#stupid human tricks
Note
are humans the only mammals that can eat chocolat? what about reptiles (birds included)?
in general, mammals are the only vertebrate family that has even a few members that can safely process the toxin theobromine and eat chocolate!
these species are basically just humans and a large chunk of the rodent family tree and its relatives (one of these things is not like the others). nothing else can have chocolate though, not fish or birds or turtles or lizards. just these specific mammals.
and here they are together! awwww.
birds are even extra-susceptible to the toxin, meaning that even a very small amount will kill them stone dead!
theobromine is absolutely not messing around. it's a very potent explode-your-heart chemical and it evolved to PREVENT vertebrates from eating cacao seeds, because those are the cacao tree's children and plants show parental love through chemical warfare.
humans don't care, though. humans will eat your children.
so, yeah. this is just another case of humans specifically being very weird.
and that's wonderful.
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
Dear Corporate Overlords:
Okay, okay I just need a moment to bask in the truly monumental, epic levels of tone-deafness going on, ‘cause I can’t stop hyena cackling.
Jeopardy is currently on reruns – they did their full season, good for them. But while they take their well deserved break, it’s reruns. Which means your target demographic is probably gonna include a large amount of, shall we say, enthusiastic trivia buffs. Jeopardy is still selling ad-space, because capitalism, so that meant while we were waiting for the Final Jeopardy question tonight, a new ad came on, in the cutesy-boo fashion of asking an inane question related to said ad.
Today, it was not about car insurance or vitamin supplements. No, it was something* about Galadriel.
Yes, the girl-boss version for the new, hopefully dead on arrival show of awfulness.
The Powers That Be decided it was A Good Idea to advertise on a TRIVIA SHOW for their bad Game of Thrones vibed fiasco wherein they FIRED their own trivia expert(s?).
I don’t even go here, and even I can recognize what a terrible, terrible idea that was.
* I have no idea what. I was too busy howling with laughter at the incongruity to read the screen.
#and then i had to explain to my parents WHY this was so hilarious#whoops#tolkien#jeopardy#stupid human tricks#not back from hiatus yet I just had to inflict this upon folks who would appreciate it
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
Today's unwelcome discovery, which came free with yesterday's bivalent booster, is that fevers can have an emotional component.
I'm familiar with me being touchy/grouchy as a byproduct of the physical load of pain and illness. But this is qualitatively different from "weariness impacting patience and forbearance". This radiating glum pissed off sadness, as physically present as the headache and chills and sore arm -- the fuck, man.
Even the cat can taste it, he's shoved himself against my face and is trying to purr directly into my skull.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
i was playing my custom minecraft pack, and really needed a bucket, and i'm sitting there, thinking about the ceramic bucket mod i decided not to add. and i say to myself, "would it really be right to add a mod, just because i want it?"
BITCH, you made the pack! everything is there because you want it.
1 note
·
View note
Text
Saturday - just for you
How did this species ever invent anything as complicated as a wheel???
There’s a(n alarming) reason we get along so well – see if you can figure it out …
It’s been a tough week, friends. Thank goodness it’s almost over and we get another chance tomorrow. What great and wonderful thing happened in your life this week??? Share it here, among friends.
View On WordPress
0 notes
Text
So I forgot that the number 4 was a thing. How’s your day going?
0 notes
Text
Watch "Sincro Roller - Rainbow - World Skate Games Argentina 2022" on YouTube
youtube
#movement#dance#stupid human tricks#rainbow#magical girls#there sure are some specific things in this world#Youtube
0 notes
Text
Decoy
Zhee stopped abruptly on the raised pathway, making one of many bug-alien hisses. This one was quiet and annoyed. The annoyed part didn’t narrow things down much for me, since he found many things irritating and wasn’t shy about telling the world about it (whichever world we were on at the time), but the quietness seemed significant.
I was glad I hadn’t bumped into him, and not just because he had the package we were supposed to deliver strapped to his back. (I’d volunteered to hold the thing, but he insisted that I keep my hands free since I only had two feet and was that much more likely to fall into the swamp. I’d wanted to argue that, but didn’t).
“What’s wrong?” I asked in an undertone.
“Them,” Zhee hissed, peering around a tower of sprouting plants and decaying wood that had once been a massive tree. The path curved off in that direction, blocked from view.
I crept forward for a look. Voices murmured. Then something splashed, and people were complaining loudly.
There on the path ahead of us were three Mesmers, all varying shades of gem-bedecked green to Zhee’s purple, waving their pincher arms about in irritation while a Frillian stood to one side with a fancy hovercart full of supplies and a long-suffering expression. The water rippled next to a half-submerged log. I wondered if one of them had thrown something or if a local creature had jumped in. Two of the Mesmers were holding bits of tech that I didn’t recognize from a distance.
