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grannygerd · 4 years

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I’m Lynn from PVRIS! AMA

I’m Lynn from PVRIS. We just put out our new album Use Me which you can listen to HERE. This Saturday, we’re going to be playing our first album White Noise front to back in its entirety for the first time ever. You can get tickets for the live stream HERE.

Proof: https://imgur.com/9K4IgJf

DieDunkleFritte: Hey Lynn, would you rather have really small hands or really small feet? Best regards from germany :D pvrisofficial: Feet!!! Need normal sized hands to play instruments! haha

Nikkiestables: Lynn!!! I was in the US for my exchange and was going to FINALLY see you in person but I couldn’t:( do you think in the future you would tour Asia? Which parts would you like to explore? (Please say Hong Kong) pvrisofficial: We'd love to tour Asia more! We've loved the places we've been in Japan, Singapore, & South Korea so far! Would love to add Hong Kong!

ShadeOfNothing: Hey Lynn! I’ve been a PVRIS fan Since White Noise and I’ve loved seeing the band’s sound evolve through the years. I know you’re a huge believer in astrology, past lives, and the paranormal, so I was wondering if there were any crazy experiences you had witnessed or drew inspiration from while writing/producing Use Me. Thanks so much! pvrisofficial: yessssssss I am a nut. I didnt make Use Me in a haunted church this time but i DO think I stayed at a haunted airbnb. Food kept disappearing and then one night a giant ghostly handprint was left on my guitar case and my hand was way too small to have created it.

hinterscape: Hi Lynn! I've been following you guys since ~2014, you're awesome and I look up to you. Do you see yourself making music forever or how long do you see it if not? pvrisofficial: FOR-E-VER! It might take different forms and go through different stages but i think i will always be creating music!

imaliveunfortunately: Hi Lynn! First of all I love you and the style of music you've put out recently. I saw you at Reading last year, and in Manchester in 2017 so I'm really happy to seeing PVRIS get the exposure it deserves :) So it's gotta be asked, I understand there's issues with the label, but what are the chances of Mvdonna and Blood On My Hands being released? Whether it be as singles, on a new EP, the next album, etc? They're just damn good tracks pvrisofficial: I want them to come out SO BAD too haha. I want to make sure the production is perfect so its now a matter of finding the right collaborator for them.

CookThePasta: Do you believe in life after love? pvrisofficial: yes

OldManMalekith: Hi Lynn! How did working with JT on Use Me differ from your previous experiences with producers? Everyone that I've seen or heard work with him puts it as a really positive experience, and he helps make great stuff! pvrisofficial: He is the BEST. He was very similar to Blake in the sense that he was incredibly nurturing and encouraging, dedicated to making sure it was 100% everything I wanted and always stood up for me if the label ever tried to change it. His production style is definitely different but its extremely diverse. It's a lot punchier and crisper and a bit more minimal than in the past but i think it almost makes things more impactful that way!

villanelleinsuits: Hi Lynn! You’re a creative genius, thanks for existing. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be and why?? pvrisofficial: I would love to live in the UK countryside!!! Maybe Bath or something.

Queenio01: How are you feeling today? pvrisofficial: Sleepy but EXCITED to rehearse!

dancorcoran: How often do you get recognised by fans in day to day life? pvrisofficial: Not too often! I usually get recognized at coffee shops and starbucks though? and Lush hahaha

jessica_pasta: Hi Lynn!!! Was wondering how do you make your synth patches? What synth sounds are your favorites? Thanks so much! Love PVRIS and all that you do ❤️❤️❤️❤️ pvrisofficial: I use Zebra a lot and also use a Prophet Rev2. One of my favorite things is to throw synths through different effects to get an entirely new sound!

