im gonna start tryin to post about my au more since its taking up a LOT of space in my head

anyway her name here is Miss D cause yknow Mr. L variant plus it almost sounds like misdeed

01/26/2019

so much tea.

***to anyone who may stumble on this that i know irl (including my future self) i am aware that i am reading into many things and im not taking everything actually this seriously okay

SHINNS PARTY/THOUGHTS ON ANTHONY B4 throwback to a week ago, at shinn’s going away party. they told me to invite teresa and i said “i’ll see if she’s free” and then didnt invite her, bc 1) i like to be myself at parties and i cant be when i’m with her, and 2) i didnt want her to flirt with anthony :) at some point, anthony gave me his jacket, then i got warm later and took it off. at another point, josh gave me his jacket, and then i later gave it back too lol. also anthony is so sweet, i went over to sit by him to eat the macaroni tuna salad i made for erryone, but then the seat next to him was full, so he insisted i take his seat lol but in my head i was like um i want to just chat next to you but after he gave me his seat he left lmao. 

SHINN’S PARTY CONT (taking pics) then later we were taking group pics and anthony put his arm around me for a few, then he like realllllly put his arm around me. like i was wearing a crop top and so his hand wrapped around my waist was very sensual. i put my hand tight on his waist back (back as in he did it first, not as in on his back), but in hindsight i shouldve grabbed his and moved it tighter or something lol. we kept it like that for a few pics, and broke and then took more pics. josh thought he could do the same thing so he also put his arm sensually on me hahahahaha. in hindsight again, i should have moved his hand further lol. sitting on the couch he also was letting his leg touch mine, which i did not care about, but now i’m wondering if it meant something to him. 

THOUGHTS ON JOSH josh has done a few cringey things that i think are hilarious but i dont tell anyone lol, and idk if he’ll remember them and he’ll probably never bring them up. also i’m nice to him bc we’re FRIENDS so maybe he’s reading into that? i brought him cane’s post-his-birthday-throw-up bc im a good person and it was his birthday lol. i had told him how justin was always texting me and how i’d wait like hours to respond, and now josh is texting me about tamuhack and so maybe he’s reading into that bc im actually replying? which is because when i text justin, josh knows i wait, so maybe he thinks that since i’m not waiting im into him?? i don’t want him to get any wrong hints???? ugggghhhhh (also i could be reading into things myself, like when i thought he was asking me out so i rejected him but then he said it was supposed to be a group thing, to which madison thinks is bs and im pretty sure i do too. UGH I ALREADY TOLD HIM IM NOT INTO HIM. i’ve already pondered it for a while and decided no)

MY PICKUP SKILLZ in hindsight, apparently my current “moves” on anthony could be perceived as subtle, and adding him on snap and swiping up on shinn’s story of him playing guitar probs wasn’t enough.

in retrospect, i should just do what i want and stop caring about hurting people’s feelings. which is why i wanna openly flirt with anthony at shinn’s next coming back/going away party. this is my plan (imma reread it and be like that’s still too subtle): 

ideas: we should play beer pong, opposing teams then same team??? lots of high fives and maybe get touchy feely?? sit next to him on the couch?? ask him to walk me to my car -> thank him, maybe kiss him, maybe offer to “give him a ride home.” or if he goes home, ask whoever’s giving him a ride to also give me a ride, and drop off anthony first, then maybe i’ll stay ;)))). or if someone (josh) ALSO tags along to walk me to my car, i can drop off josh at his place and then go to anthony’s lol. ooh should we play never have i ever?

is anthony gonna reciprocate?? am i gonna get rejected?? what if he’s like “she’s drunk, she doesn’t really want it, i should wait till she’s sober

AT ACM MEETING josh was like “when are we gonna go shooting???” “you’re out of town this weekend lol” “but like when are you free???” “on the weekends lol” “so next weekend” “yes haha” then i talked to miggy.

miggy had messaged me earlier about teresa’s golf skillz. i asked him what made him think of it, then he said he was telling anthony about it earlier. (anthony’s into golf.) as someone else approached to talk to him/us, he whispered real quick, “is she single?” and i said yeah, but i didnt want to end the conversation!!! i am also single!!! i also think anthony is cute!!!

so convo got interrupted, then at some point, josh is bringing up shooting again, but i kinda end it and talk to miggy again. and i say, “sooo ummm about anthony.... well i am also single. and i also think he’s cute.” cue, “Adri?!?!?!? i didn’t know you were into younger guys?!?” and i don’t think i said anything (maybe “yeah?”) but i kinda made this face like “hmm never really thought about it?” then he comes close and he quietly basically says like “not in like a judgy way or anything, but are you the type to smash around?” and i again cannot remember what i said but it was like nodding my head and saying a hearty (confident?) “yeah” whatever that means!! but in my head i was like “yas i prefer it that way!!” and “bruh i literally graduate in 4 months.” and i was like “is that what he wants” and he was like “mm yeah?” i think, and i think i nodded??? i wish i could remember?????????? 

idk if josh heard any of that. but miggy probs is gonna tell anthony??? i haven’t told teresa any of this??? do u think miggy will tell josh??? maybe only if josh brings it up first, i am confident in miggy’s ability to shoot him down and be like “um nah fam” lol. 

what if he does that and josh doesn’t surrender? or if he gets mad??? um here’s my comeback if he ever casually brings it up lol. “remember when you introduced me to all your friends at litmas?? and you were like “that’s michael, he’s the one who blablabla. that’s so and so, and he blahblahblah. and now that’s anthony. anthony makes water wet.” and do you know what I think about when i think of anthony now lmao. 

miggy probably already told anthony that i’m into him (dtf) but that takes just a bit of the fun out of it. but that also makes it easier bc he’s also probs dtf?? idk??? miggy didn’t say anthony was into me explicitly???? 

wait does anthony have a car lol.