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seanfalco · 2 years

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Don’t Recommend It

an oc x oc collaboration between @seanfalco & @super-unpredictable98

Word Count: 3.9k Tags/Warnings: suggestive themes, possession, probably really inaccurate depiction of exorcisms, another cameo from Father Kay, and also a tiny one from Fleabag ;p a/n: A little late, for @sheehalloween‘s Day Eight: Possession.

[ masterlist ]

"Took you long enough, where were you two?" Nate whined as his wives finally arrived. "Church again?"

"We were just there for the service, next time you should come with us," Lydia suggested, rushing to kiss his forehead.

"No thanks, unlike you I don't have the hots for the priest..."

“What? You’re crazy,” Win huffed, turning her nose up at him as she passed and Nats snorted.

“Oh yeah, cause you two are suddenly so religious.”

"We're not, I mean... My mom is Catholic and dad is Jewish so I was raised religious, but I'm more of a spiritual person. Father Kay's sermons are actually like therapy sessions, they're just very uplifting," Lydia said sitting on Nats' lap, giving him a kiss as well.

"Can you imagine that, man? Turned on by a priest? I run from them..." Nate laughed.

Win rolled her eyes as she passed them, heading to the bedroom to change. “Oh Winnie, c’mon!” Nats called after her, wrapping his arms around Lydia’s waist.

"Well, maybe you'd like to put on the outfit and sin with me..." Lydia teased.

"Sorry, love, don't think I can do that one," Nate grimaced following Win to the bedroom. "You okay, baby?"

“Hmm? Oh yeah, I’m fine,” Win answered distractedly, digging through her dresser for something comfortable to wear.

"Okay... just passed by without any kisses or hugs. You've been out all day, we missed you two," Nate pouted.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I missed you as well," Win said, finally turning to press a chaste kiss to Nate's cheek after she finished dressing.

"Lyds," Nate called, rushing to the kitchen where she was making dinner. "What happened t'Winnie? I asked for a kiss and she pecked my cheek!” he cried incredulously. “Did I upset her?"

"How am I supposed to know? She didn't say anything… I don't think you did," Lydia shrugged. "We're pretty used to your stupid jealousy."

"She wasn't like that last night!" Nats exclaimed, sneaking a glance at her in the living room, flipping through a book on the couch. "Somethin' musta happened to her at-at church!" he insisted in a hushed voice.

"Nothing happened to her at church! We just watched the sermon and left. Let me talk to her.” Lydia closed the oven to let her chicken pie bake.

"Winnie baby," Lydia stood by the door before joining her to steal a kiss. "The boys think you're weird, they think something happened at church..."

"What d'you mean? Weird, how?" Win asked, marking her place with a finger as she shut the pages to look up at Lydia, tilting her head in confusion.

"Nate said you're a little cold, did he say something stupid?" Lydia asked, pulling her wife into her lap, giving the other woman's thigh a squeeze.

"No, not that I can think of," Win frowned, thinking. "It's just been a long day," she added.

"See! She's bein' strange! She's usually more affectionate than that," Nats muttered incredulously, watching the girls.

"Yeah! A kiss on the cheek? What the fuck?" Nate agreed. "And that book is one of Lyddie's crazy ones, she doesn't even like it."

"Would it make it better if I... eat you out?" Lydia whispered in her ear. "Maybe I can get the strap-on?"

"Oh... nah, I'm alright. I'm not really in th'mood right now, honey," Win murmured, patting Lydia's cheek gently.

"Win is being weeeeeird!" Lydia cried, heading back to the kitchen. She really thought she'd be able to crack the code like she always did and help fix things. "She doesn't want oral sex, when did you ever hear her refuse oral sex?"

"Told you! Maybe she's mad at all of us!" Nate cried.

"Is dinner almost ready?" Win called from the couch. "I wanna get t'bed early tonight t'get a headstart on th'day tomorrow."

"Whatttt?!" Nats hissed, gesturing wildly toward the living room.

"Win, come on, spit it out! Why are you mad at us?" Lydia frowned, deeply worried for her wife.

"We're sorry! Are y’sick maybe? You not feelin' well?" Nate asked, hoping maybe they could help her.

"I'm not mad," Win said, looking at them strangely. "I'm feeling fine. Why are you guys acting so weird?" she asked.

