#she literally has a pride flag in her bedroom in the game
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I’ve fallen into the Poptropica Rabbit Hole and all I have to show is a fruity little pilot
#poptropica#amelia poptropica#virtual world#lesbian#she literally has a pride flag in her bedroom in the game
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Can I just say that I h a t e the Whispangle teasing from the latest issue, because of how it's making all the fans act? It's the perfect combination: 100% non-canon because SEGA does not WANT or allow any romance, but the hints and teases are about as subtle as a sleighthammer to the knees, and thus now the fans are all claiming that "OMG IT'S SO CANON EVERY OTHER SHIP WITH THEM IS NOW INVALID AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT YOU'RE A HOMOPHOBE UWU GO FUCK YOURSELF". The fact that also Silver and Blaze are literally seen holding hands in the exact same issue conveniently gets ignored, despite the fact that apparently is the standard we're needing to meet here for a ship to be """""canon""""". Must be the fact they're in front of a few trees, not a unsubtly-coloured pride flag background.
I'm salty about the general fandom mindset, sorry. Was the exact same when Sonadow promptly got declared """""canon""""" when Shadow carried Sonic bridal style one time, except the fact Sonic has done the same with Amy tons of times too. I can't help but feel like fans of 'straight' ships are a LOT less insufferable about it than those of 'gay' ships, but that might just be a generalisation because this is Tumblr.
100% agree with you there, anon.
Like. Really, guys? The pride flag? Just in case we didn't get the hint enough? Funnily enough, you can even see it the other way around: Laviarray said, in his latest video, that if you removed the colors from the panel it would lose all meaning, because it's just holding hands, and it doesn't convey romantic chemistry (not helped by Whisper's expression: couldn't she look at Tangle, to signify that she matters to her?).
As I said, Whispangle lost all sympathy for me after their little drama. The two did not interact after their own miniseries, which apparently takes place between #16 and #17; then they meet again and Tangle decides to propose the Diamond Cutters' name as their own team name when it wasn't her place at all (and putting Whisper in an uncomfortable position in front of people who aren't aware of her trauma); then the incident is resolved with Tangle being like "i'm sowwy i didn't mean to i just thought your dead friends were so cool 🥺" and Whisper writing a whole ass multiple-tweet apology that amounts to "I sincerely apologize for my PTSD, I recognize that it's very inconvenient for you, from now on I will try to be a better person, therefore I will allow you to get what you want and use the name of my dead friends for your personal comfort"?
I. Don't see what y'all are seeing. Do we have to play that old game of "imagine if Tangle was a boy and this was a boring straight ship"?
To be fair, at least Whisper and Tangle holding hands isn't quite as irritating as the Sonadow bride carrying, or even worse Sonic giving bedroom eyes to Shadow in #6: Sonic and Shadow are such disgusting pricks to each other than the people who seriously see chemistry between them basically out themselves as people who did not read IDW, and are just going with out of context panels.
Not even going to talk about that little discourse of "if you ship Tangle and Whisper with men you're lesbophobic". That's stupid. It's so stupid that I feel stupid even explaining why it's stupid. Then again, it's Twitter, so what do I expect.
As for your last point, it does feel that way. I think it's because gay ships are immensely more popular on Tumblr/Twitter in general so it attracts more assholes, and because gay ships aren't allowed to simply exist, but are touted as Representation and thus Extremely Important Activism To Take Super Seriously. Which, guys, chill. It's just two anthros looking at each other. Have fun and stop pretending you're doing something important: shipping is just a game.
#fans don't look#if i wanted to swing a bat at the hornet's nest i could compare whispangle to bumblebee form rwby#but eh can't be bothered
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s1 Jonmartimsasha Polycule headcannons (NSFW under the cut)
Tim is the tallest at 6’3, Martin is 6’, Sasha is 5’10, and Jon is the shortest at 5’7
Martin is the first one to say “I love you” to all of them. Tim and Sasha has said it to each other before, as they were together before the polycule got together, but not to the entire group.
They’re all really into board games. Sasha and Jon get super competitive, so much so that they don’t even notice Martin and Tim teaming up to beat them.
They all love music. Any kind of music really. Sometimes they tease each other about the kind of music they listen to, but they will listen to it anyway because music is a great way to understand the deepest corners of someone’s heart and mind. (If they were all alive and well in 2021 they would go HARD to drivers license)
They love dancing too. They have dance parties in their living room all the time. Tim was an assistant dance teacher at his local community center throughout most of university, so he teaches them to salsa and swing dance and ballroom dance and so much more. Jon was a bit grumpy about it in the beginning, but now he’s really good at dancing.
They usually share a bed, but they do have a second bedroom as well for guests if they have them or if one of them is sick or just doesn’t want to share the bed that night. Everyone thought it would be Jon who used it most often, but it’s actually Sasha. In fact, Jon only uses it when he’s contagious.
Sometimes Sasha will go to sleep in the spare bed, then get lonely or cold during the night and have to rejoin the “boy pile” as she calls it.
Jon is basically a clingy cat. He can’t resist cuddles, naps, and warms rays of sunshine. He may even purr if you play with his hair.
Jon is tiny and all the others can and do pick him up, sometimes just to mess with him.
Sasha has an undercut and the boys take turns choosing what color to dye it. Tim actively tries to pick the mose outlandish and funky colors. Martin spends a lot of time thinking about her hair color, skin tone, and the colors of her clothing before he picks a color that would go well with everything. Jon always forgets until they’re in the store so he just picks the first color that speaks to him, and it usually ends up being Sasha’s favorite.
They convinced Jon to dye one of his grey streaks purple once. He really liked it but Elias gave him dirty looks until it faded.
Once when they had all gotten a bit drunk, Tim convinced them all to get matching tatoos. They decided on each getting the symbol for a different suit of playing cards on their ankles. Martin got a heart, Tim got a diamond, Sasha got a club, and Jon got a spade.
Legally they couldn’t get married but after a while they start calling each other their spouses and they even get wedding bands.
They have an elderly long haired cat named “Sargent Fuzzypaws” or “Sarge” for short.
They have weekly movie nights where they take turns picking movies. Martin likes sci-fi and fantasy, Tim likes classic B horror movies, and Sasha likes period dramas or superhero movies. Jon makes them watch documentaries at first, but once he is comfortable that they won’t make fun of him, he reveals his true love of rom coms.
Jon and Sasha are more or less the same clothing size, and they share clothes all the time. Jon especially likes wearing her skirts and dresses. He likes them so much in fact that Tim, Martin, and Sasha buy him some for his birthday.
Jon and Sasha also love to steal Martin and Tim’s clothes because they’re big and comfy.
Every weekend they go out on a date that they take turns planning. Martin tends to take them on walks in the park and nice picnics. Tim drags them to clubs whenever he can (he claims it keeps them young), but will bring them to a pub instead if they’re not feeling a club that night. Jon likes to plan day trips to Calais. It’s a long drive (about 3hrs each way), but they don’t mind as long as they’re spending time together. Sasha plans these fun guided tours of musesums, historical events, old warships, “haunted” buildings and whatnot.
Jon doesn’t have his drivers license. Tim does but he’s a terrible driver, he speeds, he takes turns to sharp, and he practically gives the rest of them a heart attack every time. Sasha and Martin are the only good drivers.
Sasha and Martin were the ones who decorated the flat. Tim’s still a frat boy at heart and after seeing his old apartment, all three of the others decided that he couldn’t help them decorate. He didn’t really mind until they made him throw out his rainbow monster energy can display (“But Sasha, it’s a rainbow! We’re gay! It fits perfectly!” “Idc Tim, it’s ugly”). Jon’s taste was a little too dark for the rest of them. They spent the majority of the week days in a dark basement, they needed a bright and colorful place to come home to.
They all think they’re being really subtle when they first start out, but everyone knows right away. Elias considers talking to them about it, as a relationship between archival staff is strictly against the employee handbook (that he wrote of course) but then decided to leave it be as the closer they are, the easier it will be to use one to manipulate the others.
They have pride flags all over the apartment. Pan, bi, ace, poly, the classic rainbow flag, they even have duplicates of some of them.
