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#she chose these curtain colours after his death to remind her of the dog she had lost ÷
narutomaki · 9 months
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I always get self conscious when people talk about the amount of thought the goes/went into their art because there is.
there is no upper processing happening when I'm designing a character or background. my hand starts moving and my brain shuts off. I recognize there was probably a point in my life where this WASN'T the case but. like. it's why my art is like. mostly flat and lifeless. my art is never intended to tell a story because when I intend to I get angry/frustrated to the point of wanting to break shit because it's not going right. and I've tried to tell stories with my art both comics and stand alone pieces and it all feels fake or flat or.
idk.
I've TRIED to start and finish a piece where I've made conscious choices beyond "does this look good/right" and "am I being offensive in ways I'm aware of with anything here" but it just. makes me want to scream.
I learned people told stories with their art and I tried to and I stopped drawing for 5 years despite having. before that point been doing art studies for 8 to 10 hours a day for. 2 years.
I mostly just think it's because I have nothing to. say.
I can't add anymore tags to this post??? homophobia.
any way this post is useless idk I'm just sad because people do this thing so easily and enjoy it when it makes me break down crying. I don't get it. every person I've known regardless of neurodivergency has been able to do this consciously to some degree and enjoy it and meanwhile my stupid ass is asked how/why i chose something and I just. shrug. idk
looked nice?
#idk i probably say a lot UNintentionally#but like.#idk i feel like im just being. like. whining. for no reason. like boo hoo no one cares grow up if art makes you thay mad just stop drawing#like. man i WANT to think i WANT to tell stories i intend to tell along with the things i dont pick up on but.#i also mean like. if someone looked at a piece they could pick it apart comprehensively. like#but its like. idk. im like. i think im just to stupid for it.#im the same way with media analysis to be fair. which isnt like great but like.#why did someone choose this lighting? i dont know they thought it looked good ?#i have gotten 90-100% on every single analysis and opinion piece i ever submitted in HS for English#the only time i DIDNT get over 89% on an opinipn piece is when i tried to articulate my actual feelings on a topic to go along w researc#THAT got me pulled aside and told what i had written about was inappropriate and that i should think twice#before submitting a paper with that kond of content in the future#ao i did :^) and went back to bullshitting every single thing!#the curtains were blue in this scene to indicate not sadness but instead her deep love for uhhh fuck. flips through reading material and#lands on a random page. her dog buddy who is depcited in chapter (x) seeing as buddy is usually a male dogs name we can extrapolate and say#she chose these curtain colours after his death to remind her of the dog she had lost ÷#end sentence end oaragraph submit paper withoit a secondary proof reading and lie and say i left the roigh draft at home. walk away#how did i get high grades. dude. like everyone says teachers know when a kids bullshitting but like#the teachers ATE MY SHIT UP 😑 i got used as an example of comprehensive stucture and analysis on more than one occasion#this is not me bragging this is me saying i never actually learned how to domthis stuff because i was supported in faking it#some people can do analysis like yhis on their first read through like. and remember it. how? how??? what???#whay do you mean its because you read mote than thee sparknotes and random chapters because the book didnt interest you.#'we know when you dont actually read the book?' why did you compliment me on my comprehensive opinons of the parts i didnt readm#'We know when you write it the night before?' why did you laude me as an example of dedication put into an essay when i fucked around every#single in class wotk session past the first one and frantically typed and printed that in the computer lab before class 20 minutes ago?#why!! like DUDE#its like when they say they can tell when you use wikipedia to soirce things and then lie about it#and then compliment ur sources when youbl just used wikipedias sources. witout reading them urself.#which i also did#and when they tell you not to just use google translate because they can tell. when i did and then edited a LITTLE to catch names.
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🤒 and 💀 for Jake and Rose please in the Duke Universe. Maybe after Jake saves Duke's life from something? Or some other plot you prefer
Ngl, I've been thinking about this one since I got it and I almost skipped some others to do it. Buuuut I did not because I'm trying not to play favourites😂
Reminder that I am both sick and on my phone. Hopefully this all makes sense.
🤒 Needing to be looked after
💀 Near-death experience
Jake was the good guy. Jake liked to be the good guy. Jake always chose to be the good guy. And, in times like this, he hated being the good guy. He had been patrolling, having an average day, thinking about a hot dog for lunch from his favourite street vendor, when some schmuck of a civilian decided to get involved in a fight between two wizards. And he had to save that civilian because that was what the good guy did.
Of course, that civilian was Duke Eloi because he was a cosmic joke.
Duke was scraped up and dazed but nothing life threatening. He was scared at the sight of blood which Jake just took as yet another sign that he was a good, sensitive guy, and Jake would never compare.
Jake touched down in front of the cute little house that Rose and Duke shared and he was so bitter about the fact that there were flower boxes in the windows that he had to take a moment to check himself before he dragged the mostly passed out Duke to the front door and ringing the doorbell.