ImadaPC: Hi Lynn, I got a question. What inspires you to make music and why? pvrisofficial: What inspires me is wanting to hear something I havent heard! I want to hear all my favorite artists and influences into one thing so that's usually how PVRIS stuff is inspired haha.

staceelogreen: What are your stand out albums of this year!:) pvrisofficial: Great Q! 070 Shake - Modus Vivendi Tinashe - Songs For You (technically 2019 but I've been jamming it all year) They. - The Amanda Tape KAYTRANADA - Bubba (2019 but it came out late 2019 so it counts as 2020 for me!) Howling - Colure

DH00338: What are you most excited about in terms of this new era of PVRIS? pvrisofficial: More writing!! and more collaborations!

creewitch: Hiya Lynn! I hope your morning is going well. When have you felt the proudest of yourself and why? ☺️ pvrisofficial: Oooo good Q! I always think there's room for improvement so it's hard to feel pride, but I am definitely grateful for my resilience through the crazy shit haha.

liky_gecko: Because you’re from the Boston area, what are your favorite spots to eat/hang out there? I may be going to school there pvrisofficial: Do itttt! My fav spots are a little outside of the city.... the Crane Estate, Mt. Auburn Cemetery in Cambridge, Maudslay State Park in Newburyport, Portsmouth NH, Shedd Park Cemetery in Lowell.

goszkv: Hi Lynn! Was wondering if you'll ever consider coming to Poland :( ofc post corona pvrisofficial: yes!

cecy_db_11: Hi Lynn! Can't wait to see you guys this Saturday. How do you feel once the songs you write (your personal feelings and thoughts) are available for the world to listen? Do you get used to that over time? pvrisofficial: Still getting used to that to be honest. Once songs are out, I weirdly stop listening to them. Prior to that I listen in the car a lot and drive around testing songs out haha.

musicfan1976: Do you think the spring 2020 shows will still happen or be rescheduled again due to Covid? Stay healthy and take care. pvrisofficial: I truly have no idea.... :( you take care too! <3

yikesmiles: Hey Lynn! I hope you’re well! I’ve always been curious, what was it that inspired you to make music? pvrisofficial: Good Q! WHen I write, I try to write music that I want to hear that hasn't crossed my path yet.

LeahLNurse: Is there any unreleased songs you wish made it onto White Noise? pvrisofficial: Nope!

JRuiz1775: Hey Lynn! I remember the first time I saw and heard you guys was when you opened for Pierce the Veil and Sleeping with Sirens. I was hooked and have tried to see you guys anytime you are in my area. My question for you is what is your favourite tour experience? What is your dream tour to be on? pvrisofficial: There's SO many favorite tour experiences. I love touring the UK and Europe a lot, exploring before shows is my favorite thing and has some of my favorite memories. Our UK/EU tour with BMTH was one of my favorites.

ac-36: hi lynn! i love your music so much, it means a lot to me. if you were to remake your past music now, how do you think it would be different, and what do you think the future direction of the band will be? pvrisofficial: I would definitely approach the drum production a bit different but keep it pretty similar with the other textures/instruments! Future direction can go anywhere! Definitely want to keep taking risks and trying new things, but still keeping it dark!

staceelogreen: If you could go back in time to give yourself advice, what would you say to your past self? pvrisofficial: Take it easy on yourself.

NouveauJacques: Hi Lynn, huge fan and I love the power behind your music. Do you ever write songs that are too emotional and feel conflicted about putting into an album? pvrisofficial: usually if they feel too emotional or heavy, I know they need to be released haha

Defiant-Strawberry37: Hi Lynn, hope everything's okay with you and the band. I'd like to ask you what PVRIS' era you think is the best and why? Hope I can see you guys someday soon acting in Portugal. Love you all! PS: why so Lynnda? *portuguese pun intended, beautiful = linda in portuguese* ly! pvrisofficial: Thanks! I love every era tbh but I'm definitely always the most excited on the present moment!

pvrisbae: youre the cutest little soul ily. whats ur fav song at the moment? pvrisofficial: Brian showed it to me! It's "Too Late" by Washed Out.

agnespvris: Hi Lynn!! Have you had any good laughter when you've been looking through the #pvrismemes ?? pvrisofficial: oh you betcha.

whothefuckisrvmi: ok so im not understanding shit about this app but im here for you pvrisofficial: thank u

vioIentbounce: hi lynn! what do you think will be your favorite song from use me to play live? pvrisofficial: I think.... Good To Be Alive or Gimme A Min

jaydenc30: hi lynn I just wanted to say how much I appreciate you and everything you do! I hope you are doing well, what was the first song you wrote for use me? What’s does PVRIS’s future look like to you? pvrisofficial: First song for Use Me was Old Wounds! I wrote it before the second album even came out haha

IrlandaBDelao: Hi lynn, would you be down to open commisions for tattoos? If so, how much would you charge for a drawing? pvrisofficial: I wish! I do not have time to at the moment :( but if I have time in the future, you will be first to know so you can get first dibs!