"Because you're a horny sex goddess who loves to tease and kiss and stay up late watching movies. We wake up at noon and fuck all over the house all the time." Lydia marched towards her to check for a fever. "You're also way more loving and way sweeter!"

Win frowned as Lydia's hand pressed to her forehead. "M-maybe I... I do kinda feel a little weird," she admitted reluctantly, her voice small. "Maybe I need t'lay down."

"Weird how? Should we call th'doctor?" Nats cried, anxiously following Lydia out to the living room as well.

"You don't have a fever, take my power, you can heal whatever it is that's bothering you..." Lydia leaned in, pressing her lips to Win's.

"I'm sayin', church isn't good! See that? She goes to church and comes back all messed up, this is bollocks!" Nate muttered, his heart sinking at the thought.

"D'you feel any different?" Nats asked hopefully as Lydia pulled back, Win blinking blankly.

"I don't think so?"

"Okay... I'm just gonna serve you dinner, let's eat and hopefully you'll feel better after," Lydia suggested.

Dinner came and went and still no change. By the time it was time for bed Nats was seriously beginning to worry, but maybe the next morning she'd be back to her usual self.

However, the next morning, Win woke early like she'd said she wanted to, getting dressed and heading out to the kitchen to get breakfast started.

"Winnie? What's up with you?" Lydia rubbed her eyes with a yawn, dragging herself out of bed to see if everything was okay. She sat by the counter, nearly falling asleep on the surface.

"Just making breakfast for you. I also got so much cleaning done already," she chirped, stepping away from the counter to pour Lydia a cup of tea. She was dressed in a sensible knee length skirt and cardigan.

"Oh no... fuck no!" Lydia finally opened her eyes wide and took in the sight of her wife. She somehow looked familiar, a horrid vision from almost fifteen years ago. "Where the fuck did you get this cardigan? You don't wear cardigans!"

"I found it buried in the back of your side of the closet," Win said, spinning around. "Don't I look nice?" The timer on the stove dinged and she gave a little jump. "Oh! Those are th'muffins I made t'take to the Community Centre t'pass out for th'needy," she exclaimed, grabbing the hot pads to pull the pan from the oven.

"Well, that's from when I would roleplay with Nathan. I only ever wore it when we had sex and he held a fake gun to my head," Lydia explained, trying to prove her theory and make sure she wasn't going crazy. "But you do look nice... would you wanna fuck me right now? I wanna scissor you raw, baby."

“Lydia, that’s so crude!” Win gasped, directing a disappointed frown at her.

"You're my wife! Or are you…? Can you chug a beer for me to watch? Can you eat all messy and I lick it off you?" Lydia slowly stepped closer to her and took Win's face in both hands. "I know you're in there."

“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, but really Lydia, you could be so much better.” As soon as the words left Win’s mouth, a dark smirk crossed her features.

"You bitch! I knew you were in there! Give me my wife back!" Lydia yelled, shaking her desperately. Why the fuck were they attracting all these vengeful spirits? "I wanna have hours of lesbian sex with her, so fuck off back to hell, Rachel!"

"Why all the yellin'? What's goin' on?" Nate left the room still half asleep, wearing nothing but his underwear and running his fingers through his unruly curls.

“Why are y’shakin’ Winnie?” Nats asked, alarm chasing the remaining vestiges of sleep from him. “What’s wrong?!”

"That isn't Winnie! It's Rachel from the Virtue cult! Watch this..." Lydia hissed, pulling her closer for a passionate kiss.

The possessed Win pushed Lydia away, a disgusted sound leaving her throat. “Stop that!” she spat, backing away as soon as she was free and smoothing her skirt.

"Yeah, that's definitely not Winnie," Nate shared a look with his brother. "Think she's mad cause we killed 'er?"

"That doesn't matter! She needs to go back, I wanna snog my wife!" Lydia huffed.

“Of course I’m mad, you halfwits!” Rachel cried through Win’s voice. “You killed me! I was making the world a better place!” she screamed, stamping her—Win’s foot.

"You were not! Young people are not meant to be like this, you were lucky you died before I found out Nathan was immortal, because I would've ended you!" Lydia growled.

"T'be fair I didn't wanna kill ya. I just wanted t'make you lift the curse," Nate explained. "No hard feelin's..."

