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sushigirlali · 6 years

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Finding You - Part VIII (Reylo Fanfic)

Part I - Part II - Part III - Part IV - Part V - Part VI - Part VII - Part VIII - Part IX

Summary: Unseen forces move against Kylo Ren from within the First Order as he struggles to unravel Snoke’s deceptions / Rey must balance her relationship with Ben Solo and her dedication to the cause that opposes him / Leia Organa makes a desperate plea to an old friend in a last ditch effort to restore the Resistance. Pairing: Rey x Kylo Ren/Ben Solo [Reylo] [ReyBen] Continuity: Set directly after Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi ends. Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or anything that relates to Star Wars.

A/N: Hello again, friends! I'm not sure how often I'll be updating due to some deadlines at work, but I have a few more chapters outlined and wanted to get this one to you in the meantime. The next two chapters will be paired with the song Supernatural by Kesha from the Warrior album. You can find me on FanFiction.net and AO3 as sushigirlali as well. Enjoy!

Finding You - Part VIII By: sushigirlali

Baby when we're touching in the dark, can you feel it? I can hear the pounding of my heart, can you feel it? When you take my body to the stars, I believe it Boy this love is supernatural, can you feel it?

Rey held her breath as the Millennium Falcon made its final approach toward Naboo's planetary shield gate. She hoped that Lando's contact had come through, or else this trip was about to come to an abrupt end. Stationed behind the topside quad laser cannon, Rey could only look up into open space while she waited for news.

After what seemed like an eternity, she let out a relived sigh as Lando informed them that the massive gate was retracting, creating an opening big enough for their ships to pass through.

"We're heading in." Lando said over the headset. "Commander, protect our flank."

"On it, General." Poe answered.

"Rey, Ben, stay frosty." Lando instructed.

They responded in the affirmative, checking and rechecking their loadouts and scopes. If the Falcon were to be attacked, the quad laser cannons on the top and bottom of the ship would be their first line of defense.

"How does it look from your position?" Rey asked Ben through their bond.

"Visual is clear. I don't sense anything, either. How about you?" He replied.

"Nothing." She confirmed. "I know I shouldn't be looking for a disturbance in the Force, but…"

"We'll get her." Ben said reassuringly. "Let's just try to focus on one thing at a time."

"She almost killed you." Rey said angrily. "That makes her my top priority."

Ben chuckled. "I love you."

"I know." Rey said smugly.

They passed through the gate with little fanfare, and proceeded to the surface of Naboo. With nothing on the scope as they entered the atmosphere, it appeared that they had succeeded in slipping onto the planet undetected.

"We're clear to land, you guys can come down if you want." Lando encouraged.

Rey excitedly scrambled down the shaft leading back into the main interior of the Falcon, passing a bemused Ben on the way. She rushed into the cockpit, watching in amazement as the lush planet came into focus. Miles and miles of green grass and rolling hills covered in wildflowers stretched before her, and the majestic mountains were bisected by beautiful seas and lakes, all the same magnificent shade of sapphire.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Ben said, coming up behind her.

"The most magnificent planet I've ever seen." Rey said in awe. "Have you ever been here before?"

"Only in my dreams." Ben replied softly in her mind.

Before she could inquire about that mysterious statement, Lando turned to look at them.

"The Naberries have a family estate in a mountain village outside the capital city of Theed." Lando said, bringing them up to speed. "The village is a small, close-knit community, so we should be safe there."

"But I thought these people had money. Why keep a homestead in such an isolated place?" Finn asked, poking his head into the cockpit.

"When I last spoke to Pooja, she told me that the family had retained the property all these years in case the planet was ever occupied again, and they needed a place to hide." Leia explained.

"That makes sense." Ben said. "Although it's not widely known that my grandmother's family is related to the Skywalker line, it wouldn't be difficult to piece together."

"Exactly." Leia agreed. "Being associated with my birth father's name can be dangerous."

"That's why you never took the Skywalker surname." Ben realized for the first time. "Not because you were trying to hide my heritage from me, but because you were trying to protect me."

"Of course, sweetheart." Leia said gently. "We can talk about this more later, if you'd like. We're almost on the ground."

