the west coast yet.

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Anderson Paak *heart eyes* thats my BAYBEEEEE

35) To you, what is the meaning of life? See #13

36) Define Art. Expression

37) Do you believe in luck? I believe in divine blessing

38) What’s the weather like right now? Absolutely beautiful and 70 something outside

39) What time is it? 2:51

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Yes, though I don't have a car right now. And no I haven't, only been rear ended once.

41) What was the last book you read? Been reading Witches of America by Alex Mar lately as well as some study astrology material.

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline? Love it.

43) Do you have any nicknames? Mana

44) What was the last movie you saw? The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It... it was absolutely amazing

45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? Dislocating my knee, it went all the way to the backside of my leg!!

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly? Oh yes

47) Do you have any obsessions right now? Learning my job and getting better at it, smoking weed, getting these next couple milestones together that are coming up.

48) What’s your sexual orientation? Pansexual, see #1 for an explanation

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Oh yes

50) Do you believe in magic? Definitely

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Nah, I wish I could sometimes, but I'm actually pretty bad at it, to my own demise.

52) What is your astrological sign? Aquarius sun, Scorpio moon, Capricorn rising

53) Do you save money or spend it? Spend it. UGH.

54) What’s the last thing you purchased? A smoothie

55) Love or lust? Love

56) In a relationship? Not currently, no.

57) How many relationships have you had? I don't even know anymore... that would be a lot to count out.

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Yes

59) Where were you yesterday? Work and then home and in my bed sleeping for almost 13 hours.

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? Yes, a hula hoop

61) Are you wearing socks right now? Nope

62) What’s your favorite animal? Rabbits and octopus

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? Look at them very intently with my eyes and show genuine care/focus on them

64) Where is your best friend? I don't really have a best friend right now, my closest is in Maryland right now, but I haven't seen her in over a year.

65) Spit or swallow?(; Always swallow

66) What is your heritage? Irish/Scottish

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? DEAD ASLEEP

68) What do you think is Satan’s last name? Gon'getcha

69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? What kinda question is this? Duh. Society is so weird about sexuality it's kind of gross. *shudders*

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Yeah!

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? Yell for help, save the dog. Take pictures once the rescue is a success and try and explain it to my boss, if they let me go, they let me go.

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? I tell everyone I care about, yes. I would spend the rest of my time with my family and saying goodbye to certain friends. I'd try to fit in as much live music as humanly possible as well and maybe take a few days trip abroad, probably somewhere where I could be on the beach.

73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love. Love, because if it's true, you get both

74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Touch by Hybrid Minds

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 1***

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Trust, over communication, taking time for the cute and little things

77) How can I win your heart? ^

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity? Absolutely

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Letting things go in order to gain

80) What size shoes do you wear? 8 1/2 or 9

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY! C'MON! -WILL FERREL

82) What is your favorite word? Fuck

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. Swell

84) What is a saying you say a lot? "The road to suffering is paved with expectations" -The Buddha

85) What’s the last song you listened to? Loan Shark by Commodo

86) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors? Lavendar, royal blue, deep purple, light magenta, neon red, burnt orange

87) What is your current desktop picture? $uicideboy$

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Oh boy, I don't think I'd want that to happen to anyone because they could be with other people like their family and shit. That would be so horrible.

89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Haven't found one yet.

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? Slowly look around and see if I can find a weapon, then quickly get to it and make a quick exit, defending myself from the mummies if need be.

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? It's a tie between teleporation and being able to heal others/myself.

92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? My wedding day.

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Early memories in the barracks at Fort Meade

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? Al Ross or $crim

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? India

96) Do you have any relatives in jail? Not that I know of

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car? Yup, but it was into a bag every time

98) Ever been on a plane? Many times

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY, c'MON!

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bosstilltheend · 4 years

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* A 2AM Random Rant I Needed To Write Down For Some Weird Reason*

You

I am not like most others.

I don't like most of the things most of the society likes.

I don't really understand half of the reasons why society is the way it is.

We live in a weird twisted world where people try so hard to live by the standards and pressure put upon us by peers and by the irrealstic garbage ass standards the media is portraying.

The new view of society is stupid goals or achievements like a bucket list.

This list makes no sense to me.

People actually think that fulfilling someone else's wishes and dreams or a boring stupid standard list of what is so called the American dream is "making it" in life.

That's the most stupid shit I've ever heard in my life.

People actually think that if they get married, get a house, have a good paying job and have kids is the ultimate goal.

It's so absurd.

Not everyone is alike.

Not everyone needs to get married or have kids to be happy.

Not everyone needs a good paying job or have a good house to be happy.

There are so many different people.

People who are minimalists, poeple who work lesser paid jobs but are the happiest they could ever be, people who don't want kids, or don't see marriage as an necessity, they can all still be happy.

