flood

ever think about how willa has had multiple near drowning experiences, more than any other keeper except maybe finn, while having the biggest connection to water? this is unedited and unfinished, mostly to get my thoughts on paper. willa’s such an interesting character and i think she’s been wasted throughout canon

She’s grown up in the water. Cliched, yes, but true.

They don’t travel much when she’s little, especially by the time her youngest brother is born. Two teachers' salaries doesn’t account for much, especially not with five kids needing taken care of.

Besides, they live in Orlando and shell out an alarming amount of money every year for resident passes to Disney and Universal and Bush Gardens and the dozens of other theme parks that call Orlando home. What more could they really want to do?

And then her dad is paralyzed, and suddenly vacations don’t seem that important, anyway.

So she trudges down to the community pool, holding her older brother’s hand and then later her younger’s, dollar fifty flip-flops slapping against the hot pavement, a pair of her mom’s old sunglasses slipping down her nose, smelling like SPF 70. She is eight and a half and her brothers still call her Izzy because Izzy Peterson hasn’t joined her class and made her need to pick a new nickname because now there are five Isabell/Isabellas in her small third-grade class and there can’t be two Izzys and the kids make fun of her when she goes by Isabella so she needs to think of something new, mom.

The pool is always busy; dozens of children all with varying degrees of sunburn running around, splashing and planning elaborate games with rules that change on a whim.

Willa doesn’t run. A sign says not to and that is that in her mind.

She does, however, play elaborate games. Always the ones Michael came up with because he is the oldest and he gets to pick. He usually wants to play pirates and have Willa swim around to avoid being kidnapped because “pirates kidnapped girls and you’re the only one, Izzy”.

Sometimes Michael stays home because he’s twelve now and doesn’t want to hang out with babies so Philip, being the next oldest, gets to pick the game. And sometimes she meets someone new, some other little girl who lives in the neighborhood that she’s never seen before and likely never will again who’ll play mermaids with her and thinks her blue tail and magic manatee sidekick is cool, not lame like Michale says.

They all take swim lessons too, but Willa is the only one who likes them. She’s trying to convince her parents to pay the extra money for a better school, better coach; more lessons because she’s just learned what the Olympics are and they seem so cool, to swim with all those people, but then a drunk driver slams into her dad’s Honda and well.

Hospital bills trump extracurriculars, apparently.

She spends so much time in the water that the idea of being afraid of any of it is laughable. The idea that there are people who actively avoid water, that live states away from the closest ocean, and are fine with that is so utterly baffling to her. Sure, she isn’t about to jump in the nearest lake because there are alligators and water snakes and probably some brain-eating bacteria but the actual water isn’t bad. It’s comforting, most days.

And then she almost drowns.

Like, four separate times.

The first time, on Winnie the Pooh with Charlene she’s admittedly more worried about the impending electrocution than actually drowning. It’s probably what will kill them first, and god, is she really going to die with Charlene? Some girl she hardly knows and isn’t even sure she likes because they’ve only talked, like, five times?

But they pry the doors open, they live, and she takes the bus home, wrapped in a Mickey Mouse towel that had cost way too much for how thin it was, hair damp and curling on her shoulders, and tells her mom they got caught in a rainstorm but yes, she and her new friend had fun.

Overall it isn't very frightening of an experience after all is said and done. Sure, it’s worrying to know that the Overtakers aren’t going to hold back, not even during operating hours, but she certainly isn’t having nightmares about it.

And then it goes and becomes a semi-regular thing.

She is sinking in Echo Lake, murky water rippling with bullets and fluff floating above her, thinking, once more, this is how I die.

She is treading water in the Atlantic, trying to keep Charlene calm and listen to Finn and keep Maybeck in her line of sight while knowing there are needlefish swimming under her, and god, why does she watch so much Animal Planet because she knew exactly how dangerous they can be (needle sharp jaws that can pierce skin like butter; pose a greater risk of injury than sharks) and she isn’t physically drowning but God does it feel like she is.

She has just jumped off a cruise ship, and her hand is slipping away from Finn’s, and even if she doesn’t let go the ship is moving so fast they are going to get pulled under the hull and they are going to drown.

But Ariel shows up.

But Triton helps.

And then he helps again.

And she is left wet, and cold, with damp hair and a sore throat from coughing up lungs full of water but she doesn’t die. She hardly ever has bruises.

And in between it all she still has swim team, still takes her younger brothers to the neighborhood pool, and picks the games they played because Michael and Philip are away at college and she is the oldest now.

And most times the cool blanket of water was just as it’s always been, comforting and chlorinated, the sharp scent clinging to her skin in an oh-so-familiar way.

