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thedreadvampy · 3 years

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The thing is, without wanting to once again embroil myself in this discourse (because I absolutely was in the wrong last time, no argument there), there is a reason that I can be quite bearish about hcing Jarchivist as white and cis and it's not because I want to take away representation or because I think being white and cis makes him More Relateable but it's about how I read the themes of the character and the overarching podcast

the thing is to me like a major theme of the series is Jonny reflecting on the experience of obliviousness, trauma and denial from his (Jonny, the author's) perspective as a white cis man with an Oxford education and how that's informed his perception and sensitivity to other people's experiences.

and I kind of feel like that's coming through explicitly in recent stories like 185 or 187 but also back throughout the podcast. that a major thread is the ability to ignore things until they're happening to you. and particularly with Jon's character like. his whole deal is that he's spent his life consciously embracing denial and closing his eyes because if he refuses to see it, it can't hurt him. and to me that is part of a broader and increasingly explicit theme about the privilege of choosing what to see, and about the blind spots of things outside your own experience. like to me a primary theme of TMA is the intersection of power, oppression and trauma and the...messiness of it, and I think Jon often represents hegemonic privilege (he's allowed to pass untouched through horrors unless he actively chooses to interrogate and challenge them; he has access to information but not necessarily to understanding; he can and does choose not to see people's suffering until it's pointed out to him (not just in the apocalypse but throughout, with the Archive staff etc)

like. I don't think this reading is exclusive to a Jon who's white, I have implied that in the past and I think that's a shitty take. Jon can absolutely play that role and be Asian at the same time and that brings a different texture to the story.

but it is a different texture and I think I resent the idea that a character can only be white as default or as a reaction to a prevalence of hcs of colour. like I think Jon is white because I think Jon being white has a significant impact on the reading of a story which to me is vastly about power, privilege and marginalisation.

it's significant to me to think of Jon as white in direct reference to the fact that he's canonically queer, had a difficult childhood and has PTSD and mental and physical health issues. whether you read him as white or not has a significant impact on what the story says about the intersections of power and disempowerment, and to me it's an engaging reflection of the tension of Jon's power and powerlessness as an Avatar of the Eye.

and like as someone rightly pointed out during the last barney over this - being a person of colour doesn't mean your life is Just Oppression And Pain. that isn't what I'm trying to pull out here. but the experience of privilege is different if you're seen as white to if you aren't and that makes a text about privilege and systemic traumas read differently. not worse or better. but different.

idk if this makes any sense. and the thing is it may be a totally shitty read of the text. but it is a significant aspect of my reading of the text and I find it? Odd? That in fandom that is treated as a non-negotiable. like that an analysis of the text with the supposition that Jon is white is a shallow reading. not just a different one.

like I see a lot of people treating Jon being white as a non-canonical, bad reading of the text and nobody has justified that to me at all beyond saying 'I am a person of colour and Jon being a person of colour is important to me' and that's a completely reasonable way to feel imo! like there are some really good and interesting readings of the text with that in mind! I think I've often come across as dismissive of that and I don't mean to.

My reading here doesn't have more grounding than yours bc Jon doesn't canonically have a race and Jon being Asian adds a lot. but it also takes away. it's a different text with different reads on power, obliviousness, guilt and trauma. like. I think because I've been quite bullish about it, I've left a lot of people hurt and feeling like I'm saying This Is The Right Reading, and that's a thing I feel really shitty about. because that's come from a very defensive place but that doesn't excuse it, it's a Bad Take.

but like. for me the Jon Being White thing fits into the nexus of a character not necessarily being an endorsement. like if you read Jon as white then to me that changes the read on things like him being promoted ahead of Sasha, on the assumptions he makes about other characters, on his responses to the police and authority, on how he responds to instability - like they're not textually there or not there but interpratively it makes a big difference whether he's benefiting from, assimilating into or operating despite hegemonic power structures.

and the reason I'm focusing on race here isn't because race is the Big Privilege Decider but because when it comes to hegemonic privilege, Jon's race is probably the most open to interpretation; he could be bi or gay but he's definitely mlm; we know he's ace or ace spectrum; he could be trans or nb but we know that he's percieved as a man by strangers and by close friends; we can make educated guesses about his class and social background from cues like his accent, backstory and education; we know about at least some of his physical disabilities and visible scarring, and about at least some of his neurodivergence and trauma. We've spent nearly 190 episodes in this guy's head - we have cues to go on for a lot of stuff. But his ethnicity is absolutely up for interpretation and to me that's interesting.

