#roman getting mad at lukas when he actually gets emotional in front of him and going back to mencken | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

alchemist-shizun · 5 years

Text

To tend thee is my care

ACT II

ACT I - Read on Ao3!

Word count: 14,297

Summary: Here

Characters: Virgil, (Non-binary!)Roman, some OCs for plot reasons

Pairing(s): Prinxiety

Warning(s): Angst, negative thinking, swearing, crying, repressed emotions, fighting, insecurity, mentioned toxic parenting (once), overthinking, mention of paranoia (twice), yelling, kissing (Please let me know if I missed anything)

A/n: Will I ever stop projecting on characters? The amount of references to Hadestown in this is embarrassing. There are just so many references in general. (I’ll also explain the classical ones if you would like to check the works out, I promise they’re very good!) The fact that I started writing this back in June and having it complete now and so appreciated warms my heart so much and I’ll never stop thanking you guys. If you still have any questions about the story I’ll be more than happy to answer any doubt you have! I’m very proud of how it turned out and I can’t wait to know what you think about it. I also hope I did justice to the non-binary portrayal, I’m a bit insecure despite being nb myself yeah, makes sense. I hope you liked this little journey, thank you so much for the positive feedback and, all of that being said, enjoy! (The first scene is directly linked to the last scene of Act I, the scenes take place during the same day)

✾✾✾✾

Roman had found his way through the day by preventing his mind from ending up in the same old crush zone place and just keeping on waiting for the moment his club started.

Waiting patiently was something that came natural, he always thought that life was a never-ending cycle of waiting for things to happen, for days to arrive: it was a mechanism he could keep track of and that, eventually, helped him to get through his toughest days.

It started with the simplest tasks, like waiting for that one dinner where you were sure you were going to eat your favorite dish, or waiting for night to come to be able to hang out with his friends.

He thought about how pleased and happy he’d feel once the bad moment was all over, he knew he could get through every villain he encountered because he never failed to reward himself with the simple knowledge of making it through. That alone was enough a trophy to assure himself that, as he had done in the past, the next dragon-witch wouldn’t be unbeatable and that, in any way he could possibly think of, success was always on its way. Patience yields focus, as they say.

And so he waited.

For his classes to end, for him to be able to check his phone, for his countdown until he saw that pretty face again, for when he’d be able to hear the letters roll so easily on his tongue when he pronounced his favorite nickname, because he made it his favorite, or his voice did. He couldn’t decide. That was another thing to wait for. For the moment he’d finally muster the courage to smother his face with kisses. And holy fuck he was back in the crush zone.

He slowed down in his tracks, sure that none was around, and leaned on the wall to his right, letting out a deep sigh in the process, as if he was trying to blow out all of his thoughts. Only that it had the opposite effect.

Every inch of his body could feel that he was thinking about him and wouldn’t let him live it down. His insides just exploded into and endless hot summer day in which you would only feel relief in air conditioning.

Before he knew it he was smiling like an idiot and daydreaming possibilities and illusions that would only make him end up in a dangerous place if he kept them up. He could have hated him, he was a good actor he could have pretended. But that would have done more harm than good to him, wouldn’t it?

Whether tis nobler in the mind to be hated and therefore unable to hurt yourself with delusions, or to damage yourself with your desires, never certain of what may ensue?

« Hey, Ro! »

Roman broke free of his train of thought and found one of the actors right next to him.

« Hi Dave. » he offered a smile, still light-headed from thinking too much after intense hours of Spanish lessons.

« Come on, » he tugged at his fellow actor, he was going to be Cadmus. « today’s the big day, we’re trying a couple of scenes with all the costumes and make-up! » Roman was able to sense the excitement in his eyes even behind those sunglasses that Dave had already on.

They were going to the local theater, where the play was going to be shown for the first time, so they had to leave school to reach it.

Little did Roman know, though, as he had finally made his entrance in the theater, that it would be an uneventful rehearsal for him that day: since Virgil was missing and they needed to focus more on other actors, he could have taken that meeting to rehearse alone or stay in the backstage and let the other group practice on him with the makeup or clothing they needed to get right.

He chose the latter, since he knew being alone with his thoughts would have led him to definitely think about something other than practicing his own lines.

He had been sitting for quite some time in one of the backstage chairs, a very focused girl in front of him, when she seemed to snap back to reality. She took a step back, tilting the brush in her right hand.

« Oh my god, your face is perfect. »

Roman blinked a few times. « You’re too kind, friend. »

« No, I mean it! Your features are so good to work on and I haven’t even done much. » she beamed, then gave a thoughtful hum as an idea crossed her mind: her eyes started darting from her small bag to the boy’s face.

She suddenly bent her head, avoiding eye contact. « You wouldn’t mind if I … tried for a stronger look? » her voice, barely above a whisper, suggested insecurity.

Before he had even realized he was moving, he felt himself nod.

Excitement settled in his chest for some reason he couldn’t comprehend; true, most of the time he felt the same way when he was acting with Virgil, (or anywhere around him lately) or when trying something new, like the anticipation he felt when the costumes for the play were finally done.

But there was something different this time, like he had been waiting for that exact moment for ages but just now he had realized it.

« Oh thank god. » the girl sighed in relief, looking back up at him with a small smile crossing her lips. « Generally the boys I ask tend to … turn me down pretty dramatically. »

Something dawned onto Roman, while she added a quick “thank you” and began working.

Was he supposed to be mad? After all, it was just another type of art and he was all for it, there was no way he would have rejected it. He had even tried to teach himself to use those products before, when he was younger, but one day they had disappeared out of the blue which discouraged him enough to never try again.

He never really mustered up the courage to confront his parents about it, even when he was sure it was their fault.

He tried to let himself relax under the soft touch of the bristles, eyes closed.

Why was he overthinking this when he had been completely comfortable with agreeing on it in the first place? Why did it have to be a problem? Did he care for his group’s judgment? But they got make-up on every year for the productions.

Why was there so much confusion in his mind, yet he didn’t feel any negative emotion towards that moment? Maybe the confusion was due to all the positive things a simple task like that sprouted into him. Maybe he couldn’t just enjoy helping a friend practice.

Or, he was supposed to feel neutral about it.

Or …

« All done! » the girl stepped back and, when Roman opened his eyes again, he was met with a bright smile and a satisfied expression which distracted him from his previous thoughts.

She was quick to hand him her phone, promptly set on the front camera, and waited behind his seat for a possible reaction.

Saying he was lost for words was definitely an understatement.

The first thing he noticed was the red on his lips, a kind of hue he found to look perfect on his skin tone. Then, the flawlessly winged eye-liner, under different shades of red and gold blended on his eye-lids with what could have looked like a professional touch. His hand ghosted on his cheek, where some golden glitter was sparkling on highlighter.

« Oh, I used the imperial red for your lipstick, the name inspired me since it fits your next role as king, but turns out it actually does fit you nicely! »

« Stunning. »

« Sorry, what? »

Roman didn’t realize he had been mumbling in disbelief at his own reflection, despite loving his own image, it had been a long while since he had last liked his looks so much.

« You did such an amazing job! » what once was a timid smile started growing into a more confident one on the girl’s lips as Roman trailed off in his own list of compliments.

« Roman can you- Oh! » Dave had stepped in the room in that exact moment. For a split second, in which only a surprised expression dominated the guy’s face, Roman felt genuine fright.

Then, Dave smirked and leaned on a table. « Oops, didn’t see you there, pretty one. Can I tempt you to dinner tonight? »

« You’re a flattering one, but I’ll have to turn your offer down. »

« Aw- »

« Roman, how dare you! » a feminine voice startled the three of them, revealing a smiling Bonnie. « You’re messing with my bisexuality on purpose, admit it. »

He was literally beaming at all the compliments and positive feedback he was receiving, he had never felt more appreciated in his life, though he couldn’t exactly pin point why.

The two actors brought him to another small room where he had to change into the play costumes, they ran into Lukas in the process who gave Roman a small smile. That was definitely something, as they interacted very rarely.

Bonnie and Dave showed him his two sets of clothes, Pentheus’ and the Maenad’s ones, and left him to try them on. Their first night was approaching, so they had to make sure everything fit perfectly.