Tim is incapable of not buying anything rainbow that he sees. Everytime he goes out for groceries he comes back with balloons, or a rainbow bouquet, or more likely, some sort of candy with rainbow packaging.
Speaking of bouquets, Martin loves buying them flowers. He does it all the time. He’ll pick them up on the way home or even have them sent to the institute, anything to bring a smile to their faces.
The group dynamic changes so much based on who’s hanging out with who. Here is a handy chart:
Jon is pretty sex neutral. He doesn’t tend to engage, but he usually likes to watch or just be in the same room. Sometime he sits with them on the bed and kisses/touches them, though he rarely wants to be touched.
When he does want to be touched, the others spend hours taking him apart completely.
He does love kissing and making out though. Martin in particular loves making out with Jon. Jon will often get him worked up and then turn him over to Sasha and Tim to take care of the rest.
Tim and Martin get so horny when they’re alone together. Tim’s a literal sex god and he loves groping Martin and whispering dirty things in his ear to work him up. Sasha does this to the two of them as well, though not as much as Tim.
When Martin tops he’s sweet and gentle until he gets close, then he pounds in mercilessly.
Sasha’s rough the whole time. She slaps them and bites them and calls them names the whole time.
Tim’s really good at dirty talk. He’ll lean down and whisper beautiful yet filthy things in their ear until they come
Jon is king of aftercare. He’s become so in tune with his lovers’ bodies that he always knows exactly when to put the kettle on in order to have warm tea waiting for when they finish.
#the magnus archives#the magnus institute#tma#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#jon sims#elias bouchard#jonny sims#sasha james#tim stoker#jonmartin#jonmartim#jonmartimsasha#tma s1#tma s1 spoilers#tma season one
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1? for everyone 😊
(questions here)
(I made this way more complicated than I needed to but I think about stuff like this a lot so!!!)
1. What does their bedroom look like?
Maisie:
Canon: Her room back at her parents' house is still full of stuff from her childhood. The furniture is your typical ranchhouse furniture, she has a few cloth dolls scattered around and a whole bunch of books and old pieces of art from when she was young. Her bed is below the window because when the sun rises it shines through the curtains and she likes waking up to that.
Modern AU: Fairly similar, she likes keeping stuff from her childhood because she misses her family when she’s living alone. Tons of movie posters all over the walls, piles of laundry (both dirty and clean) literally everywhere, she has a little TV and a games console on her desk.
--
Aisling:
Canon: Her room is little more than a bed and a desk. It’s always very clean, and the desk is covered in chunks of wood she’s halfway through carving and pretty rocks/feathers/shells she’s collected. She has a big pelt on the floor as a rug.
Modern AU: Still a bunch of rocks and stuff laying around. Fairy lights on her walls, a handful of plants like succulents and herbs, and she has a small easel and a couple of half-finished paintings scattered in one corner. She hangs tapestries and has a lesbian pride flag above her bed, as well as a birdcage for her budgie.
--
Thomas:
Canon: His room at his parents' house was huge but very bare, mostly just consisting of his bed, a desk, and a wardrobe. The books he was allowed to read were always laying around his room (the fun books were hidden out of sight), and his window overlooked the street outside of his house. His tent is usually pretty bare, but he does have a stack of the books he’s collected over the last couple years.
Modern AU: His room at his parents’ is basically the same. His room in his apartment is much different. He has a lot of plants, ones that have colourful flowers with pleasing scents. He has a lot of things from both Maisie and Aisling, he likes to display them. Splurged and got himself a gorgeous typewriter that sits on his desk, right next to the hundreds of scattered papers covered in half-formed drafts and emo poetry.
--
Jesse:
Canon: His childhood room was shared with his brother and they didn’t have space for more than two tiny beds. His room in Bethel Springs was empty aside from a bed and a dresser. His tent is pretty barren too, but he does have little mementos dotted around.
Modern AU: His room in his apartment is still very minimalistic. He has a couple of instruments, a bed for his dog, and a desk for his laptop. He likes to keep it fairly clean, it’s not super organized and he’s absolutely that guy that kicks everything under his bed if he’s having company. He has a window seat that he likes to people-watch from.
Thanks so much for the question :D
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please help me get back on my feet after moving?
hi. i’m roxie.
if you don’t know much about me, i’m 25 & an aquarius. i use they/them pronouns and consider myself bisexual (this is relevant to my situation, i promise).
i am also autistic and have been in cbt for anxiety and talk therapy for depression for the past two years. i used to write a lot of fanfiction, namely for kpop fandoms, the walking dead, wwe, and night at the museum (don’t ask). i had a couple of really popular fanfics for the until dawn fandom, and even though i haven’t completed a fanfic in a while, i do enjoy writing them in my free time.
i’m currently a part time librarian assistant and get inconsistent work at the local arena doing security/guest engagement stuff. i am currently in a place where i don’t feel like my jobs are demanding too much of me, but unfortunately they don’t pay super well and i’m considering getting a second part time job or going back to school, but right now i’m still in the process of weighing the options.
the past year was very rocky for me in terms of income and mental stability.
here’s what happened
i was at least living in a place i thought was relatively safe.
it started slowly, as my roommates, at first, were an older couple, their son, and sometimes his girlfriend. then the boy invited his girlfriend to live there, the husband invited a coworker and his daughter to move in, and the wife moved one of her cousins in after that cousin’s boyfriend was imprisoned and she was evicted. pretty soon there were 8 people living in a three bedroom house, 6 of us sharing one bathroom. it was cramped, but tolerable.
then, a few months ago, my newer roommates started making homophobic comments towards me after seeing a pride flag in my room, making me feel unwelcome and vaguely threatened. they started using my things, breaking my things, stealing my things (like literally constantly using them and then claiming they were never mine when i confronted them about it), and telling complete strangers to me visiting about my sexuality derisively.
they later 'apologized' and the more aggressive behavior stopped when i sat them down and confronted them about it, but this was almost immediately followed by one of them in particular (the elder husband of the couple who had originally been living there) making uncomfortably sexual comments towards me in regards to me dating women. among other things, he began joking that he should be involved if i brought any women home, or that i should at least film it and provide him with a copy. he also started coming into my room without warning, and flirting with me when his wife wasn't home. this behavior got worse when he drank, and i began to fear a line might be crossed.
one night, he and i were the only ones home and i was locked in my room, playing video games. he began banging on my door, begging me to let him in and talk to him, audibly intoxicated. when i stayed quiet, hoping he would get bored and leave, he instead went around to the other side of the house and started banging on the window, removed the screen, and tried to pry it open, demanding to know why i was ignoring him and implying he was going to force me to ‘spend time with him’ once he got in. around that time his elder son got back to the house and started yelling at him to stop, which he did.
i decided i was really no longer safe there and started exploring other options, even though his son and wife apologized to me. it seemed like his wife kinda resented the attention he was directing at me? i mentioned to her i was planning on moving out, and she told me i would have to be out by the first of august or i would owe her another month of rent. and she just generally began being very short with me when she had always been very kind before.
luckily, i was able to move in with a great friend who is charging me a completely doable monthly rent. however, i had to be out of work on two weekdays i was scheduled in order to make the move happen before the first. i effectively lost out on 12 hours of pay.
another thing is, i have no furniture. i am sleeping on a borrowed mattress on the floor, which i am grateful for (it's a comfy mattress) but i would also just... really like a bedframe, and maybe a dresser so that storing my things can be a bit easier.
the last thing is, i am behind on a couple bills (car insurance and phone bill) and will probably continue to be so for a while because of the hours i will be short on my next paycheck.
as a result, i am just asking for help to balance everything out after the move. if i can recoup the cost of rent and maybe make up on the pay i missed out on in order to move, i can use that to catch up on bills, save next month's rent from my next paycheck and then start to save for some furniture and get back on track to where i can save to move out and get my own place. i'm pretty optimistic that everything will turn out okay, if i can get back on the right track. at the high end, i'm estimating that 400$ would get me exactly where i need to be.
to be upfront, this is not a crisis situation. i will scramble to catch up on things without help, and this might give me trouble when my time here is up and i need to get back out on my own. but i am safe here. i am not at risk of losing my housing here, or being abused, or sexually harassed. i am so grateful for all the help that has been given to me so i could find this safe place. if you feel any assistance would be better geared towards people in crisis situations, i totally understand and respect that.
but if you have the means to help me out a little, i would be immensely grateful!
here's how you can help me, if you want:
-signal boost! the more people see this, the more likely i will meet my goal, and the fewer people would have to donate to reach it.
