Literally the ONLY good part of the Cats Movie is the fact Old Duteronomy is canonically Transgender

What I think the human au charaters from cats would wear to the ball. part 4

Mr. Mistoffoles. this but more sparkly

Noilly Prat

Old Duteronomy

Plato

Ponsivful

Rum Tum Tugger

Rumpltreazer . I really like her dress but it's really hard to draw.

Well I did it!

I’d like to give a huge thank you to:

@hearth-goddess-99 @queencurlycrown @dorsey-doran-thewanderingcat @terpsichorian @statisticalcats @bullseyegames @majellicle-mister-mistoffelees @munkustrap-game and @alonzotheeboy for letting me use your usernames or offering your usernames for use! (I’m sorry not all of them got used but I wanted to mention you all the same!) I hope you all Enjoy🤗

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24331933

The Problem With Cats (2019)

The story of Cats is an aesop. It's not about weird cat-people hybrids, it's about Cats. But cats are Fantastic. They're magical. They're ineffable. The movie didn't get that this is what it means to be a jellicle cat, it just said that some cats are magic, like Mistoffelees and McCavity. In the show, Mistoffelees and McCavity are two of the most powerful magical cats, but all of the cats have some sort of jellicle gift. (The McCavity fight was supposed to be the climactic display of such jellicle powers, and by cutting it from the film, everything thereafter makes no sense. Also you can imagine that I have some thoughts about how this was the consequence of the pussification of Mistoffelees) Old Duteronomy has the most important jellicle power, that of to make the Jellicle Choice, acting as a prophet of sort to the Jellicle Moon and the Heavyside Layer. The Jellicle Moon is what gives jellicle cats their powers.

At the beginning of Act 2, Old Deuteronomy explains the specific criterion of how to be selected as the jellicle choice: It is not about living a good and fulfilling life, it is to know and understand, and appreciate that you have had a life that has been fulfilling. As you can only experience something for the first time once, the prize for the chosen cat is to experience such happiness again for the first time. Taking on a new jellicle form restores the experience. The line, "When you find it, the meaning of what happiness is, then a new life will begin," is directly echoed in the climax: "If you touch me, you'll understand what happiness is, look, a new life has begun." Taylor Swift's "Beautiful Ghosts" is a decent song out of context, and I did enjoy it, but in the film, Grizabella isn't given the opportunity to make this important discovery for herself; instead of has Victoria having to tell Grizabella that surely her memories must mean something to her, as she had not either understood or appreciated her memories until then, and thus she had no real motivation to be chosen, and that's why her performance felt lacking. Near the end, just before "Memory," the kitten Jemima addresses how it is not yet her time to be chosen, so in the meantime, she "aught to turn [her] head to the dawn." When Grizabella is chosen by Old Deuteronomy, she is instructed to not turn her head to the dawn with the other cats, but to instead look into the Jellicle Moon. By cutting that part out to instead reprise "Beautiful Ghosts," and giving Jemima's lines in "Memory" to Victoria, it loses the emotional weight of Victoria being the first to accept Grizabella back into the tribe, because Victoria's character was never given any reason to otherwise alienate her like the rest.

Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk

CATS SPOILERS!!!

Alright folks, I just got back from seeing CATS. I’m going to break down my thoughts song by song, though I promise it’ll be brief -

I got a chill with the overture played - I always do, but I will say I was a little unsettled during the initial “Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats.” I am so used to the costumes that getting my mind adjusted to the CGI took a moment or two. Nevertheless, the group I went with all agreed at the end of the movie that really, the details of the CGI were amazing. The ears were spot on - how they twitched and flattened like a real cat, and the fur looked like you could touch it. The whiskers were precious too.

ANYWAY…I wasn’t at all impressed with Rebel Wilson as Jennyanydots. I love her in other movies, just not this one. In my opinion, “The Gumbie Cat” was a real let down. I will give her credit in the sense that she reminded me of a fat lazy house cat - you know the ones that have issues going up and down stairs. That aspect of her character was cute, otherwise, I wasn’t a fan.

I thought Jason Derulo was actually a really good Tugger! He surprised me, he really did! I wish he would’ve had a bigger role, but he was adorable. He’d actually do a really amazing job playing Tugger on broadway if he ever decided to give it a try. He’s talented, y’all. 

