#on the one hand lets fcking go anime style | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

erattum · 4 years

Text

Asleep & Sleeping with

(Antipode PART 4)

Characters: Tsundere!Dong Sicheng x Y/N & NCT/WAYV

Genre: NCT College AU | NCT Heirs AU

Warnings: mentioned of sex, alcohol , cursing, fluff

Summary:

You could get pretty drunk and do some ugly stuffs you would regret tomorrow when you wake up.

(I’ve noticed that I wrote partly for what I would like to say to NCT and WayV as a real person. For example, to Lucas in this chapter.)

“Get ready to be part of the 99ang”

Y/N was standing in front of the four boys, weaking the same white shirt with ‘99ang’ (read as ‘gang’) printed on the chest and their names at the back of it. She was told by Lucas that there would be an accepting ceremony to be held for her as the newest member of their group of same age.

They are being watched by the other members, the older ones shaking their head for the silliness of their brothers. Some of the Dreamies protests that they wanted to be part of it but Xiaojun made sure to give them a pep talk about how it should be exclusive only for the people born in 1999.

“So now, we will proceed to the alcohol room!” Hendery clapped and they dragged her to the second floor, left wing of the mansion.

“Don’t do anything stupid!” Kun shouted to remind them how this initiation should be harmless.

“No breaking of stuffs, killing of animals as a tribute and chanting gibberish to call for evil spirit. Don’t make Y/N cry.” Doyoung stopped in front of five of them and the four boys only nodded out of excitement.

Lucas, Mark, Xiaojun and Hendery was now standing in front of Y/N in the alcohol room of the mansion. She was never been there before and she didn’t even have an idea that this room existed. It was an indoor 5ft pool with a bar on the side of it to where you can chill. It was strictly only for the legal age members and the Dreamies was banned to enter only to when they had reached their legal age.

“As the newest member of now the now largest ’same-age-friends’ in this household, we need to drink this tonight.” Lucas handed her the Dalmore 62 which she doesn’t have an idea what drink it is aside from the fact that it surely an alcohol with a pretty elegant bottle.

“Dude, Sicheng hyung told me she didn’t drink, what if we accidentally alcohol poisoned her?” Mark whispered at his friend while she was busy admiring the beautiful bottle she didn’t have a slightest idea it cost $250 000.

“Chill dude. It’s a one time thing. It won’t hurt.” Lucas answered him with the same tone of voice. Lucas cleared his throat to get her attention again.

“So, at the count of three…”

“ one…”

“ two..”

“THREE!”

Y/N could literally taste the bitterness of the alcohol and how it burns her throat. She bottoms up the shot glass and shove it back to Mark, wiping her lips and waiting for the bitterness to subside.

The four boys cheered on her and they all started the night of celebration.

“There are perks on being a member of this club.” Hendery utter while the five of them was lying on the inflatable pool floating on the indoor pool. Luckily, the roof where the pool was located was convertible and they turned it as transparent glass where they could see the stars at the night sky. They put pillows and blankets where they could lay down comfortably after they finished the bottle of drinks they could count.

“What is it?” Y/N turned her head to her left where Hendery was lying. She hug his arm when he continued talking.

“We could do this hang out from time to time. Talking about things, everything, and it will be protected by our friendship so it must not be shared outside of the group.” Hendery was looking at the stars, eyes sparkling like he was talking about his dreams.

“Is that so?” She answered and looked the the stars again.

“We all have concerns, you know. And it was a relief to hear other people’s concerns. Somehow it comforts us, a reminder that we are not alone feeling that way.” Mark who was positioned at the far right side with Lucas oh his left side.

“I really don’t feel that I deserve this luxury life.” Lucas spoked that made them startled because they thought he passed out from drinking too much. Lucas opened his eyes and look at the stars while his friends are looking at him, waiting for him to continue.

“ I grew up hearing that I have the face of being the heir of Wong, but I am sure to myself that it was only my physical appearance that look expensive like what they said.” You could see Lucas’ eyes got a little sadder for his confession.

“I want to explore the world. I am a child at heart with full of happiness. I maybe tall but I cry easily. I am not a cold hearted, or an asshole who fucks around leaving trails of broken-hearted girls crying.” Lucas got quiet for a minute, absorbing the words he said and being satisfied with it.

“I say I love you easily, whenever I miss people, or home, I say I love you to my friends, out of nowhere just to remind them.” Lucas continued and a moment of silence envelopes them.

“We love you for who you are Lucas. It’s my first time saying this but WayV would not be the same if you are not you.” Xiaojun answered him that made Lucas smile.

“It feel so good knowing that.”

“Sicheng, remind yourself to scold your brothers tomorrow” Sicheng was struggling to lift Y/N and bring her to her room.

“MarklEE stopit…” she slurred and pushed his hands thinking he was Mark.

“Stop moving. I am not Mark.” Sicheng held her arms again and they proceed to walk clumsily. Their little party was finished when Taeyong knocked to check them up only to found the five of them sleeping soundly in the floating pool. Taeyong called Johnny, Jaehyun, Doyoung, and Kun to help the four boys to travel back to their rooms.

