#so now i just feel like a half untangled mess with 0 stability bc in that 'growth n discovery' period i realized almost everyone in my life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sillybouquetoflillies · 2 months

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i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out

#i let myself sit n accept that i did go thru smth.. maybe that i didnt totally remember or that i blurred out the details of n idk #i keep feeling like an imposter n like i shouldnt be feeling it. i didnt rly like how ive been acting #but like also i let a lot of stuff out of the box in my brain doing that n idk how 2 put it back or deal with it #so now i just feel like a half untangled mess with 0 stability bc in that 'growth n discovery' period i realized almost everyone in my life #wasnt someone i wanted 2 keep around #so now its rly just me n my bestie that r close n i keep everyone else at arms length #how tf did i get on rambling abt this omggg #ugh i am srsly such a mess n i cant find the root n i think thats whats freaking me out the most #i hate not being able 2 explain why im feeling a certain type of way or justify it in anyway #i just wanna feel okay n stable n be a fun person 2 be around again!!!!#i wanna be completely independent but like.... everything is so expensive n i have no interest in anything that would pay well #i wish my sw stuff would take off but i think im too messy 4 ppl 2 wanna stick around n also i dont think im super attractive unfortunately #I DUNNO #i dont have any answers atm n its freaking me out #i either wanna figure out how to be okay with not having answers or to get the answers and solve my problems #n i also dont wanna depend on other ppl 2 solve them for me #i just wanna be a whole.. well rounded person who can take care of themselves n do what i want #while also being a cute puppy thats rly rly rly fun 2 play with n is super helpful n supportive 2 the ppl it cares abt 🥰#i am so sick of these silly dumb messy fears n emotions that keep me stuck in boring ruts #i wanna go out n have my own fun n be my own person n stop being so scared of everything!!!!!#its okay if things go bad!!!! its just more stories 2 tell ppl!!!! ppl love my stories!!!! ugh i just needa put myself out there #i just needa find smth fun 2 do that keeps me around fun ppl #i just dont know what yet #concerts r fun but idk no one super interesting is touring here rn n i need smth more frequent #ok i think this ramble is ovr #im rly sry if ur reading this!!!! i love u vry much n hope ur having a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!

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