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thinkingisadangerouspastime · 5 years

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a most holy sin

i watched Bohemian Rhapsody and cried at least 12 times so of course i was (loosely) inspired by it and had to write an ineffable husbands fanfic. i definitely listened to a Best of Queen playlist while i wrote it, too. i hope you enjoy and please forgive historical and medical inaccuracies because im sure there are some. also for some reason the line break isn't working?? i'm going to try to add it again later.

(I know Gabriel does not technically outrank Aziraphale but for the sake of plot he's gonna be in charge of Earthly affairs.)

WARNING: There is usage of homophobic slurs at a point in this story. If you are sensitive to such, either be wary as you read or simply do not read this fic. Don't worry, you won't hurt my feelings if you keep scrolling.

~*~

"I'd like to be temporarily stationed in America."

Gabriel looked up from his desk, every inch of it covered in paperwork. Glasses that Aziraphale knew very well the archangel did not need slid down his nose. Gabriel pushed them back up. "Why?"

Succinct. As per usual. Aziraphale pretended that he was not twisting his ring anxiously around his pinky as he spoke. "Well, I do read American papers every so often, and I've been keeping tabs on a certain, er, an epidemic, of sorts, that is happening over there."

Gabriel removed the silver frames from his nose, folding them and placing them on his desk. "Right. The AIDS epidemic."

"Yes," Aziraphale murmured. "Yes, quite. I assure you that I don't intend to miracle up a cure for the disease. It's best to let humans work through that on their own, I assume. I simply wish to - to ease the pain of those in the final stages."

Gabriel was silent. Aziraphale began to wonder if he was pushing his luck with this request. He'd nearly been discovered with Crowley only two decades or so ago, not to mention his boss was not known for being the friendliest or the most sympathetic of angels -

"Yes."

Aziraphale blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

"I said yes, you may go." Gabriel sighed, scrawling his signature on a document in glittering gold ink before shoving the paper away. "I have also been keeping up with information on the epidemic. Those victims could certainly use some angelic kindness right now, what with so many being rejected by their families even as they're on their deathbeds. Beelzebub undoubtedly has a special place in Hell for those sorts of nasty people, I'm sure."

"And we have a special place in Heaven for the victims?"

"Precisely." Gabriel returned his attention to the stack of papers in front of him. "You're dismissed, Aziraphale. Don't stay too long."

"Of course," Aziraphale breathed, nodding. He was almost unable to believe everything had worked out so well. "Thank you, Gabriel." Not wanting to overstay his visit and risk having the decision reversed, Aziraphale promptly left. He considered taking the back exit out, but it wasn't as if he was in a rush. He still had to pack, after all.

It was quite a shame he couldn't simply miracle himself to America. Airplanes were... Less than enjoyable, in Aziraphale's opinion. But miracles had to be preserved.

He didn't want to think about how many he might have to perform in the very near future.

~*~

America, circa 1990

Aziraphale had ditched his usual tartan suit for new tartan scrubs. He was posing as a nurse, working in a ward delegated specifically to victims of AIDS in the final stages. As much as it pained him, he refrained from miracling them back into health. God probably would not take too kindly to that, what with the circle of life and all, even considering Her infinite generosity. Instead, Aziraphale eased their pain as they passed to Heaven. If nothing else, they deserved to know that good things awaited them on the other side.

"Room 636, Nurse Fell," a woman called to Aziraphale as he walked down the hall. Her voice had the rounded edge of a faint Southern drawl. "He's got family with him right now, but they'll be out soon."

"Right. Thank you." He nodded at her as she passed. Aziraphale had memorized the layout of the hospital before he'd started "working" there - it helped him maximize his time with the patients. Not to mention he had to be back in Soho before the end of the year.

"This is your own fault, you know."

Aziraphale froze.

"You're the who grew up and decided to be a fucking fag, goddamnit!"

He recognized that tone. It was one he heard all too often in the AIDS ward.

"And now that choice is killing you. Just like it killed your little queer boyfriend."

Aziraphale resisted the urge to swear. Of course the voice was coming from room 636.

"Hope you're happy with yourself. Hope you're proud."

The man's words were laced with more venom than the world's deadliest snake could provide. Aziraphale reached for the door handle, only to find that it had been locked. Very much against hospital regulations, but also rather common in these situations.

"This is the devil's consequence. You know why they're calling it the 'gay plague'? Because only fags are getting it." The man sighed, an intensified frustration bleeding into his tone. "You just had to be a queer, didn't you? You had to be the family disappointment." His voice dropped, and he growled the lethal blow. "I can't believe I ever called you my son."

Aziraphale didn't care if Heaven reprimanded him. He snapped his fingers, unlocking the door and entering the room without a moment's hesitation. He straightened his back and stared down the father. "Sir, I am going to have to ask that you leave here immediately."