-donate! my paypal is [email protected], but i will also create a gofundme for the sake of complete transparency, which can be found here.
-check out my wishlist! right now, it’s just a couple of furniture items, but i will be adding on, especially as it gets colder since i don’t have a good winter coat.
-message me! if you wanna let me know you've signal boosted or donated, i would love to thank you personally. if you wanna vocalize your support, i would love to hear it. i'm not exactly in the throes of despair anymore, but it's nice to hear people cheering me on regardless. if you have questions, send them my way! i'm happy to explain as much as i can to ease your mind. tell me about your day! honestly, getting to talk to y'all will ease my mind for a bit. even if you have questions you need answered to clarify or understand, please hit me up. i don’t mind at all.
PAYPAL // GOFUNDME // WISHLIST
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heyo, i’m katie, kate, k, whatever you like, my pronouns are she/her/hers, i am in the cst, and i am very excited to bring you my extremely underdeveloped baby child, sage lassiter !! bear with me as i figure him out more, for now, here is some about him and at the bottom some wanted connections !!
( I AM DESPERATE, IF NOTHING ELSE. ) * ★ : ｡ * — starlight is approaching, my dear. ( SAGE LASSITER ) is a ( 22 ) year old ( cismale ) myriad just waiting to unfold. he resides in apartment ( 2b ). though he can be quite ( apprehensive ), he makes it up by being so ( sanguine ). he is of resemblance to ( louis tomlinson ) but to us, it’s no wonder why he truly incarnates ( MERCURY ) ( kate, 20, she/her/hers, cst )
ALSO HIS STATS ARE ON THIS PAGE SO if you don’t wanna read this all you can get the general idea here
TW: violence, murder, suicide, self harm, depression, anxiety starting at BULLETPOINT 4 !!
sage grew up in was born in oxford, england to his parents. his parents weren’t english but they moved there because his dad was studying law at oxford university he was very very very intelligent it was unbelievable
his mom was a nanny so he got to stay home with her and they were so, so , so close
he was an only child until age 13 when the most traumatic life changing event ever happened
one night when he and his mom and dad were all home, sage was in his bedroom playing a video game and he heard a lot of noise downstairs. they had a neighbor who was known to be violent and he came into the house in an attempt to rob them when sage’s dad pulled out a gun and said he’d shoot if he stole anything. the neighbor left then but came back later and they were sitting in the living room after calling the cops to let them know what happened and the neighbor shot both his mom and dad and then himself because before he could shoot sage, the cops showed up
it was then that he was brought into child services while they tried to find family to send him to live with instead of foster care, so since his parents were not from the uk he was sent away from his child home all the way to colorado to live with his mom’s sister, her wife, and their two daughters (one older than sage and one just his age – i may send in wanted connections for them)
anyway, this obviously really messed him up and he’s been going to therapy since he was 13 and is diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and has a really hard time with impulsivity
as a person though he is really so Soft and so Kind and Warm and he just wants to feel protected and loved all the time
he cannot be mean. like it isn’t in his dna he literally couldn’t be mean to anyone
he’s very very protective and very very Aware of everything and afraid of ppl leaving or something bad happening
because of that he’s always the friend to call you or text you if he’s worried about you or if you don’t text him when you make it home
despite everything he’s usually pretty calm ? just on the daily he’s okay, but he’s got some medication for his ptsd and in turn some anti-anxieties and anti-depressants
he also likes 2 get high in his apartment bcuz it calms him down and makes him feel all loosey goosey and happie
he’s in college studying psychology (how stereotypical) and non-profit organization because he wants to work with children who have ptsd and other mental illnesses like he does
he’s also Gay As Fuck, like, he loves boys and he’s been out for awhile since his aunts are gay they were very welcoming and accepting about it and that was one thing he was able to be secure in. he v much found his comfort in his sexuality and being able to express it freely
he has a pride flag on his bedroom wall by his bed that’s very important to him it’s gone with him to every pride parade and he cherishes it
so … i love him. my baby. my sweet soft baby
SO HERE ARE SOME WANTED CONNECTIONS THANK U IF U READ ALL THAT LMAO IM VERY LONG WINDED
FRIENDSHIP PLOTS
BEST FRIEND / OTHER HALF / HIS PERSON ; since sage moved here around what would have been his grade 9 year in england, he came into america’s school system a year younger than everyone. he was 13 his freshman year of highschool and was really really smart and very very small and afraid and sad, so i imagine this friend came in and they were very protective of him and they stood up for him and they were just like his Other Half and the person who made him feel so much more comfortable here than he was - kennedy amari
EX BEST FRIEND ; someone he was really close to before they graduated high school and then maybe they had a falling out and weren’t as close, but we can play around with them getting close again?? or maybe they really don’t like each other now?? i have a hard time with the idea that sage does anything Maliciously but maybe he just became too much for this friend with all of his Things that he has - johanna pierson
FRIENDS FROM AN UNLIKELY CIRCUMSTANCE ; sage has been hospitalized a time or two under suicide watch and other things related to his ptsd, so maybe in one of his inpatient visits he made a friend and they got really close. they don’t have to have been in the hospital for mental illness, but anything ?? it would be easier with mental illness but if no one else has been hospitalized then anything will work
SMOKING BUDDIES ; this can be multiple ppl ! i imagine he gets high with kennedy his roommate a lot, but he really only smokes week and drinks so he just likes to get high at home and eat n watch movies n snuggle and what have you - kit henderson
ROMANTIC PLOTS
HIGH SCHOOL BOYFRIEND/PARTNER / EX BOYFRIEND/PARTNER ; again sage is like…. he wouldn’t ever cheat or lie or anything but he is very very clingy and does have a lot of Things that make it hard to be in a relationship. maybe they dated for a long while and were very very in love and sage just had such a hard time with the idea of anyone sticking around that it got to be A Lot to deal with so the partner was like… sage we can’t do this anymore i’m so sorry and they were both equally broken hearted and maybe we can play with the idea of them getting back in contact with each other or something. ??
FIRST KISS ; cute lil middle school kiss !! it could be with a girl or boy or anyone really, because they were so young but maybe they were also each other’s first partners, and if this was a girl then maybe they were the first person sage really came out to and now they’re good friends?? - luna medina
FIRST BOYFRIEND ; the first boy he got to be with !! could’ve been a secret at first because he wasn’t out and it was just cute sneaking around being teenagers n what have you
OTHER PLOTS
ROOMMATES ; pretty self explanatory but they’re really close friends as she’s constantly seeing him in his natural state, reminding him to take his medicine, sometimes driving him to therapy if he’s too down to do it, basically best friends that live together and it’s a hoot and they get high n order chinese n mexican food take out and they just love each other so much - kennedy amari
STUDY PARTNERS ; sage is pretty smart and could easily tutor your character? but it could also just be a friend they found each other in classes and started hanging out at school and eating together and studying together
CO WORKER ; sage works at starbucks because Duh, and he has for like two years now (and would desperately love a new job) but maybe these two have worked together since he started, or since they started if they’re newer than he is
LITERALLY ANYTHING !! PLEASE PLOT W SAGE
ok…. longest intro ever ask mack i do this every damn time lmao
pls like this post or message me if u would like 2 plot <3
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Cringy Land
by Tavian Floyd
Based on, F is for Family
CHARACTERS
FRANK MURPHY – A WORKING-CLASS AMERICAN WITH AN EXPLOSIVE TEMPER. HE IS TRYING TO KEEP HIS FAMILY AFLOAT BUT HIS PRIDE SOMETIMES GETS IN HIS WAY.
SUE MURPHY – FRANK’S WIFE WHO ISN’T CONTENT WITH HER LIFE. SHE TRIES TO KEEP HER FAMILY TOGETHER AND IS CURRENTLY WORKING AN UNFULFILLING JOB.
