#or thinking about Kaidan and cycling between longing guilt and anger | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

flyingicecreamtruck · 7 years

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Hard Left Turn: Shepard Part 1

Notes: Thane Lives AU! Several lines of dialog and the contents of letters from the game are used verbatim. I'm also fudging the time line of the game slightly.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect and its characters are not mine.

Summary: Oh fuck it, she thinks as she launched herself into his arms to the hoots and cheers of her crew, I deserve this.

“So what do you think?”

The cabin was tiny; nothing more then a large room with a kitchen and a separate bathroom, but that didn't matter: the back door opened onto a private section of beach along the Pacific. She smiled as she shifted her weight, floor boards creaking. Actual wooden floors! “It's perfect. How did you find this place?”

“I have my ways,” Kaidan murmured as he moved up behind her.

She hummed as his arms slid around her. For a moment they simply stood, listening to the sound of the distant surf. “10 days,” she said dreamily, “10 days of nothing to do but eat, sleep and lay on the beach.”

Kaidan chuckled into her hair. “Are you going to be able to cope with that level of inactivity?”

“Hmm, you have a point,” She turned in his arms with a wicked grin, slipping a leg between his. “You may need to distract me.”

“Subtle.” But Kaidan's hands were already slipping under her shirt. It was quickly tossed away, hands returning to cup her ass. With a small jump she wrapped her legs around his waist. He grinned as he carried her to the bed, dumping her unceremoniously on it.

She laughed as she bounced, quickly wriggling out of her pants as Kaidan stripped above her. The bed dipped as he crawled towards her and Shepard moaned as his weight settled on her, his half hard cock pressing against her thigh. She pushed her fingers through his hair as Kaidan's mouth found her neck-

“Commander, we are currently one hour away from docking at the Citdael.”

Shepard jerked awake in the darkness of her cabin, heart pounding, sheets twisted low around her legs. Fuck, she thinks as guilt surged through her. An hour away? “How long was I asleep?”

“You have been asleep for the last 6 hours and 48 minutes.”

“7 hours?” Why hadn't anyone woken her up? She was supposed to have called Thane hours ago to let him know the Normandy's ETA. She sat up, suddenly aware of a heavy throbbing between her legs. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Stripping off her sweat soaked tank top and underwear Shepard stumbled into the shower, cranking the faucet all the way to the right. She hissed as the icy cold water poured over her.

Her arousal quickly vanished but it did nothing for her guilt.

Kaidan. The knot in her stomach tightened. It had been there ever since she had received his e-mail two days ago. He was awake and wanted to talk. Talk about what? He had made it clear that he would never be able to see past her involvement with Cerberus. Is that what they did to you? Is the woman I loved still in there? A shudder went through her as she remembered Saren, convulsing, flesh burning away to reveal a husked skeleton. A familiar panic shot through her. What if-

“Commander, are you all right? I am reading high levels of-”

“I'm fine EDI,” she said through chattering teeth, “Tell Joker I'll be on the bridge in 20.”

“Acknowledged. Also, several of the Grissom Academy students have requested permission to observe our approach to the Citadel from the bridge.”

She sighed and adjusted the water temperature. “As long as Joker says it's all right.”

“He does. I will relay the message.”

“Thank you EDI.”

She finished her shower and dried off, moving out into the bedroom to get dressed. She sat on the bed to pull on her boots. When she was done, Shepard picked up the data pad that lay on her pillow. She had transferred all of Thane's letter and videos onto it. She carried it with her during the day and went to sleep to the sound of his voice at night.

He had written her faithfully even though he knew the letters would not reach her. That made her guilt surge again. Thane had been on her mind constantly during their separation but she had not bothered to write him. What was the point? The Alliance had not allowed any outside contact.

