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elizajanetc · 5 years

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everything has changed | juliza

Tagged: Eliza & @julcshough

When: Wednesday night, 1/30 on the beach

Warnings: NSFW, smut

Julianne: Jules really hadn't seen much of the beach besides the walk along it two days ago, anyone who knew her knew that wasn't enough for her when she lived at the beach when she lived in LA. The cool breeze assaulting her face the moment she stepped outside, the darkening sky hovering a dark shield over the beach, luckily there were torches and bonfires set up by the resort that allowed the guests to enjoy the beauty of the beach under new gleam. In her simple jean shorts and string bikini top she stepped over the threshold to the beach. The sound of the crashing waves drowning out all her hearing trying to look for her best friend. Smiling quickly when she saw her. She had not well thought out exactly what kind of fun they could have here but really she just wanted to see Eliza cause it felt like days since they got to honestly connect and text messages werent always the best.

Eliza: It was a weird mix of emotions coursing through Eliza as she sat on the beach waiting for Julianne to join her so they could spend some time together. Things had changed for her recently, not just because of her break up with Alycia but because she had found herself feeling something for Jules. For days she had tried to push it away because her best friend was engaged, but today when they had playfully flirted, the full rush of the feelings hit Eliza like a ton of bricks. And she had been doing her best all day to push them deep down, knowing that's where the needed to be. Eliza stood up when she saw Julianne approaching, a smile on her face as she stood up in her own bathing suit top with shorts. "There she is," she grinned and reached out to hug her tightly, trying but failing to prevent herself from checking her out, "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever, so I'm glad we're fixing that."

Julianne: The teasing by text, it just opened a grand 'What if' to Julianne and she actually found herself not wanting to fight off the obvious flirting with her good friend and actually asking the question what it be like to be with her. Least what she thought was flirting, she couldn't be sure and couldnt explore it too much cause she was engaged. She loved Aaron don't get her wrong and she would never ever cheat on anyone but she coudn't help her mind from just wondering. Even Eliza's greeting and well obvious checking her out made her feel seen, something illusive to her as of late. "here I am!" God why was she so nervous right now. "I know I just wanted to get to be with you." her stumbling words making it more clear how nervous she was but there was a seed of deep truth in there she jsut needed to physically be near Eliza right now.

Eliza: Just the feeling of having her arms wrapped around Julianne ignited whatever this was that had popped up so suddenly, and Eliza tried her hardest to push it down as deep as she could. But the next words out of Jules' mouth made that nearly impossible, and she felt her own heartbeat speed up in the process. "You can be with me anytime. Just say the words, and I'm yours," she smiled softly, amazed by the power behind the words. Hoping that Jules wasn't able to tell just how much she meant them, even if Eliza was pretty positive that her own eyes gave it away. "I figured we could take a little walk down the beach, maybe make a pit stop at the beach bar to grab a drink for on our walk?" she told her, grabbing her hand to start leading her down the beach with a huge smile on her face, "Are you in or are you in?"

Julianne: Julianne giving a little smile at the very comforting offer. She took them at complete face value, didnt even need a second thought on it. Jules got caught in Eliza's eyes how they were holding that look that one she couldn't peg but finding herself staring into them for longer than was expected. The warmth of the other blonde's hand fully encompassing her own there was those damn tingles again like when she thought a little to long on the texts earlier. "I am so in." Yeah she would need that drink soon to stop these fantasizing rabbit trails she was having once again. Jules lengthened and laced her fingers together with Eliza a purely intimate act as that delicate skin to skin friction driving her to softly moan.

Eliza: Eliza could feel the weight of Julianne's stare searing into her, and she was sure she blushed a bit from the intensity of the small moment, one she knew she was reading way too much into. "That's my girl," she grinned, about to let go of her hand until she felt Julianne lace their fingers together. Eliza looked down at their hands fit together, a smile for of adoration tugging her lips upwards at the sight. They had just started walking when Eliza heard the sound that escaped Julianne, her head snapping to the side with a raise eyebrow and curious look. "Jules? Did you just moan?" she questioned, rubbing her thumb over the skin of her hand, focusing on the questions instead of the way the sound sent butterflies everywhere in her stomach.

Julianne: A sense of pride emanated from her chest as Eliza said she was her girl, to be that person placed on a pedestal by someone you cared very deeply for was always something that made one feel good. The sand sifting through their toes painting this very sensual picture that were the conditions that lead to Jules to literally moan outloud. She had thought at first it had been one of those moans you swore was in your head but nope she had to voice her pleasure at this simple act out loud. "Yes.." a pause of a second followed as that panic had all her thinking nearly haulted "I was probably just thinking about the drinks." Panicked she made up the most plausible but ridiculous excuse she ever could. Then Eliza's soothing touch danced over the back fo her hand and she near about let it all come out like a waterfall. How hot and bothered shed been by their texts and how in this moment her clear cut feelings for Aaron now became muddied and confusing.

Eliza: For a moment, Eliza considering Julianne's explanation of the moan and thought it over before shrugging briefly. "I'll pretend like I believe that," she winked, leading them down to the edge of the water for their walk so they could feel how warm it was on their feet, "Just remember what I said earlier about blowing your mind? That moan would be nothing compared to that." Eliza couldn't help herself for that comment, and the grin with her tongue just barely sticking out showed how much she enjoyed teasing Jules like that. Maybe making the jokes would make it easier to face her feelings head on and to recognize she could never truly act on them. Even if those jokes were completely true, and things she wished she could make come true for both of them. A small wave came up and swept over their feet, Eliza stumbled a little closer to Julianne when it felt a little colder than she had anticipated.