“Dong Sicheng, your help is a must here.” Taeyong opened Sicheng’s bedroom door only to found him reading a book at his bed.

“What is it, hyung?” Sicheng closed his book and put it at the bedside table. He removed the comforter from his lap to stand up.

“Your girl is refusing to fo out of that room. I am done, she’s your responsibility now.” Taeyong told him only to furrowed his eyebrows.

“Okay, they welcomed her to be part of their same age friend group and she got pretty drunk.” Sicheng rolled his eyes and he lazily walk to the room to pick up Y/N. He saw her sitting but her eyes was closed and Lucas was crying because Jaehyun and Doyoung was trying to remove his long limbs from hugging Y/N.

Sicheng went to them and he lift Y/N up in bridal style.

“Y’all are a fcking mess.” Doyoung uttered under his breath and that was the last thing Sicheng heard after he exited the room.

“What the —-“ Sicheng couldn’t believe the misfortune he was facing when he tried to open her bedroom door. It was locked and he knew that it would take a lot of time to go to where the spare keys was located. Every step he made was heavy and he couldn’t do anything but to let her sleep to his room.

Sicheng groaned and stretched his back after putting her to his bed. She was sleeping and have no idea what’s happening around her.

“Dejun, why Sicheng hates me?” He was startled when she talked assuming that she was fast asleep. His eyebrows knitted at her drunk question.

She suddenly sat up startling her soulmate and she opened her eyes but couldn’t do it properly.

“He was always acting like I don’t exist. I tried to talk to him but he say… h-hurtful words.” She was now sniffling unaware that she was inside the room of the man she was talking about.

“ Hendery, tell him I’m not a bad person.” She was now assuming that he was Hendery. Sicheng kneel in front of her fix her hair that stick to her face because of her tears. It was out of his personality, but he didn’t questioned it and assumed that it was the soulmate thing that made him do it.

“ He acted in front of our family, I wish he was nice like that everyday and—- Lucas, why it’s so hot in here?” Sicheng couldn’t move from his sitting position when she started to remove her shirt.

“Hey—HEY STOP IT!” Sicheng was about to stand up but failed to when she clutched his shoulders, failed to remove her shirt and she vomited on his shirt.

Sicheng pushed her away and she fall lying down oh his sheet. He couldn’t take the smell of his ruined shirt so he go to the bathroom and remove his shirt. He cleaned himself using a wet washcloth and while doing it, he exited the bathroom to get a shirt but he stopped on his track when he saw her shirt and pants on the floor. He looked at her and she was sitting on the bed, eyes closed and fumbling on her back to remove her brassiere.

“STOP—- OH GOD!” Sicheng immediately closed his eyes, he dropped the washcloth on the floor to blindly walk towards her and stop her, but he couldn’t find her until he heard someone snoring. He hesitated to opened his eyes and thank all gods that she was lying on her stomach, her back facing him but Sicheng immediately blushed when he saw her black panty.

“You’re such a troublemaker.” He tried to not to think a lot, hands shaking when he tried to wrap her using his sheets. He came up to a plan that after wrapping her, he will get two of his shirts, one for him and one for her. He told himself that he will put her in his shirt while closing his eyes

But it was all broken when she drag him to lay down on his bed. He was unable to use his energy to resist her because he was busy on his thoughts.

Sicheng closed his eyes when she sat on his stomach, he have so much respect to her and he bet his life that she would regret everything when she woke up and he didn’t want to look at her body without her consent.

“So warm…” she whispered when she lay dow above him, arms and legs wrapped around his body, her head oh his chest.

His heart accelerated and his body got tensed when he felt her… chest… squished on his stomach. Sicheng tried to closed his eyes and tried to control himself not to think too much about their skin contact. He came up to the conclusion that he will just wait for her to sleep before getting out of the situation.

He look at his bedside table and his clock flashed 4:00 am. He was drained physically and emotionally so he just let her sleep. He drag the sheets that draped on her waist to protect her back from the cold air conditioning.

He waited and failed because he fell asleep on her warm embrace. He never remembered someone gave him this kind of warm that lulled him to his sleep.

—-

Y/N was stirred on her sleep when she felt a cold breeze on her back. She furrowed her eyebrows when she felt so cold at her back but her front body was warm. She noticed that she was hugging her huge pillow.

Huge pillow?

She touches her pillow, trying to identify it while still closing her eyes but suddenly her “pillow” took a deep breath.

Her eyes was shot opened and she supported her body using her palms to check what’s underneath her. She couldn’t speak for a second she saw Sicheng, her soulmate, the one who was ignoring her existence since day one, was peacefully and oh god so handsomely sleeping beneath her.

Sicheng on the other hand was stirred on his sleep, sensing that someone was looking at him. He opened his eyes and he was greeted by Y/N’s shocked face closed to him. On a cue, she screamed at the top of her lungs. Sicheng was fast to close his eyes and a hand blocked his ears while his other hand was still wrapped around her waist, supporting her when he suddenly sat up.

It was when she felt the sheets fell from her waist down to her butt and his eyes glanced for a second on her chest when she became aware that she was only on her panties. Her front was bare and clear for him to see but Sicheng only look at her eyes.

