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bemused-writer · 3 years

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VNC Anime Episode 1

And so the first anime episode came out! I'd say it was actually pretty faithful to the manga; adapting an 88 page first chapter into a singular episode is no easy feat. XD Mochizuki really was making them hefty at first. With that in mind, I figured I'd just talk about some of my first impressions and the few changes they made.

The opening is the obvious first change. The episode itself covers all the same info we learn early on, just in a different order. The manga opted to focus on true names and Teacher's warning to Noé, which ties in more directly to Amelia's plight and Noé's circumstances later on, while the anime chose to open with the vampire Vanitas, which is sort of like the driving force behind people's attitudes towards the blue moon. Will this shift be a big deal later on? It seems unlikely; both give you information you'll need.

I do have to say I hope we get more of this particular art style. The creepy fairytale vibe is so perfect...

La Baleine itself looks amazing as well. In the manga I was always struck by how cool the design was (thanks to Ryou Yamaguchi who designed it), but seeing it animated is something else and made me really think about how if that thing fell from the sky there would be some massive problems. 8D Truly, the only thing keeping that in the sky must be astermite.

Later on, when Amelia destroys all those lights, I realized I'd always misinterpreted that scene. I'd always assumed the broken lights were from Vanitas breaking through the window and, in his usual dramatic fashion, broke everything else, too. But no, it looks like it was indeed Amelia! My guess is that since she's losing control of herself she's also accidentally rewriting the world formula as well.

Okay, I'm going to nitpick the translation just a bit here, but in the manga they go for the more literal "What are you?" which is what Vanitas is really asking. That, to me, seems pertinent, because asking who Noé is is one thing, but asking what he is reveals that Vanitas is used to dealing with all manner of people, several of whom aren't human at all.

And on the note of translating things, I think I'll detour slightly to talk about Vanitas's voice type because I've seen a couple people say he sounds too rough. I get this because the English translation (both versions) tend to make Vanitas sound kind of elegant. However, the fact of the matter is that Vanitas has always been speaking very rough Japanese and isn't very elegant at all. 8D That's a difficult thing to capture in a translation since it's not like he's cursing like a sailor or anything that would make it easy to portray; it's just a style of speech. Anyway, what I'm getting at is that them casting a "rough" sort of voice for Vanitas in the anime actually fits in with how he's been speaking in Japanese.

You know a character has pulled some stuff when one of your favorite moments is them being chucked across the room. XD Ah, Vanitas, if you took a few seconds to explain things maybe you wouldn't be in the middle of a fight right now... However, the anime definitely played up how extreme of a hit this was. Don't get me wrong, Noé sent him flying in the manga, too, but in that he only slammed into the bench rather than through a statue and everything else. While I can appreciate the added drama, it does raise the question of what Vanitas's spine is made out of for it not to have snapped. (^^)"

Wow, Naenia is even creepier animated. :D Her voice is basically exactly what I thought it would be with that delightfully creepy reverb. I'm loving it. And I also like that they kept this manga panel and just added color.

And this is the moment that will have many of you mistakenly thinking Vanitas is a noble-minded fellow, but don't be deceived! He has about 10 million issues and at least half of those are aimed at women. 8D The rest are aimed at the entirety of vampire and humankind. That's not to say Vanitas is without redeeming qualities--he is still one of the heroes of this show--but he's not as straightforwardly wholesome as Noé.

Dante was actually quite a highlight of this episode for me even though he was barely in it. I love the voice they chose for him and he's also the only person who knows what Vanitas is actually like, so he has the most natural reaction to him. XD Everyone is amazed and impressed by what Vanitas has done--as well they should be because it is impressive--but Dante has to work with him. He knows.

This was probably my favorite part of the whole episode. The combination of the music and visuals really emphasized the nostalgic vibe of this moment. It really feels like a beginning and and end. I'm so glad we got to see this animated.

Teacher! They deprived us of seeing him at the start, but we got this shot in the flashback. I still find it strange that they made the estate more... estate-like rather than opening up into a forest like the manga, but it's still effective. We also get to see the silhouette of Louis. ): Truly, everything about Noé's statement, saying he finds the blue moon beautiful, is something we see challenged throughout the series in subtle ways. Can he find something beautiful when it's the source of so much pain? The series isn't over, so I guess we'll have to wait and see.