Roman went through his lines in his mind while he changed, stopping only to admire the combination between the king’s outfit and the stupendous make-up.

« I should do this more often. » he observed, his eyes lingered on his reflection on a mirror.

What are you talking about, what would you parents say?

He grimaced at the thought, he had almost forgotten about public opinion.

Do you think all your friends would actually approve? Fat chance.

He turned around and inhaled deeply. Who cares, he was simply trying his play’s costumes. What was the pressure in doing that?

Why was he procrastinating on that? It wasn’t that big of a deal. Right?

« Right. »

Roman stared at the dress he had to put on, then his hand went through the fabric; he lifted it and placed it on a chair. Yeah, no, he could do that. It was just acting after all-

Oh, that was it! Acting! He could go through his lines again, thus distract himself.

“What is this costume I must wear?”

Roman had finally gotten out of Pentheus’ clothes.

“On your head I shall set a wig with long curls.”

He put a hand in his hair instinctively. Yeah, he had ended up learning some of Dionysus’ lines too, after all he had to know what to say and when exactly to say it.

“And then?”

He didn’t realize he had actually mouthed that.

“Next, robes to your feet and a net for your hair.”

The vest fell neatly on his legs.

“Yes? Go on.”

He reached for the headband and covered part of his hair with it.

“Then a thyrsus for your hand and a skin of dappled fawn.”

The props where still being perfected, so all he did was take the item with the fake fawn skin; the material felt like little plastic bristles had been attached to some kind of cotton. He placed it around his shoulders, as he should have been a couple of scenes after the one he was recalling.

“I could not bear it.”

« I cannot bring myself to dress in women’s clothes. » he concluded the line, transfixed on his full Maenad dress-up.

It felt so wrong, so absolutely and thoroughly amiss to say that.

Was it because he had said it in the wrong tone? Did he have to try again? Did he want to try again? Maybe if he did he’d say it more naturally, he’d be satisfied enough to shove down his paranoia and he could call it a day.

“I cannot bring myself to dress in women’s clothes.”

His chest felt tight. Yes, okay, that was an ancient play, of course there were going to be things he didn’t agree with. Still … he could think of so many men that would agree with the king.

Was he even a man? What was he thinking, of course he was.

Yet …

He thought of himself as a simple actor trying his best to succeed in his everyday life. He hadn’t really cared about the question until now, or maybe he hadn’t ever deeply posed himself the actual question.

He dared to look at the mirror again.

“I cannot bring myself to dress in women’s clothes.”

He never really cared about what he wore during Carnival or Halloween, though he loved being a prince (as well as zombie royalty!), or what was his role when he played make believe as a kid with his wonderful cousins.

He didn’t feel weird with make up on, he didn’t feel different with what would have been labeled as feminine clothes on.

There was a word for it, he was sure, but he hadn’t wanted to admit it to himself.

He put his hands on his hair and let out a sigh. The line kept on repeating in his mind like a broken record.

“I cannot bring myself to dress in women’s clothes.”

Well, true, he didn’t really feel like a girl that much, but he didn’t feel completely like a boy either. Shortly thereafter it would have teared apart his mind.

Was he neither? Was he both? Was he fluid? Could he say he didn’t care? What was even allowed anymore?

He? She? They? Roman was too confused to even think straight, let alone make an important choice.

What would Virgil think about it?

He lowered his hands slowly, as the realization struck him.

Virgil was going to reject him.

He will hate me.

Was this going to change everything? Roman could only see one way out of it: escaping the possibility of being rejected and completely burn the bridges out of the blue. Virgil was probably going to hate him in that case, too, but at least it wouldn’t hurt that he knew they couldn’t be together exactly because of him.

He’ll think I lied to him all this time, he’s not going to talk to me anymore, I’m going to ruin everything, the play will be a fiasco-

He brought his fingers to his cheeks and found them already wet with tears, while, as his hearing finally came back to him, instead of focusing on his inner thoughts, he noticed the uneven pattern of his breathing.

That was when someone decided to barge in.

« Sorry, I have to- what? » Lukas stood in the entrance for a second, then he closed the door behind himself with a soft click and made his way to the other actor. « Roman, what happened? Are you okay? »

He tried hard to compose himself, but he just couldn’t. He shook his head, trying to blink back the tears as he bit the inside of his mouth.

« Let’s talk about it, I won’t judge you. I promise. »

« It’s nothing, you can go back, they need you- »

« I don’t think so. » Lukas spoke so firmly he felt obligated to listen to him. « The meeting is over anyway, I came to tell you. And you seem more in need of comfort than anything else. »

« Maybe I do. » Roman admitted, wiping at his face several times.

« Come on then, let’s change and go get some ice cream from that famous place in front of the library. »

Roman was able to shut his thoughts again. Not for long, though.

✾✾✾✾

Something was wrong.

For a habitual worrier like Virgil, it wasn’t arduous to spot the danger zone, a circumstance in which the tiniest detail could have revealed itself to actually be the beginning of a catastrophe.

It had started during his school trip: he had sent tons of pictures to Roman, who had personally demanded him to do so ever since he had heard of the trip. Despite that, he hardly ever answered as excitedly as Virgil thought he would have been.

Roman had the power to sound just as dramatic via text messages, it was unusual for him to sound uninterested.

After that, there were times in which he didn’t answer at all. Virgil had complained to his classmate, who had the pleasant misfortune to share the room with him at the hotel. At first he tried to brush it off, he told himself that maybe he was just too stressed because of school, but the growing anxiety and discomfort had started to show on the outside as well.

His classmate had tried to calm him down, come up with all the positive outcomes he could find, though he couldn’t shake off the concern in his eyes. That, obviously, told Virgil’s paranoia that he probably believed they were going to stop talking forever.

He pretended his heart didn’t sink every time he checked his phone for notifications and tried to make the most of his last days in Athens.

The lovely illusion of potentially finding Roman waiting for him at the parking spot for their bus didn’t help his overthinking.

Why would he even think he would have showed up, anyway? Sure, he lived nearby, but it was pretty late at night on a Sunday. It was more of a wish. He hoped he could have seen him as soon as he had come back to their hometown.

He had thought waiting for the morning would have been worth the longing.

The first day he had been back to school, they had agreed to finally meet after a week of almost no interactions at all.

Eventually, Virgil ended up at his bus stop, a disappointment in his guts that he didn’t want to uncover and a text from Roman that explained he had been caught up with a test and a Spanish project and he couldn’t have made it.

Not even to say a quick hello and disappear again.

Something was wrong, and it dawned on Virgil the day after, during break, when he noticed Roman hanging out with Lukas and subtly getting out of his sight as fast as he could when he saw Virgil.

He was avoiding him on purpose.

Luckily for him, that wouldn’t have lasted much longer as the play rehearsals took place right after school.

His worries were confirmed when Roman refused to look in his direction or sit next to him, Virgil decided to endure everything for the sake of the rehearsal, even when the teachers gave them suspicious glances at how stiff their performance was.

Mrs. Eagan had even stopped him and pulled him aside to see if he knew anything, if Roman was okay or if it was just a bad day.

The funny thing was that Virgil had been wondering the same thing for about a week, trying to come up with different excuses every day while deep inside he blamed himself. He just didn’t know and it was eating him away.

Maybe it was actually his fault.

Lukas had approached him after the meeting ended.

« Hey. I guess, uh … Have you noticed something weird with Roman lately? »

God, why were they all asking him?

« Apparently, everyone is. »

Lukas’ intense stare bore into him.

« I know something. » Virgil’s head snapped up. So that was why they had been closer than usual; Lukas, much like Virgil himself, tended to stay in class most of the time.

« There is something that is bothering him very deeply, but it’s not my place to say. » he shifted in his feet. « I don’t think he’s going to bring it up anytime soon, so I suggest you talk to him. »

His natural nervous state morphed into a concerned one and, given a nod to the boy, he went to look for Roman.

For some reason, he was exiting the theater building from the back. Virgil saw him yelp in surprise when he grabbed his arm.

« Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or did you intend to ignore me a bit longer? »

Roman stiffed. He should’ve seen that coming. Panic rose to his chest as he searched his mind for an answer, a believable excuse.

You could always pretend.

« I fail to see the problem. »

« Are you actually serious right now? » he didn’t mean to raise his voice, but he just couldn’t buy that.