KEVIN MURPHY – FRANK AND SUE’S OLDEST SON. HE IS A SLACKER WHO OFTEN CHALLENGES HIS FATHER’S AUTHORITY. HE BULLIES HIS SIBLINGS BUT HE ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT THEM A LOT.
MAUREEN MURPHY – FRANK AND SUE’S ONLY DAUGHTER AND YOUNGEST CHILD. SHE IS FRANK AND SUE’S FAVORITE AND SHE IS A PERFECT ANGEL AROUND THEM. SHE HATES DOING “GIRLY” THINGS AND LIKES TO BE IN CONTROL.
BILL MURPHY – FRANK AND SUE’S YOUNGEST SON. HE’S SHY, TIMID, AND UNLUCKY. HE DOESN’T GET ALONG WELL WITH HIS SISTER AND HER RECKLESS TENDENCIES.
VIC – HE IS FRANK’S NEIGHBOR WHO USED TO WORK AS THE MARKETING MANAGER FOR THE LOCAL RADIO STATION. HE HAS A LOT OF MONEY, A DRUG PROBLEM, AND THE ADMIRATION OF THE OTHERS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD AND AROUND THE CITY. FRANK DOESN’T LIKE HIM BUT VIC IS UNAWARE OF THIS.
BEN AND KENNY - THE RED NECK, NEIGHBORHOOD BOYS. BEN IS THE OLDER BROTHER AND KENNY IS THE YOUNGER, DIAPER WEARING, BROTHER. KENNY IS CLEARLY TOO OLD FOR A DIAPER. BOTH BEN AND KENNY ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER AND OTHERS TO DO DANGEROUS, STUPID THINGS.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
FADE IN:
EXT. TV STORE – DAY
TEASER
The Murphy family is seen walking on the sidewalk in front of the TV store. Frank is carrying a few GROCERY BAGS in each hand. Frank stops because he sees COLT LUGER with a WOMAN on the TV display. The camera focuses in on the show.
WOMAN
What are you going to do to get
Gigantomundo?
FRANK (O.S.)
Whoa. Gigantomundo? This episodes
gonna be great.
COLT LUGER
Well broad, sometimes a man’s got
to do...
Colt Luger raises his gun and looks into the camera. The screen pans out to reveal Colt Luger is standing in front of a carnival game where you have to knock down the cups to win. The operator of the game is staring off into the distance.
COLT LUGER What a man does!
Colt Luger unloads his gun into three stacks of cups and the operator looks terrified and curls into a ball to avoid being hit by what appears to be real bullets.
The screen zooms out to reveal an angry Frank as Colt Luger receives his giant bear prize.
FRANK
Damnit, its just a commercial for
the amusement park.
Frank starts to walk away as Bill and Maureen press their faces to the glass to watch the commercial.
MAUREEN
Daddy, Daddy! Can we go to the
park?
(CONTINUED)
2.
CONTINUED:
KEVIN
You dweebs. Only little kids want
to go to that place.
Kevin’s eyes are glued to the screen as he talks. He is staring at Colt on a roller coaster as he fires his gun in the air. The riders behind him duck in fear.
SUE
(Whispering to Frank) The kids
have been doing better in school, I covered the groceries this week, and we could use something good right now.
Frank drops his bags, which reveals they are filled with BOXED TV DINNERS, and pulls out his wallet. His wallet is empty except for a folded paper that reads electric bill.
FRANK
Shit. You know, kids die on those
rides all the time. I’m not sure you want to go there.
As Frank starts talking, Bill and Maureen turn to face him and the TV changes to a breaking news story.
On the TV, we see helicopter footage of a TEACUP, with two passengers roll out of the park and into the freeway. A car tries to stop and manages to only tap the cup, but gets hit by the car behind it causing a chain reaction of car crashes. The cup and passengers are slowly rolling away unscathed.
MAUREEN
Actually Daddy, the odds of dying
on an amusement park ride is only point zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, eight percent.
The second maureen finishes, an eighteen-wheeler rams into the cup, shattering it and leaving a bloody tire trail in its wake. The Murphy family doesn’t see this and is staring at Maureen.
FRANK
Geez, what are they teaching kids
in school these days.
(CONTINUED)
3.
CONTINUED: (2)
The TV screen changes to an image of a man between two banners that read “CULPRIT,” and “STILL AT LARGE.” The man on screen is a dirty blond, with hair in his eyes, missing a tooth and holding a wrench. He looks eerily similar to BEN.
A MAN walks by with his wife and son and BUMPS INTO Frank, knocking his empty wallet out of his hand. Frank bends down to pick it up.
MAN
(Directed towards the TV) Thats a
shame.
Frank, whose bent over, raises his eyebrows in surprise before they furrow with anger. Frank shoots back up.
FRANK
Hey! What the fuck did you just
say to me! You think I can’t provide for my family or something? I fought in Korea--
SUE
--Frank please calm down.
FRANK
No! My Family is going to that
park!
The man and his family are scared and run off as soon as Frank finishes speaking.
MAUREEN Really Daddy!
Maureen runs in to hug Frank, who returns the hug. His wallet is still in his hand with the white paper sticking out of it. Frank sees the paper and his face has a look of worry on it.
FRANK
Oh o-of course sweet pea.
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
4.
INT. BEDROOM – DAY
The camera is zoomed in on Sue sleeping in her bed. She begins to roll over. She does an unexpected two full rolls and hits her head on her dresser. Sue wakes up, rubbing her head, dazed.
SUE Ow. What the hell?
Sue turns to see Frank lifting up one side of the mattress.
FRANK
Oh sorry hun. I had to get some
cash I tucked away if things got... bad.
Sue perks up a bit and smiles.
SUE
I had no idea you were thinking
that far ahead.
FRANK
Of course. You think I’m going to
let my family starve.
Frank pulls out a box and throws it onto the bed. Sue looks at it and sees a FEW loose bills.
SUE
Frank. Theres less than fifty
dollars here. I’m not sure thats even going to get us through the door. If you’re reaching into your savings then maybe we should reconsider this trip.
There is a knock on the door and we hear Bills voice.
BILL (O.S.) Hey are you guys ready yet?
FRANK
Mommy and Daddy are talking. Go
watch TV or something!
Ugh. Fine. Bill walks away
BILL
(CONTINUED)
5.
CONTINUED:
FRANK
Sue, we can’t let these kids down again. I know its not much but we
need this. You said it yourself.
Sue looks back at the box and lets out a sigh. She picks up the cash, straightens it, and starts counting it.
SUE
If we’re going to do this then we
have to set a budget.
A budget?
FRANK
SUE
Yes Frank. We have to make sure we
can afford to pay our bills for next month.
FRANK Right. Next months bills.
Frank scratches the back of the head.
SUE
Here’s thirty dollars. If we don’t
spend more than this we should be fine for next month.
Sue stands up and starts getting dressed. Frank looks at Sue for a beat before he starts to return the box back under the mattress. Frank realizes Sue can’t see him. He takes the rest of the money and folds it into his wallet.
FRANK
I’ll see you in the car.
Sue nods in acknowledgment and Frank walks out the door.
INT. FRANKS CAR - DAY
Frank backs his car out of the Garage. From Frank’s seat we can see the fridge in the kitchen window and VIC’s house in his rearview mirror.
FRANK
What are y’all waiting for? Get in
the car! Y’all were supposed to be waiting for us, ungrateful little...
(CONTINUED)
6.
CONTINUED:
Bill and Maureen come running out and hop into the car. Kevin is walking slowly towards the car with his hands in his pockets and a pout on his face.
FRANK Damnit, where’s Sue?
Sue is shown in the kitchen window grabbing the CAT COOKIE JAR off of the fridge. Inside the jar is a Plat-A- Ware container with rolls of dollar bills. Sue grabs a roll and walks towards the garage.
While Frank waits, he sees VIC pull out of his garage in his pink convertible, painted with a nude picture of Cutie Pie, Vic’s girlfriend, on every visible side of the car. Along with Cutie Pie in the front, three girls in bikini’s are playfully pushing each other in the backseat. Vic stops in the center of Frank’s driveway, blocking his way out.