I will say that the end of the episode with Vanitas's manic grin and Noé's declaration he would eventually kill him by his own hand felt a little more impactful in the manga for me, but it was still very good in the anime as well. I did like that the anime included more people in the "what we gained and lost" section, such as Roland and Loki.

Anyway, the anime is off to a fantastic start! Ahh, the fact that we'll get an episode weekly is so exciting; definitely looking forward to the next. (^^)

#vanitas no carte #vnc #case study of vanitas #bemused's post #long post #vnc anime only spoilers #not sure how to tag that...

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shadow--writer · 3 years

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If I Catch Fire Then I Change my Aim

HA I DID IT (hm de dum . song lyric titles will die with me and holy fuck I should make a master list of this bsery). Finals kicked my ass and I, of course, bit back but I am back on the writing bullshit of everyone’s nightmares.

Maeve x Lucas. Amani slaps some sense into one of the two dumbasses. 3.9k (how am I still surprised by this? I have learned time and time again I cannot stfu)

TW: mention of past abuse

@dela-png

The day was warm. She had her door open as she finished organizing her herbs. It did absolutely nothing to help the deep pit in her stomach.

Her bangs kept falling into her face, she had tucked the handkerchief away again. Every time she looked at it she saw the raw hurt on his face.

And that was a distraction.

In her line of work she couldn’t afford distractions.

Even so she was distracted. By the pit in her stomach even though it had been...weeks. Again. He misunderstood what she said and didn’t come back.

She rubbed her temples with a low groan.

They were both idiots.

Morons. If there was another word for it, that could be applied.

She did regret cutting him off, but judging by his reaction to her little nickname, it was for the better. She was fine without him. Yeah. She was fine without…the nice feelings he brought. The flowers. The food.

Mmhmm yeah she could go on just fine. He was just one person in a large world of many.

Ugh but someone tell her heart that.

She groaned, laying out on the counter, the worn surface cool against her cheek. Pining was the worst. Especially when it was unrequited pining. Well sure it wasn’t unrequited before but now it for sure was.

Even if he did prop her tables up again and bring her lunch one last time.

After taking her words in the totally wrong way.

She huffed.

Why did this have to be so complicated? It wasn’t fair.

She really had to go and fall for the guy who was like a dense hyperactive puppy (a very cute one but this wasn’t the time). Oh and then she had to let her trauma string her along like a little puppet.

Ugh he was right. Of course he was. Three years and she still wasn’t over anything.

She stretched out her arms, now resting her chin on the counter. She really should be over him. Over the words he used against her still ingrained in her very being. Gods she was just an idiot.

He was right about one thing. She did muck up every relationship she’d ever had.

She hated admitting he was right. But of course he was right, he was always right. He always had to be right. He got angry when he was wrong.

She pushed herself to stand, pressing the heel of her palm to her eye. Always right.

She chuckled without humour. Yeah right.

She moved away from the counter, staring at the chipped blue paint she couldn’t scrub away. The pain was still a little raw. She knew it was an accident and he just took her words the wrong way. But it still hurt to see him look at her that way. Such unabashed hurt and anger.

Almost worse then when she rejected his kiss.

She turned away from the pain, chewing on the inside of her cheek. She was never going to get over Lucas if she kept thinking about him and dragging the pain out. She just needed to bury her feelings. Bury the hurt.

This was all fine.

Maybe once things calmed she’d go home. Lucas didn’t want to see her again anyways.

She would just be a hazy memory in a few months time anyways. His first heartbreak.

She bit her lip. Ouch that hurt to think about. She knew she was someone's bad memory. But she didn’t want to be his.

Maybe if she were different it would be okay.

Who was she kidding? She couldn’t turn back time anymore than she could fly.

It was her biggest self indulgent dream. To be able to fly. Sometimes when she was standing alone with the breeze, she felt like she could take off and never land.

Great. She was starting to sound like her Mhamó. Always had her head in the clouds.

The door slammed open, yanking her from her musings.

In the doorway was a fully healed, and very angry looking Amani.