The situation didn’t get any better when the door suddenly opened, revealing Taeyong, with the whole 127 boys, on their way to have their breakfast and was about to wake up Sicheng to drag it from his bed, assuming that he was still asleep, just something to annoy him, but he’s not.

Sicheng was fast and nobody saw anything and they couldn’t process at first when he grab her to his chest and protect her “dignity” from the nine boys. He turned his back from the door and his back was the only thing displayed on their eyes. Sicheng grab the sheets and covered her lower body, avoiding the non existent distance of their chest.

“GET OUT!” and the boys was scrambling out of the door, shutting it closed and all the two of them heard was the running footsteps away from Sicheng’s room.

“AHHH!” She screamed and pushed him away, dragging the sheets on her waist up to her chest. Y/N was now crying her eyes out. She didn't know what to feel. So exposed? Taken for granted?

“Stop crying, ugh.” Sicheng got out of his bed and stretched his body. Her weight might be light but still his body didn’t got used to it. He let her cried, waiting for her to calm herself down.

“Why am I n-naked? At your b-bed?” She asked between her sobs. She was looking at his naked back, stretching, his back muscles flexing, but that was not the case for now.

“We had sex. You ride me.” Sicheng said on a monotone voice, like he was asked to what’s his name. She couldn’t believe on what she heard.

“W-we h-had?” Her lips were trembling. She couldn’t speak properly. How could she let her first time be with someone she didn’t love and worst, she couldn’t remember what happened. She planned all along that her first time is for someone whom she will love, marry and on her honeymoon. Basically, for Sicheng because he was her soulmate but they barely knew each other! They barely talked, never been in a date, or have feelings with each other and yet he already got did the home run.

“What’s that?” She asked, already felt down. Sicheng looked at her, he didn’t know what she was talking about. She was still crying and was afraid to hear anything about last night but still she asked him. It was her first time for crying out loud of course she will ask him, no matter how embarrassing it was.

“What’s what?”

“ Ride. What’s ‘ride you’ supposed to mean?” Her face was red, eyebrows furrowed to glare at him, lips pouting but her innocent question is what made him laugh.

Sicheng never laughed like this for a long time and to her perspective, it was strange to see him laughing, especially on their situation.

“Get up. Let’s have something to eat first and then we will get the key to unlock your room.” When Sicheng finished putting on a shirt, he grab a pair of white shirt and one of his boxer shorts, he helped her put it on after she found her bra hanging on his bedside lamp.

“When will you stop crying huh?” Sicheng was getting annoyed at her. He was dealing with her crying for the past 6 hours.

“What would you expect from me? Celebrating? After you took my virginity.” She sobbed after she put the shirt on with his help. Their gesture seems so natural for both of them and they even didn’t noticed that they are in sync.

“I was just lying, stop crying ok?” He saw how relieved she is but still looking at him suspiciously.

“Are you sure there’s no baby in my stomach?” She asked like a child that made Sicheng almost smile.

“There’s none. Let’s go. I’m hungry. You have a HUGE debt from making me suffer.”

The dining table was quite that only the utensils can be heard. The 127 couldn’t look at the soulmates, after they saw earlier.

“Why are you all suddenly so quiet like an innocent lamb?” Ten asked looking at Doyoung who was focused on his plate like he was inside the operation room and Jaehyun who’s ears were so red.

“We walked in Sicheng and Y/N having sex.” Haechan may be shy but it didn’t stopped his honest mouth to say what he saw, earning curses and choking reactions from the table.

“WE ARE NOT. WE DID’T DO THAT. NO. YOU TOOK IN ON A WRONG WAY.” Y/N was immediately on her feet to defend the two of them while Sicheng was quiet and peacefully eating his food.

“You’re not allowed to drink from now on.” Sicheng said, and they all looked at him.

“Who are you to say that?” She was annoyed on how he dictates her life as if he owned her.

“I am the one who didn’t left you to sleep outside your door and cleaned your mess. If you tried to drink again and got drunk, you’ll be straight up in my room.” Sicheng assumed that if he let her dink again and let her sleep to their room, she will start removing her clothes.

“You’re so mean.” She whispered and the boys couldn’t help but to smile.

Finally! The two of them are starting to talk to each other even if it’s basically bickering.

[My ask box is always open :)]

20 notes · View notes

maxsix · 4 years

Text

MVNALYSIS: GOD’S MENU by STRAY KIDS

Hello friends, seeing as 2020 is going down in flames anyways, there seems like no better time than to start my MV Analysis series, MVNALYSIS. Storytelling and cinematography are both important but the technical aspect is definitely more interesting to me. If you’ve followed me for any length of time, you’d know how often I yell about a good lighting scheme so this is just an extension of that.

There have been some great MVs this year but the one that really lit my fuse and prompted me to do this is God’s Menu by Stray Kids. If you haven’t seen it yet, go watch it first then come back. This is very long so if you’re not really interested in the technical aspects of music videos then I would definitely recommend scrolling past.