"Oh, uh, sure." Ben coughed, realizing that the entire team was listening to their personal conversation.

"It's okay, they understand." Rey said kindly. "Most of us would kill to know more about our families, if given the chance."

"I know." Ben said sadly, thinking of his friends. Rey and Finn and Rose had lost a lot, too.

"We'll be landing in a few minutes." Lando said smoothly, interrupting his thoughts. "You three head back to the lounge and buckle up. Keep your headsets on."

Rey, Ben, and Finn did as he asked, taking seats with Rose at the Dejarik table and strapping in. A short time later, Lando and Chewy put the Falcon down gracefully in a small clearing surrounded by massive trees on all sides. The canopy was so thick that the anyone passing overhead would have a hard time spotting the famous ship.

"All clear here. Poe?" Lando said.

"Clear." Poe responded. "No hostiles in sight."

"Alright, let's get off this hunk of junk and head to the estate. It'll be dark soon, and we have some ways to walk." Lando directed.

Come, take me by the hand Wanna cross the line, baby go ahead Till the morning light, watch my silhouette 'Cause you know tonight, we're gonna wake the dead

The Naberrie estate was beautiful, but modest for a family of such wealth and influence. The large manor house sat in the shadow of a verdant mountain, three stories tall with numerous arches fronting a wraparound porch. The façade was covered with large picture windows, embroidered with swirling wrought iron frames.

The terracotta colored walls were set against a dark brown barrel tile roof, which slanted over a second story balcony artfully covered in vines. A bubbling fountain sat in front of the house in the middle of a rectangular garden, surrounded by fruit trees and a colorful array of cultivated flowers.

Rey sighed blissfully, tightening her hand in Ben's to get his attention.

"It must have been lovely to grow up here." She said wistfully.

"I imagine so." Ben replied. "My mother and uncle should have been born here, but fate intervened. I wonder if my parents would've brought me here someday, if things had been…different."

"I'm sorry, Ben." Rey said apologetically. "I didn't mean to be insensitive."

"Not at all." He said warmly. "I just mean that Naboo would be a great place to raise a family."

Rey stopped walking and stared up at him, blushing.

"Do you really think so?" She said hopefully.

"I do." Ben said, smiling a little self-consciously.

Rey beamed up at him, her eyes glassy.

"Does he think what?" Lando asked from a few feet away.

"Nothing!" Rey and Ben said together in a high-pitched denial, turning back toward their amused compatriots.

"Doesn't look like nothing." Lando teased.

"We're having a private conversation." Ben said defensively. "It's none of your business!"

"But you barely said anything!" Lando shook his head. "I swear, it's like you two can read each other's minds sometimes."

"That's because they can read each other's minds." Finn informed him.

"Even across great distances!" Rose said cheerfully. "It's so romantic."

"And really annoying when you're trying to get them to pay attention during briefings." Poe added playfully.

"No kidding!" Lando laughed. "You Jedi are always full of surprises. How does—"

But Lando was interrupted as the enormous oak front door suddenly opened and a light-haired woman rushed out.

"Pooja!" Leia called happily as her cousin hurried to her with open arms.

"Leia!" Pooja Naberrie cried in return.

Lando winked at Rey and Ben as the women embraced, letting them off the hook for now, and moved to join the former senators to introduce himself. Finn, Rose, and Poe waited close by, still chuckling.

"When do you want to tell them?" Ben asked, taking her hand again as they walked toward his relatives.

"About our engagement, you mean?" Rey smiled sweetly at him. "As soon as you'd like."

"Today then?" Ben inquired, tensing.

Rey felt the change in him and looked up quizzically. "Did you think I wanted to hide it?"

"Well, it's been three days and you haven't told anyone, not even Finn, so I just thought…maybe you didn't want to yet?" Ben probed hesitantly.

"Ben." Rey said in exasperation. "I'm sorry I've been distracted, but of course I want to tell our friends. I want to tell everyone!"

Ben caressed her cheek, giving her a heart-stopping smile. "I love you."

"Well, in that case…!"

Rey stepped up next to Leia, dragging Ben along with her.

