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mieczyhale · 4 years

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a messy explanation of things and unnecessary information about life lately

soooo... right. i’m sorry i haven’t really been around aside from popping in here and there, and that i’ve been taking longer than usual to reply to things / not replying to things at all. it’s NOT that i’m upset with anyone or trying to ignore / avoid anyone, and it’s not that i don’t care / don’t love talking to you (whomstever you may be) i love chatting with y’all and wish i could get myself to reply to things quicker but i do not control the me lmfao honestly my sleep has never had a schedule but in recent weeks it’s kinda been operating like there’s a lil gremlin in my head who spins a wheel and picks my sleeping times at random - and it’s either like.. two hours or most of a day. there hasn’t been a lot of in between so that’s a thing!!

also in a fun added mix of maybe sleep?, missing meds, being stuck in the house more often than not, and the FUCKING EVERYTHING happening in the world right now my mental health is... probably run by the same goblin that runs my sleep schedule lmao consistency whomst?? since the lockdown started the depression has of course been around more but actually, worse than that, is how my anxiety - and by extension: my ocd - have really amped up and i need y’all to know that the struggle is painfully real (and another thing that affects shit like my replies and writing. reading as well. fics have been kinda stressful and that should be illegal. who authorized this?) i don’t hate talking about it but i don’t really like it either?? especially like.. in depth. but i will say there has been crying, screaming, pain!, and i’ve acquired a few physical injuries.

yeah

on a personal level - a ‘just me’ level - shit is an even bigger mess than usual lmao but all these things will get better eventually - they always do.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NOW

ON A PERSONAL LEVEL - THE FULL LEVEL - THINGS.... are pretty great actually! i mean aside from the state of my fucking house e__e but Josh has been working from home for two (2) months now and it’s been really nice - people complaining about their partners being home?? can’t relate. yknow what?? i just might love that tall bastard even more from all this.fuck all y’all miserable fucks

we’ve been going out for drives and we’ve gone fishing and the only place i’ve gone too that’s re-opened is goodwill. because i require.. the shop. they do have a masks required rule! (at least at the one here) and, alongside that, the places we’ve gone that never closed (like grocery stores and the gas station and the hardware store) have social distancing rules and stuff in place which i love. can we keep social distancing after this is all over?? more things here in wisconsin are opening up and we might go to some. idk though. we also might not. either way its still a weird kind of exciting to see things opening back up?? even though i do think we’re not totally in the clear because most of our gov. sucks (our mayor tried to extend our stay-at-home order - keyword there is TRIED. we are the land of cheese, cows, and no fucking braincells for anyone)

having pets is obviously not a new thing for me but it’s still a thing. so it takes time and effort and energy and patience and love and a certain disregard for your own safety (claws. they really be as sharp as you think) so... it can be stressful, especially cuz we’ve had to keep them inside more as it gets hot out and something keeps breaking our porch screens (our cats are allowed onto our screened in porch or they can go out in a harness but we will never let them run free outside. fuck that noise) my bbies are all so cute and their personalities and idiosyncrasies are just... *chefs kiss* i love em and they’re definitely a part of what has made quarantine better

i’ve seen my mom a few times, like for my birthday and when she needed help moving Isaiah from one dorm to another and such, but that’s primarily been an option because she has become anti-mask and anti-stay-at-home-order. initially she wasn’t - she gave Isaiah and i fun lil masks since at that time trying to buy them would be impossible and she thought nothing of staying home - but i guess either as its dragged on or as she’s consumed her middle-right wing news that changed s o. she does take social distancing in public very seriously though, so at least there’s that. our favorite coffee shop, where we - pre-lockdown - always went one (1) or two (2) times a week to do art for hours re-opens on monday and that’s one of the few things i’ve truly missed.

josh’s camping trip for this weekend with his friends had to be cancelled because the parks weren’t going to open in time. so today they’re going somewhere to do at least some of the things they would have done if they had gone camping. bikes, bonfires, and cigars. i’m kinda jealous negl but he was really excited about it so mostly i’m happy

trying to figure out how human services was running things during lockdown was rough but thankfully it didn’t take much to get it sorted. mostly because my mom made the phone call i was supposed to lol (the phone anxiety is on its own level) so wednesday afternoon my mom sat with me while i had the appointment with my psychiatrist over speakerphone (which was.. an experience)

ummm.....

