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ferociouslycreativemystery · 1 year

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So I watched La Locker Room Aux Folles. Twice. Have an essay (cause how else is anyone supposed to process their feelings? talking to people? sounds fake but ok)

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THE FUCKING BUILD-UP TO THE MOMENT. THE EXECUTION OF IT. JUST THE EVERYTHING!!

So we have the first half of the episode, where tensions build through Isaac's ambiguous and continuing dismissal of Colin. Not knowing what it means allows for fear, and time amplifies that fear by letting each dubious action resonate, louder and louder. Now, we all know what this show is, and we think we know who Isaac is, so the fear may be reluctant to take root. Nevertheless it nags and nags, until you remember the little hints that this could go the wrong way: Isaac's homophobic comment in episode 3, Nate's betrayal of the team after feeling cheated, and doubt comes creeping in. You begin to wonder: could they really go there?

And then the loudest action hits: Isaac's offence at the use of a slur. From the moment he steps into the stands we know that his actions will force a crystallisation of his intent. Schrödinger's box is about to be opened; the midpoint is upon us.

Time for the locker room.

First: a long silence. Brilliant. I was on the edge of my seat. It gives us even more time and space to process, and infer, to feel every emotion fuelling the room: confusion, disappointment, worry, concern - fear. Who's gonna say something, and what will it be?

The unevenly balanced scales are threatening to topple, because out of everyone there, only three people truly know what's up. Given Isaac's behaviour up till now, we are only able to fully trust two of them to appreciate the real stakes at hand. Everyone is circling the bait, desperate to pull it down and find out what's on the other side, but only two people understand that the ramifications of the bite would run so much deeper.

We circle closer. Sam reveals the word that was used, and we're locked in on the subject. Not incidentally, not humorously as before, but seriously, directly, and with investment. This won't just be brushed off, or joked away. What happens now will be remembered, and what happens now holds weight.

The camera is on Colin. Everyone else is talking, but the camera is on Colin, because for all the time he's spent keeping his head down, the tide has finally gone out, and it has caught him between the seabed and the shallow surface. Any careless move, and he could break its surface tension.

Here, we reach turning point 1.

Isaac reveals the true source of his frustration, and the great tension hanging over the first half of the episode is resolved: he feels protective, and fears his previous inaction might have inadvertently caused hurt. Relief. One crisis is averted; he's not homophobic.

But this revelation soon begs another: what change has brought on this seemingly disproportionate reaction all of a sudden? Well, Isaac is too upset to give that answer. He leaves the befuddled team with two clues though: his best friend, Colin, and a hypothetical: "what if one of us is gay?"

The bait the team has been circling is now within touching distance. They go for Colin, "Do you know what that was about?", and he, paralysed by the proximity of the surface, dares only shake his head. Stay down. So the team follow their one lead and finally bite down.

Only, they choose the wrong hook.

They don't have all the pieces, so once they've laid the puzzle and find that one is missing, they fill the hole with the most immediately available, and also the wrong, person. Nevertheless their confusion is cleared, and the imminent danger is averted. Colin has the room to breathe easy again as the tide rolls back in, the surface floating further and further up, farther and farther away. But every tension is not resolved; the team's understanding is still not aligned with reality.

And Colin has seen through to the other side now, closer than he ever has before. Breaking through suddenly seems like a real possibility. Not just a distant fantasy, but something that could actually be done. Was almost done. What's more, the pieces have already been aligned, and all the team is talking about now is supporting the person in question. All he would have to do is step up and fill that precariously bridged gap, before the surface disappears from view again.

And he does. Of course he does, because this is his team.

Turning point 2 comes to pass, yet we don't get to see it happen. Because the words aren't important, it's about what comes after. And, (de)fences down for the first time, the only thing that invades that raw, newly exposed area of honesty is acceptance. It is so mundane, and so so significant, because what it means is support. The heavy weight Colin has carried along all alone for so long lands softly as a feather, because the hands that have hereunto been weighing it down further, unknowingly, can instead turn into helping ones.

And that is not the where this ends. Because again, the point was not the words, but neither is it the way they were received. We linger in this moment of acceptance, because the support is what matters. Now, my personal instinct in any such moment of anticipated sincerity is to cower away, because "having feelings about something obvious is cringe - how dare you care about something that isn't new and shiny and untainted by familiarity". So seeing Colin just stand there, letting the moment wash over him and allowing the others to fully see and continue seeing him, felt very impactful to me.

Another thing I love about the aftermath is that no obligations are pushed on Colin. He doesn't have to explain himself, he isn't scrutinised or made to apologise for having stayed closeted. He isn't mentioned to the media in regards to the incident.

Instead, the team and coaches close ranks around him. They take responsibility for managing their own actions and reactions, they handle Isaac and the press conference. Colin is allowed to set the pace, and the destination, and it is treated as a given that the team's role is to simply follow along and work together until they get there. He never has to defend himself, only explain his reasoning to his closest friend so that they can continue to understand each other. Because while yes, this is about Colin, Colin is also about the team. What matters is that they support each other.

The only thing I didn't quite connect with, and in fact made me feel slightly alienated (entirely personal - this is not a criticism of the episode, just a private reflection), was the "I was 99% sure you'd be fine with it, but the 1% scared the shit out of me" line. The possibility of rejection is obviously a pitch black shadow hanging over a huge number of queer people when coming out, and I am very fortunate to have never been in that position myself. But there are also more ways than flat out rejection that coming out can change a relationship - homophobia comes in many shapes and sizes.

I personally prefer stories that adress the less direct version, where there isn't an expectation of open hostility to coming out per se, but where ignorance and a lack of understanding might mean that any soft, honest, and vulnerable truths uncovered will end up squashed.

A great example of this is George's coming out arc in Feel Good (on Netflix), where the central issue isn't overt homophobia, but rather a pervasive careless and insincere attitude among her friends and family regarding anything emotional. It does result in homophobia, but not necessarily of the archetypal bombastic variety. I really enjoy exploring those nuances, of how prejudice feeds and feeds off of emotional cues and attitudes.

But I realise that this is not a story about an analogous situation to that, and that there is only so much nuance you can fit in a short scene at the end of an episode focusing on queer acceptance rather than the preceding fear of exclusion. And I can see that that line is an effective summary that's easily digestible to a wide audience, even if it does paint over some nuances. A single story cannot delve into every beat exactly according to your own wish list, unless you write it yourself - which is why I read, write and love fanfic. :)

(Oh and btw, Nate's arc was also great, mirroring Colin's in how he is finally letting the facade drop, acting on what he really values and cares about rather than trying to fit in and belong on other people's terms.)

Overall: an amazing episode with some really great moments - many of them all time favourites for me. Wonderful handling of the subject matter and masterful balancing of the tension with the resolution. They knew what they were doing, that's for sure. This is officially one of my favourite episodes in any series ever.

I'm so glad I found this show.

#I wrote this for me. but I'm sharing in case anyone else would like to read as well :)#this began as tags on a gifset #but I quickly realised these thoughts couldn't be contained in a mere 30 tags #yes it's basically just me recounting The Scene beat for beat #but I needed it out of my system okay #it's 1.5k words ish #maddie's writing tag #ted lasso #colin hughes

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