What is happy actually?

People seem to lose vision of what happy is.

Is it seeing yourself and others around you being in total balance of life?

Is it just about who makes the more money?

Money doesn't buy happiness.

Money can be spent on nice things yes, but money cannot buy good poeple or good values.

Nothing is more valuable than being surrounded by love and compassion.

Being surrounded by who you love and trust in life.

Be it blood related or not.

I faced the truth many years ago and saw that blood isn't always family.

There is literally one maybe two people in my entire family in whom I have a good relationship with.

You are not forced to be related in any way with you family.

If they are not good for you or your mental health they must go.

Letting go of things like that help people move forward.

They help you grow as a human being.

It's not to say that those people will never come back in your life in a good way, because sometimes people change or circumstances change and make the development of that certain relationship possible.

Don't be afraid to cut off the toxic people.

Don't be afraid to think about yourself sometimes.

It's not selfish, it's called self care.

Self care is the most important factor in a sain and healthy lifestyle.

Don't be afraid to spend that extra dollar on something that is worth it for you or your health.

Everything has it's balance.

The key is to find the good balance between your well being and wealth.

But no need to panic also.

People get so wrapped up around money.

People spend their whole lives worrying about money.

Money is mostly fictional numbers that come and go.

Money is the reason some people have a hard time living.

We live in a fucked system that opress people with less money.

The true feeling of bliss and happiness is when you cannot care about money and yes I know you need to care to a certain extent, but I mean do not get your head wrapped around it.

Money does not control your life, you do.

People don't control your life, you do.

Only you have the power to control your happiness.

Live your life the way that makes you the happiest.

Spend time doing what you love.

Spend time with your loved ones.

Don't be afraid to experiment and explore.

It's fine to not stay put.

It's fine to want change.

Be courageous and dive head first in new projects or plans.

We are our own creators.

We create our future the way we see fit.

Nothing should be stopping you from being you.

From doing the things you like doing.

From liking the things that you like.

No one is you except you.

Just Be You.

Love You.

Embrace You.

Never be ashamed of You.

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fuelthesoul · 5 years

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Late post, written on the morning of 01/06/2019

Hello everyone!

I have been a bit behind with my blog. The holidays were incredibly busy with family and friends, which was fantastic! My #LittleLove was on holiday break from school and my Christmas surprise gift for her took me some time to complete. I spent the first week of the new year taking care of our sick pup, #LittleCharles, but happy to say that he appears to be back to his old self again. Thank goodness, he gave us a huge scare!

I came downstairs this morning before everyone else to have some coffee and quiet time. We had a late night with our neighborhood family and I could probably use the sleep, but as you all know, I am one of those people who craves my early morning coffee and alone time.

This morning, I am a remembering a conversation last night where a few of my favorite friends said “2019 is the year I do this…and this…and this…” I LOVED all of their comments and goals. I stood back and took it all in. I loved how everyone was encouraging as we talked through it all with humor, laughter, and genuine care for each other. But this morning, I realized I didn’t mention a goal. In fact, I did not set any new ones this year to date.

In January 2018, I wrote a blog called the A Reason? A Season? A LifeTime? I can recall my state of mind at that time. There were some changes in my life and a three minute phone call that would change the course of my year. There was sadness, relief, a sense of excitement of the unknown, but most importantly, a sense of peace that would set the tone for the year.

I am incredibly blessed as 2018 turned out to be an excellent year!

I welcomed wonderful new people into my life. Thank you for loving and supporting me!

I traveled to Rome with my #LittleLove where we had the most amazing experience with my #LittleLove. The food, the sights, and some extremely humbling religious experiences were incredible. It was a trip of a lifetime!

I explored Nashville, had some fun Atlanta trips, hiked mountain trails, and enjoyed another fun week with my family in Florida.

I completed another Spartan race with good friends. AROOOO!

Work was super busy and I am so blessed to be able to have a flexible job where I can provide for my little family and also be available for my #LittleLove’s events.

I am raising the most amazing beautiful and well- mannered girl.

We started the holidays by hosting our 7th Annual Ugly Christmas Sweater Party. It was so much fun again!

I rang in the New Year with some of my closest friends and my #LittleLove.

All of these were amazing, but my favorite part of 2018, of course in addition to Rome, was spending quality time with my friends and family. I do wish I lived closer to all of them because I miss them like crazy.

Two fun girls at our 7th Annual Ugly Christmas Sweater Party.

All of these were amazing, but my favorite part of 2018, of course in addition to Rome, was spending quality time with my friends and family. I do wish I lived closer to all of them, because I miss them like crazy.

So when thinking of 2019, my goals are to continue on my current path. I want to continue to travel and enjoy life with the most amazing family and friends. I am one LUCKY woman to have them all in my life!