And then other times.

Other times it feels suffocating, frigidly cold and she’s so certain it’s going to pull her down, down, deep into murky darkness and this time there will be no magical intervention, just her and the tightness of her chest, the knowledge that this time she is going to drown, this time it is really going to happen, she is going to die.

She ends up seeing a therapist in her Freshman year of college, someone found for her by Disney who has to sign a bunch of NDAs and half the time looks at Willa as if she’s crazy, but she helps, a bit.

Sometimes she wakes up cold and wet from sweat, room unfamiliar and the snores of her roommate in her ear and has to think to remember where she is (Harvard, she’s at Harvard, and she isn’t drowning). She calls Charlene or Maybeck, both on the west coast, both two hours behind her and almost always still awake, insomnia and bad habits from worse days still in effect.

Aquarius Sun, Capricorn Moon: A Devoted Personality

Responsible and practical, the Aquarius Sun Capricorn Moon personality makes for a great judge of character and down to earth decision maker.

People with their Sun in Aquarius and their Moon in Capricorn are usually optimistic and authoritative. They are among the most practical and down-to-earth individuals, and they want originality above anything else.

The Aquarius influences them to be individualistic and independent, while the Capricorn makes them ambitious, cautious and a little bit conservative.

Aquarius Sun Capricorn Moon combination in a nutshell:

Positives: Perceptive, playful, and faithful.

Negatives: Hesitant, forgetful, and irascible.

Perfect partner: Someone who will accept them for the odd person that they are.

Advice: To balance work and personal life by being more organized.

They are calm, persistent and determined. These natives calculate methodically and judge soundly when they need to find a solution to a problem. And the same qualities will help them succeed at almost anything they encounter in life.

Personality traits

Aquarius Sun Capricorn Moon people know their path in life so their emotions will never interfere with their ambitions. Because they can’t rest, they need to be active no matter if it’s about business, profession or personal life.

Responsible and serious, these natives will be successful at everything they will do. Their inner-self is even better than what they allow to be seen in the public.

They are good leaders and can deal with many people. And they will manage to still keep their individuality. True activists, they believe in the human rights and in dignity.

They don’t want more than they have worked for. Remember that it’s the ambitious and realistic Capricorn combined with the imaginative and prudent Aquarius. This means the native of these signs will be either little geniuses or completely insane individuals.

But the fact that they are stable and practical will never change. The respect they have for themselves neither. Fearless, they will always express their opinions, plus their code of ethics and convictions will never allow them to ever do wrong.

As humanitarian executives, the Aquarius Sun Capricorn Moon natives are friendly and always fair play. And the more they achieve, the more they will strive for power and financial gains. They will come up with new ideas and break the conventional even if they have great respect for tradition.

There are only a few other people who match them in intelligence and conversational skills. Their cold logic is one of their greatest assets. They can analyze and administrate everything because they aren’t emotional and see things objectively.

Charming, exciting, friendly and philosophical from the Aquarius’ side, they are at the same time very independent. Detachment is something that characterizes Water Bearers most times.

Coupled with the Capricorn’s coldness, this can become a problem when they want to form relationships with others. While they have many friends, there are only a few to whom they are loyal to.

Capricorns give marriage a lot of importance, Aquarians don’t care that much about this issue. That’s why it can be complicated for this Sun Moon combination native to be in a couple for too long. They simply can ‘t settle.

The Aquarius Sun Capricorn Moon individuals take responsibility for their own mistakes, but when other people are wrong, they are starting to lose their patience. The fact that they’re humanitarians will never change.

Being confident and free makes them wonder why some people have psychological problems. Compassion and tolerance are something they need to learn because their ambitions and eagerness to gain recognition can consume all of their energy.

It’s rare that these natives allow emotions and prejudice to rule them. They need to observe for themselves before jumping to conclusions. But they are pretty much stubborn to accept opinions other than their own.

They can even be fanatics about their convictions. Sociable, these natives never seclude in isolation. Everyone knows their positivity and cheerfulness hides great determination.

The Aquarius Sun Capricorn Moon natives give high importance to friendship but choose the people around them thinking at how these can improve their image and social status. It’s difficult for them to obey rules. That’s why many people will criticize them.

They have the sense of community and want to help with whatever they can. Able to read into people, these Aquarius people are good judges of character and receptive creatures. They are doers and their signs suggest they can convince people to do whatever they want them to.

No time for cuddles

People born with the Sun in Aquarius Moon in Capricorn combination are more interested in observing how things are going from the sidelines.

