╰ ♡  MUSE 75, TOM HOLLAND, CISMALE ┊ have you seen TROY SINCLAIR around hillston? the 21 year old is said to be a COLLEGE SENIOR. the neighbours would say that they’re ENTITLED and RUTHLESS, but they’re actually SOCIABLE and NONCHALANT. HE often reminds people of quickies in club bathrooms, entirety of his closet filled with designer brands, gym locker rooms. watch out, though. you wouldn’t believe that HE’S A SERIAL DATER AND PUTS HIS SELF WORTH ON THE ATTENTION HE GETS. ( candy, 24, aedt, she/her )

hey  howdy  hey  !  i’m  candy  and  this  is  troy  .  don’t  come  for  me  bc  this  man  is  a  piece  of  shit  (  but  also  pls  love  him  lmao  )  .  find  his  statistics  here  and  a  list  of  wanted  connections  here  or  tag  here  which  i  need  to  update  ,  oop  . 

full name : troy shane sinclair nickname(s) : troy boy , tboy birth date : june thirteen zodiac sign : gemini age : twenty-one gender : cismale pronouns : he / him / his sexual orientation : bisexual romantic orientation : biromantic education : high school diploma , currently studying a bachelor of athletic training at university as a senior

𝙰𝙱𝙾𝚄𝚃

from a very young age, troy’s been active, boisterous and restless. he’s always been doing something and putting his all into it. whether that was imaginative play, puzzles, hands on crafts or the majority of the time he was dancing along to kids shows ( that weren’t on for very long ) or playing outside where he spent most of his time. he was a ball of energy, and still is. he also wanted people to watch him, so he could show off what he was doing to them or for them to play with them. he always wanted attention. ( that hasn’t changed ). that only intensified when his siblings came into the world, and even more so when their mother ‘fucked off’ as he likes to say.

in the current day people know troy sinclair as the guy that doesn’t give a shit about anything, that doesn’t let things worry him. what they don’t know is that after their mother left up until kindergarten, he had separation anxiety, specifically for his father and other close family members. he most definitely clung to dad in those years, fearing he was going to leave too but luckily, for everyone’s sake, he managed to grow out of this when he realised his siblings needed him.

this boy is the epitome of a spoiled, entitled, rich, fuckboy. he only wears designer clothes and dresses to impress, is always wearing expensive watches, drives cars you can only dream of owning, works out/goes for a run every day, parties hard and fucks harder and is renowned for breaking hearts ( he is a gemini, what do you expect? lmao ). he is a good guy he’s just... questionable.

troy thrives on fun and adventure and every weekend is a chance to travel, party or cause chaos. he would very much prefer to be off traveling, exploring, putting his curiosity to good use by discovering new things or partying than sitting at home being lazy. even before turning twenty-one, clubs are one of his playing fields/stomping grounds as well as frat parties and regular bars. 

that’s not to say he’s not a classy mofo either, mates. catch him sporting suit and tie at brunches and galas talking the talk and sipping on expensive wine with his kind. 

troy exudes confidence and luxury. although he may think that the world revolves around him at times and believes he deserves special treatment because of his family’s reputation and wealth, but he will literally talk to anyone. like, he can talk that’s for sure and is one of those people that comes across as being “friends” with everyone. he is sociable and civil ( in his own way ). you may be of lower class and he will still talk to you. 

it’s very hard for troy to stress out or to get upset. school work is getting hard? oh well. i just broke up with my partner? meh. dad’s got another partner? what else is new? you want a fight? bring it on. he is very much a believer in things are meant to happen for a reason and doesn’t tend to take life too seriously ( except for when it comes to prized possessions and even then he can go out and buy some more ). he does get offended though, let’s make that clear. with that being said though, when opportunity arises or he finds something that he wants he will take it and won’t stop until he gets what he wants.

when he is hurt, however, he will bottle it and not say a single word. for someone who’s brutally honest and isn’t shy to give his opinion, troy is very closed off and tends to keep people at a distance or lie to them about his feelings when he’s down.

family is everything to troy! he loves them unconditionally ( even if they annoy the fuck out of him sometimes ) and they are the only people he would lay down his life for. everyone else? nah. he isn’t overly protective over his siblings because he knows they can take of themselves, but will step in when need be like the good big bro he is. 

