Gastwirtschaft Wratschko, pubiruokaa itävaltalaisittain

Reissu jatkuu Bourdainin jalanjäljissä, ja pyydän hotellin respan tekemään varauksen otsikon paikkaan. Itävallassa saa polttaa vielä ainakin joissain ravintoloissa, mutta onneksi tästä paikasta löytyy myös savuton alue. Rakennus vaikuttaa hyvin vanhalta, ja paikka on tosiaan hyvin pubimainen sekä sisältä, että ulkoa.

Käsitykseni mukaan täällä päin eurooppaa ruokakulttuurissa on vahvasti läsnä halvemmat teuraseläinten ruhonosat, kuten sisäelimet. Tämän vuoksi tilaan vähän normaalia eksoottisemman pääruoan, naudan kielen. Hintataso ei päätä huimaa, joten alkuun vielä neljän ja puolen euron kurpitsakeitto. Alkuannos tulee pöytään suht nopeasti, ja pienen suolan lisäyksen jälkeen keitto on maistuva. Naudan kieltä en muistaakseni ole aiemmin ravintolassa syönyt, mutta tämäkin toimii pienen maustamisen jälkeen epäilyttävästä ulkonäöstä huolimatta. Paikallinen perunamuusi on erikoinen mutta myös hyvä, koostumus on jotain mykyjen ja tavallisen perunamuusin väliltä.

14.08.2019

Peale pikka matka olin olime mõlemad Kunnuga haigeks jäänud :D Midagi hullu polnud, lihtsalt puhkasime poolteist nädalat. 14.08 oli siis meie esimene trenn peale pausi. Kunnule põllule järgi minnes oli kaugelt juba näha, et poisil on energia üleküllus. Jooksis koplikaaslasega edasi - tagasi, saba püsti.

Minu nägemine paistis teda rõõmustavat kuna tuli kohe mu juurde, nügis ninaga üle aia ja käis mul järel, kui ma üritasin ta kadunud päitseid üles leida. Talli poole jalutades üritas teiste noortega mängima hakata aga minu kuri hääl tuletas talle meelde, et nööri otsas tuleb viisakalt käituda.

Talli boksis ei tahtnud üldse paigal püsida niiet panin ta siis talli vahekäiku seisma. Seal meeldib talle rohkem ja mul ei olnud aega temaga jageleda seekord. Samas trenn läks väga hästi. Alguses lasin tal korde peal joosta pikemalt (u 20min kokku) ja siis istusin selga. Väga meeldiv oli, et ta ootas ilusti ära minu selga istumise ja seisis paigal. 

Traavis oli temaga mugav sõita. Ei kiirustanud enamuse ajast ja säärele reageeris hästi. Mõned korrad üritas kiiremaid samme teha aga tuli ilusti tagasi ja pidin ainult ühe korra kanda korraks kasutama, kui ta tahtis nurka lõigata. Üldiselt jäin väga rahule Kunnuga. Galoppi me seekord palju ei teinud kuna ma ise väsisin suht kiiresti ära ja lihased/jalad hakkasid valutama.

Mul on puusad kinni ja rüht vale ning selle tõttu on raske õiges istakus sadulas istuda. Käin selle murega ka kiropraktiku juures ja võimlen kodus. 3-4 kuuga on asi paremaks läinud ja ma ise tunnen, et istun sadulas nüüd teistmoodi. Mis kõige tähtsam, alaselja valudest sain lahti. Isegi peale peale pikki distantse ei hakka valutama. See valu, mis ma trenni lõpus reie sisekülgedes tundsin tegelikult tähendab, et ma kasutasin õigeid lihaseid. Lihtsalt peale 1,5 nädalast pausi peavad lihased jälle harjuma koormusega.

Pilti seekord ei teinud aga lisan juuli kuust ka meie esimese hüppetrenni video. Kunnu alles õpib üle takistuste hüppama niiet uhkeid hüppeid seal veel ei ole aga väikesed hüpped ongi kõige alus.

Kuidas ma kuu aega psühhopaadiga elasin?