Julianne: Eliza had this amazing ability to bring back lightheartedness and brevity to Jules's ways of making things well we will just say heavier. Jules walked with Eliza, so busy looking down a their feet about to touch the waters edge. it made her attention snap all the more hearing that joke from Eliza. And there was no just pushing this one down. The tongue was the worst damn bit of it and imaging just where it could be used. Jules felt the need to touch her again, anywhere, anyhow but fortunately enough for her nature did it for her. "You ok baby?" her voice dropping down soft as two of her arms wrapped around Eliza's hips as they always did, but far too comfortable for just friends to do. Jules's bare skin finally flush to Eliza's finally getting something she had been denying herself and admitting how damn good it felt to be this close to the fellow blonde.

Eliza: Once the shock of the waters temperature wore off, Eliza focused on the reality of what was currently happening and the words that just left Julianne's mouth. More specifically, one word. It was only a one letter difference than what they normally called each other, but that one letter changed things a lot. Eliza just looked at her for a moment, a look of awe on her face as she noticed how close they were and how much they were touching, and just where Jules' hands and arms were. "I'm perfect, gorgeous," she promised softly, her own hands snaking around Julianne's waist. It was a slow move, waiting to see if Jules stopped her as she did so, until they were standing in a way that she knew best friends didn't do. Anyone could see them right now, but she didn't care, all she could do was stare down into those blue eyes. "You have about ten seconds to stop me before I do something that's going to change everything," Eliza warned, her voice going into a whisper as she leaned in closer, her chest heaving just slightly from the nerves. Nerves and butterflies weren't common for her, but they were both plain as day right now as she felt herself within an inch of kissing Julianne.

Julianne: Julianne didnt stop her, but her eyes were locked on the set staring right back at her. Chest to chest, almsot feeling Eliza's breathe on her in the still of the night's air. Jules first reacted confused by her words, it was too much of a pipe dream to believe what they implied was going to happen next. Eliza was asking for her permission to kiss her and Julianne couldnt actually imagine saying no. Not with their bodies in close not with this chemistry lit a fire between them. "kiss me." she practically begged.

Eliza: Even with the flirting happening between them, even with everything that happened in the last 15 minutes that they had been together; Eliza had still been expecting Julianne to tell her no or push her away. But when she didn't, when she asked Eliza to kiss her, the taller blonde didn't hesitate. The second the words left Julianne's mouth, Eliza closed that last bit of distance between them and kissed her. It was soft at first, so soft that Eliza practically melted right there on the beach in her arms. Nothing could have prepared her for just how incredible this would be or the way her stomach felt like it was going to fall of her ass. For just a moment, Eliza pulled back to look at Julianne again with an adoring grin on her face before using one hand to cup the side of Julianne's face and kiss her again. Though this kiss was deeper, filled with more than the soft kiss a moment before had been.

Julianne: The kiss instantly sent off fireworks in Jules's heart but it was a gentle kiss. It spoke of true feelings and gentle adoration. It was the thing Jules didnt know how much she had been wanting. When they parted she was sure she looked probably stark white still in shock this was happening but also seeing Eliza in a whole new light, other relationships now in the back of her mind. The second kiss was where Jules could express all that desire she had tried to simmer down earlier. Jules own hands finding the flesh of her shoulders and attempting to slide down her arms. This time Jules honestly moaned out possessively claiming Eliza's lips.

Eliza: Eliza had been half expecting for Julianne to really push her way she kissed her the second time, but when she didn't, she took the chance to really pour the feelings she had been keeping buried into the kiss. Hearing that moan for a second time, though this one was clearer and louder, is what really set Eliza off and she knew there was no going back unless Julianne told her to stop. Eliza guided Jules down to the sand with her, with Eliza sitting down and pulling Julianne into her lap without ever breaking the kiss. Instantly, her arms wrapped around her and pulled her close to her as their current position would allow. The kiss broke long enough to allow Eliza to start kissing down Julianne's chin, nipping at her skin lightly until she reached her neck, biting down softly on the skin of her pulse point while her hands ran softly up and down her thighs. Eliza knew it was going to be over sooner rather than later, so she was taking every second that Jules gave her to show her just how badly Eliza wanted her in every way.

Julianne: Quite comfortable straddling the taller blonde Julianne groaning the second Eliza’s lips left hers but she was not in want for pleasure long lips touching every point down her neck her greatest weak spot to overwhelm her completely with feelings of pleasure and burning lust. The soft of her thighs being touched naturally making them part also telling her where this would go next. She wanted nothing more to make love right here with Eliza but she also cared for her so much she didn’t want to rush things and make one huge misstep. She’d techinically be cheating on her fiancé for things to go any further. “Baby baby” pulling her thrown back head down opening the eyes that rolled and rolled in pleasure. “I want this I want this so bad but I also don’t want to do something further that we would regret tomorrow and ruin us -whatever this is” laying it all out there and all while trying to express this was by no means a turn down

Eliza: From the first moment that Eliza had kissed Julianne, she had known that this moment was going to come where they had to stop what they were doing. And as much as she hated it, she also knew that she was right, and they couldn't go any further right now. "I know," Eliza mumbled against Julianne's skin, placing one final kiss to that spot on her neck before pulling away to look up at her. God she was beautiful, it was the first thing that Eliza thought of when she looked up and the lights from the hotel behind them were lighting up Julianne's face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get so carried away," she told her, brushing the strands of hair out of Julianne's face as she did so, "But nothing is going to ruin us, okay? You're my best friend, first and foremost. And whatever this is, no matter how badly I want you, at the end of the day, I know you're engaged. And maybe that's why I got carried away, because I knew I'd probably never get another chance."