OH YEAH! Probably absolutely my favorite thing that’s happened is: WE’RE STARTING THE SEARCH FOR A NEW HOUSE!!!! it doesn’t mean we’re gonna be moving soon or anything, we don’t want to make the same mistake twice (buying the first house you tour that you love) because while it is a great house ultimately it is way too small for us. i mean there’s me and josh, all six cats, and ALL OUR SHIT. listen: i have an entire room dedicated to my various hobbies. and a walk in closet that isn’t big enough. and we both have collections we love and want to display (right now upstairs its hello kitty and downstairs its astronomy and the titanic. and then there’s pop figures, mtg, collectibles, our bottle collection and various knickknacks, etc.) plus all our books! then furniture and cat furniture (i.e towers) and all their shit because they are spoiled babies. and god forbid we ever have a human kid?? yeah. it’s just not big enough.

so we’re gonna take more time with this choice but what we do know is:: we wanna live out in the country (i’m paranoid and don’t like to be looked at and he loves the outdoors, lived on a farm for awhile. i also enjoy the outdoors but mostly since we moved into this house i’ve struggled with doing anything outside... while we only have one neighbor on our road. but there’s one across the road and one at the other side of our backyard and that’s just too much lol)

lets see.. um.... my birthday was may 2nd and that was pretty nice, for a pandemic birthday. there’s been a lot of stuff happening involving josh’s family but that’s not something i really wanna get into on here, tho i will say things have been better in recent weeks and it’s been... really nice. josh and i went to his mom’s house the other night and got drunk with her for fun and i actually had a really good time?? and didn’t complain about going?? that’s kinda unheard of.

i don’t have a job anymore - haven’t since early march-ish - and it kinda sucks but also the universe really did me a solid because my choices were either allow myself to work until i have a mental break again or quit. and i was leaning towards quitting (things had been going down hill with the owner and other employees and just the business as a whole for awhile and there’s a limit to the amount of bullshit i can take thanks) but now it doesn’t seem i have to. why do i think i’m jobless? i was barely working anyway, bc of the snow business was slow, and in march i got really sick and stayed home for a week. the day i was supposed to go back i was still sick, and covid19 was starting to become more of a serious situation everywhere, so josh called in for me and explained that between still being sick and my anxiety over covid (asthma + a not so great immune system) i wasn’t going in that day. i never heard from them again. so.

but it’s all good - there are some options but i’m not looking into them seriously until it’s safe to.

THAT’S ALL OF FUCKING THAT ON THAT

i felt it wouldn’t be a bad idea to come on here and explain A. what’s been going on and B. where i’ve been and C. that if i haven’t responded to you or acknowledged something you sent me / tagged me in it’s literally just because i either forgot to (for all reasons and none) or i don’t have the mental space / energy to. but that doesn’t mean you have to stop talking to me! even if i don’t respond or respond immediately i do read everything and i would die for any one of you fuckers (especially my clowns and the tom hardy movie)

oh! and just btw - sometimes i don’t get notifications (quelle surprise) tumblr and skype should really pair up and talk about their truly great systems that function so well /s 8| ANYWAY: the best and most reliable ways to get my attention are twitter ( @/mieczyhale) and discord (same name) because i have yet to see their notifications fail. ahem.

i feel like i’m missing things / forgetting things but honestly this post is long enough and also enough of a rambley mess that i’m just gonna try and ignore that feeling and carry on with my goddamn day so i might actually accomplish something. sorry if there’s spelling off or missing words. i’m not taking the time to re-read this and might even delete it bc it’s already giving me anxiety bUT WE’LL SEE ALRIGHT HI AND BYE I LOVE YOU GUYS <3

#might delete later?? probably?? havent decided.#maison speaks #tinysquidrachel

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chungledown-bimothy · 4 years

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Keep Talking, Oh, Keep Talking

So, I know it’s been FOREVER since I posted any writing, and that’s mostly because I was working on this @sanderssantas fic for @mewithanie! So sorry about how long it’s been, and hopefully I’ll be posting things again slightly more often lol

I had so much fun writing this! Happy holidays, mewithanie! <3

AO3 Masterlist

Summary: Patton and Virgil were deliriously in love and didn’t think they could get any happier. Enter Logan, Virgil’s tutor.