CookThePasta: are you really looking at all of our memes?? pvrisofficial: trying OUR BEST!!

nonoplznowhy: why did your parents name you Lynn? pvrisofficial: Lyndsey* but they always call me Lynn or Lynds. I was named after my mom's childhood bestfriend named Lynn, she passed away when my mom was pretty young :(

golrip: What is your favourite song on awknohawnoh and why? That album literally changed my life and shaped me into the person I am today so I would really love knowing your opinion. also: what's your favourite the weeknd song/album? pvrisofficial: NOLA 1! It was my favorite to write and the memory around that time is magical. We wrote it in New Orleans and it's my favorite city.

bnizz95: Hey Lynn!! I saw you guys perform for the first time live in Cambridge last September and im so excited about the stream. I was wondering what your favorite song/songs off this album are? Also, do you still steal rosemary from your neighbors? Hahaha pvrisofficial: hahaha I have a little rosemary plant that I use now :)

vioIentbounce: are you still making collages? if not, have you taken up any new artistic hobbies lately?❤️ pvrisofficial: Little collaging here and there :) I've been researching a lot of interior design and fashion design lately!

fee-lixdawkins: Hey Lynn! Excited for the livestream! I know you’re an AFI fan. What is your favorite album and song(s) by them? Would you ever want to tour with them? I’d kill to see that happen! Take care! pvrisofficial: Brian is the bigger AFI fan! I cant pick a fave Im scared

ivykrvft: How does it feel to (kinda) be performing again as an entire band after all these months? pvrisofficial: Really good!! Definitely going to be weird without you guys in front of us!!

Ariana_0918: hi lynn <3 i wanted to know when you saw florence in concert what was your favorite song she performed live? pvrisofficial: Cosmic Love. She played it first and it was acoustic, I instantly cried hahahaha

TheSinger_Z: Hey Lynn! How old were you when you first started writing songs? What is the most memorable prank/joke that you have pulled or has been pulled on you while on tour? How many instruments do you play and what’s your favourite? I just want to say thank you, you’re my biggest inspiration when it comes to music (I sing and I’m learning to play guitar and hope to do it professionally when I’m older as I’m only 14 😬), and I’m really thankful for you guys. I got meet and greet tickets for November 30th for the White Noise stream, so see you then! pvrisofficial: i was in the 3rd grade. the songs were horrible. Its not really a prank but we love having our in ear monitor tech do the worm on stage sometimes. Extra points when he does it in costume. I can play 7 instruments! Looking to add more to the arsenal over time. I love piano a lot and drums. Keep it up, can't wait to see you be a star!!! ALso the livestream is the 21st! DOnt want you to miss it :)

CheezeGrenade: I missed out on a lot of concerts growing up and I couldn't make it to a concert out of state that I bought tickets to about a year ago. Will you guys play through Awkohawnoh again in anyway? Such as Half/Winter/No Mercy/Walk Alone. Litterally that album and the one before got me through alot of depressive phases in my life and Awk has really inspired alot of my writing for a series I want to create someday. pvrisofficial: I cant wait for you to start writing it! You got this! We will be playing through AWKOHAWNOH but the date is not announced yet :)

srankie: Are y'all Pats fans? Red Sox? Bruins? Cause if not the Eagles family will accept you with open arms pvrisofficial: NEW ENGLAND/BOSTON ALL DAY BABY!

macauley7: Could u please ask harry styles if u could tour with him? I need a pvris x harry watermelon sugar vibes thanks pvrisofficial: I'll call him right now.

brisbubbles: Hey, Lynn! Can’t wait for Saturday! I was wondering, how do you feel about singing old tracks from WN since you relearned how to sing? What has that experience been like? Wishing you and Brian the best! xzlinx: I am wondering about this as well. Maybe I am just nosey but I wonder about the process of retraining your voice and what exactlt happened. It must have been insanely difficult on her mental health but goddamn what a trooper bc Use Me is unbelievable! pvrisofficial: Great questions!!! Singing WN is definitely a little challenging to begin with because I'm older and my tone isn't the tone of 19 year old me anymore haha. A big thing was anxiety which caused me to choke up a lot and tense my chords. Then when i was being coached, out of fear of damaging something we had to rebuild and start small and light which we think caused the chords/muscles to atrophy, which set it back further haha. I eventually went to another coach who then was able to take my "retrained" voice and then strengthen it up and rebuild it back to where it was before!