« I- »

« No, for real, are you being serious? » denial seemed to fuel him even more, to the point he brushed his hands on his face to shake off the disbelief. « ‘Cause last time I checked, you didn’t flee everytime you saw me like I was some kind of deathly virus to avoid! »

« Look, you’re blowing this out of proportion. » that was the first time Virgil despised the sound of his laughter and the way he acted. The first butterfly died in his stomach.

« So in your opinion this situation is totally normal and there is nothing to fix. »

« Precisely. » Roman’s words left his thoughts before he could process the kind of bomb he was dropping. He felt his heartbeat increase. « Have a good day. » he dead-panned, averting his stare.

When he made to turn around, he stumbled on his feet: Virgil had took a hold of his arm again, this time his nails almost pierced his skin. Roman noticed he was shaking.

« Don’t you fucking walk out on me again with no explana- »

Roman pulled his arm away. « What do you want me to say? » he cut him off with a loud exasperated yelling.

All around, the place fell so dead silent that time seemed to freeze. Virgil stared at him wide eyed and instinctively took a step backward.

« What do you want me to say? » Roman repeated more intensely, extending his arms. « Do you want me to go on about how irritating you are right now? » he pretended he didn’t care when he noticed something break in Virgil’s eyes.

« Do you want me to make something up so that I can satisfy you? You know, not everyone is here tending to your needs at anytime. »

Roman tried hard not to let Virgil’s hurt expression get to him, especially when he caught on the fact he was blinking back tears when his gaze shifted to the side.

« Well, I don’t know. I thought we had something going on and I was worried about you. » he emphasized the last sentence, taking up all the courage to look him in the eyes, he failed to believe the conversation was real every time he looked away. « But it doesn’t look like you care at all. »

« You’re right. I don’t. » Roman crossed his arms. A beat, and Virgil intook some breath. « So this should end here. »

« “This”? » Virgil tilted his head to the side, his eyes narrowed and he made a face, as if he had just tasted something sour. « Our whole … » he widely gestured. « friendship is just a little nothing that can be discarded whenever you feel like? »

« If I say it should, then yes. » there was no emotion in Roman’s voice. The lack of regret started a bonfire in Virgil’s chest, where once a welcoming hearth used to warm his heart.

« At least look me in the eyes and dignify me of the reason why. » something in his cracked tone was desperate. Roman could feel the shards of his broken voice graze his skin.

Then he acquiesced.

« You. » he pointed his finger to Virgil’s chest, then slid both hands on his jacket and lifted him toward himself ever so slightly. He had imagined a scene like that once, only in that circumstance he wouldn’t have hesitated to lean in further.

« Because of you. Because I wanted to. Because I don’t want to be your friend anymore. » he talked rapidly. « Because I don’t like you. »

After a beat, Virgil talked with a strangled voice, keeping up the conversation had become unbearable. « Is it true? »

Roman fought himself not to break down, say no and tell him everything.

« If it is, I’ll be on my way. »

No, no, no, please I need you here. Don’t.

« It is. »

Please.

And that was all Virgil needed.

That was all he needed to hear before slowly getting out of Roman’s grip while he held his stare. All he needed to convince himself to shut his mind, confirm his worries, turn around and walk away with wide steps.

He didn’t last long.

He hid himself behind the side of his bus stop’s canopy and put his hands on his eyes, the lump in his throat was getting harder to shove back down. The pace of his breathing was uneven.

Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry.

Tears welled up in his eyes but he refused to let them escape, they wet his palms instead of doing their usual journey down his cheeks.

He didn’t want to breathe, because sobs were ready to leave his body shaking and that would have meant that he cared. He regretted caring for someone who didn’t even cherish him in the slightest.

He held his breath so much it felt like choking. His hands pressed further on his eyes.

But fucking damn him if he didn’t deeply care for him.

Yet he had been the one to drive him away without even realizing, he replayed the scene in his head and felt a genuine disgust towards himself and the way Roman despised him.

The way he spit his responses like acid on his tongue, which alimented the fire that burned down all the remaining butterflies in Virgil’s stomach.

Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry.

He tentatively lowered his hands, his sight slightly blurred, out of the crying danger. He let the numbness take over, the same one he felt during fights with his parents.

By the time he got home, he had gotten rid of his red eyes.

The void that weighted him down? Well, he had been mastering the art of bottling up emotions for a long time. That would have taken too much longer to let out.

As he got to his room, he buried his feeeling in his guts and threw himself in his bed, unable to bring back the tears.

Roman, on the other hand, realized with an unbearable aching in his chest he tried to ignore unsuccessfully, that had been the first time Virgil hadn’t called him “Princey”.

✾✾✾✾

April flew by in an instant, between Easter holidays that took up most of the month; and, with the arrival of the most feared and toughest period of school, things started getting serious for all the school clubs. Most of them had outings or presentations to do to a vast public.

And, of course, the play was only getting nearer.

Roman thanked his acting skills when the rehearsals took place most of the days, instead of once, the week before the designated day. Sharing the main roles with someone who would’ve rather slaughtered him to bits with a single glance wasn’t exactly his expertise.

On the other hand, when the night arrived, Virgil had definitely other things to take care of than plotting his former friend’s death.

His anxiety levels where hitting the ceiling and crashing right through it, who thought this was a good idea? Him? Acting? Having the main role? Being the one to open the play? Tragically ironic, he was barely able to speak as the clock counted down an hour before he had to appear on the stage and see the curtains open in front of him.

He was being shoved into the dressing rooms by Anastasia after spending most of the time checking if the backstage group had everything under control.

He couldn’t stay still and tried his best not to jump out of his seat when his teammates started doing his make-up and combing his hair in just the perfect position for the wig to be placed and look almost real.

After he had put on Dionysus’ clothes, the last agonizing minutes were ticking down. He couldn’t find comfort in anything or anyone.

He clutched at the fabric, almost believing that, somehow, he could have conveyed his nervousness into it.

His hearing felt muffled as his teachers encouraged him toward the stage. As he looked around while walking, he locked eyes with the other actors. When he met Roman’s, he didn’t feel any kind of reassurance, especially as he looked away before he could have seen the tiniest of smiles creep its way into his face, a way to help him even in the chaos he had created. Had he noticed, Virgil would have thought he was a hypocrite. Right after, a large part of him would have been the happiest and he would have hated it.

But right then, the majority of him felt uptight.

He placed himself in the back of the stage as he had been instructed weeks earlier, then the spell finally worked as he felt his shoulders relax, the tension in his muscles was released and the curtains opened.

In front of him, the theater was full, the lights were all focused on him and he could hardly make out the facial traits of the audience seated in the front rows.

Virgil had his head held up, his eyes scanned the scene, slowly, he let the moment sink into him and gifted himself some more seconds of full and comfortable silence as the public, expectant, held its breath.

He moved ever so slightly forward. His mind, a few moments earlier, had been crowded with the worst fears of messing up. Now, it was cleared and he felt his steady breathing.

« I have returned! » his voice was earthshaking. « I am Dionysos, the son of Zeus, come back to Thebes, this land where I was born. »

As he transformed bit by bit into the god himself, he didn’t realize how the night was going to turn out wondrously.

✾✾✾✾

The scenes in which Roman and Virgil took part flowed wonderfully.

Because of their fight, the exchanging of lines between them was almost perfectly aligned with the climax of Pentheus and Dionysus’ conversations. They flooded all of their feelings into the characters, improving for the better how the teachers had told them to act. All the internalized emotions were let out, leaving their chests as light as feathers with every half-yelled remark.

The tension could be cut with a knife and the public was hanging at the edge of the seats.

Then, a line was spoken and, for an instant, Roman forgot they were acting in front of numerous people.

« My friend, you can still save the situation. » he couldn’t understand whether or not Virgil’s tone masked some kind of genuine sincerity in his words, or if he had really so much talent to make it seem real.

Roman stilled for a second, letting the words linger in his mind, he didn’t realize the two of them had automatically already shared a couple of lines before he came back to reality.

« This must be some trap. »

« A trap? How so, if I wish to save you by my own devices? » Virgil’s eyes narrowed as he moved closer. Roman’s attention faltered again, some more lines went by while he felt Virgil’s eyes bore into his soul.