Not that they aren’t sociable because they are. It’s just that they don’t like being part of things and are more focused on achieving their targets rather than being part of the team.

They will commit to the person who will accept them for the odd person that they are. They don’t mind the idea of a family, but they need to be left alone and free if they are to resist in a relationship.

Their partner needs to know them very well. He or she should know when to insist and when to let go with these people.

Moon Capricorns like organization and rules. They can’t live without having structure and feeling safe. They will be the CEO both at work and also at home. They don’t mind committing and being the ones, their partner depends on.

But they are definitely not the lovers for those who are looking for emotional deepness and to cuddle. They keep their own emotions in control without even struggling.

They don’t need anyone in their life, so it’s possible they will forget about their partner sometimes. But this only means they are truly in love with someone. It’s not like they need that person in their life.

The Aquarius Sun Capricorn Moon man

The Aquarius Sun Capricorn Moon gentleman is likely aiming high and will wish to become the President, the State Attorney or even an astronaut. He’s determined and dignifying enough to do these jobs anyway. Not to mention what a hard-worker he can be.

But if he won’t meet the love of his life at an early age, he will become sad and frustrated when older. He will spend many days inside and wonder if life’s worth living. But deep inside, he’ll know all his efforts will be repaid.

He’s aware he’ll get what he dreams of, and things will suddenly start to seem more tolerable. This guy can never lose faith. He will worry, just like anyone else, but he will never doubt himself.

That’s why the Aquarius Sun Capricorn Moon man will be successful in his career. Authoritative, he may talk down to people. He can’t help himself from feeling superior. A natural born leader, he will probably become the leader of a company from a young age.

He will treat everyone nicely, and his partner will be his for a lifetime. But he expects the woman of his dreams to be as well ambitious. Also, this girl has to be composed, stable and honest. There aren’t that many women who can make him happy because he’s pretty pretentious.

The Aquarius Sun Capricorn Moon woman

The Aquarius Sun Capricorn Moon lady will join many causes and protest each time she feels things aren’t right. Many will think she’s irresponsible and childish, but she actually isn’t. She only has an enthusiasm others don’t have.

Intelligent, this girl will always look for people and situations that inspire her. She’s independent and perfectly capable so no one can make her decisions for her. If someone’s too slow to catch her, he or she will be left behind.

She’s too busy to stop from her way and explain others different things. She really knows what’s going on most of the time.

This is not at all the type of woman to blindly follow a man and not to have any opinion. Because she doesn’t wear silk and satin lingerie doesn’t means she can’t be feminine.

The Aquarius Sun Capricorn Moon woman just doesn’t care about the way she looks that much. But she’s very keen to keep her self-respect and how she influences people.

You will probably find her taking courses of self-development in between her children’s school and football practice. Because she likes to be of help and doesn’t mind noise, this lady will most likely have a large family.

Those who can’t understand her generosity and humanitarianism will not be paid any attention by her. She doesn’t like people who are self-centered anyway.

Her big heart is appreciated. If only she could be more romantic because otherwise, her cold judgment will help her identify her soulmate. Pretentious, she wants a man with a good career, talented and kind.

My dad was nice but he was very old, never was very good with feelings and I didn’t see him a lot after I was 6, so he was more like an uncle to me, even on the day he died. I don’t say this to be cruel, I’m thankful for the fun times we had together, but I never felt like I got to know him as an adult, as anything other than a father. My mother and my sister have always been my actual family, and I love them both very much, but they’ve also always been condescending when speaking to me, but I never really knew how to describe it as anything other than “teasing”. In more recent times, I’ve come to realize that it’s really not okay, that they can be manipulative and have intricate tactics to say things without feeling shame, since I rarely reciprocate any hate towards them and their comments are really unwarranted and mean. I’ve tried to identify the things they do. They say things that appear helpful but usually support them with unnecessary negative personal attacks (because you’re lazy, because you’re stupid etc.), they use backhanded compliments, they laugh while saying mean things so they can decide if they’re joking afterwards in case I get upset, they have short spurts of unusual kindness every now and then to make up for their common behavior (moral licensing), they call me sensitive to justify themselves (when really it’s the opposite), test my intelligence with esoteric trivia to justify their stance, amongst other things.