1) The Cyberpunk-Anime Intro tracking shot. That flourescent-neon title card reminds me of cyberpunk aesthetic, especially if you’ve seen the trailer for Cyberpunk 2077. I really love title cards because they remind me of old movies and cartoons. To throw it up so nonchanlantly immediately sets the vibe and subconsciously triggers your mind to think about when you last saw something like that, be it a video game or anime or a movie. They use it a lot more often than other groups and I never noticed until I went back to watch a few of their videos for this post.

The Intro to God’s Menu is both a sonic and visual assault. It’s so fcking good that I am almost sad I will never get to watch it again for the first time.

That tracking shot for Changbin is just beautiful perfection because it has three levels of depth and a very controlled use of blocking. The deepest level is the chaos in the background, the main level is Changbin and the most superficial level is the one closest to the camera, with the marching band player. Interestingly, the movement and speed of each level progresses in descending order: the background is crazy busy, Changbin is moving through at a controlled pace and the marching band player is almost still, like a sign post to reiterate the depth of field.

There are a few really famous and amazing tracking shots, so I’m just going to link them here if you are interested in camera work: Atonement (legendary tbh), 1917 (deserved the cinematography Oscar), Ava Adore (you can see the track they used for the whole video) and the Baby Driver introduction has one of the best tracking shots but I won’t link to it out of respect for people who might be triggered.

Sometimes you watch something and you don’t know why it’s so cool. Well, this is why it’s so cool. This is why some MVs are so interesting to re-watch and why others have no re-watch value at all.

2) Transitions and editing. Oh boy. The fcking transitions. Sometimes people think of them like a cheap trick in the vein of a horror movie jump scare but when you see a good transition, 'cheap’ should be the last word you think of. All the transitions are worth mentioning: Changbin seemingly changing the frame with his hand, Han’s mid-choreo transition and Hyunjin’s forced perspective to mimic the spotlight. I suppose they are are little flashy and tricked-out but it doesn’t change how cool they look. The video editer deserves all the credit for this one.

It’s seems obvious but I can’t ignore the stop-motion DuDuDuDu editing either. It does exactly what the music does in that moment: it’s jarring and abrupt and literally like shots fired and bleeding red. Sometimes literal interpretations are cringey and don’t work but sometimes they work so well you wish everyone was on this level.

A more subtle transition is one that I don’t see a lot of people talking about but it’s when the music shifts from the heavy rap to the smoother vocals. The first time it happens we went from the dark enclosed confines of Han’s kitchen rap to vast open air of the cars racing. The smooth flow of the vocals is echoed in the smooth silent roll of the car tires and then the smooth choreo from Bangchan with that bright God ray lens flare. It’s just like a smooth smooth smooth flow of water after total chaos and that’s exactly what the music is trying to do: the rap is a spicy meal, the vocals are a glass of cool water. Seriously, this MV is so well thought out and well planned. It’s like the director actually listened to the track. What a crazy notion, heh.

3) Robot Camera. If you’re not sure which part I mean, it’s basically during Han’s rap, Felix’s 5 Star Michelin part and the subtle camera tilt for the group choreo. You can see it in action in their ‘Making Of’ video. You’ve probably seen this used before, most notably on Jungkook for DNA but I think it was made really popular in music MVs when Kendrick Lamar did it for Humble. Everyone is using it now but I still love it. No human can film with that precision and it’s seriously cool use of tech. I like that they didn’t overuse it though because it would’ve felt too repetitive. Restraint? In Kpop? Hell really has frozen over today.

4) The colour and lighting. It’s generally really well lit and coloured but the most remarkable thing to point out here is that God’s Menu has only four sets. It feels like it has some meat and depth to it because they used those four sets to their full capacities. In contrast, I think I counted 9 sets for GOT7′s ‘Not By The Moon’ and let’s be honest, they were all kind of wasted.

The scrapyard set is used four times with four different lighting schemes and you barely notice how repetitive it is because they all look so different. The garage scene is my favourite example of good depth of field because they’re in a tiny confined area for choreo but it doesn’t actually feel tiny or confined because of the huge open grandstand in the background.

Also. It’s rad how the video goes from day to night. I didn’t even notice until the third or fourth re-watch.

5) Kendrick Lamar. I just wanted to spend a little time on this point because I hear and see his influence on God’s Menu. Obviously, Kendrick doesn’t have a patent or copyright on use of RoboCams but the main backing track is very Humble-esque and the DuDuDu reminds me of old KL. It’s a little grating tbh but the producer at least showed some restraint with it. Any more of the DDD part and it would’ve been too obnoxious to listen to.

6) Styling. I really love these black outfits because they look like a cross between a karate uniform/dobok and black chef aprons. I wasn’t really sure why they went with the racetrack imagery but there is something about this entire MV that reminds me of anime/manga...and then I remembered that Initial D existed. If you’ve never heard of Initial D until now? You’re welcome.

Oh and Hyunjin’s hair. Damm.

7) Bias: Okay, I’m Australian and I used to live in Sydney so part of me has always been invested in Chris and Felix. But. I have to be straight with you all, that tag-team of Changbin and Han is insane. Insane, I tell you! I wish I could hear that rap intro again for the very first time. It’s like when I heard Mingi’s rap in Wonderland for the first time. Some things are just inexplicable.