Warnings: alcohol use, slight intoxication.

Pairing(s): established moxiety into analogicality

Word Count: 2,647 (plus 2 fake-texts images)

Tag List: @ren-allen @ccecode @emo-sanders-sides-loving-unicorn @ilovemygaydad @bloodropsblog @funsizedgremlin @raygelkitty @roxiefox23 @thomasthesandersengine

Patton loved his boyfriends. He loved them so much that sometimes, when he thought about them, his heart would race, his knees would go weak, and his head would spin. Especially since Logan joined the relationship.

Patton and Virgil met the first day of college, in their shared psychology class. It wasn't long until they started dating, and a year later, they moved in together. Patton had known for years that he was polyamorous, but he kept that to himself, because he was blissfully happy with Virgil, and it was never relevant. Until the second semester after they moved in together, that is.

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Eight Months Ago

Fifteen minutes later, Virgil walked through the front door of the apartment and was immediately caught in a bear hug.

"Well hello to you too," Virgil laughed, despite his terrible mood.

"What, a guy can't be excited to see his favorite stormcloud?" Patton looked up at him, his expression just a little bit too innocent.

"Patton, what did you do?" Virgil questioned, remembering the cupcake tower Patton made the night before their first set of final exams together and the time he came home from his first therapy session to find the living room covered in fairy lights.

"Nothing major; I promise. Come look!" Patton took him by the hand and practically dragged him into the kitchen. "See? Just a lasagna. Let's eat while you tell me about your meeting and this mysterious Logan guy."

Virgil got a couple plates and served the lasagna as he started talking. "Turns out, he's in my class. I've mentioned front-and-center-nerd before, yeah?" Patton laughed.

"Dresses more professionally than the teacher, kinda cute but also seems stuck up?"

"Yep, that's the guy. He's a lot chiller than I thought he'd be. Anyway, we're gonna meet after class every Wednesday for the rest of the semester."

"I'm sure it's gonna go great!"

Five Months Ago

"Hi, I'm Patton! Nice to meet you; Virgil has said such wonderful things about you!" Patton half-yelled over the music playing at the bar.

"Oh, erm, hello. I am Logan, although clearly you already knew that. Virgil has spoken highly of you as well." Logan fought the impulse to adjust his tie. Patton opened his mouth to say something else, but Virgil arrived with their drinks, passing them out as he sat down.

"Alright, we've got a whiskey neat for Logan, some IPA that the bartender recommended for you, Pat, and a rum and Coke for me. Honestly, though, Patton, I don't get how you can drink those. I had a sip of yours on my way over, and it was awful."

Patton laughed. "Yeah, they're not for everyone, but I like 'em! And it's hard to drink too many of them, unlike your drinks, so I don't get super drunk- my tolerance is garbage. Anyway," he continued with a mock glare at his boyfriend, "we aren't here to make fun of the way I drink, we're here to celebrate Virgil!" He raised his glass.

"Indeed. It has been an honor working with you this past semester, Virgil, and I am proud to see your hard work pay off," Logan added, raising his glass as well.

Virgil blushed and refused to look at either of them. "I barely got a B+, that's hardly a reason to celebrate," he mumbled.

"Falsehood. Truthfully, when we began working together, I doubted that you would be able to achieve higher than a C. You worked incredibly hard, not only on the subject matter, but on how you approached studying. Your dedication is truly inspiring."

"Hear hear! Virge, I know how hard this class has been on you. You've worked that cute butt of yours off for it, and that alone deserves celebration, even before you take into account how much that hard work paid off! But if it helps, we can call this a general post-finals celebration, okay?" Patton was rewarded with a grateful smile.