« Bring my armor, someone. » Roman looked and gestured toward someone in the back. His expression shifted to an irritated one. « And you, » he pointed his finger toward Virgil, allowing it to brush his chest for a moment while he paced forward. « stop talking. » he demanded. He had began to walk away, after sharing a long glance with him.

« Wait! » Virgil looked like he was having an idea. The magic of the god flowed into the scene and made the king stop in his tracks, the possession of Dionysus was only beginning. « Would you like to see their revels on the mountain? »

« I would pay a great sum to see that sight. »

« Why do you desire this so badly? » Virgil stepped closer again.

« Certainly I would be sorry to see them in their drunkenness. »

« But would you see gladly what is grievous to you? » that would have made anyone reconsider. And maybe it was the whole meaning of the play. To realize that we actually long for what we despise at times, so much that it can happen that we seek it.

« Yes, very much. Sitting quietly under the pines, out of sight. » the king looked like he was hooked on whatever idea the god was having, his expression hazy.

« But if you try to hide, they may track you down. »

« Your point is well taken. I will go openly. »

« Shall I guide you? Will you attempt the journey? » Virgil extended his arm, he felt like he was mimicking a particular scene from Aladdin.

« The sooner the better. The loss of even a moment would be disappointing now. »

The scene went on, the king grew softer as he fell victim of the god’s disorientating spell. And so did the audience. Captured by the characters on the stage, by the deity’s charm, just like in the tragedy.

With the gentle soft touches they sometimes shared, like the brush of one’s curls, with the wrath of the Maenads told by a terrified messenger and the despair of a mourning mother with a clouded mind, the audience was left wondering if they had all just dreamt the same thing as the curtains closed in front of their eyes.

The night had gone splendidly, they had earned a standing ovation and, thus, their ticket for the provincial Theater were now a certainty.

In a moment, the whole crew had found a spot to celebrate.

Refreshing drinks and simple food was placed on a table on which the teens were more than ready to pounce.

Between laughs, even some tears, small talk and relieved sighs, everybody slowly took time to congratulate Roman and Virgil for their spectacular performance, and everytime someone mentioned to Virgil how skilled Roman must have been to be able to spark such talent in him, he struggled to find the willingness to smile and agree. Not that it wasn’t true, but … he would have preferred to have his mind clear from the guy in a moment of happiness. Even when he actually couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that they were in the same room and it hurt already.

Lukas pulled Roman aside as they both finally stopped being lauded.

« Oh my god, not again- »

« Roman, please, you’ve got to listen to me. For real. »

Roman could hear his exasperated tone, an ashamed look crossed his own face.

« Go an try to talk to him. You owe him an explanation. »

« But what if- »

« Nuh-uh, I know what you’re going to say. Won’t happen. I’m sure of it. » Lukas had a particular way to sound concise and believable, one that often helped when a train of bad thoughts started a journey across your mind.

« I’m not entirely convinced. » Roman sighed, moving his hands on his face. He was also very nervous.

« Listen. » he forced him to look straight in his eyes. « I’ve seen his concern when I told him to look for you. » Roman’s expression grew soft, with a hint of guilt. « There’s no way he’s going to reject you, Roman. Nor make fun of you or disrespect you. »

Lukas glanced behind him at the topic of their conversation. « And you have to believe me when I tell you I know he cares a lot about you. »

Roman looked to the ground, he didn’t like the warm feeling in his chest. « Does he? »

« He does. » he took him by the arm and pulled him forward. « That’s why you will definitely fix this. »

Before he could stop him, they had already arrived at their destination and Lukas signed to someone on the other side of the room and said, loud enough for Virgil to turn and notice them, “Look, there’s Bonnie!”. With that, he left his friend to his destiny.

It was an awkward minute until Roman decided to speak up.

« Hey. » Virgil barely acknowledged him. He gained courage and tried again. « Great job today. » as if he hadn’t heard that thirty times already, that’s great Roman!

He watched him shift his glance to the side, catching Lukas and Bonnie’s smiles directed at them, Lukas looked at Roman, then back to him and nodded.

« So you decide it’s worth to talk to me now. » Virgil didn’t even turn to him. « How curious. » he said, a fake surprised tone accompanying that.

The actor sighed, the consequences of his action were showing, he probably hated him by then, but god forbid he’d lose hope or Lukas would have gone as far as setting up a blind date to fix things between them.

« Can you look at me? »

He didn’t know it would have been so easy to make him face him, but he regretted it as soon as he saw his sour expression, his arms crossed in a defensive manner on his chest.

Roman took a deep breath. « We’re both going to agree that I’m an idiot. » the genuine laugh that escaped Virgil’s lips left him in disbelief.

« Absolutely. »

« Great, uhm … Look, I recognize I fucked up. Like, an awful lot. And I want to apologize properly- I am deeply, truly sorry- »

« And an airhead. »

« -and that. » he conceded. « But I feel like any apology I make doesn’t convey how I actually feel. » he paused, Virgil looked neutral, then nodded slightly. He was still willing to listen.

« If you let me, I’d like to explain everything. All those horrible things I said … I was just scared for something bigger. I thought I was doing what was best for both of us and it was stupid of me to decide that in your place. And I, it’s just- »

« Slow down. » Roman didn’t realize he had his hands at the sides of his face and an heaving chest. Virgil held up his hands in front of him. « Listen. »

Roman did his best to calm his breathing as he waited for the other’s response.

« Let’s stop at that for today, okay? » he gained a nod from Roman. « I don’t think this is the time and place to discuss heavy topics. I have to think about it and you do too. Forgiving and trusting isn’t easy. »

« I understand. » Roman sounded already defeated.

« I’m not finished. » he looked up. « I’ll tell you when I am ready to listen. » Virgil had to admit something blossomed in his stomach when he looked at Roman beaming slightly. « Until then, wait for me? »

« I will. » Roman answered almost instantly, his eyes were smiling for him. He stepped back, believing the conversation was over.

« Princey? » he looked up again, seemingly incredulous. He had missed the nickname in a way he didn’t even know how to explain. He had been feeling like when you hold hands with someone but their hand is slowly slipping away, the grip isn’t as strong anymore and your fingers are barely touching. In fear of letting go or being left altogether. That name alone made it seem like his hold was somewhat stronger.

« Just … relax for tonight. We earned it. Mh? » Virgil raised his hand and placed it on Roman’s shoulder, and he felt it was the best comfort he had had in weeks.

He gave Virgil a smile and they parted again.

This time, though, they were both left with hopeful thoughts in their minds.

✾✾✾✾

Princey: Everything alright?

It had been three days.

Three painful days of waiting and there was no sign of Virgil.

Ever since the play, he hadn’t come back to school. One day was the usual, the group always finished pretty late in the night and none would be seen the day after in class. The teachers closed an eye on that.

Roman had begun overthinking; was he really that exhausted? Did he catch a cold? During May was unlikely, though. Was he sick? A fever, maybe? Or something could have happened, to his family for example. Or to him. His heart sank at that thought alone.

« Don’t do that, brain. » Roman quietly reprimanded himself.

He shot from his seat as soon as the last bell rang, succeeding in exiting his class before anyone else in the entire school had even left their desk. And, as he did the other days, he waited.

And waited.

And-

He had lost most of his hope when, almost fifteen minutes after, he was being pulled toward the stairs instead of still standing in the hallway.

Roman hadn’t even seen the figure discreetly exit his own classroom and grabbing his arm: he focused and recognized a hoodie. Black fabric, purple patchwork.

« You’re alive! » was the smartest thing he came up with, an idiotic smile twitching his lips.

Virgil glanced over his shoulder, shooting him a look that simply said “what are you high on?”

They kept descending toward the basement path for the gym. « There’s a class that is staying here for an extra hour. » he explains, releasing his arms afterwards, meaning the school would have been open for some more.

The walked down the second to last ramp of stairs, had a quick flat path, then climbed the last stairs.

« Are you sure they’re not having a P.E. Lesson? »

« Nah. Philosophy. »

Roman grimaced. « Poor unfortunate souls. » after five hours of intense lessons and only a ten minutes break that felt more like ten seconds, people who were up to do a sixth hour without even having lunch could consider themselves heroes and gained everybody’s respect instantly.

