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rearranging-deck-chairs · 2 years

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i love how 13 feels like just a vat of contradictions. she aims for joyful and hopeful and comes out vicious and bloodthirsty. she starts off talking more intimately about regeneration than we’ve ever heard and continues by not telling her new friends her species or what planet shes from for an entire year, longer if she hadnt been forced.

shes the most closed off doctor ive seen but tHE THINGS SHE SAYS, when she says them, are so careful and fragile and closer to the bone than i feel like any other doctor has been.

her anger and her love feel so entangled i cant tell if theyre not actually the same entity and probably neither can she.

and maybe this is just my blorbo brain talking - it probably is - but i feel like this is the most the doctor has been like what i imagine theta sigma was like. the wonder about everything, the curiosity, the excitement, the joy, her most pure wish to just travel with friends around the universe, not be anybody but a traveller. ‘i get to learn something fun about a cool new part of the universe i havent heard of before and in return i fix your problem for you!’ the ux! the anti-matter drive! no way the solitract?!

“youre like a kid sometimes”

and the violence. the violence in defense of other people. as long as you dont threaten her friends you will probably be okay, you wont be targeted at least, you might get in some crossfire but that’d be on you then wouldnt it. and if you threaten her friends, anyone she has befriended, anyone she thinks deserves her protection, you will die. if you threaten her friends directly, she’ll make it hurt. and she will feel justified, she wont spare you a second thought.

shes terrified half the time but shes got a lot to say even when she is. i dont think she cries but the way she deals with emotions is very go sit on a rock alone for a couple hours and then pretend you havent been crying when your friends arrive.

[id: Rallon, Magnus and MIllennia found the Doctor a few hours later. He was sitting on a rock at the base of a mountain not far from his ancestral home, Lungbarrow.

He was still wearing his dark, one-piece Academy suit, its pockets packed with pens and data pad. He clearly had not been home. He also looked as if he had been crying although none of them opted to mention this.]

she went to gallifrey enough times she might have actually sat on that same fucking rock

#this was mostly about 'it'd be with you' and 'because i might'#started writing this in tags but then i was like this is a better post than the post actually so now it's a post #it's really just my blorbo brainrot and also rowan's fic everything bc im like it's theta on that beach like it just. is.#like whether thats a little gallifreyan theta or millennia old doctor who wants to be normal for just five minutes theta #it's not the doctor #oh god i sound like that guy commenting on my youtube now ahskdfjhfjkg #'this isnt doctor who!!!'#no ship sherlock #in the thasmissy fic that might not ever get finished i have yaz call missy koschei #and 'missy flickers'#feels the same #the doctor flickers #like #'can we just live in the present' like 'do you want to see all the stars in the universe with me'#like now is forever #and nothing can break #'you can where im from!'#i think bc theres no job here #it's like you said rowan want is naked #theres no duty in wanting #theres no duty to yaz anymore #she got her home. duty fulfilled. theres no duty of care here. she just wants yaz with her #ugh ive got blorbo brainrot dont listen to me #theta meta

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