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d2kvirus · 3 years

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Dickheads of the Month: October 2020

As it seems that there are people who say or do things that are remarkably dickheaded yet somehow people try to make excuses for them or pretend it never happened, here is a collection of some of the dickheaded actions we saw in the month of October 2020 to make sure that they are never forgotten.

After months of the Tory government fucking up their response to the Covid pandemic you would think that they’d have some baseline of competence by now, but no, it turns out that the Test & Trace program they were so proud of was nothing more than an Excel spreadsheet - an Excel spreadsheet that lost the data of at least 16,000 people, while also begging the question how they spend £12bn of taxpayer’s money on an Excel spreadsheet, to which the answer is...they didn’t, it was existing software, they just pocketed the cash

It comes as no surprise that proven liar Boris Johnson puts the blame on the rising Covid numbers in the UK on the public - because it's definitely not been his master advisor breaking the lockdown rules to pop to Durham with his family after testing positive for Covid on what just so happened to be his wife’s birthday, not the Tory government changing the rules on masks when Michael Gove was spotted in Pret Manger without one, and definitely nothing to do with cases rising significantly within two weeks of the double whammy of the Tory government saying children “must” go back to school and people must go back to work as they can now be fired if they don’t. Definitely not their fault, Not at all...

The approach of the Tory government to Manchester being upgraded to Tier 3 boils down to initially promising to provide the fully-costed £60m package that Mayor of Manchester Andy Burnham requested, only to turn around and give them £20m instead and try and justify it by saying it boils down to £8 per head for the entire population. After all, if Burnham really wanted that money, he’d have been one of Dominic Cummings’ mates and completely unqualified for the job, as that’s the quickest way to open the purse strings as wide as he’d like

It was quite impressive that Margaret Ferrier came to the conclusion that, having tested positive for Covid while in London, obviously the best course of action would be to take a train journey 400 miles back to Scotland before self-isolating, because of course nobody else used that train

...although some of the Tory MPs criticising Ferrier really should have paused before commenting, mainly to check whether they were the ones vociferously defending Dominic Cummings for his 300 mile drive to Durham after testing positive or his subsequent drive to Bernard Castle to test his eyesight

Not only did the Tory government vote against giving free school meals to children a mere ten days after awarding Marcus Rashford an MBE for his work in trying to give underprivileged children free school meals, but they tried all manner of excuses to defend it best exemplified by Nicky Morgan saying she voted to let children starve because Angela Rayner called one of her parliamentary colleagues “scum”, while Twitter troll Ben Bradley claimed that people spent their free school meal vouchers in crack dens and brothels, before claiming he was “misquoted” - which is Tory code for “I have deleted that tweet, because I do not understand how screengrabs work”

Remember how Rishi Sunak has been presented as the human face of the Tory party? I have to ask, since he decided to yank £1000 a month from Universal Credit payments, and for some reason the “centrists” of Twitter who have been lionising him for several months have been oddly quiet

The batshittery of the Home Office has now extended to coming up with increasingly ludicrous plans to prevent migrants, with the latest bright idea of Priti Patel (and don’t pretend it was anyone else) being to have ships in the English Channel using pipes to blow air into the water that will create waves to send them back to France - as if a dinghy wouldn’t just steer around the ship, or that they wouldn’t make Calais and Sangat the best surfing destinations in northern France overnight

...and it got worse when we learned that Priti Patel was informed that a knife-wielding man stormed into the office of a migration solicitor spouting the exact same rhetoric and injured the receptionist, to which her response was to double down on the rhetoric as if she and proven liar Boris Johnson weren’t inciting violence at this point

...which makes smirking cretin Priti Patel issuing a statement expressing sadness at a couple of child migrants drowning in the English Channel about as sincere and reassuring as a card from Harold Shipman expressing sympathy for the death of an elderly relative

Not for the first time Keir Starmer managed to take all the focus off the Tories and onto the Labour party with his moronic approach to running his own party, namely by suspending Jeremy Corbyn for the crime of...hang on, he actually hasn't said what infraction Corbyn committed by responding to the EHRB report into antisemitism in the Labour party, but he suspended him anyway

...while Lisa Nandy supported this by using a blatant strawman argument saying “There are some on the left” who believe blatant anti semitic tropes...blatant anti semitic tropes that she invoked in the exact same sentence as her obvious strawman argument

Suspected rapist Brett Kavanaugh has been busy using legal loopholes to try and claim that votes in Wisconsin only count if they were tallied up on Election Day and no day past that. Because as we know, US Presidential Elections have often been straightforward affairs where both vote counts and recounts are always necessary, as Kavanaugh obviously remembers as he was working for George W Bush’s campaign in Florida after the 2000 election

How nice of the Tory government to use a parliamentary loophole to completely avoid allowing a vote on whether or not the UK should import chlorinated chicken, therefore enshrining both the importance of democracy and the importance of food safety standards - in the EU

Once again Keir Starmer seems to think “Opposition” means “Whip your MPs into abstaining”, this time on the Covert Human Intelligence Sources Bill, because as we all know letting legislation pass that absolves the police of any and all illegal activity is definitely going to win voters around

Good guy Rishi Sunak took the Tim Martin approach to worker relations by telling musicians to get another job if they were so worried about their finances - which not only ignores the fact that plenty of musicians do already have more than one job, but also begs the question why this same advice hasn’t been given to the landlords carping about rent holidays etc

Not only did The Sun blatantly lie by claiming a photo of Jeremy Corbyn taken at a wake was at a “posh dinner party” as obvious rage bait for their knuckle-dragging readership, but it has to be asked where they got the photos from as they weren’t shared publicly on Twitter or Instagram

...although the Freudian slip by the BBC when reporting the non-story, calling Corbyn “the Labour leader”, not only sums up just how shit they are at reporting facts these days, but also underlines he’s doing a better job of rattling the establishment’s cages than Keir Starmer has

Definitely not a conspiracy theorist Julia Halfwit Hartley-Brewer claimed that the government are combining Covid numbers and flu numbers so that they could...anyone got any idea what the point of making this up was?