Jake's stomach fluttered as it always did when he knew he was going to see Rose again. She pulled back the curtain that covered the front door window and gasped.
"Jake! You know you can't come here -" She yanked the door open and stopped in her tracks. "Duke? Honey, can you hear me?"
Duke groaned. "Rosie?"
Jake was going to puke.
"Help me get him inside. What happened?"
Jake explained briefly as he followed Rose through her kitschy home, so packed with overwhelming colour that he was going to get dizzy. He helped lay Duke out on the multi-patterned couch and stood back awkwardly. Rose rushed in from the kitchen, a first aid kit in her hands, and she knelt down by his head.
"Are you sure he'll be fine?" Rose asked anxiously and Jake felt his throat close up. She hadn't asked how he was doing.
"Oh, yeah, it definitely looks worse than it is. Give him a scrub and watch for a concussion. I don't think any spells hit him."
Rose kissed Duke's hand. "Hold on, okay? I'm just going to see the nice man out."
Duke rumbled her name again and closes his eyes. Rose gestured for Jake to follow her in the foyer and Jake did, watching a black cat clock spin its eyes and wiggle its tail behind her head.
Rose crossed her arms. "You really mean to tell me out of all the people in the city, you just so happened to find him?"
"I wouldn't do that just to see you again." Jake took a chance and stroked her cheek, eliciting a small gasp. "But I do want to see you again."
"My husband is home and bleeding on the couch," Rose whispered frantically. "I have to take care of him."
She reached up to remove Jake's hand from her cheek but instead she ended up holding him, cuddling into his palm. Jake inched closer to her. She opened her eyes and looked at him. He leant in slowly, giving her time to push him away, but she didn't. She let him kiss her with gentleness. Jake went to draw her into his arms when Duke called out again and she pushed him away.
"Get out of here and don't come back," she ordered and then she slammed the door in his face.
Send me more!
Btw this is what Rose's living room looks like (approx):
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bookcalanthedaily · 3 years
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okay so what’s up with geralt and calanthe? why do i ship them, why do i love them so much, and a little bit about how i believe them to be the book example of courtly love.
okay so let me start with the fact i read the books for the first time back in 2012, no spoilers, no previous knowledge whatsoever and up until the point where calanthe’s death was announced in sword of destiny, i believed, or maybe hoped, that they would end up together.
it started during the feat in a question of price, with their obvious flirting and how geralt seemed to be mesmerized by calanthe. the way I see it, the narrator sees the world with geralt’s eyes, and the way calanthe is described is truly like nothing else. There aren’t any words that directly describe her as beautiful or sexually appealing, no description of her breasts or otherwise her body (which I feel is weird for sapkowski??) . She is described in ways that in a very unobvious way show her grace, her dignity, the aura that she has around her. but despite that there are, still, a few moments that obviously point to geralt’s attraction to calanthe; 
‘But hasn't fascination with my beauty and charming personality clouded your judgement?‘ ‘So I'm honoured and proud to be sitting by Queen Calanthe of Cintra, whose beauty is surpassed only by her wisdom.’ ‘Very well,' said the witcher. 'I ask for your green sash, Calanthe. May it always remind me of the colour of the eyes of the most beautiful queen I have ever known.'
so it is obvious that the lack of more obvious descriptions of her beauty isn’t caused by her, well, not beaing beautiful, but rather because the physical aspect of her appeal is the less important one.
she not only invited geralt to her table. she sat him on her righthand side and treated him like a human being, not a mutant. she is the first character in the books to have this sentiment;
'It's true,' said Calanthe. 'Geralt, present here, is a witcher. His trade is worthy of respect and esteem. He has sacrificed himself to protect us from monsters and nightmares born in the night, those sent by powers ominous and harmful to man. He kills the horrors and monsters that await us in the forests and ravines. And those which have the audacity to enter our dwellings.'
and ever since that feast, geralt is known as the witcher whom even kings invited to their tables, just because calanthe was kind enough to do it. 
after that, geralt dreams about her not once, but twice. 
dream 1:
"A bower, warmth, the scent of flowers, the intense, monotonous hum of bees. He, alone, on his knees, giving a rose to a woman with mousy locks spilling from beneath a narrow, gold band. Rings set with emeralds–large, green cabochons–on the fingers taking the rose from his hand. ‘Return here,’ the woman said. ‘Return here, should you change your mind. Your destiny will be waiting.’ I shall never return here, he thought. I never… went back there. I never returned to… Whither? Mousy hair. Green eyes."
this is basically geralt reliving calanthe’s invitation for him to return to cintra, or even stay in cintra, if that was his wish. he never returned, and when he did want to return, it was too late. 