Regarding what they say, it’s a lot of belittling my physical / mental traits, my hobbies or openly calling me lazy and stupid as if it was a given fact; they make comments about my hair, my nose, my weight and my clothes, so much so that I didn’t let myself look how I wanted to until I was about 19 and underwent several style makeovers in my teens. A very common one is also that I can’t complain about anything because everything I do and study is apparently really easy to them, despite that my technical knowledge of art is good for a 20 year old and I’m trying hard to get better. My mother and my sister like to bring up how my sister works in her free time and that her school is much harder than mine, as if we were on the verge of being homeless and without a future and that working longer is a good thing. My sister also sighs and gets bothered by the fact that I am anywhere near her, answers in silence, with muffled “mm”s or with an attitude, which has led me to avoiding her as much as possible. Her personality completely changes to a cheery, invested daddy’s girl as soon as anyone outside the close family comes by, so I think she’s just insecure and manipulative but doesn’t see anything to gain in interacting nicely with any of us at home since she’s got us wrapped around her finger anyway. My mother is always very nice to me and people in general, but she has made it a habit to belittle me quite often. I think she mostly sees it as harmless, so I don’t hold it against her too much, and she has toned it down after I’ve brought it up, even if I had to do it a couple of times first. I’ve noticed that in my friend groups, some people target me more often than others and I’ve been called a drama queen before, so I know very well that I am more sensitive than most and that it’s noticable to others. I’ve worked on making teasing me feel less enjoyable to get people to stop, either by smiling it off or ignoring them, but I guess it’s just tattooed on my forehead that I can’t stand it. My mother and sister’s comments especially, since they always feel so honest and cutting. Though it might be a stretch to assume so, I suspect they’re the reason I have performance anxiety/ a feeling of forced over-politeness around strangers and that I feel like women can push me around verbally and that I find it scary to critize them. My mother, even if I know she’s nice and tries very hard for us, has a very short temper. Especially in public, because I know that she’s very preoccupied about how she appears to others. In the past, when I’ve annoyed her in public (like asking to play on her phone while we were waiting and I didn’t have a phone yet), there’s been times where she’d scream right in my face to fuck off, which would make everyone around us stare and go quiet. I feel like my mother has a pretty sad look on parenting; her parents were emotionally absent and had issues and her mother married an abusive man that she lived with most of her life, and when she didn’t live with them she’d live with a childminder. She wants to be a good parent, but she’s a bit lost on how in some areas by inheriting the absence of her parents. Nevertheless, having all of my closest family be so on edge all the time has had a toll on me and my ability to open up/feel safe around others sometimes. I suspect that they’re also the reason I’m somewhat self-conscious about my looks and my behavior when I’m in public (especially the length of my hair). It’s clear that my lack of masculinity hasn’t gone unnoticed, I’ve been called a faggot a lot of times, and it’s a shame that my looks and my behavior is stereotypically gay or female, but I can’t do much about it unless I were to brainwash or censor myself further. I used to wear brighter clothes, have a high-pitched voice, act more flamboyant than I do now and and just generally be more down-to-earth, but I repressed that part of me when I realized it was seen as gay and feminine. I didn’t like that people felt entitled to comment about things that evoked insecurities in me, no matter who they were and how the comment was presented, so I conditioned myself to be manlier. Constantly having to put up with degrading comments in an environment you can’t exit, no matter how much kindness you try to meet these people with, it really starts warping your perception of personal relationships and slowly erodes your mental fortitude over time, and now here we are. When I DO make similar remarks about my mother and sister, it’s always the biggest deal ever. I can admire their boundaries, but I also realize they’re the cause I have fewer. If I bring up that I find their behavior to be hurtful it’s always a battle, I never get met with any understanding. If I bring it up with my sister, she brings up things I did when we were kids as if she’s got The Great Book of Grudges under her bed and I’ve made no growth at all since I was 8. Always this fucking whataboutism, furthering my sentiment of being required to always be nice to her so as to not be a hypocrite. She takes absolutely no shit from me, no matter how small; and now she wants to become a cop too, go figure. If I bring up my sister’s behavior with my mom, she somewhat agrees with me but usually says that my sister is still growing and will be nicer soon, as if she can’t be held responsible for any of her actions and her terrible attitude even when she’s now 18. If I bring up my mom’s behavior with my mom, she starts victimizing herself and saying I’m ungrateful for the things she does for me (again, whataboutism). The way she sees it, taking care of her kids materially (household chores, help with emails, work etc.) exempts her from having to respect their boundaries or give them emotional care sometimes. I agree that I should help her more at home, which I have taken measures to do, which means I can listen and show sympathy, but a part of me also knows that no matter how hard I work for her, I’m still not going to have her fully listen to me, because I can’t remember a time that she has asked me how I feel/ if I’m okay in my entire life unless I’m bawling my eyes out in front of her, despite the fact that I’ve lived as a shut-in during my whole life. And that really hurts. It feels like she wants me to be someone else, someone tougher and better, so she doesn’t care about how I really feel, and so she doesn’t ask. It feels near impossible to ask someone to listen now, that I can’t be sad about anything. That you can just walk all over me and that it’s okay, because I didn’t walk the dog during my lunch break or something. I was just never taught that it’s okay to be sad and talk about it, and I’m finally realizing that my family hasn’t always been nice to me growing up. Just asking for help/comfort produces this massive guilt and panic in me and it would have been unbearable if I wasn’t so self-conscious about it and good at hiding it by now. I feel like I have to be controlled and smiley, or else people will think I need them to listen. When I’ve tried reaching out to friends, it’s usually a select few and after a problem is over, when it’s too hard to stay quiet. Some of them are really nice and caring and it means a lot to me to have my struggle be validated by people I look up to, but I’ve also had my problems fall on deaf ears sometimes, which is understandable, even if a bit disappointing. In 2019, I made a huge life decision that I thought would finally prove my worth to my family. I moved to Belgium and attended a really hard school. First time I lived alone. First time I had to take care of myself. In a foreign country where I didn’t speak the language. Didn’t have any friends. Where I had 5 different subjects at once, several of which I sucked at and all really hard to pass. In a country with an unforgiving school culture that I never experienced before. A school with power-tripping asshole teachers.  A country with the most bureaucratic administrative processes I had ever have to go through. A bitter taste of reality, and a really stupid decision born from desperation I didn’t acknowledge I felt then. I tried and I failed miserably. I felt like I was going insane and I was breaking down every day. I chose to drop out after two semesters and return as a failure, but now I feel like I have some sense of direction and a more realistic understanding of what pace I need in life.