Oh great it was ‘piss-everyone-off-o’clock’.

She shifted a bored look at the angry lady in her doorway. “Oh and how may I help you this fine afternoon?” Her voice was dry and filled with sarcasm. Was it so much to hope that she’d be left alone just once in her life?

She was still recovering from her clinic being raided.

“I can’t believe you’d not only have the audacity to dump him like that but insult him in another language.”

Ah. So this was how today was going to pan out.

Lovely.

She crossed her arms. “Audacity? What I do and chose to do are none of your business nor your concern. I did it to protect him.”

“From what?!”

“Me.”

“Oh boo hoo.” She chucked a nearby pot at Maeve. She dodged, the glass shattering. Great more for her to clean up. “Protect him from yourself?! What a load of bullshit!”

“You are a spitfire,” Maeve replied, dodging the box of masks that were thrown at her next. “But I’d appreciate it if you stopped throwing my things. Most of them are new.”

Amani snarled. “I hear you’re a spitfire as well. I wonder what I’d have to do to get you to insult me in another language.”

Her gaze at Amani turned icy. “It takes quite a bit to push me over that edge.”

“Liar. You did it to Lucas.”

“I did no such thing. He took a detour off a cliff to get to that conclusion. You do know languages are used for things other than insults right?” She dodged a stool. Amani was getting increasingly more pissed off.

Just-fucking-wonderful. This is what she gets for helping Will at the dock. This is what she gets for being nice. For catching feelings. And then trying to break things off knowing she was going to muck things up.

Hateful stars above.

“That’s-” Amani let out another frustrated growl. “True I guess.”

“...you two really like jumping off cliffs to conclusions. Astounding.”

Amani’s eyes were narrowed into slits. The gold paint on her lips shone in the afternoon sun streaming through the windows. Maeve could admit she was almost pretty.

You know, if she wasn’t currently trying to kill her with her own stool.

“I thought you liked him.”

“I did.”

“Past tense?”

Maeve kept her gaze, hands trembling at her sides. She hated Amani’s tone. “And what of it?”

Amani searched for something on her face, a smug grin creeping across her face. “Ooh you like him. You still fucking like him.” The expression darkened again. “So how could you?!”

“My reasoning is my own.”

“I am his best fucking friend, you think he doesn’t tell me this stuff?!”

“He can tell you his side of things. But that is only half of the picture,” she said, keeping her tone level and cold. She could feel her anger bubbling in her gut. Amani was right to be mad. She and Lucas were both right to be mad. “What happened on my side of things with me is with me only.”

“Don’t you have friends to talk to?”

“No. Not here I don’t. I didn’t see the need for them.”

Not after what happened the first time.

Amani froze. “That...is a terrible way to live.”

“Oh great a lecture. And I thought you were pissed at me. Come on now, lay it on me. Let’s see what you can do.”

“Oh don’t get me wrong I’m fucking pissed. But holy fuck do I feel bad for you. Cutting off people who want to be your friends?”

“You included in that?”

She shrugged. “Uh yeah. We were on the same wavelength. I liked you. Well, when you weren’t being a bitch.” Alright, she did deserve that one. “And then you fucking went and ruined everything with him.”

“If ruining it is how he stays away from me, fine.”

“What’s got you so fucking scared?!”

She flinched, nails making little crescents in her palms. She was easy to read when you looked for the signs. She was scared. She was terrified.

“He does,” she whispered, letting go of everything. If Amani wanted to know, fine.

She didn’t...she didn’t want to hold onto it by herself anymore.

And fuck she knew her sisters would beat her over the head with the dumbassery she pulled to spare her own feelings.

“Why?! Did he do something to you?”

Her head snapped up. The words made her remember the faces at the market. “What? He’s never done anything to me. He’s only been...a sweetheart.”

Amani’s shoulders drooped a bit. “So then why did you leave? Why are you so scared of him? He’s not...that way anymore.”

She pursed her lips. That way anymore? The fuck was going on?

“If you want to know, fine. Fine! Throw my own shit at me, berate me and then have the audacity to ask questions now but fine. I did like him. But I don’t want him getting close to me.”

“Why not?!”