The man's lip curled in disgust. "A queer nurse? I should have known."

Aziraphale ignored the comment, standing his ground. "I must insist that you leave, or else I'll be forced to call security."

For a moment, Aziraphale was afraid the man wouldn't go. But after a long pause, he left in a furious silence.

Aziraphale rushed over to the patient's bed. He was young, in his late teens or early twenties. Still a boy, really. And that only made it all the more heartbreaking.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that." Aziraphale checked the IV in the boy's arm, making sure it remained connected. "You don't deserve to be treated like something is wrong with you."

"Maybe there is something wrong with me."

Sweat beaded the boy's forehead, and Aziraphale's heart ached a little more when he saw tearstains on his cheeks.

"Am I really going to Hell, nurse?" the boy whispered. "Was falling in love really a sin?" He closed his eyes, biting his lip in a clear attempt to keep himself from sobbing. "I loved him. I loved him so much. All I did was fall in love."

"My dear boy." Aziraphale pulled up a chair next to the hospital bed before sitting down. "Of course you aren't going to Hell. Believe me, falling in love is no sin."

"That's not what my father thinks." His voice was bitter. Much too bitter for someone who likely had just started university.

"Well, fathers don't know everything," Aziraphale replied. "Trust me, dear boy. There is nothing you have to fear in death."

The boy wiped tears from his eyes. "Yeah? How would you know?"

Aziraphale snapped his fingers. The Almighty really was not going to be pleased with him. So many miracles only a few minutes apart was sure to get him reprimanded. Or maybe it wouldn't. He never could tell what exactly She would approve or disapprove of.

The boy's eyes widened as he took in the sudden change of his surroundings. He tried to sit up, but Aziraphale stopped him.

"Careful, now. I'm simply giving you a peek into what awaits you."

The boy shook his head in disbelief. "Is this - is this Heaven?"

"Indeed." A part of it, at least. A lovely little spot of paradise that was reminiscent of Eden. Many enjoyed it when they first ascended to Heaven. A place to get acclimated.

The boy stared at Aziraphale. "You're an angel."

Aziraphale's wings fluttered, as if responding to the query. "Yes, I am. I requested to be stationed in America to help ease the pain of those suffering from AIDS. People in the... Final stages of the disease."

The boy nodded. A faint smile appeared on his lips. "That means I'm dying, then."

Young people truly were getting more perceptive. "I'm afraid so, my dear." Aziraphale snapped his fingers, and the vision of Heaven dissipated. Regretfully, his wings went, too.

The boy sighed, leaning back more deeply into the hospital bed's pillow. "Would you believe me if I told you that I'm going to miss my father?"

Aziraphale didn't respond. He knew an answer wasn't expected.

"I'm going to miss him. Even if -" The boy's voice cracked. "Even if he hates me, he was the only family I had. I forgive him, and - and I want God to forgive him, too."

"She will," Aziraphale murmured, his voice so low only he could hear it. "She always does."

The boy's heart rate was dropping. Aziraphale resisted every instinct in his body to save him. He could not interfere. It was not his responsibility to influence Earthly life and death.

"At least I'll get to see Miles again," the boy breathed. Tears were trickling down his face. "It's been a long year without him."

He closed his eyes.

The machine flatlined.

Aziraphale could sense the boy's spirit leaving his body. He returned the chair to the side of the room, then slid the curtain shut around the bed.

"I'm sorry, angel."

Aziraphale didn't know when he'd started crying. "I can't imagine even your lot could be responsible for this, Crowley."

There was a pause. "AIDS itself is one of the final gifts of Pestilence unto Earth, despite that they retired eons ago." Footsteps echoed in the quiet room, moving closer to Aziraphale. "But only humans could be so cruel to one another."

"I know," Aziraphale whispered. "And I think that's the worst part of all." He didn't even blink as Crowley stepped in front of him, brushing away his tears with his thumb.

"There's nothing you can do, angel," Crowley murmured. "You know that."

Aziraphale did know that. He hated it, but he knew it all too well. "I just - I just don't understand. All they do is fall in love, Crowley! What could have wrong in human history where they started to believe that love was sinful?"

Aziraphale expected a witty comment in response. A dry quip about Catholics, or the Shaker community. He certainly had not prepared himself for a serious answer.

"When did Heaven and Hell start believing it?"

Crowley's sunglasses slid down his nose. He took them off, tucking them into his jacket. They stared at each other, eye to eye.

"I've been - I've been wondering that myself," Aziraphale stammered. His voice was hushed. "But it's not my place to question it."

Crowley shrugged. "The Almighty has been more forgiving as of late. Since it's you, She just might allow it."

"I - I couldn't possibly."

"I know, angel." He sighed. "I know."

Neither spoke after that. But neither made a move to walk away.

Aziraphale knew he had to leave. He had to report the death of the young man so the room could be available for other patients. But he couldn't bring himself to step away from Crowley.

