#such a joel problem to have
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feel free to speculate/explain your vote in the tags ^_^
#i noticed we can actually make one of these now since enough people are dead LOL#anyways light post but im curious as to what people are leaning towards. speculation is fun#secret life smp#im on team joel btw ^_^ i have other players that i'd like to win. but i think he's probably got a good shot at winning#only problem with trying to predict stuff this season is that so much of it is genuinely just luck#which is both good and. not great. but it does mean that less pvp-oriented players have a better chance
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Me: *financially independent and uncomfortable accepting monetary help*
Also me: *fiercely anti-captalist and anti-rich people*
Still me: *staring wistfully at @theidiotwhowritesthings's sugar daddy!Joel Miller AU* I want one
#Joel Miller x reader#sugar daddy!joel miller#🎶guess who had car problems again 🎶#i guess tcoy!joel is specifically my anti-car anxiety blorbo#for real though he'd have a whole team of mechanics on call just for his family/friends#no phone tag with the towing company#no hold music everytime you call#regular updates so you're not left wondering all day#drop off service so you don't have to wait for your roommate to get home just so you can drive five minutes away to the shop#anyways it's been a bit of a week and i have my car back but i also have ✨ anxiety✨#and that bitch keeps poking me and asking if my car's rEaLlY fixed or if it's going to refuse to start and leave me stranded at work#missing tcoy!joel hours#time to reread!
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“You know, I didn’t expect to feel relief after this,” Etho says. “It’s not my feeling. It’s yours.”
Joel snorts. “Yeah, well, lot easier when you’re red, isn’t it? You can do all the killing you want and everyone’s scared of you.”
“Hm,” Etho says.
“Didn’t expect to feel so much fear. Never took you for a coward,” Joel says conversationally. Despite the harsh words, he’s not really aiming to hurt. Just to... poke. To poke and see what happens. Does that a lot, really. Makes sense to extend it to his partner. Etho gets it, anyway. Etho does it too.
“It’s not cowardly to be afraid of dying,” Etho points out. “I want to win.”
“Well, there you go. You want to win. I want to kill people,” Joel says. “What’s so hard to understand about that, huh?”
“Oh, nothing,” Etho says. “I understand you perfectly, Joel.”
“Good,” says Joel. “I mean, I built this whole Relation Ship. Would be sorta depressing if after I got to properly cut my teeth you chickened out.”
“I won’t chicken out,” Etho says. “Don’t worry. Just because I’m not as excited about the whole killing thing as you doesn’t mean I have any problems with it. Besides, a bit of chaos is fun.”
Joel smiles. He knows it’s all sharp teeth, okay? He knows it. He’s not baring them at Etho, though. He’s baring them at the world. The foreign fear is fading. The relief he’d felt on being red and finally being back on footing he understands is fading too from its overwhelming state, as an emotion that they share takes its place. “See, now you get it. Now we’re feeling the same thing.”
“Heart beating the same way,” agrees Etho.
“This is what being a soulmate’s about,” Joel says. “All about planning so, so much murder together. Speaking of. We do have some sand that I don’t think Grian knows we have.”
“Now now, Joel. Leave the traps to me,” Etho says.
“Rude?” Joel says.
“Takes one to know one,” Etho says.
“That doesn’t even make sense,” Joel complains, but he’s smiling.
#double life smp#double life spoilers#ethoslab#joel smallishbeans#a bee fic#one more for the road: i think joel still has this problem where he's most comfortable on red#a thing that would probably make some partners uncomfortable too! who's relieved they're on their last life?#but see joel's partner is etho#and etho may not have the same bloodlust but etho DEFINITELY gets it#they're a match made in heaven i love them
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Fuck it, posts my SmallEtho playlist.
Part-Time Soulmate, Full-Time Problem: A SmallEtho/Boat Boys Playlist
(Best listened to on shuffle.)
This is a kinda long playlist (28 tracks), so if you only have time for a few songs, check out: ‘Pyrokenesis’; ‘I Am Fred Astaire’; & ‘Built To Burn.’
Full track list & selected lyrics under cut.
