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turning-dreams-into-chaos · 4 years

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Upcoming Requests

As I promised, I’m popping on to post a list of all my requests I’m doing. I know I have asks and messages, but I’m not going to go through them right now, but I appreciate all your support everyone. I’m not tagging people who requested until it’s posted because most of these are anons. Please like and reblog this, just so others are aware of what I’m doing, and comment which pieces you’re looking forward to the most! It’s a LONG list, so I’m adding a read more option. I’m not posting these in any order, that’s just how they’re listed.

Also check out my writing challenge in my bio!

Requests:

Bellamy Blake:

Can you do a Bellamy x reader? which takes place in season 3 with the chips that take away their pain. The reader is going through something and wants to take it but Bellamy stops them? Love your writing and don’t care about the haters!

Hi! It’s me again. I’ve got this BellamyxReader idea where the reader has become more and more reckless, and when she kills someone she doesn’t even flinch. Everyone’s worried, especially Bellamy. When they get to restrain chipped-Raven and they’re taking shifts to check on her. While it’s the reader’s turn, Raven says something that makes her snap. I have 2 ideas for the end: either the readers goes out and points a gun to her head or she points it to Raven. Either way, Bellamy stops her. (I was thinking that maybe no one knows about it and that the reader’s been keeping it under control with the meds Kane managed to give her before she was sent to earth with the 100 (maybe she could be Kane’s daughter).Then, when Jaha started chipping everyone, ALIE ordered someone to steal her meds and she didn’t really want to tell anyone about the missing meds. She started to go through the maniac phase of it, and people around her (Bellamy, Clarke) started to notice that something was off Then, coming back to my original request lol, Raven told her that they stole their meds to mess with her and you can connect it with the rest of my other request)

Hi there, I was wondering if i could request an angsty/fluffy S5 Bellamy fic based on the song “Hesitate” by the Jonas Brothers? Thank you ☺❤

Is it possible to get a bellamy one-shot or something based on the song “I hate you, I love you” by gnash and olivia o’brien? I’m not really picky (at all) by what the plot is, but I feel like it’s a good song to write a fic about, thanks girlie 💜 ~ Posted!

Okay soooo I have this on my mind for aawhile!Are you able to do a Bellamy Blake x plus size (if you want) reader imagine based on the song “Don’t wanna fall in love” by KYLE… if you want though!

Hi! I have a request What about a Bellamy x Reader based on the song Happy Pills by Weathers?

Would you be willing to do a Bell x Reader based on the song ALARM by Anne-Marie? Maybe something in season 1, but you can decide a different season if it’s easier☺

Your song fics are so goooddddd! Can you PLEASE do one based on If the World was Ending? Its by JP Saxe and Julia Michaels. Can it be a lot of angst and maybe a cute ending if it works? Thank you!!!!!

Hi!! I love your work! I was wondering if you could write a Bellamy x reader based on the song Hot Girl Bummer by blackbear! Thank you ❤️ have a nice day!

Could you maybe do something Season 1 Bellamy where he's tough and lets everybody "do whatever the hell they want" but he's bossier to you and you're a rebellious spirit but he's actually being hard on you because he really really likes you and he doesn't want anything to happen to you (he's bossy in a roundabout way so he makes sure you get dinner and are safe and stuff) and maybe something happens and she gets hurt cause she's mad at him and he admits his feelings for her? Sassy and sweet?

Sirius Black:

hello! can i request an imagine in which reader is Lucius’ little sister, so she has a bad reputation among the marauders, but on their last year, her and Sirius are supposed to work on a project together so they start spending more time together and he realises that she’s not like her family at all, so they start developing feelings for each other? maybe they even kiss in the end? hehe. thanks!

Hey sweets! I was wondering if I could request a oneshot with young!Sirius please? Something with a lot of mutual pining? Also if the reader could be in Ravenclaw that would be really nice :) Thanks anyways 💓

can i request an extremely fluffy (floof upon floof) and wholesome fic with sirius? :’) thank you

Could you please write a Sirius x reader where the reader is a Gryffindor but is very quiet and cold and Sirius tries to get closer to her?