Julianne: The war waged inside of Julianne’s mind. They had no guarantee of tomorrow and they had waited what seemed too long already. Jules stopped to focus on how Eliza was looking at her how tenderly she had brushed back her hair and her mind was made up for her. Taking a second to look at the beautiful face for a moment longer before she got really bold even for reaching up behind herself to untie the back of her bikini top. Her firm but small breasts breaking free. For tonight she just wanted to love Eliza and be loved. She had never been with another woman besides for some heavy making out before but it didn’t take a rocket scientist and she’d worship Eliza’s body like it should be like she knew she liked to be.

Eliza: Eliza wasn't sure what was going through Julianne's mind right now, it's like she was watching her work through something at this very moment and for some reason she knew to stay quiet. She knew that this wasn't the time to talk, and allowed Jules to have all the time that she needed. Of all the things that Eliza thought might happen after the small talk they just had, this was definitely last on the list, and her eyes went wide with a mixture of lust and awe when Julianne was suddenly completely naked from the waist up. It took her a few moments to stop staring, her mouth going dry at the sight, until she finally snapped herself out of it to look up into blue eyes. "Jules," she whispered, her hands grasping tightly at the material of Julianne's shorts to control herself, "Are you sure? We don't have to, you know. I want this, I want /you/ more than you realize. But I want to make certain that you're completely sure."

Julianne: The cool breeze of the night hardened Jules’s nipples as lust coarses through her. Her hands having to rest at the bare skin of Eliza’s stomach to control herself. “I’m sure” she promised her voice so sure for such a short sentence. “What if we only had this one night to show each other?” She pleaded, the jean clad hips rolling into Eliza’s lap grinding onto her. Hands raising to run through the blonde hair of her companion

Eliza: There was a pang of sadness that went through Eliza at the thought of this being the only night they could have, but she also knew that it was the reality of what might happen. That after tonight, they'd have to go back to just being best friends and Eliza being her maid of honor. So she quickly shoved those thoughts out of her mind, which was easy to do when Julianne began to grind her hips into her own. "Come here," she replied instantly, kissing Julianne once again. Only this time it was filled with passion, pouring every ounce of her feelings into it as he hands went back to scratching down her thighs. "I do believe I promised to blow your mind," she grinned against her lips as one hand came up to start softly massaging one of Julianne's breasts.

Julianne: Julianne’s tongue licked at Eliza’s in that passion filled kiss. Promises to be kept only made that kiss turn more hungry and possessive. Jules moaning out her breast finally paid the attention it was begged for since she undid her top. Jules likewise running her hands up and down Eliza’s top. She had been so concerned they would do something they both regretted in the morning light but this was shaping up to be the one night of her life she’d not forget. Hands going down to the waistband of Eliza’s shorts fiddling with the offending button

Eliza: Eliza knew they needed to be careful, that anyone could catch them at any point in time, but being careful was honestly the last thing on her mind as she went back to the place on Julianne's neck that she had started earlier. Without a second thought, she bit down on the spot that had seemed to work magic moments before and sucked on the skin there, just as her fingers moved to pinch at Julianne's nipples. Feeling a hand down at her shorts, Eliza immediately used her body to shuffle them around so that she could give Jules easier access, all while her lips never left her skin. Slowly making her way down the center of her chest, getting teasingly close to the other breast that her hand wasn't already paying attention to.

Julianne: Closing her eyes she melted into the sensation of Eliza’s mouth on her the tingling it sent through her body. The small pinch urging Jules to grab at her shorts she wasn’t any closer to unlatching them but the pleasure made nothing in her mind think clear enough to complete such a simple task. After the shift though those shorts were all hers the target in her eyes unzipped as Jules stud an unsure hand just to the warm flesh there briefly a tease of her if anything. Eliza there at the apex of her breasts just threatening to reach her denied tit was almost too much for her. “Baby I’m so wet already” like that had anything to do with Elia teaching her other breast. Settling for shoving her hand down the front of Eliza’s shorts to taunt the fellow blonde’s hot core

Eliza: It was intense, the surge of fire that coursed through her at the mixture of Julianne's words and her hand going into Eliza's shorts, and it caused her to finally let out a moan of her own. "And I've barely even done anything yet. I told you I was good," she smirked up at her, barely moving her lips away from her chest to speak. Once the words were out, Eliza immediately went back to work, pulling Julianne's neglected nipple into her mouth, rolling it between her teeth. All the while, Eliza's other hand moved to untie her own bathing suit top, the fabric becoming constricting at this point. Once again, Eliza shuffled Julianne just slightly, just enough to give Eliza access to her shorts as well as her hand teasingly ran down Jules' abs before stopping at her shorts to copy the exact move Julianne had just pulled. Teasing her just as much as Julianne was teasing Eliza.