FRANK
Jesus. What does he want. Bill
close your eyes.
Why?
BILL
Frank reaches back and flicks Bill between the eyes. His eyes close as tears start to run down his face.
VIC
Frank, my man. Where you headed?
Frank grips his steering wheel tighter and looks straight ahead, ignoring the question.
MAUREEN
Aren’t you going to answer Mr.
Vic?
FRANK
Well sweet pea, I’m hoping Mr. Vic
gets the message and leaves. Remember, sometimes ignoring your problems is the only way they’ll go away.
Kevin walks past Frank’s window but instead of getting in the car he walks up to Vic’s car.
7.
EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS
Kevin stands next Vic and gives him a fist bump.
KEVIN
We’re going to Four Flags. You
know the amusement park.
VIC
For real Kevino? What a co-winky-
dink. I’m hosting the memorial concert there for the accident.
KEVIN
Really? That’s awesome! Wait what
accident?
VIC
Ha. Exactly my man. Your already
thinking like the big wigs. No time to close. Another day, more cash, as they say.
Franks head is now poking out of his open car window.
FRANK
What is that man on this time.
(Yelling)
Kevin get your ass in this car and Vic, stop blocking my damn driveway!
KEVIN
Dad, Vic’s going to the park too.
Can I ride with him?
VIC
Yeah its no problem ma man. I’ll
even get the kid in free and save you a couple of bucks.
Vic playfully ruffles Kevin’s hair, in a loving father kind of way. Frank clenches the wheel again as Sue finally slides into the passenger seat.
FRANK
I don’t need your charity Vic, or
my kid riding in a literal cum- vertible.
Frank!
SUE
(CONTINUED)
8.
CONTINUED:
VIC Cum-vertible? Oh. The lady
Ha! You crack me up Frank.
SUE
Frank maybe you should let
go with him. It’ll save us bucks.
dance.
Kevin three
FRANK
Shit. Tickets are three bucks a
piece? You should have said that sooner (Yelling) Kevin get your ass in Vic’s car right now!
Sweet.
KEVIN
Kevin does a pelvic thrust of victory and jumps into the back seat. The middle girl grabs him and lets him rest his head on her breasts. The other two girls press up against his sides and, squishing Kevin’s face. His face turns red with excitement.
VICS GIRLS
He’s so cute!
Vic takes a look at his watch.
VIC
Look at the time. I’ve got to get
going. Catch you later Frankerino!
FRANK
Something is wrong with that man.
EXT. NEIGHBOR’S BUSHES - DAY
Ben and Kenny watch as Vic drive away from inside BUSHES next to the Murphy’s driveway. Kenny has a SUCKER sticking out of his mouth.
BEN
What do you think? Wanna go see
Uncle Ronnie at the park?
Kenny takes the sucker out of his mouth and attached to it is one of Kenny’s teeth stuck on it.
KENNY
Yeah. I wanna try that cup ride on
the TV box.
(CONTINUED)
9.
CONTINUED:
Ben returns with a toothy smile. Kenny puts the lollipop, tooth and all, back into his mouth.
BEN
Me too. Hand me the screw driver
would ya?
Kenny reaches into his diaper and pulls out a screwdriver with a red handle and BROWN spots all over it. Ben frowns a bit but takes the screwdriver anyway.
BEN
Whens the last time you changed
your diaper?
KENNY
I just changed it three days ago.
Ben tilts his head back and starts unfolding his fingers one by one as if he’s counting.
BEN
Then you should be good for
another two days. Lets go.
The boys scramble out of the bush. Kenny’s diaper has an extra mass that is hanging from his diaper that is dangling as he walks.
Ben puts the dirty screwdriver in the truck lock and jiggles it a bit before it pops open. Ben climbs in and Kenny follows.
CUT TO:
INT. FRANKS CAR - CONTINUOUS
Frank sees the trunk popped up in his rearview mirror.
FRANK
The stupid trunk’s on the fritz
again.
SUE
Should I send Bill out to close
it?
FRANK Nah I got it honey.
Frank shifts gears and jams his foot on the gas.
10.
EXT. FRANKS TRUNK - CONTINUOUS
Kenny is almost inside the trunk when the car jolts backward. The car turns quickly and speeds off with enough force to send the trunk crashing back down. Ben pulls Kenny’s leg out of the way but part of the diaper is caught. This produces a loud squishing noise and causes a green scent trail to appear.
Ben and Kenny plug their noses and try to muffle each other’s giggling.
EXT. ROAD - DAY
We see the Franks car driving on the road leaving a green trail as it drives. Everyone that drives into the streak switches lanes.
FRANK Christ, what’s that smell?
SUE
My god, I smell it too.
FRANK
Jesus Bill, say something if
you’re going to rip one like that.
BILL But it’s not me.
FRANK
Well it sure as hell ain’t me a
because I’d own up to it. You’ve got to own up to that stuff Bill. Show’s you’re a man.
Umm okay.
BILL
FRANK
Just don’t embrace it in my
fucking car. END ACT ONE
ACT TWO
11.
EXT. TICKET BOOTH – DAY
Frank, Sue, Bill, and Maureen walk up to the front of the line and are surprised to see ROSIE behind the counter. Franks hunched demeanor and scowling face changes to an upright smile when he sees Rosie behind the counter.
Rosie is wearing a uniform and tie similar to his mohican uniform except its colored red and gold.
FRANK Rosie? What are you
ROSIE Well I’ll be. If it
Murphy family.
doing here? isn’t the
SUE How’s Georgia doing?
ROSIE
Not great. She just got laid off
from the hair salon. They found out her afro was just a bad weave.
Sue is surprised and is avoiding eye contact with Rosie.
SUE
I’m sorry to hear that...
ROSIE
Yeah, so I picked up this job on
the weekends until things smooth out. It actually almost pays as much as the airline if you can believe it, and they’ve got kids working this thing.
FRANK
I could have sworn I was getting
paid at least twice as much as what they make hear.
Rosie looks at Frank and shakes his head.
ROSIE
You poor naiive white people.
That’ll be twelve bucks.
(CONTINUED)
12.
CONTINUED:
FRANK
I was actually hoping we could get
the friends and family discount?
ROSIE Sure. Twelve bucks.
Seriously?
FRANK
ROSIE
Sorry, Frank. I’m actually trying
to keep my job. Maybe if you followed the rules you wouldn’t be hastling me for discounts.
FRANK Geez Rosie I get it.
Frank slips the twelve dollars under the divider while rubbing his shoulder as if it were hurt. Rosie hands them the tickets and the family walks off.
EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY
The trunk of Frank’s car pops open. Ben jumps out as Kenny tries to climb out. Kenny’s diaper is stretched out even more than before. The diaper hits the ground before Kenny does.
BEN
Lets go, while they’re busy.
Ben runs off. Kenny follows but can’t keep up.
KENNY
Wait up, my diapy is draggin.
EXT. PARK ENTRANCE
The teenage TICKET TAKER in a red and gold uniform is letting customers in the long line through.
Ben weaves through the line expertly and no one pays attention to him.
TICKET TAKER Your ticket kid?
(CONTINUED)
13.
CONTINUED:
Ben smiles and proceeds to pants the Ticket Taker whose wearing ripped blue jean booty shoots underneath his red pants.
TICKET TAKER
No! No one is supposed to know.
Ben puts his finger on his lip in confusion the Ticket Taker starts to panic and reach for his pants like Ben expected.
As Kenny comes up in the rear, the line splits for him as everyone reels over from the stench. Someone even vomits. Kenny has no clue this is happening because of him.
Ben grabs Kenny’s arm and they run into the park. They see their UNCLE waving at them while running from overweight park security.
The Ticket Taker has pulled his pants back up as Frank and the family walk up.
FRANK
You gonna take our tickets or
what? I didn’t pay three dollars to walk through here for free.
TICKET TAKER
I’m sorry sir, its just these kids
came by--
FRANK
--I didn’t ask for your life story
kid.
SUE Frank, be nice.
Sue takes the tickets and hands them to the boy as the family goes through the turnstile.
Vic and the girls, still clinging to Kevin, walk up to the Ticket Taker.
TICKET TAKER
Wow, you’re Vic! Right this way.