Instead of keeping Robert Jenrick locked in a cupboard until the whole “Getting backhanders which influence who he gives property contracts to” thing goes away (spoilers: it won’t) instead they sent him out to justify £25m to a Jake Berry’s constituency - to which he said it was fine, as Jake Berry gave £25m to Jenrick’s constituency so there’s no reason to say anything dodgy is going on

For some strange reason Dominic Cummings doesn't have to face any charges for his failure to pay £30,000 worth of council tax on a property he also broke planning laws to have extended. Yes, there’s a reason I put this directly after the phases “Robert Jenrick” and “backhanders”...

The ridiculousness that is Liz Truss started the month proudly stating that post-Britait trade negotiations with the US would undermine Britsh farmers - and this wasn’t a flub, she genuinely meant to express this - and ended with the frankly baffling crowing from the Department of Trade about how “soya sauce” which was being sued by Great British Bake Off contestants would be cost the same post-departure thanks to the UK-Japan trade deal, which ignores the fact that most soy sauce is imported from China - also that paying zero tariffs on £100k of stilton being exported to a country with high lactose intolerance while Nissa, Toyota et al face no tariffs when importing tens of millions of pounds of cars a year is not what anyone should be calling a victory...unless they work for Nissan, Toyota et al, anyway

Convicted criminal Darren Grimes learned that there’s such a thing as “responsibility” when he learned that the police were investigating his interview with David Starkey for incitement of hatred, which could have easily been avoided if he was in any way competent or if he admitted he isn't a journalist - and of course, the usual voices of Toby Young, Laurence Fox and Julia Halfwit Hartley-Brewer all came running to his defence...and shut up when they were informed this ruling was introduced by Thatcher

Somebody should have explained to WWE that, when their move to ban their employees independent contractors from third party platforms such as Twitch already cast a remarkably negative light on their shady employment practices, they should ramp it up by demanding their employees independent contractors hand over those third party platforms and then out of the goodness of their hearts WWE would hand them a percentage of those earnings

As if Steve Baker describing himself as “the hard man of Britait” isn’t reason enough to include him, his demanding that the Church of England be disestablished if it doesn’t fall in line with their No Deal death cult certainly is

It has to be asked why Ross Clark saw Jacinda Ardern winning a a record mandate in the New Zealand elections so decided it was in his interests to write a Telegraph article claiming her Covid has been a disaster...you know, a country which currently has 0 cases and a total of 25 deaths since February. It’s almost as if the thought of a left-leaning leader who hasn’t had a disastrous response to Covid being rewarded by the electorate has Clark worried for some reason...

Professional victim Laurence Fox has identified the biggest problem in modern society: Sainsburys supporting Black History Month. Of course, it definitely wouldn’t be something like Laurence Fox calling anyone who disagrees with him a paedophile, that’s all part of a healthy society...

The latest idea of Tim Davie to make sure that BBC newsreaders remain compliant drones was to bring in a set of rules saying they are never allowed to state an opinion ever (no doubt aimed at Emily Maitlis, who did) and to ban that favourite buzzphrase of the right, any form of “virtue signalling” no matter how worthy the cause...except for wearing poppies, that’s still allowed, in spite being a clear example of this “virtue signalling” that Davie is banning

Complete and utter nutcase Dan Wootton is dangerous as well. That’s both the entry, and also a quote from Labour MP Chris Bryant in response to him banging on about herd immunity as if he's an expert and not The Sun’s showbiz bottom feeder who has been elevated for no logical reason

Once again Laura Kuenssberg is quoting anonymous “sources” critical of the Opposition - meaning she’s either not a very good journalist as she can’t even name her source, or she doesn’t have a source so she's a liar. Has anyone else noticed this is a regular occurrence with Kuenssberg yet?

How thoughtful of Manchester United and Liverpool to pitch a wonderful idea that the Premier League be reduced to eighteen teams, while also christening the concept with the definitely not Orwellian moniker of Project Big Picture under the guise of helping the Football League and not, say, easing their fixture lists by four league games per season. Of course, they’re volunteering to give up their Premier League places, aren’t they?

Once again Isabel Oakeshott just had to be on the wrong side of a story, this time howling in outrage that an anti-lockdown petition with 15,000 signatures is being ignored - signatures including Harold Shipman, Bernard Castle, Dominic Cummings of Bernard Castle, Dr Johnny Bananas, Dr Person Fakename, and last but by no means least, Dr Corona McCoronaface...

Former wrestler Joey Ryan is dealing with his wrestling career being over due to a wealth of allegations of him being a sexual abuser in the most healthy manner possible, namely filing lawsuits against literally anyone he can blame, be it the accusers, his former employers, or random people who call him out via social media

So far it appears Shaun Bailey is planning on winning the London Mayoral election with batshit promises to allow corporations to sponsor London Underground stations and change the names appropriately (which won’t be confusing for tourist guides...) and try and say that Sadiq Khan is at fault for fans not being allowed into football stadiums nationwide

Clueless grifter Tim Pool came up with a genius answer when asked why his “centrist” podcast only ever seems to have right-wing guests and that was to claim that his setup couldn’t handle remote interviews - which would make sense if a.) He hadn’t been saying how much money had been poured into his setup, b.) Zoom didn’t exist, and c.) We forget all the times he’s done remote interviews in the past

Your would think that Lars Sullivan would have learned to not potentially jeopardise WWE’s efforts to promote him after a combination of injury and also not mentioning him for months due to being a creepy bastard online, but no, as soon as he returned to TV he was being a creepy bastard to a yoga instructor - while using his official WWE Instagram account to be a creepy bastard

Not only did Alex Hutchison open himself up for criticism by outright stating that Twitch streamers can count themselves lucky that they don’t have to pay licensing fees to stream games and their careers would be over if they did, he also opened himself up for ridicule when his aforementioned idiotic statement led to Google seeing his Twitter bio and telling him that, no, he was not a lead designer for Stadia and needed to change that shit PDQ

Once again Arsenal showed their lack of understanding of juxtaposition, with them announcing their longtime mascot was being let go for cost-cutting measures - and then a few hours later announcing they’d signed a player with a £200k a week wage

Some faultless logic from Apple regarding the the iPhone 12: the box won’t include a charger or earbuds to reduce packaging...yet it cost the same as if it did, while also meaning people have to buy chargers and earbuds separately that requires far more packaging