"You guys deserve to be celebrated too. Logan, you have been so incredibly patient with me; I know that I'm not exactly the most pleasant to be around when I get frustrated, so, thanks for sticking with me, I guess. And Pat, you've had my back since day one. I love you more than I could ever say, baby." He pressed a sweet kiss to Patton's cheek, and Logan was suddenly very interested in his drink.

"Loooogan has anyone told you how pretty you are?" Patton hit his hands on the table, almost knocking over the glass that once contained a strawberry daiquiri; he'd decided he wanted something sweeter after two beers.

"No no no no, the prettiest one here is Virgil. Those cheekbones have got to be illegal somewhere," Logan wasn't any more sober, two whiskeys in. "And his face when he's focusing on studying is just the cutest thing everrr."

"Oh I know! Have you seen him do the thing where he sticks his tongue out a little bit when he's really concentrating?" Patton was practically bouncing in his seat, continuing to be a danger to the glasses.

"Dear Newton yes! I had to excuse myself and get a drink of water the first time I saw him do it."

"Wait, that's why you left? I thought it was because you were getting frustrated with how long it was taking me to get it!" Virgil chimed in, astonished.

"Sounds like he was some sort of frustrated alright," Patton muttered.

"Look. We all know that Virgil is an incredibly attractive man, and I am a simple homosexual. That said, Patton, I apologize for the… less than appropriate thoughts I may have had before I knew that he was in a relationship at all, let alone one as objectively adorable as yours."

Patton giggled. "No worries, Lolo! Like you said, my man is an entire three-course meal, and it would be silly of me to hold natural, human thoughts against you! And besides, you weren't the only one in those study sessions with some interesting thoughts, right Virgey?"

"Oh my god Patton I cannot believe you just said that!" Virgil hid his flaming blush behind his hands.

"Oops! Sorry, V!"

"You- you're okay with that? Your boyfriend and a stranger having lewd thoughts about each other?" Logan asked.

"Well yeah! I'm not the jealous type, and I trust Virgil. What's important to me is open and honest communication, and he told me about his attraction to you almost immediately. Plus, in all honesty, I found it kinda hot, especially once he showed me a picture of you."

Logan looked to Virgil and raised an eyebrow. Virgil game the same look to Patton, who, after a moment of confusion and then realization, nodded slightly and leaned back in his chair. Once Patton gave his blessing, Virgil leaned in and kissed Logan, soft and unsure. After they separated, Logan approached Patton and, after receiving another nod of consent, pressed a similar kiss to his lips.

The next morning

"So… can we talk about what happened last night?" Patton asked sweetly over breakfast.

"Oh my god are you actually not okay with it? Patton, I'm so sorry I shouldn't have-"

"Hey, Virgil, no, I really did mean that it was okay. More than okay, even. In fact, I think now is a good time to tell you that I'm polyamorous. I had a lot of fun hanging out with Logan last night, and I'd like to get to know him better. And clearly you are both into each other. I love you so much, and I just want you to be happy. If you want to, I think at least a conversation with Logan about it couldn't hurt."

Virgil sat in silence, sipping his coffee occasionally, for several minutes before speaking. "Pat, I love you more than I can possibly say. I'm honestly not surprised that you're polyam; you have so much love to give. I, uh, I actually am too. So, uh, I guess I'll call Logan? See if he wants to get lunch or something?"

"Aww yay! Okay, I'm gonna go take a shower real quick." Patton kissed Virgil quickly on the cheek on his way out of the room.

Virgil took a steadying breath and took out his phone.

Logan straightened his tie and cleared his throat. "If I am understanding this correctly, you are both polyamorous and… wish for me to join your relationship?"

"Not so formally, but yeah? Last night, it was clear we all find each other hot. Which, like, duh, you're both gorgeous and sometimes I look pretty okay. Not now, Pat." Virgil preempted Patton's interruption without looking away from Logan. "I like you a lot, and I think you and Patton would also get along really well. So, uh, yeah, this is us asking you out. Not asking for any sort of commitment or anything, just hanging out and going on dates and stuff. You know, normal dating stuff. Just… with two of us."