Tegelikult pole siia ammu midagi kirjutanud aga täna on see päev,kus tahaks ennast välja elada.

Maailmas on ikka olemas igasugu imelike inimesi. Sotsiaalmeedias räägitakse naiste vägivallast aga miks ei räägita meeste vägivallast? 

Korterikaaslane leidis omale toreda neiu,kes pealtnäha tundus ilus,malbe aga tegelikult sisemus mädanes.Neiu pidas ennast maailma nabaks, kui mees üritas musi teha,siis neiu keeras selja ja absoluutselt neiu ignoreeris igasuguseid lähenemiskatseid. Värskel paaril ei peaks seksist ja armastuset puudust olema või mis? Selgus,et neiul on sõber,keda igatseda. Ausus suhtes on kõige alus.

Täna öösel 02.00 ärkan mina selle peale,et neiu röögib korterikaaslase peale, järjekordne tüli. Korterikaaslane otsusta neiu välja visata ja seitsme tuule poole ta kaduski.

Kuidas saab üks inimene nii hoolimatu olla oma partneri suhtes? Sellele küsimusele teab, vaid vastust tema ise.

Päikest.

temporary lives leave temporary scars

Teokseni lähtökohtana olivat keholle yöllä ilmestyvät painaumat, jotka miellän unieni arviksi. Painaumat dokumentoivat unet iholleni, samaan tapaan kuin arvet dokumentoivat elettyä elämää, mutta painaumat katoavat yhtä nopeasti kuin unet, väliaikaiset elämät. Olen aina nähnyt todella selkeitä, elokuvamaisia unia, joten ne olivat minulle luonteva lähtökohta metodipohjaiseen, dokumentoivaan työskentelyyn.

Metodi

Tehtävänannon kuullessani mieleeni tulivat heti unet ja nukkuminen, näen todella omituisia unia ja niiden dokumentoiminen on kiehtonut minua jo kauan. Näen esimerkiksi jatko-osia edellisille unille, tai sitten saman unen monta kertaa lyhyen ajan sisään ja myöhemmin saman unen uudelleen niin, että kun yleensä olen sen lopussa kuollut, sillä kertaa selviänkin. Näiden outojen yöllisten elämien tallentaminen on jotain mitä olen halunnut tehdä jo pitkään, mutta en ole keksinyt siihen taiteellista näkökulmaa ennen kurssia ja tätä tehtävää. Opin siis näkemään asioiden dokumentoinnin kameran linssin läpi jollain taiteellisesti minua kiinnostavalla tavalla, ajattelemaan hieman eri tavalla dokumentoimisesta kuin yleensä. Opin myös kuvan teknisten ominaisuuksien tärkeyden, kuvat eivät olisi yhtään samanlaisia jos olisin ottanut ne niin, että ne olisivat kokonaan teräviä ja selkeitä.

Taidekäsitykseni pysyi suht samanlaisena - kuvissa esiintyy juuri niitä elementtejä joista taiteessa pidän - ihmisen esittäminen abstraktina, kylmän viileät sävyt ja runollisen tekstin yhdistäminen kuviin. Yksi yllättävä asia ehkä oli, että kun ennen olen pitänyt esteettisesti miellyttävänä tekstin olemista itse kuvissa, nyt minusta tuntui että teksti kuvan päällä söi sitä pois ja kritiikissä esitinkin ne niin, että teksti oli kuvan alapuolella (tänne laitetuissa versioissa teksti on kuvan päällä lukemisen helpottamiseksi, ettei jokaisen kuvan kohdalla tarvitse kelata alas tänne kuvaukseen). Ehkä valokuvauksen tarkempi opiskelu jotenkin sai tuntumaan siltä, että niitä kuvia ei saa “tärvellä” iskemällä niiden päälle tekstiä, vaikka aikaisemmin olen tehnyt tätä aika huoletta.