𝚂𝙴𝙲𝚁𝙴𝚃

troy doesn’t like to be single, can’t be single. not really anyway. there are underlying commitment or abandonment issues when it comes to relationships that are more than likely the root of the problem. along with the fact mama left and papa has had countless partners over the years.

troy doesn’t need to be the centre of attention as he already knows he’s the best, but he expects attention. he works hard on his physique and appearance, putting his self-worth on the constant attention he receives. negative attention isn’t ideal, though he knows that only the best have their haters. being in a relationship is a validation to him that he is worth it, that his looks and who he is is worthy. it’s not healthy, and i think he knows it.

being single for too long gives him doubt, sends him down a downhill spiral of harsh criticism and he feels as though he is nothing without someone, that someone not wanting him is the end of the world in a dramatic sense. 

not only that, but troy actually enjoys the beginning of relationships. the charming smiles, flirting, the chase, going on those first few dates and being showered in compliments ( and giving them, ofc ). he likes getting to know people, likes the process of being strangers to being together, and he enjoys sleeping with new people also. the first touches, the way he can make someone’s heart race and how they can do the same to him. it’s enticing, addicting like drugs. all the way to the honeymoon phase.

he knows it isn’t love, not matter what his lover at the time says. he has never said it, and probably never will because he doesn’t believe in romantic love ( we’ll see ). troy is deep down in love with the idea of love, and it’s sad.

the boy’s relationships tend to last a couple of months at the very most. when that honeymoon phase starts to wear off, when he’s had the sex he needs and feels as though that partner is not doing anything for him anymore… he’s out. any work that needs to be put into a relationship to make it work or when a solid, deep and emotional connection is meant to start forming, he’s done. with that being said, he has never cheated on his spouse! ever! he always leaves first before hoping in the sack with someone else!

break ups are not easy for most people, but for troy it’s nothing. it’s as easy as getting dressed in the morning, like breaking a toothpick. douchebag i know, don’t come for me.

(1/6) In advance, sorry if this sounds clipped but I'm rewriting an 11 part ask because that's just too much and it feels like it would be rude to send such a long question. Somehow it's still long. So my background is: mostly used to aro and ace communities, don't have much experience with the lgbt+ community at large (trying to work on that), the way the aro/ace communities break concepts like attraction down really helped me figure out what my orientation was. Questioning my gender now and

(2/6) having a hard time finding resources that help me clarify my feelings instead of making me even more confused. I started researching thinking that they would be similar to aro and ace resources, going to the root of things and saying “What even is attraction, let’s define it” and breaking it down into chunks instead of trying to tackle the whole thing at once (see the split attraction model). Instead I found many lists of labels and pronouns, trans 101 that was at the same time too basic (3/6) and not basic enough, and “Gender is a feeling, masculinity/femininity/androgyny/etc are feelings too, no one can tell you what your gender is but you”. My request isn’t for anyone to tell me what my gender is, I’ll figure that out myself. But I feel I’m lacking the tools to do it. So does anyone have any resources, be they articles/blogs/life experiences and stories written by trans people/etc that breaks things like the feelings of gender as a whole, masculinity, femininity, androgyny,(4/6) agender, and dysphoria down (not coded behaviors or presentation, but what they actually FEEL like. These are the things that I’m most confused about and most want some sort of answer or definition for) in the style aro/ace resources do for attraction/orientation? To figure this out I need some sort of starting point or foothold or anchor for this instead of “it’s a feeling” when I don’t know what that feeling could be. But “Nobody can tell you what you are” sounds much more like defeat(5/6) than freedom to me rn. I’ve heard it said that gender is experienced differently by everyone, and if it’s really just some nebulous unidentifiable feeling that literally cannot be put into words then I can learn to live with the fact I’ll just never understand it, but… it just seems like there HAS to be some sort of commonality in the feeling of gender, the feeling of femininity/masculinity/all the rest that could be prevalent enough to say what that feeling IS and used to help people (6/6) figure out better who they are and who they want to be. For the ones like me who don’t even know what they’re feeling or what they want to be, just that they don’t want to feel like they do now.

Kii says:You’ve got a lot here, and you’re right. Gender is really confusing, and it really is something that 100 different people will give you 100 different answers about. Some people do feel their gender is best described by more visible aspects, such as behaviors, clothing, desired body, hobbies, etc, but some people don’t, and for them, it is just a feeling that isn’t describable, they just know internally what gender they are and can’t always explain why. 

However, just because there are feelings doesn’t mean that everyone’s feelings are the same, like the commonality you’re mentioning. You know the old “how do we know that your green is the same as my green?” Two people could be seeing the exact same item, both agree that it’s green, but how does anyone know that if I saw the same item through your eyes, I would still call it green? Your eyes might be structured completely differently than mine. Your green might be my purple, etc. I think the same goes for the words “masculine” and “feminine”- I can give you words that I associate with each, but a lot of people might disagree. 

Think of a person that you consider to be very masculine (whether they ID as a man or not)- why do you see them as masculine? Is it because of how they dress? What their body looks like? Because they like cars, sports, etc? How they act or other elements of their personality? Do the same for someone who you feel is very feminine (whether they ID as a woman or not). How is your “masculine” person different than your “feminine” person?