"Only if you want to! And if you wanted to just date Virgil, I'd be completely okay with that too, but I had a lot of fun last night, and I'd love to get to know you better."

A tense moment of silence later, Logan spoke. "Let me begin by saying how flattered I am by your interest, both of you. While I am… inclined to accept your invitation to date both of you, I have never put much thought into my own feelings about polyamory for myself. Obviously, it is a completely normal and rational thing; my hesitation is in how I might fit into your so well-established relationship. Additionally, feelings do not come easily to me, and I find them exceedingly frustrating trying to understand. I have been reliably informed that this makes me a poor romantic partner." He took a breath and adjusted his tie.

"I have noticed that you are both quite vocally and physically publicly affectionate with each other, and I wonder whether my reticence with such displays would leave you unhappy with me. I have historically struggled to show adequate affection to just one person; I cannot imagine I would be able to give you both the kind of affection you seem to crave. In short, while I would like to accept, I currently cannot see it ending in anything but significant emotional distress for all of us. I apologize, most sincerely."

"I think I can safely speak for both of us when I say that we appreciate your honesty," Patton began gently. "Can I address some of your points?" Logan gave him a confused look, but nodded. "Thank you! So, it seems like your big concern is that you're afraid your emotional reticence would in some way hurt us or leave us unsatisfied. Am I understanding that right?" He waited for another nod before continuing. "To be honest, Lo, that's just silly. Are you familiar with Gary Chapman's concept of love languages?" Logan shook his head.

"Chapman posited that there are five ways people experience and express love- gifts, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, and physical touch- and everyone prefers to give and receive one or two of them over the others. Mine is words of affirmation, and Virgil's is physical touch; that's why we are as outwardly affectionate as we are. Trying to force a partner to 'speak' your language and not their own is just going to make everyone unhappy; healthy relationships require everyone involved to understand what the others need and want. We would never try to force you into anything you aren't comfortable with. We want to date you, Logan, not some version of you that pretends to be something or someone you aren't. If you let us, we'd love to learn your love language and not ask or expect anything else of you."

"Also," Virgil chimed in, "as to your worry about how you'd fit? Not a worry at all. I love Patton so much, and his energy and positivity makes me feel so good most of the time, but sometimes it can be... a bit much. He's wonderful at giving me space when I want it, but I know that I'd enjoy having someone else around who's more grounded. On the other hand, I remember quite a few study sessions that got diverted by you going on a tangent about something you love. If you think that passion isn't something Patton is going to join you in, you're incredibly wrong. And I think that his energy will help draw you out of that thick shell of yours, while I'll always be a more down-to-earth realist with you. I think we'd all be great for each other, if you're willing to give us the chance to show you. Only if you want to, though. One word, and we'll shut up about it forever." He gave Logan an anxious smile.

"In the face of such reasonable responses to my concerns, I suppose I have no choice but to gladly accept." Virgil and Patton both silently melted at the pure joy in Logan's smile. Well, Virgil was silent. Patton let out a squeal of delight that only dogs could hear.

---------------------

Present

Patton loved his boyfriends so much, just remembering the beginning of their story made him dizzy. Wait. No. Bad dizzy. I need to- he collapsed on the bathroom floor with a resounding THUD.

THUD

Virgil jumped out of his seat. "Logan? Patton??" he called as he ran from their bedroom to the living room.

"Patton? Virgil?" Logan shouted at the same time. They met in the living room.

"Shit, where's Patton? PATTON!" Virgil yelled.

"It sounded like it came from the bathroom." Logan had barely finished his sentence before they both started running. They skidded to a halt outside the closed door; Virgil knocked.

"Patton? Are you in there? Are you okay?"

Three seconds of silence later, Logan knocked. "Patton, we are coming in." They opened the door to find him collapsed on the floor.