I am taking an excerpt from my 2017 and 2018 posts and updating it a bit.

Another Spartan race in the books! AROOO!

Don’t wait for it. Go out & make a CHANGE. Continue to SMILE more. Be EXCITED about life. Do NEW things. Throw away what you’ve been cluttering. Unfollow negative people on social media. Surround yourself with POSITIVE poeple. Enjoy time with FRIENDS. Be FIERCE. Keep HONEST. Stay LOYAL. TRAVEL whenever possible. Stay HUMBLE. PRAY more. Don’t gossip. Never stop LEARNING. Show more GRATITUDE. Do things that CHALLENGE you. Be BRAVE.

Below are some pics from our 2018 Italy trip where we took tours of the Vatican and The Colliseum. We climbed to the top of St. Peter’s Basilica. We sat in the Sistene Chapel. We explored ancient ruins, traveled to San Giovanni, visted many beautiful cathedrals, including St. Ignatius. We sat in the Pantheon, people watched at the Spanish Steps, and ate gelato at the Trevi Fountain. It was a trip of a lifetime!

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Below are some of my favorite 2018 pictures with my best friend!

Happy 2019 everyone!

Fuel The Soul

Anna

2018 Reflections & Ciao 2019! Late post, written on the morning of 01/06/2019 Hello everyone! I have been a bit behind with my blog.

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theghostwritersstory-blog · 6 years

Text

pro·jec·tion prəˈjekSH(ə)n/ Part 1

Definition

A psychological projection is a defense mechanism people subconsciously employ in order to cope with difficult feelings or emotions. Psychological projection involves projecting undesirable feelings or emotions onto someone else, rather than admitting to or dealing with the unwanted feelings.

BACKGROUND

Growing up, I’ve always considered myself to be somewhat of a loner. And that’s not to say that I’m antisocial, or incapable of building bonds with others. It’s actually the contrary, when I do form bonds they are very near and dear to me, and I cherish them with everything I have. I just always had this sense of self, that others confused with me “distancing myself”, when in reality I would always seek solitude for progression.

At my most outgoing, I can even be the life of the party, if I want to be. I also have created some long-lasting friendships that I’ll always cherish, even if they may have ended, the love doesnt. However, being an only-child made me very comfortable with temporarily retreating back to my solitude, when need be. Part of living in solitude, means not always being “in the mix”, or surrounded by the crowd. One thing I’ve learned, is that when you are more to yourself, and people don’t really know you, they are more likely to create projections about you.

WHEN THEY DON’T KNOW, THEY’LL MAKE IT UP

I don’t know why, but I think that others find comfort in trying to figure out who you are, especially when they don’t really know. And when people are less likely to truly know who you are, they can develop a habit of making it up, whether they realize this or not. Even people that you are close to can project onto you as well.

I think that’s why I’ve always been so enthralled in the concept projections, their meaning, and why some of us are so comfortable making them.

We live in a world where many will judge you based on their own beliefs/perceptions, deep within their subconscious mind. Some people have certain character traits that they may like to deny having, such as; anger, jealousy, envy, greed, territorialism, bitterness, neediness, that they try to project onto other people. They launch psychological defense mechanisms to externalize the problem, and shift these characteristics to someone other than themselves.

SPEAK TRUTH, OR DON’T SPEAK AT ALL

One thing that I’ve always despised in life, was for people to be untruthful about the way that a situation happened, or someone claiming false characteristics about another person. Not many things bother me, but when I find out the truth is not told, or made to seem different than what has truly HAPPENED, this can bother me for YEARS. I just always felt that deep in my heart, this was one of the few things that can truly vex me, for a long period of time. This is why I spend so much time defnding my truth. I’m so big on the truth, and half the time I just wish the full story was told, when others decide to tell one-sided falsities. You can tell me how someone responded, but I’m going to want to know what caused the reaction. Because it does matter. All sides of the story matter. I felt that certain people were threatened by my ability to just be who I was, alone and unaccepted at times, without many people knowing me personally. When people don't genuinely know you, they will rush to make up things, or believe anything told about you. Even people you know will change stories to create another picture in someone eles’s head. It's almost like it gives them a sense of self-worth and acceptance, that they attempted to deny from you. The only problem is, I gave that freedom to myself, long ago. I’ve accepted myself.

Some of the projections I've heard about myself:

“You’re a goald digger, interested in money.”