To nobody’s surprise it’s clear that Kim Kardashian does need it explained to her that saying how haaaaaaaaaaaaaard it is to spend two weeks being screened and self-isolating so you can go to the private island for your birthday is galling most of the time, but outright disgusting during a global pandemic

Oh dear, it looks like Eric Trump tried being clever again asking how Joe Biden owns a house that’s worth $4m on his senator’s salary of $174k...only to be told that Biden bought the house for $185k, sold it in 1996, pays more than $750 in taxes and loves his son

And finally, testing positive for Covid, is Donald Trump - but he assures us that he is fine and definitely not a contamination risk having been pumped full of steroids and aborted foetus cells which are available to so many people, and definitely didn’t need a better Twitter password

#dickheads of the month

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aniallstory-blog · 7 years

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Chapter Two

Note: Thanks to everyone who liked or followed the blog after the first chapter! I decided to post another chapter to try and drum up some interest. Updates won’t always be this frequent because I only have twelve chapters written and don’t want to burn through them too quickly, but for now they might be more often. Enjoy! And let me know your thoughts!

By the time Niall woke up that afternoon it was almost dinner time. I'd laid with him for almost an hour, but since I wasn't jet lagged I quickly got restless and decided to do something more productive with my time before my tossing and turning woke Niall up.

I tidied up our house a bit and did some other mundane chores before popping a frozen lasagna in the oven. I'd just settled down in front of my laptop, sitting at the island where Niall had his face between my legs only hours before, when he walked in the room. My heart fluttered at the sight of him. He was wearing his joggers low on his hips as he rubbed his eyes sleepily, his hair still a mess from my hands and his nap.

“Somethin' smells good,” He mumbled, walking over and wrapping his arms around me as he leaned his head on my shoulder.

“It's lasagna,” I told him before spinning on the stool so I was facing him and stretching up to place a kiss on his lips. “I hope that's okay. I didn't know what you'd want or when you'd be awake.”

“Sounds perfect,” He smiled. “I'm starved.”

“Well you'll have to wait about half an hour still,” I said as I looked at the clock to double check my estimate.

“That's fine,” Niall shrugged as he wandered to the fridge and grabbed himself a beer. “So how's your dad doin'? Forgot to ask earlier.”

“He's fine,” I shrugged. “I only really stayed for an extra week before I had to come back for work. I think I worry more than he needs me to sometimes. I just know how hard the holidays are and he's all alone up there.”

“He's got yer aunt and yer grandparents,” Niall pointed out as he took a swig of his drink. “But s'nice ya take the time ta make sure he's okay.”

I shrugged again.

“It's no big deal, it's nice for me too,” I confessed. “My mum loved the holidays so much and always stressed how it was a time to be with family, makes me miss her more now she's not around.”

“I know, love,” Niall said sympathetically as he placed a kiss on the top of my head and sat on the stool next to me. “Are ya doin' alright?”

“I'm fine,” I assured him, reaching out to squeeze his hand. “Work was super hectic when I first got back as we changed over to our next exhibit for the new year so it forced me to get back to reality pretty quick.”

“And how is work?” He asked. “Still bein' overworked and underpaid?”

I smiled having had this conversation with Niall at least ten times already.

I worked for a small, privately owned art gallery in London as the assistant manager and the manager, Margie, was, for lack of a better work, a bitch. She was barely ever there, flitting in and out at her own convenience leaving me to do most of the work and when she was there she was rude and demanding. It was a great little gallery though and Darren, the owner, was wonderful, he just wasn't around very often which meant I was left dealing with Margie.

“It's the same as always,” I smiled. “But I don't mind, Ni. I like the work and I love that gallery. It's not about the money.”

“I know it's not about the money,” Niall agreed. “S'about gettin' credit and compensation for the work ya do.”

“I know. Maybe I'll talk to Darren the next time he's around, but he likes Margie so it probably won't make a difference.” I explained. “Besides, it's good exposure into the art world. I've been doing a lot of networking lately.”

Niall nodded, knowing that even if he wasn't happy with the situation pushing any farther would just lead to an argument as it had in the past.

“How's yer website comin' along?” He asked, changing the subject slightly.

“It's actually been doing really well!” I said excitedly.

Photography was my passion. I graduated last year, majoring in art history with a minor in photography and I loved it. I had an eye for it too, not to brag, but I was quite talented. It was a hard industry to break into though and I hadn't quite figured out where I fit. I wasn't a portrait type of photographer who did photo shoots or weddings, I was more into landscapes, cityscapes and that kind of thing. It was Niall who had suggested that I start a website where people could browse my photos and order prints if they wanted to. It was a great way to get my name out there and make a bit of money doing what I loved.

“I was just about to check what orders I need to print this week,” I explained. “But I've had quite a few requests already!”

“So proud of you, love,” Niall beamed.

“Thanks, Ni,” I smiled back. “They do seem to be a lot of One Direction fans though...”

“So?”

Niall bristled at my insinuation that there was something wrong with his fans so I hurried to explain myself.

“I don't mind,” I assured him. “It just makes it hard for me to know if people are buying my work because they like the pictures or because they like you.”

“M'sure that's not the case, Ava,” Niall insisted. “Me fans are mostly teenage girls or university age students. They don't have a lot of disposable income so if they're willin’ to spend what they have on yer work, s'because they like it. Not because of me.” He paused and sipped his beer, a smirk forming on his face. “Besides, most of 'em don't like ya anyway.”

I stuck out my tongue as he chuckled at his own joke, both of us knowing it wasn't true. Sure, he had fans that were jealous and unreasonable who hated my guts simply because I stole their 'Nialler' away from them, but for the most part his fans were happy that he was happy and didn't give me too much of a hard time.

“I guess you're right,” I conceded. “And it is getting my work spread all over the world, someone from Australia ordered one the other day!”

Niall's eyes lit up at my excitement.

“Ya deserve it, love. Ya really do.” He beamed proudly. “S'like I said at your graduation, you're headed for great things."

July 2015

“You'll do just fine,” Gemma assured me as she helped apply the finishing touches of my makeup. We were corralled in a room with all my fellow University of London graduates and I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack. “You've done the hard part anyway, hun.”