"Hi, I'm Rey!" She directed at Pooja. "And this is my fiancé, Ben."

"Ben? Leia's Ben? Ben Solo?" Pooja stuttered while Leia and Lando looked on in shock.

"One in the same." Rey confirmed, a little worried about the older woman's reaction.

But as Pooja's mouth split into a wide smile, Rey realized that everything was going to be okay.

"I'm so pleased to meet you both! I had heard that you were lost to us, Ben, like my aunt's husband once was. But look at you now! And with such a lovely fiancé!" Pooja grinned at Rey, who blushed under her intense scrutiny.

"Hold on!" Leia exclaimed, recovering her voice. She looked from her son to Rey and back again. "You're engaged?!"

"We are." Ben admitted. "I asked Rey a few days ago."

"I'm sorry that we didn't tell you sooner." Rey added ruefully. "And that I kind of just blurted it out."

"It's been a crazy couple of days." Ben defended his lady. "We were going to tell you today, anyway, but, well…"

"I jumped the gun." Rey flushed.

Leia burst out laughing as Ben and Rey continued to awkwardly explain themselves.

"Oh, who cares about any of that! Come here, you two!" Leia reached out, pulling Rey and Ben into a warm hug. "I'm so happy for you." She said sincerely.

"Thank you, mother." Ben murmured, holding tightly to the two most important people in his life.

"Thank you, Leia." Rey breathed. "I promise I'll take good care of him."

Leia pulled back, beaming. "You'll take good care of each other."

"You sure didn't waste any time, son." Lando joked as they broke apart. "Must be Han's influence!"

"I was the one who proposed to Han, I'll have you know." Leia said boasted. "As far as romantic gestures go, Ben clearly got that from me."

Rey burst out laughing, leaning against Ben's chest as he tried not to think about his parents being romantic.

"What's so funny?" Finn asked as he and the others joined the group.

"They're engaged." Lando pointed between Rey to Ben. "I'd say that qualifies."

"Engaged?!" Finn, Rose, and Poe all exclaimed.

Rey looked at Ben as their friends erupted in well wishes and an endless stream of playful insults.

"Well, you wanted them to know, didn't you?" Rey teased.

"Yeah, I guess I did. What was I thinking?" Ben laughed as Rey rolled her eyes at him. "Thanks for taking the lead when I was feeling insecure." He said more seriously.

"We're going to share a life together." Rey told him. "Your burdens are my burdens."

"Not too long ago I feared that my burdens would consume you, but I know now that they won't." Ben confessed. "You're too strong, and you make me stronger just by being with you."

"I love you." Rey said, touched by his words.

"I know." Ben smirked.

Rey hit him in the arm, still laughing as Pooja directed them inside the manor. As the big wooden doors closed behind them, Rey couldn't help but feel like this was a new beginning for all of them. She could see the faint outline of a future of hope and love and family. Of balance. And she would do everything within her power to obtain it.

Get a little bit wrong, get a little bit wild Get a little bit high off of this love tonight Get a little bit raw, come a little undone Get a little bit reckless, I can't get enough

Pooja led a tour of her ancestral home after everyone had calmed down from Rey and Ben's exciting news. The interior was just as lovely as the exterior, owing much to the bevy of windows stretching from one side of the home to the other.

In the main entertainment space, the natural light filtering inside added a soft glow to the deep amber walls, making the color seem almost molten. Yards of burgundy and gold silk curtains bordered every window, falling to the floor in graceful arrangements. The mahogany furniture was antique, but well kept, with clean lines and plush cushions in various shades of red.

Having never thought much about interior design back on Jakku, Rey was enchanted by the family's stylish aesthetic. Wondering away from the group, Rey inspected several small painted tables that littered the cream and tan marble floors. Not only where they beautiful works of art, but they held a number of fascinating trinkets and books that Rey itched to get her hands on.

"I still can't believe that you didn't tell me." Finn pouted, breaking into her musings.

"Honestly, I was too consumed with this mission, and Kali's escape, to think about it much." Rey said sheepishly.