This was one of the more hilarious ones to me, as I don’t know why I would be working so hard to build my own career, if I were ever planning to be dependant solely on a man for money. To be honest, I plan on being the bread-winner of my future family. Plus I'm pretty comfortable financially, and my family has money. My ex in college started this narrative about me, even though he constantly tried to bribe me with material things once I ended it with him, things that I would always reject. From the outside looking in, when people can’t quite tell where a woman gets her money, they will always assume it’s coming from a man, and this always baffled me about society. I’ve been in relationships where I was wined and dined, and taken out, treated special, given surprises and flowers, the usual. But it was never in a self-serving or monetary-seeking, type of way, more-so mutual. I also gave back and did my part in these relationships too, even if I didn’t spend AS MUCH money in return. I really don’t know what it is about my appearance that gets this misconstrued, I don’t even walk around in designer! I’ve been approached by a few potential sugar daddies, and this has never been appealing. People that accuse you of this are more likely to be charmed or impressed by money, they want to be money-seeker that they think you are.

“She thinks she’s too good.”

Ironically, I kept getting this from people, during one of the hardest times of my life. I was in college, and I would go to certain classes and be very to myself. Some even saw it to be “standoffish”, but in reality, they had no idea what I was going through. It will honestly shock you how offended others are when you simply are staying to yourself. I was in the midst of trying to get rid of a very toxic and harassing ex in my life, where at the peak of his harassment, I ended up having to get a restraining order (another story for another time). However, it really does shows you how others base things off of their own perception, and not facts. These were projections because these were some of the same people in many cases, that were the ones creating these “groups”, and hierarchies, that they made clear not everyone could be apart of. I’m not sure if I was supposed to kiss as or what, but that’s never been me. So many of these poeple were constantly rejecting those around them, this is why they took my solitude as rejection. They were projecting their feelings of being “too good”, onto me. Either that, or THEY thought I was ‘better’ in some way, if the makes any sense.

“Oh, your looks aren't going to get you far. Gotta have substance.”

This is my favorite, because it actually gave me confidence that I initially didn’t have. I’ve never really thought of myself as being “pretty”, even when I hear this from others it can be shocking, I don't know why. Not to say that I’m unhappy with how I look, because I am, but we’ve all gone through the process of accepting our flaws, and getting to that point. I’ve just honestly never considered my “looks”, to even be top 5 things about me. If anything, people will find you to be “attractive”, and care less about your story, or what you internally have to offer. So to hear this back-handed compliment from others, actually gave me comfort. Some people try so hard to “look beneath the surface”, that they don’t realize, judging a person based on nothing but external looks is shallow in itself, period. People are so ironic in this way. What was more apparent to me, was that these people usually just didn’t find themselves to be attractive, whatever that may be to them (beauty is in the eye of the beholder.) But it was clearer to me than ever, that these people did not find external beauty within themselves. And not to be cocky, but these people usually were the ones to lack the “substance”. Also, many seem to think that just because they spend less time on their outer appearance, that they have more smarts, this is not the case. THIS is shallow. This is projecting.

“Nobody likes you.”

I’ve had a few people that seemingly disliked me for no apparent reason, sometimes for no reason other than what they “heard”, or thought they “knew” about me. I think when others see you getting love from particular people, even when you don’t put forth much effort to get that love, they feel a need to wonder why you’re getting it. They will try anything they can to make you feel that others don’t like you, when in reality this is far from the case. And that’s why they have the need to make you feel otherwise. Something has made them feel the need to be accepted and like by everyone, so if they try to scare you with that same fear, maybe you will fear right along with them right? Wrong. I’ve dealt with negativity in life, but I received way more love.

“She's crazy”.

We live in world where it’s so easy to make a woman seem “crazy”. It is a narrative that has been pushed for far too long. To be honest I never felt like the craziest one in my relationships, it was always the man. I’m talking about the stereotypical things “psycho” women do in movies, that was my exes. And most times, when I have been accused of being crazy by men, its usually when I’ve caught on to lies, or cheating, go figure. I think I’m crazy in the way that I think differently, and the way I expose my truths with no shame, in the eyes of others. But other than that I actually find myself to be a lot saner than most. I’ve had outbursts and reacted hastily to certain situations, but this is far and few, and I’m usually reacting, not starting. I recently, (months ago now) got cheated on by one of the most controling and inseure men I’ve ever dealt with. He was always accusing me of wanting others guys, never wanted me to go out, blew up my phone constantly, and in realty, it was because was guilty of his own unfaithful ways-- projection. This person tried to come back into my life, until I started to confront him with the things I knew, and the lies I uncovered. All of a sudden, I was the “crazy” one. He was one of the craziest people I’ve ever been with, during our relaionship, so I could not belive he tried to change the narrative. But I’ve learned some men have to do this, when they know they ruined a good thing, to feel like they have some power in how the situation has ended. He knew it was over, and did express regret until he decided to project. Even went as far to lie to himself and say we weren’t together at the time. It’s crazy what people will do to justify their actions. In my world, cheating is unforgivable.

TO BE CONTINUED... (PART 2)

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