Julianne: Eliza’s words spoke over her skin sending tingles of pleasure over the already abused skin. Eyes lighting up the second she realized her friend’s top was going to be discarded just like hers had been the revealed flesh not safe from Jules she leaned over to kiss the skin teasingly in the spot right above her breasts. Allowing herself to be moved adoring eyes cast up at Eliza while she visually shook expecting that hand to go a hell of a lot further down in its path. “Please” it wasn’t so much begging her eyes dead serious knowing Eliza was taunting her

Eliza: There were few things that got to Eliza as much as hearing Julianne say please, knowing how badly that she wanted and needed her. "Anything for you," she told her with a smirk, the weight of the words rang true for far more than just what they were currently doing. As promised, Eliza finally gave Julianne what she was waiting for, her finger dipping to start making circles on her clit. She started slow, kissing Julianne's neck as she did so, wanting to savor the moment of feeling just how wet Jules was for her. A groan coming out of her mouth as she sped up her motions briefly before her fingers wandered down, circling her entrance for just a moment and then slowly sliding one finger inside.

Julianne: Jules's back arched holding desperately on to the bit of Eliza she could reach, the sides of her stomach which were something to maybe loosely hold onto, didn't provide much security. So Julianne was riding the waves of pleasure quite wildly, head rolling back. And Jules had been impossibly wet from the second their fingers had laced like prior when they were flirting over texts. Julianne gasped when that finger circled her. "Fuck Eliza" she muttered and she was not one to curse when she was finally satisfied a finger had slipped into her. Trying to desperately move her head to kiss Eliza, a quiet fight to make that happen.

Eliza: Despite how distracted she was from everything her fingers were doing to Julianne, Eliza felt her trying to secure herself more and wrapped her free arm around Jules' waist to offer more support. Even though Eliza wanted to look down at what her own hand was doing, she adjusted just slightly to allow Julianne to kiss her, if only because she wanted to kiss her again as well. Take as many of them as she could get before their moment was over. Eliza added a second finger, pushing herself as deep into Julianne as she could go before pulling back out only to repeat the process over and over, getting faster each time. HEr thumb continuing to rub Julianne's clit the entire time, giving her pleasure in each way she knew how, all the while continuing to kiss her with everything she had.

Julianne: Jules actually feeling the most safe with eliza's arm wrapped around her. Her heart had already been going a mile a minute but now with the excursion of rocking into Eliza's hands it threatened to thud right out of her chest. Jules kissed her best friend desperately trying to show this was more than just sex to her, it was muddy and complicated right now for her to put into feelings but she knew she had strong feelings for her expressing them all in that kiss the need for that kiss. Feeling the friction of a added second finger her breathe first hitched then sunk into the amazing sensations she was promised Eliza was even betetr than promised.

Eliza: This kiss was full of so much from both of them, more than Eliza could put into words even if she tried to, she felt too much from it. Eliza went faster and harder, pumping her fingers inside of Julianne like she was never going to stop. Only breaking the kiss so she could look into Julianne's eyes for the rest of this moment, not wanting to miss the look on her face when she finally reached her orgasm. Eliza was almost breathless, just from the magnitude of feelings coursing through her and the pleasure she herself was getting just from watching Jules and feeling her clench around Eliza's fingers. "Come for me, Jules," she commanded, adding one more finger and curling them each time she pulled out to his that spot each time.

Julianne: Jules's whole body tensed so feeling herself close to that edge toes even curling from it. She reached out, fingertips grasping no mroe clawing to the skin she could reach. her mouth went slack jawed as her breathing became vocally labored. And then it washed over her on command. Her mind succumbing to that wave of pleasure as her body felt on fire and she called Eliza's name in pleasure. This orgasm unlike any other before for her and she knew damn why cause it meant so much to her to be able to expereince it finally with Eliza

Eliza: Watching Julianne completely let go was almost overwhelming for Eliza to witness, her eyes glued on the other girl while her fingers never once stopped. She kept moving them, allowing Jules to ride out her entire orgasm, and leaned forward right before the end of it to once more bite down on her pulse point. Claiming Jules as hers, even if it was just for this one night. When Eliza finally pulled her hand out of Julianne's shorts, she immediately wrapped both of her arms around the girls waist to pull her in for another kiss. "That was..wow," she breathed with a grin, pressing yet another kiss to Jules' lips.

Julianne: It held onto her well this orgasm even after as she lay propped up after, chest heaving as breathing was trying to return to normal after. The selflessness of it was not lost on Julianne, how Eliza could be so satisfied and she wasnt even the one getting off spoke to how much she knew Eliza to care for her, what she would do for her. And that couldnt be ignored. Holding Eliza's face lovingly kissing her back, pullign away as Eliza spoke thinking how downright beautiful this woman was . "yeah it was pretty sure that was the best sex of my life" she confessed the environment lending to her being downright at ease being honest. Tenderly finishing with a kiss, knwoing shed have to get back to her room but not wanting too.