She fought back angry tears. Ugh she hated being pushed to this point. Hated it! “Because I am a fucking selfish person.”

“This is being selfish? This is the OPPOSITE of selfish!”

“Maybe me wanting him to be around was selfish and too much for me to ask for!”

“For what?!”

“Myself! I don’t deserve anything he’s given me. I don’t deserve his affections. I don’t deserve anything like this!”

“And why the fuck not? Why do you think you don’t deserve any of this? Because I can tell you for a fact that’s not just you speaking there.”

She froze. “I- It’s just-”

“You fucking like him! Still! Don’t past tense me,” Amani said with a low exasperated sigh. “And holy fuck you two need to learn to talk to one another.”

“Like...his palm said,” she whispered to herself.

“Huh?”

“Nothing.”

“Even if you still like him...why did you just...leave him like that? Say those things? Push him away? ‘For his own good’, bull-fucking-shit.”

It was her turn to growl. “I said this! But I’ll say it again to get it through your thick skull. I’m pushing him away because I’m fucking selfish okay?!” Her voice was starting to crack. She was starting to crack. Under the scrutiny.

Under the fact someone was willing to listen to her.

“I’m not some perfect thing. I don’t know what he’s told you or what he’s made up about me but that’s not me.”

Amani’s eyes widened. “Hold on...Maeve?”

She threw her hands in the air, blinking back tears. Cracking and shattering. She hit her breaking point.

Weeks now. Since she first told him to leave.

Another few after he took her words in the wrong way.

She...fucking gods, she missed him.

“I’m just...I’m selfish, okay?! I don’t want him falling in love with an idea he’s made up. I don’t want him falling for me and then realizing he doesn’t really like me. I don’t want him falling in love with me, period.”

She shocked the other woman into a jaw slack expression.

She scrubbed her eyes, she didn’t want to cry. She didn’t want to cry. But now that she was, the tears just wouldn’t stop.

“I’m tired. I’m tired of love. I’m tired of romanticizing everything. I’m tired of loving, giving and then being broken. I’m tired of people loving me and then deciding that they need to change me. Because they don’t really like me.” Tears were freely streaming down her face now. “I’m not perfect.” Her voice cracked over the words.

They were true.

The rung true.

She was a broken mess. Fuck, she hated love for the longest time. It only got worse.

A festering wound.

“I’m tired of being changed like I’m not a fucking person. People will always find something wrong with me. People don’t like how...weird I look to them. And it’s not even weird!” She was yelling, her voice breaking. “So what if I glow? So what if my hair has some weird silver metallic looking streak in it. My tattoos aren’t even that odd. So then why?”

She sniffed. “Why is it that I’m always the issue? My personality is too much. I talk too loud. I’m too crass. I argue too much. I’m not quiet enough. I am not good enough for anyone.”

There was a pause.

She was really letting this all spill out of her. The dam had been broken.

“Holy shit, what the fuck happened to you?”

“Eloquently said,” she replied with an eye roll, staring up at the ceiling. She willed the tears to stop. “Love fucking happened. And I hate it. I hate having to...second guess everything so he likes me.”

She wasn’t talking about Lucas. She wasn’t...really talking about Lucas. She never had to second guess herself around him.

And that was refreshing. It was so refreshing that it scared her.

“Because I...” She let out a low whine, an embarrassed heat rising to her cheeks. “Because I like him. And I don’t...I don’t want to like him like…” she waved her hands around. “This.”

“But you do.”

She lowered her gaze to meet Amani’s again. “What if he doesn’t?”

The look Amani shot her was both exasperated and withering. “...he tried to fucking kiss you. He gave you his copy of Thumbelina.” She flinched at the mention. That wound was still fairly fresh as well.

She had...read it so many times. She didn’t know why she read it so many times. It was nothing special. Fluff with a happy ending. But...maybe it was the thought of being a little closer to him through the words on the paper that brought her pause.

Amani continued on her tangent, ignoring Maeve’s reaction. “He brings you things to eat. Holy shit he talks about you all the fucking time. He gifts you flowers. What more evidence do you need!?”

“Gifts are not evidence.”

