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arcadianstuff · 4 years

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Movie Night ( Douxie x reader)

You’re having a movie night at your house, inviting your friends: An odd bunch made up of aliens, trolls, troll hunters and wizards. Plus a talking cat. Oh and Toby.

Stand alone fic

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Judging from the screeching sounds coming from your kitchen, you guessed it wasn’t a good idea to let Aja and Krel handle making the snacks. All it was was was some popcorn, and yet it sounded like they were taking apart a motorcycle in there.

You glanced around your living room, which was currently way too packed considering there were two trolls, five teenagers and one wizard crammed in. Your eyes landed on Jim, who was sitting on the couch next to Claire, arm around her as they laughed.

“Jim, hate to ruin the really cute moment but could you go in the kitchen and save our snacks please.” Asking your cousin nicely, you watched him scowl as you wiggled your eyebrows at the pair.

Laughter erupted from Claire but she also turned bright red. Jim on the other hand gave you a small scowl but quickly lightened up, smiling as he nodded.

“Sure thing cuz.” He got up waving as he headed into the kitchen to fix the damage your alien friends probably caused.

“You know you and Jim are really cute. You guys really found each other.”

Once Jim got up you took his place next to Claire, sitting down cross legged on the comfy sofa.

“Yeah I guess we did, there’s nobody else like Jim. He’s something special.”

A warm smile graced Claire’s lips as she looked lovingly towards the kitchen where Jim was. Although it was slightly sickening sometimes to see how much they loved each other, you were happy for the pair. Especially, since Jim was your younger cousin and you wanted to see him happy.

“Oh yeah he’s special alright, Trollhunter by night and just below average student by day.”

You made sure to say the last part just loud enough for Jim to hear, who let out a squawk of indignation from the kitchen causing the others around you to laugh.

On the floor, Toby was arguing with Steve and Eli about what film to watch. It was currently between Killer Robot 3, Ouija Board and Holiday Romance....Yes, Steve did choose Holiday Romance but he kept on denying it and saying Eli chose it. Of course Eli went along with it, being the supportive friend that he is.

Unbeknownst to you all, Aaaargh was happily sat on the bean bag in the corner, chomping away on some old DVDs and VHSs, happy that everybody was safe for once.

“You humans have very strange forms of entertainment. What is this contraption ? Oh it glows.”

Beside you and Claire, Blinky pressed down on the button that turned your lava lamp on. It was a gift you’d gotten from your boyfriend Douxie, who was running late at the moment with the pizza you’d asked for.

Blinky watched fascinated as the lava floated from the bottom of the lamp, until it reached the top, and slowly descended down again. It was amusing to watch the scholar be entranced by something so simple.

“Hey where’s Douxie with the pizza ? I’m starting to get hungry.”

Claire spoke from beside you and, as if to confirm her hunger, her stomach growled moments later leaving her a little embarrassed and you giggling.

“He should be here soon. For someone who’s been alive for nearly a Millenium you’d think he’d learn to tell the time”

You responded jokingly, making Claire laugh and the person who’d just entered through your doorway.

“Cheeky love.”

You turned around quickly to see your boyfriend standing there in all his punk glory carrying six pizzas and a bag of fizzy drinks.

“Wooooo food !!”

Cheering, the teens got off their butts and ran over to Douxie, practically trampling him as they snatched the food away, having not eaten for hours, before quickly running back to sit down in front of the TV.

With a laugh, you got off your feet and made your way over to the wizard, who looked like he’d walked through a tornado. His lips curved into a smile at the sight of you, his lovely girlfriend in sweatpants and a Papa Skull T-shirt (that was definitely his).

“Hello love.”

He greeted you with a kiss on the cheek which you returned, kissing him gently on the lips as his arms entwined around you.

“Oooooooooooooo.”

Four snickering teens giggled at the pair of you as you broke apart. Your face had turned beet red whilst Douxie just rolled his eyes.

“Get a room you two.”

Steve hollered, pizza cheese smeared along his upper lip.

“Well Steve this is my room so.”