Oppimisprosessiani auttoivat tietysti kurssilla aiemmin käydyt luennot kameran käytöstä, näin tiesin että saisin kuvista juuri sellaisia kuin halusinkin - unenomaisia, kaikki muu kuvasta painaumia lukuunottamatta olisi epätarkkaa ja sumuista. Olen edelleen myös aivan innoissani siitä, että keksin kurssin avulla tavan dokumentoida näkemiäni unia jotenkin kuvallisesti pelkän tekstin sijaan!

Tehtävää tekiessä kiinnostavinta olivat unet, joita viikon sisään näin, ihan omituista että juuri sille viikolle kun tehtävää varten kuvasin sattuivat juuri ne tapahtumarikkaimmat ja selkeimmät unet. Kiinnostavaa ja samalla kuitenkin haastavaa oli tehtävän dokumentoiva luonne - halusin että juuri ne painaumat jotka ilmestyivät tietyn yön aikana liitettäisiin juuri niihin uniin mitä samana yönä näin, ja sitten kävikin niin että vaikka aamulla kehossani olisivat mitä mielettömämpiä painaumia, en muistanut sinä yönä näkemiäni unia tai päinvastoin niin, että saatoin nähdä huikeita unia, mutta sitten kehossani ei ollutkaan painaumia. Tämän takia sarjassa on tällä hetkellä vain kolme kuvaa, ne olivat ainoat kerrat kun painaumat ja unet täsmäsivät, yritin ottaa lisää tämän portfolion palauttamiseen mennessä mutta unet ja painaumat eivät jälleen täsmänneet, tai sitten en ehtinyt mahduttaa aamuihini painaumien kuvausta - itse on kovin vaikeaa saada tarkennus ja kaikki kohdalleen, kun tarkennettava alue on niin pieni ja painaumat häviävät yllättävän nopeasti. Tämä on kuitenkin jatkuva projekti, aion siis jatkaa kuvien ottamista koska tämä on minulle hyvä tapa dokumentoida uniani, lisään niitä sitten tänne portfolioon sitä mukaa kun saan kuvia otettua.

Identiteet

Ego or Intuition? How do I know whether it's my true self talking or my ego talking? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hpte6gGyVcc

ego is your identity. Your true part is the source energy expressing itself as you in this physical life. Ego is the part of you that needs to quantify who and what you are. Ego is your temporary self that your source self is practicing in your lifetime. Ego sees itself as separate, true self is a part of oneness. 

when a child is born, that child does not have an awareness of the self yet. what it does first is it learns what other is. then it starts to form a self-concept based on what his/her parents tell it about itself. That is the birth of the ego. Ego is the accumulated identity (your experience of yourself, other people´s opinions of you). Ego cares about one thing and that is survival. It cares about separating itself from what is other. Ego was born in order to understand oneness - you can only know oneness if you know separateness. There´s no need to make enemy out of ego as ego is just a perspective you have in this individual life. The problem comes when the tool is in control of you, not the other way around. Ego keeps us safe and alive, but it also stands in the way of spirituality. It feeds fear, anxiety, resentment, judgement, feeds all sort of attachments and resistance. 

Disidentification (The Practice of Non Attachment) - Teal Swan -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRfkTg8-I7I 

Identity is being one separate self, another word for this is ego. You can not have a sense of self without simultaneously having a sense of other. Separate self is needed for you to be able to experience its opposite - oneness. Whenever we identify with sth, we take it as a part of us (not separate from us, if not us in our entirety). 

If you identify with a thought - that thought becomes you. The same goes with another person, my anger (can be emotion), my child. All this becomes what you are, this is what attachment really is. Your ego is a giant kogum of all the things you identify with, all you are attached to. If any of the things we are identified with is threatened, that is when we have an extreme reaction. That´s because we perceive a threat to that thing or person as a threat to our survival. We don´t know the difference between that thing and ourself, we see it as personal attack.

One might say there´s nothing bad in identifying with anything that feels good. But the issue is that all the things hold within themselves seeds of its opposite. For instance, worthiness carries the seeds of unworthiness, excitement - disappointment. Far more troubling is that we often identify with things that cause us feel bad. This gives us a reason to keep that thing alive within us. We need it in order to maintain our sense of self. 