8) Conclusion: This is one of the best MVs JYPE has ever made and it’s not even story driven. The modern tech and insane editing is truly next level and I hope people appreciate the work that went into it instead of just seeing it as another flashy kpop video with no substance just because it’s not “deep and meaningful”.

12 notes · View notes

jimdsmith34 · 6 years

Text

Being Single Is F*cking Horrible, So We Need To Stop Lying To Ourselves

This will not be polite.

Honestly, if I have to read one more article about how fabulous it is to be single, Im going to throw up in my mouth.

Thanks, but get out of here.

Lets not glorify a subject that makes me want to drown my single sorrows in a bottle of malt liquor, shall we?

The fact of it is, Im so cool, and everybody else sucks.

But, Im the one whos single, and these people are the ones with boyfriends.

Give me a couple seconds while I yoga breathe my way through making sense of this, and then I’ll continue with that vomit-in-my-mouth feeling.

Im not saying being single is always a disaster.

Being single is amazing when youre in college, when you feel like Samantha Jones is your spirit animal or when youre going through a colossal reinvention and dont want any dicksto steal your focus.

But being single isnt so amazing when youre too amazing to be single.

I can be jaded, and hell yes, I can be bitter.

And half the time, all I want to do is chew a bunch of Xanax and pass out for two weeks straight, just so I dont have to dwell on my dire relationship status.

But instead, I will take the classier approach to believing in my inner-cool and not-psycho self.

I’ll pour all that good energy into the world and hope itll boomerang back to me (or something).

“Like hello, love? Are you there?”

“Ive been a really great girl this year!”

“Cant you come and find me, please?”

If anything is going to boomerang back to me at this point, it doesnt feel like its going to be love.

I just feel like Im so beyond this.

I dont want to feel like I could star in my own comedy show about my most awkward sexual encounters.

I dont want to learn any more lessons that feel as confusing as science projects.

I dont want to feel like I could write a novel about the worst pick-up lines Ive ever had the displeasure of experiencing firsthand.

So where are all these boy meets girl stories?

I want to be the girl at the caf who needs the milk and meetsthe boy holding the milk, and then we fall inlove forever (or whatever).

Im also willing to get hit by a cab, if thats what it takes to fall in love.

I just feel as though the universe has already put a certain amount of these scenarios on the Earth, and theyve already been used up by every other basic bitch.

Here I am, sloshing through a typhoon of subpar experiences that everybody tells me will only help me realize what it is I want and dont want in a relationship.

You live. You learn.

Okay, well, Im also not Alanis Morissette.

I know what I want, and I know what I dont want.

There is no silver lining.

I shouldnt need another shot of tequila to try to convince myself this dude doesnt already completely annoy the sh*t out of me.

I shouldnt have to hear how guys are just too intimidated by pretty, intelligent girls and are terrified of rejection.

If youre not going to talk to me first like a true man, then stop undressing me with your eyes from across the room.

Then, I can go back to chuggingdrinks without any expectations, and I can keep texting my friends about how I hate everyone tonight.

Im at the point now where I either need to move to Alaska (where the ratio of men to women is two to one), become a lesbian or get a new vibrator (along with 10 cats) and call it my own happily ever after.

My mother suggested I go to a museum or get a new hobby, as if climbing a wall or seeing a Matisse will suddenly fulfill that gaping hole in my life.

And it only gets worsebecause everybody who is taken sucks.

I just dont get it.

They say babe 100times a day.

They are the chronic daters.

They are the ones who drink pinot grigio at sports bars and dont know how to cook dinner.

And what is it with these couples never matching?

The guy is always hotter, and the girl is maybe a seven (at best) and always has a stink eye.

She probably turned him into a vegan, cries when she gets wasted and forces him into every duck-faced selfie on her Instagram.

But, hes just as bad for giving in to it, and I could never envy that kind of passive dude.

So carry on, boy and girl vanilla.

Im just the queen of doggy style over here, and I can cook a lasagna to save the world.

I’m simply looking for a permanent shuffleboard partner wholl screw me whether I win or lose and not feel the need to cuddle after.

But those two can enjoy their brunch.

Im just gonna go home alone, drink a beer and masturbate.

And thats when Facebook happens.

I dont know why I still have it.

The only posts I can stand these days are either about hockey, ugly dogs or bacon.

Otherwise, I just cant because of all the marriage and the babies.

“Oh, I remember that girl from college.She was always hooking up with a different guy every other day,and now she has two kids whose names begin with the same letter.”

“What is up with thosepregnancy pictures?”

“Why do they have to make hearts with their hands like that?”

“Are they really that happy smiling at an aquarium or under an apple tree?”

I get that people change.

I just dont get how these psycho or boring people have found love and lives for themselves (even if a little clichd), and I havent.

Even others youd never imagine those with daddy issues, those who sort of look like horses or those who have meltdowns over French toast that doesn’t have enough butter are the ones with the boyfriends who are both good on paper and have beards.

