#pgsm ep 23
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DO WE WANT 2,200 WORDS ON REI’S PERSONAL GROWTH IN EPISODE 23 GOD I HOPE SO
So one of the things that comes up over the course of these four episodes is Rei and her personal growth as manifested through her Senshi power. This also comes up in earlier episodes, so I’ll be drawing from them a little bit, too. (Also Minako being a manipulative troll)
Rei is a pretty standoffish and grumpy member of the Senshi, and I really love that PGSM gives her the space to be that. She’s been working on a lot of this youma stuff alone, because that’s how Rei is used to doing things: Alone. She’s spent most of her life alone, and life has taught her that to rely on anyone is a mistake. It takes time to unlearn that, and I really appreciate that PGSM allows her the time for that.
Usagi powered up in the last episode by learning the shocking truth that she can be really fucking selfish and self-centered, and I love that it works as an aspect of her power but not Ami’s evil, because apologizing is one thing, but that doens’t make everything right, right away. Why should it? And so we have the genius of “Fuck your friendship mittens” even though USagi’s power-up magically heals the mittens as well just to remind us all that we are in a Sailor Moon joint ANYWAY, this is about Rei, and how Rei needs to grow.
Rei’s problems aren’t are the same as Usagi’s and it’s a mark of the quality of PGSM that it allows each of the girls to go through their own growth in order to power-up. It’s not just a leveling up, it's a better understanding of how to be a team member, the ways in which each of them can greater contribute to the whole. It’s an important part of teamwork that I think gets glossed over oftentimes, that to really be in harmony with each other we have to change the ways we’ve done things. If you do this portrayed in media, it’s generally only in a romantic setting. The idea of a group of magical girls having to grow and change to fit each other isn’t that common.
Admittedly the title of this episode is a little fucking crackers, even more so when you consider that it is in fact literally what happens here: Rei sings to get her power-up. That’s nuts. That’s wild. Why am I holding this up as a paragon of character development? Because, as with all crackers things that actually work, it’s not about Rei singing at all. It’s about her learning important object lessons that the leader of the senshi has to convey through on the ground knowledge, because Rei won’t fucking listen to a thing she says.
(It’s actually hilarious how little the senshi listen to her given that they think she’s the actual fucking princess. Rei wouldn’t go after the youma, Usagi wouldn’t fight Ami, like I need PGSM background that’s just Mina swearing about how SHE IS LITERALLY THEIR SUPERIOR WHY DID I EVEN BOTHER WITH THE TOY R US CROWN IF THIS IS WHAT I’M GETTING)
And admittedly, this first lesson I’m about to point out is the less important one, but it is the more hilarious one: Mina told Rei to leave her the fuck alone and she won’t. The fun way of thinking about this is that Mina knows Rei has feelings for her even if Rei doesn’t quite know that yet because our darling and beloved Rei hino is a little bit of a repressed sunflower. Mina knew that Rei would, in no way, listen to Mina or keep her promise to leave Mina alone and stop following her. Mina knows a dumb lesbian when she sees one, and she can see the writing on the wall, but if at least for this moment, she can teach her: Fucking listen to me.
Now the less fun way (for most of us, but not for my evil ass) is to remember that MINA IS GOING TO DIE. She knows this. No one else knows this. Mina has a vested interest in getting everyone’s shit together before she fucking dies, and has no interest in anyone’s pity. For all she knew Rei was never going to listen to her, no way no how, there has to be a small part of her that hoped Rei would. Because Rei getting closer to her is a mistake, no matter how much Rei wants it. Mina is distant for a reason. There’s no benefit in letting anyone get close to her when she knows that her Narratively Convenient Illness is going to claim her sooner rather than later, and I admit that I LOVE THIS SHIT. People covering up their illnesses to try to spare those around them is a trope I fucking feast upon like a fat Roman emperor with a grape. However annoyed I get with the conclusion to this whole fiasco, AND I DO, I love that I got a little bit of this delicious angst.
That isn’t to say that MIna really spends a lot of time beating around the motherfucking bush
The absolute shade that she has going on here, the way she says “that sure surprised me” and Rei of course takes it personally from Mina in a way that I’m not sure I think she would from anyone else, because she respects Mina in a way she doesn’t anyone els eon beyond her being “the princess” A lot of people wonder where I get this idea about Mina being the leader and specifically Rei being the second in command, and it’s pretty much here in PGSM that all of that arises from, although given my general feelings on Rei I admit it may have come of its own accord eventually.
