wish i didnt agree to join a choir trip for the summer before im supposed to go to college for multiple reasons

get to know me.

tagged by: all my friends ! [insert crying emoji] thanks for the inclusion, @warwickroyals & @armoricaroyalty & @funkyllama & @trentonsimblr & @trouvailleroyals

favorite color: black, red, all of those verdant shades of green.

currently reading: [unhinged screaming] on the docket for today is gary nash's forging freedom and cynthia radding's wandering peoples. yesterday, i read stuff about the andes and also women in plantation households. for leisure, i've been reading since this summer: tommy orange's there there, ottessa moshfegh's my year of rest and relaxation, and stephen graham jones' my heart is a chainsaw. also y'all's stories ! i don't want to jinx myself, but i'm hoping to FINALLY catch up with @ardeney-sims this weekend, among some others i'd like to at least start. if anyone has suggestions for how to keep your place in stories instead of frantically scrolling someone's blog every time ... lemme know ...

last song you listened to: uh oh. spotify says "king" by florence + the machine, which checks out.

last series watched: my watching is all over the place. lately, it's been dance moms (finished. chaos) and season two of rez dogs (so good), plus i started rewatching american horror story: coven with a friend this week. i also started fear city on netflix last night but idk if i'll go back to it. why when i can rewatch goodfellas for the 1834935th time .... oh, and fear the walking dead ! i picked it back up recently but idk if i will continue anytime soon (more zombies, less interpersonal drama that isn't about zombies). either way, it's october. should be watching scary stuff.

sweet, savory, or spicy: i like them all but i'm a savory gal at heart. i love desserts so much, and i like spicy food more than it likes me, but ultimately... pretzels make my world go 'round.

craving: OKAY SO LIKE. i wanted italian food, and then when i sat down this morning to make my dinner plans, i was like "meh... vegetables?" i am craving green things, but i ain't a quitter, so we're having salad and decadent pasta tonight. we're in a weird and not-good place this week, mentally and emotionally, that's my explanation.

tea or coffee: i like both. but ... i have coffee daily—latte, almond milk because i hate the environment or w/e obviously, no sugar—but tea is more infrequent as of late. i am a southerner through and through, tho, so i love sweet tea. that counts.

working on: everything and nothing, it feels like. grading papers. trying to stay on top of my reading list. writing grant applications. writing a historiography for my dissertation proposal. building a house for sims who haven't even been born yet. researching tattoos and testing them in cas. procrastinating revisions for my story outline. ruminating on the asks y'all've sent. whew.

tagging: anyone who wants to do it ! i think everyone i might've tagged has either done it or been tagged. but, uh, tag me so i can see your answers, if you haven't & want to.

Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

blows a kiss to Elli @batmantaking-hobbits2gallifrey thank you for tagging me, darling!!! 💜💖

Favorite Color: BLUE is the one for me, and probably will always be. I like to joke that my wardrobe is 1/4 white, 1/4 black, and 1/2 blue because I love it SO much. There’s a specific shade the sky gets to be in the first crisp days of fall that is truly my very favorite. (But a special shout-out to pink, which is the color that I am! Or at least, the shade of my heart. My soul is blue. It’s a very important distinction.)

Currently Reading: the good question is what am I NOT reading. Ebooks were a terrible invention because they mean I am always picking up something or other and then deciding it’s not the right time for me to read it yet and rinsing and repeating the exact same process with something else. But most presently and pertinent are:

The Ordinary Princess (because @shieldmaidenofsherwood has it in her bookshelf tag and I am nothing if not a parrot when it comes to the book-loves of all my friends)

The Wind in the Willows (the first book I ever had read to me as a baby! it’s the rainy season right here now and I felt that it was the correct time)

Seraphina (it’s always Dragon Season and sitting on my bedroom floor and screaming season)

The Dream Thieves (again, summertime is the correct time)

and finally trying The Bird in The Tree for the first time!!! (I read The Rosemary Tree for Maria’s sake years ago but I need to read more Goudge)

Last Song: You’re Not Special, Babe - Orla Gartland (the chorus is so deliciously addictive)

Last Movie: Harry Potter & The Sorcerer’s Stone (the vibes are somehow immaculate in the thick of summer)

Last Series: I always have a CR episode lined up (it’s Siege of Emon time, babeyyy) but the last show-show was Mr. Loki himself!