Zhee was still hissing. “Why are they here, of all places? Blocking my way instead of getting on each other’s nerves literally anywhere else?”
“Who are they?” I asked. They hadn’t spotted us yet, busy as they were with complaining more than Zhee ever did.
“Rich idiots from my hatching year,” he grumbled. “They are not going to make this interaction pleasant.”
I looked around the swamp, with all its murky water and sparse trees. “We can’t really go around, can we?” The walkway was the only sign of civilization. While it was plenty wide for people to pass each other, even with hovercarts, it was the only one in eyesight. There weren’t even stepping stones.
“No,” Zhee said. “Wading through the water wouldn’t do us any good; we’d still be in sight.”
“I’m not even sure it’s shallow enough to wade through,” I said, eyeballing the water. It had all manner of algae and alien moss floating in it.
“It is,” Zhee told me. “I’ve delivered here before. But they’ll see us either way.”
“What are they even doing?” I asked. It seemed too much to hope that they’d just leave if we waited a few minutes.
Zhee jabbed a pincher into the soft bark of the stump. “Nature photography. Looking for rare specimens with their expensive cameras. Probably on the trail of a Shrieking Tatterwing or Hooting Fungus.”
“There’s a fungus that hoots?”
Zhee angled his antennae into a frown at me. “It’s an animal. Just looks like fungus.”
“Got it.”
Neither of us moved for a moment, just watching the trio of spangly birdwatchers and their assistant who probably wasn’t paid enough to deal with them. They really did argue a lot. As far as I could tell, the three of them were having two different debates at once: whose fault it was that the water creature had fled, and whether the glimpse of a wingbeat in the distance was worth leaving the path to investigate.
That gave me an idea. “Hey, are they likely to go off after a sound they haven’t heard before? Or something they can’t quite place?”
Zhee gave me a look. “Are you thinking of imitating an animal call from your planet?”
“Yeah. Either verbally or—” I leaned over the water to pluck something like a blade of grass from a spray of plantlife. “I can make a pretty sharp bird call with this.”
Zhee’s alien face regarded me, tilting slightly. “How?”
“Like this.” I stretched it taut between my thumbs, in the way I’d learned to do as an outdoorsy kid. There was just enough of a gap between my knuckles. With all my fingers spread wide, I blew through the gap, and it made a piercing shriek that could have been a bird.
The Mesmers looked around; Zhee and I shrank back out of sight. I adjusted the grass and tried again, this time getting a warbly call that sounded like a duck with a stuffy nose.
When I held my silence, I heard a heated debate over what kind of creature had made the sounds, and whether they came from the same one or two different beasts. But the argument wrapped up quickly with the reminded that they really were here to find a Hooting Fungus.
“Knew it,” Zhee said.
“This is worth a shot, then.” I let the grass flutter to the pathway and laced my fingers together into another childhood favorite. With my hands cupped around nothing and as airtight as I could make them, I again blew into the gap between my thumbs, this time just the top half. The air circled through into a satisfying hoot.
They got very excited at that.
“I told you! I caught a glimpse over there!”
“It sounded like it came from more over this way; it must have moved!”
“Hurry, before it moves farther out!”
Two splashes, then a third, and I was grinning in delighted surprise at Zhee. The quiet burble of a hover engine reached my ears as the Frillian took the sensible route off-road after them.
After a few moments, we peeked around the stump. There they went, off into the murk, complaining and shushing each other and aiming their cameras upward. Soon enough they were out of sight behind more trees.
Zhee stepped forward. “Well,” he said. “That was shockingly successful.”
“You’re welcome,” I said happily.
We strolled along the empty pathway, with plenty of time to get our delivery there in time.
Zhee said, “You should make those noises on the ship when no one’s watching. See if they think an animal got in.”
I looked at him in amusement. “You’re only saying that because you already know what it is.”
“Yes,” he said haughtily, which made me laugh.
“I’ll consider it,” I said, already thinking about what other animal calls I could bring out when my alien crewmates least expected.
~~~
The ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book. More to come! And I am currently drafting a sequel!
