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benefits1986 · 4 months

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123123: Arrivals & Departures

Still so in love with Departures (Okuribito), a 2008 Japanese film.

Today marks the end of 2023 szn, and let me try to say adios to this very curious year, shall we?

Currently trying to fight the signs of aging and a probable flu as I've been exposed to my tito who came from Thailand and caught the virus. I also tried biking under bipolar weather conditions accompanied by cool winds, because, biking is a bitch; biking is life. I didn't go for the 100-km route to San Pablo because dad is shaking. LOL.

Still have too many things to do especially for work, but, here we are. I've been posting quite a lot on my feed but, this time around, it's an ode to the dear departed's loving memories, life and love lessons. I still evade the photos and videos featuring me, but, I allow some "must have" shots here, there and everywhere. DOUBLE DRAGON: MOTHER DRAGONS UNITED

This 2023, losing my last standing grandparent, my ina at 88 years old allowed me to face and manage my mom issues. I know I have been a loud and proud mother dragon's girl, but, as aligned with her in heaven and here at our tiny Manila home, it's my turn to make things happen and let things happen.

Speaking of which, I always ask mom to look after our house especially during times when I'd be gone for longer than usual. When we arrived this morning, all the lights I turned off and even the air con that I double checked with dad is on. Yes, mother dragon is not kidding when I said that she keeps our house intact. She had a "cold" welcome, her signature vibe. Dad said that it kinda reminds him of Casper, the friendly ghost. I never felt mom haunted our Manila house; however, I feel her at times especially this Q4 2023. This "paradam" is not intrusive, strictly speaking; but is generally comforting and challenging. Her Taurus trail is unapologetic, spot on and, yes, bulldozing a lot of times; but, she trained her dragon baby well. While I'm still learning and unlearning the ultra femme side of life with my Cancer-Aries twists and turns, I am certain that she's slowly clapping with her RBF on. While it's gonna be 12 years with her come June 2024, I know that this time around, kaya ko na talaga with feelings na. DOUBLE C CUPS

As I'm looking after two boomers in the family who are battling the Big C, I'm reminded of Tito Taurus' departure. I can say that roadtrips as a passenger princess being fed tabing-daan food keeps me up and has a bittersweet vibe now. I'm no longer overstimulated with the thought of dealing with lumps that are all off to palliative care. These days, I am able to talk to these two boomers with compassion as opposed to jam-packed action items, only. I'm more focused on the quality of life rather than seeing number bumps and vital stats booming all the way up. It's actually my best apology to Tito Taurus who I lambasted with very little lambing even days before he went under the knife. I know he's smirking right now and he doesn't give a damn about this apology; however, I also know that I'm fulfilling my promise to him --making better choices than he did; and just doing it with humility no matter how ugh it feels, sounds and looks. I just hope that these two boomers survive this crazy adventure and that they be surrounded with full support especially on the emotional and mental side of this battle.

Seeing them go down the drain still breaks my heart and soul; however, I'm hanging onto the studies that have shown that there's better chances of surviving this Big C bitch. Let's go. I know that the battle will end at their final destination, but may their days and nights be filled with living life to the fullest as they embrace the power of complete surrender after the fights they're facing and winning, so far.

CHOKE ME, DADDY... NO MORE

I'm also saying adios to my well-loved daddy issues, finally. Must be because dad is on takbong wonky B even when his 29er is adjusting way too much. He even said several times na matulin din naman pala my wonky B. So, I'd have to adjust with his pace also in the coming days, weeks, months and years. His holiday wish? For me to be gentler even when he's not gonna back down. LOL. "Anak, alam mo naman tatay mo, 'di ba? Init ulo talaga ako. 'Wag mo na lang akong masyadong patulan. Ikaw din naman naga-adjust 'di ba?" Hahaha. This line is actually his first official line to ask it nicely AND genuinely. May humility na siya now and syempre, his only daughter is more grounded, too. It's never gonna perfect, but, I know this is our new chapter, together and apart, too.

OH, BABY, BABY BRO

Since my brother has a new kid on the block, I'm actually stepping on the break more and more, as I try my best to be gentler with him, just like the old days. Unlike the old days, though, I come with "wisdom" as a Tita who has 7 and counting anak-anakans including him.

My brother usually calls me but I don't answer readily. LOL. The past weeks though, even when I'm not a fan of kids especially babies who just babble away, I try my best to engage with my pamangkin. I can't wait for him to grow up so we can bike with Ely. LOL. Matagal-tagal pa 'yun, but I'm patient naman sa antayan at ahunan, I guess. What bike to give these two babies kaya who'd be toddlers by then? Abangan! LOL. Shemay.

BABA, BLACK SHEEP

As my 4th anak-anakan shared, I'm not a black sheep. I guess it's her saying that I'm but postmodern. LOL. Kidding aside, as I come home to ina and ama's humble home in the sleepy town of Laguna, I'm faced with so many emotions that are being filmed and ready to be processed in the dark room where death and life come as one. It's not easy as our family is not the type who'd down tough conversations. However, I feel like as an empath, I am allowing myself to touch-base with them along with specific boundaries. Before, I'd go all out in checking on everyone. Happy to share that this is the first ever holiday that I didn't lift a finger. No stress about what to cook, bring, gift and all stuff and fluff. I'm now in my era where I share a bit of who I really am and who I am really not with them, too.