Sweet, Savory, or Spicy: This my ideal lineup: sweet drinks, savory food, spicy chips! (I’m a weakling, or at least my stomach is one when it comes to most actual heat, sadly. But jalapeno chips are my Achilles heel.)

Craving: I can’t see any further past the food I’m actually eating! I wanted sweet and sour chicken and I GOT it, plus fried donuts. 💖

Tea or Coffee: I STARTED as a tea person, but I’ve slowly transitioned into a coffee person that will take coffee every time you offer, granted that I drink coffee like it’s a dessert rather than how it should probably be. I reckon maybe once I’m REALLY grown up I’ll be able to drink it black, but until then it must be sugared and creamed or I will be an upset cat. That being said, tea is THEE ideal reading drink! Nothing else quite suits as well, and is very essential for hobbit girl summer. 

Working On: Editing RMT, drafting WTLBS, mayhaps poking at milk novel rather farther, planning out more of tree novel as I go. And, to learn how to make scones. Plus trying to learn this song on guitar at some point. 

T A G G I N G : any of you out there reading, please join in and tag me if you want! I mean it! I’m glaring at you but like, affectionately!!!

Survey #146

“peace sells, but who’s buying?”

Have you ever been arrested? For what?  No. Do you like Pres. Obama? Why?  Don't even fight me, dude was funny.  From a political position, I can't answer.  I didn't pay enough attention to form a well-supported opinion. Do you know how to change the oil in your car?  Nope. At what age did you obtain your driver license?  I don't have it yet, but I do expect to probably get it this year. Do you like Slim Jim’s?  g i m m e What are you favorite kind of chips?  Spicy Cheetos. Are there any plants in your house?  I think there's none... How important is it for you and your partner or friends to share a similar taste in music, movies, shows, etc?  Not very important at all. What sort of compliments make you feel the best?  Because I'm a self-conscious piece of shit, calling me pretty or something of the sort and actually sounding sincere can brighten my whole day.  Also just a compliment on my behavior means a lot. If you have a pet, do they sleep with you at night?  Roman does. <3  He sleeps on my hip, arm, or curled beside me. What is the climate and geography like where you live?  Usually warm, humid as fuck in the summer...  We live in a pretty flat area.  Farming terrain. Do you have a Facebook? If no, then why not?  Yeah. Has there ever been a murder in your town?  Yeah. Are you someone who has to analyze everything?  AAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Are you too sensitive for your own good? YUP. Do you still have pictures of you and your ex best friend?  I'm sure in old photo albums Mom keeps. Where does your grandma live?  My only living one technically lives in Florida, but she stays in NY with her son's family a lot.  Probably doesn't much now that she's married, though. Is there a mirror in your room?  We have one we need to put up on my door. Have you ever done hard drugs before?  No. Have you ever lived with a roommate before? Jacob and Amanda when I was in the apartment with Jason. What's the littlest you have slept in?  Naked accidentally lmao. What is your favorite juice? Mixed ones.  Particularly mango ones. Do you love one parent better than the other?  Yeah, admittedly.  But I adore them both. What’s the best club you’ve ever been to? Never been. Do you prefer hardly toasted at all or burnt toast?  You will never see me eat burnt toast. Are there any forms of Art you personally find pointless?  I will never in my entire life understand why scribbles a two-year-old could make sometimes sell for thousands.  But for the artist themselves, if it's therapeutic, then, *shrugs* Have you ever been told you naturally tilt your head a certain way?  YUP and my mom would always try to fix it.  I still do it. Who were the last two girls you texted?  Sara and Mom. When was the last time you completely broke down?  Uhhhh I'm unsure. Have you ever gone to court?  Yeah, but only to explain to a judge why I felt I should be released from the mental hospital sooner.  Won.  They wanted to keep me for a whole month and I was like um fuck no, especially when your facility sucks. When was the last time you felt left out?  *shrugs* Do you know if women in your family tend to get gray hair early? Have you yourself ever had a gray hair?  Idk, and no. Who in your family has the longest hair? How long is yours? Nicole easily has the longest.  