#oh and when I say spirit fuckery I mean it in both the literal and metaphorical sense. blame kat's latest raava and vaatu fic
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Personally I find it really funny that based on what the twins said in the Book 2 finale re: having to tell their mom about what happened to Unalaq, it's literally canon that Unalaq's wife a) exists, b) is alive, and c) is just chilling in the Northern Water Tribe
She took one look at all the spirit fuckery her husband was getting up to and went "Well that's none of my business" and honestly I respect that
#oh and when I say spirit fuckery I mean it in both the literal and metaphorical sense. blame kat's latest raava and vaatu fic#yeah I'm just gonna start posting random LoK opinions on here now. this blog's been dead long enough#not really an incorrect quotes girly anymore sorry#not even a girl anymore. but you know#most of my red lotus and oc posting will remain on my personal blog though bc no one wants to see that#anyway. yes. Unalaq's wife. when I say the avatar franchise has a mom problem this is exactly what I mean#80% of characters don't have a mom. the moms that are alive either have little to no screen time or mentions#or they're basically Schroedinger's mom in the sense that they exist but not really#the exceptions being like. pema and suyin. and maybe senna though she also has very little screentime#my point is. the twins are younger than korra. I know avatarverse has a precedent for putting kids on the throne. looking at you zuko#but really we should have gotten unalaq's wife as chief of the nwt#introduced her in book 3 during the lead up to p'li's prison break#but that's just my objectively correct opinion#northern water tribe chief raspberry when#(according to avatar wiki her name is malina so I've been calling her raspberry in my head ever since I found out#malina means raspberry in russian that's why. probably in a bunch of other slavic languages too idk I'm not an expert#and she shares a name with katara and sokka's weird white stepmom from the comics which no sane person considers canon. so that's fun)#the legend of korra#unalaq
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Texts from the Lost Tomb part 6.1
🎶 Back on the bullshit I never got off🎶
Is this another unnecessary story arc?? With three sections??
Yes.
Wushanju Crew Chat
Wang Meng: You know, I’m someone who appreciates consistency in my day. My life is pleasant, very few issues indeed if you ignore the big ones. And yet. Yet here we are. With unresolved messes at the end of a day.
Wang Pangzi: SOMETHIN YOU NEED TO SAY MARY POPPINS
Wang Meng: We need to talk about Huo Daofu and the glittery bead curtain.
Wang Pangzi: MY FAVE TEEN WIZARD SERIES
Wu Xie: did you turn on that suggested word thingy lol
What glittery bead curtain
Wang Meng: I closed the shop at 6:00pm this evening on the dot. I locked all of the doors in and out of the shop very carefully, especially in light of recent events. The hall leading to the back office was empty. I filed the day’s paperwork, updated and sent emails, and then spent an extra hour organizing receipts and dusting. When I came back out, there were glittery iridescent bead curtains over the front entrance to the shop.
What could this mean?
Wu Xie: uh that you need to spend less time at work?
Wang Pangzi: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ONE FOR THE DETECTIVES. THE MYSTERY OF THE BEDAZZLED THRESHOLD COMMENCES
Wu Xie: I think we can be relatively secure in thinking a glittery bead curtain isn’t a hostile threat
Wang Pangzi: SAYS YOU
I REMEMBER YE OLDE EXPLORATION TIMES HOW FAST THINGS GOT FURIOUS
BEANBAG CHAIRS SET AFLAME AND LEFT ON DOORSTEPS AS A WARNING
GLITTERBOMBS FOR DAYS
PANIC AT THE DISCO
Wang Meng: Ugh, forget it. I should have just taken them down, regardless of who they belong to.
Zhang Qiling: They are not mine.
Wang Pangzi: A BOLD STATEMENT COMING FROM OUR PRIME SUSPECT
SOMEONE QUICK GO DRAW CHALK AROUND THE DOORWAY TO MARK THE SCENE OF THE CRIME
Wang Meng: Do we know anyone who *would* sneak in and put those up? For whatever reason, legal or not? Even as a joke?
Wang Pangzi: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHETHER WE KNOW ANYONE WHO IS CHAOTIC, AN OUTLAW, A PRANKSTER AND/OR SNEAKS INTO PLACES
BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN OUR SUSPECT LIST IS LITERALLY EVERYONE WE KNOW EXCEPT FOR YOU.
Wu Xie: okay let’s think about this; for starters, I didn’t break into my own shop
Wang Meng: You would be in danger of doing some work in the process, that’s true.