You snarked back with a laugh watching as Eli tried to wipe the cheese off of Steve’s face with a napkin. Sadly, Steve was not enjoying being babied by his friend and was thrashing around.

“Stop it pepperjack. What are you doing bro!”

You rolled your eyes at the pair of arguing teenagers, watching as Claire and Toby debated over which film to watch as Blinky came to join them.

“Hey Aaarrghh come over here big guy, got a space for you here.”

You called your large troll friend over who had struggled to fit into your “cave”, as he’d put it, due to its small size but you’d cleared a space just by the sofa for him, having pushed back some furniture.

Grateful for the consideration Aaaargh, with a bit of clumsiness, plopped down in the space, right next to his wingman Toby.

“Thank you. (y/n) is very kind.”

His large hand patted you on the head as he thanked you, smiling widely.

A giggle left your lips as you told him it was nothing, still cuddled up under Douxie’ arm.

“Hey Doux Im gonna go check on the kids in the kitchen. It’s suddenly gotten very quiet. Try and get them to choose a film please.”

You untangled yourself from under Douxie’s arm and made your way into the kitchen.

“Im not a bloomin babysitter love.”

Douxie let out a little grumble as he glanced at the now full on arguing teenagers who couldn’t pick a film for the life of them.

The kitchen was, well to put it lightly, a distaster. Butter and popcorn scattered the floor and surfaces. Some strange yellow liquid was smeared across the cabinet doors, and a strange machine that resembled a blender stood in the middle of your kitchen.

Aja and Krel were rushing around trying to clean up the mess, whilst Jim was microwaving the rest of the popcorn that had survived the ordeal.

“You know what I’m not even going to ask.”

You waved a hand and left them to it, not really feeling like stressing out over something so small. Plus you knew they’d clean it up properly....eventually.

Back in the living room, Claire was standing on the sofa pointing an accusing finger at the boys who were clutching onto Robot Killer 3.

“We are not watching that stupid excuse of a film !”

From out of nowhere she whipped out her shadow staff which darkened with power, a sign that she was getting serious.

Eli and Steve gulped nervously, backing up behind Tobes who brought out his war hammer. The pair locked eyes, filling the room with as much atmospheric tension as a stand off in a Westen movie.

“Now Tobias and miss Claire we can figure this out without resorting to violence.”

Blinky, sensing the tension, stepped in as he was sort of the pseudo-parent around here. He reached out and pushed down their weapons, giving them both a stern look. Whilst that was happening Steve and Eli had quickly escaped over to Aaaargh, hiding behind him for protection.

“No fighting wingman. Watch fun film. No violence.”

Aaarghh’s request settled both Toby and Claire down, who hadnt even considered that Aaaargh couldn’t watch a film with too much violence in it. It’d probably trigger his PTSD and make him too anxious.

“Yeah wingman we can watch Holiday Romance.”

Sighing, a little dejectedly ,Toby agreed with Aaaargh smiling at him.

“Oh yeahhh !!!”

From behind Aaaargh, Steve’s head poked round as he celebrated and started whooping, until he saw the surprised looks on everybody’s faces.

“I mean pshhhh lame, that films for chicks.”

Trying to play it cool or crispy, he sauntered out from behind Aaaargh, followed by Eli and laid down in the sofa only making a small amount of room for Eli.

“Uhuh sure Steve sure.”

Claire and Toby laughed a little as they plopped down in front of the sofa, Blinky between them. You looked round and saw your boyfriend in the armchair in the corner of your living room, stroking Archie who must’ve flown in through the open window.

Noticing you looking at him Douxie winked at you, smirking a little at the way you blushed. Rolling your eyes, you smiled amused before looking at the kitchen as Jim, Aja and Krel emerged with minimal scathing.

“We have corn that is popped !” Krel cheered shoving the popcorn into your face as if to emphasise his point.

“Nice job Krel, I knew I could count on you guys....”

You let out a small laugh as you trailed off thinking about the mess your kitchen had been in and hoping that they’d cleaned it up the best they could.