The longer side of my hair just barely passes my ear. What professional teams do you and/or your family root for? Dad's for the Carolina Hurricanes and Cleveland Browns. How many people have you truly fallen IN love with? Two. What’s your favorite bird?  Barn owls. Does your car have an alarm?  I don't have my own car.  Mom's doesn't. What about your house?  No, but Teddy and Bentley suffice well. Have you ever seen your siblings naked?  As kids, sure, and then Nicole has like zero shame walking around the house naked after a shower to get clothes. Did you ever really believe in the tooth fairy?  Lol yeah. Would you ever get your legs waxed? No, sounds painful as fuck.  Especially when your hair's as thick as mine. @_@ Do you like the picture on your license/I.D. card? HELL NO.  It looks n o t h i n g like me. Have you ever had surgery or stitches? Both. Are you unemployed?  Yeah. Do you think the govt has a cure for cancer, but is hiding it from public? Tbh maybe.  Like, have you not heard the billion ideas that could cure cancer, but these ideas are never pursued?  And even those that have been, I would not at all be surprised if one way or even multiple have been found but kept silent because the world runs on money.  Might as well let people stay sick and milk millions out of them, right?  I don't trust the government for shit. Do you have a Mexican friend?  Yeah. Are both of your parents still alive?  Thankfully. Was your ex born in America?  All but one, although I really don't even consider us as ever dating. What popular social media platforms AREN’T you on?  I don't have a personal Instagram, no Snapchat, and I literally only have a blank Twitter to like Mark's shit get on my level. What was the last thing you were stressed about? Uhhh how am I blanking on this. Would you rather have a trampoline or swimming pool?  Pool.  I could never handle a trampoline again with my knees, plus it just doesn't entertain me as it did as a kid. Do you have the same favorite colors you had when you were a kid?  Yeah.  My favorite color has always been hues of red. What do you like to put in your tea? I hate tea. Who have you been told you look like? My sisters, at least somewhat.  And Mom and Dad. What color are your doorknobs?  Gold. Do you own a bobblehead?  No. What do you make wishes on?  Nothing. What is your city known for? "You mean Tennessee?" What is your state known for? Mountain Dew, Pepsi, Bojangle's, probably half of all country bands... What’s your favorite Paramore song?  "That's What You Get." What was the subject of your last photo shoot? I couldn't tell you the last time I was in what I'd call a "photo shoot," not since I was a kid...  The most recent one I did was of Colleen and her son. What are some of your favorite sounds?  Wind chimes, waves, fire crackling, the breeze through leaves, sARA'S SINGING YOU GO AMY LEE... lots of things. When two family members are fighting, what do you usually do?  There's a chance I'll be dumb and butt in if I think I could defuse the situation, but I'll sometimes just awkwardly stay silent. What’s your all time FAVORITE freezer food? Do you eat that a lot?  I dunno, that's broad as hell... If you had to choose, would you rather be an alcoholic or pothead?  The latter. What are you listening to?  A Jeffree Star video oops I've fallen in love with him tbh. What if someone asked you to be in a relationship with them?  I'm already happily in one so the answer would be no. What will your next piercing be?  It's probs gonna be my collarbones. Your phone is ringing. It’s your ex. What do you say?  Well I know none of my ex's numbers but Girt's, but I'll just say I knew them.  Aaron, I'd be very confused considering we haven't talked since like freshman year, but greet him like I would any old friend.  Juan or Tyler, wouldn't answer.  Girt, answer like normal.  Jason, tbh I'd answer and do whatever I could to show how much better my life is without him.  Bitchy but idc.  After the shit he shoved me into, I want him to know I came out better than ever. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?  Quite a few times but still not enough weeps. Will you kiss that person again?  YEAH. Do you like champagne?  Never tried it. Do you like cinnamon on your apple pie?  I hate pie. Do you clap or cheer when at a concert?  Only been to one, but yeah. Do you use a comb or brush?  Mostly a comb now that my hair's short. Do you eat the crust of your sandwiches?  It's the part I eat first. Have you ever had a vacation where you stayed in a cabin?  No, I wish. Would you rather call or text?  Omfg do not call me. What color would you dye your hair right now if you could, and it was guaranteed to look good?  Okay so currently I'm dying (hawhaw) to get this mostly peach color, but have it fade to fiery, reddish-orange on the longer side.  