Eliza: "I always keep my promises, babe," she grinned, her chest puffing up a little bit out of pride to know she had accomplished just that. Eliza pulled away from the kiss and just lead her head against Julianne's chest, arms still wrapped tightly around her waist. She knew that there time was almost done, that Jules was going to have to go back to Aaron, so she wanted to hold on for as long as she could. Eliza didn't say a word for awhile, just listening to Julianne's heartbeat mix with the sounds of the waves for as long as she could. "You have to go, don't you?" she whispered, her arms tightening slightly.

Julianne: Eliza saying it just made it all the more real, made it all the more pressing. Jules nodded her head first cause she couldn't say it outloud. It hurt too much to say it outloud. "Yeah I do." Short and abrupt like how she felt about leaving someone who she was exploding with feelings for. Physically she had to pull herself away from Eliza to even make it actually happen. Going about tying her top back on. Her actions might be seen as cold but it was the only way her to compartmentalize this . "Ill talk to you tomorrow?" she promised like things would go right back to being the same after this

Eliza: The confirmation from Julianne that she had to go was all Eliza needed to finally feel herself deflate as reality began to set in. "I know," she said simpy, trying not let it show just how upset she was that it was over. She watched as Jules got dressed, and put her own bathing suit top back on in the process. "Talk to you tomorrow, Jules. Go get some rest," she told her with a nod, and a forced smile. Not wanting to make her feel guilty for how upset Eliza was right now, not when Eliza had known the whole time that this how the night would end. She had no one to blame but herself for feeling the way she currently did. "Goodnight, Jules," she told her and turned to look out at the moon over the ocean.

#( para )#( para | julianne hough )#i decided i liked juliza better than houghlor lol

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electriclladydoesthetwist · 4 years

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OKAY - I HAD TO - I HAD TO -

And I HAVE TO SAY THIS -

I HAVE TO VENT TO YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO WILL GET IT. And also because I need to.

OH MHY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDD

JAMES! DEAR LORD SHE’S AN ATTENTION SEEKING IDIOT

Oh those beautiful, poor kittens - she’s so selfish

WHAT THE HELL - WHAT - THE HELL

Come on this is so ridiculous

I haven’t posted here in ages and yeah - I haven’t called her out in forever because I haven’t been paying attention - but - uhh.

I hate people like this, I can’t believe she turned into one.

social media brings out the worst in pathological attention seeking no brain people behaviour.

It’s very creepy and weird.

And yes, I get that we all take pictures with babies and post them because it’s cute but also it’s a reason to be like ‘look I look amazing but I’m really only posting this because of the cute baby ‘ blah blah hehe - but I mean that’s relatively harmless - it’s only really harmful if the baby is your own and you’re just using it because that’s the only way you value it - but guess what - that’s the only way she values these beautiful babies. AAAAAAA it’s so revolting it makes me sick. And I can’t post a new photo because I don’t like not focusing on the present moment and my happy internal and external life - And also - facebook kind of makes me hate people because of stuff like this so it’s just better for my own happiness not to even look at it. Oh - but she always does this - and this time it involves innocent beings who should be treated equally - with genuine moral consideration -

she’s such a fucking moron - who just uses other people to try to make herself feel important instead of actually being a genuine human being.

Oh James - I just knew you’d get it - you’re the only one who really does

And also it felt really great to call her out on her bullshit - publically - with genuine real considerations - I’m happy

I used to do that - I used to use facebook and whenever she pulled crap or used me for attention seeking - I’d call her out immediately and it wwas brilliant. I love you .

I Just had to do it.

She;s not thinking about their wellbeing.

And they’re beautiful and I arleayd love them - but even if she doesn’t end up - if she does move that would be okay - I want to protect them - but evne if she doesn’t end up keeping htem - what can be done - if the go to ‘ the girls’ - they’d be fine but those parent’s would totally abuse and not treat them well - coz they’re horrible {god i LOV E having no human siblings ;p = truly) - - and she’s stealing their kitten hood. How could she. She had choices. She didn’t have to become like this.

Please promise me you’ll defy the poison - those extremely sexist and violent video games tell me you’ve been exposed to that way too young - and at all. Please - please respect and genuinely value females. Please. Because we are people in our own right. I know society - every single male has internalised misogyny - society grooms them, - you- to see only males - all texts are angled toward their own uplifting at the expense and subduing of women. Please don’t listen to it. Please consciously recognise it and reject it. Please don’t become an aggreesor toward us. Don’t just respect me because of who I am to you . Respect me because I am a human being in my own right. And I deserve respect. Because I am equal. More than.

Please be the real you. Promise me.

you also know why I’m indignantly pissed off too - you can guess it .

i’m so worried about those poor babies - she’s stealing their kitten hood for her own gain and then what. They won’t get the quality of life they deserve. THey deserve to be happy and healthy and well looked after and genuinely loved - for them. They deserve a back yard - space. Cats need soo much space. All those idiots who keep them indoors- that’s literally abutse - their mental wellbeing and physical wellbeing - you can’t replicate the stimulation of outside, with it’s smells and sounds and trees and grass and calm and fun. That’s their natural environment. For humans or animals. But animals - especially. That’s basic living being rights - I want to rescue them. I would if I could.

I’m so angry at her that she would even do this. It’s so morally repugnant.

SHE is so morally repugnant.

