Next door neighbor is sneezing and coughing and straight up whimpering so loud it sounds like he’s right behind me. I almost feel bad for him, but ultimately I don’t because he threatened to sue me once. Go ask your lawyer for a tissue, old man.

I inhabit a very interesting limbo between “I can fix him” and “I’d be evil alongside him” that I dub “As long as he’s not a shithead towards me I don’t really care much what he gets up to in his own spare time”.

will you answer if I ask your top five Jims -RJ

....

1. Jim

2. Jim

3. Jim

4. Jim

5. Jim

Is it racist (jimist?) if I say yall all look the same?

-🗡

Tom: Did you finish your scene? :D

Me: No… I wrote a sentence. And half of another sentence. And then there was this other sentence where I've been waffling about whether or not to flip the first part with the second part, so I tried it out, and then I was like, “Yes.” And then I was like, “...No.” But then I changed it back to the new version. And then I changed it back again to what it was at first.

Tom: *literally screaming into a pillow*

im sorry to those anons but jigokuraku is the most bullshit male fantasy shonen thing ive read/watched in recent years...... perfect malewife???? hes 16

If people were too mean to you when you were growing up, a newborn animal will materialize inside your brain and it’s so so scared and shivering and it will stay there for years. Decades, even. And whenever you say something kind of weird but true to your heart the animal will tell you “Noo! You can’t say that! If you say that, everyone will hate you!”. The animal means well. It’s so so small and everything is so scary for them and it’s just trying to protect you. But listen to me. Listen to me. Whenever this happens, you can’t do what the animal says. You can’t. If you do, you’ll become as scared as the animal. You have to keep saying weird shit. You have to keep doing things the animal wouldn’t approve of. If you do enough things that scare the animal, maybe one day it’ll go to sleep.

Huh! I believe I’ve accidentally found out what the whole deal with this new wave of porn bots is.

My dad told me a Queen Elizabeth x 9/11 combo joke but idk if it works in English

One thing about me is that I’m a guy who loves looking at pictures and images.

Almost blocked an actual person who followed me because they had the same First Name + Last Name + Three Random Numbers username formula those recent pornbots abide by. I went as far as going on their blog to block them, then I realized bots don’t usually reblog Captain America fanfic.

Does anyone remember the original trollface comic?

EDIT: Apparently the comic strip I added to this post isn’t the very first trollface comic, it’s the first time the trollface was edited into a different comic, which is to mean it’s the second! It’s definitely the funnier one of the two in my opinion, heh.

Neopets is so funny because it was created in 1999, it doesn’t allow users to change their usernames (apparently the code is entirely too ancient for that) and it’s genuinely a very pleasant game with tons of features beyond being just a simple virtual pet raising game that, due to being fully HTML based, will run pretty effortlessly basically anywhere with an internet connection and therefore has people that have been playing it for literal decades so you get active users with usernames that are a beautiful time capsule from the early 00s like noobslayer1337 and nsync_rox_my_sox and they’re both 35 and married with children.

WHAT DID THEY DO TO THE LITTLE GUY

In other news, I’ve started saying “well that’s showbiz babey!!!” in an obnoxious voice to myself every time I start thinking too hard about shitty stuff that happened to me in the past and it has a 90% success rate in making my brain go “hm well I suppose that IS showbiz” and stop dwelling on whatever it is.

I’ve seen some people here getting insanely up in arms about people tagging their posts as fictional characters and it’s like… that’s literally one of the most harmless things someone can do to your posts. Believe me.

I like how those Project Makeover ads started by showing the character looking kinda unkempt but now they show her straight up covered head to toe in mud