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diviinaee · 1 year

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☆Gavin/Freelancer☆

Adiuva me.

tw: depictions of bpd/ptsd (you can chose but this is kinda personal so it's both), alcohol use abuse/mention, unhealthy coping mechanisms, mentions of hospitalizations and past traumatic experiences in a/n and fanfic, specific depictions of mood swings, self harm, bodily injury, depictions of needles/ivs, recovery, physical hurt/comfort, does result in happy ending tho

a/n : slay uhh, I've had alot of things happened to me as of late (in author fashion), so I've been writing this to give myself a situation I could imagine for comfort. I had respiratory failure which led to alot of mental issues and was put into the Pediatric ICU which was... traumatic. I was sedated half the time and was also under heavy tranquilizers to avoid the doctors having to deal with my mood, which is not something I like hearing because I already deal with feeling like a burden. My parents left me alone half the time which ultimately led to me hallucinating and other stuff. I was alone figuratively and literally. I'm pretty open about this because I want to be what i didnt have. I want to be able to show people that they aren't alone. This world has almost 8 billion people and you are never alone. <3

It's too quiet.

At least to Gavin.

Ever since the Inversion, Gavin had not trusted Freelancer to be by themselves for long periods of times. He knew of their self destructive tendencies that would appear in the silence.

Whenever Gavin had to leave nowadays, he would inform the friend group. Most days, Lasko would bring his entire office into Freelancer's apartment in order to distract them with random knick knacks and piles of unnecessary paperwork that was easy to fill out. Other days, Damien and Huxley would make sure they were still alive. Damien would find himself in charge of medications, food, and overall the physical well-being of Freelancer, while Huxley focused more on how he could distract their emotional well-being. He would bring all the games he owned and would talk for hours about nothing specific.

Gavin appreciated the boys and their attempts at cheering up his Deviant, but in the end, he grew used to the fact that Freelancer's knots were there to stay.

No matter how much happiness, pride, and good feelings would arrive, Freelancer would always have to carry that heavy bag of trauma, sadness, and guilt. No matter how much Gavin fixed up the apartment, or how much he could fixup pretty words to form beautiful speeches, Freelancer would always hear the whispers of the past.

He would feel the knots that appeared at their core, pulling tightly at their heart. He would feel the fleeting whispering of lies from the past, both working together to plot the Freelancer's downfall.

It works, he'll give them that, but he's determined to give them the same light they have him during his times of need.

Which was why when he arrived home to nothing but silence, he attempted to work quickly.

"Freelancer? Are you here?", he asked into the air. He reached out with his aura and began to search. He recited the same traits he loved waking up too.

Determined.

Strong.

Beautiful.

Delicate-

Crying. Freelancer's crying.

He could tell it was them from a mile away. He let his magic surge and guide him to his lover. It wasn't until he drifted on top of bloody broken bottles and empty intact bottles that he realized that he should've stopped outside the bathroom door.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OR I'M FUCKING LEAVING-"

"GET OUT!"

Screaming filled the apartment again and again as Gavin attempted to diffuse the situation. He didn't want to call the department. The last thing Freelancer need was less control of their own life.

He rifted out of the small bathroom and dialled all 3 elementals at once. One by one, he merged them into a big call.

"Freelancer's place. Right now. Bring first aid."

He quickly hung up after that and rifted back into the bathroom, quickly dodging to avoid an empty bottle as it violently crashed against the wall. He looked at the wall and then back at Freelancer as he felt their magic wrap itself around another bottle, ready to throw. He very swiftly made the bottle dissolve to sand in their hands, yet it didn't stop them.

Freelancer continuously wrapped their magic around any object they could find as every part one of them was rifted into the cabnit by Gavin an an attempt to save most of their belongings. In the end, they just screamed in frustration.

Gavin felt so guilty. He should've been more careful with them. He should've seen this sooner. He should've hidden the bottles. He-

"Gavin! What happened?! It's almost 10pm if this a joke I swear to-"

The incubus rifted to the front door and hurriedly opened it and pushed the three elementals inside. Lasko held all sorts of bottles that were labeled as antiseptics for first aid, Damien held a box of what he assumed carried gauze and other bandages, and Huxley carried bottles of water and dehydration serums.

After Gavin was sure that they were all inside he pulled them towards the living room than left to go check on Freelancer.

They were a mess. There they laid, among broken glass and the cold tile, shivering. Tears stained their cheeks as they stared hard into the empty wall. Gavin slowly approached them, his head outstretched in front of them, and sat down carefully next to them.