I jsut saw her fb post for my birthday - wow. Talk about use me for attention - and my childhood - the photos she chose. At least I used to pick nice photos of her - not the one photo where I look like I have the weirdest posture on earth because I’m detaching her earring from my hair mid photo -

and how much have I said that my childhood is private - and lovely - and I don’t want to be used for attention - or have it put anywhere on social media - Yes - I look like a little doll as a child - Sash literally said that about me when she saw some photos - ‘She looks like a little doll!’ were her exact words - so - you know hehe - and there are SO MANY gorgeous photos of me - - and of me and her - but she really did pick the least flattering one for the post. She - however, was not so good looking. but it’s really not done out of genuine good will

My childhood is my own. I don’t want anyone else to have access to it. It’s precious. Why doesn’t she ever respect the integrity of other people. perhaps because she doesn’t have any herself.. ;p.. she mustn’t understand the concept - at least for anyone else but herself . I’m sick of her using me for attention. And other people. Especially those kittens - I have to be their advocate now because no one else is going to do it. They are precious and so are their lives and they deserve happiness, health, safety and genuine, true love - and to be treated like a family. And space ! They’re kittens. Little balls of sweet innocent energy and free will. Because they are family. I want to protect them.

#Hey remember when she literally abused Sprockie a few months after her surgery and ransacked my own belongings when I was away #And she volunteered to look after Sprockie while I was away just so she could gain acccess #- They both did.#That was shit #and fucking pathologically cruel #Mr Happy #Sally

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totoroses · 7 years

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i found this lesbian survey and decided to fill it out!

Femme or butch? is this what do i prefer or which i am? im a femme and i have no preference in dating, i’ve been wildly attracted to both and any in between

Do you have a “type”? If so, describe it. the only nearly completely common denominator though my exes are having brown eyes? i have dated only one person who did not have brown eyes. i always feel safer looking into brown eyes then blue. i woudl say i have often gone after the romantic artsy type with good music taste and some kind of signature style about them, ironically none of which drew me to my current girlfriend who i believe is probably defintiely the love of my life

Plaid button-ups or leather jackets? leather jackets! i will swoon over smartly dressed gals in button downs as well as a chill gal in some plaid unbuttoned flannel but the two together make me think of a lumberjack

Describe your style. i usually go for one of two styles- softly dressed forest wanderer, or slightly sassy soft grunge. both include my doc martens, but one is more natural colours and old fashioned dresses and the other is sassy tshirts and 90sish thrift store finds like denim and dark florals

Describe your aesthetic.pressed flowers between the pages of a book on forest spirits, rose milk tea, silver rainy downpours, curly baby hairs, white peaches, a cat sleeping in a library, custard pastries, a circle of mushrooms in moss, opals and furry moths

Favorite article of clothing? my one forever 21 dress ive had since like junior year that i can wear without a bra and it has like a cool cross back i just looooveee ittt, then also my embroidered minty 1930s style qipao sort of dress

Favorite pair of shoes? my doc martens and green chinese embroidered lace up slippers

Current haircut? currently blonde (ugh) and currently my hair falls just past my breasts, the goal is to grow it to my bellybutton!

Any haircut goals for the future? i really wanna get on the thick fluffy bangs bandwagon but i dont think i have the stamina to put up with growing them out again smh

Describe the best date you’ve been on. there was this one date i went on with one of my high school girlfriends where we went to a bookstore and hung out and then stuck googly eyes all over my city on random monuments and street signs, and we also ate thai food and listened to music and it was still one of the most lovely dates. BUT my girlfriend recently visited me in taiwan and we went in a glass bottom gondola ride up a mountain and drank from coconuts and wandered through old streets and had the most amazing tea food with a spectacular view and it was heaven

Describe the worst date you’ve been on. probably the one where i went on a picnic with my first girlfriend who then broke up with me that same day and even though our entire relationship was so awkward and not what is should have been it still hurt so bad

Single? Taken? taken!

If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife! where do i begin! my girlfriend is a slightly shorter than me girl named lynn who loved korean variety shows, drinking coca cola, listening to cheesy love songs, and playing tricks on people (especially me). she used to be a major tomboy in middle and high school and date all the girls and get slapped a lot, as well as mess with teachers and play pranks on them and steal things from their lunchboxes. more than half of her birthchart including sun, rising, and venus are scorpio, and she wants to start her own streetstyle online brand but has not yet found a catchy brand name!

If single, what are you looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife? :)

Describe your dream wedding my girlfriend says if we get married we need two, a traditional chinese wedding (she is from china) and a western one with a priest since i am catholic, and i couldnt agree more. my dream wedding includes just very close friends and family, extravagant lights and flowers and a reception party playlist chosen by me, catered by the teahouse we went to in taiwan. i know its so silly and superficial but i want the dreamiest dress that i design, wisteria everywhere, and most of all i just want lynn at the end of the alter looking stunning in whatever it is she decides to wear

Do you want kids? YES me and lynn talk about this a lot because we both love kids and both agree on at least 4, no more than 8. and we will share who carries the kids so not just one of us is having our uteruses worn out

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? guilin, china. but its a fantasy. guilin is real and beautiful but chinese laws make it so that even if we settle down there and build a house it cant truly belong to us, and in china you cant have a private business and it jsut sucks because the drema is to live in the quiet countryside with a simple life and beautiful scenery to explore together and with our children

Favorite lesbian movie? i love so many but im gonna go with the handmaiden!