The stood only inches apart. Aziraphale wasn't certain whether he'd reached for Crowley's hand or if the demon had grabbed his, but their fingers were intertwined and Aziraphale knew damn well he didn't want to let go.

"How did you find me?" he finally asked. "I don't recall telling you I was leaving Soho. Or where I was going." In fact, they hadn't spoken since 1967. The night in the Bentley.

Crowley shrugged. In a rare moment of tenderness, his thumb gently brushed over Aziraphale's knuckles. "The city feels different when you're not there."

"O-Oh. I see." Aziraphale found his gaze drifting down from Crowley's eyes to his lips. He didn't fail to notice that Crowley had lessened the distance between them even further.

"Is love a sin, angel?" Crowley whispered. His free hand moved to cup Aziraphale's cheek. "Because if so, it must be the holiest sin there is."

Aziraphale would have laughed had the tension between them not been almost suffocating. "Well, my dear, I really don't think there's such thing as a 'holy' sin -"

He was cut off as Crowley captured his mouth with his. Aziraphale found himself melting into the kiss, pulling the demon towards him. Crowley wrapped his arms around Aziraphale's waist, and Aziraphale placed his arms around Crowley's neck.

He shouldn't be doing this. He didn't know why he shouldn't be, because every atom in his body was telling him that this was right, that this was love, that Crowley was all he needed -

But he couldn't.

Aziraphale pulled away, certain that regret was written all over his face. He couldn't bring himself to look Crowley in the eyes. "I'm sorry. You deserve - you deserve better than me."

Crowley laughed. It was harsh. Bitter. "I'm a demon, angel. I don't 'deserve' anything. It's part of the job description. In the fine print. Non-negotiable. You know that." He yanked his sunglasses out of his pocket and shoved them onto his face.

"No." Aziraphale's voice refused to move above a whisper. "You deserve everything, my dear. Anything you want. The whole world."

"I don't want the whole damn world. I only want you."

Aziraphale forced himself to look at Crowley. The demon's expression was unreadable behind the black lenses. "I can't, Crowley. Not now. Not yet."

Crowley raised an eyebrow. "'Yet'?"

Aziraphale nodded. "One day, I'll - I'll be ready. To go faster. As fast as you. I swear it. Just - Just not today." And he meant it. More than anything he'd ever said. "Will you... Wait for me?"

A small smile appeared on Crowley's lips. It was a rare sight, but one of Aziraphale's favorites.

"For you, angel? Always."

Aziraphale blinked, and the demon was gone. He didn't know when they'd see each other again. He didn't know what the future would hold for them, either. But when Crowley had left, he'd taken all of Aziraphale's tears with him. As he so often did.

Perhaps his demon had a point.

If love was a sin, it truly was a holy one.

Maybe even one worth Falling for.

~*~

im a mess, y'all. i love these two more than i love myself. i hope you enjoyed! feel free to send me prompt requests for them or for ineffable bureaucracy because both are such good pairings.

#good omens #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #anthony j crowley #anthony crowley #good omens fanfiction #good omens fic #my post #my fanfic #my writing #fanfiction #archangel gabriel #tw: homophobic slurs #aids crisis #amy writes

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scriptlgbt · 7 years

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Cleaning up

Hi! Mod Scix here! We’re trying to cut our way through the inbox, and I’ve compiled a few similar asks. This post will be a lot of ask and very short answer. Please understand this isn’t me being rude, I’m just trying to be efficient so we can get less behind. (hee hee, “behind”)

The first category of questions are errors:

Anonymous said:

(nb 2/3) They’re feminine, but choose against HRT/surgeries (maybe later?) bc they’re on PREP and the combination might lead to lower bone density (they’re a MedSchool stdt, they’d know). And they’re on Prep bc their boyfriend, the protag, is Poz, but their relationship isn’t healthy (constant arguing and protag trying to decide NB-char’s career for them). But NB-char puts up with it for years. Partly for love, partly bc protag accepts their gender, and they think they won’t ever have that again

Anonymous said:

Clarifying a few things about my ask (I'm the anon with the love triangle): 1. Gender/sexuality is of minimum importance in this story. Tough to explain, but the MC doesn't really have a concept of those issues? She's afab but agender for all intents and purposes. 2. The relationship between the two men is way healthier/happier than that between the MC and her ex. 3. There's no animosity between the MC and her ex's current partner.

Sorry, the rest of your questions are missing. If it's still a relevant question, please resend.

The next set I call research:

@teal0cean said:

Hello!! Love you guys! I wanted to ask if you know about the history of HRT for trans males. As in. What was or wasnt available or how the process of transitioning was during some historical period or other (im interested in early 20th Century!)