"But aren't you excited?" Rose questioned quietly as she joined them, trying not to draw attention to their conversation.

"Ben is my soulmate." Rey said simply. "Being with him is like breathing. I do it because I have to in order to live. Sometimes I take it for granted that other people don't know how deeply we feel for each other."

"I'm still getting to know him, but it seems like Ben has turned a corner. Not just with you, but with the Resistance in general." Finn said, sounding impressed. "He seems like a completely different person now."

"Snoke really did a number on him, and Luke's mistake didn't help, but Ben knows that he's just as much to blame for his actions. I think that's motivating him to try harder, to really make connections with people." Rey said thoughtfully.

"I know it's not my place to ask this, but I care about you, and I only want what's best for you." Finn started hesitantly.

"What is it?" Rey asked curiously.

"You're still very young." Finn stated. "Do you really think it's wise to tie yourself to Ben before you've had a chance to spread your wings a little? Before Ben's rehabilitation is assured?"

"Finn, I appreciate where you're coming from, I really do. But, Ben and I are already married in my heart. We're intrinsically linked by the Force, on a spiritual level." Rey explained gently. "Ben and I are two parts of the same whole, and I couldn't separate myself from him now even if I wanted to."

Finn nodded in acceptance. "I thought it might be something like that. I don't fully understand your bond, but I'm here to support you."

Rey hugged him gratefully. "Thank you, Finn."

"Wow!" Rose exhaled as Rey stepped back. "I didn't realize how deep your connection went! It sounds amazing!"

"It is pretty great, most of the time." Rey said, eyeing Ben from across the room where he sat with Leia and Pooja. "Expect, of course, when your would-be husband is ease dropping."

"He can hear us?" Rose gasped.

"He can hear my thoughts, so he's getting my side of this conversation." Rey told her, sticking her tongue out at Ben.

Ben pretended not to notice, but his suppressed smirk gave him away.

"I know you're listening." Rey said in mock anger.

Ben looked over then, cupping his ear as if he couldn't hear her.

"Very funny." Rey said sarcastically.

Finn and Rose fell together, laughing at their antics, drawing the attention of their host.

"I do love hearing the sound of laughter in this old house again." Pooja smiled, standing up. "But now I think it's time to show you all to your rooms and get ready for dinner. I'm starving!"

Lando flushed as his stomach chose that moment to rumble loudly in agreement.

"Don't worry, General, I'll feed you up." Pooja flirted, pulling him along with her.

"Actually, Pooja, I'd like to introduce Rey and Ben to Ryoo before dinner, if you don't mind." Leia said to Pooja meaningfully. "Is she here?"

"For—oh!" Pooja caught on, looking between Ben and Rey. "Certainly! She had an appointment in the village a few hours ago, but she should be back in the clinic by now. It's on the first floor toward the back of the house."

"Yes, I remember passing it when we first arrived." Leia said.

"I'll show this lot to their rooms while you, ah, meet with Ryoo." Pooja said with a secret smile.

Rey and Ben looked at Leia and Pooja, then at each other.

"What was that all about?" Rey wondered.

"No idea." Ben replied. "But let's go find out."

Ben and Rey followed Leia out of the room, determined to figure out what was going on. She led them down one flight of stairs to the first floor before locating the entrance to Ryoo's clinic. Ben held the door open for Rey and Leia, who murmured their thanks as they passed.

A small dark-haired woman looked up from the datapad she was pouring over, her eyes lighting up with recognition.

"Leia! My goodness!" Ryoo jumped up, coming over to them.

"Hello, Ryoo." Leia smiled, hugging the shorter woman.

"When did you arrive?" Ryoo asked.

"Earlier this afternoon." Leia said.

"Oh! And here I've been puttering around in my lab!" Ryoo laughed. "I hope my little sister showed you all around? I had to see a patient today, she's due any moment, or else I would have been here earlier."

"No need to apologize, Pooja has been a good sport in your absence." Leia waved away. "This is my son, Ben, and his fiancé, Rey."

"Ben? Ben Solo?" Ryoo looked at him warily. "I thought you were…?" She trailed off questioningly.

"I was." Ben said steadily.