Rei takes that role as leader so seriously, and she feels in her heart that’s why she’s a fuckup, because fucking USAGI powered up before her, before any of them, and how is she meant to be leader, when she’s failing so hard? Her immediate lead in for Rei is that Mina will think her shameful, that she should say Rei is shameful, and you know what? Mina fucking does it, ebcause she does not have time for this shit and she is not here pat heads and make everyone feel better. She’s working on a tight timeline, and I LOVE that she doesn’t hesitate before saying “Yes, I was going to say that you’re shameful, actually.” And then she points tot he fact that awakening is a problem of the heart (which is what we’re going to get into with what she needs to learn) and without telling her what she’s lacking as leader, simply tells her that, she is lacking.
Mina’s not going to leave her to twist in the wind here, even if it feels like it--her grand plan for Rei Hino with all of this is coming down the hallway just shortly--but I like that she doesn’t spoonfeed the answer of “You can’t do all this shit alone (she said, doing everything alone, Mina you hypocrite) and you have to learn to ask for help. That’s how you become leader” because Rei wouldn’t learn anything from that. Rei reacts to asking for help like a cat to a fucking spray bottle. She wants nothing to do with it, and while, yes, this is a bit of goofy way to cast the idea she can trust her team and ask them for help, I think it still manages to be effective.
AND THERE IT IS, HER MASTER PLAN. This is particularly hilarious given the fact that we know Rei fucking hates karaoke, and so maybe that particular aspect of it isn’t exactly for Rei’s edification so much as MIna’s amusement, but there we are.
AHAHHAHAAH oh Mina how I fucking adore you.
Anyway, Rei goes to go sulk in the batcave over Mina’s challenge, is beleagured and thrown to the ground in a definitely unnecessary and highly dramatic sense, and then, the worst thing that could ever happen, happens. SHE IS FORCED TO ASK FOR HELP.
I want to give full credit to the actress who plays Rei here, because she makes the absolute awkwardness of this, the way this is like pulling teeth for Rei, so clear. This is the Fareeha Amari experience of asking for help. Usagi is the only person she knows that can help her with this, because I feel like mad karaoke skills don’t necessarily get a lot of play over at the shrine, and you can tell this is just killing her. She never expected to have to ask this kind of help from anyone, let alone Usagi, who is immediately thrilled and runs to her aid. (It must also be noted that Rei stays in this exact dramatic position on the floor until Usagi gets there, Rei, my god, please, you lesbian bowl of porridge, Mina is not wrong and you desperately need to pull it together)
Even when Usagi gets there, her body language is so stilted and uncomfortable, this is so foreign and almost frightening to her, which was pretty much exactly Mina’s point: It’s easy for Rei to fight, easy for her to curse, but it isn’t easy for her to put herself in a place of vulnerability, in a place where someone can say no or otherwise reject her, leave her out on her own, which we all know Usaig as no intention of doing, which was also, I think, why Mina chose this exact mode of torment. She’s setting Rei up for success.
Rei expects so much of herself at all times, and is so used to being alone in the world, and its really very striking the way she reacts to this entire thing. Rei, you’re singing for children not letting someone die on the battlefield.
But of course we get around to the day, and Usagi gives her what I think Mina always knew she would, the reassurance that not only would Usaig help her, but that Usagi genuinely wanted to and enjoyed helping her, and also that it brought them together as a team. Usagi knows, really for the first time with Rei, that she’s trusted, that they are doing this together, and it reaches Rei, too, in such a way that we actually see her tear up:
I’ve thought about this a lot over the times I’ve seen this episode, but I think what I finally land on for Rei and her tears is that sense that she’s been holding back so much aand being so strong for so much of her life, and maybe, just maybe, she doesn’t actually have to be literally all of the time. Maybe she’s allowed to get help, and to face things with people who care about her, and this is something she’s been able to do on the battlefield, but really not translate into her real life, and here Usagi and Mina have really woked ina tandem that Usagi didn’t even know was happening to show Rei that her life is not just her own, and that she matters and that when you have a real team, help is expected.
And then rei sings a deeply overserious song for a group of seven year olds but I will get into that in detail next post.
ANd then that trust is immediately reciprocated by Usagi, who goes to fight the youma on her own and simply mouths to Rei that she will go on ahead and Rei can come afterwards. It isn’t as if Rei has ever particularly been unrelaiable in a fight, but I think given the exchange they just had, there’s definitely a sense of it having greater weight here, where Usagi would be delighted and surprised when Sailor Mars shows up. She knows she can trust her, and Rei knows that she is trusted, and that they are part of a far greater web than she ever assumed was possible in her life.