ImOnlyHalfAlive: Hey Lynn! First, I can't express just how much PVRIS has meant to me over the last couple of years. Your music has helped me through so much, and I will forever be grateful. My question is: What's a life mantra you've always lived by? pvrisofficial: Life mantra (theres a lot but this one I always connect to when it comes to career): Patience and persistence is key.

Okosano: Hi Lynn and greeting from Germany! The one and only important question here : Whats your favorite comfort food? pvrisofficial: Favorite comfort food...... Indian food! My absolute favorite.

Ok-Personality1480: What’s your favorite tea pls 🤠 pvrisofficial: Throat coat for singing, housemade chai for joy.

CookThePasta: Do you know the muffin man? pvrisofficial: yes

LynnGvnnFvn: What were the creative differences between writing an album like White Noise or AWKOHAWNOH and Use Me? pvrisofficial: Age, time, locations, different producers and collaborators!

unit525: How are the submissions for the meme competition looking? Any front runners emerging? pvrisofficial: It's a CLOSE call for a lot of them...

LynXiger: Which song from your discography is your least favourite and why? pvrisofficial: I wont say incase it is anyone's favorite!! hahaha

lgbtiffany: do you have a tendency to incorporate spirituality into your creative processes? love the album and can’t wait for the stream ✨❤️ pvrisofficial: I think creating is spiritual in itself! You're channeling sound and melody and MAGICCC! So yes!

vessed1: hiii. I’d love to know who found the White Noise mirror ☺️ pvrisofficial: Me too

LynXiger: What is your favourite genre to listen to? And how has this changed over time? pvrisofficial: I'm a big sucker for hip hop and pop... really anything that's catchy and hits hard and has cool production!

nicthehic: Hey Lynn! Been a huge fan for a long long time and took up doing music professionally because I was inspired by you and the rest of Pvris’ rise and work ethic. I was wondering if there was anything you would do differently while recording your first album and any advice to new ish band working on their first professional project (in the midst of covid no less) and any tips to make our first album just as great and timeless as white noise Thank you! pvrisofficial: Awww this is awesome! I'm sure you're gonna crush it! I definitely would have wanted to make the production a little different but keep a lot of the same fundamental aspects/textures. Do what YOU feel you want to create and dont feel any outside pressures. Crush it! Cant wait for you to record!

minidudette106: Hey Lynn, Do you ever think its crazy that people get tattoos of your lyrics & ones inspired by your music? also wondering what your thoughts are on pineapple on pizza? lol pvrisofficial: I used to get freaked out bc I didnt think my lyrics were great but now I think its so cool! haha.

Hot-Lime3627: Hi Lynn, how is Opal and the other cat whom you took care of during quarantaine doing ? pvrisofficial: They are back with their owner! I truly miss them every single day... they were my little fluffy pals.

kelcea244: How do you keep your creative muscle flexed so you’re ready to create? And do you create every day? EDIT: Also really sad you guys weren’t able to make it over to the UK this month! We’ll be so psyched for you when you do come! pvrisofficial: We are sad too!!! We can't wait to get back whenever it is safe to play shows there. I miss it every day! I try to create every day even if it's just 5-10 minutes, always good to keep those muscles flexed!

socksgrowonbushes: first of all i just want to say how much i admire you, you’re amazing :) my question is what is your favourite song you have ever written? is it one that’s on an album? one that hasn’t even been released? i’m curious pvrisofficial: Use Me!

LadyEpicenter25: What the significance of playing in Arizona?! pvrisofficial: Resources to make the stream happen and rehearsals happen :)

bitchesonthephone: I have one question and one question only: When will we get Let’s Go Vertigo? pvrisofficial: NEVERRRRRR

Antique_Performer_45: Hi Lynn! I’ve been a big fan of PVRIS for a few years now. Which song from Use Me was your favorite to write? I love you guys! pvrisofficial: Use Me! or Good To Be Alive!

JadeAdelaideee: Hello!!! You’ve been a huge help with me realising I was gay, is there anyone who you would look up to when you were younger who sort of helped ease that journey? 💕✨ pvrisofficial: tbh i didnt have many. It was the scattered bits of magical gay representation on teen tv shows like Degrassi/Skins etc. haha

brandonjback: what song are you most proud of from AWKOHAWNOH? pvrisofficial: Anyone Else and NOLA 1!