Wang Pangzi: LOL
Wu Xie: ANYWAY let’s keep going. For example, Xiao Ge would only break in somewhere for a good reason. Xiao Ge, did you do this?
Zhang Qiling: No.
Wu Xie: okay who’s next
Wang Pangzi: YOU REALLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN INTERROGATION TIANZHEN
REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO HIM
IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE;)
Zhang Qiling: How can we be certain *you* didn’t do it?
Wang Meng: Admittedly that was my guess, too.
Wang Pangzi: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS
BLAME PANGZI AS USUAL
ANYWAY HOW DOES HUO DAOFU FIT INTO THIS
Wu Xie: Oh yeah him! Oops I got distracted
Wang Pangzi: UR ENTIRE HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL
Wu Xie: Ugh fuck off
Wang Meng what abt Huo Daofu??
Zhang Qiling: ?
Wu Xie: oh sorry xiaoge I didn’t realize you wouldn’t have spent much time around him last year
He and I go way back
Zhang Qiling: Way back where?
Babysitters Club Chat
Wang Pangzi: I CANNOT BELIEVE HE IS BUYING YOUR INNOCENT ACT
IF YOU EVER TURN TO EVIL WE ARE FUCKED
Zhang Qiling: ?
Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO HUO DAOFU IS
YOU WERE EXTREMELY POLITE AND BORDERLINE FRIENDLY TOWARDS HIM
Zhang Qiling: I wanted him to feel welcome. I wanted to be sure he understands he has a place here. A specific place.
Wang Pangzi: FOR A SILENT GUY YOU ARE A MASTER AT SUBTLE POWER PLAYS IM ALL TINGLY
LMAO THE IDEA OF WU XIE LEAVING YOU FOR HUO DAOFU IS HILARIOUS AND ALSO NOPE
Zhang Qiling: Rationally, I understand that.
Main Chat
Wang Meng: Huo Daofu is coming for the weekend—didn’t Wu Xie tell you? Wu Xie asked me to check in a week ahead so we could start getting ready for his arrival
Wu Xie: oh yeah I did do that
Wang Meng: Fortunately I know you and so I already went ahead and took care of everything.
Re: the trip
He made a deal with Wu Xie’s doctor that he would do periodic checkups on him here at Wushanju
Bc Wu Xie hates being in the hospital
And frankly the hospital hates him too
Wang Pangzi: FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT LOL
I FORGOT HUO DAOFU WAS DOING THAT
A VERY CHIVALROUS GESTURE
WOULDNT YOU SAY
XIOAGE
Zhang Qiling: Is it safe for him to be here with a criminal loose on the premises?
Wu Xie: Right, back to the curtain! Let’s focus on the curtain, hmm?
Wang Pangzi: I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND.
ALSO WE CAN RULE OUT XIAO BAI FOR THE CURTAIN SHE JUST SENT A SELFIE FROM NORWAY COVERED IN GREEN SLIME WITH ZERO CONTEXT, UR PROTEGE INDEED
Wu Xie: okay but who else would do something so oddly charming yet illegal and—wait.
Snake Eyes Chat
Wu Xie: hey, Glasses hasn’t been in touch lately right?
Li Cu: uh nope
Unless u count the outdated memes
Why, is money or Xie Yuchen missing
Or is this curtain related, I saw Wang Meng’s tweet
Wu Xie: haha no nothing to worry about really
(I mean maybe? but who knows)
Wang Meng is probably just getting a little paranoid in his old age
Li Cu: better than getting reckless and stupid as hell in ur old age
Wu Xie: …hey:(
Unknown Number: Li Cu, we discussed this.
Wu Xie: ????????
Li Cu: *sigh* fine, reckless and stupid as heck
Unknown Number: …close enough.
Wu Xie: EXCUSE who is that
Madame, Sir, Non-Binary Tree Spirit, etc—whomst the fuck
Are you
Li Cu is underage FYI
So Im staying on this chat
Li Cu: okay first of all, it’s not like that
Second of all I’m literally not underage I s2g
u threw the embarrassing surprise bday party, okay so u should remember
And C, that’s my counselor and I invited her. She wanted to meet u and I knew u wouldn’t agree to a visit so I added her to our chat
we have been discussing u
Wu Xie: Oh wow!!!!!!!
What a surprise:)
hi so nice to meet you:)
Main Chat:
Wu Xie: RED FUCKING ALERT
FUCK THE CURTAIN FUCK THE VISIT
IVE BEEN TRICKED INTO FAMILY THERAPY BY A SMUG TEENAGER WHO TEXTS UNKNOWN NUMBERS
Wang Meng: I assume that means something to someone here?