"Honey... are you okay?", he asked quietly. He knew Freelancer would be overstimulated which made him lower his voice in an attempt not to add on to their stress. They responded to a quiet huff and ultimately brought their eyes up to look at him.

In that moment, his Freelancer couldn't have looked more vulnerable. Their eyes rimmed with tears, every knot in their core blurring over the other, their swollen eyes. Everything about them at that moment screamed at him, begged him, to help. In a sudden moment, they broke. Just like the glass they laid upon, their cover broke. They began silently sobbing as they attempted to look away from him, obviously trying to hide themselves in shame. Gavin did not like one minute of it.

"Hey, hey no, its ok. You're safe. You're okay, just let it out," he whispered quietly. With a nod of permission from the Freelancer, he slowly brought them closer to his chest. Gavin didn't care that the glass that was dug into their side was also digging into his. He didn't care about any of it. All he could do was hold them close and whisper comfort.

Eventually you have to move.

In the span of only 5 minutes, Freelancer had passed out from what he could only tell was exhaustion. He stared at their broken form.

Shards in shoulder. Arm. Their wrist is bad. Are those their ribs? Oh gods. Okay no white. Just lots of-

Gavin shook his head. He couldn't let himself spiral here in the bathroom. He needed to take them out of here so the boys could help heal their external injuries.

Freelancer weighed nothing to him. As a demon, he would pick up a building and not be fazed. So it was no surprise to any of the three elementals when he effortlessly entered the living area holding them bridal style and settled them on the couch.

Lasko's eyes widened, "O-oh god, t-t-that's-"

Damien on the other hand, quickly got to work. He rummaged through his box and was quickly able to find a needle needed for an IV. He opened an orange tourniquet and quickly, but carefully, wrapped it around their arm in order to find a good vein to use. After a minute of searching, he got one. "Huxley give me one the IV bags."

"On it."

Gavin watched as Damien hurried tried to hook up the serum to Freelancer. He and Lasko had been taking turns healing some of the deeper cuts to the best of their abilities. Now all they could do was wait.

After the IV was stabilized and some of Freelancer's more complicated wounds were taken care of and properly bandaged, the group final was able to sit on the floor in relief. Damien leaned against Huxley as the latter leaned his head onto the table, whereas Gavin and Lasko were each leaning into their hands.

"What in hell happened-"

"Dames-"

A soft breath came from Freelancer which made the group stopped and cautiously looked over at them. After that, neither of them wanted to speak. At some point, Gavin didn't know how much time had gone by and softly said, "I came home to them screaming surrounded by bottles. I don't know what happened."

Damien, Huxley, and Lasko all stared at him as they listened. They didn't know what to say. They all knew Freelancer could get this bad, but every single experience caught them by surprise. This wasn't something you could prepare for. It was like an unexpected war call. The floods gates would open and you'd have to hang on to the nearest thing, all while hoping it's stable.

Gavin looked over to his Deviant. They looked so peaceful sleeping there on their couch. If he could ignore the context of his they got there, it would've been cute. But it wasn't.

Damien spoke up, "It's fine Gavin. It's not your fault for not knowing. What matters now is that they're safe and well." He probably heard Gavins mind screaming at itself, it's words twisting with guilt. Damien could always tell.

"Yeah dude. Sometimes we don't know what's gonna happen, but that's okay! We had solutions and we all worked together to help", Huxley said tiredly. It was late. Almost midnight.

Lasko quietly rambled, "Y-yeah, it's not your fault Gavin. D-d-d-don't beat yourself up ab-bout it."

Gavin softly huffed, "You're all right. It doesn't help to sulk in guilt. What matters now is how we can help moving foward."

After long discussions, they found solutions. Someone will be with Freelancer for a handful of days. That way, someone will always be available in case or an emergency.

Although Freelancer was unconscious, Gavin hoped they could feel this. The soft feeling of sincerity. He hoped they could feel the love each one them had for the amazingly, loving Freelancer they had all met.

He hoped that the stars would write them happy lifes, and happy endings. In the end, he hoped the River's current wouldn't dare take his Freelancer away.

a/n : lol i made myself fucking cry. umm, I'm not really this emotional when doing angst. usually its really easy and quick but I wanted this to be genuine. I know that frustration of seeing a fanfic or book and the problem being resolved with a simple kiss or some cheesy shit. I know all of that. The anger, the disappointment. I hope I was able to depict a situation that not only I but others can relate to and find comfort in.

If you suffer with anything, be it big or small, reach out to someone. It doesn't matter whether people say it matters or not. You have a voice and you deserve to be heard. My dms are always open for anyone.

Hope you enjoy. <333

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #redactedverse #redacted freelancer #redacted gavin #redacted damn #divine fanfics !

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