#sonya voice: i still think abt it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rearranging-deck-chairs · 18 days

Text

the beach conversation is insane actually im always being so mean to 13 for how closed off she is but it's insane what she does here like "ive never been able to", "it's what my life is", "not because i dont want to"

shes like sorry yaz i cant give you much but lets play doctors and students and reenact the anatomy lesson dr nicolaes tulp you be the doctor and the students and i'll be the body hang on let me hold up a lamp so you can see what we're doing

shes like sorry yaz i cant give you much i locked my hearts in this rusty vault and lost the keys but if i had a spare i would give you it i swear i promise i know thats not enough but i'd give it to you

"i cant fix myself" is how she starts. "i'll be fine, in the end, hopefully" she says like an hour after regenerating after describing just how much it fucks her up and how scary it is and how painful and how much of a gamble, really, how much of a leap of faith and hoping for the best, hoping for that net to appear because if it doesnt......... theres no backup

are you alright, doctor? are you okay? yaz has asked a hundred times without getting an answer. and now she finally does and it seems to recontextualise every dodge that has come before. stop asking, it's not the end yet, theres still time, a little more patience, i will figure it out, i will be able to give you a yes eventually im sure of it.

but now it is the end, regeneration looms again, time is running out, and this endlessly delayed answer sounds like a resignation. i cant do it. not in time. maybe not ever. but definitely not before the plane crashes and i take you down with me. i broke the universe and i cant fix it. it's too late. i dawdled too much.

and what this could have been, but isnt, because neither of them take it this way, think of it this way, because theyre too much alike, and not like this at all, but what this could have been, in intention and reception, is a request for help. i give up, i cant figure this out, but can you? the doctor doesnt mean this, and yaz has always been too attentive to the limits, too respectful of the doctor's boundaries (from "who, me? no. never doubted. don't know what you mean" in ghost monument to "can we just live in the present") to misinterpret it this way. so theyre on the same page. a page, as always, decided on by the doctor. but it does make the perfect set up for the finale

because i do think, sort of, that yaz fixed it. not you know the millennia of trauma but the specific inability of 13 to trust people. the clara/river/missy/bill my-friends-die-or-are-not-what-they-seem-or-both cant-hold-anyones-hand-but-my-own inability to trust her friends are her friends and they will not like explode into gore and viscera if she touches them (which now that ive said it i bet is what she has nightmares about. perfect match with what i think yaz has nightmares about which is the doctor exploding into gore and viscera and not being able to do anything abt it. actually the best idea i think ive ever written abt what yaz has nightmares about is "or you take off your coat and youre wearing dynamite", but i digress) that, i think yaz sort of fixes when she saves the doctor and saves the world and i think if 13 had lived she'd have trusted yaz after that in a way she couldnt before and maybe even that realisation of "you saved my life" in that weird malleable state of post-pseudoregeneration might have had a hand in why 14 is the way he is

#anyway #Them #sonya voice: i still think abt it #can you believe its been 2 years since sea devils???what the fuck #woughhhhhhhhhh #i miss them #i miss writing thasmin in like................that space #i love writing yaz/14 it's very cathartic #like hello lets Talk About Things #yesterday i wrote 14 saying 'it's new! i love new. new is great' which was so nice #my 14 is a lot more 13 than 10. theres no 10 at all honestly i dont care abt him #yaz/14 is just.........thasmin Continued #but anyway i do miss writing them all.............never saying anything #that got tiring after 2 years and its nice to like catharse all that tension now with yaz/14 but #doesnt mean that tension isnt an interesting place you know?#but anyway change is part of love #its fun giving them new problems too fhgkghgjhjh

17 notes · View notes

fartandsoul · 6 years

Note

also - may i ask abt sonyamary proposal, not modern au? 👀 -sonyamary anon (and in case my first ask didn't go thru, i just wanted to say thank u all for the warm welcome!