"But you're not now?" Ryoo queried.

"No." Ben replied bluntly.

"And why is that?"

"Because of her." Ben glanced down at Rey softly.

Ryoo studied them, as if working out a particularly difficult equation. "How you'd manage this miracle, young lady?"

"I love him." Rey said simply.

Ryoo laughed at Rey's straightforward explanation. "Yeah, that'll do it." Ryoo smiled gently, extending her hand. "It's nice to meet you both."

Rey felt Ben's wave of relief through their bond. She was glad that Ryoo and Pooja had accepted him so easily, but she supposed it helped that they had never know him personally while he was on the dark side.

"So, you're a doctor?" Rey asked, looking around the pristine clinic.

"Yes. An obstetrician, actually." Ryoo told her.

"A what?" Rey asked, never having heard the term.

"I specialize in pregnancy and childbirth." Ryoo informed her.

"Actually, Ryoo, that's why I wanted Rey and Ben to meet with you today." Leia started carefully. "Rey, I was wondering if you would be interested in having a blood test to see if you're…well…" Leia motioned toward her stomach.

Rey's eyes went wide at Leia's insinuation. "I'm not!" She squeaked, embarrassed.

"Not what?" Ben looked perplexed.

"Rey." Leia said in exasperation.

"I would know." Rey said with certainty.

"But wouldn't it be better to know for sure?"

"I do know for sure. My connection with the Force—"

"Is strong, I know. But I've been alive a lot longer than you've been communing with the Force, Rey. Nothing is foolproof." Leia said seriously.

"Okay, what are you two talking about?" Ben cut in.

"Your mother wants me to take a pregnancy test!" Rey said in a high-pitched voice.

"But she's not pregnant." Ben supplied at once, red-faced. "I would know."

Leia threw her hands up. "Well, you two just know everything then, don't you?!"

"Mother, it's not like that. We just—"

"You can't go around having unprotected sex and not expect there to be consequences. Your father and I—"

"Mother!"

"I'll do it." Rey interrupted, wanting to prevent a fight.

"You will?" Ben and Leia asked together.

"It would be better to know for sure." Rey repeated Leia's words.

Leia smiled at her. "Thank you, Rey."

"Would you like to be inoculated with a preventative measure as well?" Ryoo inquired, pulling on a pair of gloves. "It would last for about a year."

"Ben, what do you think?" Rey gripped his hand for support.

"I think you should do what you're comfortable with." He said supportively.

"I do want a family with you, someday." Rey smiled shyly, tugging his hand toward her middle.

"I want that too." Ben affirmed, kissing her reverently as he caressed her stomach.

"But not today." Leia broke in wryly.

Ben pulled back and looked his mother sheepishly. "No, not today."

"In that case, step into my office, Rey." Ryoo said, indicating a raised platform with a comfortable looking white neoprene chair sitting upon it.

Ryoo tied an elastic tourniquet around Rey's upper left arm, tapping a vein in the crook of her arm. Looking satisfied, the doctor picked up a cylindrical device from the tray next to the chair, moving forward to draw Rey's blood. Rey tensed as Ryoo pushed the device into her skin, but she didn't feel a thing.

"That's it?" Rey asked in surprise as Ryoo pulled back a few seconds later.

"That's it." Ryoo confirmed. "Not too bad, huh?"

Ryoo walked over to a large, complicated looking machine on the counter, tipping the vial inside. The data screen on the machine lit up within a few seconds, declaring that Rey was firmly not with child.

Despite themselves, Rey and Ben let out a collective breath, laughing as their eyes met.

"Now, there's just the matter of administering the birth control inoculation." Ryoo reminded her.

Ryoo rubbed a small amount of disinfectant on Rey's upper arm, then injected her with a bright green liquid. It tingled slightly afterword, but seemed harmless enough.

"Feel better now?" Rey teased Leia.

"Yes, I do." Leia said, relieved. "I'm not trying to run your lives, but take it from me, having a child during such political unrest is a dangerous proposition."

"I hadn't thought about it that way." Ben contemplated. "I guess it was hard for you to raise a child in the aftermath of the Empire's destruction?"