DixieF: A question I've been waiting ages to ask. Why are you guys so awesome? pvrisofficial: We got awesome parents!!!

Emmahumphrees: Out of all yours songs what is your favourite lyric?? pvrisofficial: "On the porch the ceiling's painted baby blue dressed to the nines just like the sky in early afternoon 'cause it's midnight and the ghosts might be coming soon" Its a reference to a New Orleans superstition that the baby blue porch ceiling would ward off spirits in the night to trick them that it was the daytime sky.

lgbtiffany: what was the most difficult part of trying to regain your voice when you were having troubles with it? pvrisofficial: Definitely just getting on stage every night knowing it wasn't working and having to pretend it was... haha. Super embarrassing.

cnnrtower: Hi Lynn! MA fan here who first saw PVRIS open for A Skylit Drive at the Palladium in 2013. Super incredible to watch the journey for the band / yourself as an artist! What was the first gig/experience that made you stop and realize that PVRIS was going places? pvrisofficial: one of our first headline shows in CT back in 2015. Show was crazy!!

KimLC24: I was just wondering how you get your inspiration to do your art and music? because it can sometimes be hard to even get motivated let alone create pvrisofficial: Totally relate and understand! I won’t lie, the older I get, the more I need to hype myself up and set a tone to create, especially when there’s so much music swirling around us at all times (the internet/streaming/etc). I almost always have a moody or dreamy movie/show playing on my ipad next to me while I work so that way there’s an inspiring visual going.

deadweighttttt: Hi Lynn!!! What’s your all time favourite lyric from the album?! pvrisofficial: HII!! "Do you even notice how easy you've got this? Taking wings off a goddess if I'm being honest"

Pvffreis: Hi Lynn, I have no idea how to use this/reddit but great to see you here! Hope you're doing good? <3 Update: I figured out how to edit comments ayyy I just signed up to ask you this very important question: Red or green apples? pvrisofficial: Idk how either but I think I got it!! Red apples! W PB

dancingonslowsand: Hi Lynn!! Been following PVRIS for a while and I’ve loved seeing how your sound has evolved over the years. Do you have any idea of what direction you want the band to go in the future? Or are you just riding the wave and seeing what happens? Also what’s your fav bird pvrisofficial: Thanks so much! I definitely plan to just keep riding the wave… I feel like every album leaves some room for the direction to go anywhere so the next chapter never feels too restricted. I have been feeling pretty hyped and high energy lately so I feel like it may reflect that a bit! Fav bird is… PENGUINS (even though people debate that they are mammals.)

pvrisofficial: Okay my friends, I gotta head out and get to rehearsals! This was so much fun, sorry I couldn't get to every Q. Love yall! See you guys so soon! <3

November 18th, 2020

#lynn gunn #lynn gvnn #lyndsey gunnulfsen #pvris

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amwritingmeta · 5 years

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i wonder if dark!kaia and AU!bobby are gonna make a comeback this season. i feel like their characters were set up for something in their last episodes, but i have no idea what. (tbh, i’m still a little worried about how kaia is gonna react to her spear being broken)

Hello, love!

I hope they are! I haven’t seen anything confirmed, though, but I’ve been off tumblr for a while over the summer due to s.t.u.f.f. and am not caught up with the rumour mill whatsoever. Anyone reading this who have additional info are encouraged to share! :)

AU!Bobby feels like an opportunity rife with possible subtext, looking at his last line of how anyone saying Jack doesn’t have to die even now that he’s clearly a monster (and we know nope he clearly isn’t because Lucifer is just a voice in Jack’s head at that point) needs to go back to school.

If Bobby returns in S15 set on the old ways of doing things - monster is a monster is to be killed - and we get exposition of how the brothers have removed themselves from their mindset in the first three seasons, through this journey they’ve been on, and are finally turning fully away from the black-and-white world John brought them up in, and all the stuff about how to stay alive that he instilled in them, and we get that exposition through the boys standing up to Bobby - who is this extremely positive father figure no matter which verse he’s from - and telling him no, there’s this better way, well, wouldn’t that be gravy?

dark!Kaia I adore. I adore her. I’d love for her to come back for any reason all the reasons. You know, if it’s all hands on deck, and it sure looks to be that kind of season, then dark!Kaia may prove an invaluable ally. She’s a strong fighter and she beat Michael once, so if Michael is coming back, our Michael, let out of the cage (I swear I bounced up and down on my bed I’m so excited at the prospect of a possibly extremely damaged Michael emerging or perhaps an ally!Michael or who the hell knows but OMFG!) anyway, digression, if Michael emerges then there are plausible ways to use her and reintroduce her into this story. Which makes me so very happy!