“Flowers, Maeve. He brings you flowers. Why can’t...why are you still doubting it? Why not like him openly? Why?”

She finally let the truth out. The doors opened and her chest was cut open again. Heart on display again. She hated being this vulnerable. Hated it.

But it was...nice having someone to talk to. Even if she tried to kill her with her own stool.

“Amani, I am not perfect. He might make me out to be. He might see me as such. I don’t know. But I am awful, Amani. I’m an awful awful girl.” Amani’s brows furrowed at her word choice. Every time she said it she thought of sugary sweet words. A beautiful lie.

A hand around her throat.

“I’m a terrible person.” She sniffed, holding her arms. She was spiraling. Always spiraling. “I’m selfish. I push people away when they need me. I’m mean. I’m flighty. I’m stubborn…too stubborn. My temper gets the better of me. I’m an awful person.”

“Having a temper doesn’t make you a bad person,” Amani said, her voice now softer. It was different from how angry her tone was. “None of those things make you a bad person.”

Eyes glittering with unshed tears, her head snapped up with her tone. “Then what am I?!”

“Human.”

Maeve froze at the rawness of Amani’s voice. “You’re human just like the lot of us. You’re no angel, believe me. Neither is he. Neither am I. We all have done things we regret. That’s what makes us fucking human. You put him on this pedestal like he’s innocent in all this. He’s not. I know better than anyone.”

She swiped at her eyes, sniffling loudly. Amani slowly shuffled closer. “But how we love makes us human. It doesn’t even have to be romantic but, you don’t just like him. You love him, don’t you?”

“I...I don’t know,” Maeve admitted. Her tone was deathly soft, soft enough that she could only feel the way her mouth moved around the words. It was the first time she’d said it out loud. “I don’t know and that’s what scares me. What if I do? What do I do then?”

“You tell him.”

She felt her whole body flinch, tear streaked cheeks tacky. “What?”

“You heard me. Tell him. If you love him don’t keep it to yourself. Dumbass is dense as a brick but I’m sure he loves you too. It’s not...this doesn’t feel like a ‘like you’ situation. I dunno it’s just…I see it in his eyes. The way he looks at you, how he talks about you. Lord you should hear the way he talks about you. I haven’t seen anything like it.”

“He doesn’t really love me,” she said bitterly. Always in denial.

Amani smiled, it looked a little tense with her frustration. Her eye twitched. “Yes, he does. I know my best friend. He’s head over heels and you hurt him.”

“Because that’s who I am. I hurt people.” She clutched her stomach. “I hurt him because I’m selfish.”

“Why?”

She wanted to stop running.

From everything.

And just let the floor swallow her whole.

“I don’t want him getting close to me,” she whispered to the floor. “I don’t want him to see the mess that I am. I don’t want him to see all my broken pieces. I...I don’t want him to leave.”

Years. It had taken her years to open herself up again. So then, why him? Was there even a reason?

Amani moved to gently reach out to clean her tears away. “He’s broken too, you know. He’s been broken down and pieced back together many times. Sometimes pieces get left behind. Sometimes they go missing. But I have never seen him light up the way he does when he talks about you.”

“I don’t deserve him.”

“Gods Maeve, it's not about deserving him. The world doesn’t deserve him. Fucking hell if we’re talking about it, I don’t deserve him. But it isn’t about that. It’s about want.” Amani huffed softly. “So tell me, do you want him?”

The word was choked around her lips, threatening to drown her. It sounded cheesy to her own ears but it just...felt true. “Desperately.”

Amani smiled, it was softer now, tilting her head up with a hand. “Then go for him. Show him how you feel. Sounds sappy as all hells but love him without holding back. If you really think you’re the only one who has reservations about this, then you’re wrong. He was a mess when you first told him to leave.”

“A...mess?”

“An angry sad mess to be sure. Oh and don’t forget how embarrassed he was. And then the self depreciation. He’s gonna give me grey hair.”

Maeve snorted. “You and me both.”

“Well you already have some.”

“It’s silver thank you.”

“Silver shmilver. Back to my original point before you distracted me.” Amani booped her nose. She wrinkled it at the touch. “Show him what good can be in the world if you look for it.”

“I’m...not good.”