SoH Template

The Basics

“You call it brutality; I call it efficiency.”

Name: Teru 光

Age: 28

Gender: Male

Spirit: Wild Boar

 Impulsive/Calculated: Impulsive 73%/ Calculated 27%

 Perverted/Chivalrous: Perverted 45%/Chivalrous 55%

 Charming/Stoic: Charming 70%/ Stoic 30%

 Drifter/Protective: Drifter 49%/ Protective 51%

 Finesse/Brutal: Brutal 74%/ Finesse 26%

 Eye Color: Black

 Hair Color: Black

 Haircut: Long hair that flows down and frames the face, as popularized by the sohei. However, he has foregone the headband and ties the rest of his hair with a hard ribbon; when he has time, he also ties a ribbon around the hair that frames his face.

 Height: 175 cm. (5ft. 9”)

Relationships - How much does the Ronin like their companions? Would they trust them to have their back? Do they trust them at all? Would they consider a romantic relationship with them or would they keep things strictly platonic?

Masashi (15): From the get-go, Teru disliked Masashi—he was everything Teru hated, after all: naïve, rich, had no knowledge of the true hardships of the world, and looked down on Teru because he did everything necessary to survive. His soft, humanitarian outlook would also get Masashi killed someday, or so Teru believes. Teru disliked him even more when Masashi disrespected him by throwing money at him—but he also knows that the only reason why Masashi is the naïve and insensitive thing he is, is because he had the privilege of not knowing the true nature of the world. Teru notices Masashi’s growth and maturation, and he begins to dislike him less—the ronin can’t help but applaud Masashi’s noble attitude towards everything, especially in putting others first; Masashi is, without a doubt, a better person than he is. Teru protects Masashi with his life as a form of penance, and he does it more religiously than any Shinto priest. As Teru spends more time with Masashi, his dislike gradually lessens and turns into a brotherly affection; he is well aware of Masashi’s crush on him, and hopes that Masashi would get rid of it soon enough.

               He also wishes the kid would just shut up and let him do his job, kuso.

Toshio (24): Teru and Toshio did not get off on the right foot. Teru had lunged at him and would have strangled him in the Lion Temple had Masashi not intervened, and he dislikes even further how Toshio never tells him the whole truth—it doesn’t help when Toshio pushes Teru’s buttons, provokes his anger and asks questions about things Teru would rather forget. Teru is also aware that Toshio prioritizes the mission above everything—Teru mistakenly thinks that Toshio believes the others (and their feelings) to be expendable. However, Teru appreciates his level-headedness, especially in the Baron’s island. He also knows that without Toshio, everything would go into the dust.