I just cant deal with itfor one more second.

I guess its good, though, that in this barren love life of mine, I still believe in how cool I am, regardless of how much everybody else sucks.

I just dont want to be single anymore.

I want to be done f*cking around, so I can give myself wholly to one person who doesnt give a sh*t about all thedumbass sh*t I dont careabout, either.

I just want to order delivery with two sets of plastic forks and have the same man kiss me forever.

Is that really too much to ask for in life?

source http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/01/being-single-is-fcking-horrible-so-we-need-to-stop-lying-to-ourselves/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2017/12/being-single-is-fcking-horrible-so-we.html

0 notes

adambstingus · 6 years

Text

Being Single Is F*cking Horrible, So We Need To Stop Lying To Ourselves

This will not be polite.

Honestly, if I have to read one more article about how fabulous it is to be single, Im going to throw up in my mouth.

Thanks, but get out of here.

Lets not glorify a subject that makes me want to drown my single sorrows in a bottle of malt liquor, shall we?

The fact of it is, Im so cool, and everybody else sucks.

But, Im the one whos single, and these people are the ones with boyfriends.

Give me a couple seconds while I yoga breathe my way through making sense of this, and then I’ll continue with that vomit-in-my-mouth feeling.

Im not saying being single is always a disaster.

Being single is amazing when youre in college, when you feel like Samantha Jones is your spirit animal or when youre going through a colossal reinvention and dont want any dicksto steal your focus.

But being single isnt so amazing when youre too amazing to be single.

I can be jaded, and hell yes, I can be bitter.

And half the time, all I want to do is chew a bunch of Xanax and pass out for two weeks straight, just so I dont have to dwell on my dire relationship status.

But instead, I will take the classier approach to believing in my inner-cool and not-psycho self.

I’ll pour all that good energy into the world and hope itll boomerang back to me (or something).

“Like hello, love? Are you there?”

“Ive been a really great girl this year!”

“Cant you come and find me, please?”

If anything is going to boomerang back to me at this point, it doesnt feel like its going to be love.

I just feel like Im so beyond this.

I dont want to feel like I could star in my own comedy show about my most awkward sexual encounters.

I dont want to learn any more lessons that feel as confusing as science projects.

I dont want to feel like I could write a novel about the worst pick-up lines Ive ever had the displeasure of experiencing firsthand.

So where are all these boy meets girl stories?

I want to be the girl at the caf who needs the milk and meetsthe boy holding the milk, and then we fall inlove forever (or whatever).

Im also willing to get hit by a cab, if thats what it takes to fall in love.

I just feel as though the universe has already put a certain amount of these scenarios on the Earth, and theyve already been used up by every other basic bitch.

Here I am, sloshing through a typhoon of subpar experiences that everybody tells me will only help me realize what it is I want and dont want in a relationship.

You live. You learn.

Okay, well, Im also not Alanis Morissette.

I know what I want, and I know what I dont want.

There is no silver lining.

I shouldnt need another shot of tequila to try to convince myself this dude doesnt already completely annoy the sh*t out of me.

I shouldnt have to hear how guys are just too intimidated by pretty, intelligent girls and are terrified of rejection.

If youre not going to talk to me first like a true man, then stop undressing me with your eyes from across the room.

Then, I can go back to chuggingdrinks without any expectations, and I can keep texting my friends about how I hate everyone tonight.

My mother suggested I go to a museum or get a new hobby, as if climbing a wall or seeing a Matisse will suddenly fulfill that gaping hole in my life.

And it only gets worsebecause everybody who is taken sucks.

I just dont get it.

They say babe 100times a day.

They are the chronic daters.

They are the ones who drink pinot grigio at sports bars and dont know how to cook dinner.

And what is it with these couples never matching?

The guy is always hotter, and the girl is maybe a seven (at best) and always has a stink eye.

She probably turned him into a vegan, cries when she gets wasted and forces him into every duck-faced selfie on her Instagram.

But, hes just as bad for giving in to it, and I could never envy that kind of passive dude.

So carry on, boy and girl vanilla.

Im just the queen of doggy style over here, and I can cook a lasagna to save the world.

I’m simply looking for a permanent shuffleboard partner wholl screw me whether I win or lose and not feel the need to cuddle after.

But those two can enjoy their brunch.

Im just gonna go home alone, drink a beer and masturbate.

And thats when Facebook happens.

I dont know why I still have it.

The only posts I can stand these days are either about hockey, ugly dogs or bacon.

Otherwise, I just cant because of all the marriage and the babies.

“Oh, I remember that girl from college.She was always hooking up with a different guy every other day,and now she has two kids whose names begin with the same letter.”

“What is up with thosepregnancy pictures?”

“Why do they have to make hearts with their hands like that?”

“Are they really that happy smiling at an aquarium or under an apple tree?”

I get that people change.

I just dont get how these psycho or boring people have found love and lives for themselves (even if a little clichd), and I havent.

I just cant deal with itfor one more second.

I guess its good, though, that in this barren love life of mine, I still believe in how cool I am, regardless of how much everybody else sucks.

I just dont want to be single anymore.