Favorite lesbian novel/story? i havent read nearly enough, but adore all things by malinda lo and julie anne peters! ash by malinda lo is probably my favourite. i have to still read sarah waters though, i hear she reigns supreme

Favorite lesbian song? don’t pull away by milosh ft jviews (the music video is gay at least, i also love hayley kiyoko)

Favorite lesbian musician? hayley kiyoko probably

What lesbian stereotypes do you fit into, if any? mmmm i dont like softball so that doesnt work...i read a lot of sappho though! and i have short nails? and love buffy? are these stereotypes?

Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal? ugh yes

If a woman wanted to woo you, what would a surefire way to accomplish that? write me a love letter or make me a mixtape about your feleings something cheesy

Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian? girls!!!!

Are you more of a cat person or a dog person? cat but i also love pups!

Turn ons? a musical wonderful voice i could listen to and listen to, easy and stimulating conversations, passion for something that lights up their eyes

Turn offs? rudeness in any shape or form, indecisiveness or feigning indecisiveness because you think i want to make the decisions, despicable movie and music taste, smell

Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you? mmmm in the past it has been pretty even. i have learned though that with women it really is a waiting game more than with guys so with my current girlfriend the tension was killing me so much i had to straight up ask her if something was going on and when she said yes she did like me too i was so relieved because she admitted to having not dated anyone since high school (5 years ago for her) and not asking anyone out while at college so if i had kept waiting for her who knows if we would have gotten together!

What is your dream career? i want to be a stay at home mom and author and perhaps an art teacher or preschool teacher on the side if the books dont pa the bills!

Talk about your interests or hobbies! writing and reading and drawing and singing and hiking and listening to music and watching korean dramas and making lists and studying languages

What is the most attractive quality a woman can have? passion, not necessarily in the sexual wya, but passion for something in general. like if she is an actress you see her on the stage and see how into it she is, and offstage she talks about it in a way that shows she is capable of truly loving something so much and seeing wonder in life. or a girl who seems quiet but then when she starts to show you the music she likes she closes her eyes and knows every lyric and has this expression of true passion and love for the music, i am captivated by women who are captivated by the purest elements of life from music to dance to nature

Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone? for women, i fall in infatuation quite easily. i was always more cautious with men of course and now i avoid them altogether. but love is something i’ve been becoming more conservative of somehow. i think because i was so hurt by someone before and gave and gave without receiving and im scared of that happening again. i have to be receiving love to give it, thats something i finally can control my impulses over and protect myself from.

Ever fallen for your best-friend? HA

Ever fallen for a straight girl? HAHA

The L-Word: yes or no? (love it or hate it?) heck to the no i couldnt make it past two episodes

Favorite comfort food? macaroni and cheese

Coffee or tea? tea

Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above? none but i have tried vegetarian before

Do you have any pets? a chinchilla and a cat!

Early-riser or night-owl? night owl

What is your sign? gemini sun, sag moon, sag rising

What is your Myers-Briggs type? INFP

Who was your first lesbian crush? my first serious lesbian crush was on a girl at my middle school who dressed to the nines every day in vintage dresses and sweaters and she flirted with practically everyone just joking around and always had a boyfriend but was just charming in every way. my whoel day would eb ruined if i couldn’t just see her or say hello once, and i thought i was just obsessed until i was like ‘wait what if she kissed me’ and BAM i knew it was a real life crush

At what age did you know you were a lesbian? im not really sure. i identified as bi/pan from freshman year to junior year i think, but then was realizing i definitely had a preference and didn’t want to be with guys in a relationship at all to be honest but even up until last summer i was really questioning if i was asexual, so its been a journey but i think i finally fully realized i am a happy happy lesbian after meeting lynn

At what age did you come out (if you have)? i was 14 when i first told my parents i was bi, 18 when i said im a lesbian

Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)? just my girly friend

Talk about how your day went i worked this morning 7-11 after only sleeping 4 hours since i got hooked on ‘tipping the velvet’ the bbc miniseries, said goodbye to a friend, had school and did a presentation on how to make rosemilk bubble tea, i ate at a moomin cafe with my coworker, and now am working on homework and doing this survey and putting off my night cleaning duties eheh

Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future i just want to have a family and to have my books published, thats all i really need. a loving wife, my sister still by my side as my partner in crime, so many children, so many stories finally told that people are reading. i really want to build a lovely house for my family like my grandparents did once upon a time, with secret rooms and unique hiding places, a house they can pass down as they grow up and it can have our lineage. i want to live by the mountains and trees and water, i want to be able to speak mandarin, cantonese, korean, japanese, icelandic, italian, arabic, and polish fluently

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fair-dinkum-mechanic · 7 years

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dont really post anymore because nobody really cares.

dont really speak much much nobody really cares.

dont really speak much because i just make people angry all the time. i dont like making people angry i only like to make people laugh or have fun or feel happy but i cant do that because im really a failure of a person.

cant handle my experiences and my life being completely burshed over and shut down and im expected to just take her ‘word for it’.

i cant trust a single fucking person in this world i cant even trust my fucking self its too much its TOO MUCH.

i wish i could just wear a giant flashing sign that said ‘thank you for being kind to me and showing love or affection but i have a huge conrete wall in front of me that i cant break through to react accordingly. i know i never used to be like this but its how i am now and its way way too hard to get past it’

i understand that i am not meant to be happy. i understand that fully.

i understand that i am lazy and my suffering is all my own fault for being a lazy, unmotivated coward. i understand all of that i get it.