And with that, in the battle:
The deal with PGSM is that there are largely your finest cheapest MS paint special effects, and none of us really care because the senshi are people. BUt even with the finest cheapest effects the emotional impact of this moment really hits. It’s done in slow motion, and you can really see on her face the realization that her power has grown within her, that she has known grown as a person and as a soldier, and there’s this look of competence and of self-assurance that runs through her every movement. It’s just something that was shot and done in a really compelling way, and given that this whole episode has really been devoted to Rei’s growth (with a mamoru B-plot, to extra assure we don’t care about anything else) I’m glad they gave it the emotional gravitas it deserved.
MIna, as ever, gives her effusive praise, immmediately after saying “But there’s a lot more you have to do.” this inclusion is only for me to profess my love for her and that’s all I’m sorry. And also for Rei to finally get what I’ve taken over 2,000 words to say.
And then the most perfect ending to an episode ever, Rei re-asserting that she is still the same grumpy gus, and just because she trusts Usagi doesn’t mean she’s going to put up with the horseshit Usagi loves. THERE IS TRUST BUT NEVER KARAOKE >:(
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Thanks for the tips @widowsresolve!
I am pretty good at proofreading on my own, but it would probably still be good to get a beta reader to read it anyway. I'm a perfectionist.
About the PGSM ideas: thanks! The Naru one was apparently initially inspired by a "write about Naru" fanfic prompt on the sailormoonfans LiveJournal community. (Before I joined Tumblr, Blogger and LiveJournal were my jam). Based on that linked post, I was considering a number of angles for the story and ultimately decided on the "impact on their friendship" idea. Unfortunately, the timing of it (from Act 42 onward) requires Naru to be unconscious a lot to be canon, which makes writing from her POV difficult.
Not sure where the other ideas came from. The initial couple fics are based on Final Act and Special Act respectively and are called "PGSM Another Ending," probably in homage to the Sailor Moon: Another Story video game. The plots so far are as follows:
PGSM Another Ending: Final Act
Tuxedo Kamen is dead, and the very shock of it is enough to transform Usagi into the dangerous Princess Sailor Moon. Only Sailors Mercury, Mars, and Jupiter can save her, and will need to unlock an even greater power to stand any chance. Usagi also must struggle within herself to avoid destroying the world in her grief at Mamoru's death. Can Sailor Moon be saved, or is it too late?
(The "even greater power" would be their Crystal Power/Super forms, probably)
PGSM Another Ending: Special Act
In this sequel to PGSM Another Ending: Final Act, it's now four years later, and Usagi and friends have gone their separate ways. Ami is in med school in America, Rei is training in the mountains of Kyoto, Makoto is dating Motoki and is working to open a florist shop, and a now-revived Minako is back in the idol business. And Usagi? She and Mamoru are about to get married!
But before they can, Mio returns and tries to drive a wedge between the couple. Except this time, the girls can't transform, since Usagi used up the Silver Crystal defeating Beryl and reviving Mamoru and Minako. In the meantime, the Shitennou have revived -- as good guys this time -- and Ami feels her feelings for Nephirite reigniting, while Zoisite shows interest in Minako. Jadeite has no luck with Rei, and Kunzite doesn't even bother. [Or maybe he goes after Ami too?]
But romance will have to wait, now that Mio has returned -- but how will the girls be able to defeat her without their powers? Or is there a way to get them back?
(The second one I guess assumes that the Final Act one will end with a more traditional Serenity vs Beryl confrontation, and that Usagi will revive Mamoru and Minako with the Silver Crystal, and things will go on perhaps minus the time reset seen at the end of Final Act. Also has some Senshi x Shitennou ship stuff)
The "Star Power Stories," the ones about the girls awakening their Star Power henshins, are less developed in plot right now. They are pretty much based on the relevant eps for Usagi (Act 22), Ami (Act 29), Rei (Act 23), and Makoto (Act 31). Minako's story, called "Aino Minako Must Live," is a combo of Acts 40, 45, and 46, combining the "Minako wants to quit being an idol" plot of Act 40 with her character development in Acts 45 and 46.
So those ones need some work, and as I haven't seen PGSM in a while I may need to rewatch it. I did recently find the beginning of a story from Usagi's POV in a notebook of exercises from a book about writing, which is just Usagi waking up late for school again and seems to be set shortly after Venus's initial reveal in Act 12. Not sure if that'll become its own story or be integrated into something else though.
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Talk about Rei's emo song, (titled Sakura Fubuki)
Sakura Fubuki, or, Cherry Blossom Storm, or, Rei is Very Vay and Also Needs to Fucking Chill
So this is the song Rei sings in episode 23 of PGSM, when she has to put on a mini-concert for the hospitalized children and learn a very valuable lesson about herself. WHile I was watching this I noted how...not light and fun, the lyrics were, and with the encouragement of my patrons, I decided to take it apart. Obviously thi spoke to Rei ins some way as she was going through stacks and stacks of Usagi’s karaoke books (another hilarious in-universe thing is that she’s performing this concert as Reiko Mars, but literally she has just stolen a published song, my god)
I used three translations to try and construct what made the most sense from an adaptation standpoint, but bear in mind: I don’t speak Japanese, Translation is an art, especially of poetry, and I’m doing my best here.