Virgil stopped in a spot between the wooden bleachers and a door that led to the outside.

« We have a little less than an hour- »

« Don’t you go home with a bus usually? »

Virgil blinked, taken aback he was concerned with that instead of already diving into his explanation. « I’m taking the, uh, the later one. »

« When is it? »

« In like … » he checked his phone for the time. « An hour, a little more than that. It’s always late anyway. » he shrugged.

« Okay, then I’ll be keeping you company. »

« You d- »

« As for the real reason we’re here. » Roman walked over to one of the first steps of the bleachers,where large dark brown stairs led the way up to the sitting spots. « Shall we sit down? »

Virgil complied. He turned slightly to him.

Roman breathed in. « I got distant because I was scared of your opinion on myself. » he stared into the nothingness in front of him.

A beat, and Virgil was already in disbelief. « Dude, what? My opinion- Roman, why would you believe I think lowly of you? » he pressed his hands on his chest for emphasis, looking slightly wounded but concerned at most. « You know I l- »

« I- Well, it’s … I’m not finished. » he added. « There’s more to that. I feared your opinion on me after I came to a realization. »

Virgil shifted, giving him his full attention, his chin resting on his palm. That was his cue for him to carry on.

But he couldn’t find the right words. And everything was so difficult, the wrong word and he’d lose Virgil. He didn’t even know where to start. He felt like he had forgotten every detail about himself and his mind had gone blank.

« There was once a king. » he felt himself blurt out.

Okay, you could work on that. Tell a story.

« He had some kind of development right before dying. He thought he hated something he actually enjoyed. Which means … it’s never late to learn something new about yourself. However a big thing it may be. » Roman finally looked over to Virgil, searching some kind of approval.

« Well, yeah. I think so too. »

Roman nodded. « Good, okay. Said king didn’t know that, thanks to him, a couple of thousands of years later, a random guy from around here would learn something about himself too. »

Virgil wasn’t sure he was following the correct train of thought. A part of his mind, deep in the back, suggested Roman was going to confess he wanted to take part of ancient rites and rip people’s limbs apart as a sacrifice for the gods. His logical sense told that part to shut the hell up, this was a serious moment.

Had he ever seen him open up so much to him? Sure, they both vented to each other in times of need, when they needed to complain about teachers or parents. Usual teenage stuff.

Sometimes he, himself, revealed some rather personal information when he really couldn’t take it anymore and his mental health decided to do a back-flip and sink down into the abyss of god knows what was going on in his mind.

As for Roman, well, Virgil hadn’t realized until now how much he had always kept to himself.

« Pentheus, in the end put a lot of care in his feminine look, dare I say he was kind of passionate about it, yes? » he attempted, looking over to Virgil again, he studied his reactions, his body language, trying to find out if he was a safe place before he was too late. How did people do this, was there a map or a guide he could follow?

« I’d say so, yes. He asked for Dionysus help, especially. »

Roman suddenly looked like he had just had an epiphany, his voice raising a little. « Yes, right! »

« Are you … asking for my help? »

He noticed Virgil was trying to read through the lines. « I don’t know, it’s just …I am too. Passionate. Uhm … that. »

« I know? I can see that a lot of times- »

« No! No, not in- » Roman started gesturing widely. He dropped his arms in defeat, unable to track back his flow of thought. Stupid, stupid, stupid-

« Alright, we’re struggling a bit, aren’t we? » Roman grimaced and nodded. « You don’t have to tell me right now. » Virgil started.

« I want to! » and the sound in his voice was too desperate.

« Okay. » Virgil continued, maintaining a soft tone. « You can go straight to the point, if you want. I can ask questions in case I’m confused. There’s no need to tell everything at once. » upon finding so much comfort in him, Roman felt the urge to cup his cheeks and kiss the hell out of him for once and for all, forgetting about the mess they’d gone through.

« It isn’t easy. »

« I know. »

Virgil looked around, as if in search of a possible idea, then he simply stuck out his hands from his pockets and offered them to Roman. After sharing a stare to see if he was for real, Roman wasn’t late to take up said offer.

So, now he was holding hands with his crush, whose heart he had broken a month prior, now trying to come out to him. A piece of cake.

He brushed the back of Virgil’s hands with his fingers, trying not to think about all that despite how impossible it was.

He took a deep breath, deciding it was either now or never.

His face shot up, expression determined like he knew exactly what he was talking about. His lips parted and Virgil leaned slightly in anticipation.

« I am non-binary. »

There.

Virgil blinked a few times, his expression didn’t change.

That was … it? Or maybe he was still processing. Or-

Roman couldn’t find it in himself anymore to look him in the eyes, he stared at their still joined hands, hunched over himself.

After a beat, he saw Virgil’s hands release his own from his grip and instead move on his arms and pull him in for the best and fiercest hug he could have ever fathomed to be real.

It wasn’t the first time they’d hugged, obviously, but it was truly the first time after an achingly long period of no contact at all, no talking, no being emotional together at 1 am over puppy pictures of Virgil’s Labrador.

It was the first real hug they’d both shared with someone for a while.

That was also the reason why all the adrenaline and nervousness of the moment decided to ease up under his touch, which caused the first tears to travel down his cheeks in irregular patterns.

As he heard the first sobs, Virgil tightened the hug.

« I have no problem with that, you absolute hard-head. » he gripped the back of his shoulders, pulling him as close as he could.

« I was … so scared. That you would’ve, I don’t know, rejected me. » Roman let out, struggling.

« I know. I’m sorry. » Virgil pulled away just enough for him to see his face. Roman noticed he was wearing a guilty look on his face. It took him a second to understand.

« Vi- »

« No, shut up. I have to. » he still had his hands on his shoulders and stared directly into his eyes. « I’m sorry you felt the need to do all of that because you were scared. And also I’m sorry for attacking you out of frustration. I was too confused to act right. »

« I forgive you. » Roman gifts him a smile after soothing him with the soft sound of his voice.

« I wish you hadn’t been scared. I hate the fact that you were and I didn’t help at all. »

« It’s not like you knew I was, I said pretty mean things instead of confronting you, too. »

« How about we say we’re both idiots and call it a day? »

« Agreed. »

After the hug, the first genuine shared laugh came, too.

« Seriously, though. You don’t have to worry about this, I’m the last person that will judge you. Nothing would change even if you had some overnight realization and you told me about it in the morning. And if you need to look more into it, you’re free to come to me. »

That was how Virgil earned another long lasting hug and a couple of hundreds of thank yous whispered into his ear. Which totally didn’t make him all flustered and shove Roman away. Only you imagined that.

« Oh, I have an idea. » Roman suddenly got up from the stairs and walked down.

« That’s a first. »

« Okay, wonderful, is it too late to go back to no talking? »

Virgil chuckled under his breath, then shrugged. « Enlighten me. »

« We could go shopping together. Like, clothes, make-up, or- »

« Food. »

« You’re the only one that truly gets me. » Roman’s dramatic tone was accompanied by an air kiss. « There’s also the end of the year’s dance coming around, oh! We could get matching clothes! »

Virgil quirked an eyebrow, still sitting down and looking up at him, a smirk crossed his face. « Is this your way of subtly asking me to go with you, Princey? »

As if on cue, Roman’s entire body decided to heat up at once and he very carefully wondered if someone had actually just set him on fire. Maybe that would’ve been an easier situation.

Roman stuttered, who allowed him to be so bold out of the blue? Illegal. That was definitely illegal, that smirk was illegal, and the effect his whole being had on him was definitely utterly mostly illegal.

« ImeanIguessifyoudlike- »

« If you think I caught all of that you’re very wrong. »

« I’m just saying. » he tried again. « If it’d fancy you, then we could arrange something. » he conceded.

Over-dramatic. Poised, like a seventeenth century aristocrat. And so, so deeply infuriating.

« Maybe, when His Royal Highness decides to come back to the present time. »

« So that’s a yes? »

The last bell of the day rang, at which Virgil retrieved his backpack and made his way to the door. « I said maybe. »

Roman followed right after, their next destination was his friend’s bus stop, where they would have waited for more than half an hour.

And he definitely knew that was a yes.

✾✾✾✾

It was like breaking out of a shell.

As much as the inside could have been comfortable, curled up in a silent but pleasant darkness, only once out you could be able to shine bright and experience the real freedom.