#my writing#The Token Human#these are definitely Stupid Human Tricks that I have gotten a lot of mileage out of#nothing like a little autobiographical inspiration#in many ways this character is the me that 5-year-old me planned to grow up into#having a grand time#haso#hfy#eiad#humans are weird#humans are space orcs#mimicry
221 notes
·
View notes
Text
Stupid Human Tricks - Late Night with David Letterman (1987)
#late night with david letterman gif#stupid human tricks gif#late show tv#retro television#scott vassil#cooling fan#NBC#1980s#1987#gif#chronoscaph gif
190 notes
·
View notes
Note
Humans sure seem to eat a lot of things that are poison to most other animals. Chocolate, garlic, onions, grapes, avocados, etc. But then there's capsaicin, which I think doesn't affect birds but IS a poison to humans but then we eat it anyway?? Is there anything else we eat that's fine for (some) animals but is bad for us but we eat it anyway? Why are we like this.
capsaicin actually isn't poisonous to humans, it even has a bunch of beneficial medical effects like reducing inflammation! it IS an effective fungicide and insecticide, but eating capsaicin is not at all actually poisonous to humans even in large quantities.
it just also causes extreme pain.
it does this by directly chemically activating the ouch-I'm-on-fire nerve endings in your mouth, which is a deliberate ploy to keep you from eating the pepper fruit!
at least it was before humans got ahold of it and started deliberately cultivating them to be even hotter.
humans are just freaks and decided that they liked that. that's all.
the other stuff is just a bonus!
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
that screenshot from twitter of their clasped hands during the mardi gras dance. i don’t even know how i feel about this. i have exactly zero thoughts about it . not even in a horny way. i’m just struck silent. like. okay. sure.
#i just know that in like betsy’s human college au lestat sees some sorority girls doing the let’s compare hand sizes flirting trick and is#like Louwie give me your hand 🖐️ haha your fingers are much smaller than mine blah blah#and louis is like shut up you’re stupid . but then he thinks about it for the next five weeks#this is so embarrassing i wish i could hide my posts from specific people like on instagram 🤦🏻#iwtv
311 notes
·
View notes
Text
made a ninjago oc but all it wants to do is party
its name is WULFTRAX (all caps) and it’s playing this with zane extra info belooowww
pronouns: IT'S PRONOUNCED WOLF TRACKS LITTLE MAN (it/he/they)
species: WULFTRAX. digital? like, it HAS skin, and a skeleton, presumably, just… not a human head.
likes: game, rave
dislikes: no rave
wants: to party
character motivation: biggest loudest party
backstory: we think it came from prime empire, but that’s all we got. maybe an unused rhythm game dj…?
strengths: WULFTRAX does everything at 100%, and it doesn’t tend to stick around after a fight. it isn't fighting to win, it's fighting to go hogwild. on its back are one to six doc ock-like arms made of wire and interwoven with the stuff in season 9 that triggered everyone’s elemental powers.
weaknesses: can only attack on the beat, will only fight if there’s music. it’s actually not that strong, its robot arms and machinery do all the fighting. it prefers to fight/party using someone else — elementals party pretty hard, all their colors and glowing and exploding is its favorite.
alignment: very chaotic neutral. it does things on impulse and regardless of morals. he doesn’t seem to want to hurt anyone, just wants to party, and if hurting someone is how you gotta party, shrug! you can sway him pretty easily with the promise of a better rave. it’s not that clever, there is no scheming with this thing, but it does somehow get a lot of machinery and builds massive batteries and speakers and light shows
speech conventions: IT TALKS LIKE A FRAT BOY MET A CHRONICALLY ONLINE GAMER. NOT THE MOST COMPLICATED SENTENCES LMAO.
it also yells like everything it says due to the speakers in its mouth. its favorite people to mess with are kai, jay and lloyd. they have the shiniest explodiest powers, and are more split-second competitive.
#WULFTRAX#my art#‘I have made an oc to help/be friends with the ninja’ I have made an oc to fight them. I have made an oc to pummel them#people have done this before HAHDIDBDHDH except WULFTRAX is 1) a horrible fighter and 2) stupid#ninjago#ninjago oc#honestly it’s definitely someone you could/should use as a henchman. He won’t even realize. He will also destroy your lair#and then go OH MY BAD DUDE and that’s the end of that topic. Now it’s in your fridge#the second two images — it wanted to play DDR with jay and then went BRO YOU WANNA HELP WITH THIS SET so now Zane tricked it into -#bargaining to let jay out of the battery and it immediately agreed and then said WE’RE PLAYING OSU and didn’t leave room for argument so#now zane is playing a rhythm game he’s never played to let jay AND KAI out of the batteries and stop the rest of them from dying in#human osu! which was going to be its dance floor (it forgot people die when they’re hit by lightning)#And ALSO now they should probably stop it from holding the most dangerous rave#if the stuff they have is enough to send an elemental into superpowered overdrive it’s probably not healthy for a regular dude#as a meta note.#it’s obsessed w thrillseeking and adrenaline because he’s been alone for so so long that any new sensations are obsession-worthy#obsessed with feeling things and being real. doesn’t know how to regulate its obsession with something bc it has no sense of moderation#its primary purpose is to make big noise big party like programmed into it is its DJ sets. So now it makes the biggest loudest brightest#sets not understanding that this much noise/power can hurt someone or itself bc hurt is in fact an interesting sensation to it#it doesn’t KNOW this or underSTAND it. And it wouldn’t listen if told. BUT! that’s its pathology#IT HAS NO CONCEPT OF DEATH THERE IS NO THIS IS TOO DANGEROUS. THERE IS ONLY DA PORTY#it and porty mk would be besties#rule of cool with this thing. its cars are big its sets are big its music is loud and it’s got a giant flamethrower and a piano to drop#It broke from its programming but that doesn’t mean it broke from its programming yfeel#hrmmm.... yes........ self indulgent shiny loud digital dogmanthing#ill tag three of em theyre getting situations#kai smith#zane julien#jay walker
519 notes
·
View notes
Text
Reddit is wild. Just had someone try to start a 3 year old argument back up, and call me salty for replying to point out what absolutely unhinged behaviour that was.