The ticket taker stretches out his arm to motion them inside the park. Vic snaps his fingers and makes two finger gun motions towards the ticket taker as they walk through the turnstile.
14.
EXT. AMUSEMENT PARK - DAY
The Murphy family stands in front of a carousel and Kevin walks with Vic. Kevin spots a chili dog stand and stops to stare at it. Kevin reaches into his pockets but they come back out empty.
KEVIN
Damnit. Hey Vic can I borrow--
When Kevin turns back he realizes Vic and his girls have already walked away. Kevin’s stomach starts to growl as he walks toward his parents.
Damnit.
KEVIN (CONT'D)
FRANK
What the hell you say to me?
KEVIN
Nothing. Whats a kid got to do to
get some food around here? And I need money for rides and junk. You don’t expect me hang around kiddie land.
Oh no to be going
FRANK
you don’t. This is supposed
a family trip. You’re not anywhere.
SUE
Give him the money Frank.
But Sue?
FRANK
SUE
This is a trip for the family, not
a family trip, and Kevin’s old enough to have fun on his own.
FRANK
Fine. I want my change back.
Frank pulls out TWO DOLLARS, crumples them up, and droops in Kevin’s outstretched hand. Kevin unfolds the bills.
KEVIN
What am I supposed to do with two
dollars?
(CONTINUED)
15.
CONTINUED: Frank!
SUE
FRANK What, we’re on a budget.
Sue scowls and Frank rolls his eyes as he drops two more crumpled bills in Kevin’s hands.
KEVIN
Seriously? Just four dollars? Mom?
SUE
We are on a budget sweetie.
KEVIN I hate this family!
Kevin stomps away towards the chili dog stand.
FRANK He’ll be fine.
(turns to kids)
Alright what do you little monsters want to do?
MAUREEN
I want to ride the bumper cups.
BILL Ooh ooh, me too.
FRANK
Bumper cups? I swear whoever comes
up with these names is just lazy. The Murphy family walks towards the ride.
INT. BEHIND BUMPER CUP RIDE - DAY
Ronnie lies under a cup in the open tent. Ben and Kenny watch from the back entrance.
BEN
You fix that cup yet uncle Ronnie?
Ronnie gives a wide toothy grin, showing his missing teeth.
RONNIE
Almost. Oh you kids are going to
have so much fun.
(CONTINUED)
16.
CONTINUED:
KENNY
Hey Ronnie, how come thems coppers
was chasin yous earlier? Ronnie slides out from under the cup.
RONNIE
Those guys were just buzz kills
because one person had an accident. It ain’t my fault the walls broke down. I just make the rides fun. I aint no fence repairman.
(Turns to the boys)
Make sure you use that yeller cup there.
Ronnie walks towards the controls at the rides entrance.
Ben and Kenny jump into the yellow cup. Kenny makes a loud squishy noise when he sits down.
EXT. BUMPER CUP RIDE - DAY
The Murphy family walks up to the front of the line.
FRANK
Must be our luck day Sue. Almost
no wait.
RONNIE
That’ll be one dollar per rider.
FRANK
You know you remind me of
someone...Wait did you say a dollar?
RONNIE
Well two since yous got two kids.
FRANK
What the hell? Rides aren’t
included?
SUE (Pulls Frank away)
Whats the problem Frank?
(CONTINUED)
17.
CONTINUED:
FRANK
Robbery. After the cotton candy
and funnel cakes I’ve only got four bucks left.
Progressively louder)
Why the hell do we even have to pay to get in if everything inside is going to cost me money?
Ronnie has started picking his nose and is slouching over the controls, ignoring Franks outburst.
SUE (Yelling)
Stop making a scene!
Sue pushes Frank out of the way and pays Ronnie, who pockets the money instead of opening the register.
FRANK
Jesus Sue. Remind me not to cross
you.
Thanks Mom.
MAUREEN
BILL Yeah that was awesome
The kids run into the ride. Sue drags Frank away so the next people in line can pay. Sue turns to Frank with a scowl on her face.
INT. BUMPER CUP RIDE - DAY
A loud beep rings and a red light shifts to green signaling the start of the ride. Bill and Maureen are sitting in a red cup and across from them is Ben and Kenny in their yellow cup. Other kids occupy other assorted cups.
Bill and Maureen spin the cup together and get bumped once or twice before they spot Ben and Kenny.
BILL
What are they doing here?
MAUREEN (Waving)
Hey Ben, Hey Kenny.
The brothers waves back with a smile.
(CONTINUED)
18.
CONTINUED:
BEN
Hey Maureen. Wes going to hit you.
Ben and Kenny grab their wheel on a stick and tilt it hard towards Maureen and Bill’s cup. The cup shoots off with unexpected speed and rams into Bill and Maureen’s red cup.
Bill and Maureen’s cup spins rapidly as they approach a flimsy fence.
BILL Shit, shit, shit!
Bill raises his arms in defense as the red cup gets closer to the wall, there is a zoom in on the wheels as a brake system falls into place causing spikes to pop up under the cup. The ride miraculously stops short of the fence.
MAUREEN
Don’t be such a pussy Bill.
BILL
I am not! Wait, I don’t like the
look on your face right now.
Maureen stares at Ben and Kenny across the ride’s floor. She has a furrowed brow with a devilish smile on her face.
Please don’t
BILL (CONT'D)
Bill braces himself by clutching the rides restraints as Maureen grabs the ride’s wheel. She yanks it back and points it towards Ben and Kenny.
The red cups shoots off quickly, spinning rapidly while moving forward.
BEN Shit, shit, shit!
The red cup makes contact and the yellow cup is sent flying. As the yellow cup approaches the fence, the brakes fail to activate.
The yellow cup gains momentum instead of slowing down and the cup bursts through the fence and into the park.
19.
EXT. PARK - DAY
This is a birds-eye view of the park.
The yellow cup crashes into an ice cream cart, causing it to land on the man working there and sending ice cream flying everywhere.
The cup then hits a funnel cake stand, knocks over a roller coaster for toddlers, and riccochets into the memorial concert where the ride destroys the instruments and sound equipment by bouncing off of each item.
In a close up of the ride we can see Ben and Kenny with outstretched arms, happy as can be.
BEN This is awesome
I knows!
KENNY
The ride finally richochets into the gaming center and knocks down the water balloon filling game. The kids playing cleared out but the attendant working was stuck behind the counter.
When the ride crashes into the the tent caves in, causing the and the unconscious attendant.
The camera focuses on the back
two bulges form under the blue tent material and Ben and Kenny pop out, surprisingly unscathed. Kenny has grabbed himself a light blue bear from the wreckage.
KENNY
Yous was right, Uncle Ronnie does
know hows to make a good time.
BEN
Never doubt your family.
EXT. BUMPER CUP RIDE - DAY
Frank and Sue stand at the ride’s exit. They can see the hole into the park directly across from their position at the exit. They can see where the cup crashed into the game at this position.
game, the balloon pops and prizes to land on the ride
of the collapsed tent as
(CONTINUED)
20.
CONTINUED:
FRANK
Holy shit. I told them kids die on
these things.
SUE
Yeah maybe its time to do
something else.
Bill and Maureen come out of the ride’s exit. Maureen runs in to hug her parents. Bill trails behind with wide eyes and a slight frown.
BILL
That was kind of fucked up.
FRANK
You’re alive kid. Suck it up.
MAUREEN
Daddy, can we go play some games
now? I want to win a teddy.
SUE
I think that’s a good idea.
FRANK
Not sure how many games two
dollars is going to get us.
Sue pulls out her purse and gives Frank five dollars.
SUE
I’ll take Bill to play some games.
Lets make this a good day for the kids. Remember, don’t play a game more than twice. You have a tendency to get sucked into these things.
Frank quickly grabs the money.
FRANK
I don’t get sucked into anything.
(Turns to Maureen) Lets go sweet pea.
The Murphys walk towards the game area.
21.
EXT. PARK CROSSROADS - DAY
Kevin sees the family walk into the game area as he finishes his chili dog. He walks in that direction before stopping and seeing LEX and BOLO near the carousel.