@yevie said:

Do you have any information on what sorts of resources/information would be available for a (lower-middle class, 20 year old nursing student in a metropolitan area) trans man in 1995? [Resources in terms of both social transitioning, especially in his academic and work setting and also resources in the whole LGBT community aspect and having access to the language to describe his experiences.] (He's also gay and ace, if that's relevant.)

Anonymous said:

I heard theres discourse about the terms FTM/MTF/etc. whats that about??

Anonymous said:

So I've always wondered about this, but I don't to seem like I'm insulting anybody. :( I just really want to know how it works... but I'm to scared to ask so I'm going to drop it here, because I think you will understand! :) (1/2)

You see, If a female decides to do the transision to male. How will she get the male genitalia and loose the female one? I really want to know. Does it hurt? (2/2)

Anonymous said:

How and when do people realize they might be homosexual?

Anonymous said:

Can you think of any really good ideas for a short LGBTQ film? Thank you!

Anonymous said:

Do you know where I could read a bit more about lgbtq+ stereotypes so that I don't do it myself?

Anonymous said:

What is bi/tri/polygender

Anonymous said:

I am making a documentary so i need a good script on it in hindi, would you be able to provide it?

So these are all research questions. Not actually what we are here for, though we do sometimes dive in. The first couple may be tougher to find using google, but the rest are pretty easy to dig up. Or else need to be reworded to narrow the focus. And sometimes the questions we get have built-in assumptions that kinda make it impossible to answer fairly.

Like the assumption that we write Hindi.

If anyone wants to answer these, please be civil.

The next section is the quick answer:

Anonymous said:

Do any trans men choose not to take hormones, even if they're available to the person? I know this answer would really vary from person to person, but I'm thinking of writing a trans man who doesn't want to take hormones, and I'm not sure if that would be considered unusual or not really understanding of the desires most transgender people have.

@pan-at-thedisco said:

Is it plausible for a trans boy who can definitely afford transition surgery to choose not to? Is this something that happens often?

Yeah, transfolk sometimes choose not to get surgery or take hormones. Don’t worry about “often,” it’s fiction.

Anonymous said:

Hello there, I have this male character that I wrote a long time ago and only recently have I been seeing him as bi, now he has crushes on guys but he still ends up with a girl. I can't help but feel like I "cheated" in a way by making a bi character have a hetero relationship but I don't want to change his relationship. I just want to hear your opinion about this.

It's not a hetero relationship, because he is in it. Just don't write it that the new relationship is fixing him, or more real, or anything like that.

Anonymous said:

I want to ask about usage of the word "queer" not in reference to a person or their gender/sexual orientation. Its original meaning meant "strange." It later became a slur, and has now been reclaimed by some in the community. I'm wondering if it's still okay to use it in its original meaning (i.e. "In front of him was the queerest fog he'd ever seen.") or has the evolution of the word has made that no longer acceptable, even if you're writing period/a specific atmosphere?

Go for it! Just be aware it sounds kind of old-fashioned.

Anonymous said:

hi! do you think it would be considered ok for a nonbinary character in a historical setting to use their language's equivalent of "it/its" pronouns? i'm cis and i'm worried people will take it the wrong way, but the character just wants to be convenient as their language only has one set of gender-neutral pronouns and it's for inanimate objects

No. If it's a fictional language, then it can have a gender-unspecified pronoun that doesn't only refer to objects.

@dreamwishing said:

I have a rather odd question. Odd enough that I'm not sure where to ask. This may not be the right place, and if it's not, maybe you could point me in a direction? That would be great. Everyone asks how to avoid stereotyping lgbtq+ people, but...how do I avoid stereotyping homophobes and the like?

...make them rounded, complete characters with more than one thing in their life.

Anonymous said:

I have a villainous character who is a combination/amalgamation of various people of different genders/sexualities, and they don't have a gender. I'm planning to refer to the character with they/them pronouns, and it just doesn't feel right to give them a gender. But since they're a bad guy, would it be... what's the word... transphobic (I guess? you know what i mean) to portray them as agender? I have other agender characters, if that makes a difference. (It's fantasy btw)

Having other agender characters -- well-represented -- solves the issue for you just fine. Also, make the villain interesting. I love a good villain.

Anonymous said:

Will the mod/s be monitoring the comments at all? I've seen quite a few hateful replies and reblogs toward nonbinary and demisexual people. I would love to keep following, but it sucks having to be subjected to people invalidating my gender and sexuality in the comments.

There is nothing we can do about comments. "Never read the comments" is often a good idea. Alternately, block the blogs that are evil, and you'll soon find it was the same few all along. Anything really terrible, let us know so we can block them ourselves, and let our readers know.

That was a lot of work. I know it doesn’t look like much, but it took me a few hours and I’m wiped. Some kinds of work are more labor than they appear, and this is that kind of labor.

Still and all: love you all! Just not that way.

~~Mod Scix

#answers #writing advice #lgbt #<3 #:P

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