#or throw away the wrappers of your bandaids instead of tossing them on the floor | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

im2tired4usernames · 5 months

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I want their fuckin freedom they have no chores no responsibility they can go out with their friends when ever they want for however long they want they can sleep in there bed all day they eat drink drive vehicles use the phone have a home with no bills no expenses they can spend their money on stupid things that bring them joy with no worry of the gas they burned in someone else's vehicle or if there's dinner at home they have no worries about laundry no worries about dishes no worries about the messes they make because they know I'll clean it up always I want to be viewed by my family and by my friends as someone who is an actual person with limits and boundaries and who has goals and dreams they'd like to accomplish in the day besides laundry for 16 people and not a tireless cleaning machine. I want to be able to rest and have hobbies I want to be able to do things with my partner and my friends again I want to be able to fuckin daydream and make up stories again for Christ sake I want to feel like a person and not a corpse forced into playing "tradwife" I want the freedom they all have while I'm in the background doin they're dishes.

#i don't mind helping with chores but it's the fact I'm the only one qnd i can get my four youngest to help me with bribes of sweets #but there's several adults living here who don't care that they make. more mess then a four year old #and could definitely start doin their own laundry #or take the trash out if it's full instead of cramming more into it so that the bag splits and is to heavy for me to lift #and I'm actually kinda strong like I've def lost a lot of energy n strength this year tbh but this bitch can lift pretty heavy boxes at work #and i split logs pretty regularly so im not the strongest gal by no means like of lord i had to carry my mother around everywhere #because she was a stubborn asshole who refused to use any mobility aids and then wanted to go shopping or go out and i had to just carry her #like i can carry an adult women but fuck if it didn't hurt me bad doin it and i had to stop several times to catch my breath #like I'm not super Strong but I'm not weak the trashbag cant weigh more then an adult #it takesn nothing to rinse a bowl out so your food don't turn into cement #or throw away the wrappers of your bandaids instead of tossing them on the floor #or wipe your shoes before you come in and track big chunks of dried mud and grass all over the home #my parents wanted 12 kids wnd our house to look like a magazine and they beat that mentality of the house must be clean as a whistle #because what if Jesus was to stop by we must have our home look so clean that we would be unashamed if jesus stopped #so clean we encourage him to look in cupboards and under the bed clean #i dont think that's a Bible verse but there was a biblical book that was all about having a home that was so clean constantly #just so you wouldn't be ashamed when Christ cand because cleanliness is closer to godliness #i really hate my mother like so much I'm glad i can finally say it I'm glad i don't have to work to earn her love or buy it #you shouldn't have to have to earn love especially from your parents I'm glad she can't constantly condemn me #i have nightmares about my mom condemning me or being smug n proud and ruining my life in the name of her cult #like throwing away all of my belongings and only having a bed a Bible some christan fiction four floor length Jean dresses baggy tshirts #also her giving my sister she favored a bunch of my organs since I'm broken anyhow and slowly dieing because i don't have a liver anymore #or her ruining my relationship and friendships because she didn't think they were godly enough so i have no one in my life except church #she tried to have an arranged marriage for me not a dream that happened #i know she loved me i hate that i think so low of her but her love felt like hate most of the time #i know she loved me though andni love her to I'm just glad i don't have to constantly hve to perform for her #i have so much garbage in my brain

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