Lex and Bolo are smoking joints and their eyes are a dark pink. Kevin walks up to them.
KEVIN
Yo guys, what are you doing here?
LEX (Remaining calm
throughout)
Just smoking a doobie man. Get off our backs.
Yeah.
BOLO
KEVIN
I mean at the parks you idiots,
and give me a hit of that.
Kevin grabs the joint from Bolo as Lex talks
LEX
We aren’t here for those baby
rides. We came for Fuck Gun’s the memorial concert but G-d struck down the bands instruments with an enchanted cup from the sky.
Kevin’s eyes get pinker from a single, long inhale of the joint.
KEVIN Shit this is good.
Yeah.
BOLO
LEX
Then Bolo scored this killer weed
from some dude in a trench coat. They call it Coin Flip because the high is either really good or really bad. And we’ve just been...smoking it.
Yeah.
BOLO
(CONTINUED)
22.
CONTINUED:
KEVIN
Yeah well, I didn’t come for that
baby stuff either.
There is a long silence as the group passes around the joint. Kevin stares at the roller coaster with his mouth open and a blank look in his eyes.
KEVIN
But wouldn’t be cool, if like, we just rode the big roller coaster.
Just to see how babyish it is. There’s another pause.
LEX
That’d be funny. I’m down.
BOLO
The group walks towards the roller coaster.
EXT. ROLLER COASTER LINE - DAY
Lex and Bolo eyes are now BLOOD RED. They are looking around frantically. Kevin’s arms are to his side, his eyes are pink, and he has a small smile on his face.
In front of Kevin in line a blonde haired girl, JEN, who Kevin starts staring at. Kevin reaches out to tap her shoulder.
KEVIN You look soooo hot.
Yeah.
Umm okay.
JEN
The line moves forward and Jen turns around to get in her coaster car. As she turns, she turns into Sweetie Pie, Kevin’s crush and Vics girlfriend.
Kevin stands there without getting onto the ride.
JEN (Seductively, as
Sweetie Pie)
What are you waiting for? You scared or somethin?
(CONTINUED)
23.
CONTINUED:
KEVIN
I ain’t scared of nothing. I’m all
man.
Kevin gets on the ride and Lex and Bolo get in the car behind him, still rapidly shifting their heads as if looking out for something.
EXT. ROLLER COASTER - DAY
The coaster cars start to climb slowly up to the peak.
Kevin stares at the peak which starts to extend into the clouds as he looks at. Butterflies and rainbows appear to cover the peak of the coaster.
KEVIN
This is going to be awesome.
(turning back) Don’t you think guys.
Lex and Bolo’s blood red eyes look towards the top too. From their perspective they see an endless ride in a red sky with no peak in sight. In place of butterflies, imp demons fly around, spitting small fire balls.
LEX
Please daddy I promise I’ll be
good. Don’t make me go up there.
BOLO (Looking at the
ground)
No mommy, come back. Don’t leave me alone here.
When they get to the peak we see Kevin looking at Jen, as Cutie pie. The light shines on Cutie Pie and she smiles at Kevin who smiles back. Kevin thinks he had a moment with the girl when the ride drops.
Kevin raises his arms and laughs happily as the ride drops. Lex and Bolo are freaking out.
They look at the bottom and see the face of the devil. The coaster tracks morph into the devil’s tongue and the imps circle Lex and Bolo while laughing hysterically.
Lex reaches back and claws at the kid sitting behind him, managing to get his finger in the kid’s eye.
(CONTINUED)
24.
CONTINUED:
LEX
No, please, I don’t want to go to
hell. I promise Mommy, I won’t touch myself again.
BOLO
I promise, next time I won’t
watch!
The ride gets to the bottom and enters the first. At the peak of the loop, Bolo vomits. The vomit falls straight down. At the bottom of the loop, the vomit lands squarely on Jen’s hair.
JEN Ah! What the hell?
Kevin turns and looks at Jen, who morphs into a Cutie Pie in a bikini with wet hair.
KEVIN (loudly)
Wow you look even more amazing than before.
JEN You freak!
Jens hair is whipping back with the gust of the ride, causing chunks of Vomit to hit Bolo back in the face.
BOLO
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to like
it.
LEX I want to go home.
EXT. ROLLER COASTER EXIT - DAY
Kevin walks out of the exit with Jen close behind. Kevin turns to the vomit soaked Jen.
KEVIN
So do you think I can have your
number?
JEN
Stay away from me you creep.
Jen walks away but Kevin is still smiling. Nothing can bring his day down. Lex and Bolo walk out after.
(CONTINUED)
25.
CONTINUED:
KEVIN
You know, that was pretty fun.
Maybe those kids know what they’re talking about.
LEX
Fuck that. I’m out of here.
Yeah.
BOLO
Lex and Bolo start walking away. As they walk, the park security runs after Ronnie.
KEVIN
Alright see you guys later.
(To himself)
Wonder who those security guys were after?
Kevin walks in the direction of the security guards, into the games area.
EXT. PIN GAME - DAY
Maureen and Bill walk up to the game. A sign with bold letters says 25 cents a game on it and another lists Levels for prizes. The game is set up with three sets of three pins stacked in a pyramid formation. A GAME CONDUCTOR is sitting in a chair reading a magazine featuring girls in bikinis.
How much?
FRANK
GAME CONDUCTOR Read the sign.
FRANK Seriously? This is how you’re
going to treat a paying customer?
The Game Conductor looks up from his chair. He has an annoyed look on his face.
GAME CONDUCTOR That’ll be twenty-five cents.
FRANK
That sir to you kid. I fought for
this country and I will be respected.
(CONTINUED)
26.
CONTINUED:
MAUREEN
Daddy can you just pay the man. I
want to play the game.
FRANK
Of course sweet heart.
(To Game Conductor) Here.
Frank pays the conductor and gets 75 cents back.
The Game Conductor hands Maureen a ball before sitting back down and picking up his magazine.
GAME CONDUCTOR
You get three throws. Have at it.
Maureen throws the ball. It MISSES. She looks up at Frank.
FRANK
You got this. Try again sweet pea.
Maureen throws the second ball. It misses.
FRANK
I believe in you honey.
Maureen throws the last ball and knocks down a SINGLE PIN.
MAUREEN Yay. I actually hit it.
FRANK That you did. Good job.
(To Game Conductor) Wheres her prize?
GAME CONDUCTOR No prize for one pin.
FRANK
What the hell do you mean no prize
for one pin?
GAME CONDUCTOR Read the sign.
FRANK (Yelling)
I’m not reading a damn sign!
(CONTINUED)
27.
CONTINUED: (2)
GAME CONDUCTOR (Looks up)
You need at least three pins for a prize.
FRANK
(with gritted teeth)
Fine. Would you like me to try honey?
MAUREEN
Yes please.
Frank hands the man another quarter and takes his balls.
FRANK
I’ll show you how I survived in
Nam.
Frank throws the first ball and overshoots by a wide margin. The Game Conductor laughs.
MAUREEN
Um Daddy are you sure about this?
FRANK Just warming up Sweety.
Frank throws the second ball. It HITS THE EDGE OF THE TABLE and bounces off, hitting Maureen in the head.
Ow!
MAUREEN
FRANK
Just a little friendly fire. It
happens sometimes. Walk it off. I know Goomer did. Bless his heart. I got this.
Frank throws the last ball and hits the pyramid of pins in the center, knock down all three.
FRANK
Boom! Thats how you become an ace
sniper for the US of A.
MAUREEN By missing a lot?
Before Frank can respond:
(CONTINUED)
28.
CONTINUED: (3)
GAME CONDUCTOR Here’s your prize
The conductor pulls out a bear keychain and slides it across to Frank.
FRANK
What the hell is this? My daughter
wants the bear.
GAME CONDUCTOR No can do. The only level one
prizes are key chains.
FRANK
Key chains? That’s bullshit we
came for the damn bear.
Frank slams his hand on the counter and points DIAGONALLY UPWARD towards the bears. There are to sizes of bears in that direction and its ambiguous which bear Fank is pointing too. The Conductor assumes its the larger one.
GAME CONDUCTOR
Oh you want ‘the’ bear. You’ve got
to knock down all three sets of pins to get that one.