Virgil and Roman had spent the day at the most visited mall nearby their school’s town; being able to finally buy whatever you wished with no nervousness was such a cathartic experience. Confidence could only accompany them.

They were walking down the street to reach the train station, bubble teas in their hands.

« Hey, V. » of course, Virgil could only turn so much that his friend had already hit him with one of the bubbles in his drink. It was a simple and effective way of annoying someone, you got the bubble in the straw and then you blew it out toward someone. And, if it managed to crush and let out all the syrup, well, you had to run.

Thankfully that wasn’t the case.

« Something’s telling me you want my attention. »

« Firstly, I always want attention. » Roman counted on his fingers, correcting the other. « But, yes, I have a question. »

« Shoot. » Virgil took another sip of his drink. The nonchalance and general comfortableness of those situations always managed to let him relax.

« Have you cleared your thoughts about university? »

At least, until he wasn’t reminded of something else.

« I suppose. »

« Are you gonna stay in the province? » Virgil noticed his slightly shaky voice, was it trepidation or fear?

« Most likely, yes, I’ll commute. I’m probably going to take up that Cultural Heritage faculty, there’s a lot of history of art. » he looked at Roman. « And also some archaeology exams. »

Roman’s smile grew wider at the news, he remembered one of the first times they talked, he had suggested that himself.

« I’m going to a theater academy. » he finally conceded, eyes going down at the sidewalk he was pacing on while his smile faltered a bit. « It’s a two hours car ride from home. I’ll be staying in an room with some others I think. »

« Well, yeah, it’s the best option. »

« You’re, uh, okay with it? »

Virgil stopped and blinked with an indescribable look on his face. « I’d be mad if you didn’t go there, Roman. You’ve got the talent and the opportunity, too. »

« Alright. » the trademark smile was back again. « You can come whenever you want, anyway. »

« Sure. It’ll be a pleasure to blast angsty songs under your balcony in the middle of the night. »

« Don’t make me take it back, Emo in Black Clothing. »

« Let me be an individual. »

« Anyway, » Roman gestured widely. « I’ll come back during weekends. »

« Honestly, the fact that you think you might get rid of me so easily wounds me, Princey. » Virgil giggled quietly, something he allowed himself rarely.

It wasn’t long after he realized Roman hadn’t been following him anymore after having pronounced the nickname that sparked in him the same warm effect even after a hundred times of saying it out loud.

Virgil turned with a questioning look.

« I have another question. » Roman watched him instinctively shrink in himself. « How did you come up with that name? »

The other tilted his head and arched an eyebrow. « You literally wrote it down on my phone when you gave me your number. »

Roman smiled sadly, biting his lower lip, then shook his head slightly. « I can’t believe you don’t remember. »

« Remember what? »

« Our first year. » Roman stepped closer. « We were our first months into the theater club. I was going off at someone about a Disney play I did when I was a child. You were pissed at me because I was wasting my time and that’s when you called me that for the first time. »

Virgil went wide-eyed. « You remember all of that? »

« I liked it. » Roman shrugged. That was the first time he had really noticed him, the one time he had decided to try and be friends with him, actively failing every attempt. And there he was, years later, finally having accomplished the mission.

« That’s cute of you, Princey. » okay, well, something he couldn’t handle was definitely being called that twice in a day, especially after being described as “cute” by Virgil of all people.

This is illegal illegalillegalillegal.

Roman wasn’t even aware he was being basically dragged towards the train station with his arm linked to Virgil’s.

✾✾✾✾

The chorus had prepared itself behind the curtains.

« Virgil, look at me. » Roman had positioned himself in front of him, blocking his view from the stage. « It’s gonna be fine. You’re amazing, you’ve proved it before and I’m sure you’ll do it again. Just follow your emotions like last time. »

He did really want to believe him, he wanted to give his best performance for his fellow club members. Then why was it so hard to have faith in himself?

He was still keeping a grimace when Roman brought up all his courage and leaned his hands at the sides of Virgil’s face to place a kiss on his forehead.

« I believe in you. »

To assure yourself a good success, it can be required to change something up in order to gain an even larger public.

Cicero was a good example to make: he came up with his sermones for the trials, learnt them by heart, recited them during his prosecutions and had a trusted servant that he had freed afterwards, Tiro, take notes on what he said during the trial. Once it was over, and most likely won, he would go back home and confront his first draft with Tiro’s notes, he would combine them an create a greater sermo and publish it for all the Romans to see.

That was what Virgil was reminded of when the theater teachers told them they had an idea to improve even more Dionysus and Pentheus’ interactions.

Also, that was the reason why he was then standing in the middle of the stage at the provincial theatre at the end of May or early June, Roman in front of him who had just approached him. Or, more precisely, the reason why he lifted his arm to place a finger on Roman’s cheek and lightly push his head to the side, just the little bit he needed.

His eyes scanned Roman’s hair. « This lock of your hair has come out of place, not the way I arranged it under your headband. » he tilted his head to the side, returning his glance on his eyes.

« It must have worked loose, when I was dancing for joy. » Roman’s voice sounded dreamy, almost surreal, like he wasn’t even in that world.

« Well, I will rearrange it, » Virgil took both of his hands in a comforting manner. « Since to tend thee is my care; » he lifted his chin afterwards. « Hold up your head. » he commanded.

« Here, you arrange it; for I depend on you, indeed. »

He raised a hand to move Roman’s hair back under the headband. Both his fingers and the silence lingered, like the stare they kept up.

Build tension.

And they did, in an achingly slow pattern, give the audience little hints.

Like when Dionysus made the physical contact linger, on his hair, on his dress, on his hand when he gave him the thyrsos, when the angered expressions shifted into softer ones, or they stood closer than they should have.

Dionysus was almost as good as Hermes with lies, he was a god of disguises, after all. The god kept on filling the king of fake praises.

« You will spoil me. »

« I mean to spoil you. »

Make them expectant.

Before they realized, they were both in the back of the stage, still clearly visible to their public, while a group of students, the messengers, explained the tale of how Pentheus, once reached the Bacchantes, came to his fall.

Roman was standing in front of Virgil, behind him the crowd of Maenads was starting to get up, slowly, and approach. Virgil stepped closer, putting his hands on Roman’s shoulders.

« And there came a great voice out of heaven. Dionysos’, it must have been, crying: “Women, I bring you the man who has mocked at you and me and at our holy mysteries. Take vengeance upon him.” »

And turn your back on them at the last second.

Virgil shoved Roman to the group, and he fell behind, his back against the Maenads’ arms. The lights on them went off.

« Happy was the hunting. »

✾✾✾✾

« If you need help the reception at the front will be open until you guys aren’t finished. » and with that, the two fellow actors were dismissed by their teachers along with a couple of other group members.

Saying that it had been a wild night of success was an understatement, as Virgil and Roman found themselves at almost two a.m. still fully clothed with their play costumes and not a single bit of make up wiped away.

Way too many people from the audience stopped to greet them and compliment their talent, some had even full conversations with them and never seemed to want to let them go.

When they thought they had finally broken free of the people’s questions, they were met with a local journalist who demanded an interview with the main actors and the heads of the group. They both thought their success was insane, but they couldn’t help but feeling prideful about it.

Mrs. Eagan and Mrs. Michaelis had waited for most of the students to leave with their relatives before deciding they could go home themselves and accompany some of the remaining ones.

They had made sure Virgil and Roman were fine with being left alone in the biggest theater they had ever acted in, trusting them enough since, in the end, both of them had reached 18 already and they were adults in the teachers’ eyes.

So, as any adult would do, they politely told them they didn’t have to worry and they could go home right then and there. They kept their poised stances until the little group was gone.

Then, they grinned at each other and made the most of it.

There was no spot they couldn’t say they hadn’t checked out or touched, they admired props lying around for other productions. Or the costumes they probably weren’t supposed to know about in bigger dressing rooms.

It was hilarious: two actors running around the backstage of a theater, one dressed like an ancient Greek god, the other still in full Maenad look, the fake fawn skin now in his arms.

As they finally went back to the rooms reserved to their school, they started helping each other out, a good teamwork, with taking off bobby pins still stuck in their (very soft, Roman had to note) hair.