“I'd rather take a thousand exams than walk across that stage in front of all those people in these heels.” I informed her, lifting my gown to show off the five inch high shoes on my feet. “I'm going to fall and humiliate myself.”

“Then why did you wear such high heels?” Gemma asked, balancing my cap on my perfectly styled hair.

“They didn't have any shorter gowns,” I mumbled embarrassed by my short stature as I was barely 5'3” without shoes. “If I didn't wear shoes this high I would like a child drowning in an adult’s graduation gown.”

Gemma giggled and I shot her a dirty look, knowing she was picturing what that must look like.

“Sorry,” She apologized as she pulled herself together. “I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you I swear.”

“But I'm not laughing!”

My whiny tone only succeeded in drawing out more giggles from my older cousin and I couldn't help, but smile.

“You're going to be fine,” She repeated once she got her laughter under control. “We're all so proud of you and we still will be if you fall on your face which you won't.”

“Thanks...I think,” I smiled before taking a deep breath to calm my nerves. “Anyway, I think they're calling us to line up so I should go find my spot.”

“And I should go find the rest of your little posse,” She agreed, referring to my dad, Niall, Anne, Robin and Harry. “Good luck!”

I watched her walk back out to the rest of the families and quickly found my spot in the crowd of anxious and excited graduates.

Gemma had been right, as usual. I didn't fall and humiliate myself. I managed to walk gracefully across the stage to except my degree despite the distracting (and rather embarrassing) yells of “that's my girl!” and “we love you, Avery!” that came from the rowdy half of my fan club: my dad, Niall and Harry. They cheered louder than any one else's family and while my cheeks burned red at the time, I appreciated their support more than I could ever express.

The ceremony dragged by at a painfully boring speed. I almost dozed off at least three times and I definitely wasn't the only one. When it finally ended I quickly returned my gown before rushing off to find my family as fast as my heels would allow. As soon as they spotted me walking over to them the excited cheers started up again, drawing attention from all the other families nearby. My dad was the first to pull me into a hug once I reached the group.

“I'm so proud of you, AJ,” He choked out through his tears, using the nickname that most of my family used for me. “And your mum would be too. I'm sure she's smiling down on you right now.”

I teared up at my dad's comments, but blinked them back as I playfully pushed myself out of his arms.

“Don't cry, dad,” I teased. “God, you're so embarrassing.”

He rolled his eyes and I squeezed his hand, silently letting him know I appreciated his support before Niall pulled me away.

“Good job, Ava,” He breathed into my hair as he squeezed me so tight I thought I might burst. “Smartest girl I know.”

I smiled and wiggled back slightly so I could place a soft kiss on his lips, something that was much easier to do with my five inch height increase. When our kiss lingered a little too long, Harry as usual broke us up.

“Alright, alright, let the rest of us give ya a hug,” He demanded. “Then we can go get dinner.”

“For someone so skinny, you're always thinking about food,” I teased as I reluctantly wiggled myself out of Niall's arms and into Harry’s.

I went around letting the rest of my 'posse' give me a hug and accepting their congratulations before we all piled into our respective cars and headed to the restaurant. Niall had picked the place for tonight, wanting it to be a surprise for me and when we pulled up in front of a five star restaurant my jaw dropped.

“Niall!” I protested. “What are we doing here? This is probably the most expensive place in London.”

He shrugged, a smirk on his face.

“We're all dressed up anyway, love.” He pointed out. “Had to go somewhere nice. Besides, ya deserve to be spoiled today.”

I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Thank you,” I smiled. “And thank you for all your support. I couldn't have got this degree without you.”

“Don't be ridiculous,” He mumbled, his cheeks red from my compliment. “You're so bloody smart, ya would have been just fine without me.”

“That's not true,” I insisted as I quickly jumped out of the car before he could argue.

Dinner was perfect. The food was amazing as it should be for the price that it was and the beer and cocktails were flowing steadily. By the time we were done our celebrations a couple of hours later, it was safe to say we were all a bit more than tipsy.

“Well this wasn't the plan,” Anne laughed as she finished her fifth glass of wine. “We were supposed to be driving home tonight.”

“Ya can stay at mine,” Harry assured them before throwing his hands in the air and loudly exclaiming: “My house is big enough for everyone!”

I giggled as half the restaurant turned to look at my rambunctious, intoxicated cousin and Gemma swatted him on the back of the head.

“Should we ask for the bill? Is everyone finished?” My dad asked, looking around at all the empty plates and glasses on the table.

“Uh...” Niall cleared his throat looking sheepish. “I already took care of the bill.”

My eyes widened as everyone protested in shock. With the prices of this place and the large amount of food and drink we all had, the bill couldn't have been cheap.

“Ya didn't have t'do that, Nialler,” Harry told his friend, his brow furrowed.

“S'no big deal,” Niall shrugged.

Knowing there was no point in arguing there was a chorus of ‘thank yous’ before we all grabbed our coats and left the restaurant. We hailed down a few taxis as we discussed who was going with who until it was decided that Gemma was going home to her boyfriend and everyone else except Niall and I would be going with Harry. I offered for my dad to stay at our place, but Harry insisted (with a wink that made both Niall and I blush) that we have some time to ourselves to celebrate in our own way.

It wasn't until we were in the taxi about halfway home that I realized how drunk we both were. We spent the whole ride tangled up in each other, exchanging gentle, sweet kisses and I couldn't wait to get home so we could be alone.

Once we finally arrived, Niall paid the cab driver as I sauntered up the house. I'd barely gotten the door unlocked and stepped inside when Niall crept up behind me and swept me off my feet. I squealed and wrapped my arms around his neck to secure myself as he held me bridal style and kicked the door shut behind him. He got us up the stairs to our room in no time before dropping me on the bed and flopping on top of me.

“Niall,” I giggled. “You're smothering me!”

“Smothering ya with love,” He corrected. “'Cause I'm so fuckin' proud of ya.”

“So you've said,” I smiled, running my hand through his hair.

“I mean it, can't say it enough,” He insisted. “You're amazin', a real inspiration. Put in so much hard work, graduatin' with honours. You amaze me.” I blushed and pulled him down so I could bury my face in his neck. He took my silence as encouragement and continued his rant. “You're headed for such great things. Yer work ethic and determination are gonna take ya so far. Not to mention yer so fuckin' talented and passionate about what ya do. Don't forget about me when ya make it to the top, alright?”