Hatch (25): “How did he get mixed in with us, again?” Teru prefers working with as small a team as possible, and so when Hatch became a member of their group, he was dismayed. He was even more dismayed by Hatch’s less-than-intelligent habits, by his boisterousness—but Hatch’s fiery loyalty, strength and bravery is not lost on Teru; Hatch’s nobility was greater than that of any samurai’s, and it had made Teru’s eyes widen more than once. When Hatch blatantly showed Teru how much he cared for him, Teru felt very confused, flustered and horrified by the sped-up beating of his heart—he immediately shoved those feelings away. He knew how much Hatch loved Momoko, and he didn’t want to drive away the first friends he ever made, and there was Jun. Teru treats Hatch as a comrade, a friend, and trusts Hatch to have his back in his own strange way. He would gladly give Hatch as much sake as he wants.

Momoko (25): Teru had extremely hated Momoko when he discovered that she was the opium maker, the destroyer of Jijinto and the murder of thousands. This hatred made him spit acid vitriol at her despite the burn of poison in his throat. However, he was horribly shaken when he realized that she was going to kill herself because of guilt—guilt which he crushed her with. He didn’t waste time in grabbing Momoko from the edge of the bridge and throwing her onto the pavement. He knew that his anger towards her for making opium was a hypocrisy; he had killed just as many innocents as she had, and they both deserved death for their crimes. The only difference was that Momoko could remedy what she did. Teru deeply respects and is amazed by Momoko’s goodness, skill, and her willingness to make things right.  She had saved his life twice, was wise, and was quiet; that sort of thing earned her a place in Teru’s heart. They had much in common; Teru began to feel—though he would never admit it—that she was like a sister. Teru would often talk to her and lighten her mood when she looked distressed... small wonder she fell in love with him. Teru rejected her as gently as possible; tears nearly spilled from his eyes when she said that she was leaving. He tried to force her to stay. Momoko was someone like him—better than him, and understood what true guilt felt like; he knew they could have been great friends... but she was gone.

Jun (27): Teru has many emotions about Jun, but most of all, it is guilt. Teru blames himself for what Jun became. Jun had come to Gensai a few months after he had, and he was a crazed, frightened child, hearing things in his head, jumping at every sound and having thoughts that he did not want to have—a result of being in the thick of a raid in a town to the east. Stress and negative emotions would worsen his mental condition, but training, laughter, company—especially from Teru—would keep the horrors at bay. First they were rivals, then friends, then brothers, then lovers. They spent thirteen years in each other’s company, ten of which were the most intimate in either’s lives. Then Gensai had gifted them both the Jigoku at the price of slaughtering children—the Jigoku gave Jun the strength to fight the darkness in his mind like nothing else could, and so he used it always, always, always, even when Teru begged him to stop; even when it was beginning to destroy Jun’s mind and turn him into an obsessive killer. And then Teru had killed Gensai.

               Teru had his reasons to do so, but he never told Jun a single one. He ran, abandoned Jun, never explained, never spoke—Teru was too terrified, not of what Jun might do but of what he might do—if Jun attacked him, Teru couldn’t ascertain that he won’t end up killing Jun; and he didn’t want to do that. And so he had left Jun to the horrors of his mind, to a silence that allowed his illness to run wild. This was why Teru feels extreme guilt. What, Teru thought, could Jun do but use the Jigoku to keep the darkness at bay? If Jun was insane—that was because Teru had allowed it. Teru believes that all death caused by Jun was indirectly caused by himself. Jun was his greatest regret; Jun was his greatest sin.

               When Jun had harmed Masashi, Teru still couldn’t bring himself to kill him; he felt too much guilt, too much love for the person he knew in his youth. The conflict of being a bodyguard and repenting for Jun caused Teru great stress during the course of the Shogi tournament. Teru, as with the rest of his sins, wants to repent for Jun.

               He’ll order Jun to kill him when he sees him again. The only thing that Teru will beg is for Jun to allow him to kill the demons before that. The others sometimes hear him say “Jun, I’m sorry” in his sleep.

               (I HAVE MANY HC AND THEORIES ABOUT JUN AND TERU-AND-JUN, AND IM ACTUALLY PLANNING TO WRITE SOMETHING LONG ONE DAYTHAT’S WHY IT’S LONG)

 --Delving into their Character--

Any special backstory to their name? What does it mean?

Teru isn’t a common name, but it isn’t rare, either. It means brilliance, and Masashi writes it in a way that can also be read as “light” (hikari) 光 ironic, he’s not a Firefly. To distinguish him from another Teru in the orphanage, the others had labeled Teru as “Akai Teru” or “Teru the Red” because of the red ribbons he liked to use for his hair. Also because he was very prone to violence.

 What do they wear? Do any of their clothing hold any special significance?