0 notes
Text
why do you need so much shittttt
#context im watching restocking videos and dude u don’t need 10 sponges nor 6 detergents#like bro whyyyy#<- ik why but it’s still stupid#also ur zucchinis are going to shrivel and die if you keep them like that in your fridge#IT ALREADY HAS A PACKAGE WHY DO YOU NEED ANOTHER ONEEEE#THATS TOO MANY CANDIES DUDE ITS ONLY YOU AND THE DOG R U TRICK OR TREATING IN THE MIDDLEOF JANUARY OR WHAT#good asmr tho#loopsie complains about the ways of humans
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
#fantastic four#human torch#johnny storm#the thing#ben grimm#mr fantastic#reed richards#stupid reed tricks#stan lee#jack kirby#marvel comics
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
like it’s VERY very important to not text and drive. and i understand how dangerous it is to do that and to be distracted at all in any way for any amount of time on the road. i know it’s important to learn about these stories and bear witness to them. but i just think. like idk. watching multiple of them every day for 10 days (with a two day break halfway through for the weekend) is realy… like idk. i think after seeing a couple you can get the point. i don’t want to sound dismissive or lackadaisacal and im scared im sounding like that but i just am so freaked out by all of this and witb every new horror they’re showing us it’s scaring me worse.
#purrs#delete later#car accidents tw#death tw#child death tw#ask to tag#drivers ed tag#like this sucks so bad. we go from watching a video about how to drive in the city… to a 10 minute vid of a man talking abt how he hit and#killed 3 kids and it shows a PICTURE OF THE SCENE OF THE ACCIDENT WITH BLOOD AND EVERYTHING… and then after the video we immediately start#talking about like. fucking street cleaners and how you have to watch out for them. HOW is the video about the kids being hit and killed#part of the flow of the learning. what purpose does it serve. and it’s like these are REAL PEOPLE who died. real kids who existed. and it#just feels kind of fucked up. maybe it’s more fucked up thst im not following the flow and accepting the weight of it but it’s hard to when#im scared as fuck and just want to not be shown gore videos anymore. and then once we pick up the content again like abt street cleaners and#shit i can’t focus on any content bc i have to wind down from seeing the dead bodies and hearing the letter the parents wrote. like how is t#this helping. maybe it’s landing / more necessary for the 16 year olds but im 24. i am a whole adult. i do not take being alive for granted#i am terrified of death and dying and painfully aware of how fragile human beings are and how easy it is to be in danger. this is not#helping me or sending me a message it’s just making me so scared and terrified to even leave the house and unable to stop thinking about#death or injury lol!!! and i can’t tell them to stop and i can’t quit bc i need my fucking license so i have to just put my head down and#do this but it sucks indescribably. and we also saw one of those trick videos again too that makes you feel stupid bc it tells you to count#the number of lkke. things you see and it turns out i missed a few AND they were like did you notice what was going on in the background snd#i didn’t bc i was too busy counting the fucking things they told us to. i want to SCREAM. this makes me feel so stupid and helpless lolllll#<- as i was typing that we were learning about the chance of survival if you are hit by a car at different speeds! bc that’s relevant 😍😍😍😍😍😍#anyways. my therapist was telling me stuff abt how i need to remember this isn’t targeted for me and i need to regulate my nervous system an#and how to calm down when it triggers me but i forgot everything she said literally 5 hours ago and now im here freaking the fuck out so. 🥰
15 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
travelingstrange
Strange Travelers
masasibling
No Regrets
cl0ckworkpuppet
jordan robin 1312
wildflower-in-a-field-of-roses
Heather|31|L&D Nurse|🏳️🌈
xiupop
Water you doing here