Hey! I saw that your requests for the marauders were open. I would like to request a Sirius oneshot where he has a crush on reader who is super sassy and will not give him time of the day. He is a bit sad and so maybe James takes it upon himself to get them together? Maybe as a bonus they help July get together too? Thankyou 😍

Hey! How are you? Thanks to Seira I discovered you were writing for the marauders! So I was thinking could you right something on the marauders (Sirius x reader) were it’s full moon and they’re in the muggle world. Moony is stuck in the middle of a village, there is a lot of muggle around him so the reader (who is an animagus too since she’s a marauder) save him but finish hurt by a villager so Sirius protect her and carry her away? I hope it’s understandable and sorry if my English is bad :)

Barry Allen:

Hiii! One last request before you close them! Maybe a Barry Allen x reader where the reader has got “dark” powers? I picture her like Billie Eilish in her music video “Bury a Friend”. I don’t know if I explained it clearly 😂

James Potter:

I really love your works on Harry Potter (basically marauders) Can I request 14, 16, 18, 23, 28 for James Potter. Can reader be Remus' twin sister, a Gryffindor? I I would be really happy to read it. Also if possible can you make a happy ending for it? I trust you can write a perfect fic! Thank you:) (are you still open to this kind of requests?)~ Posted!

could u maybe work on a lil james potter fic (cus ur reqs for him are open)? one where he's trying so hard to get a girl in the quidditch team (but she's bolder than he is so she tells him she'll only join if he goes on a date w her) i thought it'd be pretty cool... thank u

I don't know if you are taking one shot requests but if you are, I would like to request a James Potter x reader (different houses, not specified) where they enter a Hogwarts Couples Baking Challenge and they're just having fun. Thanks!

Remus Lupin:

Hi!!! Could I get a gender neutral!reader x Remus?? Something with mutual pining maybe?? Also I would love if the reader is in hufflepuff!! Thank you!!!

Hey! Can I request a oneshot with Remus where he likes reader who is Lily's best friend and us smarter than her too and is also a prefect? He asks for her help to study and accidentally confesses his feelings at the same time/or confesses during one of their prefect rounds? Thankyou!

can i request some angst for younger remus where it's a couple days after the full moon and he looks for the reader so they can cuddle (they're already dating) and he finds them kissing another guy, and he asks reader why and the readers like "i dont want you anymore, i love this guy, blah blah blah" and he's heart broken but later somehow reader's friend finds out the guy gave them a love potion and fixes it, and reader has to try to explain to Remus that it's what happened but he doesn't (1/2) believe her, and it's all angsty because he's mad at her but in the end he understands or something like that, and i am SO sorry that this is so long, and i love love love your writing~ Posted!

John Murphy:

I think 18 by 1D would be such a cute song for Murphy! I saw your requests were open for him (THANK GOD because your writing is incredible!) and I was hoping you wouldn’t mind? Thanks love!

John Murphy with a reader that got her arm or leg or both taken on earth and it’s about her recovering and John helping her. If you can’t do John then sorry for bothering!!

Undecided:

I wasn't going to ask this because I already requested something (believe me when I say I read the moment I knew lots of times already), but just trying it won't hurt me, right? (right? 😭) I need something based on lover of mine by 5sos it can be bellamy, sirius, james, remus or bucky, whoever you think would fit better. thank you for putting up with my shit 🤧 love you tons - 🍑 (Undecided because I haven’t figured out who to write for yet, I think it might be Bucky)

So this is hella randombut can u do a eli goree x reader ship. Eli played wells on the 100 and mad dog on riverdale btw. Anyway can it be were your also famous actor and played in the 100 and riverdale ect and u guys are playing a game on the jimy falon show and your picking random QUITIONS from a dec of cards abd most of them are things having to fo with ur friend ship (u guys are like bestfriends and everybody ships u2) reader picks random card that says I asked you out would you say yes? (Undecided because my requests aren’t open for Eli and I’ve never written for an actor before, but I kinda wanna write this despite my requests not for him. So idk yet. Question: If I do write this, do you Eli to say yes? and do you want them together? No promises on writing it, but send me an ask and let me know please.)

