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knightofameris · 4 years

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among the stars — sugawara koushi

✎ gender. neutral ✎ contains. pestablished relationship, uneahlthy familial relationships (mention), anxiety of a college kid, self indulgent, not edited ✎ wc. 1.7k

✎ summary. with so much anxiety and uncertainties on earth, what to do, how to do it, you always looked up to the stars for answers.

✎ ameris’ notes. just something self indulgent. not my best work but, it’s kay! also tried to keep reader’s interests as vague as possible, but I can only do so much lol.

The Miyagi air was sharp against your skin. Piercing. Cold. It felt like if water fell from your eyes then it would immediately freeze over.

That was one motivator to hold your tears in.

You swallowed down the very lump in your throat because you knew that if it escaped, the dam would break loose. And again, you did not want your tears to freeze on your face. A sigh left your mouth, the cold air apparent in front of your face as you walked past Ukai’s shop. There was still a light inside but you could tell that it was closed. After all, the world—or rather, Japan—was preparing to sleep for the night.

“Hey.”

With perked ears, you turned your head towards the source. Suga stood there with a gentle smile on his face, his little bean sprout (as you liked calling it) on top of his head. He donned his typical winter coat and blue scarf, topped with gloves on his hands. Clearly, he was more prepared for the winter temperatures of Miyagi than you. Considering you were just wearing a thin sweatshirt and jeans. But you ran out of your house too fast to think ahead of time.

“Koushi,” a ghost of a smile played at your lips until you remembered why you called him out. The two of you were back in Miyagi for winter break and at first you were excited to be back home from university, feeling like your relationship with your parents was starting to look up. That is, until you realized nothing changed at all.

After all, even your older brother who had a somewhat better relationship with your parents ended up with an estranged one.

They didn’t even go to his wedding.

Suga took off his coat, draping it around your shoulders. You tried to protest, claiming that he’ll end up with a cold but with a chaste kiss to your forehead, you accepted it reluctantly. The final icing on the cake was when he promptly wrapped his scarf around your neck. His gloved fingers brushed against your neck as he tucked it into the coat. And despite the clothed barrier, you were still able to feel the warmth and love that radiated from him.

With that big smile of his, he beamed at you, “There, all nice and warm.”

You rolled your eyes as you laced your hands with his before tucking it into your—or his—coat pocket. And the two of you set off, walking to wherever your feet took you.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, glancing at you. You pursed your lips, your hand squeezed his. Ever so slightly, you walked closer to him, wanting the comfort of his presence.

You shake your head, “No, not yet.”

“Whenever you’re ready.” His thumb brushes against the back of your hand as the two of you approach an empty park with a large open field of grass. The very place the two of you met all those years ago. The very place the two of you would spend countless nights after his many volleyball practices. The very place the two of you confessed your feelings to one another.

You were glad to know that you knew him for over half your life and that he would continue to be a part of your life (at least you hoped so).

Despite the freezing weather, Suga sat on the ground, in the middle of the grass field and pulled you down with him to sit between his legs. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing you against his chest.

“I’ve missed you,” Suga murmured into your neck, letting his lips kiss you lightly. You let out a small giggle, telling him that it tickles. He didn’t care and started to press more kisses on your neck. Your laughter was music to his ears. As overused as that statement was. But he was just so happy to hear it in person instead of over the phone. It had been a long time waiting. For the both of you.

“Koussshhiii,” you whined, pushing his face away from you. He pouts but relents nonetheless. Your laughter dying down as you settle down and rest your head against his shoulder, looking up to the night sky.

“Hey, Koushi?” You ask, your eyes tracing the stars, trying to see if you’d be able to recognize any constellations despite the light pollution. The one that you’re always able to find during this time of year was always Orion’s belt. Before you knew it, the three stars entered your sight.

Suga hummed in response, prompting you to continue with your thought. You turned your head towards him, your eyes landing on his beauty mark that you always love leaving kisses on. Especially with how flustered he’d get after.

“Where do you think shooting stars land?”