dream 2:
‘There is no destiny,’ his own voice. ‘There is none. None. It does not exist. The only thing that everyone is destined for is death.’ ‘That is the truth,’ says the woman with the mousy hair and the mysterious smile. ‘That is the truth, Geralt.’ The woman is wearing a silvery suit of armour, bloody, dented and punctured by the points of pikes or halberds. Blood drips in a thin stream from the corner of her mysteriously and hideously smiling mouth. ‘You sneer at destiny,’ she says, still smiling. ‘You sneer at it, trifle with it. The sword of destiny has two blades. You are one of them. Is the second… death? But it is we who die, die because of you. Death cannot catch up with you, so it must settle for us. Death dogs your footsteps, White Wolf. But others die. Because of you. Do you remember me?’ ‘Ca… Calanthe!’ ‘You can save him,’ the voice of Eithné, from behind the curtain of smoke. ‘You can save him, Child of the Elder Blood. Before he plunges into the nothingness which he has come to love. Into the black forest which has no end.’ Eyes, as green as spring grass. A touch. Voices, crying in chorus, incomprehensibly. Faces.
to me, in this dream, calanthe is the physical embodiment of geralt’s guilt. of his belief that calanthe, pavetta and perhaps the entire cintra were hurt because he refused to face destiny. there is also the mysterious sentence from eithne; 
“You can save him, Child of the Elder Blood. Before he plunges into the nothingness which he has come to love. Into the black forest which has no end.”
and while some might say that she was saying it to ciri... ciri is not present even for a moment during that sequence.
and finally, there is their farewell moment; 
He looked into her glaring green eyes. She smiled. He could not decipher the smile.
There was a rosebush growing beside the summerhouse. He broke a stem and picked a flower, kneeled down, and proffered it to her, holding it in both hands, head bowed. ‘Pity I didn’t meet you earlier, White Hair,’ she murmured, taking the rose from his hands. ‘Rise.’ He stood up. ‘Should you change your mind,’ she said, lifting the rose up to her face. ‘Should you decide… Come back to Cintra. I shall be waiting. And your destiny will also be waiting. Perhaps not forever, but certainly for some time longer.’ ‘Farewell, Calanthe.’ ‘Farewell, Witcher. Look after yourself. I have… A moment ago I had a foreboding… A curious foreboding… that this is the last time I shall see you.’ ‘Farewell, O Queen.’
and to me, this is one of the most romantic scenes in the entire series. the way she brings the offered flower to her face, the words ‘pity i didn’t meet you earlier’ and how he cuts her off with a simple ‘farewell’, because thinking of what they could have been hurts too much.
and finally, his reacion to her death, where dandelion had to cut his story in half, stop mid-sentences to make sure he was fine.
in conclusion, i believe that geralt loved calanthe. perhaps she was even his first love, before he met yennefer. but he was a witcher, a mutant, and she was a queen. and he did not believe he deserved her, he did not believe he deserved being ‘saved from the darkness he has come to love’.
now, how does it tie in with the idea of courtly love? 
courtly love is a highly conventionalized medieval tradition of love between a knight and a married noblewoman, first developed by the troubadours of southern France and extensively employed in European literature of the time. The love of the knight for his lady was regarded as an ennobling passion and the relationship was typically unconsummated.
and i personally believe calanthe and geralt check all of these boxes. geralt is a knight/warrior who falls in loce with a married noblewoman but that love never gets to be consummated. but, in the end, that love does ennoble him. 
he goes from 
'Duny,' said Geralt seriously, 'Calanthe, Pavetta. And you, righteous knight Tuirseach, future king of Cintra. In order to become a witcher, you have to be born in the shadow of destiny, and very few are born like that. That's why there are so few of us. We're growing old, dying, without anyone to pass our knowledge, our gifts, on to. We lack successors. And this world is full of Evil which waits for the day none of us are left.' 'Geralt,' whispered Calanthe.
to 
‘I wouldn’t take the child. I couldn’t assume the responsibility. I wouldn’t agree to burden you with it. I wouldn’t want the child to tell you one day… As I’m telling you—’
and it is my belief, that her remarks, such as this;
‘I’ve pondered long over this,’ Calanthe continued, now without a smile. ‘And I’ve come to the conclusion that the selection of the children at the stage of the Choice has scant significance. What difference does it make, in the end, Geralt, which child dies or goes insane, stuffed full of narcotics? What difference does it make whose brain bursts from hallucinations, whose eyes rupture and gush forth, instead of becoming cats’ eyes? What difference does it make whether the child destiny chose or an utterly chance one dies in its own blood and puke? Answer me.’
were a part of what made him change his mind. geralt ends up, even after calanthe’s death, becoming very close to ciri, learning through her that neutrality that had been beaten into him as a young witcher in training was not the way to go. calanthe, and through calanthe also ciri, had a huge impact on geralt’s entire character
so, all in all, this is how i see it. a love, that was never meant to be. and whether you choose to see it as a platonic-friendship type of love or, like me, as romantic love - calanthe’s impact on geralt’s growth is undeniable. 
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