“Hey wheres the pizza ?”

Jim’s question caused you to look away from Krel’s bowl of popcorn and to look around the room. Sadly, you only found empty pizza boxes and four very guilty looking teens.

“Hey sorry Jimbo. Got hungry you know, missed out on dinner.”

Toby scratched his head nervously as he admitted to eating the last of the pizza. The others looked just as guilty, especially Steve who still had a cheese moustache that Eli had failed to wipe off.

“Oh fudgeknuckles, fine I’ll go get some more.”

Sighing, annoyed, Douxie got up from his chair, pushing poor Archie off onto the ground who looked very unhappy with the action. A few cheers ensued as the two alien royals and troll hunter made themselves comfortable among the others in front of the TV.

“Thanks Douxie, can you get pepperoni.”

Jim smiled genuinely at Douxie as he asked for his order whilst Krel beside him was trying to make up his mind.

“Oh oh ! Can I have the one with the fruit and meet on it...what I’d it called...hoowian...Hawan....”

Struggling to place the name of the pizza Krel scratched his head looking a little frustrated.

Aja suddenly appeared enlightened next to Steve and let out a yell of:

“Hawaiian ! You want Hawaiian pizza !”

Krel smiled at his sister happily who in turn smiled back at her brother before snuggling back into Steve’s side.

“Yes that’s it I want one Hawaiian please.”

Good naturedly, Douxie smiled at him and nodded before heading to the door. His famialir had found a comfortable place next to Claire who was petting him and also shooting away Aaarrghh who was staring at the cat hungrily.

“Alright I’ll be back in fifteen tops.”

Shuffling out of the door, Douxie waved goodbye, only stopping when he felt your hand on his as he turned the doorknob.

“Im coming with you.” You announced, smiling as you did up your jacket. This caused a wide smile to grace Douxie’s lips as he laced your fingers with his holding onto your hand.

“We’ll be quick guys. Nobody make a mess whilst we’re gone !”

Yelling out the last part you shut the door, hoping that your apartment would be in one piece when you got back but knowing it probably wouldn’t. Which was okay. They were your friends: A rag tag group of teenagers, ancient trolls, aliens and wizards.

Outside the sun was setting as the evening faded into dusk. Pinks and oranges melted across the sky as if a paint brush had swirled the sky. It was beautiful.

With Douxie’s hand in yours you both walked down the quiet street, heading towards Mario’s Pizza place in the plaza.

“So, you reckon the place will be in one piece when we get back ?” Douxie let out a little chuckle at his question, already imagining the chaos the group would be causing.

Sighing but with a smile across your face you answered:

“Probably not but that’s okay, it’s part of the charm you know, the unexpexted and exciting. Plus I don’t mind as long as they are all having fun for once.”

You turned a little wistful at the end, recalling in your mind all of the past hardships your friends had endured and probably the many more they’d face in the future. For now though you’d given them a safe space to have fun and be teenagers.

Douxie watched the wistful look on your face appear, and felt a deep admiration for your protectiveness. It was one of the things that had attracted you to him, how strong you were and the lengths you went through to protect others. Plus your snark and sarcasm bounced well off of his flirting.

“Im sure they are love, this was a great idea. Didn’t think you had it in you to think so well.” He joked poking your forehead playfully.

“Oh shut up that’s really rich from the guy who thought the man bun was a good look.” You laughed loudly as Douxie’s face fell at your insult.

A red tint pased across his cheeks as he pulled you into him in a very loose headlock, where he then started to mess up your hair. In response you shrieked, trying to shake his grip as he messed your ponytail up and moved onto tickling you.

“Hisirdoux you stop that right now or I’ll...I’ll...”

You were breathless as you threatened him in between your laughter. Tears started to form at the corners of your eyes as he continually tickled you whilst you guys made you way along the street.

“No can do love. That’s what you get for being cheeky.”

An evil grin could be seen on his face as he kept on tickling you loving the sound of your lighthearted breathless laughter. It had been too long since you’d laughed like that. You’d become so stressed out, continually worrying about your friends who you felt responsible for.

