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kpopmultifan127 · 7 years

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Jihoon Love

Today was a really chilled day. Nothing too special planned. Me and my friends got an invite from a good friend of ours for awhile now his name is Mckay. He had a few days off and wanted to see if we all wanted to hang out at his house and watch movies or something. We were all totally down for that because his house was AMAZING and we were never bored there.

Christine: so what's the plan today? We finding you a date Dee? Dee: WHAT?! Where did that come from? C: well I'm bored hahaha and I don't want to stay home. D: well I just got a call from Mckay earlier asking if we wanted to hang out with him and his friends.

Christine ended up calling a few other of our friends that Mckay knew as well. We all met up at his house. As we got in his house it was Mckay and his friend David who was making music with him. Pretty cool guy, only met him a handful of times.

Mckay: hey guys! How you been Chris…haven't seen you since LAKF. C: yeah it's been awhile. Just been working so much with these promotions and concerts to set up ahhh so much. I'm just glad I was able to get some days off. M: well you guys remember my friend David already. But this is Eric and Kevin..and this is my girlfriend Sunny. D: oh hey Sunny….long time no see! Sunny: omg hey Dee and Chris! M: wait how do you guys know each other?C: dude you introduced us to her at LAKF…do you not remember? M: oh crap that's right…haha my heads been all over the place with this album coming out. Anyway. And you guys remember my brother Ji-Hoon.

His brother didn't look too familiar. I would have known he had a brother for awhile but he just didn't seem to ring a bell. As he came to shake my hand I was just really confused.

Jihoon: haha you don't remember me do you? D: omg I'm so sorry no I don't. M: you met him at my debut party Dee…

I must be the dumbest person in the world not remembering him. He's so fricken gorgeous! He has such an amazing smile. How could I not remember meeting him.

J: haha it's ok. That was a really long time ago. D: I'm so sorry I really wish I could remember you.

We all sat in the living room. But before I got comfortable Mckay and Chris pulled me into the other room.

D: woah what's going on?M: you really don't remember my brother at all do you?D: we’re still on this subject? C: yes man….how can you not remember him….you even confessed that you had a thing for him. D: I DID WHAT?! M&C: SHHH!!! M: yes you did. You cried because he rejected you and I guess you just ignored him ever since.

I seriously don't remember doing any of that back then. What was I thinking. Now I know what had happened it'll be so awkward.

D: hey chris…like exactly what happened. C: we knew he had a brother but we never met him until Mckay's debut. It seemed like you guys were hitting it off that night. You guys always hung out when we kept coming here. Then one day you just told me you couldn't stop thinking about him and want to be with him. D: why can't I remember?! C: I really don't know why you can't remember either. But that night you told him you had feelings for him…you ran off crying.

In all honestly I didn't want to remember any of it if it was all a nightmare. Although I really wanted to know why I ran off. We all were getting ready to watch the movie. But we ended up all talking stories for a little while and bringing up old memories.

Kevin: man I can't believe it's been so long since we've all been friends and are able to hang out like this! Eric: yeah man we had some good memories together! M: yeah we did. I'm glad we all got to do this. K: yeah remember when that night we all went out and Dee told Jihoon she liked him. And he rejected her because he already had a girlfriend but really liked Dee.

It just got completely quiet and I was completely shocked at what I just heard. That was the reason why he said he can't like me?! I remembering it all now. When we did hang out I kept asking why he never had a girlfriend and he just kept dodging the question so I'd always just let it go. He even held my hand thinking that he really didn't have a girlfriend. It got really quiet. I had to get up and get out of there for a bit.

D: anyone want popcorn? Sunny and Chris can you help me please.

So we went into the kitchen and I tried really hard not to cry. I was upset but sad and didn't know what to do. I know that was a long time ago but remembering it all now hurts a lot.

D: omg that was so embarrassing. I didn't know any of that. Did you guys?S: no i didn't and neither did Mckay. He didn't even know he had a girlfriend at the time. I'm so sorry Dee. C: yeah Dee I had no clue.

It didn't really matter anyway now. It's been a long time and I just need to let it go. As we came back out with the snacks everyone seemed awkward. Sunny gave Mckay that look like oh my god hurry up and say something....

M: oh...lets get the movie started. I just bought Train to Busan yesterday is that ok if we watch it? Has anyone seen it? Eric: i have but it’s a really good movie so I want to watch it again hahaha.

So he popped in the movie and it began. I was still feeling a little awkward especially I was sitting right next to Jihoon. We all had blankets and pillows it felt like the good times we all had. Sleeping over each other’s house and just watching movies all night. That’s what I loved about all of our friendships with each other. No matter how long we’ve never seen each other or how far we are, anytime we come together we always pick up where we left off.

Kevin: bruh I didn’t know it was a fricken zombie movie y'all know i hate that shit. E: oh stop being a baby and watch it. you know it’s not even real. K: still....shit is scary.

This was a pretty good night. Even though the little mishap we had awhile ago. The movie was great we kept making fun of Kevin because he was so scared of the movie. I wanted to lay down so i scooted over a little bit to put my head down on the pillow that was sitting between me and Jihoon. As I put my head down Mckay looked back to see what I was doing and noticed I was laying down on a thing I thought was part of the pillow.