Androgyny is usually described as the intersection or mix of masculinity and femininity, so to figure out what you associate with androgyny, you kind of have to figure that out first.

We have a whole page about dysphoria, since that’s a more concrete concept. There are lots of descriptions there on how different people describe dysphoria and how it feels.

We also have this post, which a lot of people have tried to make helpful to questioning people, as well as this ask where various mods described what gender feels like to them.

Harper Says:I would also suggest a broader understanding of gender (and sexuality). You’re looking for a commonality that is not found uniformly in lived/expressed experiences - perhaps you might find it fleetingly, strangely, but I doubt it will come with much uniform clarity. The assumption that there has to be a commonality, a universality, is one that potentially assumes a (purely) medical/psychological account of gender and sexuality. Experiences of gender will necessarily intersect with other forms of systematic oppression: race, disability, and so on; and so each account of gendered experience has to be uncommon.Try instead understanding gender as part of a wider system of oppression rigged to benefit white cis men. In this, bodies, activities, sexualities, (and many other things) are codified and performed within a system of oppression. This is the way as far as I, and many other thinkers, understand gender. When you ask for gender as “not coded behaviors or presentation, but what they actually FEEL like” I think you misunderstand that gender is easily and always both. The performances, the risks, the transgressions, that commonly make up transgender experiences are inescapably coded behaviours - we don’t live in a society that isn’t oppressive. That is why there is such fear and thrill in a trans woman shaving her legs for the first time, or a trans man using the men’s bathroom for the first time. The emotion and feeling wouldn’t be there if such transgressions weren’t coded in a system of oppression that frowns upon such behaviours. Gender is always on some level something that is done and the doing is bound up with being. To strive for a definition that reduces one to the other or excludes one or the other is as far as I understand it, a misunderstanding, and this is perhaps where your confusion comes from.With this understanding I would then say that it is not very surprising that you’re finding dead-ends and confusion by trying to parse an understanding of gender through split-attraction model type thinking. This is a relatively recent way of thinking about sexuality within the LGBT community, (one that I personally find no stock in), butting up against around thirty years of queer feminist thought, and a whole history of LGBT lives and experiences. You will probably find that trying to think through gender in ace/aro modes of thought is an impossible task without this appreciation of transgender history or an understanding of heterosexuality as the oppressive action of gender.I’m not surprised then, that you find defeat instead of freedom; for many, gender is something that is survived. Freedom can only come with the abolition of gender, that is the end of the “material, social, and economic dominance of men and exploitation of women” (Escalante). So to speak of a commonality, perhaps start reading about how these oppressive systems work. Understanding all of this is not an easy task. Below I’ll feed a few pointers on a theoretical level, and as such can throw up inaccessible language. My hope is that if you do struggle with any of it, from here you can google keywords and hopefully find more sources that suit you better.For the theoretical exploration of such see: Judith Butler’s Gender Trouble, and Monique Wittig’s The Straight Mind and Other Essays (see One is Not Born a Woman - I haven’t yet managed to find a pdf for the whole book). Or key words: material feminism, Butler, gender performance, heterosexuality, the straight mind. CW: (this will be quite broad but I know Wittig talks about:) pornography, sexual harassment, slavery.For an account of gender which explores these concepts see Susan Stryker’s My Words to Victor Frankenstein…. In this Stryker mixes a lived personal experience with gender as a trans woman alongside theoretical musings. Key words: transfeminism, transgender studies, transgender rage. CW: surgery, suicide, TERF stuff, pregnancy, birth.I would also recommend investing yourself in transgender voices and histories, so you can see how a varied approach to gender throughout history has been undertaken and lived. How complexities and contradictions have been embodied and embraced complexly by trans individuals. See Paris is Burning for what has become an important moment in LGBT cinema and history. CW death, accounts of violence, mentions of surgery, talk about sex.Also check out One From the Vaults a trans history podcast by Morgan M. Page. (Also available on iTunes, etc. I think.) In this engrossing podcast, Page tells the stories of various trans - or at least gender transgressive - people throughout history, including clips of them, letters, interviews, etc.. It comes with “all the dirt, gossip, and glamour from trans history” and so shows the variety of our trans ancestors throughout history, good and bad, happy and sad; encompassing all different ways of doing gender and different ways of being.In terms of your own personal questioning of gender, I would do as I advised here. Do gender: evoke man, evoke woman, evoke neither. Try things out, see what you feel. Explore yourself and your own embodiment and explore the feelings that arise out of this. At the end of the day, gender isn’t something that originates from books and articles, it is lived and done out in the world.I wish you the very best on your journey!