Since you were one of the oldest among the group you’d become a caretaker of sorts. Of course they could handle themselves, Krel and Aja were aliens for Merlins sake, Jim was a troll hunter, Claire a sorceress, Steve apparently had become a knight in Camelot and well Eli and Toby could probably defend themselves plus Aaaargh had been a war machine. Blinky. Blinky had his books.

Whilst your cousin had become the trollhunter and you’d continued going to Arcadia Oaks high starting your senior year with little knowledge of what was really going on, by the end you’d found out everything and even a secret about yourself. You were a sorceress, a desscendant of Morgana La Fay herself. The Arcane Order had sought you out, looking for the descendant of Morgana to join them. Of course you’d refused but they took you prisoner, hiding you captive for weeks. Just when you’d given up all hope of seeing your family and friends again the troll hunter team, along with Douxie saved you. That was the first time you’d met him

Now the pair of you were inseparable.

The others looked up to you, naturally as you were older. Claire came to you for advice or just a girl talk that she didn’t want to share with Darcie or Mary. Jim was your cousin so he was already family to you and you’d do anything for him whilst Tobes you’d known since he was five and watched him grow up. Of course Aja and Krel were new but you’d felt so sad learning about the state of their home world and saw that they were struggling to fit in. You were there go to for human advice or a hug, an earthly custom they’d grown to like. Steve and Eli you weren’t as close to, but you knew Steve was dealing with a lot of stuff, more than he let on and you made sure to go the extra mile to make him feel accepted.

Yeah so you were basically superwoman in Douxie’s eyes. He had no idea how you did it all. But of course it was just natural for you to protect others. You’d lost your own family when you were younger and were very protective of the new one you’d acquired, trolls included.

“You’re amazing love. I mean it (y/n). You’re magic.”

Winking at the end of his pun Douxie watched you roll your eyed in mock annoyance before laughing and squeezing his hand tighter.

“It’s nothing really, I’m just looking out for them. It what you do you know. For family....” You trailed off towards the end of your sentence glancing up at your boyfriend who looked a little surprised at the end of your sentence, but in a good way.

Ever since Merlín had died he’d felt a little lost. Sure he had Archie and whilst his famialir could get on his nerves he loved him like family but he’d been wanting more. Having been alone for so long in his 919 years on earth it tended to leave a yearning for home.

“I bloomin love you (y/n). There’s not a person like you, never had been and never will.”

Douxie confessed seriously, voice heavy with emotion as he twirled you into a hug, arms ensnaring you. Your face met his skull shirt and you took a breath in, loving the scent of old books and indistinguishable herbs that radiated from him. It smelt like warmth and home to you.

“I love you too Doux.”

You reached up and kissed his cheek grinning as they turned a little pink. For a moment the pair of you stayed like that wrapped up in each other’s embrace as the sun set casting a golden glow around you. For the first time in a long time to you felt at peace, like everything would be alright.

That was until you head the smoke alarms going off from your house.

“Fudgeknuckles.”

The pair of you said at the same time as you saw billowing smoke emerge from the end of the street.

————

#douxie x reader #douxie #toa douxie #toa wizards #toa #tales of arcadia #trollhunters #troll hunters

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49scribes-a · 7 years

Text

Starters From Shit Said In Gaming Streams:

Some NSFW and potentially triggering content

“Yeah sometimes those big zombies just don't take the hint and then half their bodies come after me.”

“Stop throwing up zombies. Its unsanitary.”

“Thigh highs fit for any _____.”

“BARREL ROLL.”

“Stop keeping quotes about the shit I say when I'm _________.”

“OH, RAPID FIRE. RAPID FIRE. LOOK AT THAT.”

“...whatever the fuck that shit is.”

*sarcastically* “Oh nooo... an ambush. Like, whatever will I do.”

“Y'know I would've fallen from whatever height that was and I would've gotten up.”

“OYNO. Where is it? KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT.”

“Ew it popped.”

“____lord disapproves.”