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT

okay now that i’ve finally gotten around to this y’all better buckle down because i have THOUGHTS

here’s some like,, background

mary still remembers the first time she saw sonya, at one of many balls where natasha and andrei somehow disappeared as soon as the rostovs arrived, only for mary to spot them minutes later in the middle of a crowded dance floor

sonya’s standing in a corner, head down, looking lost, and mary’s at least been to this house before – being rich, she’s been to everyone’s house – so she thinks, i’ll go over there and make her more comfortable

until sonya looks up. and mary’s seen her before, of course she has, but only out of the corner of her eye because she’s always been looking at her brother and natasha, jealous, deep down, of their laughter together

mary hasn’t been able to get andrei to laugh like that in years

and when she can’t look at them anymore she sometimes glances at sonya, but just a glance, not actually looking, like she’s doing now

sonya’s beautiful. she’s wearing a white dress that by rights she should be too pale to pull off, but she looks ethereal

mary’s suddenly all too aware of her entire body – the slight sweat already breaking out on her lower back, the way she doesn’t stand up quite straight enough, her heart which has suddenly started beating slightly too fast

she can’t stop herself from walking over to sonya anyway and saying hello. she can’t remember much of the rest of the conversation, but they must have planned to meet again because sonya shows up at the bolkonskys a week later

they talk, and mary remembers it all this time: how sonya’s eyes track mary’s movements and how she listens without just waiting her own turn to talk. how her voice reminds mary of autumn

andrei and sonya seem to cross paths daily, andrei heading to the rostovs and sonya coming to the bolkonskys. mary’s glad: the house is tense and empty without her brother. sonya fills the space

mary kneels in front of her icons and wonders if what she feels is right. she knows to keep it secret from her father, but she doesn’t keep it secret from God (why would she?)

one night they talk late and it starts raining hard, and mary invites sonya to stay over

it’s different than inviting natasha to stay, which happens sometimes. then, they make up the guest room and they stop talking at a reasonable time and mary doesn’t lie awake for the next hour, like she’s doing now, wondering if she should go check on sonya and then berating herself for the thought

she gets out of bed three times and gets back in again

and when mary finally does get up, another hour later, she meets sonya in the hall, coming to her

the house is big and lonely, and neither of them can sleep. one of them suggests what they’re both thinking, and they crawl into mary’s big bed

they sleep next to each other, and though they don’t touch, in the morning something’s different

sonya rushes out, doesn’t stay for breakfast

she doesn’t visit for a week after that. mary frets. stops eating. spends more time praying

then one day sonya rushes in, a bit bedraggled – she must have run – and walks straight to mary and takes her by the hands. mary’s speechless

sonya says she was afraid of how she felt after that night, afraid mary didn’t feel the same way, but–

and here mary interrupts. ‘i do feel the same,’ she says

‘you don’t even know what i was going to say,’ sonya says

‘i do.’

they’re alone, but mary looks around anyway to be sure before she leans forward, so quickly, and kisses sonya on the lips

she draws back immediately, almost shocked at her own boldness, but then sonya leans in and kisses her for longer (and longer, and longer, until mary hears footsteps coming)

proposal time, u fools

they’re dating. or whatever you call 19th century secret courtships in the guise of being the best of friends

years pass. mary’s father dies, and sonya cannot be there, and the french are close behind them. andrei dies, and sonya is there, and so is natasha, and they weep together

sonya tells natasha after that. natasha says she guessed already, and it’s natasha who first suggests the plan: that sonya should marry the man nikolai loves and mary should marry nikolai, and all of them will be free to love whoever they want

sonya used to love nikolai, she really did, but now she doesn’t feel anything beyond a deep familial affection, and she’s suspected he loves someone else for years

everyone agrees. but sonya doesn’t want it to be just a contract, some deal that lets everyone get what they want

so she proposes. rings would be too obvious, so it’s necklaces, simple matching ones they can hide under their dresses if they need to

they’re on mary’s bed. sonya’s lying down with her head in mary’s lap, and mary’s playing with her hair absentmindedly

sonya grabs mary’s hand and kisses the back of it. she sees mary smile, upside down from where sonya’s looking up at her.

“will you marry me?” sonya asks

mary smiles again, thinks she’s joking. “i’d love to, sonyushka,” she says, but teasingly

sonya sits up and finds the necklaces in her pockets. she places one over mary’s head and tucks it inside her dress (mary shivers). she hands her necklace to mary, and mary fastens it around sonya’s neck. sonya feels mary’s hands, cold as always, tremble against her skin

sonya asks again. “will you marry me?” and mary whispers “yes”

after sonya leaves, that night, mary rushes to her icons and her prayer is one of thanks

in another time sonya would have wanted to really court mary. she would have brought her flowers, kissed her in public any place they went, held her hand everywhere. but it’s not that time, and they have to hide.

nikolai and mary’s wedding is first, then sonya and the other man, nikolai’s lover. they met at war, and he’s kind. sonya thinks she would have done this for nikolai even if she didn’t have mary, but thankfully she does

their houses are next to each other. the servants are few, trustworthy, and paid well

most of sonya’s belongings are at mary’s house; the rest stay in her own house for appearance’s sake. they fall asleep with hands clasped. they both consider mary’s house home.