Rachel growled at him, trying to get past Lydia to wrap her hands around his neck. “Winnie—Rachel!” Nats cried, trying to pull her off his twin. “Did y’not just hear her say we’re immortal?”

"Do you have any idea what you made me go through? You frigid asshole!" Lydia pulled her away, easily lifting her. "Would it make you feel better if we went to the church to... ask for forgiveness?"

"Yeah! Yeah! Church!" Nate gasped for air, crawling away from the girls.

“As much as I hate t’say it, that priest helped us get rid of Sally, maybe he can exorcize Win,” Nats suggested, chewing his chapped bottom lip, hating to see her like that.

"Handsome bastard..." Nate agreed.

"If I let you go, will you come to church with us? I've been going almost every week, I'm sure you'll love it," Lydia said.

“Alright fine! If he brings our wife back, then I’ll go t’fuckin’ church with yeh,” Nats cried.

“See, look at what a positive influence I’ve had over you already,” Rachel scoffed as she struggled in Lydia’s grasp.

Lydia kept watch of Rachel in her Win-shaped cage while the boys changed and left them in charge while she put on a nice dress and some makeup on. "D'you have t'do this?" Nate asked as Lyddie finally left the room, all dressed up.

"I'm not letting father Kay see me all disheveled again!"

“You’re such a slag. Even married, you’re trying to attract another man, not to mention a priest!” Rachel spat, which was even more disconcerting coming from Win’s mouth.

"You're not allowed to say slag, you little prudish cunt," Lydia snapped back, taking her arm as they headed outside. "I'm married and I'd never cheat, but being attracted to someone isn't a crime. The priest is hot! Just don't tell him I said that, he wouldn't believe you anyway."

Rachel let out a huff and clamped her mouth shut as the three dragged her along to the church.

“Ah, Lydia and company, to what do I owe th’pleasure today?” Kay asked, looking up from the parish reports on his desk as the four of them entered.

"We're sorry to bother, Father, but... it seems Win is–um–possessed, by another vengeful spirit from our past. She's totally insane, she's saying our husbands killed her, can you believe that?" Lydia chuckled nervously, gesturing to her wife.

"Right? We'd never... we're basically angels," Nate muttered.

Kay blinked at them for a moment. If it had been anyone else, he’d have thought they were making it up, but after witnessing the very real spiritual manifestation in their home not long ago, he wasn’t entirely surprised.

“How do you know she’s possessed?” he asked, eyeing Win. She was certainly dressed differently. Even for mass, she never dressed like that.

"She's been less affectionate, acting weird, dressing weird, not engaging in... marital relations with any of us," Lydia whispered. "Which is really uncommon for her."

"Besides she told us," Nate added. "She admitted t'bein' Rachel."

“No, I didn’t!” Win exclaimed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” She directed Kay an entreating look. “Father, it’s just that your sermons have moved me, and I want to be better! To act in accordance to His ways,” she said, smiling at him.

“What? That’s bullshit!” Nats cried, before realizing what he’d said. “I mean—that’s bull… crap.”

"She would never! I was surprised she came to the church at all!" Nate grimaced.

"She won't even kiss me, she thinks it's gross because she's a straight woman trapped in my wife's body! The boys saw her pulling away earlier," Lydia argued. "You know Win, Father, you know how madly in love we are..."

Kay nodded. Though he didn’t know her as well as her partners did, he had to agree that something felt off. Pushing his chair back, he rose and walked across the room to don his vestments and grab his bible. “I’ll need you two to hold her down in that chair,” he instructed and Nats shared a nervous look with Nate. Suddenly things were feeling all too serious.

"Is this gonna be like those horror films? Like, is she gonna become all scary and puke all over the place?" Nate asked, not wanting to admit how nervous he was. He was never a fan of watching those films, let alone living them.

"Rachel, for all that it's worth, we're sorry for what we did to you," Lydia said as she and the boys sat her down while she struggled. "We never wanted any of that to happen, that wasn't the plan. We just wanted our friends back."

"No, this shouldn't be too hard, seeing as she's not possessed by a demon or unholy spirit or anything of that nature," Kay murmured, opening his bible to read a passage while Rachel tried to reason with him.

"I could help so many people like this, Father! Wouldn't that make you happy?"

Once Kay finished, he made the sign of the cross over Win and touched her forehead. "Rachel, let go of your hatred and leave this vessel."