I favour white Jon as an interpretation because I think Jonny has written a lot of this podcast as a meditation on complicity and the complexity of power and that's interesting to me when I interpret Jon as white. because with that reading the podcast becomes very much about white guilt and the destructive responses we make to guilt, to having the power to change and destroy lives and the power to ignore it, and the struggle of benefiting from a system - even needing a system - that's built on the blood and pain of millions of other people. like, the fact that Jon may Literally Die without the Eye feeding and without the apocalypse fear machine, and has to at every stage make the decision to work to destroy it and live with empathy for those trapped in it anyway, has some resonance for me with the machinery of white supremacy. and patriarchy. and hegemonic power in general. and I think the degree to which Jon the Human Person was raised profiting from those systems informs the interpretation of how Jon the Eye Monster responds to a supernatural version

and like I'm just gonna say it. I think Jon's arc of Dealing With Cops is vastly different if he's white vs if he's Asian. like I can't pretend to be speaking from a place of personal experience but most of my British Asian friends expect their treatment by the police to be coloured by Islamophobia and an assumption of foreignness. and I'm not saying that's Every British Asian Person or that I really know what I'm talking about but it seems to me that the story of a white man who initially trusts the system being hunted by police who brutalise and threaten him carries a different meaning to the same story about a dark-skinned Asian man. like again. not necessarily a better one but a different one.

idk this is a long musing. I'm interested in having a conversation about this and like I said last time - if you think I'm being shitty I do want to be told and to explore why within the limits of your comfort with taking about it. I'm not trying to say This Is So I'm just wanting to get my own head straight.

#white jon #tagging so you can avoid like the plague if you don't want to read that #also under a cut because it's a long meandering waffle #absolutely fine to reblog btw i would like to hear people's thoughts

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adultmorning125 · 3 years

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Japanese Dating Reddit

Dating and eventually entering into some significant relationships with Japanese men has allowed me to learn and grow in so many ways. While not without momentary frustrations caused by miscommunication and different cultural expectations, I highly advise you all to try out dating during your time abroad. If anything, your Japanese will get so much better!

Japanese Dating App Reddit

Japanese Dating Reddit Free

Jul 01, 2014 I live in Tokyo, am Japanese-American, and have been dating Japanese women exclusively for the past couple years. You are spot on with your rebuttal of this list of half-truths and I’d like to add to it. https://adultmorning125.tumblr.com/post/654526448213835776/dating-central-near-arlington. RE 2: Traditionally, Japanese women were the family bookkeepers and the men were the breadwinners. Japanese Women Seeking Marriage. Since 1994 Transpacific Marriage Agency (TMA) has specialized in introducing Japanese women to Western men for dating, romance, love and marriage. TMA's Japanese women clients are among the most beautiful women on earth, both in appearance and in their supportive attitudes towards men. Three excellent, highly recommended websites for meeting Japanese people (who likely speak English) through the internet: OkCupid. GaijinPot Personals. For topics that aren't related to dating in Japan, check out these other fine subreddits. These are just my observations from living here, dating here, and teaching Japanese kids aged 18-21. The first problem is expectations. Typical Japanese husband/wife relationship is more platonic/parasitic than it is romantic and equal. The husband spends all his time at the company, the wife spends all her time at home cooking, cleaning.

But, if you want a relationship that can withstand the challenges of Japanese norms and daily life, here are a few dos and don’ts to keep in mind.