Leia smiled at her son. "Yes, but I never regretted it."

Ben smiled back. "Thanks, mom."

"Let's get back to the others, I'm sure dinner will be ready soon." Leia said. "Ryoo, can you show us the way?"

"Certainly." Ryoo beamed. "Let's eat!"

Come, take me in the night I feel it in my blood, want the darker side Baby when we touch, look me in the eyes Poison me with love, I'll bring you back to life

After dinner, Rey retired to the room she was sharing with Ben while he had a private conversation with his mother. The chamber was large and a little overwhelming in its opulence, but she was slowly getting used to her beautiful surroundings on Naboo. Life on the lush planet was definitely a far cry from the abject poverty of Jakku. Still, while growing up as a scavenger hadn't been easy, Rey was glad for the experience. The hardships she faced on the desert planet had prepared her well for her new life with the resistance.

Running a hand over the hunter green and silver comforter, she admired the finely woven brocade fabric. Her sleeping arrangements had never mattered much up until now, but Rey was looking forward to relaxing with Ben in such a luxurious atmosphere. Being alone with him had become her favorite part of the day.

The way he made her feel was beyond anything she'd ever experienced. Not just in a sexual way, although that was a huge factor, but in an emotional one. She had been alone for so long, but now she had someone to share her life with. Someone she could trust and depend on. Someone to love, and love her in return. The certainty she felt about their relationship was the greatest gift she had ever received.

Rey looked up when the door suddenly opened, beaming as Ben entered the room. He was so good to look at, especially now, as he shed his father's jacket, stretching the fabric of his shirt across his muscular chest enticingly.

"I'm sorry I took so long, but I had a few things to discuss with my mother." Ben said, apologetically.

Rey just smiled welcomingly and walked forward, meeting him in the middle of the room. Slipping her arms around his neck, Rey pulled his mouth to hers without further ado, kissing him thoroughly. Ben groaned against her lips, his arms contracting around her. They kissed for endless moments, just enjoying each other's company.

"I love you so much." Rey said when she pulled back, her eyes glassy.

Ben traced the path of a single tear as it slid down her cheek.

"You were listening?" Ben asked, crestfallen. "I wanted it to be a surprise."

"Listening to what?" Rey asked, perplexed.

"My mother and I. I asked her for—" Ben stopped as he registered her confused expression. "If you weren't listening, why are you crying? What's upset you?" Ben framed her face, pushing her hair back tenderly.

"I'm not upset." Rey reassured him. "Quite the contrary, actually. I was just thinking about you; about how much you mean to me."

Ben kissed her gently. "I love you, too."

"I know." Rey said impishly. "Now, what were you talking to your mother about?"

"Pooja gave her a trunk of my grandparent's old things." Ben murmured, taking a deep breath before kneeling in front of her. "I want to give you everything you've always wanted."

"Ben, we're already engaged." Rey said bemusedly.

"Yes, but last time, I didn't have a ring." Ben said softly.

Rey trembled as Ben produced a beautiful amethyst solitaire, surrounded by a row of diamonds on each side of the white gold band.

"My grandmother was never able to wear her wedding ring in public since she and my grandfather married in secret." Ben said solemnly. "I don't want that; I want to be with you in the light. This ring was meant to be a declaration of love, and now it will be."

Ben blurred in her vision as he slid the ring onto her finger. Sinking to her knees as well, Rey threw her arms around his neck, burying her face against his shirt with a muffled sob. Ben held her closely, running a comforting hand up and down her back.

The way he had put the proposal shattered her. After emulating Darth Vader for most of his life, Ben was finally able to see the man underneath. Although Anakin Skywalker had fallen to the dark side, and lost his family as a result, she knew that would not be Ben Solo's fate. Not if she had anything to say about it!

"There's something else I wanted to ask." Ben started hesitantly when she quieted.

Rey pulled back slightly, rubbing her red eyes. "What is it?"

"I would like for us to be married here on Naboo, among our friends and family." Ben requested.

"I would love to!" Rey exclaimed. "When the war is over—"

"No." Ben shook his head. "I don't want to wait, and that could take years. I want to be your husband, I want you to be my wife."