#Request list #todo #Requests closed #send asks #bellamy blake x reader #Sirius black x reader #barry allen x reader #remus lupin x reader #james potter x reader #bucky barnes x reader #let me know which ones yall are waiting for #I came i posted imma leave

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deadlyaffairs · 4 years

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I love you

This is part of my lil challenge, where I am challenging myself to write for seven days straight. Pray for me.

Prompt: We’re roommates and you make me so mad! But I love you.

Words: 2,089 (honestly didn’t feel like that)

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Fem!Reader, Roommates!AU, Musicians!AU

A/N: Inspired heavily by Burlesque, or well more importantly the friends-to-lovers, roommates with angst but ultimately fluff trope! That was long to write lol. Also, I know I said the second one-shot was coming out later today, but that was before the idea struck me and it kinda feels good to be caught up since technically I was already behind on my challenge. Hope this makes up for it and hope you ENJOY!

It was late at night when Ben awoke to the sound of the flat’s door being opened and gently shut. He had fallen asleep on the couch waiting for you but would never admit that.

Around mid-day, Ben is sitting at the island laptop opened and writing some lyrics. He looks up and smiles at you as you walk through after unlocking the door. “You got home pretty late. Quite unusual.” He says taking his bottom lip between his fingers guarding his face.

You glance at him, your body heating up in embarrassment. Your heart beating rapidly as suddenly the feelings you’ve been having for Ben begin to surface. “Oh yeah, sorry, I-I well I sort of met up with that one guy... Landon. The one who's been coming into the club lately.”

“Landon that prick?”

You watched Ben fight to look at you longer than necessary. You looked at your feet in light sadness. However, your eyes were ready to bug out of their sockets when you remembered the flashy shoes Landon had left you at rehearsal.

When you looked up, Ben was typing at the computer, trying to put you at the back of his mind. You squared your shoulders suddenly angry at his comment and dropped your keys onto the key foyer and practically stomp to your bedroom.

“New shoes?” Ben asks just as your about to shut your door. You look back at him. His eyes are still trained on screen and his fingers are still moving. But you hear the word he mutters. “Classy...”

At that, you feel your blood boil, and your chest is rising and now your body is filled with anger. You huff and slam the door hard enough to resonate against the wall it was on but, not hard to cause a disturbance.

A few days later, you’ve still been ignoring Ben. It’s been four days of silence from your end that Ben is angry at you being angry at him.

“You know ‘s only one reason why reason a bloke buys women shoes ya?”

You glare at him as you shut your bedroom door. You walk out in a small number you only bring out to really make some people mad. The v-line plunged down to highlight the valley of your chest, your skin was practically glowing in the faint light of the flat’s terrible lighting. The dress was tight-fitting and stopped a little higher on the thigh. The silk material was silver and the flashy shoes you were given tied together beautifully.

“So what if I’m getting a little male attention?”

“It’s a bit more than a little ya?”

“Not from anyone that matters.” You mutter not looking back to gauge his reaction. You’ve said what you’ve said, there was no taking it back or fixing it.

For Ben, it was a blatant jab at him. At his feelings. They had both been playing a game of cat and mouse. Not knowing they spent too much time switching between the two to realize neither were getting any catching done.

The two of you spent more days ignoring each other. Staying in your room or Ben staying in his. Avoiding each other around the rest of the flat. You decided to start spending your days with Landon, getting to know him, doing things like going out to eat, watching movies. You liked going out, but you couldn’t help but feel hollow inside your chest because at every moment you could, you spent it picturing Ben. Doing these things with you and not Landon.

The next night you get home late, all the lights except the kitchen one are off. You furrow your brows and walk inside. You see no faint glow of light under Ben’s bedroom door and sigh, biting your lip you go to your room, you undress and get ready for bed.

A few hours later you woke up to noises that sounded blurred with the door shut, but you knew better. Ben was doing it on purpose, pressing the highest setting of the blender. You groan and rise out of your warm bed, feeding exactly into what he wanted, to rile you up.