Great many spiritual teachers tell you it´s important to disidentify with external things, especially other people. But it is Teal´s opinion that these are not the things that cause us most suffering. What causes the most pain are the things we perceive as internal to us. We are the most identified with 3 primary aspects of ourselves - body, thoughts and emotions. Each of these are an expression of source consciousness but we mistake these expressions for who we are. a bit like a painter that is so identified with his painting that he has forgotten he´s more than he´s painting. we think we are our body, our thoughts and our emotions - we are so attached that they cause us to suffer. suffering is the reason that disidentification is one of the highest spiritual practices that you can take on. to disidentify, you simple need to start to see sth as other than you. you can disidentify with pretty much anything. you can disidentify with your pain for example. If you feel pain, you can look at that as a separate entity reacting. that way you don´t take pain personally because you have disowned it. But most important thing you can do is disidentify with your thoughts, emotions and body. You will notice that your attachment to external things - people, places etc will follow simply on their own as a result of doing this because the other things are filtered through our primary attachments or identification. The hardest part about spiritual practice are the complementary contradistions that inherently exist in the multidimentional universe. truth is not same on different dimentional levels. sometimes they contradict but each is true in their own right. at the highest truth all is one. so any form of disidentification is enhancement of self and otherness in this universe. when nothing is other than you, not your emotions, body, mind, other people, kitchen table, your dog. but you see much less truth this experience first disidentify with the very things that keep you locked in your own identity. The false self is like compass of the things you are identified with. Like onion you peel off the rings to discover what you really are. we do not engage in this process of disidentification with the attitude of resistance. look at the things you are attached to more like rose petals that fall away when opened to the light. an attempt to push away the things you are identified with only makes you more identified (ego). it only makes you feel rejected by yourself. you only cause an intense survival reaction within yourself.

the way to disidentify is to recognize all the things you are attached to. for this reason I want you to take a blank page of paper and I want you to write down all the things you think you might be attached to. take into account that the real list extends far beyond the one you are about to create but this is a consciousness exercise. a good way to find things that you are identified with is to look at all the things you see as “mine”.

“my..” (friends etc), 

“I am..” (sexy etc),

also try to find thoughts and ideas that you are attached to (money doesn´t grow on trees),

try to find the emotions you are identified with, you are identified with emotions that are chronic. they might even set the atmosphere of the totality of your life (disappointment might be one of them). we can even become identified with pain itself. this is a very painful state as the ego will seek pain out to reinforce its own identity. but there´s an interesting flip side. the people who identify with pain often end up in so much pain they disidentify with themselves completely, this is a form of emotional suicide. this is what´s happening in a spontaneous awakening experience. 

find the parts of your body that you are identified with (I see myself as fat) 

remember that anything you are identified with causes a strong reaction within you as you have taken it as yourself. whenever those things are threatened, your ego will go to the state of defence. ego sees the loss of these things as annihilation. all this said, the real practice begins when we are aware of what we are identified with, the things that cause a reaction within us. the easiest way to do this is in response to emothions. you can use strong emotions like an alarm bell or meditation bell that alarm you that your undivided presence is required in this moment. there is sth you need to become aware of. by recognizing, becoming aware you are in this moment as your eternal self observing the temperal self instead of merely being mersed in your temporal self´s perspective. instead of being under water, you are above water looking at water. when a strong emotion arises, look at it instead of reacting or pushing it away. remind yourself that this is emotional body that gets activated like electric fence. it is not the emotion that makes you feel pain, it´s the identification you have with that pain. this is all it takes to disidentify with something. don´t try to change how you feel, just recognize and let it be there. a fun note about this is that if you use those triggers and become in that moment intensely present you have opened yourself up to insight and intuition. for example you might notice what triggered you and why it triggered you. you might receive insight that helps you to dissipate that charged reaction. 