And her calling Dean out on breaking her spear and possibly even appearing because she’s tracked him and is now about to make good on her promise that if anything happened to her weapon she’d kill him, well, gravy! She’s a fantastic expositional tool and one of the characters that have called Dean out on his bullshit without even blinking, so it’d make for a possibly highly interesting watch if she comes back. *fingers crossed*

But, hey, it all depends on availability and schedules and all that, I think, and, of course, which writer chooses to highlight which part of the story etc. But, aw, it would be grand!

Your second ask:

another thought on dark!kaia: in The Spear, she told dean that she wants to go back home because there’s people she feels she needs to protect. and dean and cas points out that she came to their world for a reason, so something must have changed since then. we also know that she has a connection with the other kaia, and she can see through her eyes, and that kaia's body was left in the other place. my theory: the other kaia woke up, somehow, and dark!kaia wants to return to her

I honestly believe the people she needs to protect are connected wholly to the dark place and I doubt she’s feeling sentimental about our Kaia. I feel she was very clinical in her approach to taking Kaia out and that there wasn’t much remorse, but then again, she can see the future, so perhaps she knows something we don’t.

Symbolically there’s the persona (Kaia) and the shadow (dark!Kaia) and the idea of a darker doppelgänger killing off the usually kinder and more mild-mannered original version is a story trope that goes way, way back and one that Carl Jung picked up on as deeply psychological. We all have sides to ourselves that surprise us or even shock us, that scare us, shame us, that we hide, not only from the world, but from ourselves, which is when we start to get messed up, right? Kaia dying can be seen as her shadow stepping in and taking over, which is an intriguing point to start any story, because for there to be a whole, there still has to be integration. Meaning, had this story had dark!Kaia as our protagonist (and every character is the protagonist of their own story let’s not forget) dark!Kaia’s journey would’ve most likely been about how she needs to acknowledge her inner Kaia. If she can’t allow light into that darkness of hers, she’s most likely walking down a path to self-destruction aka death.

Anyway, don’t mean to digress again, but the light and dark and the balance between them is really what makes any character (and us humans) interesting and complex and compelling. It’s why the Clark Kent/Superman setup is so tricky to pull off and why it’s so hard to get a good Superman movie out of DC: Superman is already fully integrated. He has reached self-actualisation. He knows who he is and what his purpose is. There’s no internal battle for him to go through. Other than should-I-shouldn’t-I-tell-her-who-I-am? Look at Bruce Wayne/Batman and you have a superhero absolutely rife with the persona/shadow symbology right off the... you know.

Okay, that took a turn, but you see where I’m going, right? I’m just trying to paint the picture of where I’m coming from in saying that I doubt we’ll get any sort of our Kaia/dark!Kaia storyline. If we do get dark!Kaia, I’m fairly sure she’ll be a plot tool this season. She’ll most likely, if at all, appear with extremely useful information and her fists of fury to help win whatever fight they’re in. Michael, 3 billion souls out of Hell, God, what have you.

But, lovely, we shall see! I’m just stoked for this final season and I hope you are too!

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dessertstims · 7 years

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Sooo.. a lil update. I’m still feeling poopy, but at least i’m severely better. On top of that an online friend ( a different one than the one I posted not too long ago who I lost cuz they were being a mean) who I had lost came back to me today!!!!!!! :D (backstory time under the cut)

I was playing this one game for about 5 months and got into competitive. I was fed up with a team of guys who kept bossing me around and then complained that they had to always tell me what to do after they trained me to confirm with them what to do before doing it so they wouldn’t get mad at me. I decided to make my own team with a guy, named C. I was playing with everyday and he introduced me to two others, lets just call em A and B. One of those two is the friend in mention, I’ll make the good one person A! So, we got 2nd place because of a teammates mistake during a tournament, luckily there wasn’t any prize that was lost because it was a pretournament before the season started so we didn’t feel as bad as we could have, but we also were super happy because we had only formed like 2 days before that pretourney. So we did really great for 2nd place! Unfortunately after that person B started 1. digging up history between them and C and it sounded pretty legit, but who knows. I feel like half was true, half was said to make them seem worse than they were, but sometimes people get a little... weird.. lets leave it at that.