Rey softened at the yearning in his voice. "When?"

"Tomorrow, if I had my way." Ben chuckled.

"Ben, we've only been engaged for three days!" Rey laughed, hitting his shoulder playfully.

"But we're practically married, already, aren't we?" Ben grinned, recalling her words.

"You were listening to me talk to Finn and Rose!" Rey growled, pushing him down onto the soft carpet. "You little sneak!"

"How else am I supposed to figure out what you want?" Ben teased, circling her waist.

"You could ask." Rey chuckled. "I hear communication is important in marriage."

"Alright, then." Ben said seriously. "Will you marry me tomorrow?"

Rey smoothed her hands over his thick chest, smiling as he stretched toward her like a cat seeking attention. His heart was beating a mile a minute under her palms, causing her to pause. She could sense that he was scared she would reject him, even now, even after everything they had been through together; he didn't try to hide his fear from her. Smiling gently, Rey leaned down to kiss him, to sooth him.

"Yes." Rey whispered through their bond, repeating his vow. "I want to give you everything you've always wanted."

"That's easy." He responded. "All I've ever wanted is you."

A/N: FYI I've been posting mini fics, inspired by some truly gifted Reylo artists, exclusively on my Tumblr blog over the past few weeks. It's the only thing keeping me sane while my work schedule is so crazy! Check um out! Until next time!

A little something extra!

Ali: *Playing with Rey and Kylo Funko Pops* Kylo: What…what are you doing? Ali: Rey and Kylo are having a serious political discussion about fascism and the role of Force-sensitives in government. Kylo: *Rubbing his temples* What? Ali: After defeating the Knights of Ren, Rey and Kylo form a new religious order, merging the Jedi and Sith back into one organization, bringing balance to the Force. Kylo: That sounds nice and all, but how will that work in the long run? Anyone can be corrupted. Ali: By having weekly personal and group therapy sessions to talk about their feelings, schooling in politics, history, and other religions, and regular contact with their families. Oh, and sexual freedom. That too. Kylo: *Looking intrigued* And then? Ali: And then they'll fuck and everyone will be happy. Kylo: Whoomp there it is.

#reylo #reylo fanfic #reylo fic #rey #kylo ren #ben solo #leia organa #finn #poe dameron #rose tico #lando calrissian #my fanfiction #sushigirlali #finding you

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930club · 7 years

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VOTD: Kesha - “Praying” - Good for Her, Good for Us, Good for Music

On July 6, Kesha released her first solo original song since her 2012 album, Warrior. The new song, “Praying,” is a powerful, emotional catharsis piece in response to years of alleged psychological and physical abuse from her Kemosabe Records producer and mentor, Dr. Luke.

Kesha pressed charges against Dr. Luke in 2014 for a swath of alleged exploitations. In a nearly two-year court battle against him, and eventually Sony, she asked to be released from her record contract, which was initially signed with Kasz Money and then licensed to Sony subsidiaries RCA/Jive and Kemosabe Records, professionally binding her to Dr. Luke, who she says was, in addition to everything else, stifling her creativity with overly controlling artistic counsel. Sony claimed that it was “legally unable to terminate a contract to which it was not a party,” so she did not release any music the entire time of the proceedings. Ultimately, the court dismissed her lawsuit.

This is her first solo release without the direct involvement of Dr. Luke, but it was still released on Kemosabe Records (of which Dr. Luke is no longer CEO). After going through some seemingly profound traumatic mental, physical, and legal turmoil, Kesha is resurrecting herself—resurfacing from that dark time into a new, triumphant, more adult young woman and artist.

