before every bitb episode from episode 2 onwards, me and jamie @oceans-swim hopped in a call 30 minutes before the drop to share our theories and/or general thoughts going into the episode. one of the ones i brought up last night was rand being the final girl.

earlier last week, we’d had a extensive conversation about how this was one of the worst case scenarios, at least for me. especially as rand divulged more information about his family, and his relationship with each one of them individually, i became increasingly worried of a scenario where he was left alone, without the resources or support network he has desperately needed since the beginning of the campaign.

for all that i think about her, i never once considered rachel being present at the end of the story.

i don’t think that rand and rachel will ever be able to heal fully from galloway. rachel was forced understand truths that no mind was prepared for, much less a barely teenage girl; rand has been forced to grow up, in a lot of ways, as bitb has run its course. i don’t think they will ever be able to lead normal lives, but i do think if they stay together, and i do think they will stay together, they can help one another live a fulfilling one. one that their friends would be proud of. one that makes them proud of themselves

journal entry: 11/22/2017, 5:43 PM

i woould like to go on the record and make a public apology to my support team. i.e. friends, family, etc. i have not been myself lately, i have not served as a good example for anyone other than my misery. 'woe the fuck is me' who am i? this state has been an embarrassing display of a self-loathing ingrate who fails to acknowledge the actual gold of his condition. glitter has blinded my vision and hindered the light from flooding through my blinds most days the clouds dont even show themselves to me yet theres this muggy look on my face lately as if i were the one with the real dilemmas i'll be honest and admit that most issues that i complain about come in the form ofa song thats been long outdated shit, i dont even know the words tomost songs now, yet im suppose to expect others to regard my word as something worth holdiing onto. I deleted my twitter today, i usually do so in times like this, but idk social media hasn't really been for me for awhile now, i need to get my life together theres this exert from Rick and Mort that is tickling me right now Morty: get your shit together, i don't care what you do with it, take it to the shit store or something. I dont care what you do with it but get it together... it went something like that, but im only taking in advice like that from here on out, who the fuck cares about your little problems man, people are seriously fearing for their lives on a daily basis worried about which direction a bomb might get dropped on them and im sad because im alone. i always said this world wasn't for me, but i got the biggest mouth that i know so maybe i should take advantage of that shit so someone with the same interest as my mother can help me put her in a really nice house that sh deserves, and a really clean ride that she's entitled to. man my friends put up with my bullshit so much, im so glad Wes called me to tell me that I was a bum ass nigga with that 'no challenge' shit because im real life taking this bum shit too seriously. im the only cat i know who tried to make an occupation out of being a fucking troll here, a PSA to all my niggas. Don't pick up the phone don't respond to me or none of that, not until i can show y'all something worth talking about. i'm over talking about sad shit some of these women had me convinced that they were the vain of my existence but actuality of the situation is i busted one too many nuts in some sheets that probably never got washed. so many people have said that i haven't been the same since i got back home, that shit is rolling up on three years bro. THREE FUCKING YEARS! the truth is i dont feel guilty anymore. women do such a good job at making you feel invaluable, but how bad am i suppose to feel thinking back at how many nights you crawled into my bed so you could keep warm at night? yeah im black, i got a big dick my nigga, but my heart cold ass fuck i aint giving no bitch no more hand outs, mark my words, the next time a shorty tryna see me, she gonna have to buy some shit out of my store because we on that now... I gotta go apologize to my mom, for making her sad and shit. I know this is informal but this is probably what people mean about me changing. I want to get back to that jazzy aesthetic because that that fly guy everybody can't get enough of ...I've been on that Thelonius Monk mental, but let me conjure up some Giant Steps that'll take me back to that Coltrane. God, thank you for friends who tell you how shitty you are on some 'no challenge' shit. let's get back to basics here, the interent is a joke, and will continue to be a joke under my own name. My rand is what will get me traffic, so until it's established, no one fuck with me. school is garbage but imma finish because my mom deserves to have a son to brag about , and i want to flaunt her off like thats GOLD! I love my friends, Kaya, Frijol, Ary my mentors Akeem and Asante, my Pops (especiacially) and my aunties, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters, fuck that nigga Kenneth, but thats enough hate. Y'all go be better than like 10 people you know, ya dig, cause im almost done cleaning my room and once it's actually tidy, it's a wrap!

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