1. Son of a Gun - Motion City Soundtrack
Have you had enough? Are you tough? Are you broken?/Hit me where it hurts, don’t just curtsey & sulk/I know I deserve every elegant word that you’re hurling at me
2. Pyrokenesis - 7chariot
When you say the things you say, they start a little spark/Ignite this small but also highly flammable heart
You’re setting me on fire, I don’t wanna fight it/You don’t need a lighter, you’re a flame/Drowning myself in water only makes it harder/Hard for me to keep myself away
3. Just One Yesterday - Fall Out Boy
I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way/Still I’d trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday
4. Violently Alive - I Hate Kate
I hate that you’re there/And I’m here/In the same room/Miles from me to you/We’re so distant/But close enough to touch
5. Tiger Teeth - Walk The Moon
Give in, give in, I want you back/One heart, one too many to stomach/Love bites so deep and we got tiger teeth
6. It’s Not A Fashion Statement, It’s A Deathwish - My Chemical Romance
Hip-hip-hooray for me, you talk to me/But would you kill me in my sleep?/Lay still like the dead/From the razor to the rosary, we could lose ourselves/And paint these walls in pitchfork red
7. True Romance - Motion City Soundtrack
I’m a screwup of epic proportions/A walking hand grenade/Hyper-manic, a dime store dramatic/A conduit for pain
She said “Don’t speak, don’t think,/Just take it off, take it off”/I said “Don’t speak, don’t think,/Just mess me up, mess me up”
8. Violence - blink-182
Like violence, you have me, forever and after/Like violence, you kill me, forever and after
9. I Am Fred Astaire - Taking Back Sunday
I’m under the assumption that I’m gonna be the one that’s leaving you/Tonight, oh, tonight/Well I flipped every switch that I could find on my way out/Just to upset you more/Just to keep you busy/Just to make you angry/Just because you were right
I’m stuttering through it, but I hear it/Well I-I I hear it’s good t-t-to stick to what you know
10. The Wolf - The Crane Wives
I am not a tempest/I light torches in my sleep/I have gasoline in my veins/I am always burning, burning burning
11. Crave - Waterparks
I’m cravin’ a getaway from the/Smooth talk that’s keeping me grounded/To the carpet in my room/My quiet blue tomb of you
I wish I could forget you
12. Hold Me Like A Grudge - Fall Out Boy
Hold me, hold me like a grudge/The world is always spinning and I can’t keep up/Faster and faster, can’t do it on my own/Part-time soulmate, full-time problem yeah/Hold me like a grudge
13. Formidable - Twenty One Pilots
You are formidable to me/‘Cause you seem to know it, where you wanna go/Yeah yeah yeah I’ll follow you/But you should know/I might be cynical towards you/But I just can’t believe that I’m for you/Yeah yeah yeah I can die with you/Just let me know
14. Play With Fire - Sam Tinnesz feat Yacht Money
I ride the edge/My speed goes in the red/Hot blood, these veins/My pleasure is their pain/I love to watch the castles burn/These golden ashes turn to dirt/I’ve always liked to play with fire
15. Bulletproof Heart - My Chemical Romance
I’ve got a bulletproof heart/You’ve got a hollow point smile/Me and your runaway scars/Got photographed dream on the getaway mile/Let’s blow a hole in this town/And do our talking with a laser beam/Gunnin’ out of this place in a bullet’s embrace/Then we’ll do it again
16. The Truth Is, You Should Lie With Me - Say Anything
You’re a pretty face, you should like me/I want to get used by you/‘Cause I’m full of hate, just excite me/I want to get bruised by you
17. Red - Pale Waves
Oh no baby, are we gonna make it this time?/I always take hearts that shouldn’t be mine, be mine/Slow down baby, are we gonna make it alive?/You’ve got a face that I always recognize/Always recognize
18. Kill V. Maim - Grimes
I did something bad, maybe I was wrong/Sometimes people says that I’m a big time bomb/But I’m only a man/And I do what I can
19. FUNERAL GREY - Waterparks
I said that you can call me, beep me/If you want my skin/She rolled her eyes and then she said/“I know your dying wish is to be baptized in my spit”
20. Shiver - Motion City Soundtrack
Shiver away, I thought the action was real/Somewhere I know that’s just the way you are/it’s hard to believe that you’re a part of me/And I can’t believe when you carry on and on
21. Kiss With A Fist - Florence + The Machine
My black eye casts no shadow/Your red eye sees nothing/Your slaps don’t stick, your kicks don’t hit/So we remain the same/Love sticks, sweat drips/Break the lock if it don’t fit/A kick to the teeth is good for some/A kiss with a fist is better than none
22. Mr. Brightside- The Killers
It started out with a kiss/How did it end up like this/It was only a kiss/It was only a kiss
23. Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge
Escape was just a nod and a casual wave/Obsess about it heavy for the next two days/It’s only just a crush, it’ll go away/It’s just like all the others, it’ll go away/Or maybe this is danger and he just don’t know/You pray it all away, but it continues to grow
24. Can You Feel My Heart (Remix) - Bring Me The Horizon, Jeris Johnson
I’m scared to get close/And I hate being alone/I long for that feeling to not feel at all
Holding on, bring me close, feel my heart/Can you feel my heart?