James Corden as Bustopher was mildly amusing. That’s it. Nothing special. I was never a fan of the character’s or the song in the stage production itself, so I couldn’t done without it and him.

I thought Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer were adorable. While I love the most common version of their song, I think it was interesting that the producers decided to go with the original Broadway version of “Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer.” I had an OLD CATS CD that had this version of the song on it, so it was neat to hear it revived.

Robbie Fairchild as Munkustrap was amazing. Not only does he have an amazing voice, but he played the part so well. “Old Duteronomy” was sung beautifully by him, and was it just me, or did it seem Judy Dench’s version of Old Duteronomy had a “thing” with Gus? Maybe past mate? Who knows. Anyway, no matter what they play, you can never NOT like Judy Dench and Ian McKellen.

Okay, so the jellicle ball was…weird? Like, don’t get me wrong, the dancing was amazing, but the whole thing with the tails at the very beginning was odd, and felt cultish? If that makes sense? I get the overall idea of them being almost in a “trans” by the moon, but it was semi-unnerving for me to watch.  

Beautiful Ghosts is a lovely song, but didn’t really see the need for it. Just my opinion. Francesca is stunning and is one HELL of a good dancer, and while her voice is “sweet,” you can tell that singing isn’t her strong suit. Still, she was a doll.

I thought “Gus the Theatre Cat” was good! Ian did a fantastic job with him! I was a bit unnerved with the drinking the water from a bowl ordeal and the “meow meow meow” thing he did before the ball, but over all, he was perfect for the role. I love Misto’s assistance in this scene, it was adorable.

My all time FAVORITE scene in this film was Skimbleshanks. It was amazing! The tap dancing was phenomenal and the transition from the ball room to the train station was beautifully done. One of the girls I went with (who didn’t like the movie) did say that she did enjoy this scene and was highly entertained. The actor who played Skimble had a wonderful voice and was superb!

I am not a T. Swift fan. Never have been - BUT, she sang Macavity well. I really do prefer the stage version of Macavity better AND the stage Bombalurina, but it could’ve been worse. On another note, I love me some Idris Elba, but not a fan of his Macavity, sorry.  

Don’t get me started on the barge scene. Pointless. Stupid. Hated it.

Mr. Mistoffelees was cute. It wasn’t the spectacle that it is on stage, but it was still good. I saw someone at some point complain about how Misto was portrayed in this movie - that he was too timid and lacked confidence, but if you listen to the lyrics of his song, and a quote “his manner is vague and aloof, and you would think their was nobody shyer” I think Laurie’s portrayal of him was spot on. He’s a young magician unsure of himself, wherein his confidence grows as the song progresses. It was sweet, and BLESS I love daddy Munkustrap. 

Jennifer Hudson can sing. The end. She’s got some pipes. The emotion she put behind the character of Grizabella and the song “Memory” was a wonderful. Everything about her performance was beautiful. I have no words. The chandelier was a good choice with regards to acending to the heavy side layer (I see you ALW), and the scene itself was stunning.

The addressing was alright. It was a good ending. Poor Judy can’t really sing anymore, but she’s a classy lady, and I could never say anything bad about her.

Other thoughts - I could’ve done without their version of Growltiger and Griddlebone. I REALLY liked Jellylorum. Although she didn’t have a major solo, her voice on the high C was beautiful, and I loved her design. Alonzo was cute, and I liked Cassandra’s attitude. She obviously had some prior conflict with Grizabella in this adaption; however, I do wish Demeter would have hd a more prominent role, as well as Tantomile and Coricopat. It seemed as if Cassandra took the place of Bombalurina as Demeter’s best friend in the film. On another note, I liked Socrates and Plato - their designs and dances were neat! I loved their little “mohawks” too. The mice were a big NO for me, as were the cockroaches.

Overall, I was pleased. I went into the movie with the understanding that it would be different from the broadway musical, and therefore I tried not to compare it to the stage performance.  Do I prefer the stage performance? Yes. I do. BUT, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t entertained. It was visually beautiful yet unnerving. Magical, yet somewhat off-putting. I was constantly on tight rope, dangling between “what the fuck” and “oh God, give me more.”

The only thing I can vaguely compare it too was a Jim Henson film, or something out of the 80’s - just off the wall and psychedelic. It is the love child of Rocky Horror Picture Show and Labyrinth. Critics can say what they want, but mark my words, in 20 years, they’ll be special screenings of this movie and a large and vast following of fans. It’ll be a guilty pleasure.