“Ben... Ben... Ben... Jones!” You say over the noise of the blender. Ben is making what appears to be one of his many shakes. He stops only when you call him Jones because He can’t help but love that you’re one of few who actually still call him by his last name, his real one.

“Goodmorning love, sleep well? Shake?”

“No... a little peace and quiet would be lovely.”

Ben presses the blender, giving an unspoken reply. You squint your eyes at him.

“Really now?” You go to ask but Ben again presses the button on the blender the noise returning. You purse your lips and turn around ready to go back to ignoring him, you’ve taken three steps but face him once more “Christ Ben! What is your problem? You’re acting like a fucking prick!”

“It’s not just me ya? You know at the club, we’re like a family, we look out for each other.”

“Right, like Lucy and Rami, Joe.”

“Ya? What about Landon eh? He looks out for you? y/n? He can make things happen for you.”

“He’s a good man, a smart one at that. He goes for what he wants.”

“In the end, it’s about the choices you make love,” Ben says as he stands in front of you, shake long forgotten. He stares you down for a moment before walking off towards his bedroom.

“Oh that’s genius, you’re a bartender/ drummer who writes songs that are never ready.” You say without really wanting to but angry at him for coming at you the way he has.

Ben slowly stops and turns to you, “Alright, I see then.” He shuts the door behind him and you exhale deeply, shutting your eyes.

Ben and you ignore each other. It doesn’t last long, a day and a half. But it was enough to get your skin to crawl, what you had to say constantly eating at you. Naisa, a girl from the club where Ben and you worked was getting married and you both had been invited, Ben wasn’t wrong, at the club you all were like family.

You wore a simple red dress, it was long sleeve but was off the shoulder. It stopped right above the knee and you paired it with your tan heels. The makeup was simple, you never truly cared to get doll up yourself, but heavy makeup came with the job. You wore a similar shade of red on your lips.

You arrived later than Ben, he was home for the first part of you getting ready but when you walked out completely finished he was gone, had he been for long? You didn’t know.

At the reception for the wedding you tried to look for the blond but to no prevail. You had caught him briefly at the ceremony. He sat a few rows in front of you. You about given up trying to find him when you reached the bar.

“A shot of tequila please.”

“Two please.”

You glanced at your side and saw Ben, who was clearly already feeling a little bit drunk.

“Looking lonely there Ben.” You say

“Liberated, questionable. Libated, definitely. Lonely? No, not lonely. Never lonely. Cheers” Ben says smoothly.

Your chest pings at that, was that supposed to hurt as much as it did? Was that meant for you? You scoff and faced away from him.

“Clink!” Ben says and downs the shot. You fight the giggle that makes its way out, downing your own shot.

Ben nudges you and is suddenly in your space. “Love are you still mad at me? Cus..” He slurs just a bit before picking himself back up. Completely in your face now, which you're sure is red from how hot it feels. “Cus if you are... bring it on baby.”

“Are you drunk?” You ask even though you know the answer. You want him to realize how drunk he is acting.

Just as you ask the DJ plays Bruno Mars’ Calling All My Lovelies. “I love this song!” Ben shouts standing and giving the DJ and look. You walk away since he is not paying attention to you anymore.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Ben says as he grips your arm pulling your body back into his. To stop yourself from hitting him too hard you put your hand to his chest as you’re pulled back into him. You can feel his body warmth and remove your hand.

He has his arm under yours and his free hand grabs the one you’ve lowered. “I need to apologize to you.”

“What for.”

He gives you a look, and even now it still takes your breath away, how he can simply look that good? How can he make your blood boil, but get you weak in the knees?

“For being a prick.”

“You were.”

“I was.”

“Mm-hm.”

He smiles at you but it falters just slightly before he asks “Why are you here alone?”

You look up at him, his eyes the brightest green you’ve ever seen. You step just a little closer to him. “Do I look alone to you?”

His smile slowly makes its back to his features before he dips you, changing the mood drastically. Later that night you two are stumbling through your flat. The reception and day over with. You fall onto the couch and kick your feet up.