"Patton, can you hear us? Patton??" Virgil fell to his knees, checking for breathing and a pulse. "He's got a weak pulse, but it's there, and he's breathing okay. I don't- what do we do, Lo?" Virgil's voice was barely more than a shaky squeak.

Logan, on the other hand, spoke with cool, detached clarity. "Assuming that Patton collapsed due to a loss of consciousness, he has been unconscious for approximately thirty seconds. If he is out for another minute, we will call 911. In the meantime, go get a glass of water and all the pillows from the living room. Quickly, Verge. We need to get him back." They locked eyes and saw mirrored concern and panic. Virgil turned and ran to the kitchen. He was back in 45 seconds, and found Logan holding up Patton's groggy, but conscious, head.

"Virgil, you're back. Excellent. Here, give me a couple of pillows." He tucked them under his head gently, while Virgil knelt down beside him and took his hand. Only then did he notice how much his own were shaking.

"Patton, are you okay? What happened?"

"Mmf, dunno. Got dizzy. Are you guys okay?" Patton mumbled.

"Patton, of- of course we are okay; you're the one who fell. We should get you into bed. Do you think you can stand?" Logan asked.

"I- I don't think so, not quite yet." Logan and Virgil once again met eyes in a silent conversation.

"Okay, Pat, knees up, I'm gonna carry you." With an ease that surprised and slightly aroused Logan, Virgil picked Patton up, placed a soft kiss to his forehead, and carried him to the bedroom. "Let's get you to bed, baby; we'll take good care of you. You're gonna be just fine," he said softly into Patton's hair.

Once they got him to bed, they tucked him in, Logan made chicken noodle soup for when Patton felt up to it, and they gave him all of the cuddles he could possibly want. Which is, of course, an unlimited amount.

#analogicality #moxiety #analogical #logicality #logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #my writing #sanders sides fanfiction

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my-emotional-self · 7 years

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Let Me Protect You Chapter 2/?

Pairings: Chris Evans x OFC Emilia

Chapter: Two

Word Count: 2,206

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Swearing

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of Self-Harm, Mentions of Domestic Abuse

Summary: After Emilia’s fiancé cheats on her, she moves to California to live with her brother Eric, who just so happens to be good friends with Chris Evans. Follow Emilia and her roller coaster life through heartbreak, love, and emotional trauma. Will Emilia choose to let Chris into her heart, or will she remain broken and alone forever?

Emilia’s P.O.V

Waking up at the ass crack of dawn was by no means your idea of fun. You were a night owl, the dark always felt soothing to you. It was harder for people to get a read on you, especially since you wore your emotions on your face easily.

You stretched your muscles and were pleasantly surprised to see they didn’t ache too badly. You could also feel the tightness in your wrist, knowing the red lines will scab start to scab within a day or two. Giving yourself a small smile, knowing you had accomplished what you needed; to keep your emotions at bay a little.

Getting your duffle bag, you pull on a new pair of underwear, loving the way your boyshorts hugged your ass. You were always happy that you had curves. A decent size butt and C cup breasts. Maybe one day you would work on trying to tone your stomach and thighs, but not now. Right now you had one thing in mind, getting to LA, seeing your brother and starting over. Finishing up your outfit, you put on a long sleeve dark grey t-shirt, and some dark wash distressed skinny jeans.

After checking out of the hotel, you jump into your jeep and hit the open road once again. Only 14 more hours to go.

Chris’ P.O.V

“Hello?” I ask as I answer my phone, not at all happy to see the name on the screen.

“Hey baby! What are you up to”? My ex Minka asks me.

“Minka, I’ve asked you repeatedly to stop calling me that, or any pet name for that matter. We are no longer together anymore, so stop trying, please” I huff out a sigh.

Ever since I became single again after my last breakup a few months ago, Minka has been trying to wiggle her way back into my heart, and my bed. We’ve been so on and off over the years, I know I would gain nothing from it if we tried again.

“I can see you woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. I was curious as to what you were up to. I guess I will see you on Friday at Eric’s party then” she spat out then quickly hung up.

I roll my eyes at the thought of having to see her on Friday at the party. She has always been the jealous type, even though we aren’t together anymore. Anytime she sees me talking to a girl, she goes ballistic.

