unpopular opinion (apparently): i love all of the attention and love my writing gets and could never really be bothered much that it only gets likes or that people comment what they wanna?

its monday- another discover weekly playlist has found itself on my spotify account. i always have this secret suspicion that spotify is an actual person- or i want the algorithm to be embodied by a human figure. i feel like we would get along. just because it seems to know me so well. the songs hit just perfectly, and are always of a telling nature. well, its nice to feel heard and understood by someone-- even by a technological musical algorithm.

i thought to myself: ah this song would be perfect! and in another dimension, i would go ahead and send it to him right now. him being the person i am dating. i hate the verb dating...i dont know. the person i am supposed to fall in love with, ideally?

but not in this dimension. and i do feel a bit sad that i cant just go ahead and send the song. 2 reasons: 1) i dont fully resonate with the lyrics 2)he would find it odd and probably wouldnt take it as deep as i would it want to be taken

confusion. these days are pure confusion. or, kind of just emptiness. but since we wont talk, or rather, chat, for a few days at least, i figures i could just note down the feelings i feel every day. about you, and a possible us. problem is that i dont feel like the "us" exists at all. its so alienating. i feel like its just a made up thing that sometimes becomes real. only sometimes- it comes in fragments and minutes really. when we are physically together, holding each other, deeply looking into each others eyes. i love those moments. wouldnt want it to be seen otherwise. i purely enjoy them. and i enjoy being with you-- a strange unfamiliar human being. youre always going to be a bit strange to me. it seems that you never fully let anyone in, or close to you. you are enigmatic. and my instincts never lie.

idk what this will be. and i feel like theres not enough care present to even bring it up, discuss it. i dont feel it from either me or you. anything related to that question would seem kind of silly. who am i to you? what am i within your life? something that will be around for a few months and tossed away. im your 16th thought. most likely.