Do: Communicate

Before starting out, you can refer to my article on being LGBTQ in Japan for tips on finding dates. Another article on online dating, while aimed at straight women, also offers some insights on finding men online, and the recommended apps have LGBT options.

Let’s assume you’ve started dating people by this point. Communication and space are really important from the get-go if you are looking for a more serious relationship. When my current boyfriend and I met, we decided on a “five date campaign,” where we would resist getting overly physical with each other until our fifth date. This was advice he got from a friend, and I found it to be a charming bonding experience. Obviously, agreeing on this point already meant that we were more serious, and expressing that seriousness early on is always a good thing.

Language barriers are also a two-way street, especially in the beginning. Remember that if you are expecting your Japanese partner to carry the weight of communicating in a foreign language, you will need to be extra patient if they happen to say something bluntly, or fail to communicate at all. Always give them the benefit of the doubt and help them express themselves. Also, make an effort to learn as much Japanese as possible so that you both can have equal footing if you need to express something in your mother tongue.

Don’t: Storm your partner’s closet — unless it’s for clothes

The closet has been the biggest source of tension between my Japanese partner and me. While I come from the perspective that living with secrets is unbearable and you should only choose to have people in your life who accept you wholly and unconditionally, my partner is perfectly happy to keep secrets from his coworkers and family. This can put me in the uncomfortable position of having to pretend to be his “friend.”

But, among our Japanese LGBT friends, being out with one’s family and coworkers is by far the exception. Like many of his friends, my boyfriend is understandably afraid that being out would jeopardize his relationship with his parents or damage his career, both of which are very important to him. While it may be difficult, you will need to consider in advance whether you are ready to join your partner in the closet from time to time.

That said, I wholly recommend meeting the family if you are invited, even if it is only as a friend. It takes a lot of pressure off of the whole experience, and you can get to know where your partner came from and what kind of environment they grew up in! Just make sure to only doing something you’re comfortable with.

Like many of his friends, my boyfriend is understandably afraid that being out would jeopardize his relationship with his parents or damage his career…

Japanese Dating App Reddit

Do: Have goals for your relationship

This is one of the most difficult parts of any international relationship, but one that is very important to think about. Did you fall in love suddenly and unexpectedly, bound together forever with no need for discussion or conflict? If so, then that’s great!

For the rest of us in a relationship that morphs and evolves over time, a little planning can never hurt. Do you want to live together in the future? Do you plan to stay in Japan? Does this person want to follow you to another country? Are you guys ok with being long distance? The longer you stay together, the more pressing these questions will become. Not every beneficial relationship has to be forever, but fill your partner in on what’s happening in your life as you make these decisions.

The most important thing to remember when long-term dating a Japanese person is that same-sex marriage is not legal in Japan (aside from a few domestic partnerships scattered around the country). Moreover, gay couples are only recently beginning to legally adopt children. While the situation in Japan is getting better for queer couples, if you want a future for your relationship, you will need to devise ways other than marriage to remain in Japan. You and your partner may also consider moving back to your home country if LGBT rights are better there.

Don’t: Reduce your partner to a cultural archetype

Japanese Dating Reddit Free

This might seem a little antithetical to a blog about how to date someone from Japan, but I can’t stress how important it is to approach dating in Japan with compassion and open-mindedness. It’s very easy to compartmentalize people from another country. You may think you can spot trends in their behavior, but this is based on a very biased perspective. Let your partner show you who they are before passing judgment. https://adultmorning125.tumblr.com/post/654526528305152000/framingham-student-dating.

This especially holds true when you and your partner have a misunderstanding or disagreement. At times my boyfriend and I have used our perceptions of the other’s culture to bolster our arguments — something along the lines of “Americans can’t deal with silence sometimes…” or “Japanese people can be so indirect!” It’s very hurtful to be on the receiving end of cultural stereotypes, so be mindful before flinging them out at the person you love.

After taking these tips into consideration, you’re ready to start building a healthy, fulfilling, international relationship during your time in Japan.

If you have any other tips and experiences with queer dating in Japan, be sure to share them below! 🏳️‍🌈

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