2. They wouldn’t play normal mode in the game and only would do team ranked which wasn’t available all the time and so they basically wanted to stop practice with us and would get mad at our mistakes when they made the mistake that lost us the pretourney and they also made mistakes in practice

3. Not only that B started talking about other people they wanted on the team, when we didn’t need any subs, we all played every day and could make every practice without fail. They then told different people on the team they would choose to replace a different other person of the team.

4. After that they started drama with C over twitch.. they have a small following of like 5 friends who were unfortunately a bit influential and just well known in that games community because there was only a handful of us in the competitive community for that game.. if anyone plays and kept up with it its probably obvious who i am but i doubt anyone here will know tbh so idc. Anyway, B with their little gang harassed C, who was being a champ and taking it because he wanted to win, play with A and I, and he was just hoping things would get over themselves and end up working out.. but personally I think he was taking it really because of his past being creepy to B and found their reactions understandable. 5. Then what really crossed the line was how harshly A was harassed by B by B and their small gang and then they decided that they werent deserving of friends even though I tried my best to comfort them, they had just been so hurt and made up their mind they would never talk to anyone again and not play anymore online games or anything. They disappeared for months and I kept trying to see if I could find them on steam or discord when today they added me! I was sooooo happy! I was so nervous they hurt themselves or were really gone for good or that it just made a permanent negative impression, but they are back! They are like a ball of sunshine and anyone ever being mean to them is just BEYOND ME. It’s like kicking a dang puppy or something! She is just the most darling, patient, happy, chipper person in the world and I know shes gone through a lot and even helped me through a tough time too. I’ve never seen her but I don’t have to to know shes the most beautiful person on the planet and I’m so happy shes alive and safe and playing games that I know is one of the things she enjoys most in the world as I do. Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!! :D I played a new game that ik she likes called path of exile for a couple hours with her today! :3 it was fun.

i wish my head wasn’t so cloudy with this sick tho e-e bleh. xDD <3 if you made it this far I hope you weren’t disappointed with this story time :P

#not tasty #drama #i'm still sick #tw: bullying mention #tw: video games

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paulyrhythmics · 7 years

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New Years Rant

So it is the new year, the first day has passed it’s been a pretty chill yet somber start.

So I guess I should start off with saying that 2016 was just about the most trying year of my life... thus far. I went through so many emotions & have felt the lowest I never even thought I could even feel.

Just starting out I was dealing with feelings of rejection from my ex from the previous year & when she finally broke things off between us the night before her birthday I kinda felt a sense of relief that I no longer had to feel like I was trying too hard to make her notice I was still alive & I was happy knowing that I could still be a friend to her, but given my nature I was still incredibly attached to her.

Fast forward a couple of months to April & I was super excited that I got to play my first show at my favorite venue as my own solo project & was elated to hear so much positive response from those whom attended. All the fruits of my labor had paid off & it was incredibly satisfying.

However not too long after that was when shit started really going downhill... I found out that my ex had been seeing someone else... & was supposed to be spending their 2 year anniversary in July... I was completely devastated. I went to my friend for consultation, who (unfortunately) went to his friend... & eventually the other guy found out.

When I finally talked to her she was upset with me & shut me & my friend out. It was an agonizing feeling not having proper closure. I’m the kind of person who likes having that sense of peace with things & this is now just a loose end in my life that’ll unfortunately never be tied... Also I’ll never get to see our cat again which super sucks since she also was expecting a litter when we broke up that I’ll never get to meet... 😕

Well, the main effect of all the drama was I went into the hardest state of anxiety/depression of my life. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for anyone & I’d never be able to find love again & it was hard for me to function properly for a while... About a month later though, I was able to feel like my life had meaning again when I started seeing a friend that I had been flirting with prior to the drama.

I was still dealing with my conflicting feelings with my ex but I was still happy that I had found someone new & who was so supportive to me. I was able to find the motivation to work on my other passion in music & played yet another great show at my favorite venue (as myself & back-up for my other friend’s project) & received a lot of positive reinforcement from family & friends during the time.

