Fódlan Freewrite #3: Squish
The door to the Blue Lions’ classroom kicked down, the students whipping around to face a despondent Dimitri, tears falling down his face as he cradled a comatose Ingrid.
“It’s heartburn,” croaked Dimitri as he laid her down, “too much Taco Ball. They say she doesn’t have long to live.”
Murmurs rippled through the concerned crowd of students as they circled their fallen classmate -- George Wilson’s Beautiful Moonlit Night from SpongeBob SquarePants played in the background, plucking the proverbial heartstrings of each and every Blue Lion.
“It can’t be!” yelled Ashe.
“Ingrid, this isn’t a joke!”, sobbed Sylvain, knowing full well she was never one for pranks.
“May the Goddess have mercy,” whispered Mercedes – motions for the Ten Commandments made across her chest.
Professor Byleth could only look down, her face grave and crestfallen with the knowledge that her Divine Pulse was simply no match for the Bacon Club Chalupa Combo: addictive, reverent, and spicy in how it bound the universal fabric together, much like the self-nude portraits Ignatz drew for Garreg Mach’s silent auctions.
“Is there a way?” pleaded Dimitri to the heavens. “Please, Goddess, IS THERE A WAY?!”
Helpless sobs accompanied the omnipresent strings, the somber knowledge that their favorite Pegasus Knight fell prey to processed meat marinating in them all. But just as they say: it’s only the darkest before dawn, for there was one student who bravely rose to the challenge.
“I’ll do it,” declared Felix, the triumphant trumpets of the Rocky theme playing as he made his way towards one Annette Fantine Dominic.
“Huh? Felix, what are yo-MEEP!”
“Clear.”
And, just like that, Felix’s fingers dug right into those rosy, malleable cheeks – his firm fingers sinking into the pillowy flesh like a toddler steadily molding Play-Doh into incoherence. The more he dug in, the more did Ingrid’s body twitch to life – a miraculous phenomenon summoning a chorus of gasps.
“My god,” whispered Dimitri, “he’s using those bulbous cheeks as a conduit to massage Ingrid’s heart. Keep at it, man!”
Trying hard now
It's so hard now
Trying hard now
As Felix pinched and Annette squeaked, Ingrid shook and convulsed like an exorcist victim – the litany of Eldritch speech escaping her lips pulsing with the very same cadence and tempo as the Communist Manifesto. Mercedes, an outspoken socialist, felt tears rolling down her cheeks as the ruling class evaporated before her very eyes.
“Yes,” muttered Dedue in awe, “it’s working.”
Getting strong now
Won't be long now
Getting strong now
“Fewix,” squeaked Annette, “I dwont undastand-”
“Annette, I love you,” spoke Felix with all the reverence in the world, “but this is the only way. It’s what Glenn would’ve wanted. Believe in him, Annette – him and Fred Savage.”
Tears spilled from Annette’s eyes. “I know, babe.”
Gonna fly now
Flying high now
Gonna fly, fly
Channeling all the love and adoration every time our hearts fluttered upon seeing Annette’s munchkin portrait on our television and Nintendo Switch screens, Felix kept on squeezing – his fingers intent on unlocking the secret sauce to reviving his childhood friend.
Gonna fly now
“Clear!”
“Nyuu!”
Flying high now
“Clear!”
“Unngh!”
Gonna flyyyyyyyyy
“CLEAR!”
FLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
“MyuuuUUUUUUuUuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!”
Upon that last squeeze did Ingrid’s emerald eyes finally flash open, a “pah!” escaping her lips as she gasped for air. A chorus of cheers erupted throughout the room, Professor Byleth silently tossing out confetti in celebration.
“Thank the goddesses, Ingrid,” choked Dimitri as he held back his sobs, hugging Ingrid close.
She delicately raised a hand to Dimitri’s face – eyes full of hunger.
“Thank the goddesses for prime rib, indeed,” said Ingrid as she leaned down towards his neck, her Chupacabra teeth ready for another meal.
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