#honestly my first kiss headcanons for them are always the same #sonya confesses first but mary kisses first #and sonya is the one who proposes #it's just the way it's gotta Be y'all #asks #sonyamary #tgc hc #tgc #sonyamary anon #at last i answer #Anonymous #fic and hcs

13 notes · View notes

earthdeep · 5 years

Text

so I actually finished fe echoes shadows of valentia after *checks back through blog* about one and a half years. or rather, I got totally fed up on my first playthrough and restarted a few days ago bc I was sick of having it semi-complete. I have Thoughts so... under the cut

might as well get the technical stuff out the way.

loved the artstyle. but the ui fucking sucked. all the important numbers and stuff is WAAAAAY too small to make room for character portraits and the layout of a lot of options is just... weird. oh and there’s no way to look at a zoomed out map and it’s a pain in the arse when I just wanna check where the fucking enemies are.

combat system is... definitely interesting for a fire emblem game. I enjoyed it overall, but it felt a bit lopsided. no weapon durability (yay), no weapon triangle (eh), magic users learn spells in character specific orders (hm), 90% of bow using enemies can’t do shit against fliers (wtf?), absurdly high crit rates (ugh)... lance users ended up near useless by endgame. I had a single one who could hit hard enough to take down an act 5 enemy, and he was too slow to chase them. meanwhile I could keep my archers back way out of enemies’ range and crit them, or field my many mages who could do massive damage AND heal each other constantly. srsly, all hail our lady and saviour delthea, who by the final boss had 30 atk and could oneshot almost every enemy with her lowest level spell. she is the best, and I love her very much.

there was a lot of other fidgety stuff especially on the overworld that really got on my nerves after a while. I’ve never been fond of the point hopping system that’s fairly common in tactical rpgs, but echoes has the infuriating variation that forces u to fight every respawning enemy u cross. fuck those graveyards. fuck them to hell. especially fuck them when I have to pass them so often to complete sidequests in the villages and such. but at least dungeon exploring is still fun. well, I say that, and it leads into another bother.

fates, the previous fe game, did a lot to improve the experience of casual players such as myself. the protagonist being allowed to fall in battle without an insta game over, for example. phoenix mode was nice for replays too, tho since echoes was preeeeetty linear that’s a moot point for me. echoes decides no, actually, fuck that, and also fuck the battle saves introduced in awakening. ur gonna work through duma’s tower for an hour with no way to save and reload and if one of the ten million enemies in there knocks down celica ur losing all ur progress without even a chance to use the in-universe save scum device. bc fuck u.

incidentally, duma’s tower is where I quit during my first playthrough.

buuuuuuuut there’s more to games than mechanics. there’s story too! and... hoo boy. there’s two major sticking points for me that ultimately make it a disappointment. spoilers ahead for literally the entire game.

number one: the broken aesop of alm’s arc. ie, fernand was right.

so, fire emblem games have a lot of birth destiny and divine rights to rule and all that jazz. while it can be just a background fact of life (awakening and imo path of radiance fell into this) or a major problem that causes protagonist centred morality out the whazoo (Y HALLO THAR FATES’ CONQUEST ROUTE), echoes tries to go a different route, especially in the first act. alm butts up against those who don’t think he should be allowed to be a knight, let alone lead an army bc he’s of common birth. even those on his side (*cough*clive) struggle to hold noble and common life of equal worth. but here’s alm, the poster child of destiny caring not for trivialities such as parentage. he’s a good fighter and a good leader, and proves that even a commoner can become a hero!

except they can’t. alm isn’t a commoner. he’s a prince. he could never vanquish duma if he hadn’t noble blood in his veins, bc the falchion is locked in a vault only royals can enter, and is a sword only he can wield. were he truly a commoner, he would have failed. and all this would’ve been easily forgotten fridge logic if the characters hadn’t kept bringing the even a commoner bs all the way with them until he found out who his dad was! fernand, the primary voice for this shit, doesn’t die until after seeing alm revealed!