The next few months during the summer/fall seasons were a great adventure. I spent a lot of time feeling in love again. There was lots of trial & error in both my relationship & with my music. I was discovering what it is that I needed to do to make things work for me, & to help her grow as well. I got to hang with a lot of good friends, I got to meet a lot of great new people, saw a few amazing live artists (not as much as I’d’ve liked tho tbh) & even got to experience the world of LARPing, which is something I said I’d never do before lol

The only downside during this time was I still had those unresolved feelings of my ex floating in the back of my mind & I was also kinda dealing with a newfound feeling of jealousy for one of my partner’s friends. They were former lovers & it felt like maybe they were a better match for each other sometimes... But I kept that bottled up inside since there didn’t seem a reason to make things awkward between us.

Unfortunately things started slowing down between the 2 of us & we eventually parted ways a little after Thanksgiving. There’s no hard feelings & we can still talk a bit, which makes me happy (though it does feel a bit one sided sometimes haha but it’s cool I know she’s working hard on bettering herself as a person)

It’s been pretty lonely as of late, I find myself feeling a great need to display affection towards someone who isn’t there. But it’s as they say there’s plenty of fish in the sea, maybe I’ll find someone new in this upcoming year. Though I find myself in a kind of mindset that I kinda don’t want to be in a “relationship” but maybe have a FWB sort of thing going on. I dunno, we’ll see where that takes us... (suddenly I’m speaking in the royal we for some reason lol)

Lately a lot of venues have been closing or on the verge of closing & my favorite venue was no exception... I had a bittersweet farewell to the venue at the first of the last 3 shows there a few weeks back. It’s been kind of heartbreaking see a place that holds so many memories for so many people go away. It’s where I used to hang with my friends & ex all the time & it’s the last place I played live at too. I have both good & bad memories in there & I’ll cherish them all for as long as I live.

The end of the year has been spent pretty great however. I’ve been hanging out in AZ since that last show with my family for the past few weeks. I’ve had a pretty fun musical experience. Drum classes, jazz band jams, Music Instrument Museum, & a Snoop Dogg/Bone Thugs n Harmony concert have been highlights of the passing year. I‘ve been eating just about the best I could ever have (haha thanks mom) & I’ve gone mountain hiking 2x too.

Actual new years passed by pretty smoothly. I ate a whole large pizza by myself (all for the sake of a joke) had the traditional grapes mom & I eat (a custom from our trip to Spain when I was a kid). Kinda had a bit of a cry to myself as I reflected the hardships & loneliness I’ve felt this past year. During the day I just chilled at home, played a little guitar & Kindom Hearts Unchainedx, did some laundry, listened to some music & watched stuff on Netflix.

A little while ago, against better judgment & for old times sake I scrolled through my first ex’s fb. (I know, you’re an absolute creep man!) She’s going on a trip to Europe which is cool, I’m glad that he’s doing well for herself & I find it funny that I’ll also be going on a big trip out to Central America this year. Apparently she actually was at the old hang out spot a few days before I was there for a show (despite saying she’d never go there again a few months prior) I find it funny that had I known about the show on that day & we had crossed paths... well who knows what could have happened??? lol Also she made a post about her year & mentioned that she had ended 2 shitty relationships & stopped a few friendships. I’m curious as to weather if she even considers me to be 1 of those relationships (since I believe she was with someone else before her current relationship) or if I’m just one of the “friends” & doesn’t even acknowledge me in that regard.

I know people always saying don’t check in on others who don’t give a shit about you, but honestly, it makes me feel better knowing that people I’ve interacted with are doing well even if it’s without me in their life. I like the feeling that at one point in their life I was a part of their reality & it helped push them to where they’re at in the now for the better.

Well anyways I just felt like venting shit here again. I’ve been through a lot from 2 relationships to 2 grand musical performances (let’s not even talk about all the political bs that transpired haha) I’ve just gotta figure out what it is that I need to do this year to mature & become more adult-like. Gotta finally start thinking about learning to drive, going back to school &/or finding a stable source of income. *shudders* I guess I need to become a functioning member of society & the kind of person that can help someone I care about in any sort of situation (like help pay for things or whatever). Here’s hoping that this year will be one of great personal growth for the better!~

(Hopefully this isn’t too naive of a notion lol)

#personal rant #personal #rant

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