A maroon jacket (long turned brown by blood and use), black hakama pants, and a red ribbon to tie his hair with that he stole from a sohei some time ago. Not much significance. But the red ribbons he sometimes ties to the hair that frames his face—he does this out of a childhood habit; the owner of the orphanage (when she was a kinder drunk than usual) had said that he had red ribbons tied to his hair when his mother gave them to him. Child Teru kept on tying them in the hopes of being found and recognized by his mother—the older, ronin Teru just ties them out of habit and vanity; they do suit me, he thinks. Aside from his katana, he also has a kaiken—a dagger—in a sheath that resembles a folded war fan. It’s been useful in his past assassinations, and it was a gift from Jun in their younger days.

 Does the Ronin have any noteworthy physical traits or scars?

Teru has rather feminine features—he can be easily mistaken for a woman if he hides his katana, tightens his obi, unties his hair and moves with more grace. A trait that he has used in many of his assassinations. He has a vertical birthmark across his back, a long, ragged scar under his right eye (from Gensai during his one of his brutal punishments), and a plethora of scars on the rest of his body.

 How does the Ronin behave and/or speak around strangers? How do they behave and/or speak around their companions or people they trust?

Teru, to strangers, is a magnificent, charming young man, something like a prince straight out of the songs—but that’s just his acting to get what he wants. To the people he isn’t trying to trick, his dark, mocking humor and his less beautiful side shows; he can insult people with a compliment, and he doesn’t make an effort to be courteous—he’s not a geisha to entertain; he’s a ronin to kill. Around Toshio, he is very professional, almost cold; with Masashi he is a little exasperated, but kind; with Momoko and Hatch he speaks without a façade, for he trusts them. He naturally lies, but with Jun he is the most sincere you’d ever see him. He cannot open up and talk about his feelings without choking back tears. Teru is very emotional, very sensitive, and prone to violence and frenzy when he gets too emotional.

Are they extroverted or introverted?

Introverted.

 What would the Ronin’s alignment be (Neutral-Good? True Neutral? Etc.)? Why?

Chaotic neutral. Teru only fights for things he believes in—it doesn’t concern him whether it’s the good side or the bad side. For a while, the only things he believed in were his own survival, but now he also believes in his mission and his penance. The thing that hasn’t changed is his bloody, brutal and harsh methods. He is a little bit of a sadist, and revels in seeing his enemies suffer; he has a thirst for blood drilled in him not by Gensai, but by the rough environment of Genfu. And he wasn’t going to follow anyone’s orders or laws if he doesn’t want to.

 What do they like? Dislike? Is there any reason why they like/dislike it?

Teru loves sturdy trees, which he ties himself to and sleeps on; he loves sturdy rope and other useful supplies, such as matches. He likes dogs, because they remind him of the hunting hounds that used to be in Gensai’s mansion—he’d love to have one of his own to help him in combat, but he has neither the time nor the money. He loves hearing the bamboo flute; it fills him with a sense of peace. He hates cats, heights, horses and loud sounds. Horses reminded him too much of the time when the carriages of the nobility wouldn’t stop in the streets—they sped on and on, even if they ran over street urchins, even if they crippled one for life. He also likes hearing a good, thrilling story from the mouth of a talented orator.

Does the Ronin have any hobbies? Are they good at it?

Teru possesses a beautiful singing voice. He is very good at crafting—he could make rope, even sew things if he had the time or the supplies. He’s also a skilled actor. If he wasn’t so pragmatic or cynical, he could’ve entered a theatre troupe. Gensai, fancying himself the master of a legitimate samurai school, also taught Teru (and Jun) how to dance—the swift and elegant wardances were for balance and agility, and to appease Gensai’s love for history. Teru still does it in his spare time.

 Does the Ronin have any unique quirks?

He plays with his hair when he’s genuinely nervous and bites the back of his hand when flustered or embarrassed. He fiddles with the ribbon in his hair when he’s thinking. He also blushes easily, and claws himself.

 What is the Ronin bad at? Are they embarrassed by it? How would they react if their companions pointed it out to them?

HE CAN’T MATH FOR SHIT. Do not ask him to MDAS any numbers larger than 14. Do not ask him to MDAS at all (Hyugans don’t seem to have a number system like we use to solve on paper, but an abacus). Teru is extremely embarrassed by the fact that numbers are lost on him, and becomes extremely defensive and flustered when someone points out his mistake. He also has great trouble with riding horses. He also cannot cook—he just boils things, because the last time he tried to make anything he almost poisoned himself. He also cannot even draw a straight line 0/10 drawing skills. People also catch him clawing himself whenever his OCD attacks, and he snaps at them.

 What frustrates the Ronin? What do they usually do to calm themselves down?