Not my problem? Good.
Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHA GOD I LOVE LI CU
HES LIKE ADORABLE KARMA FOR ALL THE SHIT YOUVE PUT ME THROUGH
IM RAISING HIS ALLOWANCE
Wu Xie: wait i give him an allowance
has he been collecting on two allowances??
Zhang Qiling: Three. I knew about both of yours.
Snake Eyes Chat
Wu Xie: so uh may I ask your name?
Unknown Number: you can call me Ms. Lee.
Now, if you’re comfortable talking in this format, why don’t you tell me how things have been going?
Wu Xie: oh everything is normal and fine and safe as usual, why do you ask:)
Li Cu: I heard about ur necklace thing. nice of you to NOT mention it.
another dangerous adventure. again. prick.
Ur lucky your cool boyfriend cares about you so much or you’d have already died like ten years ago
Wu Xie: lol try twenty years ago
Li Cu: That isn’t funny.
Unknown Number: …What?
Wu Xie: shit ur right, okay that was a bit glib, my apologies.
…I use humor as a coping mechanism?
Unknown Number: and Li Cu, how do you feel about that?
Li Cu: he doesn’t even know what that phrase means
He doesn’t cope, like ever
In fact
It’s kind of why we met
Which is a funny story in retrospect tbh
Wu Xie: haha what are you talking about sweetie hahaha need I remind you of certain anecdotes that could idk send me to jail maybe lmao
Unknown Number: …You know, perhaps an in-person meeting might be more effective?
Wu Xie: haha such a nice idea but why
Main Chat
Wu Xie: If I go to jail, I’ll have to create alliances for protection, right, that’s how it works on tv
Who do we know who spends time in jail
Other than Hei Yangjing, he’s only ever there for like 12 hours and i suspect he just gets himself arrested bc he enjoys the breaking out process
Also how’s the curtain case coming along
Zhang Qiling: Has someone threatened you?
Wu Xie: well not yet but soon I’m sure
Wang Pangzi: WHERE WAS THIS PARANOIA WHEN WE GOT TAKEN TO THE TEA HOUSE HUH
Snake Eyes Minus Your Fucking Therapist Chat
Li Cu: okay how tf did u pull off spy and undercover shit
u are sus as hell
Wu Xie: damn son is it pick on Wu Xie night
I missed the flyers or I would’ve invited my uncles
Also re: the curtain it’s been mostly solved
Li Cu: I’m not your son, idiot.
Wu Xie: …oh. Sorry, sorry, you’re right, bad choice of words, haha
Forget i said anything
Delete this chat even
Li Cu: shit I meant
Legally, biologically, I meant—
shit
…I turn into an asshole as a coping mechanism?
Wu Xie: oh that’s all okay! I have to go do something else now let me know if you need anything okay kid thanks!
Li Cu: goddamn it calm down who’s the kid here
lemme organize my thoughts so I can articulate my emotions fuckin healthily or w/e
Ugh maybe for like one afternoon we could go to Ms. Lee together? She knows how to word stuff
Wu Xie: uh…okay.
Li Cu: Anyway you don’t need to worry abt jail
As if you would survive prison for one day you’d piss off half the place in like an hour or less
I gave Ms. Lee the heavily edited version of the desert highway to hell roadtrip and i discussed it more in terms of like “nightmarish but still wouldn’t take any of it back”
Well maybe the sand
that shit was everywhere
Wu Xie: oh kiddo. It’s fine, really…You don’t have to explain yourself to me.
Li Cu: no, no it’s just
I do technically have a dad
who is an asshole. Being a son doesn’t really mean shit to me bc it sucked.
So you need to stop backing down just cuz ur guilty abt stuff. I’m really really glad ur not my dad in a good way. Do u get what I mean there
Where’s the mafia widower I followed into hell, huh
Wu Xie: Ur a good kid, despite my influence. I’m really glad you have someone to talk to after everything I…after everything. Wow this talking through feelings thing is kind of weird but nice ur right
Jfc no wonder it took me and xiaoge so long to—you know what, we won’t get into that
Li Cu: ew tmi
Also re: this week’s recent necklace fuckery
I moved my stuff here, I live here now
So you can’t die anymore
Or else…Idk I don’t have a threat planned
anyways abt the curtain
Wu Xie: oh my god, kid…kid you have no idea
I am in tears.