25. Built To Burn - Shaffer James
We’ll build a world/And burn it down/Everything is pretty/When we burn it to the ground
26. Hatef—k - The Bravery
There will be no tenderness, no tenderness/I will show no mercy for you/You had no mercy for me/The only thing that I ask/Love me mercilessly
27. Stupid For You - Waterparks
You’re playing ring around my head/I’ll wear you like a halo/You’re a symphony/I’m just a sour note/I’ll take what I can get/The best is hard to grip when everybody wants you/And everybody wants you
28. My Obsession - Pale Waves
I’m stood still, I can barely breathe/You’re such a mess but you’re always beautiful to me/Run your fingers across my mouth/I’m not prepared to stay here without you
#so I know I said I was gonna do a series of art based on songs from that list#& I probably still will do a couple more!#but right now I am tired of waiting for myself to make a new cover image#or do any of the other paintings#so here it is with cover art being the only song based piece I’ve finished so far#also please tell me your thoughts on these songs if you have any!#I really really really want to discuss these songs with other SmallEtho fans…#okay now maybe my brain will let me focus on something else.#we can only hope.#joel smallishbeans#etho#smallishbeans#ethoslab#smalletho#boat boys#hermitshipping#trafficshipping#part time soulmate full time problem#Spotify
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Some of my favourite parts of the esquire interview
#I might have a problem#Pedro pascal#pedro pascal interview#pedro Pascal x reader#the last of us#joel miller
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LISTEN GUYS ITS GONNA HAPPEN I SWEAR THE EVIDENCE IS ALL THERE
PLEASE ADD TO THIS IF YOU REBLOG
#QSMP#trafficblr#traffic smp#traffic series#joel smallishbeans#cellbit#scott smajor#empires hermes#empires s2#jimmy solidarity#canary curse#binary entity#qsmp code entity#ethoslab#lizzie ldshadowlady#mythicalsausage#watchers#qsmp federation#boogeyman curse#i have problems
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Joel did not put his whole pussy into being an insane housewife and compete to be the #1 Ethogirl and wear Ethos face on his shirt all season for you guys to say his relationship/allyship with Etho was forced just because it was a soulbond
#boat boys#smalletho#I GET trying to make the bad boys extra important to him I GET IT#but this just. is a misreading thats so popular rn its driving me crazy#HE was SO enthusiastic abt allying with Etho even when Etho was jokingly distressed#in general people have a problem with discrediting Joels relationships and Im like. beating all your doors down to tell you Scar and Grian#were important to him in LL. he wasnt alone in LL.#I would say this is partially my fault for people misunderstanding the focus of my alliance metapost#but that has like under 200 notes so its really Not on me tho#prisspeaks#no hate or hard feelings to the people who have been saying this. I Get why you are I really do#its just smth thats been driving me crazy lately. how quickly we forget…#discourse
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foolish me, i thought that posting a work would mean that my wips count decrease
and yet, here i sit, with 16 wips when i used to only have like 12-14. and i currently have all of them open in tabs as i try to see what sparks the ✨vibes✨ and the ✨inspo✨
#is it bus fic? (it should be bus fic)#is it the stabby one or the one where they get separated?#is it the one my partner suggested where they make a pizza?#maybe it's a joel sickfic or one of the other two alterationsverse ideas i have in mind#mayhaps it's a near miss follow up#this is a problem y'all i wanna work on literally all of them at once#fanfic struggles#the last of us fanfiction#joel and ellie#tlou fanfiction#the last of us
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people: “He’s old, find someone your own age”
Him:
me:
#the last of us#last of us#tlou#tlou hbo#the last of us hbo#joel the last of us#joel tlou#pedro pascal#stop telling me I have a problem#I already know
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The first week back in Jackson is a gray blur, and Ellie spends most of it asleep, usually in Joel's bed, sometimes in hers, and on occasion even on the living room couch. A lifetime of exhaustion she hasn't been aware of catches up with her, and no matter how many hours of sleep she gets, its weight remains the same.