They took their precious time in cleaning their faces free of foundation, eyeliner and all the other products they didn’t even know had been used. By that, of course, we mean smearing mascara under their eyes and looking like absolute messes before wiping it off completely.

The oh-so-fun aura died down when it came to take off their costumes and slide back into their normal clothes.

It meant they were done, that they would’ve gone home after that and their experience was over. End of the games, just like that.

Roman didn’t think so.

Virgil had just gotten in his small dressing room, those same ones that you see in clothing shops, when he jumped at Roman storming in immediately after, tugging at the curtain to block out the rooms light.

« What the fuck, man? » Virgil had his body completely pressed to the wall, next to him a mirror and Roman on the other side.

He had a mischievous smile on his lips, one Virgil didn’t really trust.

« I had a thought. »

« That’s a first! »

« Stop doing that, » Roman whined before recomposing himself. « You should help me. »

Virgil wasn’t sure he had heard correctly, did he just say- « What? »

« You helped me with it on the stage, might as well help me out of them too, wine god. » he giggled in such an annoying way that Virgil felt the need to punch his face but also write a poem about how adorable he was at the same time. The duality of a poor tired guy who didn’t know what to do with his feelings anymore.

« You’re the laziest person I know. »

Virgil took the tiniest step forward, then moved his fingers on the front buttons of Roman’s shirt and started working on them.

Silence fell over and now he was painfully aware of his breathing, of the heat rushing to his face which he fought back. But how could he when Roman’s breath tickled his cheeks with every exhale?

He could practically feel his stare, it was that same one sensation of impatience and distraction that eventually forced you to look up in curiosity.

But when Virgil did, he found out he wasn’t looking at him.

Well, technically, he was, but their eyes didn’t meet; Roman’s stare was, rather, lingering on the line of his jaw, then trailing down his neck.

Virgil moved slowly.

Next thing he knew, Roman’s hands were untangling the strings on his clothes.

« What are you doing? » he didn’t mean to sound so quiet.

Roman didn’t take his eyes off of the laces. « I’m undressing you. »

And that was the last straw, because after that Virgil absolutely and very clearly lost it.

He took his wrists and pushed forward: Roman’s back touched the room’s wall with a small thud and his hands were brought above his head, pinned by Virgil’s own.

Virgil surged upward, stopping exactly as his lips ghosted over Roman’s, and everything was clear to him.

Pothos, the desire of something or someone that is far away, that achingly long time you’ve been waiting for the moment to present itself and give you the chance of satisfaction.

With that millimeter between them, Virgil just knew it was still too much to bear. Neither would have felt complete.

It was when Roman finally, finally closed the gap and transformed the longing into passion that he understood. He truly understood it all.

Himeros, the desire of something or someone that is right in front of you, and yet the one that makes you feel like something’s wrong.

It is the concept of love as missing, almost physically, yearning for the object of your dreams to reciprocate your feelings or simply be there.

Virgil pressed his lips desperately on Roman’s; to hell with it, he wanted to feel the wholeness Aristophanes liked to talk about in his myth. He wanted to know what the demon, son of Pòros and Penìa, was like when he possessed his senses. He wanted to understand the link between beauty and life that only the gods could fathom.

He wanted to experience the thousand, then hundred and a thousand more kisses Catullus wrote about, to the point of not being able to keep the count anymore. Or see the same beauty Sappho saw in the objects of her love as she remembered them while lying down with the moonlight brushing her skin.

He wanted to see the world slowly rebuild itself, just like Tityrus had seen thanks to his love for Amaryllis, the tale Virgil, the Latin poet, had narrated. Orpheus’ willingness to go to the end of time, to the end of the earth for Eurydice.

And Roman was able to give all of that to him with a single, gentle touch. Roman was his mean to reach the deity’s realm, the muse that sang to him his epic poem.

For a moment, they believed they didn’t need to breathe at all.

Roman slid his hands into Virgil’s, bringing them down and leaving them at the sides of his face as his own searched for Virgil’s back to hold him closer and pressed their bodies flushed, he needed to understand the completeness.

Begrudgingly, he left the taste of Virgil’s chapstick to leave a trail of slow and gentle kisses down his neck, leaving red marks here and there as he made his way.

Roman shifted, stumbled around and Virgil couldn’t care less when he found himself with his back against the mirror, its coldness a contrast to the rising heat of his body.

They met again in a deeper, open mouthed kiss, tongues having a dance they would have never wanted to conclude.

A myriad of feelings were bursting in their chests, Roman was pretty sure that the butterflies had now become a greater beast, blissfully twisting his insides. He finally had a word for it: it was a catastrophe.

The way Virgil’s nails grazed his skin, how his hands held onto his shoulders, or his fingers just barely brushing the hair on his neck, occasionally tugging at it. Devastating. Their breaths mixed, their hearts pounding alongside, an unbearable cacophony echoing through the air between them.

Pulling apart and diving back in, terrific.

Roman moved away only to take a moment to appreciate the sight and fathom what a tremendous work of art they had done. And it was wonderful.

With every single aspect of themselves, they had created a breathtaking painting, the awe upon the sculpture of Laocoon.

Roman raised his hands to cup Virgil’s cheeks, brushing those beautifully red swollen lips with his thumbs. He allowed himself to smile and catch Virgil’s lower lip between his teeth one last time.

Dizzy, light-headed and catching his breath, he would have sworn he had just experienced the Stendhal syndrome.

Time slipped before they decided to change, give themselves a rest and find a place to sit down.

Virgil melted as Roman refused to let go of his hand, or his arm, shoulder, waist, anything that could possibly indicate that he was still there and it wasn’t all a dream.

« Hey. » Roman suddenly looked up and met Virgil’s searching eyes. « I’m not going anywhere. » his own eyes fell to the hand he had clasped in both of his, clutching it like a life-saver.

« Oh, I- » his giggle sounded a bit too loud. « Sorry, I just. » the right words, where were the right words when he needed them? « Are you sure? » his voice was barely above a whisper.

Wait. That wasn’t what he wanted to say. Where did that come from- what was that sad look on Virgil’s face?

Roman felt the other’s hand tighten around his. « I am utterly and perfectly sure, Roman. I’m exactly where I want to be. »

« In a deserted theater at three in the morning with a nerd from the languages course? »

Virgil chuckled. « Don’t do that, you know what I’m talking about. »

« I suppose. »

« Alright. » Virgil shifted so that he was completely facing him, he took both his hands and held them while looking right into his eyes. « You can tell me if something’s bothering you. »

Roman felt himself blush, he had been exposed, and something was pinching his stomach. He had to let it out.

« It’s kind of weird, but … I’m still kind of afraid you might reject me. And you could think it is because I don’t trust you, which is not true, but I wouldn’t blame you, then you could start hating me- anyone could start hating me at any given time and I’m just- I’m just trying to understand myself, I’ve only started to do so and I’m scared anyone could leave me exactly because of that and it would shatter me. »

Roman breathed in deeply, that was the most he had ever revealed of his dark thoughts, yet it was still so little and he knew he wouldn’t have been satisfied enough with a single conversation.

« I understand how you feel. » Oh. « I think like that, too, sometimes. Often times. And I can’t promise you all that will be gone in the blink of an eye. But we can work on it together, if you’re willing to. »

« We can? » he tentatively glanced up.

« We can. » Virgil reassured, gifting him a genuine smile.

Roman threw his arms around his neck, whispering a thank you in his ear as Virgil returned the hug just as tight.

« Come on now, or the receptionist will most likely fall asleep on us. »

Roman didn’t move as the other got up and felt himself stop in his tracks by Roman’s hand. He turned around, the sitting boy glued his eyes to the ground.

« Can you do me a favor? » his voice was barely above a whisper, like he was actually talking to himself.

« Of course. »

« I’m not even sure about it, but I’ll never be if I don’t try it first. » Roman began explaining. « Can you use neutral pronouns with me? Just you, I want to see if I’m comfortable with it. »

Virgil gifted them a smile. « Certainly. Also, you don’t need to justify yourself, just say the word. »

Roman tackled him in another hug. « You’re the best, holy shit. »

« Please, no, I have a reputation to maintain. »

« What reputation? »

« Excuse you? »

« No, wait I didn’t mean it like tha- Vir- Wait for me! I don’t know the way- »

« You’re going home alone. »

« No wait, I’m afraid of the dark! »

« Good luck with the monsters. »

« How could you say that?! »

Needless to say, in a minute their hands were linked again.