SOUL SIS SIZZLES

It's really nice to have soul sisters who are on different timezones because I get access to asynchronous responses and messages. LOL. While there are too many times I still forget to reply, I reply pa rin naman kahit mga ilang days na ang nakalipas.

And having them in countries that I like to visit one day is also an added push to do better and make more and more streams that are hopefully flowing steadily this 2024.

SCENTSATIONS Here's to revisiting the scents, the sounds, the feelings and everything in between involving past hurts, traumas and rejections. While at it, I'm totally ready to let these go. I think scents would be the trickiest because it rouses memories even those that I thought are no longer with me, those that were CTRL + ALT + DEL-ed ages ago. But, as I curate my tiny home outside Manila, I need these books to be closed, so I can open up new ones.

BATS, BATS: NO IF'S NOT BUTTS

As a sentimental scavenger which I got from mother dragon, this is easily one of the most curious tasks that is arriving officially this 2024. There are times when I ask myself the reason why I'm clearing out stuff. There'd be times when I'd think about dark thoughts, again and again. But, this time, I'd like to proceed with decluttering not only my physical space, but more importantly, my emotional, mental and spiritual space. It's time, finally. Let me be super clear that I don't aim for minimalism nor maximalism. I'm but trying to keep the old and the new in a state where they co-exist and make me feel more alive as I hopefully, breather deeper breaths. ULTIMATE DOG SHOW SZN

I need to work harder as a dog mom to my three dog kiddos. I know I'm quite decent especially when I've raised two 11-year old dogs for the first time in my life. LOL. However, I can sense their anxiety that obviously, comes from me. I think I've gone too far as a dogmom who gets unrequited love from them. While I know dogs love with no expectation, here's a version of me that's a bit gentler and kinder to them. GAH. Hassle pero sige, push na natin since they've really proven their worth through the years. Nothing fancy, just more bonding time and more treats for them at home.

ON YOUR KNEES, PLEASE

I've been more attuned with my prayer life, too. I'm still not big on the whole prod called praying in churches that much, but I guess, Uptown Chapel is a game changer. It's near work and not a lot of people go there. I hope that they keep the glass tinted because, there are times when I cry tiny tears even when I try to hold them back with all my heart and soul. LOL.

This Christmas Mass, I prayed for something that I've not prayed about since 2012. No other clue because it's actually a super passionate prayer that for me, myself and I. I don't know if it's gonna be a YES or NO or MAYBE SO, but, let's see, 2024! Gugulatin mo ba talaga ako ng tuluyan?

WHAT I DON'T TALK ABOUT WHEN I TALK ABOUT WRITING

There are still a good number of things that I'd like to keep to myself, for now. These are things that I consider in their brewing stage. I always tell people who try to reach out that I'm not an an open book, and that still holds true. However, I'd like to be more intentional and allow myself the benefit of the doubt in spite my still trusted issues.

I guess, I'd start with something that happened during my stay in ina's hometown. I actually talked about my adventures and misadventures regarding my dating history. Hahahahahaha. Shemay. Caught off guard with a series of sessions with really well-meaning titas and poof... I didn't salvage the discussions unlike before. In fairness, they enjoyed it and I must say that I had a decent time with them, too. I don't talk about my dating history in public because, I'm bleeding in scarlet sins.

They actually thought I have a non-existent dating life. LOL. Lo and behold, they are too excited for what's to come and I've got a reco/referral, already. Hahahahaha. Real quick, that one, but, as I've said: I'll keep on waiting 'til The Last One wins the real game. By game, I don't mean playing fucking games. Not anymore. Hodor.

Accio Always Era is here, there and everywhere for 2024, because, I guess, I'm ready for it. I'm still petrified, honestly, but, here's my giving things a really, really good try sa abot ng kapurit na kaya ko at kung anong ako at hindi ako. Editing my "checklist" because we've aged and gone frailer than usual, also. LOL. LABORA MAJORA

The wellness leave that has been overdue actually allowed me to look at my current work space from a healthy distance. It's different to be out of the office for quite some time, but I know I need this and want this especially as 2024 is here and now. It's not gonna be an easy year as I'd need to step up consistently and intentionally. However, I guess that I'm on my way to Ikigai era na rin because Japan is love. Also, I am giving me and V another chance to slay deadlines and beyond through my current job description and my current team, too. Losing V has been a solid push as I sink and swim in my new role that has been 6 months na pala rin. How time flies noh?