“My feet are killing me! Please take off these shoes Ben.”

He follows you to the couch and yanks at the heel. You laugh as he fumbles with one. “I got it, oh whoa, whoa, aha!” He says once they’re both off.

Your laughter dies down after the good show you received. You look up at him, you hope your eyes are saying everything you can’t bring yourself to say. Ben too, watches you, he’s standing over you and from this angle he can’t stop picturing you underneath.

“Good night.”

“Night.”

Ben walks to his bedroom, shutting the door. You sigh and sit on the couch for a bit. You rub your neck as you try to stop your thought from going back to Ben. However, your thoughts are cut short when Ben’s door opens and he stands there in a blue sheep pajama set. You laugh at it.

“Cute.”

“Mum got em, thank you.” He walks out to the front door. Locking it. He turns to you “Forgot to lock the door.”

You nod. “Got it?”

The lock makes a noise as he twists it once again, Ben’s green eyes find yours and you want to do nothing more but dive into them. “Good,” he says. He walks to his bedroom, pauses and looks at you, “Good night.”

“Good night.”

Ben shuts his door and you barely had time to blink before it is ripped open with his shirt gone. “Back again?” You ask with a smile.

“Water... don’t need a nasty hangover in the morning.”

“Right.”

Ben walks to his room once more, he stands in the doorway looking at you. “Good night, again.” He smiles, shutting his door.

“Night... again,” you say to yourself and begin taking your jewelry off. You've turned away from Ben’s door, not being able to see.

It’s opened once more and you laugh quietly to yourself not bothering to look at him, continuing with tugging the jewelry off.

“I think I’m hungry. Yeah... I’m a bit famished.” He walks past the couch to the kitchen and you have to look twice to make sure you saw what you did. His bare ass. You cover your face as laughter rakes through your body.

“Jones!” you peek through your fingers, “Your! It’s...”

He holds out a box of cookies, “What is so funny?” He moves away from the island looking down and using the box to cover his manhood. “Oh, well, I never.” He says in his best southern American accent.

You continue to laugh, shielding your eyes but also giving in and opening your eyes a few times. He walks over to the couch. He stands over you for a moment. “Want a cookie?” He says normally as he shakes the box, his body is red which tells you he is nervous. You bite your lip, almost taking the bait. He shrugs and walks off.

“No? Well if you change your mind... you know where they are.” He sends you a wink before shutting the door with his leg and one hand.

You watch and watch. The door remaining shut longer than you hoped. His light also turns off. The smile leaves your face and you begin to grab your things, ready to head to your bedroom. The door to Ben’s door opens slower this time and you look up, not shielding your eyes because let's face it, you knew him too well.

He walks out of his bedroom and he’s dressed in his usual sleep attire. Sweats and no shirt. You chew your bottom lip and you open your mouth to say something but he stops you with his lips. The kiss feels like it was always meant to. A secret told... a promise kept. It was slow, everything felt like it went slowly when the skin of his lips melded against yours.

Ben pulls away and you’re both silent, breathing, tired of waiting. The kiss ignites something in the two of you.

“I love you.” You say and although Ben curses himself for not saying it first, he doesn’t stop himself from saying it back.

“I love you too.”

TAGLIST: @fallingprincess

LOVE YOU <3

#ben hardy #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy oneshot #ben jones #p'sdeadlywritingchallenge #deadlyaffairs #deadlyaffairs imagines #oneshot series

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luckylagerlegacy · 7 years

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Lil Uzi Vert “Luv Is Rage 2″ Album Commentary

I’m excited that this Album is here… But at the same time it makes me a little bit sad that the twitter jokes about it never being released will cease now. I think I put the first Luv Is Rage mixtape as my rap album of the year in 2015, which makes it hard for me to know what to expect from this one. It’ll either be a classic, or an audio version of whatever Lil Uzi’s hair is doing right this very moment. Let’s not waste anymore time here, and instead just shoulder roll our way into Luv Is Rage 2:

1) Two:

Calling the first track on your album “Two” is a piss off, Uzi… But this song’s beat got the trademark accordion over it and I am instantly lulled into being okay by it. This track leads off right where Luv Is Rage ended,which is fire.. Sure, now he’s rapping about fame being poisonous and money being evil BUT shit slaps stupid hard and I can suspend my concern for his personal well being for at least as long as this song lasts.