She had sent him brief messages over the last month, letting him know where the Normandy was headed: the Shrike Abyssal, the Cerberus lab on Sanctum, Grissom Academy. Once they had rescued the students and set course for the Citadel she had found enough time to sit down and call him. She had spent the first five minutes crying, much to her embarrassment. It had been so good to hear his voice. Thane had merely smiled at her. I had the same reaction when I received your letter, Siha. They had talked for nearly three hours before Kahlee Sanders had pulled her away. She had hung up promising to call once the Normandy was 3 hours out.

I need to call him. But how could she even look him in the eye? After seven long months they would finally be reunited and she had been dreaming about sex with another man. Fuck. With a sigh Shepard put down the data pad and stood. She would find Thane after she got Jack and the Grissom Academy students settled.

Once on the bridge she allowed herself to be distracted by the routine of docking and the excited chatter of Jack's students. At the familiar thump and hiss of the Citadel's airlock cycling she reached up to flip on the intercom. “All hands, this is the captain. The local time is 11:43 am. We will be pushing off promptly at 1900 hours tomorrow. All crew must be back at their posts by 1800 hours for the pre-flight lockdown. Enjoy your brief shore leave.”

As she exited the bridge Shepard was startled to see most of the crew already at the airlock. Cortez had declined the offer of shore leave. Shepard frowned; she would need to talk to him soon. Liara was still holed up in her office fine tuning her equipment and didn't want to be disturbed. “Garrus, wasn't the Primarch supposed to come with you?” He had spoken of his plans to meet with the Council and tour the refugee camp.

“Yes, but there were some last minute reports from Palavan. I'll meet him later.”

“Did something happen? Am I needed in the War Room?”

“No, I'm sure everything is fine.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Garrus, there's a war on.”

“Right,” her friend said, mandibles twitching, “By fine I mean-hey!”

“Can we hurry this up,” Joker said, moving up beside her, accidentally bumping against Garrus in the press of bodies, “Time is shore leave and some of us can't walk very fast.”

Vega waved a hand at the airlock door. Was he bouncing slightly? “Commanders first.”

Thane was waiting for her and so was Kaidan. With a deep breath she exited the airlock half expecting to be run over by Jack's student's in their eagerness to see the Citadel.

When no one tried to push past her she turned to look back, but as she did a familiar shade of green caught her eye. Oh, she thinks, heart beginning to hammer. She turned back around to see Thane walking towards her.

Drell facial expressions were far more subtle then human yet Thane's face lit up as he saw her. In that moment Shepard forgot everything; the guilt; her exhaustion, the war raging around them. None of that mattered because Thane was standing right in front of her, healthy and whole.

It had been hard to tell any difference through a vid screen but Thane looked incredible. His scales were a more vivid green and seemed to shimmer faintly in the artificial light of the waiting area. It took every once of control she had not to throw herself at him. “Thane, I...” She bit her lip to keep from crying. You talked to him yesterday! Get a grip.

“Siha,” he murmured, reaching out to take her hand. He raised it to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to her knuckles.

Oh fuck it, she thinks as she launched herself into his arms to the hoots and cheers of her crew, I deserve this. Thane did not seem to mind the audience; one hand sinking into her hair, the other twisting into her hoodie to clutch her close.

“I've missed you so much,” she choked out.

Thane made a low noise in the back of his throat, pressing his face into her hair.

“This is so romantic!” someone gasped. It sounded like Traynor.

Right. Her crew. She reluctantly pulled away and turned just in time to see several omni-tools flick off. She glared at Joker. He stared back with a look of exaggerated innocence. When she turned back to look at Thane she saw amusement dancing in his eyes.

“You knew we were coming,” she accused, narrowing her eyes in mock anger.

Thane took her hand again, lacing their fingers together as much as he could. “When you did not call at the appointed time I became worried. I called the Normandy to make sure everything was all right. EDI informed me that you had fallen asleep. I did not wish for her to wake you.”

I was dreaming about Kaidan. “I'm sorry, Thane. I didn't mean to worry you. I should have called when I woke up-”

“You are here now. That is all that matters.”

“I missed you too Lizard Man.”

Thane turned with a small noise of amusement. “It is good to see you Jack. You look well. It seems that teaching agrees with you.”