“Rocking that [name]licious scarf.”

“SHIT ITS BOY/GIRLFRIEND IS COMING.”

“Oh, shit, that's a lot.”

“Of course half of them had to live.”

“Oh did you die finally? Thanks for the money! Even if you only had ___.”

“You made people suffer enough when you were alive. Can't you, y'know, give it a rest?”

“I'm little red riding hood~”

" 'Just got [name]'d'. WOW. You really gonna go there?”

“Already went there.”

“Okay I'm bored. I'm gonna leave it. I'm gonna leave it alone.”

“Op she's vomitting zombies.”

“Deeeeaaaaaath.”

“[name]licious used Swift! Its super effective!”

“Please stop.”

“Whoa that star kinda freaked out.”

“Pop goes the zombubble.”

“Y'know whenever people say [ran him through with a sword] I think of someone like literally running and PLUNGING their sword through someone.”

“If ur sword-running game ain't as strong as Season 2 Suzaku's y'ain't doin it right.”

“We don't talk about that ending. That still hurts me.”

“OF COURSE WE DO. You know what we REALLY don't talk about?"

“WE DON’T TALK ABOUT _____.”

“The goat people!!! And the trees...”

“We've got demonic goat people, I think some frogs... yep, definitely a frog.”

“This house is on fire but it wasn't me.”

“Ooooo legendary shoulders.”

“Oh great, they explode.”

“Biiiirb. Birb birb birb birb. Caw caw motherclucker. BIIIIIRB.”

“I'm going to name this bird ______, and it will be the best ______.”

“Did you just name that ____ after [name]?”

“[name]licious and [name]. Nice(tm).”

“You could've lived if you just stayed still like a good tree.”

“Swift Game Intensifies.”

“Cat Fight!”

“Long time no dick shot.”

"[NAME] YOU ARE BANNED.”

“Holy shit that was a trip.”

“The sweet sound of projectile evisceration.”

“Anybody alive on this side? Okay good I don't need that kind of drama in my life.”

“I COULDN'T STOP PUNCHING HIM.”

“Story of my life.”

“I love how you got literally blown away.”

“Fuck your _____-- SHIT, FUCK--”

“We forgot to start a swear count.”

“Explode, explode, explode-- yyeeaaaaa.”

“I HATE LIFE WHAT IS THAT HOW DID I MISS”

“RIPPERONI SWISS CHEESE”

“Don't you give me your patronizing pats I don't need them.”

“See if I ever give you sympathy pats again.”

“I'm still keeping quotes just fyi.”

“Fucking gasp.”

“BLOWUP BLOWUP BLOWUP BLOWUP.”

“STOP TAKING QUOTES, [NAME] oh my god--”

“I need to take that guy over there with that freaking shotgun Hell nya.”

“YOINK.”

“Eeeeew he ragdolled...”

“Uuuh what did you guys see-- actually nope no I take it back I don't wanna know I don't wanna know what you guys saw.”

“2 much swear 4 utube.”

“I... read that as [do you know how many brain dead dick heads I've hung in my life] and I was like... since when did you kill people?”

“If I killed people you would know because I wouldn't be able to keep my disgusting disection pictures to my fucking self.”

"[CHECK OUT THIS ORGAN LOOK HOW WEIRD IT IS].”

“I was going to laugh if you pole-vaulted to your doom.”

“Well, no, you can swing across. Me? I'm gonna get fUCKED.”

“HIS LEG WORK.”

“I'M IN ATUAL TEARS.”

“I'm like... expecting something to blow up at this poi-- aaand there it is.”

“I don't know what you're reaching for cuz God ain't gonna help you.”

“Wouldn't it be funny if he hit the window and he just... didn't go through it. Just hit the window with a loud THUNK like a bird hitting glass.”

“That rocket launcher is gonna become my best friend.”

“YOU STILL FUCKING SURVIVED THAT SHIT? YOU TOOK IT TO THE /FACE/.”

“Fuck off, I don't want what you're selling-- I DON'T WANT WHAT YOU'RE SELLING.”