3.5/5

2) 444+222:

EITHER SLOW DOWN WITH YOUR DIRECTIONS OR DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, MR UZI VERT. I’m also not doing math so your probably clever song title is completely lost on my dumb ass!!!!! This song has me voguing into a broken mirror while thinking about all the girls who have ever wronged me. I’m flash dancing in my back yard, nae naeing at the thought of my own death. This is a total stripper joint, but don’t be surprised if some of them dancers recognize the sadness in Lil Uzi’s voice and shake their titties wild mournfully and make all of the perverts watching reflect on their own shit.

4/5

3) Sauce It Up:

Coincidentally, this song title is exactly what I tell the drive thru dicks at Wendy’s when they ask me which one (1) sauce I want with my six (6) orders of the dollar menu Five (5) piece nugget. This song is sort of about nothing, but it has the cutest fucking line lmao check it out: “I WAS ON THE PHONE, YEAH WITH PLAYBOI CARTI - COMMES DES GARCON, HEARTS ALL ON MY CARDI” lol that’s silly as hell I love it, who the hell calls a cardigan a cardi? Tegan And Sara fans do. I do. This is the first song on the tape that hasn’t made me want to call a distress hotline on Lil Uzi’s behalf.

3.5/5

4) No Sleep Leak:

This song stupid as fuck but in a good way. I just woke my dog up dancing to this song. That’s a real thing that happened. He raps about recouping all of his wealth in the span of a single night which is tight, but I often do the same. I can go from like .34 cents in my bank account to uhhh like a few hundred when it’s payday. It’s not that impressive, Uzi.

3.5

5) The Way Life Goes:

My girl is at her Aunt’s house in Maryland this week (holler at me if ur tryna rob her house while she’s gone just hmu she has an xbox) and I’m actually glad now, cus you have got to be missing somebody to truly grasp whatever the fuck Lil Uzi Vert is going through right now. Who the hell hurt you Lil Uzi Vert? Your hair dresser? Reese La Flare when you ripped his whole existence off and added KPOP to it?? Who the fuck did this to you lil guy??? Lmao this song goes hard as hell though I’m pouring out a tear for my guys rn over it. This one is hilarious to me tho cus he samples an “Oh Wonder” song, and it’s adorable to me that Lil Uzi Vert knows about some fabulist ass pop duo like the rest of us sad schmucks do.

4.5/5

6) For Real:

I’m assembling an interracial squad of dance teens to perform funny looking dance moves to this song while I stand behind the camera and jerk it side to side (not like that) whenever they do the dab. This song is the most stripped down, “normal” on the project I guess. It’s cool, but I like my Lil Uzi Vert to be manic and sad and weird. NEEEEEEEEXT

3/5

7) Feelings Mutual:

Oh wow we’re diving back into the sad drug stuff pretty abruptly here. Hold the fuck on I’m gonna google “Who Did This To Lil Uzi Vert??” gimme a second. Okay, nothing came up… But damn we gotta get this guy some mood stabilizers and a workout routine so he can start to turn that frown upside down. Nobody getting double toppy from models and driving ferraris should be sad. Even if he is like, five foot minus five. Nobody who’s friends with The Migos should cry, ever! They have their own chips! This song is very good though. Again, his sad shit is really effective so even tho he’s crying for help I’m gonna pretend he’s asking me to ignore his situation and dance instead!

4/5

8) Neon Guts (Feat Pharrell Williams):

Two things: I misspell Pharrell’s name every single time I type it, and whoooo shit Pharrrlel can make a goddamn track, even now that he’s more of a spiritual guide to XXL’s freshman classes than a hit maker. He took his gigantic cowboy hat off and donned the BDBC fitted for this one. This is gonna be the biggest song off this whole album, mark my words. Shit slaps dummy hard.