As the fireworks light up the sky this midnight, I'm doing the laundry while Vici is on my lap. LOL. I love how simple my YE and YO are. As in. In my ratty pambahay and Swiftie shirt from Linya-Linya pa. I love how I'm writing it out in mom's spot. I love how my lofi PL soothes me and keeps me up, too. I love how I don't indulge in an iced drink because I'm fighting a flu. I love how Vicks has an Xtra Strong variant. And I love how the peace is with me amidst the crazy putukan sa labas. I love the smell of fresh laundry. I love how Vidi and KD are fast asleep because they we're really tired from our uwi sa Laguna. I love how Vici, inspite being 11 is like a baby na akala mo first time mag-New Year. :p I love how I had cheese, prosciutto, rice and bottled tuyo with chili garlic bits. No alchohol, too. LOL. Baka bukas na or this coming weekend. I love how our YE lunch ni dad a while ago featured sinaing na tulingan and ginataang hipon na maliliit ala Laguna with pinya na ngayon. As a mababaw girly, this set up is best for me. :) Natawid ko rin, finally.

This is how 2023 ends, and how 2024 begins. Wala namang bago. Walang bago sa taon because it's but another social construct. However, this new year might actually be the start of the real me, only better, through it all. Still not a fan of festivities, but, ready to give each day and night a better try, maiba naman. Putukan na. Pasiklaban na. Pasavogue na.

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soyasojourns · 1 year

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「映画祭」 - My Eigasai experience through the years

It has been a while since I last saw a film that I truly enjoyed. I recently watched a selection from an ongoing online screening in Eigasai, the Japanese Film Festival. I am amazed at how Eigasai has transformed since I first learned about it as a university freshman years ago. It has expanded in terms of movie selection, now including independent films in recent years, to complement the standard selection of contemporary films. There is an increase in the number of films screened and the number of screenings - apart from Metro Manila screenings, select provincial screenings are now made possible. Most importantly, the platform for access - an online platform for streaming was created to watch the films for a limited time. As I have moved to a place where I currently have no access to provincial screenings, I have greatly benefited from this online platform. But truth be told, I'd still prefer a theater screening over an online one.

I dug up my memory to recall the films I watched through the years, from 2007 until the present year, 2023.

I've completed a total of 17 films, including one film from the Haruki Murakami Festival in 2018, originally screened in an earlier line-up. I noticed that I also missed the film festival in several years (2009, 2016, 2019, and 2021-2022).

Most of the time, I watched the films alone but there were several occasions when there were opportunities to ask friends to come with me.

Eigasai usually coincided with the Philippines-Japan Friendship Month in July, with screenings running from July to August. In 2007, my roommate's high school friends from UP Rural High introduced me to Eigasai. Since they knew I was interested in Japan and Japanese culture, they invited me to watch Shimotsuma Monogatari (Kamikaze Girls) with them. The movie screened at 7PM and was estimated to end near 9PM, the time of our dormitory's curfew. As soon as the credits rolled at the end, we rushed out of Cine Adarna and ran back towards our dormitory. We were huffing, puffing, and sweating when we arrived at our dorm's lobby, glad we made it on time. Shimotsuma Monogatari is a brilliant and amusing coming-of-age movie. I was 17 at that time, the same age as the protagonists in the film. It just felt right to watch it at that time.

I first watched an Eigasai film at an Edsa Shangrila screening in 2010. The festival opening and first screenings were usually scheduled in this venue before going to other theaters. I had a Japan Studies class then wherein we were tasked to write a reaction paper about any film from the Eigasai line-up. What fit my schedule at that time was the screening of Houtai Club (Bandage Club). To this date, I think this is my favorite movie about friendship, connection, vulnerability, strength, and courage - perfect for the dynamic emotional shifts and changes experienced by adolescents.

Two very memorable films for me wherein I remember having shed a lot of tears were Okuribito (Departures) and Itai: Asu e no Tōkakan (Reunion) which I watched in 2011 and 2014 respectively. After watching these movies, I am reminded of the strength of the human spirit, resiliency, and to remain dignified in times of great distress, especially when things are beyond our control.

In 2017, I visited my second hometown, Iloilo City. Coincidentally, during my visit, there was an Eigasai screening in Cinematheque Iloilo. What matched my schedule was If Cats Disappeared from the World which was dubbed in Tagalog. Watching the film without my eyes chasing English subtitles at the bottom of the screen felt good.

The most recent film I watched was Hottamaru Byori (Hottamaru Days), a Japanese independent film, screened under JFF+ or simply Japan Film Festival Plus - the film programming for independent films, hosted by several small theaters across Japan.

Hottamaru Days was a very refreshing film. I love the attention to detail – the shots, use of light, sound, and dance. I like how the dancing nymphs emulate the mundaneness of everyday life in their own fun and playful way. The film was intriguing and at the same time, interesting. I love the film's combination of wander, wonder, playfulness, and otherworldliness. I look forward to more works of Director Nao Yoshigai (and other female Directors) as well as more uniquely visually visceral films in future line-ups.

Watch Hottamaru Days here for free. You just need to register for an account and you can watch the currently screening six (6) independent films until March 2023. After which a new set of films will be programmed.

In-theater screenings have started and the schedule and line-up can be viewed here.

#eigasai #japanese film festival #jff

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