Their second week looks pretty much the same, with marginally more time spent outside their bedrooms, but Joel is just as burdened with fatigue as she is, and there is not much they can do when keeping their eyes open takes up all the energy they have. They eat, they sleep, Ellie screams her way out of nightmares, and before either of them is fully aware of it, a whole month has passed and spring is fully blooming in the valley around them.
Maybe that's when it starts, once Joel leaves her behind with a kiss to her hair and a promise to be back soon to go on patrol or help out Tommy with whatever odd jobs they can find - the waiting.
First, it's for him to return, and she reads and draws until she runs out of books and paper, and then she sleeps some more (badly without him around). But the calm quiet that has settled into their house doesn't last long, and soon Ellie finds herself expecting something entirely different.
Neither of them has ever been good at standing still, and she starts pacing before he does, counting the steps across the living room and up the stairs, the seconds it takes her to get to the front door from every possible point of the house, how long it would take her to get to him, and how much time she would have to hide if someone came in through the back, the front, or the roof.
Ellie paces, and once the house starts feeling like a cage, she paces some more.
When will we leave?
She wants to ask him about it every night, watching him while he chats about his day like it is the most normal thing in the world.
When are we going to start running again?
The waiting leaves her lips raw and her cuticles bloody. She starts keeping her knife in her pocket throughout the day, then the night, too, and eventually her bag is packed and ready underneath her bed.
Joel starts leaving his books all over the house, and there's a half-carved guitar in the corner of the living room. He fills his closet and tries to fill hers, too, and she lets him, not that she cares much. There are weekly family dinners and people greeting him on the street, and with every day that slows him down, she becomes more tense.
We can't stay, becomes I can't stay, becomes I don't know how to stay.
When he starts asking questions, she doesn't know how to respond. She doesn't know how to tell him that she is not finished yet and that there has to be more to this than monotonous days and safe patrols, more to her.
All she was, all she could have been, is scattered between Boston and Wyoming, a mountain of ash in Colorado, and school four days a week and more books than she can read aren't enough to fill any of the holes left behind.
Relax, learn how to breathe, becomes we can help you.
Ellie tries, she really does, once she realizes that Joel has no intention of leaving and that for him, this is it, and he is it for her. So she stays.
She learns how to count her breaths instead of steps, how to slow down, how to sleep better, and how to walk down the street without watching her back. It's something, a life she never thought she could have but also one she isn't made for, and Ellie is aware that she never quite fits the way everyone else seems to want her to. Joel does not mind, though, not when she counts floorboards and wall tiles and the time it takes her to sneak down the stairs.
After four months, Ellie discovers the bag Joel keeps in the cupboard under the stairs and the gun in the living room cabinet. There might be family breakfasts and day jobs, but his hands curl into fists over and over and over. They leave their house together, and she is on his right, and he turns his head, looks around, checks his back, and they don't talk about the gun hidden beneath his jacket or the knife in her pocket.
We won't leave, they decide, and Ellie knows he is lying at least a little bit when he says it's fine, and Joel knows she is, too, when she says okay.
He watches, she paces, and although they stand still, they're both always just a little out of breath.