frankly, alm being a lost prince was purely a detriment to the story. oh no, he killed his dad? who fucking cares. blood is the only thing they share. I’ve seen this dude like twice before I cheesed his ass by warping my best units up to his section of wall and zapping him. half his dialogue is only available post-patricide. alm had more of a connection to Asshole Cousin Berkut that to him. also, his plan for preparing for the end of the world as is stood was one of the worst I’ve ever seen.

but there’s also a more fun point. number two: the straight agenda!

ugggggh. listen. on my first round through, I joked a lot abt all the unrequited love going around. and honestly there’s quite a lot of interactions that I found genuinely nice. faye and leon being open about their feelings and accepting they aren’t requited, and alm and valbar being honest and comfortable with that. or delthea mentioning her crush on clive to his sister and having mathilda immediately pointed out. or like, clive and mathilda’s entire relationship during the game. I like me a lovey dovey battle couple.

but then the epilogue slides hit. why the fuck would mathilda become a Good Housewife(TM) after marrying a man who encouraged her as they fought alongside each other. delthea gets the same treatment and settles down with an unnamed husband and becomes “normal” in her slide. then u have mae and boey who get married and have children and argue AND THAT IS IT. like guys, I like me some rivals to lovers as much as the next lesbian, but u can’t be said to have kids that give u more reasons to fight and have me believe this is any way healthy. please find a replacement for celica bc u do NOT work together on ur own. *sigh* at least clair and gray have a nice marriage where they’re both free to be themselves. in my game anyway, idk if she hooks up with tobin if they get higher support, but when he’s an archer and she’s a frontline fighter, they never had a chance.

and then there’s alm and celica.

I could’ve liked alm. I really could. while his base is still Default Fantasy Hero, I like his comments when u examine things, I like that he has the nerve to stand up to clive when he’s on his bullshit. but dude. u met ur fake cousin celica briefly when u were kids, got along well, then obsessed abt her for like a decade. get. over. it.

same to u celica. u were fucked in my eyes from the beginning bc I find devout characters actively dull, but come on. u made a friend who had a birthmark like urs. as far as ur concerned, that’s all. stop reading the script and try learning the politics of running that kingdom ur set to inherit.

beyond the “alm...” “celica...” wistful calls, and the forces of destiny/the writers, I could not tell u what draws these characters together. the one time they’re not staring into the middle distance at each other, they’re in a petty fight that makes celica look like a spoiled child (and keeps her there until after she sells her fucking soul to the shadiest guy in the fucking universe? celica. celica cmon.) like why do these people like each other. with as much as destiny pulled them together rather than human connection, they may as well have been siblings instead.

on my first run, I genuinely thought that was where they were headed. I got given “alm can lift royal sword” and “celica ‘lost’ brother in fire” and put together that OH! they’re brother and sister! like mila and duma! bc it’s history repeating itself! and then conrad showed up and I was confused. also, iirc alm genuinely believed celica was a cousin of his while they were interacting as kids and didn’t learn she was just in Fantasy Witness Protection until later, so for that to turn into poorly telegraphed romance is just... ew.

anyway. at least most of the characters were good. can’t even pick a favourite tbh. I like clair a lot, and tobin and gray. mae and delthea are both fun and adorable. the valbar/leon/kamui trio are great and chill dudes. I even like silque despite being the nun type, bc she just tries so hard and I appreciate that. oh and sonya’s very lovely with genny and DESERVED BETTER THAN BECOMING A LITERAL SOULLESS HUSK IN THE EPILOGUE AS SHE TRIES TO HELP OTHERS, FUCK U ECHOES.

also there are definite immersion hiccups. oh, the land’s barren and we’re facing famine, huh? *stares at trees full of oranges* *stares at wells full of water* *stares at baskets full of fish* *stares at inventory full of meat and vegetables* *stares at knife that can produce food if I kill an enemy with it...*

wait. I turned a lot of enemies into food with that knife. like my inventory for celica’s army filled up with it. was... was I eating people the whole time?! D:

anyway, fe15, 7.5/10 too much swamp

#I'm warning u this is a long one #earthdeep does life #ire femblem

0 notes