Grasping the cool flower petals tightly
I felt as if I saw a break in the clouds
Going on forever
Two dreams
Touching fingertips
I think one of the things that really shines through in this song is the sense of impermanence that runs throughout it. She’s grasping onto those cherry blossoms, something that bloom for a moment and then die, even as she’s holding them, covered by clouds. And then, she sees a break, a light in the gloom that she imagines could go on forever, two dreams, as one, just barely touching. For people named Doc, who are me, this could not be about anything else but Mina, and her sense that maybe the loneliness that has overtaken her, that sense of keeping her head down and working, maybe that could be alleviated with Mina, but their lives are only now brushing against each other, and there’s this sense that it could all go away, so quickly.
Dancing tears on that spring day
I can’t find any reason for them
Soon they will come to a stop
Can I become strong
Someday?
And Rei, of course, thinking, “why would there be tears” even she can’t really grasp what she knows to be true, that the things she wants go away, and she’s holding on to something that cannot last, something that is only for a short season in time. She can’t give herself the grace of allowing that she can have feelings, she can have tears. All she can do is deride herself for feeling this way, for daring to cry, wondering if she’ll be strong, if she won’t do this, won’t feel this.
I’ll search forever for the sight of a white angel
I’m sure she’ll descend from heaven
And give me new wings
Rei is looking for redemption, seeing herself as something fallen, and that tracks with the line we see throughout that episode, of her referring to herself as shameful. She’s on the look for someone and something to make her feel like she can fly again, if she ever could.
A sudden flurry of flowers will take you to the illusory Eden
It seems that only here
I can become a little more honest
One thing that ran through EVERY SINGLE TRANSLATION is the idea of Eden, this perfect paradise, as an illusion. Love it. Living for it. She’s carried to this perfect place by those same impermanent petals that she was grasping early in the song, and this false heaven on earth is the only place she can be honest, the only place she can truly just be. Only with this idea she’s grasping onto with Mina, does she see a chance for herself to be soft in those moments.
There’s no such thing as God
But I want to believe in something
Now still I don’t want to grow up
A cherry blossom snow storm thinning out
Another thing I loved is that in every single translation, this was sead with GREAT assurance. There is no such thing as God, it’s not a matter of belief, it’s a matter of fact. She knows this to be true, and yet still she wants something to cling to, she doesn’t want to grow up and haver to know there’s nothing out there, even as those cherry blossoms begin to clear away, a symbol of a short time.
Around the sweet smell of a purple lilac
A distant memory of snow
Washes away with a murmur again
I’ll chase forever
Beyond this deep forest
I know someone’s waiting
The one who will walk along with me
This is again speaking to Rei’s sense of loneliness and how’s she sure, if she can just get through this, that someone is waiting for her on the other side of it all, someone who will see her through the deep forest and she won’t have to walk through it alone. Every thing she mentions comes and goes, the snow, the lilacs, the cherry blossoms, but still the memory of those things stays with her, no matter how long they lasted.
This brief shower is over
I want to look up into the night sky
It seems that here time stops
I want to stay a little girl
She’s looking up again, but this time she is facing the night, but she wants to look at it, as if she can see something in it that the clouds were covering, a galaxy of possibilities. A place where things can stop and she can believe in something as a child again.
There’s no such thing as God
But I want to believe in something
That is what I think
On this cloudy moonlit night
As the cherry blossom tempest fades
There’s no such thing as God
But I want to believe in someone
Now still keep time at a stop
Because I can’t grow up
There’s no such thing as God
But I want to believe in something
That is what I think
On this cloudy moonlit night
A cherry blossom storm fades
I kept the whole bottom part together because I think the quasi-repetition is important. This is Rei’s tension between wanting to stay a child and believe in things, believe that someone is coming for her, and recognizing that the cherry blossoms are fading and she can no longer stay in this world where time stops. It’s an argument she’s having with herself, about how she doesn’t want to go forward, but she has no choice. It’s a song about change, and for Rei I think that’s significant, and I think what’s really significant is that her idea of wanting to believe in something remains even when its separated from desire to remain a child. Even going into adulthood, Rei wants to believe in something and if you ask me, she keeps chasing Minako around because Minako is that something, and of course she’s in for a hard fall when she finds out that Mina is a fading cherry blossom just like the rest.
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