I furrowed my brow and pulled back to look at him.

“I could never forget about you, Ni,” I assured him. “If I ever do make it to the top, which I highly doubt, it'll only be because I have you supporting me every step of the way. Seeing how hard you work on your music and the effort you put in for your fans is what pushes me harder. You motivate me every day with your passion for what you do.”

“Guess we make a pretty good team, huh?” Niall smiled as he leaned down to kiss me.

“The best,” I nodded before letting his mouth take over mine.

“Damn right,” He smirked as he pulled away, sliding his hands under my dress. “Now, I'm gonna show you just how proud I am of you.”

He shot me a cheeky wink before moving his way down my body to congratulate me in a way that only he could.

“I still mean every word I said that night,” He assured me. “You're amazin' at what ya do. S'barely been a year and a half since ya graduated and ya already have a successful website selling your work. Can't wait to see how accomplished you'll be in five years.”

My cheeks still flushed red at his praise even after all this time.

“It's still because of you,” I insisted. “You keep me motivated and believing in myself even when I get discouraged.”

Niall leaned over and kissed the tip of my nose making me giggled.

“S'becuase you're so wondeful and seein' ya get down on yourself breaks me heart,” He informed me. “Now, is that lasagna ready yet?”

I rolled my eyes playfully before getting off my stool and going to check on our dinner, feeling so grateful that I had someone like Niall in my life.

#niall horan #niall horan fanfiction #niall fic #niall horan fic #niall horan fan fiction #years&years

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thechasefiles · 6 years

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The Chase Files Daily Newscap 9/9/2018

Good MORNING #realdreamchasers! Here is The Chase Files Daily News Cap for Sunrday September 9th 2018. Remember you can read full articles by purchasing Sunday Sun Nation Newspaper (SS), via Barbados Today (BT) or Barbados Government Information Services (BGIS).

POLYCLINIC PUSHBACK – Government’s plan to open selected polyclinics around the clock is meeting with resistance from trade unions and organisations which represent nurses. The Sunday Sun understands that October 1, had been set as the date to have this system implemented at the David Thompson Polyclinic in Colleton, St John and the Winston Scott Polyclinic, in Jemmotts Lane, the City; but trade unions have told officials from the Ministry of Health and Wellness this cannot work, citing the critical shortage of staff, particularly nurses. A source close to the situation, who requested anonymity because he was not authorised to speak, said officials had first earmarked the Randall Phillips Polyclinic at Oistins, Christ Church, and the Winston Scott Polyclinic, both of which already have extended hours but the former has been deemed not suitable for a 24-hour operation. “There are several issues with Randall Phillips such as electrical wiring; mould and the physical environment is just not suitable, so they switched to the David Thompson Polyclinic but nurses are not too pleased about this – they are fuming,” the source said. (SS)

NEW BOARD APPOINTED AT NPC – The National Petroleum Corporation (NPC) has a new Board, which will be chaired by Dr Asquith Thompson. His deputy is Herbert Yearwood. The other members are: Richard Hughes, Janaye Burgess, Ricardo Blackman, Lachmi Connell, Sonya Alleyne, Neil Kirton, Nicole Puckerin, the General Secretary of the Barbados Workers’ Union or her nominee, the Permanent Secretary responsible for Finance in the Ministry of Finance, Economic Affairs and Investment, the Permanent Secretary in the Ministry of Energy and Water Resources and the Chairman of the Barbados National Oil Company Limited, or their nominees. The appointments took effect from July 1, and are for a period of three years. (BGIS)

HAITI – MINISTER REMOVED FROM NEW GOVERNMENT – Minister of Environment Osner Richard has been removed from office less than 48 hours after a new government was named in Haiti. Richard, who was appointed by presidential decree on Wednesday, was nominated by a consortium of political parties. The political parties have since named engineer Joseph Jouthe, a former technical director at the Office of Monetization of Development Assistance Programmes, to replace Richard pending its appointment in the official journal. He was removed from the Cabinet on the grounds of dual nationality. He is reported to be the holder of a United States passport. Prior to being named a minister, Richard had signed a document certifying that he had never given up his Haitian nationality. However, the Senate Commission, in analysing its documents, found that he held a US passport. Media reports said that Richard may be charged in court for making a false statement. The new government was named two months after prime minister Jack Guy Lafontant resigned following days of violent protests against rising fuel price. The unrest started after the government unveiled a proposal to remove fuel subsidies. At least four people were killed with shops and buildings burnt and looted. (BT)

FIANCÉE ROBBED OF SOULMATE – Today, Bernadette Greenidge is nursing a broken heart. Her soulmate of 14 years, and fiancé, Stephen Small died on Friday after being robbed and stabbed the previous day. “I can’t tell you how I feel. I haven’t got that feeling yet. To me, it’s still like a dream and I’m still just hoping,” a visibly shaken Greenidge told the Sunday Sun yesterday at the couple’s home in Henley, St John. “Everyone loved him . . . we still do. He’s like a dad, granddad. He was my best friend; he was my everything,” she later added. Bolstered by her supportive family, Greenidge said she met Small more than 18 years ago and was instantly smitten. Over the years, their growing friendship flourished into a relationship. (SS)

RUN OUT BY THIEVES – An Austrian man who made Barbados his home 33 years ago said he has been forced to flee his million-dollar house after being constantly hit by thieves for the past two years. Friedrich Trausnitzer, 74, who lived in an affluent and secluded St James neighbourhood, told the Sunday Sun thieves were invading his home almost daily stealing thousands of dollars, as well as household items. Frustrated and feeling as if he was getting no assistance from the police, the man, who lived alone, moved out of his house two weeks ago, taking his two dogs, because he feared for his life. He is renting an apartment for $1 600 a month and has posted a sign at his former home declaring he has no money. Trausnitzer is planning to put his house up for sale and possibly move back to Austria. (SS)