"No! No, I want to ruin their lives like they ruined mine!"

Kay ignored her and looked to each of Win's lovers. "I need you to talk to Win for me. Call out to her and help her find her way back to us while I weaken Rachel's spirit and make it easier for Win to return."

"Winnie, we really miss you!" Nate kissed the back of her hand, hoping she could feel it somehow. "We love you so much, you and Lyds are the best things that ever happened t'me."

"It's true, you're also my best friend," Lydia hugged her from behind as she still struggled, it was very hard to see someone she loved so much being held like this. "You're the person I wanna talk to when I have a nightmare or when I'm PMSing and can't stand anyone else. Please come back to us."

"Yeah, c'mon Winnie. We'd be totally lost without you," Nats cried, squeezing her hand. "We love yeh more than anything!"

Rachel struggled, but her thrashing was growing weaker. Somewhere deep inside Win could hear her partners calling out to her, and she fought against the entity that was trying to keep her from them.

"Rachel, leave this body! In the name of the Lord, leave this body and head to the light!" Suddenly Win's body slumped forward.

"Wow, you're good..." Lydia stared at Kay for a few moments, why did he have to look so hot performing exorcisms and such? That definitely earned him another homemade meal.

"Winnie? You there baby?"

"You okay? Is she gone?" Nate held her head up, pressing his forehead to hers. "Please, sweetheart, wake up."

"Win, say somethin'!" Nats exclaimed, stroking her cheek while still holding her hand tightly.

A faint moan escaped her lips and her eyelids fluttered as she attempted to focus on their voices.

"L-lyddie? Nathan?"

"Yesssss!" Nate cheered. As much as he hated to admit, he was more than a little grateful to that priest. Even if the girls only attended mass to stare at him.

"Does the idea of kissing me sound repulsive to you?" Lydia giggled, running her fingers through Winnie's hair.

“Not at all!” Win exclaimed, throwing her arms around Lydia’s neck to kiss her, their mouths colliding in her haste.

"In front of a priest?" Lydia laughed, despite being very relieved to have Winnie back. "I'm desperate to get you out of those clothes... and put on new ones, your own," she quickly added.

"There she is, can't believe I slept next t'Rachel, that's right nasty," Nate half-joked, joining the hug, kissing the top of her head.

Win laughed, reaching for both her husbands. “No kidding, I feel all outta sorts,” she exclaimed. “I need t’make up for lost time!”

"Thank you so much," Lydia enthusiastically shook Kay's hand to stop from hugging him. "You saved us again, I'll never be able to thank you enough."

"I need all th’kisses," Nate whispered. "Missed you so much, sweetheart... is it weird this outfit is turnin' me on a bit?"

“A little,” Win laughed, stealing a kiss from him and then Nats. “Thank you Father, I really don’t know how t’thank you!” she cried, not wanting to think about being a captive in her own body, forced to watch as Rachel ruined her life.

"Yeah... thank you," Nate nodded, nudging his twin's arm. "You can expect a very nice lunch this time, Father," Lydia laughed, locking arms with her wife.

“Really, that’s not needed,” Kay assured, lifting the stole from his neck to fold and put away. “I’m just glad to help. But really, please be more careful around spirits from here on out.”

“I’m still not entirely sure how Rachel possessed me,” Win murmured as they made their way home.

"I know, but it's my pleasure really, it'll make me happy to do it," Lydia nodded. "She's the last one that hates us I think... we're not that problematic."

"Yeah yeah, the other people who hate us are alive I'm afraid," Nate chuckled.

——

The next day after a thorough welcome back the night before, Win joined Lydia in the kitchen to help make their thank you lunch for Father Kay. “I’m so glad t’be back,” Win sighed, pressing her face between Lydia’s shoulder blades.

"I'm glad you're back, she kept running from me. She even refused oral sex," Lydia teased, carefully slicing the brisket she prepared to go with the potatoes and risotto. "I can't believe I didn't notice anything on our way back home."

“I think she was trying to be sly, hoping you wouldn’t notice. But you know me too well, you all do,” Win murmured, her mouth watering at the smell of the food.

"Of course, I know my honeypie," Lydia held the fork up so she could take a bite. "Try it, do you think he'll like it? You should've seen him doing the thing, it was so hot."