I want to be done f*cking around, so I can give myself wholly to one person who doesnt give a sh*t about all thedumbass sh*t I dont careabout, either.

I just want to order delivery with two sets of plastic forks and have the same man kiss me forever.

Is that really too much to ask for in life?

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/01/being-single-is-fcking-horrible-so-we-need-to-stop-lying-to-ourselves/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/168071955292

0 notes

samanthasroberts · 6 years

Text

Being Single Is F*cking Horrible, So We Need To Stop Lying To Ourselves

This will not be polite.

Honestly, if I have to read one more article about how fabulous it is to be single, Im going to throw up in my mouth.

Thanks, but get out of here.

Lets not glorify a subject that makes me want to drown my single sorrows in a bottle of malt liquor, shall we?

The fact of it is, Im so cool, and everybody else sucks.

But, Im the one whos single, and these people are the ones with boyfriends.

Give me a couple seconds while I yoga breathe my way through making sense of this, and then I’ll continue with that vomit-in-my-mouth feeling.

Im not saying being single is always a disaster.

Being single is amazing when youre in college, when you feel like Samantha Jones is your spirit animal or when youre going through a colossal reinvention and dont want any dicksto steal your focus.

But being single isnt so amazing when youre too amazing to be single.

I can be jaded, and hell yes, I can be bitter.

And half the time, all I want to do is chew a bunch of Xanax and pass out for two weeks straight, just so I dont have to dwell on my dire relationship status.

But instead, I will take the classier approach to believing in my inner-cool and not-psycho self.

I’ll pour all that good energy into the world and hope itll boomerang back to me (or something).

“Like hello, love? Are you there?”

“Ive been a really great girl this year!”

“Cant you come and find me, please?”

If anything is going to boomerang back to me at this point, it doesnt feel like its going to be love.

I just feel like Im so beyond this.

I dont want to feel like I could star in my own comedy show about my most awkward sexual encounters.

I dont want to learn any more lessons that feel as confusing as science projects.

I dont want to feel like I could write a novel about the worst pick-up lines Ive ever had the displeasure of experiencing firsthand.

So where are all these boy meets girl stories?

I want to be the girl at the caf who needs the milk and meetsthe boy holding the milk, and then we fall inlove forever (or whatever).

Im also willing to get hit by a cab, if thats what it takes to fall in love.

I just feel as though the universe has already put a certain amount of these scenarios on the Earth, and theyve already been used up by every other basic bitch.

Here I am, sloshing through a typhoon of subpar experiences that everybody tells me will only help me realize what it is I want and dont want in a relationship.

You live. You learn.

Okay, well, Im also not Alanis Morissette.

I know what I want, and I know what I dont want.

There is no silver lining.

I shouldnt need another shot of tequila to try to convince myself this dude doesnt already completely annoy the sh*t out of me.

I shouldnt have to hear how guys are just too intimidated by pretty, intelligent girls and are terrified of rejection.

If youre not going to talk to me first like a true man, then stop undressing me with your eyes from across the room.

Then, I can go back to chuggingdrinks without any expectations, and I can keep texting my friends about how I hate everyone tonight.

My mother suggested I go to a museum or get a new hobby, as if climbing a wall or seeing a Matisse will suddenly fulfill that gaping hole in my life.

And it only gets worsebecause everybody who is taken sucks.

I just dont get it.

They say babe 100times a day.

They are the chronic daters.

They are the ones who drink pinot grigio at sports bars and dont know how to cook dinner.

And what is it with these couples never matching?

The guy is always hotter, and the girl is maybe a seven (at best) and always has a stink eye.

She probably turned him into a vegan, cries when she gets wasted and forces him into every duck-faced selfie on her Instagram.

But, hes just as bad for giving in to it, and I could never envy that kind of passive dude.

So carry on, boy and girl vanilla.

Im just the queen of doggy style over here, and I can cook a lasagna to save the world.

I’m simply looking for a permanent shuffleboard partner wholl screw me whether I win or lose and not feel the need to cuddle after.

But those two can enjoy their brunch.

Im just gonna go home alone, drink a beer and masturbate.

And thats when Facebook happens.

I dont know why I still have it.

The only posts I can stand these days are either about hockey, ugly dogs or bacon.

Otherwise, I just cant because of all the marriage and the babies.

“Oh, I remember that girl from college.She was always hooking up with a different guy every other day,and now she has two kids whose names begin with the same letter.”

“What is up with thosepregnancy pictures?”

“Why do they have to make hearts with their hands like that?”

“Are they really that happy smiling at an aquarium or under an apple tree?”

I get that people change.

I just dont get how these psycho or boring people have found love and lives for themselves (even if a little clichd), and I havent.

I just cant deal with itfor one more second.

I guess its good, though, that in this barren love life of mine, I still believe in how cool I am, regardless of how much everybody else sucks.

I just dont want to be single anymore.

I want to be done f*cking around, so I can give myself wholly to one person who doesnt give a sh*t about all thedumbass sh*t I dont careabout, either.

I just want to order delivery with two sets of plastic forks and have the same man kiss me forever.