FRANK
Are you serious? Who comes up with
this shit?
GAME CONDUCTOR
I don’t make the rules man. I just
work here.
MAUREEN
Its ok Daddy, I don’t need the
bear and mommy said not to play more than twice.
FRANK
No, if my little girl wants the
bear, she’s getting a bear. Besides Mommy was talking to you, not me.
MAUREEN I don’t think she was.
Frank ignores her and hands the Game Conductor another dollar.
(CONTINUED)
29.
CONTINUED: (4)
He plays again, this time managing to knock down the first set and the second set, but misses his third shot greatly. The game conductor gets up to hand Frank a prize but Frank calls out to him.
FRANK
Don’t bother unless its the damn
bear. I’m not filling my house with this shit.
The conductor sits back down and Frank slides him another quarter. This time Frank knocks down the first two sets but only gets the top pin in the third set.
FRANK
Jiog-ei geim jeoju.! (damn this
game to hell in Korean)
GAME CONDUCTOR
You sure you don’t want you prize?
Frank ignores him and slides another dollar to the conductor.
A short montage of Frank failing takes place: One where he misses all three shots, one where he focuses all shots on the last pins to prove it can be knocked down, one where he almost wins but the final pin jumps back into place after leaning as if it were going to fall.
Maureen arms are folded throughout.
MAUREEN
Daddy I don’t even want the bear
now. Can we play something else?
Frank kneels down on one knee to speak to Maureen.
FRANK
Darling, this isn’t about you
anymore. Sometimes a man commits to something, and as a man, he has to see that commitment through to the end. Thats what man does and thats what I’m going to do. You understand?
MAUREEN
So are you committed to sitting
around the house? You get fired a lot.
(CONTINUED)
30.
CONTINUED: (5)
Frank grabs the top his noses and pinches himself between the eyes in frustration and stands back up. Frank opens his wallet and see’s the electric bill blocking his last quarter.
FRANK
Shit. I spent it all. Well there’s
no point in holding onto this quarter.
Frank slides his last quarter to the conductor and grabs his last three balls.
He knocks down the first two towers with ease, but on the third, he knocks out the LOWER LEFTT PIN. The top pin stays perfectly still even though it should be unbalanced.
FRANK
Holy shit... This game is fucking
rigged!
(Turns to Game
Conductor)
Did you know about this?
What?
GAME CONDUCTOR
Frank pics up a quarter and throws it at the pins. It sticks to the top one instead of bouncing off.
FRANK
Fucking magnets! Whats your
fucking game? You pocket hard working people’s money?
GAME CONDUCTOR
Naw man thats just how it works. I
thought everyone knew these games were rigged.
FRANK I’m going to kill you.
Frank pulls the from behind the counter and starts punching him.
Daddy stop!
MAUREEN
The security guards run past the game at this point. They stop and grab Frank.
(CONTINUED)
31.
CONTINUED: (6)
FRANK
What the hell! Get off me. That
man stole my money. I’m the victim here.
Sue and Bill walk in from the right. Kevin walks in from the left.
SUE
Oh my G-d! Frank? What happened?
FRANK
This asshole stole my money. The
game is rigged Sue, its rigged.
SUE
Damnit Frank. I told you not to play more than twice. Why can’t
you just listen for once?
KEVIN
Holy shit. My dad’s going to jail?
SUE
Don’t worry. They’re not real cops
we just won’t be back at this park for a while.
The security officers cuff Frank and start walking him away.
SUE (CONT'D) We’ll see you outside honey.
FRANK
As Frank approaches the exit another group of security brings up RONNIE next to Frank.
FRANK What they get you for?
RONNIE
I was just trying to make the
rides fun again and they go and cuff me.
Yeah. Yeah.
EXT. PARK EXIT - SUNSET
(CONTINUED)
32.
CONTINUED:
FRANK
Right? I got my money stolen and
they cuffed me. The legal system is backwards. I feel for you.
They make it to the park exit and a police car pulls up.
FRANK
Holy shit, I’m actually going to
jail?
PARK OFFICER
Naw, they’re here for the other
guy. He’s responsible for two murders, 5 injuries, and seven thousand in property damage.
RONNIE (Laughing)
It was a good ride though. Ronnie gets into the cop car.
FRANK Damn. Thats fucked up.
PARK OFFICER
Yep. As for you, I don’t want to
see your face around here again or we will get the cops involved.
The officer unshackles Frank and pushes him through the exit before closing the gate.
END ACT TWO
ACT THREE
Frank sits in his car and sees the rest of his family approach through his side mirror. Kevin is chowing on chili dogs and Maureen is holding a teddy bear. Bill has cotton candy. They get into the car.
FRANK (Quietly to Sue)
I’m sorry Sue. I messed up.
INT. FRANKS CAR - SUNSET
I know.
SUE
(CONTINUED)
33.
CONTINUED:
FRANK
No I mean. I spent all the money I
had.
SUE
Don’t worry Frank I didn’t give
you more than we could afford.
FRANK
I spent a little more than that.
What?
SUE
EXT. PARKING LOT – SUNSET
Ben and Kenny stroll up to the car with dirty mouths. Kenny’s diaper is still dragging on the ground leaving a brown streak in his path.
KENNY
That poop dog sure was good. Maybe
I should make mines owns.
BEN
That wasn’t poop you dimwit. It
was chili. They just look the same. Get in the trunk.
Ben jiggles the lock again and both boys hop in the trunk.
INT. FRANKS CAR - SUNSET
SUE (loudly)
You spent the rest of your savings?
FRANK
I just said that. You can lower
your voice.
SUE
Lower my--You’re lucky I have been
saving. It seems like I’m the only one capable of providing for this family.
Frank is silent while he starts the car.
(CONTINUED)
34.
CONTINUED:
BILL
Umm are we going to be okay.
FRANK
Don’t worry. Everything’s going to
be fine. Its just that I’m not sure what we’re going to eat tonight.
BILL
Thats ok. I’m not hungry.
MAUREEN Yeah me neither.
Kevin’s eyes are still pink.
KEVIN
Seriously? I’m starving. But I’d
rather starve than eat another of those TV dinners, so I guess I’m good.
FRANK
Wow, really? Maybe this won’t be
so bad.
Daddy, thanks bear. I had a
MAUREEN
for winning me the great time.
BILL Yeah me too.
Me a three.
KEVIN
FRANK Really guys?
(to Sue) When did she?
SUE
The man gave it to her after you
were taken away.
There is a pause and a tear rolls down Frank’s eye.
SUE (CONT'D)
I’m sorry I yelled at you. It’s ok. We’ll find a way. We always
do.
(CONTINUED)
35.
CONTINUED: (2)
FRANK I know honey.
Frank leans for a kiss but is stopped.
SUE
Good lord, what is that smell?
FRANK Damnit Bill, again?
BILL It’s not me. I swear.
FRANK
Ugh, then Kevin? Seriously?
KEVIN
What the hell? I didn’t do it.
FRANK
Don’t give me that shit. I saw you
with those chili dogs.
Frank rolls down the windows and kevin sits back with his arms folded and lips poked out in anger.
INT. MURPHY’S GARAGE - NIGHT
The family exits the car. Frank opens the door and lets everyone through except Kevin.
FRANK
You’re not bringing that shit into
the house.
KEVIN
But I didn’t do anything!
FRANK I’ve heard that before.
Frank slams the door in Kevin’s face. Kevin hears his parents behind the door
SUE (O.S.)
Frank. How come the lights aren’t
working?
FRANK (O.S.)
Ha, ha. Who needs lightS in the
middle of the night anyway?
(CONTINUED)
36.
CONTINUED:
Frank Murphy!
SUE (O.S.)
EXT. MURPHY'S GARAGE - NIGHT
Kevin angrily mumbles something incomprehensible to himself as he makes his way to the basement.
Ben and Kenny let themselves out of the car trunk and Kevin spots them scurrying away.
KEVIN What the fuck?
Ben turns and laughs before running down the street. Kenny follows but his diaper gets caught on a bush, ripping it off and exposing his brown stained butt.
KEVIN
I really need to stop smoking.
END ACT THREE
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