don´t worry about disidentification creating suppression or repression. disidentification is in fact opposite of supression. this is in fact the moment when free will is introduced to the experience. it is better to think of it this way - in the moment that you are completely aware of the emotional reaction or with the thought you are thinking what happens in that moment is that you are introducing the pure light of consciousness to those shadows so it´s almost like the light of your consciousness dissipates or burns them up like a films strip being exposed to flame. by observing a thought and letting it be there you are not actually adding any fuel to it because you have stepped out of your participation inside of that thought. this stops the thought attracting other like thoughts. this stops the negative spiral. when it comes to your body, if you think you are your body any time your body changes you literally lose your identity. we can look at our body as an experience we currently have instead of who we are. this is the whole idea behind being a spiritual person having a human experience. you are not your ego, you are not your separate self. the moment you become aware of ego you are in this moment disidentified with ego. what you can acutely see is what you are not. then the filter separating you from what you are is removed. then you are aware of what you are, this is a state of peace, a state of unwavering grace. 

Own People! (How To Take Ownership of Your Relationships) 

Ownership is associated with possession. Possession had a light and dark side. The dark side of possession is not actually inherent to the actual concept of ownership of possession, that is an additive that is created by the limitation of human consciousness. To own sth means that sth belongs to you. That is actually the positive side of the possession. It is an inclusion based concept. To love sth is to take it as a part of yourself. It means it automatically belongs with and to you.

Where possession goes dark is that once you have sth, you have complete and total control over it. What if I told you this has nothing to do with possession in and of itself. It´s that mankind´s limited consciousness equates sth belonging to you mean you can automatically control it. Unawaken men simply decided that in the mercy of their own fears and impulse towards power decided that owning means control. But this is in fact the opposite of true ownership. 

If you have negative associations with ownership, it is because you have experienced the shadow aspect of ownership. This means you weren´t actually owned. Someone treated you as an object in their reality. You were not a part of them and so you were powerless, your best interests were never cared for. You have never experienced true ownership. 

To truly own sth is to see that thing as a part of yourself. You can not hurt it without hurting yourself. You can not surpet(?) it´s free will without hurting yourself. So the well-being of that thing is of the utmost concern with the genuine ownership. When we don´t own people, we feel no responsibility to them. We take ourselves as totally separate from one another. We are more at risk of playing zero sum game as we are looking for us to win and them to lose. We become self centered. Our relationships become transactional. We are not in relationship for connection itself as for the connection we need to feel, see and hear the other person. 

To explain this dynamic further I´m gonna highlight an aspect about our society while throwing out the concept of ownership has done extreme amounts of damage to relationship between two people - men and women. For thousands of years women were seen as property, just like a man owning land and as such a man had ownership over women. But most men didn´t take women as a part of themselves. They didn´t consider the best interest of their wives or daughters or even suns for that matter. They just took possession over however they want. They were totally in a form of shadow possession. When the feminist movement came through and demolished the idea that a woman is a property of a man, men were forced to relincuish the possession of women. By doing this, they didn´t just relincuish the shadow side of possession, they also relincuished light side of ownership. Relationships between men and women have suffered immensely. 

Women really enjoy the sense of containment and the sense of protection that comes from the ownership by divine masculine. No, they didn´t like being controlled but they enjoyed being owned. What are the main complaints in the couples therapy today? It´s that men take no responsibility for them or their children whatsoever. Many women feel men don´t take direct responsibility for their well-being, the man is hands off. For a woman it feels like being in a relationship alone, the man is another child or like she´s being exploited by him. He only participates to the degree that he is either nagged to do it or if he can get sth from her like sex. 

If you want to understand the energy of true ownership, I suggest you to watch a movie titled Rob Roy where the main character Rob Roy betrays the masculine ownership and where the villan in the movie betrays the exact opposite - non-ownership. Watch this movie with others specifically in mind but keep in mind that in this time period people did not understand the idea of ownership of all things, including their enemies as a part of themselves. this is a graduated consciousness understanding.

kuni 5.20

Belonging and How to Belong - Teal Swan https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9AIZK0QSk8w

Instant Belonging - Teal Swan - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iofHNbc5xSk