So, over all, I give it a 7/10. It is worth watching!

Cats🏳️‍🌈

Hey hazel fuck you

Old duteronomy is pan

Munkstrap is gay and trans

The rum tum tugger is bi and with mr mistofolees (who is gay)

Victoria is a lesbian but only just figuring it out

Jennyanydots is j chilling she has no time for this and she’s trans

The great rumpus cat transcends sexuality or gender

Skimbleshanks is gay and he’s got a lover in Scotland and that’s why he’s very eager for the night train to depart

The chorus cats are a lesbian polycule

Grizabella is a stone femme and trans

Macavity is bi

Gus is gay but he’s single and hasn’t dated in a while and is okay with that

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteezer are both bi and non-binary

Bustopher Jones is a class traitor gay

If you expect me to do the ensemble cats I will commit crimes

Cats (2019)

 Oh boy... Lets go

Plot: A tribe of cats must decide yearly which one will ascend to the Heaviside Layer and come back to a new life.

Rating: 2/5

I’m just going to start this off by saying I love the musical. Cats was one of my favourite musicals growing up, alongside The Phantom of the Opera. But, my God this film was a mistake.

Now. These ‘cats’ have become my new sleep paralysis demons. Rebel Wilson especially. That was horrifying. For the love of god, either make them look like cats or make them look like humans, not some nightmarish middle ground that is genuinely traumatizing. 

There were a few people in this that were way better than this film, Idris Alba, Jennifer Hudson, Ian McKellen and Judi Dench. The rest were perfect for the film and that is not the complement it sounds like. 

I was disappointed because Old Duteronomy was originally male but out of anyone who could’ve played genderbent Duteronomy, I’m glad it was Judi. Ian McKellen has a habit of making me cry every time I see him, the absolute legend. J.Hud could sing a cake recipe and I’d love it and Idris deserves so much more than what this film was.

Ok so... On to T.Swift. It was a bad casting choice. I’m not saying she can’t sing, I’m saying she can’t act. I am fully aware that Taylor Swift auditioned for the role of Éponine in the Les Misérables film and lost out to Samantha Barks and so Tom Hooper gave her the role of Bombalurina in Cats without audition but in my opinion that was a bad move.

Taylor Swift trying to act sexy as a cat that looked like... that did not work and quite frankly I’m scarred from it. She’s also really bad at a British accent. As a Brit, that was despicable, never do it again. 

The vocals weren’t that bad to be very honest. I mean, J.Hud was in it, she’s nothing but fantastic vocally. I do think James Corden should stick to his Late Night show and Carpool Karaoke though. And Rebel Wilson should never, ever, under any circumstances, sing. I was also pretty disappointed in Jason Derulo’s performance.

The role of Rum Tum Tugger is a very flamboyant role itself but Jason overplayed it which I wasn’t aware you could do. I’m not a fan of Jason’s but I do know he was better than that. 

To end on a lighter note, Jenifer Hudson hitting the ‘Touch me’ climax of ‘Memory’ gave me goosebumps and I’d die for her.

This film will never beat the stage version. Never in a million years will it be better than the stage version recorded with Elaine Paige. Sorry not sorry.

All in all, if you’re thinking of watching this as an introduction to the world of musicals, take my advice. Don’t. It’d be much better for you to watch the stage recorded version from 1998.

Until next time, CJ signing out. Wear your masks. 

But don't they have to die in order to be reborn?!!

(( okay so hopping off anon because I'm not sure aster has even seen cats but not is the mod invested. As far as the cats are concerned. No. Being chosen to enter the hellicicude lair is not dying. In the stage version it's pretty clearly magical as a giant paw descends from the heavens to pick up grizabelle. In the movie it kind of seems like they send her off into a hot air balloon to die. But none of he cats think it's just the same as dying. Also old duteronomy has been reincarnated 99 times or something and is just absurdly old even by human standards. Thebumans are starting to comment.))

OHMYGODICAN'TBELIEVEIDIDN'TKNOWTHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  OOGIE BOOGIE AND OLD DUTERONOMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  ONE AND THE FUCKING SAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  KEN PAGE, YOU ARE FREAKING AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<333333333333333333333333333333333333