Speaking of girls, I know Eric’s sister Emilia will be arriving today. I couldn’t sleep much last night, Emilia on my mind and what her ex fiancé did to her. I don’t even know the girl and for some reason I can’t get my mind off of her. What she looks like, what her voice sounds like. All those thoughts kept running through my mind. I’m excited to meet her on Friday.

I always like trying to meet new people who are just normal and out of the spotlight. It makes me feel like an ordinary person when I’m around them, and that is what I’m looking for now that I have a few months off. No projects or movies, just a few interviews here and there in LA.

Emilia’s P.O.V

Pulling into Eric’s driveway, my heart is beating out of my chest. I haven’t seen my brother in almost a year. I’ve missed him so damn much. We were so close growing up; he was my protective big brother. I’ve always needed someone to protect me. Not much in a physical way, but more of an emotional and mental way. That is the kind of person I have always drawn myself to. The kind of person to help me overcome the strong feelings that always seems to tear me down. Charlie was like that, even though he cheated on me.

There was another problem I had, that I know really worried me now that I was in LA; trusting people. I’ve always had a big heart, which in turn has me trusting people so easily. But like usual, that is my fault. I’m always to blame and I’ve come to terms with that.

“EMILIA!” I hear my brother yell as I get out of the Jeep. “I’ve fucking missed you little sis”.

“Oh god, it’s so good to see you Eric” I manage to say as we embrace and tears stream down my face.

His hugs are the best and I can always get lost in the protectiveness of them. This, this is where I feel safest.

“How was your trip” Eric asks as he helps me grab my bags.

“Long and tiring, but has helped me calm down a bit. You know how driving always does that to me. Just give me an open road, blast some music and sing along at the top of my lungs and my problems disappear”.

“Well I am so relieved you made it here without any problems. Both dad and I were constantly texting and calling each other freaking out a little bit. Let’s get inside and I will show you around the house and you can get settled in the guest house. After that, we will order some pizza, drink some beers, and catch up like old times. I took tomorrow and Friday off work, and Friday I’m throwing a party here so you can meet some of my friends”.

Eric showed me around his house, and fuck, was I ever impressed. He has been doing well out here and I am so proud of him. While the house isn’t a mansion or anything, it’s very beautiful. A modern house with all the updates you could imagine. It’s a three bedroom, four bathroom house. Enough bedrooms to have his drunken buddies stay over if needed. However, the best part about the house is the pool outside. Growing up in the land of 10,000 lakes, I was always swimming. When I was younger, I always wanted to grow up to be a mermaid.

I start unpacking the few boxes I was able to fit into my jeep. It was mainly clothes, and a few personal belongings. All my other things were being shipped by my father and would be here by tomorrow or Friday.

As I unpack, I stall as a thought pops into my head. Wondering if I had the courage to tell Eric about my secret I have been hiding ever since I started dating Charlie. The pain. I always welcomed pain in any form to help with my emotions. Wanting to feel anything other than the nagging guilt, the guilt of being alive. Or the embarrassment of always doing something wrong. Charlie would get mad sometimes and you knew it was always your fault. Maybe you forgot to clean up to kitchen, or forgot to put the laundry away and instead it got wrinkled. The pain, in your eyes, was welcomed though. The strength he would use to grip your wrists and arms. Sometimes a smack across the face. At least if Charlie hurt you, you wouldn’t have to hurt yourself.

After debating about it, I decided to let it go and not tell Eric. He was always my protector, and telling him would not only make him mad, it would make him incredibly sad, and I just couldn’t do that to him. Especially since he is opening up his house to me. I would just pretend as if it never happened.

An hour later you were lounging on your brothers’ couch eating pizza and drinking beer.

“So, now that I’m here, are you going to reveal who you are a publicist for?” I ask as I stretch and get more comfy on the couch.

“Frank Grillo”, he responds with a smile on his face.

“Seriously? Dead fucking serious, don’t you lie to me Eric. Fucking Crossbones himself’?