In that sense, this song is a triumph—for her, for us, and for music. She seems to finally be free from her contractual, artistic, and mental captivity, and moving past what she describes as “hands down the hardest time of [her] entire life.” She is empowering herself in the face of what was, at the very least, an oppressive artistic environment and a painful, multi-year, unsuccessful legal battle. She is taking the creative reins of her own artistic career and moving above and beyond her alleged abuse and exploitation to something seemingly bigger, brighter, clearer, and more honest. She is putting art, emotional honesty, and spiritual healing first, and it makes this song powerful. Lines like “the best is yet to come,” “when I’m finished they won’t even know your name,” and the powerfully succinct “I’m proud of who I am” have me fist bumping in teary-eyed, emboldened excitement whenever I hear them. The chorus refrain, “I hope you’re somewhere praying, praying, I hope your soul is changing, changing, I hope you find your peace falling on your knees, praying,” speaks a truth of acceptance and clarity in the face of pain—forgiveness in the face of a bitter injustice. And that high F at the end has me squirming in empathetic awe every time, even though I know it’s coming.

And thank goodness for all that. I was scared when I saw her July 5 video announcement on Twitter regarding her upcoming release. It seemed… sexual in presentation, which struck me as patently dissonant with the nature of the announcement and the subject matter of the song. To put it bluntly, I was afraid she was going to commoditize her own alleged abuse, which would have been a defeat for her, for us, and for music. My opinion of Kesha’s music pre-2015 was dominated by frustration—less with her and more with the world as well as with my millennial peers for consuming it and turning it into anthems of apathy, addiction, vacuous connection, and, once the drug-induced denial fades, loneliness. Her older music epitomizes some of the more upsetting aspects of modern popular music and the sentiments it sells to my generation. Most of her top songs (“Tik Tok,” “Die Young,” “We R Who We R,” “Take It Off,” “Blow,” “C’Mon,” “Supernatural,” “Crazy Kids”) and even “Your Love is My Drug,” which I considered excluding from this list for the potential interpretation of her lyrics as rooted in a genuine excitement about emotional intimacy, convey the exact same regurgitated themes of a drug-induced, cynical, sexual apathy and recklessness, and perhaps above all else, of addiction—to drugs, to sex, to status, to the self, and to its destruction. “Your Love is My Drug” may actually champion themes of addiction most directly with lines like, “The rush is worth the price I pay, I get so high when you're with me, But crash and crave you when you leave,” and nonchalantly promotes self-obsessed status preoccupations with lines like, “My steeze [status/swag] is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a love sick crackhead,” which shamelessly equates emotional detachedness with coolness. After one thorough listen to the song, it’s clear that the love she speaks of is some combination of sexual excitement and infatuated dependence.

Her music is sold, I think, as some kind of rebellion against… something… maybe responsibility for mental health… maybe the patriarchy and similarly sexualized and emotionally detached lyrics from her male counterparts… but it of course conforms with ham-fisted vulgarity to the performed sexual expectations of that same patriarchy. So, who knows? To me as a high schooler, it was boring, stupid, and so sad that that’s what sells—status-driven hedonism, sex and apathy, and apathetic sex. So, yeah, to a high school me, Kesha’s music was cringe-worthy and depressing. Then, a friend sent me her cover of Bob Dylan’s “Don’t Think Twice It’s Alright,” which is also sad, but for all the right reasons. It made me cry and introduced me to her struggles with Dr. Luke. I began wondering how much control she previously had over the aesthetic she was portraying and if she’d have preferred something different. According to her MTV show, My Crazy Beautiful Life, she had miniscule creative control over Warrior. Allegedly, most of the 70-something songs she wrote for that album, including her favorite "Machine Gun Love," were excluded against her wishes.

All of which is to say: maybe what we’re seeing now is the real Kesha—or, rather, something real from a Kesha that’s been trapped in certain performance paradigms for her entire early career. The beginning of the video for “Praying” reignited the fears I initially had as she talked in a theatrically despondent voice about her desire to just give up, asking God, “Why?” When the song came in, though, my concern was immediately quelled and I saw the beginning monologue of despair and surrender as the other option… the regretful path of pain she could have taken, but that she is superseding—and I appreciated it for what it was. What I hear in the new song feels honest—a strong base to the acidity of the social media-themed songs she released when I was a kid. As she indicates in rainbow letters at the end the music video for “Praying,” this is The Beginning. I hope she’s telling the truth because that would be a rare good in popular music—and for everyone.

-Ryan Savage

#VOTD #Music Video #Kesha #Praying #Ryan Savage

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