“Fuck your turret gun.”

“Fuck it.”

“YEAA-- NOOOOO.”

“How did that not just shove his nose into his skull?”

“I wouldn't have gotten back up, I would've been down. I would've probably been knocked out or... winded... and crying.”

“Yea fuck you _______ I don't like you either.”

“Her name is _____ lady and _____ lady it shall stay.”

“I can't wait to-- Oh look another fucking _______.”

“MAN, HE TWIRLLLED.”

“When I die, I want to ragdoll.”

“Why ragdoll like an Uncharted NPC when you can ragdoll like a Skyrim character leaping off the top of the Throat of the World on the back of a horse.”

“The music is so nice when you don't pay attention to the destruction around you.”

“I want to glitch through the ground, stretching for miles across the land while twitching enough to unnerve the most bad ass fucker before flipping off into space like a goddamn hyper speed rubber band.”

“You want the weirdest things...”

“But they are simple things.”

“How is her makeup still straight. Eye liner still on point.”

“HEY LOOK ITS YOU-- I'm just kidding.”

“You hurt my feelings, that IS totally me.”

“Worship me and my big blue ball.”

“Oh that werewolf fucker. Fucking closet furry.”

“Manicure my _____ nails.”

“I know, I have to fix your ass because all your shit is where its not supposed to be.”

“WELL ITS NOT FUN IF I MAKE IT EASY.”

“DO U THINK I WANT PEOPLE IN HERE TOUCHING ALL MY SECRET SHIT.”

“I GOT PORN MAGS IN HERE.”

“You know I just kinda realized how weird of a pose that is.”

“Tbh -- its taking a huge shit.”

“For some reason I forgot the water drains and thought the statue's loin cloth lifts to reveal a doorway between its legs.”

“God damn it, tired of your bullshit. Have to keep fixing your stuff. Keep fixing your ______...”

“This isn't a dagger. Its a _____. But I'd still stab someone with it.”

*Opens my chastity belt.*

“You know its actually kinda romantic down here---no its not.”

“I transcended the ban like a boss.”

“YOU'RE STILL BANNED, [NAME].”

“GET VORED BY THE STATUE.”

“WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS.”

“I really hope I get that job so I can buy that shirt that says [_______] I've been wanting.”

“No, the part with the ice caves, before you meet Furry McFuckgoat.”

“While that is a very metal fucking way to die -- it also seems extremely uncomfortable.”

“I was surprised there wasn't anything supernatural... or weird. I mean besides the exploding mummies.”

“WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THOSE GOLEM POSERS.”

“What a dick! Making me throw that grenade without meaning to!”

“You know I just shot him... a clip full... in the dick. I didn't mean to but... it happened.” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“Have a grenade.”

“Yeah you're not allowed up here. You have a ______. We don't serve your kind here.”

“New user -- who dis”

“I might regret this decision later.”

“[Name], please, stop playing peek-a-boo.”

“That dead guy just... waves goodbye as he ragdolls.”

“I HAVE REGRETS.”

“You know what, just as well. I have regrets. I didn't mean to throw that grenade.”

“PANICKING. PANICKING.”

“THINK YOU'RE FUCKING FANCY WITH YOUR ROLLING?”

“Okay that guy was defying gravity for a while there, that was kinda weird.”

“YOU'RE NOT FANCY-- Oh my god he twirled.”

“I FOUND WHAT I WANT.” *runs*

“REGRETS. Aaaah, regrets. A lot of regrets.”

“That death twitch... as seen on Twitch TV.”

“Little man, compensating much.”

“Right in the Shnoz.”

“ZIG ZAG, ZIG ZAG.”

“I DON'T THINK ZIG ZAG WORKS WITH MILITARY RPGS.”

“Make-up still on point. Hair still flawless.”

“LAMINATE YOUR FUCKING MAP. ITS RAINING. IS THAT MAP EVEN RELIABLE AT THIS POINT.”

“Where would you laminate a map in ______? What do you think there's a Kinkos around the corner?