✾✾✾✾

Exams were in ten days.

That night, though, the students from the last year didn’t care. Along with the ones from the other years, they showed up to celebrate their well deserved end of the school year.

The party was something simple, there was music and drinks, but most importantly, there were too many people.

That was something Virgil had never liked; despite that, though, he had found quite a pleasant company. Yes, he had gone with Roman and yes, he had to stop himself before he ruined their makeup with kisses for how gorgeous they looked.

They had made their entrance and, in a second, they were joined by none other than their three favorite fellow actors.

« Imagine we actually did those King and Queen of the night, like they do in those movies. » Dave suggested. « If I were ever to win, I’d give you my crown, Ro-bro. »

« Why would that be? » Bonnie questioned, if she knew something, it was Dave’s love for his personal stuff.

« Because as Cadmus I’ve already done my duty as sovereign so I’m passing my throne to my child. »

« Hearing you say that while I’m older than you is kind of weird- »

« Also! » he interrupted again. « Because you’re the worst drama queen I’ve ever known. »

Roman snorted while Virgil nodded solemnly; that was the Dave they had learnt to know.

« I would say you’re not too far from it either. » Lukas barged in, handing one of the drinks he was carrying to Bonnie. He had left the group to get them a few moments earlier.

Snickers filled the air between them while Dave gave him a mischievous look. « Aw, here I thought you had gone off with your boyfriend. »

« Wait, what? Why do I not know of this? » Virgil protested, arching an eyebrow toward the boy in question.

Lukas rolled his eyes so hard they thought for a second that they couldn’t see his irises anymore. « He’s not. And, for the record, he’s annoying. »

« Huh. » Roman shifted his gaze and looked over Lukas’ shoulder. « I don’t think the feeling is mutual. »

Virgil turned to see a tall blonde and over excited guy waving wildly at them. Heh, he could understand his friend’s motives.

Dave waved back with an idea in mind, yelling a “hello” from a distance, then he grabbed Lukas’ shoulders and shoved him towards the other boy. « Go get him, tiger. »

« I hate you so much. »

The bunch cheered and laughed altogether, checking their friend from a distance.

« And Bonnie, » Cadmus’ actor really had something for everybody that night, didn’t he? « Don’t think I haven’t noticed your heart eyes at that Hiro dude from the Art course. »

As if on cue, the girl went wide eyed and red in the face: it took a couple of encouragements before she was off, too, on her love quest.

« As for you two. » the actor began, pointing his fingers toward Virgil and Roman. « Go have fun already. » he ordered with a genuine smile, then he decided to add on with a softer tone. « Maybe somewhere you won’t be afraid to at least hold hands. »

Oh. So he had noticed how they were subtly standing extra close.

« Are you trying to get rid of all of us so you can hook up with someone yourself? » Roman teased, arching their eyebrow.

Dave simply chuckled and showed them the way to a flight of stairs that led to an outer terrace.

« Don’t be arodiculus, Ro-bro. »

« Did you just- »

« Yes, I did. Now, have fun, lovebirds! » Dave pat each on their shoulders and disappeared into the crowd behind themselves.

Roman shook their head with a small smile, then they extended their arm for Virgil to take their hand, which he very much gladly did. They marched up the stairs and finally they were breathing pure air.

Virgil walked up to the railing of the terrace, letting go of Roman and leaning into the sight of the nightly town.

« I thought I was going to suffocate in there. »

« You should have told me if you wanted some quiet time, you know. »

« Shush, silence is in town. » he gestured to the tranquil city in front of them. « Keep her around. »

Roman laughed quietly. They approached Virgil and they rested their chin between his neck and shoulder, wrapping their arms around his chest.

« Will you ever stop making references to emo bands? »

« Honestly, the fact that you know of them really does say something about you. »

« I’m going to remind you that I could literally throw you off this building right now. »

Virgil set his hands around their wrists and hummed. « Normally I would’ve shoved you away, but I kind of like this, so. »

This time, Roman didn’t pretend they didn’t feel the welcome giddy feeling in their stomach and allowed themselves to look even more delighted than usual when they were around him.

« And I kind of like you. » they admitted, turning their head to place a quick kiss on his cheek.

« You’re a sap, Princey. »

« No, I mean it. »

That was definitely Virgil’s cue to melt right on the spot. No grand gestures needed, simple words of appreciation were enough to push his overload of positive emotions button. Roman had wondered more than once how much he had been neglected affection before they were there to tend to his well-being.

« Ro … you don’t have- »

« I want to, Virgil. » the way they directly spoke into his ear sent shivers down his spine.

« I believe in us together more than anyone else. » they mused, Roman was looking ahead of him, eyes occasionally shifting to the starry sky above them.

They tightened their embrace. « I believe that with each other, we are stronger than we know. »

You’re gonna make me cry. Virgil thought he had actually said it, instead his voice died in his throat as he tried to blink back the heartfelt joyful tears that threatened to make an appearance.

Roman stepped away and he already missed the warmth. They turned Virgil to face him and rested their hands on his cheeks, looking lovingly into his eyes. It was too dark to determine the color, but none would have been able to make them forget their glow.

« I- » Virgil felt in an helpless dire need of intelligent words.

« Sh, don’t say it. » Roman’s smile was far too soft to bear. « I know. »

He didn’t know what to do. He once believed he could recognize what that kind of feeling was, little did he know he was so wrong. It was nothing like he had experienced before and Roman taught him what it really meant.

« I just wanted to thank you. » Virgil admitted before they could stop him. « For opening up to me and trusting me with all the issues that have come to your mind recently. » he went through some of them silently in his memory. « And the ones that have been in the back of your head for far too long. » there was a reprimanding tone in his voice and Roman kind of felt like they deserved it.

« Sometimes it is nice to be reminded I’m not the only one to think about themselves as a bit broken. »

« Which you definitely aren’t. » Roman was quick to retort. « And I should be the one thanking you, so don’t even get me started on that. »

Virgil snorted and nodded slightly.

« In conclusion, » Roman started, pausing dramatically. Then, they leaned in just that essential amount to grant themselves the perfect special effect. Their voice was warm and emotional. « I’m so fucking glad I fell in love with you. »

Virgil didn’t fight his wish to surge up and kiss them senseless.

✾✾✾✾

The chorus of Bacchantes stood, covering the view of the back of the stage. Their gazes were fixated on the ground. They were still, making no sound. Bronze statues.

Dionysus and Pentheus appeared at each side of the stage, walking towards each other and meeting in the middle. The god placed his hand on the other’s shoulder and they both faced the audience.

They broke the fourth wall.

« So ends the play and Pentheus’ story » the king declared, searching for the public’s reaction.

Dionysus scanned them too, after taking a step forward, almost at the edge of the pavement.

The curtains started to close, leaving the god in between.

A cryptic smile danced on his lips as a provocation left his mind.

« Isn’t it the thing we hate or fear the most the one that remarkably fascinates and intrigues us? »

He stepped away. The god had vanished.

The audience breathed in and out, and the curtains met at last.

✾✾✾✾

Taglist: @lesbianturtle @len-art-trash @i-need-you-buddy @jeevashun @quietlypondering @creativity-killed-thekitten @bookwyrminspiration @i-have-n0-idea-what-im-d0ing @softanxiouspatton @be-more-chaotic @pheonix-inside-reblogs @www-dot-ohshit-dot-com @datfearlessfangirl @alltimevirgilant @royalnerd829 @just-fic-me-up @theblankest123 @theotherella @thesleepyraziel @gaylotusthatexists @sendingcookiesfromhell @mijako98 @logicalberry @maybe-i-like-the-misery @orderly-opaline @purpledemond @nafsbluebery @tefff696 @why-should-i-tell-youu2 @quietwords-loudthoughts @sam-the-human

#prinxiety #roman sanders #virgil sanders #ts roman #ts virgil #sanders sides roman #sanders sides virgil #sanders sides au #sanders sides #fanfiction #prinxiety fic #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fic #ts fanfic #to tend thee is my care #purp's writings

162 notes · View notes