It's based on a picture and would cost over $100, so.  Guess who's not doing it anytime soon lmao. Do you like the way you look naked? PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. Have you ever dissected an animal?  In high school. Do you believe that humankind has a future in space (will we live there some day)? Maybe.  Probably, actually. What (not who) do you care about?  Gay rights, animal rights (no, not to PETA degree), equal human rights in general, the first amendment, maintaining peace/pacifism, conservation efforts... I'unno, lots of stuff, if you want the answer to be like, big topics. Who or what is really the absolute root and source of all evil?  Discontent.  Now this itself doesn't always lead to evil actions, but just about any malevolence I can think up stems from that. Has anyone ever led you on? No. Would you rather date someone 4 feet tall or 9 feet tall? The former. What is the one thing you do that your friends wish you didn’t? I've heard "don't be afraid to reach out first" a billion times. Do you believe you have a soul?  Yes. Would you rather have a child that is more confident or more curious? Curious.  Ask questions, learn things. Who influences you to be the way you are?  LOTS of people! What is one idea that you live by?  Yikes, that's hard.  But I suppose one of the biggest is that caring about the world and what's within it does wonders. How can people act to make you want to get to know them? Be super open, honest, and shameless of yourself.  See the positives, SHOW you clearly care about others, have passion... and if you're funny, that's a bonus. When are you at a loss for words?  It's honestly rare I seriously am.  If I in person was to witness something like abused dogs screaming at being pet for the first time, that'd almost definitely get me. What is the worst time to be alone? When suicidal.  You.  Need.  To.  Talk. What do your parents do that you will try never to do?  I'll never smoke like Dad.  And I'm never having kids, but if I did, I would never, ever spank them like Mom did me and my sisters. Who is your favorite visual artist?  Some folks on deviantART.  The three probably in a tie are NukeRooster (I prefer lots of her older stuff, though; also got permission to tattoo one of her paintings one day yeets loudly), sandara, and Culpeo-Fox. What is the most magical thing that has ever happened to you?  I'm fucking pathetic that time Mark reblogged my gif lmao my soul evacuated my body and left me for dead for like three days & nothing felt real.  Whenever that gif comes up in my activity now, a single tear falls. Do you have high blood pressure? No, it's usually kinda low. Have you ever pumped gas?  No.  I'm 22.  Weeps. Do you have any appointments this month?  I have a therapy and psychiatry appointment monthly, so yes. Do you like bras that have removable straps? h u n n y I ain't in the Itty-Bitty Titty Committee so it makes no difference to me, me wearing bras without straps is a danger to society. What are you the most sensitive about? Can we like never comment on my weight.  Actually, scratch that, that's not the worst.  I would probably rip someone's eyes out and sob for a week if someone claimed I did Jason wrong.  I'd fucking lose it. Have you ever left a mean unsigned note? No, I don't think I've ever left a mean note. What are three things that you try not to think about?  Perhaps more than anything is the fact one day, I may become immune to the medications that played a big role in saving my life.  I try really, really hard to never think about that.  I do pretty well at that, thankfully...  Two others are hazards of me driving and the possibility of getting another job that only flops. Is casual sex acceptable for you? Abso-fucking-lutely not. What form of sexual protection do you use? Being in a gay relationship lmao.  Okay but seriously I take birth control, but for my period. Do you believe in the need for political correctness? It's gone way too goddamn far jfc. Does anyone have a video tape of you doing something embarrassing?  Mom probably lmao. What is the worst fault a person can have?  Abusive. Who have you read a biography about?  Ozzy Osbourne. What do you find yourself encouraging others to try?  BELIEVE IN YOUR CAPABILITIES!!! Are there any animals you flat out refuse to touch?  Maggots, slugs, some spiders and insects, centipedes... If it were legal would you own a human slave (race unimportant)?  Nope. Do/did you always say goodnight to your parents before bed?  No. Are there any holidays you don’t celebrate?  It'd be easier to tell you what we do celebrate.