Is that really too much to ask for in life?

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/01/being-single-is-fcking-horrible-so-we-need-to-stop-lying-to-ourselves/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/12/01/being-single-is-fcking-horrible-so-we-need-to-stop-lying-to-ourselves/

0 notes

allofbeercom · 6 years

Text

Being Single Is F*cking Horrible, So We Need To Stop Lying To Ourselves

This will not be polite.

Honestly, if I have to read one more article about how fabulous it is to be single, Im going to throw up in my mouth.

Thanks, but get out of here.

Lets not glorify a subject that makes me want to drown my single sorrows in a bottle of malt liquor, shall we?

The fact of it is, Im so cool, and everybody else sucks.

But, Im the one whos single, and these people are the ones with boyfriends.

Give me a couple seconds while I yoga breathe my way through making sense of this, and then I’ll continue with that vomit-in-my-mouth feeling.

Im not saying being single is always a disaster.

Being single is amazing when youre in college, when you feel like Samantha Jones is your spirit animal or when youre going through a colossal reinvention and dont want any dicksto steal your focus.

But being single isnt so amazing when youre too amazing to be single.

I can be jaded, and hell yes, I can be bitter.

And half the time, all I want to do is chew a bunch of Xanax and pass out for two weeks straight, just so I dont have to dwell on my dire relationship status.

But instead, I will take the classier approach to believing in my inner-cool and not-psycho self.

I’ll pour all that good energy into the world and hope itll boomerang back to me (or something).

“Like hello, love? Are you there?”

“Ive been a really great girl this year!”

“Cant you come and find me, please?”

If anything is going to boomerang back to me at this point, it doesnt feel like its going to be love.

I just feel like Im so beyond this.

I dont want to feel like I could star in my own comedy show about my most awkward sexual encounters.

I dont want to learn any more lessons that feel as confusing as science projects.

I dont want to feel like I could write a novel about the worst pick-up lines Ive ever had the displeasure of experiencing firsthand.

So where are all these boy meets girl stories?

I want to be the girl at the caf who needs the milk and meetsthe boy holding the milk, and then we fall inlove forever (or whatever).

Im also willing to get hit by a cab, if thats what it takes to fall in love.

I just feel as though the universe has already put a certain amount of these scenarios on the Earth, and theyve already been used up by every other basic bitch.

Here I am, sloshing through a typhoon of subpar experiences that everybody tells me will only help me realize what it is I want and dont want in a relationship.

You live. You learn.

Okay, well, Im also not Alanis Morissette.

I know what I want, and I know what I dont want.

There is no silver lining.

I shouldnt need another shot of tequila to try to convince myself this dude doesnt already completely annoy the sh*t out of me.

I shouldnt have to hear how guys are just too intimidated by pretty, intelligent girls and are terrified of rejection.

If youre not going to talk to me first like a true man, then stop undressing me with your eyes from across the room.

Then, I can go back to chuggingdrinks without any expectations, and I can keep texting my friends about how I hate everyone tonight.

My mother suggested I go to a museum or get a new hobby, as if climbing a wall or seeing a Matisse will suddenly fulfill that gaping hole in my life.

And it only gets worsebecause everybody who is taken sucks.

I just dont get it.

They say babe 100times a day.

They are the chronic daters.

They are the ones who drink pinot grigio at sports bars and dont know how to cook dinner.

And what is it with these couples never matching?

The guy is always hotter, and the girl is maybe a seven (at best) and always has a stink eye.

She probably turned him into a vegan, cries when she gets wasted and forces him into every duck-faced selfie on her Instagram.

But, hes just as bad for giving in to it, and I could never envy that kind of passive dude.

So carry on, boy and girl vanilla.

Im just the queen of doggy style over here, and I can cook a lasagna to save the world.

I’m simply looking for a permanent shuffleboard partner wholl screw me whether I win or lose and not feel the need to cuddle after.

But those two can enjoy their brunch.

Im just gonna go home alone, drink a beer and masturbate.

And thats when Facebook happens.

I dont know why I still have it.

The only posts I can stand these days are either about hockey, ugly dogs or bacon.

Otherwise, I just cant because of all the marriage and the babies.

“Oh, I remember that girl from college.She was always hooking up with a different guy every other day,and now she has two kids whose names begin with the same letter.”

“What is up with thosepregnancy pictures?”

“Why do they have to make hearts with their hands like that?”

“Are they really that happy smiling at an aquarium or under an apple tree?”

I get that people change.

I just dont get how these psycho or boring people have found love and lives for themselves (even if a little clichd), and I havent.

I just cant deal with itfor one more second.

I guess its good, though, that in this barren love life of mine, I still believe in how cool I am, regardless of how much everybody else sucks.

I just dont want to be single anymore.

I want to be done f*cking around, so I can give myself wholly to one person who doesnt give a sh*t about all thedumbass sh*t I dont careabout, either.

I just want to order delivery with two sets of plastic forks and have the same man kiss me forever.

Is that really too much to ask for in life?

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/01/being-single-is-fcking-horrible-so-we-need-to-stop-lying-to-ourselves/

0 notes