M: Dee you’re laying on Jihoon....i hope you know that. D: what no i’m not....i’m laying down on the pillow.

Then I looked up to see what I was laying down on. I see Jihoon’s hands in the air and it was true i was on his lap. I got up so quick and turned red.

D: omg i’m so sorry! i could’ve sworn i saw a pillow here. J: no it’s totally ok. there was actually a pillow here earlier but it was making me uncomfortable so i moved it. you can lay back down it’s ok to use me to get comfortable. D: no it’s ok i’ll sit up.

oh man that was so awkward. i could feel it getting uncomfortable for some people, including myself. My heart was pounding. We continued watching the movie, I could feel my heart beating faster as I sat there. Then Christine tapped my on the shoulder and pointed to go to the kitchen. I got up so fast.

C: dude are you ok? D: omg that was so embarrassing. i’m pretty sure people are going to think i did that on purpose too. ugh. C: well...did you? D: omg no i didn’t!!!! C: well stuff like that happens.

i really didn’t want to go back out to everyone. but i couldn’t stay in the kitchen the whole time because then people will know i’d be super uncomfortable when i come back out. so christine ended up going back out while i stayed back a little longer because i wasn’t really ready to go face him. Right when I was about to leave Jihoon walked into the kitchen.

J: hey can I talk to you? D: oh--yeah sure. what’s up? J: I want to talk about what happened with us back then. D: what is there to talk about....it was a long time ago it’s passed. J: I want to explain what happened... D: It’s fine you don’t have to explain....things happen and people can’t control their feelings towards other people. So it’s not your fault. Really. I’m fine

To be honest I wasn’t fine with anything at all at this point. I just didn’t want to face him right now. It’s bad enough I went through the embarrassment back then I don’t want to spend another time being embarrassed again. I’m not going to lie I still had some feelings left for him because of what we did together and the fun memories we’ve had, but finding out the real reason why he rejected me makes it so hard for me to look at him.

J: Please just hear me out?

Before I could answer him people outside were waiting.

M: Dee --- Jihoon hurry up we are waiting for y'all to come back so we can turn the movie back on!  D: yeah sorry I’m coming!!!.....we better go.

So we went back out to finish the movie. It was too late for us to drive back to our house so we all just ended up staying over McKay’s house. Christine didn’t have to work the next day anyway so it was a nice change for her to finally just relax. Unfortunately I couldn’t fall asleep so I ended up just sitting outside listening to music. Then I felt someone tap me on the shoulder, it scared me because it was 2 am and no one else was up but me. So I turned to see who it was and it was Jihoon.

J: is it ok if I join you? D: oh---ok yeah sure.

So I scooted over to make some room for him to sit down and I turned off my music and just sat there. I felt like I needed to leave but my mind told me just to stay. We haven’t done something like this since that first night we hung out and talked all night. It was nice back then, now I don’t know how I should be feeling.

J: *sighs* this is nice. the sky is pretty tonight. D: oh--oh yeah it really is. The stars are nice and bright.

It got quiet after and I didn’t know what to say at that point so I started to stand up. Then he grabs my hand.

J: wait....can you just sit here a little while longer with me? like how we use to back then?

I kind of didn’t want to because I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling before. I tried so hard to let go of him because he was with someone else and he lied. But he seemed so lonely and sad just like how I was a little while ago. So I ended up staying. We didn’t say anything the rest of the night and just fell asleep after. The next day it didn’t feel as awkward as the night before did. Mckay had a show later in the day and we all agreed to go together and hang out like we did at all of his shows. Christine pulled me over to the side to talk to me.

C: hey what happened last night? I woke up to use the bathroom and you weren’t in our room. D: Oh I couldn’t sleep last night so I was outside starring at the sky with Jihoon. C: WHAT?! D: SHHH!!! ppl might hear you! Nothing happened. We just sat there and said nothing. C: so what does that mean? you guys starting over? D: i told you it was nothing....

While we were waiting for everyone else to come I was helping Mckay with his hair and makeup and Chris was catching up on some work.

M: are you ok? D: of course I’m ok I’m with my best friends. M: you’re not ok. I’ve known you for years and I can tell when you’re not ok. Jihoon told me you guys were outside last night. D: yeah....i couldn’t sleep last night so i just sat outside. Then he came outside to sit next to me. we didn’t say anything. M: you should just let him explain things to you. he really does feel bad what happened. I got mad at him for not telling me anything. you should just hear him out Dee. D: he had his chance at that time. or even the first time we started to get close. I was in so much pain after what happened.

Just then Jihoon came through the door.

J: I’m sorry for that. M: woah how long were you there?!  J: long enough. can I talk to Dee alone plz.

As Mckay left to go and see what Chris was up to it was just me and Jihoon.

J: can you please hear me out? D: alright I’m listening. J: i’m really sorry I never said anything from the start. It was really complicating with my gf at that time. I kept wanting to break it off with her because she was using me for all kinds of things. But i felt lonely if I was going to break it off with her. D: so what was i to you then? J: After I met you I never felt so loved in such a long time. I wasn’t use to it and it just made me mad. D: well sorry I made you mad with my feelings.