#alex writes tlou#the last of us#tlou#joel and ellie#ellie williams#joel miller#ficlet#they both have ptsd and problems adjusting#what else is new
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oh my god my editor for this fic is the slowest editor that has ever existed
*i am the editor for this fic*
#the problem is i dont know how to end a story so i write and i write and i write#and it's been a week#and i'll no doubt write even more if i hate the ending when i get down to it#i live in a constant state of not wanting to forget a stupid comment made by either tommy or ellie#and if i read through it a billion times to make sure i have everything i'll see a spot where i can make one of them say something else#i prommy its coming#its oddly so connected to graceland too which was not the plan at all but i guess somewhere in my mind while i slept#i was like tommy & ellie graceland too arc#and now i have that in my mind#so my silly fluffy fic turned into something i actually cared about a lot more#because graceland too is special to me#graceland too tommy & ellie arc right before the kyoto joel & ellie arc#anyway theres your obligatory update#its still coming im just slow
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#hi don’t mind me I’m just counting down the hours#(it’s at 2596)#joel miller#tlou joel#tlou hbo#the last of us#the last of us hbo#troy baker#pedro pascal#ellie williams#tlou fanart#tlou part 1#video games#games#tlou#the problem with having daddy issues is I don’t know if I’d rather have him as my father or as my husband 😔#artists on tumblr#illustration#keelidraws
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I'm proud to announce that I have decided to go into credit card debt for a PS5 so I can play the The Last of Us Remake and the The Last of Us Part II Remaster ASAP. I was going to try and wait; I wanted to play The Last of Us Remake, but I knew I could be patient. Then they announced The Last of Us Part II Remaster... Who cares about some credit card debt when this will literally solve all my problems?
#jk not really but still#you can't stop me#I'm doing it#tlou2#tlou2 remaster#tlou remake#ps5#gaming#the last of us#I have a problem#and I am not seeking help at this time#ellie williams#abby anderson#joel miller#the tipsy bison
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So, I was rewatching episode 9 (and I finished watching the play through of part 1), and I've been thinking a lot about the way Joel talks about taking Ellie to the fireflies as they try to find the hospital. I'm sure I'm not saying anything new, but he talks about it like its a quick pit stop. He's clearly ready to turn around and go home, no matter what the cost was to get there. He's talking about their future and their lives together, and playing the guitar.
But Ellie tells him they have to, after all they'd been through and done. She needs all the loss to mean something, for her immunity to mean something, but Joel has this underlying anxiety even before they get to the fireflies, of I've already gained something, I've got her, and I think he was already afraid of her being torn away. Ellie expects to leave too, I’ll follow you wherever you want to go. The sheep farm. The moon. She sounds like she expects it to be quick too, to maybe take a little time, but ultimately be able to pack it up and follow Joel.
Like, maybe its dad senses or reflexes or whatever, but some part of Joel already knew. It wasn’t going to be that easy. There was no easy way to leave Salt Lake City. No matter what, it was going to be a fight.
What did he expect? What was he really thinking about and telling himself? Did he really expect them to draw her blood and let her go? Even if their (very stupid) plan hadn't been to remove her damn brain, they likely would have wanted to keep her. She was meant to be a lab rat no matter what. She’s too valuable to ever let go again. Not until they figured out a vaccine that isn’t even possible.
So, I do wonder what he was telling himself. Or if he really already knew.
Something about it all just feels so inevitable.
#bec talks#the last of us#tlou#joel miller#ellie and joel#don’t mind me im having an emotional night the game made me more upset that I though it would#if this all sounds insane ignore me I’ve been crying since i finished that video lmao#i got my period today also so maybe that’s what the problem is
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new obsession = new url, you gotta know me by now i just can’t help it 🙃
also non url related but i wanted to say that i think i finally managed to balance my days with uni a bit better so i’m gonna be back to giffing a lot more which i’m so excited for bc i’ve missed it!!!
as always, still tracking #noalook
tagging some mutuals, signal boosts would be appreciated 💖
@wandamaximoffs @obiwan @buckley-robin @nick-nellson @nessa007 @yenvengerberg @tylerposey @olivias-cooke @padme-amidala @stars-bean @mcgregor @harrison-ford @maya-hawke @reputation @carricfisher @stydixa @avasillva @tomshiddles @charlie-hunnam @djarin @wednesdayadddms
#url change#yes i have a problem SO WHAT#'m obsessed with joel and ellie :(#also so excited to get fully back into giffing again#i;ve been so busy lately
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havent really been watching mcc too much lately cause the teams werent really my thing but for this one theres so far 3 teams i wanna watch AND I PROBABLY WONT EVEN HAVE MUCH TIME TO WATCH THAT DAY
#etho obviously... but also impulse joel & sneeg is gonna be a fun combo... cub & false team is also great#also technically i will have time the problem is just i have to get up super early the next day#and i need my 8 hours of sleep or i will die. badly#marly talks
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