Many things frustrate him, but what frustrates him the most are: loud noises, many people, many people making loud noises, people who sometimes mistake him for a woman, people who flirt at him when he’s not interested, strangers who talk to him all of a sudden, the guilt and terrible thoughts in his head that poison his mind, the fact that he destroyed Jun’s mind by leaving... the list goes on. When Teru gets frustrated, he snaps at others and runs away to somewhere quiet. In that quiet place, he sings to himself and watches things (people walking, clouds going by) until he’s calm. Fights never get him out of a frenzy, they just pull him in deeper.

 What makes the Ronin happy? Is it something small or something extravagant? Something tangible or abstract?

Teru is a simple man with simple needs. He only wants a few things: to be with someone he loves, to have a soft futon to sleep on, to have a good duel every now and then, to have his stomach full whenever he went to sleep. The last time he had these things constantly was before he killed Gensai. Being with Jun is something he misses, but tries to push out of his mind. He likes to hear a good song (whether flute or voice) and to hear a good story.

 What does their voice sound like? Do you have a headcanon for them?

Mamoru Miyano in Japanese, maybe David Matranga in English.

 Any other headcanons about the Ronin?

The words vain, sensitive, brutal, sadistic, cruel, impulsive, protective, principled, narcissistic, chaste, cynical, hardworking, humorous, cheery, kind and eloquent describe him in a nutshell.

He cannot grow facial hair at all, and he laments this extremely.

He suffers from OCD - Obtrusive Thoughts, which is one of the most common types. The OTs are always related to becoming insane and going to hell, and he claws himself to get rid of them... although obviously this ritual is only a temporary stopgap. (I did this because I want people to know that OCD isn’t just about cleanliness and symmetry...)

Book 1 Choices

Did Ume-Ume leave her home?

No—he killed both of the abusive city guard and threw their bodies into an alley with Toshio, shrugging at the idea of “conscience”.

 Who was poisoned? The Ronin or Hatch?

Teru. “Why did I even do that in the first place..?”

 Who grabbed Momoko before she fell?

Teru.

 Who did the Ronin request for? The Shinto or Jijinto guard?

Shinto.

 Did the Ronin spare or kill Daisuke?

Daisuke was killed.

 Did the Ronin let Momoko save her work?

No—they were in the middle of a burning mansion, and he couldn’t fathom why Momoko would ever need them again.

 Book 2 Choices

How did the Ronin deal with Jun’s return throughout the book?

Teru would have been elated to see Jun again—but he couldn’t, not when he was holding a sword to Masashi’s throat. But despite it all, Teru couldn’t bring himself to hate Jun or at least lose his love for him. He was terribly obsessed over the thought of Jun, bringing the topic up to Sadao and Toshio, and ruminating over it over the course of his stay in Jijinto. It was difficult to wrestle the thought of Jun out of his mind as he bathed. 

How well did the Ronin fair during the first shogi tournament?

Even though he’s terrible at math, Teru is rather good at puzzles and riddles. He managed to follow Masashi’s vague instructions. He also traded barbs with the Gold General happily. (What an asshole. And that’s both of them.)

 What was the final fate of the Gold General, Anzai Sukenobu?

Teru went to Jun’s katana the moment he heard the sound of a blade, his instincts and experience with Shiroyama and Jun driving him to do so. He did not expect it when Anzai stabbed himself in the gut, and Teru aided him into the afterlife. No one wanted to see an asshole suffer for hours on end.

 Did the Ronin try set up Momoko and Hatch together? Why or why not?

He first said no, because Momoko is out of Hatch’s league, and has absolutely no interest in the man anyway; he also listened to what Toshio said about distractions. But he helped anyway, when Masashi won out.

 Did the Ronin let Masashi/Masami cast the spell to help with the date?

He didn’t, as he knew that it wouldn’t work anyway—rain couldn’t make Momoko fall in love with Hatch; Masashi was also tired, and Teru didn’t want him losing any more energy than he already did. He got a slap in the face for his efforts.

 How did the Ronin react to Momoko’s confession? Did they try to stop her from leaving?

Teru had already suspected Momoko’s feelings, but he was still surprised and flustered when he heard it the first time. To know that he was loved was something he treasured, dearly. He forced her to stay, and grimaced when he realized he was acting like Jun. Gensai did often say they acted alike.

 Did they visit with the Baron? Yes, he was following what Toshio said about “learning more about the Baron.” He was shaken when the Baron displayed affection towards him, and threatened to bash the foreigner’s face in if he didn’t let go. THE MAN IS A DEMON, and he knew it the moment he saw those cat eyes during their duel.