BARBADIAN MEN FOUND DEAD IN JAMAICA – Reports coming out of Jamaica say two Barbadian men have been found dead in the eastern parish of St Thomas. An article published by RJR Newssaid the bodies of Dario Yearwood and Daniel Griffiths were found in bushes in Woodbourne on Friday. “The men reportedly arrived in Jamaica on Wednesday close to midday and should have checked in at a Kingston hotel but never did. “Detectives who went to the murder scene recovered an identification card belonging to one of the men. Further checks with the immigration authorities on Saturday revealed that the men were Barbadian nationals,” the article said. The men’s bodies, which reportedly bore gunshot wounds, were discovered by a resident who went to tend to his cattle. (SS)

STABBED BRAZILIAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE STABLE, IN THERAPY – A front-running and far-right Brazilian presidential candidate began physical therapy on Saturday and remained in serious but stable condition after being stabbed during a campaign rally earlier this week, doctors and family members said. Congressman Jair Bolsonaro, who is unlikely to return to the campaign trail before the Oct. 7 first-round vote, was being fed intravenously but was in “good clinical condition,” according to a written statement from the Einstein hospital in Sao Paulo. The attack further complicates Brazil’s most unpredictable election in three decades. Corruption investigations have jailed scores of powerful businessmen and politicians in recent years, and alienated infuriated voters. Bolsonaro, 63, has for years angered many Brazilians with extreme statements on race, gender and sexual preference, but is also seen by his many supporters as a politically incorrect gust of fresh air in a broken system. Bolsonaro’s son, Flavio, on Saturday posted on his verified Twitter account a photo of his father wearing a blue hospital gown and sitting in a bedside chair with tubes coming from his arms and nose. The law-and-order candidate was making his trademark “guns up” gesture, with both his hands resembling pistols. Flavio wrote that his father was in physical therapy. Police have a suspect in custody and say only that they are continuing the investigation and that no clear motive was yet known, though the assailant told police he stabbed Bolsonaro on Thursday on “orders from God.” Surveys consistently give Bolsonaro, a member of the Social Liberal Party, around 22 percent in simulated first-round votes. However, those polls find he would badly lose to most rivals in the likely event of a runoff, which takes place if no candidate wins a majority in the first ballot. (SS)

KNIGHT RIDERS SEAL TOP-TWO FINISH WITH SIXTH STRAIGHT WIN – Trinbago Knight Riders guaranteed a top-two finish in the Hero Caribbean Premier League (CPL) with a nine-run victory over Barbados Tridents at Queen’s Park Oval last night. The defending champions are now sure of their place in Tuesday’s Playoff 1 in Guyana, with a second bite of the cherry in the semi-final should they need it. Having been put in to bat by the Tridents, the Knight Riders made an imposing 180/5 but will still feel they could have got more on a night when half of their stellar top six found run-scoring easy and the other half found life far tougher. Chris Lynn got things started with three successive boundaries in the opening over from the first three balls he faced, adding two Hero Maximums before being comprehensively yorked by Chemar Holder for a whirlwind 29 from just 10 balls. Denesh Ramdin then continued to thrive after his recent promotion to number three as the Knight Riders raced to 50 after just 3.3 overs. He struck five fours and two sixes in his 31-ball 51. And at the end of the innings Dwayne Bravo maintained his astonishing hitting form in this season’s Hero CPL with two more sixes and three fours in a cameo of 33 from 20 balls. It wasn’t so easy for everyone, though. In-form Colin Munro found life tougher than at any other time in the tournament. His 28 did take him to the highest ever run tally in a single Hero CPL season with potentially as many as four innings remaining but came at under a run a ball. Brendon McCullum, another mainstay of the Knight Riders’ batting this season, made just 4 from 6 balls before Darren Bravo contributed 20 not out from 24 at the death. Plenty of credit must go to the Tridents bowlers, who hauled things back impressively after Lynn and Ramdin had blasted the Knight Riders to 68/1 after the Power Play. The Knight Riders would have been looking well north of 200 having reached 104/1 at halfway, so 180/5 represented a result for the Tridents. Leg-spinner Imran Khan was excellent in claiming 2/25 from his four overs with the big wickets of Munro and Ramdin to his name, while Mohammad Irfan kept things tight amid the carnage at the start and end of the innings to give up just 28 from his four. The 180 would just about prove sufficient, though, despite a game attempt from an inexperienced Tridents top-order missing Hashim Amla, Steve Smith and Martin Guptill through injury. It was spin that proved the Tridents’ undoing with leg-spinner Fawad Ahmed bowling openers Sunny Sohal and Tion Webster with a pair of googlies after a solid opening stand, and returning to have Shai Hope stumped for 26 in his final over to finish with 3/28. Tridents keeper-batsman Nicholas Pooran further enhanced his growing reputation with 44 from 32 balls, including back-to-back sixes to put a slight dent in Fawad Ahmed’s figures, and when he combined with his skipper Jason Holder to put together a 50-run stand in quick time for the fourth wicket there was a growing chance of Barbados pulling off an upset. But Pooran was brilliantly run out by Dwayne Bravo’s direct hit from cover before Holder was caught in the deep off Ali Khan – who took punishment with the new ball but returned to bowl a brilliant, decisive 19th over that brought that wicket and cost just four runs - condemning the Tridents to a seventh straight defeat to end their 2018 campaign. For the Knight Riders, though, it’s a sixth straight win in a season they will hope is far from done yet. (CPL) Upcoming Fixtures: Saturday 8 September – Guyana Amazon Warriors v Jamaica Tallawahs (8pm), Providence Stadium Sunday 9 September – Guyana Amazon Warriors v Trinbago Knight Riders (6pm), Providence Stadium. (SS)

SOUTH AFRICAN ATTEMPTING TO SWIM AROUND BARBADOS – South African Cameron Bellamy has been on the water for almost 20 hours as he attempts to become the first person to swim around Barbados. Just before 3 p.m. today, he passed Barclays Park after a tough stint along the south-eastern part of the island. "The south-east was difficult,” said volunteer Kristina Evelyn who is handling logistics and communications. “He had to swim a little farther out than he expected because the waves were hitting on the cliffs and then the backwash, it was too choppy. He was not moving forward as he should, so he had to swim out farther to get away from the cliffs. And there was quite a lot of current. “He knew that was going to be his toughest place, so he was quite tired by the time he got to Consett Bay, but after Consett Bay he was going with the current, so then it became a little bit easier.” Bellamy has already swum further than anyone who attempted this challenge. Evelyn is also coordinating the shifts on the support boat. She said currently, there are two medics, two observers, two kayakers/feeders, the captain and two co-pilots. Bellamy is taking on fluid every 30 minutes and eats every hour. He left Pebbles Beach last night around 7 o’clock and is expected to land tomorrow morning, once all goes well. His progress in the water can be tracked at https://track.rs/cameron Bellamy is raising funds for Variety The Children's Charity and Brightwater Kids. (SS)