I tried really hard not to cry so I needed to leave. As I got up he grabbed my hand.

J: that’s not what I meant. D: then what did you mean? J: I was mad because I was such an idiot for not realizing that I was angry because I wasn’t with you. I broke it off with her that day because I knew that my true feelings were for you. D: so why didn’t you just tell me then? J: by the time I could say anything to you, news got around and i couldn’t find you. McKay wouldn’t even tell me where you were. He was mad at me because he didn’t understand what I was going through. He didn’t even know I had a girlfriend at the time. I told him everything last night about what happened back then. D: i just don’t get why you didn’t want to just tell me from the start then none of this could have happened and we could still be friends. J: I know I’m sorry. please can we just start over?

I didn’t know what to feel at that moment. So many things were going through my mind. A part of me wanted to start over with him, but that other part of me is still just so mad at what he’s done to me. D: I don’t know what to feel right now. I just need time. I’m going to go sit down now the show is going to start.

As I sat down next to Chris, she could tell something had happened again.

C: you ok? McKay told me you were talking to Jihoon. D: i don’t know if I’m ok. C: what happened? D: he explained everything to me about what happened and why it happened. C: and? D: and that he really wants to start over. C: what did you say? D: I said I didn’t know what to feel. C: i’m sorry Dee. I’m sure your true feelings about this will come around and you’ll figure it out.

As McKay was doing his final rehearsal warmups in the back Jihoon came to see him.

M: hey how did the talk go with Dee? are you guys ok now? J: I don’t know.... M: what did you tell her? J: I told her everything and how I still have feelings for her and wanted to start over. M: what did she say? J: she doesn’t know what to feel right now. but I could see in her eyes she still wants us to be together. M: why didn’t you just say that. J: i don’t know. M: I have an idea J: what... M: sing the song you help me write. J: see you smile? M: yes! come on you know you were thinking about her when we wrote that song! you should sing it. She doesn’t even know you can sing so it’ll be even better. J: are you sure it’ll work. M: yes i’m sure...

The show began and all his fans were screaming. It was really fun to be in the crowd and seeing how far he’s come. I tried my best to have fun because I’m there to support my friend, not think about my dramas.

M: are you guys all having fun so far? *fans scream* M: I have a special surprise today. not a lot of people know this but I have a younger brother...AND that he can sing. Recently he’s been going through some stuff and hurt someone very close to him. He wanted to dedicate this next song to her. We wrote this song awhile back....and little does this person know is that he was thinking about her while we wrote this. Jihoon come on out.

As he came out all of us had no idea what was going on.

C: Sunny did you know he was going to do this? S: no I didn’t. I didn’t even know Jihoon could sing. Kevin did you? K: yes I did, he just told us not to say anything. C: Dee did you know he could sing? D: no i didn’t....he’s never told me he could.

So before he started the song he said a few words.

J: Hello McKay fans. I’m his younger brother Jihoon. Some people may already knew this and most don't but I as well can sing. I would help my brother write some of his songs if he got stuck. But this one particular song we wrote together I had someone in my mind at the time and she helped me get through a lot.

There’s more things I never knew about him because he never told me. I knew he helped McKay write songs and stuff but I never knew he could sing.

J: I’ve done some stupid things to this girl and it ended up hurting her a lot in the end.

Then all of our friends looked right at me like they already knew who they were talking about.

D: what? why are you guys looking at me? S: oh come on we all know that’s you he’s talking about.  D: no it’s not.  C: Dee you know it is.

J: I wanted to dedicate this song to her because this is really how I feel about her, and she’s in the audience too. I hope you can forgive me Dee and we can start all over. I’m not too sure where she’s sitting but I know she’s here with all of our friends.

Just then ALL of our friends screamed “OVER HERE” and the audience looked to see who I was. Oh my god, a little embarrassing.

J: Dee I’m sorry for what I’ve done and I hope this song can make you see how much I really do care for you.

As he sang the song I could hear in the lyrics of the memories we had together. I started to cry because I still did care a lot for him, but I just couldn’t get myself to see that. After he sang the song the whole crowd cheered. Then when he got off stage I didn’t know what to do. Sunny told me to just go to the back. So that’s what I did. When I got closer he was already standing there.

D: hey. J: hey. D: Did you write that song thinking about me? J: yes. I wrote it even when I was with that girl. D: But why. J: i loved to see you smile and everything in the song is what I really want. I never felt any of those feelings with her. I want to be with YOU.

I had to look down because I felt myself start to smile and I didn’t want him to see i’ve gone weak and gave into him.

J: I see a smile....  D: I’m not smiling at you...  J: yes you are....

I couldn’t help it, his smile was my weak spot as well. He then came in and gave me a hug and a kiss on the forehead.

D: I’m still mad at you... J: I know you are, but i’ll make sure you won’t be mad at me anymore..

He then kissed me once again and then from there we had started from the beginning and had no secrets....just memories we shared.

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