“GOD IDK, BUT PUT IT IN SOMETHING MORE WATERPROOF THAN YOUR ASS POCKET.”

“Oh man that is the best twirl I have ever seen.”

“Fab. He practiced.”

“I just had to process Impressed because I heard it as Imp Breasts.”

“Drama queen. Fucking clutching his chest to die. Just ragdoll like everyone else.”

“Hey, what has more brains than the gunmen right now? The wall behind them.”

"[that didn't attract too much attention] YOU RAN A TRAIN THROUGH A BUILDING.”

“I am just a soggy man.”

“I have water logged fingers.”

“Yeah. YEAH. I forgot about these actually. Ah... ha ha... I forgot about these...” *cries*

“Her tits are always bigger from the side. The fuck is with that. They never the same size either. Watch. Watch them titties grow.”

“All Aboard the Pain Train.”

“Push your ass off the train-- BYE.”

“REALLY. YOU-- who has the strength of a shit ton of fucking monkeys... can't kick that through?”

“My heart just did A Thing at being called [they].”

“I never actually see the scenery on this train because I'm always dying.”

“BANE OF MY EXISTENCE RIGHT HERE. Guess my streak of Not Dying is gonna end right here.”

“AAH I ALMOST DIED-- I almost died there too.”

“SPLAT.”

“Railroaded.”

“Oh, I'm gonna have to fight a big guy. I really-- please don't make me fight a big guy.”

“Damn he thicc.”

“Here, its a present~” *throws a grenade*

“I think they want a receipt for their present so they can return it.”

“Bye-- I think that was a dick shot.”

“I love the sound of glass breaking.”

“I missed...” *tsk* “That's a problem.”

“Hey. For stress relief, fling yourself. Right there. To the left.”

“LAAAAAAAAUNCH.”

“Just fucking launch into oblivion for stress relief.”

“I just ate someone else’s half eaten burger like the trash goblin I am.”

“I am both mildly disgusted with myself and yet satisfied because it was a good burger.”

“Oblivion is to the left. Just launch into it. Embrace it. Fly like the majestic fucking eagle you are.”

*singing* “Life... hates me. I hate life.”

“Did he just die crab walking.”

“Died doing what he loved. Being a crab. Snip snap.”

“Am I the only one here who sees perfect opportunities to fling myself off a cliff and actually does it?”

*whimpers* “WELLIguessitwasallfornothingbecausenowIhavetodiebecausethisasshole--”

“That's the sound of when you get your ass shredded.”

“Good lord--”

“Shredded Wheat [name]s.”

“I hope if I ever die by gun, its to one of those. I wanna look and feel like swiss cheese.”

“You gonna one-punch fuck me like jason borne?”

“ONE PAAAUUUUUUUUNCH.”

“FUCK I got stuck in the wall...”

“HOW THICK THAT DUDES ARMS ARE.”

“STAY AWAY FROM ME I was trying to get away from you.”

“That cat is looking at me like [Why are you yelling so much?]”

“Man you eat more bullets than dogs in Resident Evil.”

“Fuck my life, Terminator.”

“That's not his liver...”

“That's totally his liver.”

“Well that's what you get for not paying for your train ticket.”

“Train stops here.”

“Guess they got... sidetracked.”

“You could say he's got a one-track mind.”

“You could say its been derailed.”

“I don't think this is the best train of thought for this situation.”

"I think I can, I think I can...”

“YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE, SNEAKING UP ON ME LIKE THAT.”

“I hope I took them out wiTH MY DEATH.”

“Fucking gave him a sliding icy nut shot.”

“Packed some powder onto those donut holes.”

“I didn't say I was coming naked to this place.”

“Just barrel roll over a fucking corpse it coo'l.”

“Where do these fuckers get grenades at like... they need to shove their grenades up their ass.”

“I don't know what the fuck you think you saw but it wasn't me.”

*Hands you voreos*

“Get out of here with your voreos.”

#RP Prompt #crack #*jazz hands*#lookit me #makin' my own RP prompts

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