i talk of body image, weight gain, self-hate, soical anxiety, anxiety, etc. below the cut, so just read at your own risk

i doubt any of you will see this, but if you sympathize with any of this, i understand where you’re coming from. 

i don’t get why i wasn't born pretty. 

all these other girls are pretty and sweet and nice and i hate to say it but i ahte it. i hate that while other girls get to eat whatever they want, i LOOK at food and i put on ten pounds. i hate that i have friends who are pretty and smart and have friends, and they’ve got everything i want. 

i don’t get it. 

i hate that i have a friend who’s pretty much perfect. i fucking envy her. she’s pretty and smart, and she’s what i want to be. i hate when she talks about how she’s got friends and she always looks pretty and is pretty. don’t get me wrong, she’s so sweet and has been there for me and i love her, but i just wihs that she could really understand what it’s like to be fat and ugly and disgusting. every time she and i talk about shopping and clothes and stuff it just makes me so...gross.

i don’t get why i’ve got to deal with constant bleeding from an iud, be repulsive to all these guys, and why i can’t keep a romantic relationship. why am i so fucking repulsive? what’s wrong with me? i know i might have put on a few pounds but i’m still pretty? right?

i wish that i could be confident and smart and pretty and everything that i’m not. i’m not really smart, i’m just average and i’m only realizing that now. i bury myself here and in my writing and in my work and i do that because i can’t socialize in real life without second guessing my every move. but yet, if a pretty girl did this it would be fine. but since i’m just a gargantuan, oversized, gross, fat, ugly girl, it’s not that. 

i hate myself. 

i hate that i’m misshapen.

i hate that nobody gets it.

nobody gets it. 

none of my friends know what its like to pray that someday you’ll be able to afford plastic surgery to suck the fat out of you. 

none of them understadn what it’s like to go into a store and not find your size, or to only be reduced to a select few styles.

none of them get what it’s like to grow up fat and to be found repulsive for every year of your life.

i wish someone understood. 

i wish my brain wasn’t like this.

I’m so not ready to go to this bar lmfao

My thought's on the Marco Diaz is a trans girl theory.

First of all, I want to make clear that this is in no way a strike against the trans community or supposed to invalidate this theory in any way, it's just an alternative way of interpreting the things going on right now. If you headcanon Marco as a trans girl you have every right to do so and if it does end up being true I'll be the first one running down the street waving a transgender flag with tears running down my face (Not really tho, I'm in the closet and have soical anxiety). Anyway to start, it's pretty clear by now that Marco is heavily coded as non cis, there is no doubt that the creaters clearly are hinting twoards this from season one and have been doing so even more in season 2. Most people have concluded from this that Marco might be a in closeted trans girl, however I think this might not be the case after all. One of the biggest reasons why people assume that Marco is trans is due to them not at all being opposed to be referred to as a girl. Several characters did so during the course of the series and Marco is even making profit of it by selling Princess Marco merchandise. This is a pretty big indicator for Marco being not being cis, however does it mean they are actually a girl? Well no not necessarly. Marco never seems to feel any kind of discomfort over being referred to as male either, which if they really were a trans girl often would be the case (however, of course there are exceptions to this). Then there is the fact that Marco got some sort of dysphoria, which could very well be body dysphoria, however it's never explicitly stated that it's gender dysphoria and even if it is, that still doesn't necessarly mean Marco identifies as a girl, since a lot of people who are simply questioning their gender identity can feel a similar kind of dysphoria and besides that, recent episodes implied that Marco probably felt this kind of dysphoria due to them not being satisfied with their current body type rather then with their body in total. Then there is the infamous dream suit scene, where Marco clearly uttered their dislike of being laid to rest in a suit. Most fans took this as Marco not liking to wear manly or manly coded clothes..however that's not really the case. Marco through out the series shows no real discomfort wearing both boyish and girlish clothes. They wears their everyday clothes just fine and had no complaints about wearing a skirt in Stars secret closet. They even wore a suit without real problem later on in the show. However, they did have a slight problem both times while wearing the puffy princess dress. So Marco's problem with the suit probably was more about them not liking formal wear in general rather then not liking "manly" clothes (I hate the notion of clothes being gendered). So this is getting way to long already and I don't want to go over every single detail, but all of this makes me think that Marco being genderfluid or non binary makes a lot more sense then Marco being transgender. Again, that's just another way to view the implications the show runners made and I personally would be happy with either of this options being made canon in some way or form. If you disagree that's of course 100% okay. If there were any offensive terms used in this post please tell me, I did not mean for that to happen. Lot's of love ❤.