5/5

9) Early 20 Rager:

Oh hey, Lil Uzi named this song the same thing as my friend’s name their Birthday events on Facebook! Hopefully this song doesn’t make me get dressed up and go to 3 bars I don’t like. He says “FUCK YO GIRL ON CAM, GOPRO” which is hilarious. I want my POV porn to have an extreme sports edge to it now. I wanna see Mia Malkova giving head while jumping out of an airplane ASAP.

3.5/5

10) UnFazed (Feat. The Weeknd):

Dog I fucking hate the weekday. I -oh wow this shit slaps nvm I’m wrong.. Still tho if I catch you out here with XO gear on I am throwing it high up into an unscalable tree. One with mad prickles. He does say “Take three Xannies like a hattrick” on this which is super fucking lame and ultra Canadian of him. I know I said that the Pharalel track would be the biggest song on this album, but every white girl I know who does blow loves The Weeknd so this track is gonna go quadruple platinum.

4/5

11. Pretty Mami:

This song boring as fuck! Maybe Lil Uzi not liking rapping anymore… Isn’t a good thing? I thought disenfranchisement meant bangers that would make me wipe tears away in secrecy at the club… But maybe, instead it means a lack of bangers?????????????????????????? Fuck man… I hate whoever made this man so sad.

2.5/5

12) How To Talk:

THIS BITCH! This song starts with the audio of some woman calling Lil Uzi Vert out for some shit that uhhh I’m not paying attention to. Somebody on 4chan analyze this woman’s vocality n stuff so we know who to speak to about making this guy sad. This song slaps tho, he’s all apologetic about treating her badly and jealous that she’s talking to a ball player. The beat is rad as hell. This is the mood I think of when I think of Lil Uzi’s music. More of this, less Pretty Mami.

4/5

13) X:

Metro Boomin and Pierre Bourne co-producing a Lil Uzi Vert track? I’m in clout heaven. Somebody fetch me a pair of those dumbass glasses that every future dead kid wears while they nod out on xanax. You know the ones? The Fallout 4 fancy lady joints. Thanks. Okay this song is golden and I will defend it no matter what the hell happens with the next two tracks. I’m doin all of Uzi’s dances as best I can to this, eating gummy bears, feelin cute.

5/5

14) Malfunction:

In the first verse on this dreamy lil song Uzi says “ALL MY GIRLS DRESS LIKE THEY WORK AT HOOTERS” like it’s a good thing. If I’m worth millions of dollars, my many, many girlfriends would all be dressed in differently themed designer garb: One goth model with diamond encrusted tears, one pioneer thot with a golden pitchfork, a pair of ghost women wearing spooky Red Bottoms, etc. Let’s have some showmanship, please. This song is good though, the last ¼ of this album is picking it up.

4/5

15) Dark Queen:

Dark Queen is my favourite race in World Of Warcraft, so I’m stoked on this. The song is all about his relationship with his mother, and how it relates with his relationship with the music business instead of sick raids and fuckin uhhhhhhhh killin monsters? Idk I never played WoW I was too busy playing other videogames u fuckin dorks.

3.5/5

16) XO TOUR LIF3:

*Crying* SHE SAID BABY I AM NOT AFRAID TO - *still crying* DIE! I forgot this song was on the album. Wow, what a fuckin banger. I want whoever reads this to make sure the lyrics to this song are etched into my gravestone (if I somehow don’t end up buried in an unmarked grave by a jilted lover and her new, tougher boyfriend) Ugh this goes so fuckin hard. This is one of the only songs that, if you have it as your ringtone and it goes off really loudly while we’re sitting next to each other on the C-Train, won’t earn you a dirty look and a subtweet. I want to celebrate the sadness in this song. You did it, Lil Uzi.

5/5

FINAL SCORE: 7.8/10

This shit had some up and down moments, I’m not gonna lie. But, the good outweighed the bad. I hope Uzi finds the help he needs before his hair gets any more neon than it already is. We believe in you, lil fella.

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