OSAKA CLAIMS US OPEN TITLE AFTER SERENA MELTDOWN – Naomi Osaka became Japan’s first ever Grand Slam champion after she thumped a raging Serena Williams 6-2 6-4 in a controversial US Open final on Saturday, with the American suffering a meltdown after being handed a game penalty. With Osaka in control of the match, chair umpire Carlos Ramos sent Williams into a rage when he handed the 23-time Grand Slam champion a game penalty for a string of bad behaviour, including a coaching violation and verbal and racket abuse. Williams then launched a verbal attack on Ramos, demanding everything from an apology to accusing him of being a thief. The game penalty put Osaka 5-3 up in second set and the 20-year-old Japanese kept her cool to pull off a historic win. (SS)

For daily or breaking news reports follow us on Instagram, Tumblr, Twitter & Facebook. That’s all for today folks. There are 114 days left in the year. Shalom! #thechasefilesdailynewscap #thechasefiles# dailynewscapsbythechasefiles

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d2kvirus · 3 years

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Dickheads of the Month: February 2021

As it seems that there are people who say or do things that are remarkably dickheaded yet somehow people try to make excuses for them or pretend it never happened, here is a collection of some of the dickheaded actions we saw in the month of February 2021 to make sure that they are never forgotten.

Let it not be said that Republican senators know what is best for their country. And what is best for their country? Putting their party ahead of the country, because it’s far more important to show the country that Republicans stick with one of their own even when “one of their own” isn’t one of their own but stood on a Republican ticket, even though they just so happened to incite a riot at the Capitol having lost on said Republican ticket

The High Court ruled that Matt Hancock acted unlawfully when doling out contract after contract to his mates no matter how unqualified they are, and not only did he not resign, but we had the BBC burying the story with as little a mention as they could get away with when it broke while Keir Starmer said he did not believe the public wanted to see Hancock resign. Gee, I wonder why the UK is so fucked up?

...and then Matt Hancock went one further by saying that the British public should be thanking him, because apparently we should be grateful for 130,000 dead, his mates making off like bandits on lucrative contracts, multiple spikes in death rates due to gross incompetence by him and his bosses, and him gaslighting the public by saying there was never a PPE shortage while telling the public they should be thanking the greedy, useless, sociopathic cunt

It appears that Dido Harding is the only person on earth who is unaware that viruses mutate. That sound you just heard was the collective screaming of every biologist, virologist and epidemiologist on earth screaming in unison at the combination of her making such a profoundly moronic statement as if it was an adequate defence, and the fact she was not only given £10bn to be in charge of Serco’s test & trace but is spending £1000 a day on consultants fees in spite having less knowledge of how viruses work than a peanut

Remember how Keir Starmer said he’d unite the Labour party? I have to ask, as it appears that Starmer has forgotten about that considering all three candidates for the Liverpool mayoral election were dropped from the ballot without any reasoning given short of some vague and meaningless wording of a vague and meaningless statement, something which Starmer has been issuing a lot of lately

Smirking bully Priti Patel seems to have finally cottoned onto the fact her role is to allow boneheads to point to the one non-white person who agrees with them and claim that means everyone agrees with their boneheaded views, which she demonstrated by making some patently absurd comments about the Blame Lives Matter movement while moaning about footballers taking the knee before every match - which no doubt had at least sixteen people named Gary tweeting in support of her within the hour

The fact that several LAPD officers decided that the discussion about both police brutality and endemic racism in policing wouldn’t get in the way of their being a bunch of edgelords and send valentine’s cards mocking the murder of George Floyd in the most twattish way imaginable sums up exactly why the “orL lYfeS mAttUH” knobheads are so far wide of the mark that they don’t even know what the fucking mark is

So the defence which Anne Sacoolas gave in the inquest into the death of Harry Dunn was that she worked for US intelligence, which somehow justifies driving over the speed limit on the wrong side of the road, before legging it out of the country at the earliest opportunity - with the full support of the UK government to make sure she got out of the country

Similarly, apparently it did not occur to Gina Carano that tweeting out all manner of batshittery, culminating with her saying that being a Republican in 2021 America is like being a Jew in Nazi Germany, is the sort of thing that has repercussions for your career. Such as getting fired from your high profile acting gig while also having your agency drop you like an ice cold turd

Something which escaped the Tory government during their joyous pronouncement that the R number for Covid has dropped below 1 for the first time since July 2020: in doing so, they not only revealed that they pushed ahead with numerous plans, such as getting children back into school, removing employment protections for people who didn’t feel safe trudging into the office, and bribing people into restaurants with a £10 voucher when they were fully aware that the R number was above 1 - which, of course, was also missed by the supposed journalists at the BBC when joyously pronouncing the R number was below 1 for the first time since July 2020

It’s reasonably clear that Ted Cruz isn’t a champion of self-awareness, what with his response to Texas being hit with heavy snowfall and widespread power outages at the exact same time by legging it to Cancun (during a pandemic...) without realising how that made him look and sound remarkably like Mayor Quimby from The Simpsons - and he abandoned his poodle at home to do so

...and sticking with Texas, the image of Fred Meyer posting armed guards outside of their stores to prevent people from taking the produce that the store had dumped outside was one for the Capitalism family photo album

...just as Texas’ power outages led to Tucker Carson trying to blame wind turbines for the outages in spite of the fact wind turbines provide less than 15% of Texas’ power, meaning that Carlson found an entirely new way to blame minorities for problems

While it was incredible to see the ERG doing something that could be classified as research for the first time since their formation in 1992, their “research” involved them demanding that Westminster scrap Article 16 of the Northern Ireland Protocol - the same Article 16 of the Northern Ireland Protocol which every single member of the ERG voted for last year