Win threw her head back and moaned at the taste. “This is perfect. If he doesn’t like it, he’s an idiot.”

She helped her pack up the food and slipped her jacket on to go deliver it. “Hey boys, we’ll be back in a bit!” she called.

"Okay, careful not t'get possessed again..." Nate teased, blowing them a kiss.

"You know, dad’s been insisting I visit the synagogue sometime, would you come with? Maybe there's some hot Jewish Nathan somewhere," Lydia grinned as they made their way to the church.

“Yeah sure, I’d like to see a Jewish service,” Win answered, her arm entwined with Lyddie’s. “In fact, I didn’t even know you were Jewish,” she exclaimed.

"Technically, if we're talking rules, I'm not, fully. Apparently it's something that comes from your mum and not your dad, but these days people don't believe that anymore," Lydia shrugged. "So I guess I'm half."

"Oh, I can't believe there was something about you that I didn't know though," Win exclaimed dramatically as they neared the church.

"Isn't it romantic we're still learning little facts about each other? It's cute," Lydia leaned against her, making their way to the back to find Kay.

When they got to Kay's office, his door was open and he greeted them with a warm grin.

“Hey there you two. What brings you t’see me today?” “We brought you lunch!” Win exclaimed, holding up her package of tupperware.

"We wanted to say thank you again for helping us, We promise not to mess with any other spirits," Lydia placed the other container with brownies she had baked the night before. "We hope you like it."

"You really didn't need t'do all this, but thank you," Kay exclaimed. "I gotta say though, you have perfect timing, I haven't had dinner yet," he said, reaching for the containers.

"Perfect," Win replied. "Lyddie did most of the cooking, but I helped. Hope you enjoy."

Lydia carefully waited until he tried to tear her gaze from him, sharing a mischievous look with Win. "Guess we'll see you next week, Father," she said, trying to stop herself from grinning too wide.

"Wanna get a coffee before we head back home?" Win asked as they stepped back out of the church.

"Yeah, an iced coffee cause I'm definitely feeling a little warm," Lydia winked, looking around for a spot where they could stop and grab a drink.

"You're shameless," Win giggled, noticing a small cafe up ahead that they'd never been to before. "How about there?" she asked, nodding her head that way.

"Chatty Wednesday... sounds fun," Lydia nodded, seeing the small sign on a chalkboard. It was pretty busy for that time of the day, so it must be good.

"Hullo," a woman about their age with bright red lips and short dark hair greeted. "Can I getcha anything?"

"Wow..." Lyddie looked around at the endless guinea pig photos and paintings. "Yeah, um, I'll have an iced latte please."

"I'll have a cuppa," Win answered, noticing the guinea pig in a cage on the counter. "Cute place, you must really like guinea pigs."

"One of my many passions," the woman chuckled, turning to prepare their drinks.

"It's really cute, I love the theme. And your friend over there is adorable," Lydia cooed.

"What? Oh," she looked over her shoulder, first at the photo of her and a blonde girl next to the register, but once she noticed Lyddie looking at the cage, she relaxed. "Yeah, people seem to like Hilary more than the coffee sometimes... not that the coffee is bad, it's good!"

"So what's chatty Wednesdays?" Win wondered as the woman made their drinks.

"It's this sort of weekly event, you come here and you chat to someone you've never met before," the woman explained, placing their mugs on the counter. "For example... any special plans today?"

"Not really, we just stopped by on our way back from the church," Lydia took a sip as she sat down. "We were bringing some lunch to a hot priest."

"A hot priest?" the woman’s eyes grew. "Does he happen t’be Irish?"

"Yeah actually..." Lydia answered, frowning thoughtfully.

"Brown eyes?"

"Green."

"Ah."

Win shared a look with Lydia, trying not to grin. “Guess there’s more than one hot priest around.”

"Hot priests are Ireland's main export," the lady behind the counter joked. "So you two religious?"

"Nah, just bringing a little something for him to say thank you for exorcizing my wife," Lydia explained.

"Interesting! Not being in control of my body... sounds like a dream."

“Trust me, I don’t recommend it,” Win replied. “Especially when th’spirit’s a terrible prude.”

#misfits #nathan young #nathan young x oc #nathan x lyddie #nathan x win #otp: the quad #otp: green apple lollipop #timeline anomaly’verse #sheehalloween 2022

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