NOBODY wants to believe me and NOBODY wants to think that i really truly think all of these things. its easier to be angry i suppose. easier to be angry at me and thats fair nobody owes me anything at all.

i have started to do it again and i dont exactly know why but im happy i am. i can really truly understand how worthless and aggrrivating i am to everyone all the time. maybe i say funny things every so often but how does that make me worth anything? i dont think it does. I hear every week my family talking about me and how difficult and awful i am to deal with and its just a choice that ive made to be like this. i understand that is all my fault, i do, i never blame anyone else for how i am. its all me, im a dysfunctional wreck of a human and i do deserve to be dead. ive deserved that for years and years yet i selfishly still keep myself here out of, yet again, fucking FEAR.

i know im a bad person. i know i am I KNOW THIS. i know i dont deserve many of the things i have or have had in the past I KNOW. im ugly i know. i dont have muscles, i know. im not tall and nicely set i KNOW.

sometimes i think maybe i feel like i wouldve been better as a girl, but then again i dont know if any of that is real or just me trying to find a reason for all of my shit that i feel. also i know if i ended out to be that a lot and a lot of people would HATE me so much. also if i was that i know people would turn around and treat me like a special flower when i wouldnt be.

but then i dont think i am. perhaps i am fluid in that way but my gender really doesnt mean much to me.

thats not a huge problem for me anyway. i dont care about it much.

i just dont knwo.

i dont trust anyone. i dont trust anyone at all. tahts my own fault. to trust people you have to be good enough for them to stand up for you and not hurt you.i wasnt good enough for that and i wont be good enough for that because I am a BAD PERSON. not jsut a bad person an AWFUL person who deserves every little bit of pain that i get. i try to be good, i promise i do, i really really really try. I hope people can believe me when i say i truly do have pure intentions for others and just want to make people happy but i just fuck it up all the time and nobody ever sees it that way. i can spot bad people i can spot bad ehaviour that is hurting others but nobody cares because i think it just appears as me being a bitch or manipulative. maybe i am maybe i think im doing the right thing but im just being a cunt the whole time.

i cannot imagine what its like to wake up and being able ot plan your own day out without having to worry what others will say to you or make you do or get upset an d angry about. i like to be asleep because when i am asleep i dont have to worry about my actions or descisons being the wrong ones as they always always are. every day i do many many things wrong and i cant think which one is the right thing to do because i cant come up with it. if i lay down on my bed all day i am a bad person because i am lazy. if i go out alone it is bad because i am avoiding. if i go out with my friends or bf its bad because i shoudlnt be gay and also i should do work with my time not recreation. if i apply for the wrong job it is bad, but also i dont ned to study i just need to have motivation todo something but i cant i dont know im worthless anything i do will be worthless.

what is it like to just eat when you would like to eat and sleep when you would liek to sleep and clea how and when you wuld like to clean. id ont understand and i dont think i can do it its just too much and to o foreign to me.

part of me wouldve been like ‘oh yeah all those ex friends that dogged me will see when im dead how muchthey hurt me yeah THATLL show them’ but for about a year now its just been ‘whatever. they wont care. maybe theyll even think good riddance because now i cant bitch about them anymore. its probably best for everyone i do anyway because it really truly does seem like i am the bad guy in every situation’.

nobody sitcks up for me in those situations. maybe because i pretend like i have the strength to stand up for myself so everybody else wants to remain friends with the people who hurt me. i dont knwo i dont understand but its whatever because in the grand scheme of thigns i shouldnt even be here anymore in the first place.

its logic. its the only thing that maeks sense. i should not be here and every second that passes where i still draw breath is another second that i hurt SOMEONE at least. i dont LIKE hurting people and i wish that i didnt hurt people merely by being alive but i DO and nothing can change that. whats even WORSE is that i have such strong opinions and beliefs and such an obnoxious personality that i cant seem to shake. i dont WANT those anymore. i wish i could be rid of them for good so i could have the best shot at NOT annoying people at least with it.

people are going to thin kthat all of this is just ditorted mentall illness thoughts but i dont think it is i think its all true and i think its the only 100% truth that i know without a doubt. things would be EASIER without me around. so much easier. so so so sososos so much easier. and if people hat eme thats okay because i expect that from every single person eventually. everybody gives up on me. ive given up on me so i think thats why. i am BEYOND any turning back i dont knwo what i even mean i dont even understand how to express how i dont think anything can be done for me. i dont believe anything can be done for me.

but thats okay because i am just babbling at the void because its the only time i can express anything i ever think. bad bad bad bad bad bad bad. i dont like it at all.

ad nobody needs to worry about me killing myself yet because i am far far far too scared to. my cat also would never understand and she still needs me and she loves me so much and cant understand any of this so i cant do that to her because she is extremely innocent and doesnt deserve whatever would happent o her without me. she worries and frets if im not home until late i couldnt bear the thought of leaving her forever.

#i ahte myself so much #this si so old im sorry for even posting it #nobody is expectd to read it at all and i dont think anybody will because its stupid #its not here for anyone to read anyway #its here for me to thik and realize

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