Amani let out another huff, grasping Maeve by the shoulders and staring dead into her eyes. Normally she was fine with intense eye contact.

This was a little too intense.

“Yes, you are.”

Maeve’s hands shook. Those evil vile hands. The hands that failed to save so many people.

The ones that burned.

“How good can I possibly be?” she spat out. “How much good can someone see in me? I’m just me.”

Amani sighed. “First of all, you’re going to give me a headache. Second of all, I have never seen him so...different. Almost...happier? Whenever you’re mentioned he lights and perks up and I’m embarrassed for him.” Maeve felt her ears redden. Amani looked at her, unimpressed. “I see the feeling is mutual. Goddess you two are going to make me sick. But, I think that’s good.”

“Is...is it?”

“Yes dumbass. Did you not hear my spiel? I am not going through it again. If Lucas ever found out I’d be this sappy singing his praises to the girl he has affections for he’d never let me live it down.”

Maeve chuckled, rubbing at her eyes.

“Oh I mean that. Don’t you dare laugh, he remembers the weirdest shit. And if you think you can get away with all your problems and then having them rise to the point of cutting him off, think again. He will lord it over your head. ‘Remember the time you tried to cut me off?’ and shit. That is, after you two fucking apologize to one another. Lord one bad thing and he jumps to a conclusion and you close yourself off.”

“...you jumped to the same conclusion.”

“That’s the past! It’s behind me now.”

“...it was literally twenty minutes ago.”

“I’m a different person now.” Maeve sighed, making Amani crack a grin. “Glad you’re not crying anymore.”

She bristled. “Me crying a bad thing?”

“No but now I’ve seen both you and Lucas really cry for the first time and let me tell you, that was an experience.”

“I...made him cry?” Awful. Vile. Evil.

“Uh yeah. He kinda broke down. Not a pretty sight. Didn’t get up for a while. Then the miscommunication about the whole ‘nickname insult’ thing was just salt to the wound.”

“Why was he crying over me?”

“Well he’s in love for one thing.”

“...is he though?”

“I am three seconds away from smacking you. But yes, congratulations you were the first person he cried over. A feat in itself but why’d you think I was so pissed?”

“Maybe...I am terrible.”

Amani’s glare was once again, disapproving. “But, holy fucking god, I see it’s had a similar effect on you. Shit, you two are just so fucking dumb it’s unbelievable. You don’t get love like this every day and you just push it away. Why?”

“It’s…” Her eyes darted around to rest anywhere but on Amani. “...not love.”

“Mmm sure, that’s not what I see but you do you I guess.”

“Even...if it was love...why? Why him? And why...me? Why now?”

“You think I know? Sometimes it just happens. It’s not some dumb fuckin ‘fate’ thing. It just happens. I’d say it’s part of being human. It’s part of our connections. Sometimes you love romantically, other times not.”

“How do we know it’s...not something...else?”

“You really like making this harder for me. God damn. Because of the way he looks at you. The change in him. Bitch the way you look at him. Holy fuck. The way he looks and talks about me is different from the way he looks and talks about you. And that’s fine. I’m his best friend, and you’re...you’re…”

“...me?”

“Something new. Something exciting. Something terrifying. He’s lived here his whole life, you and I are something new to this place. But...even then, you’re different, the feelings he has for you are different. He asked me how to go about kissing you. Bitch what other fucking evidence do you fucking need?”

“He asked...how to kiss me?”

“Yes! He was scared to. Then of course you rejected it, which, nice fucking going.” She winced. Okay she deserved that one as well. “But what more do you need? I’ll ask again, what more fucking evidence do you need me to provide? At the very least he likes you a lot.”

She chewed on her lower lip, reopening the small cut she had worried into it days prior. “And...if he does...what do I do then?”

Amani looked ready to strangle her. “Uh duh. You go for it. All love is is a leap of faith. Why not jump?”

“And if I fall?”

Amani sighed, but the grin creeping onto her face was crooked and her eyes filled with a strong light. “Well, he’ll be there to catch you.”

#the arcana #the arcana game #my writing #maeve #lucas #maevas #maeve x lucas #angst with a happy ending #this is fine

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