Professional victim Rachel Riley came under such a vile and sustained attack when she gleefully claimed that Aaron Bastani has finally been booted out of Labour - a claim that would have a crumb of credibility if it wasn't for the fact that Bastani willingly cancelled his Labour membership a year or so ago

How nice of Oliver Dowden to put forward the idea of all British universities installing a Free Speech Champion, whose role is to shout down criticism of Britain’s less than savoury past because statues of slave traders need to stay up because statues have more rights than people these days

It was remarkable how Andrew Neil managed to spell out exactly how the media have aided and abetted the right‘s bastardisation of the word “woke” into an insult of its original meaning - and somehow failed to notice that is exactly what he was doing as he was tweeting it

The journalistic integrity of Sarah Smith took an absolute battering when she claimed in a report on the story of Nicola Sturgeon and ministerial code - a story which the BBC are giving so much more coverage to compared to the seconds they gave to Matt Hancock being found to have acted unlawfully, by the way - when she stated that Alec Salmond asked for Sturgeon’s resignation. Except that simply is not true, as Salmond never asked for that, which makes it look uncannily like the BBC have the knives out for Sturgeon because Scottish lady made BoJo look bad

Man of the British people Richard Littlejohn chimed in from his gated community in Florida claiming that a statue of Captain Tom Moore that currently does not exist would soon be pulled down by BLM protesters that he has made up, which definitely doesn’t read like sixteen different kinds of bollocks to preach to the pig ignorant converted among the Daily Mail’s readership who lack the common sense to ask questions such as “Hang on, are you comparing Captain Tom to a slave trader?”

There was little surprise that The Sun responded to Harry & Megan announcing their pregnancy by trying to say that they’re hiPpPKritZ for wanting privacy yet telling the world that they’re expecting a child, almost as if they cannot understand that the couple being bullied out of the country by both press intrusion and a particularly nasty whispering campaign led by The Sun among others is what they meant when they said they wanted privacy - which seems to be the case given how many articles thundering the same line were vomited forth in the days immediately afterwards

Convicted criminal Darren Grimes didn’t seem to notice how sinister his statement (if a passive aggressive shittweet counts as a statement, which in Grimes’ world it certainly does) about BAME voters being able to vote in “our elections” actually sounded, did he?

Amidst the accolades Andrew Butler and James Wilson have been getting for their short film Keratin, there was one dissenting voice: artist Adam Ellis, who wrote the short comic Super Chill, which Butler and Wilson plagiarised and only informed Ellis when the film was already doing the festival circuit where they asked him to promote a work that ripped off his book in spite neither asking permission nor informing him beforehand, nor did they give Ellis a single credit

There was absolutely nothing normal about how Eddie Marsan lead a particularly vicious pile-on which Ian Austin and Steven Pollard were among those who joined in, all because somebody said that It’s A Sin was let down by Tracy Ann Oberman being in the cast, which naturally must mean this one person is an antisemite who must have dozens of people dogpile onto them in a short space of time while also revealing just how insane Gnasher’s pack have gotten if they now consider a person being a Liverpool fan as one of their red flags for rampant antisemitism

Apparently nobody had the conversation with TJ Ducklo that consists of saying that threatening to “destroy” journalists is not a good look, judging by TJ Ducklo threatening to destroy Politico reporter Tara Palmeri

Waffling gargoyle Nigel Farage demanded that the EU Human Rights Act be scrapped. Luckily for Nige, there is no longer an EU Human Rights Act so he can claim “victory” - although the fact there wasn’t an EU Human Rights Act during the video he posted demanding it be scrapped, or at any point in history before he posted the video demanding it be scrapped, he’s either lacking in any form of knowledge about the EU whatsoever or is banking on clueless boneheads who have no knowledge of the EU so believe that Acts which don’t exist should be scrapped because waffling gargoyle Nigel Farage said so

Has it occurred to Piers Corbyn that doing things such as comparing lockdown to Auschwitz, and distributing leaflets saying exactly that, is monumentally knobheaded? Hang on, let me check...no, he hasn’t realised that doing so is monumentally knobheaded, what with him doing precisely that

Something possessed Lauren Boebert to sit in on a Zoom meeting with three assault rifles and a GLOCK precariously balanced on the shelves behind her, somehow failing to notice that not only did it look completely deranged - especially if a spot of light dusting could lead to her unintentionally shooting the neighbours on both sides of her house - but the assault rifle on the bookshelf aesthetic has already been done by Osama bin-Laden

The oppressed underclass that are Manchester United fans once again responded to their team dropping points by racially abusing one of their own players on social media, with Axel Tuanzebe once again bearing the brunt of it after their 3-3 draw with Everton

Good to see that Gab are on the grift again with their free speech device, a device which guaranteed free speech by blocking cable channels that people who still use Gab (or rushed back there after Parler got iced) don’t agree with, because nothing says “free speech” like blocking differing viewpoints

There comes a point where you hope Julia Halfwit Hartley Brewer puts her foot down and tells her paymasters she’s had enough of making moronic statements posed as a question for people dumb enough to agree with the moronic statement, but clearly it wasn’t when she was told that her response to the Perseverance rover landing on Mars should be asking why we can send a probe to Mars yet not visit our neighbours, which is moronic even by the usual bilge she's told to throw out into the world by her paymasters

Hearing PS5 scalpers whine and complain that they are disrespected, and using some patently absurd arguments to defend themselves such as saying they’re simply supermarkets - as if they haven’t emptied said supermarkets of their stocks of PS5s before they even made it to shelves - really sums up how human garbage may have gained sentience, but it hasn’t gained self-awareness

Did it really not occur to DJ Tiiny that his telling record producers that their artists would get on his radio show as long as they bunged him £200 might come out at some point? Because guess what? It came out that DJ Tiiny was telling record producers that he could guarantee airtime for their artists if they bunged him £200

Occasional wrestler Austin Aries reminded us why the “occasional” part is relevant, as he decided to do a signing without masks where he signed tinfoil hats for the Covid Truthers who came to reward him for finding a career where he doesn’t have a track record of burning bridges with the entire industry

And finally, screaming and screaming until he is sick, is Donald Trump throwing a tantrum and quitting the Screen Actors Guild approximately ten minutes before he was expelled for that whole encouraging-white-terrorism-to-storm-the-Capitol thing back in January

#dickheads of the month

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