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leafdebrief · 2 months

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RE✱BRIEF

Part 1: The Plot So Far

Leaf Debrief began as a podcast in late 2020 with the rather simple goal of providing an accurate, accessible, uncensored, and entertaining source of information about cannabis.

I launched it with my friend and co-host, Enzo, shortly after the launch of legal cannabis in Canada. We were both excited about the potential of this new industry and wanted to share our enthusiasm with others, but we also wanted to be realistic about the challenges and risks that come with it—a source of information that people felt they could trust.

We had a lot of fun making the podcast, but it was also a lot of work and came with an unforeseen challenge: balancing our love for the plant with our growing concerns about the industry.

We were both becoming increasingly disillusioned with the industry and the direction it was heading in, while simultaneously also becoming increasingly concerned about the environmental impact of cannabis production and consumption that this new industry was carelessly ushering in.

We were both feeling a bit lost and unsure of what to do next, and as the onslaught of COVID-19 began, the need to find a solution to the destructive nature of capitalism as a whole became increasingly dire and left us fraught with a sense of urgency that can be heard in our voices more with every passing episode.

By the 8th episode Enzo's conscience was audibly worn to tatters, and by the next recording, we were announcing his decision to retire from the podcast entirely.

I recorded once more with a couple of guests from the cannabis space to get a feel for his absence, and was then left to decide whether or not I wanted to continue on my own. I decided to take a break and think about it, and in the meantime I began to explore other ways of sharing my thoughts and ideas about cannabis and the industry.

I started writing more on Twitter because I had previously found it to be a great way to connect with others in the cannabis space during the podcast, and eventually started to feel as though I could use it as a platform to drive social change from within that space.

Over time this model grew and blossomed into something that I felt was working well: I was able to be authentic and honest, which had the effect of quickly drawing in a small but dedicated audience of like-minded people who were also interested in driving social change from within the cannabis space.

I was able to connect with people in ways that allowed me to use cannabis as a medium for activism and mutual aid due to the fact that I was working a "real job" and didn't need to rely on cannabis for income. My living expenses were low enough that I could afford to use my resources to create things that I could give away in exchange for donations to others who needed them more than I did, which allowed to effectively multiply the impact of my own resources.

I was able to use my privilege to help others, and it felt great.

Over time the show grew to include a variety of different formats, and the material began to coalesce into repeated themes that almost formed a narrative of their own. It felt like Leaf Debrief was beginning to take on a life of its own, and I felt that with a little more time it might've grown into something that could actually make a difference by just following the momentum of this model.

That model was unfortunately damaged badly by the recent acquistion of the platform by Elon Musk, and resulted in a fragmentation of the community that I felt was beginning to form. The larger culture wars that have been raging on the platform for years have been exacerbated by the acquisition, and the platform became increasingly toxic and hostile to people I care about, while simultaneously adopting a less punitive approach to the people who were responsible for that toxicity and hostility and even rewarding them for it.

The business side of the platform began to take precedence over the platform itself to accommodate for the company's hemorrhaging of money, due largely to the new policies that drove advertisers away for fear of being associated with the toxicity and hostility. Eventually the model of the business took on a structure that was designed to exploit every aspect of the platform for profit, and I was left with a choice: continue to use the platform and settle for complicity in the toxic culture that was forming, or leave the platform and risk fragmenting the community further.

I chose the latter, and unfortunately it resulted in a significant loss of momentum.

The close group of people I felt strongly were working towards the same goal as me got swept up in disillusionment and most of them simply resigned themselves to the notion that the world is doomed and there's nothing we can do about it. This just drove me to work harder, but it also left me feeling increasingly isolated and alone due to the alienation I felt from the people I had previously felt so connected to, who were becoming increasingly intolerant of my aggressive push for action.

It was already clear to me that I was pushing too hard and too fast, but the urgency of the larger situation in the world—wealth inequality, climate change, and the rise of fascism—left me unable to slow down as all signs pointed to the need to speed up.

To make matters worse, the cannabis space itself was not the progressive utopia I had perhaps foolishly hoped it would be.

It was rife with the same problems that plague the rest of the world, and the people who were in positions of power were not interested in changing the status quo. My scope of influence was limited to the people who were interested in listening to me, but those people were completely exhausted by the constant barrage of bad news and were at this point just trying to survive.

I was trying to push them to do more and unable to understand why they weren't, and they were trying to get me to slow down and unable to understand why I wouldn't. It was a mess, and did a lot of damage to the relationships I had built with people I cared about. The results of those conflicts are consequences I'd already anticipated, but I was not prepared for the scope of the fragmentation that would result from the loss of our previous platform and rebuilding those relationships is an ongoing process that continues to be a challenge.

At the present, I'm left with a very small but very driven and dedicated group of people who are still working towards the same goal as me, and I'm trying to figure out how to move forward with them towards something that can actually make a difference but the scale of what I want to do is going to need more organization and structure than I can provide on my own.

I need help, and this is why I'm writing: to have a model of what I'm even asking for so that hopefully the process of figuring out how to collaborate will fall into place more easily.

The few people who are still working with me are all very busy with their own lives and I don't want to burden them with the task of figuring out what I need from them, and I'm wary of asking for too much from them because I don't want to risk losing them as well.

My partner Asia has been a huge help in this regard, and has been a constant source of support and encouragement throughout this entire process. Our lives recently have been more tumultuous as well though, and we've been constantly trying to find new ways to balance her need for stability with my need for change.

We've been trying to find new ways to work together that allow us to support each other while also pursuing our own goals, and it's been a challenge. We're both very passionate about the same things, but we're also very different people with very different needs and desires.

As of December 2023, Asia is also transitioning to a new job that will allow her to work from home or anywhere else in the world, which will hopefully allow us to travel more and focus on building new things, but will be taking a significant pay cut in the process which will put more pressure on me to find new ways to support us both comfortably and still have resources left over to dedicate to this project (which is still going to be heavily focused on providing resources to others who need them more than we do).

The scale of what's ahead of me is daunting to say the least, so I made a calculated move to take a step back from social media for the rest of the 2023 and regroup. I used that time to reflect on what I've learned so far and figure out how to move forward in a way that is more sustainable and less reliant on my own energy, while still continuing to produce high-quality content that both meets my goals and remains a source of fun and happiness.

I don't tend to discuss my own personal struggles publicly often, not because I am guarded about them but because everyone has their own and we're all struggling with how to navigate each other's. This does cause the occasional misunderstanding because I do tend to be very open about my thoughts and feelings, so it's easy to assume that I'm not struggling with anything at all.

I don't plan on changing that, but I do want to be more mindful of how I'm conducting this project so it more closely aligns with the goal of finding solutions to our shared struggles together while also being a source of fun and happiness.

This isn't a comeback or a rebirth, just a comedown and a rebrief. Maybe a rebrand too, but we're still working out the new brand materials. We hope you'll join us in the trash heap as we look for some shiny pieces to put together, we're gonna need lots of helping hands!

♡

Love, JXPR x AZA

#leaf debrief #blogging #recap #Spotify

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