There was a moment of silence. Suga looked up at the sky, used to your odd questions. A small smile made its way onto his face. Immediately, you knew what he was up to.

“Well, I’d say in your eyes, because you’re made of stardust.” He grinned as you let out a groan, you shook your head.

“You’re so cheesy, Kou-chan.”

“You love me.” He nuzzles his nose to your cheek.

“Yeah, yeah.”

Silence veiled over the two of you. A comfortable silence. Despite sitting on the cold ground, the two of you felt more warm than ever. Even if Suga gave his coat to you. But he was prepared, making sure to wear a few extra layers after past experience to how many times you’d sneak out of the house or just run away for space away from your parents.

His heart would break every time you’d run into his arms with tears. After all, all children want is for their parents to be proud of them, to support them, to love them in a way that’s healthy.

“My parents really want me to become a doctor,” you break the silence. His grip around you tightens.

“Do you want to?”

“I...” you trail off for a second, “I don’t know. I’m doing fine in all my classes, more than fine. I’ve got plenty of shadowing opportunities. I’m actually top of my class. But...”

“You want to do something else, right?” Suga finished for you, knowing all about your interests and what you’d rather do. The way your eyes would light up whenever you wanted to show him something new. You always loved how he’d support you through and through.

“Yeah, it’s just that, I don’t think I’m any good at it, even if I wanted to pursue it as a job. All the classes I have to take to become a doctor, that comes naturally. But not anything I’d want to do. I don’t know what I want out of life anymore.” You let out a sigh, trying to dig further into the comfort of Suga’s arms. His hands begin to play with your fingers. His gloves are long gone so you’re able to feel the pads of his finger tips, the callouses from his many years of playing volleyball. And yet, they were still soft.

Suga pressed his lips against your temple and you leaned into it.

“You remember our third year, when Kageyama became starting setter?” You nod your head. “Do you remember what you said to me when I felt so useless? When I couldn’t even play the sport that I love so much?” You close your eyes, remember that conversation distinctly. It did take place here, like every other memory.

“That you were still important and that you still had a lot to get out of the club.”

“Well, that’s the gist of it. Even then, the same could be applied to you. And you saw Hinata, he was terrible-” you laughed, remembering his many mistakes “-but he’s gotten so much better. He is in his last year now.”

Your laughter died down. “Fair but, Hinata’s sorta simple minded. No offense to him, he only has volleyball in his head. Besides, my parents hate all the things I’d be interested in.”

“That’s the thing about life and living, huh.” You turn your head to look at Suga, his eyes resting somewhere beyond the horizon as he continues to talk. “How should we live, how do we make the most of it. I know I can’t answer that for you, your parents can’t either. Only you can.”

That’s the weird thing about college and moving on from your small sheltered life. You found that even if you had some sort of plan after high school, for the most part once you hit nineteen, twenty, everything comes crashing down. Some of your friends who wanted to pursue STEM degrees found more meaning in the performing arts and some of those struggled with the means of getting there. Some people didn’t even know what they were doing, just trying to coast by. You question everything and you feel like you have to have everything figured out before you leave university. Or so you found within yourself and others near your age.

But it was in moments like these that you found your anxieties about the future calmed down, even if it was for a little while.

You hum, turning your gaze back at the stars. “Well, however I live in the future, there’s one thing I know about it.”

“Hmm? What’s that?” Suga asks, glancing at you, his fingers still fiddling with yours.

“I know I want you in it for the rest of my life, living by my side.”

Suga’s eyes widened. Sure, the two of you grew up together, found love in each other. And sure, he’s thought about maybe starting a family with you, break that generational scarring. Or at the very least, marrying you and moving in together. Waking up beside you, going to sleep with you in his arms or him in your arms. You’ve had the same thoughts as well, but not once have either of you even hinted at it. So knowing that you wanted what he did, well, it eased his anxieties about the future as well.

His fingers began to play with your left ring finger, rubbing over where the ring would go.

“I’d like that, a lot,” he murmurs with a hint of a smile dancing on his lips.

No matter what the future holds, you knew you wouldn’t have to go it alone.

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