I’m honestly a little shocked he never told me before. He knows how much of a huge fan I am of the Marvel Universe; Captain America specifically.

“Hey, you never once asked before”, he chuckles as he raises his hands in the air. “In all honesty, Frank is such a great guy. Super down to earth, you would really like him Em”.

“Wait, are you saying I get to meet him sometime?”

“Well yeah, he’s coming to the party on Friday. Even though I work for him, we are pretty close. He is one of my closest friends out here”.

I sit and fidget with my beer bottle, peeling at the label. I wonder if he has met any other cast members from Captain America. I can’t help but give a genuine small smile thinking he has met Cap himself, Chris Evans.

“I know that smile Em, what is it you want to ask me?”

“Who all have you met from the Captain America movies?” I question as I raise my eyebrows.

“If you’re talking about Chris Evans, then yes, I have met him before”.

“DUDE! What the fucking hell. How could you not tell me this before?” I grab a throw pillow from the couch and throw it in his direction.

Eric throws his hands in front of his face to deflect the pillow I had thrown him. “Because you never asked, plus, I didn’t want you mad at me knowing I met him while you were stuck back at home”.

My brother has met Chris Evans before. Damn, what a lucky son of a bitch. I don’t want to press any further asking if he is friends with him, or if he only met him once or twice. I would be getting my hopes up, and I don’t want to be disappointed anymore with myself than I already was, so I decide to just drop it.

I found out Eric had yet to see Stranger Things, and after explaining to him the brilliance of the show, we decided to get comfy and watch it. I got the big couch all to myself, while Eric took the smaller loveseat. I was dead tired from driving so much today. I could feel myself slipping in and out, until finally I succumbed to the darkness.

Chris’ P.O.V

I spent the last hour searching all over for my favorite pair of sunglasses. Sure, I had a few different pairs, but these were my favorite pair. My mother had gotten them for me for my birthday last year. Thinking back to when I last wore them, I realize I left them at Eric’s house. It was dark when I left, it would make sense that I didn’t think about wearing my sunglasses.

I notice it’s only 10p.m on Wednesday night, I’m sure Eric would still be up. I pick up my phone and give him a call.

“Hello?” I hear Eric say in a rather quiet tone.

“Hey man, sorry, did I wake you?”

“No I’m still up, but Emilia is sleeping on the couch right now, I just don’t want to wake her. She had a pretty long day with the drive and everything.”

“Shit, sorry about that. I was wondering if I left my sunglasses over there last night.”

“Yeah, I have them here on the counter. Why don’t you stop by if you aren’t busy and grab them.”

“Are you sure, I don’t want to trouble you or wake Emilia. I can always grab them tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry about it. She is passed out, even though she’s a light sleeper, I don’t think a tsunami would wake her up at this point.”

“Alright, I’ll be there in five minutes” I say as I hang up the phone, grab my keys, and head over to his house.

As I get out of my car, I see Eric is already standing on the steps out front. He must not want me ringing the doorbell and change waking Emilia up. I don’t blame him, she’s had a long day and deserves some rest.

“Come on in, we can head out in the backyard and have some beers” he says as we start walking towards the kitchen.

I look to my left and see Emilia fast asleep on the couch, the blanket bunched up at her feet. I didn’t know what I was expecting when I first saw her, but I wasn’t expecting her to take my breath away. She was beautiful, in such a natural way. She had beautifully pale skin, and I could see a few freckles scattered across her cheekbones and her nose. Her red hair really standing out against her pale face, and her lips pursed out a little. Although her eyes were closed, I could still see the dark circles she had under her eyes. Poor girl has had it rough the last few days.

I hear Eric sneak up behind me. “Be careful Evans, if you wake her up, and she finds you looking at her when she is half out it from sleep; be prepared for some kung fu moves and screaming.”

We walk out to the backyard with a few beers in hand, and talk about the party on Friday, and just enjoy the crisp air of an early autumn night in LA.

A/N:

I didn’t really like how I ended the chapter. I’m sorry about that. But I still hope you all enjoyed it!! Thank you for reading!!

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