“Don't spread that around. I have a reputation to maintain.”

“Indeed,” Without letting go of her hand Thane turned to the rest of the crew. “It is good to see you all again. Garrus, I am sorry about Palavan.”

“Thanks. We'll make those bastard fight for every inch of ground,” Garrus gripped Thane's free hand in greeting. “It's good to see you too. You're coming with us right? I'm going to need my sniping partner.”

“I'm afraid I was given no choice in the matter.” Thane squeezed her fingers gently as she turned to him, surprised. She had given no such ultimatum. “Joker and I had quite the conversation earlier, Siha. I was told that he and EDI had already kidnapped half the crew and it would no trouble to kidnap one more if I refused to leave the Citadel. That must be a fascinating story. I look forward to hearing it tonight.”

“Joker!”

“Gah! Garrus, be a pal and pull this knife out of my back.”

Suddenly impatient to have Thane to herself Shepard made shooing motions at the crew.“All right. The meet and greet is over. I don't want to see any of you until tomorrow afternoon.” That prompted another round of hoots and and good-natured jeers. “We'll have plenty of time for introductions later James,” she said as he started to protest.“Jack, I'll meet you at the Embassies shortly.”

“Try not to show up covered in a rash this time!”

Mortified, Shepard could only stare as her crew dispersed; Vega chasing after Jack demanding to know what she was talking about. Kahlee smirked at her before following Jack. “We'll be lucky if that story isn't all over the extranet in an hour,” she muttered, pressing her face into Thane's shoulder, ignoring the slight ache in her hand. She was going to have to build up her immunity to his venom all over again. “How quickly do you think I can find another crew and escape?”

Thane chuckled, wrapping his arms around her. She sighed, savoring the feel of being back in his arms. It had been a long, lonely seven months. “So, tell me about tonight.”

“Dinner will be at 8 o'clock. Kolyat wishes to speak to you so he will be joining us.”

“He is?” She hoped she didn't sound too disappointed.

“Yes,” Thane said amused, “Kolyat has recently begun to study with the Priesthood. Through prayer and meditation he has been moved to apologize to those he has wronged, including you.”

Kolyat did not owe her anything. He had just been a confused angry kid. “I supposed I could apologize as well. I did punch him.”

A beep from her omni-tool made Shepard sigh. She did not need to look down to know that it was Jack telling her to hurry up. She pulled away to look at Thane. “I'm sorry. I've got so much to do. I need to get Jack and her students taken care of, a Spectre named Jondum Bau wants to see me, Aria T'Loak is here for some reason and Kaidan's awake. He's asked to see me.”

“Yes, we have spoken several times. He mentioned he had written you. I have not told him who I am, of course,” Thane said quickly at her raised eyebrow. “And I am aware that this will cause complications should he wish to rejoin the crew.”

She snorted. “There's no chance of that happening.” Is that what they did to you? Thane cocked his head, asking a silent question. She shook her head. Now wasn't the time. “I'm going to tell him about us, Thane. I-”

Her omni-tool beeped again. “Jack?” Thane asked. She nodded as she typed out a quick reply. “It is good to know she has not changed that much,” Thane said dryly. “I will not keep you any longer. I have much to do before tonight but I have enough time to accompany you to the Embassies.”

Thane glanced at her slightly redden hand and offered his arm. She took it with a grin. “Why thank you, Sere.” Shepard said as they walked down the hall to the elevator. “Don't worry about my hand. I need to go find Dr. Chakwas anyway. I'll have her give me something.”

“She has been eagerly awaiting your arrival.” Thane said as the elevator doors shut behind them.

“Yeah, I got her strongly worded email shortly after I got yours.”

Thane chuckled as the doors opened to the Embassy lobby. He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her hair. “Until tonight, Siha.”

Shepard stepped out into the lobby and watched the doors close behind her, wondering if the fluttery feeling in her stomach was what swooning felt like.

#thanedeservedbetter #shrios #thanelives #thane krios

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