Li Cu: see this is why I can’t be nice to you I can sense the hallmark channel from here
Ugh don’t be sad in ur room that’s dumb
Go hug Pangzi or something
Maybe delete this chat
Or the curtain thing
Focus on the curtain thing
Just stfu and go away
Wu Xie: <3 screenshotting this <3
Li Cu: I take back everything I said. This is why Xiao Ge sleeps on the roof. I hope the ghosts of the Wangs put up that curtain to strangle you somehow. Go die in a stupid way, it’ll suit you.
Wu Xie: lol don’t worry I’m not gonna embarrass you with it or anything
Main Chat
Wu Xie: omg guys look how cute my kid is *sending screenshot*
Wang Pangzi: I MEAN
HE IS WISHING YOU DEATH
BUT SURE
CUTE I GUESS
Wu Xie: no but read the whole thing:):):)
Zhang Qiling: It is indeed very hard to remain angry with you. And you are welcome to join me on the roof.
Wang Pangzi: UH NOPE
NOT WHENI HAD TO BLEACH THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN
DONT TRAUMATIZE THE EARLY BIRDS THEYRE ALREADY FREAKED OUT BY U YA HOODIE CRYPTID
Wu Xie: ok true but babe ur like a sexy cryptid
Wang Meng: so, are we just accepting that there is a glittery curtain of unknown origin, and Huo Daofu is going to have to see it while he’s waiting for you at Wushanju bc you’re going to family therapy?
Wu Xie: right
Wang Pangzi: SHOULDA TAKEN EARLY RETIREMENT HUH
Wang Meng: I’m going to go dust something.
Unnamed Chat:
Unknown number: so the curtain…
Unknown number 2: yep, not my best work but I kinda panicked last minute u know
Unknown number: what is in the water at Wushanju that makes everyone dumb and attractive
Unknown number 2: relax they’ll figure it out
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we have always sent children into war
Something I’ve appreciated about Jordie’s writing for the Boom!verse is how consistent she’s been with building on characters and themes - when I think she’s dropped a plot point, it asserts itself in the next issue. While there have definitely been threads that are a little too exposition happy, or heavy-handed attempts at Whedonesque dialogue, on the whole - she understands and sees the earnest heartbeat of the show and infuses her own spin on Sunnydale and its inhabitants. Buffy was a show about human fears and anxieties given form as monsters and curses and a hero’s journey paralleled with a coming of age story.
But it was also a story about a war - the Slayer versus the darkness. Over seven years, Buffy and her friends and family fought and tested their own boundaries and capabilities for darkness and the pursuit of power.
In the Boom!verse, the idea of legacy has been stated from issue one - Buffy has her obvious calling, and Giles has his life long training to be a Watcher, and then Buffy’s watcher. Neither of them is automatically good at it and they’re still figuring what their legacies will ultimately be.
In issue 11, legacy comes back in the form of a conversation between Rose, Kendra and Robin.
Rose is a military brat from a military family - her father and her grandfather both chose it as a career. She shrugs off Kendra’s admiration for her family history by saying that it’s all become second nature and there’s really nothing special about it.
Then she asks Kendra about her father - and Kendra dismisses him as a deadbeat that she doesn’t care about because he didn’t care about her. That she’s discovered there are more important things that concern her - namely her calling as a Slayer.
Robin’s sudden interjection that if there are more important things, why are Rose and Kendra chatting away like besties on a date than - getting to the bottom of the fuckery that’s beset Sunnydale?
Rude, Robin. Also sometimes people just want to live and not dwell on the horrors of life, okay?
It’s also clearly projection: Robin has a loving dad who cares deeply about him - but he also has an apparently long-festering resentment over 1) his mom dying because of her Calling and leaving him, 2) despite ‘Slayer blood running through his veins,’ none of his training matters because the Council didn’t choose him to be a Slayer (is that even possible? #releasethelorejordie) and instead he’s...settled into being a Watcher. His legacy isn’t to follow his mother’s path, and his second nature doesn’t make him ‘special’ enough to do so. So to listen to Rose and Kendra being so casual about their own legacies --- well, it triggers his insecurities, which I’m sure is not helped by the evil toxic masculinity Rage Sweats that have been infecting all the men lately.
Is it a super heavy-handed metaphor for how performative/peer pressured ideals of masculinity is damaging to everyone? and to have the Hellmouth emit evil pheromones causing this a gloss over for real societal problems?
Probably.
But also TVBuffy fought a literal penis headed monster and Xander ate part of his school mascot while under the influence of a wild hyena spirit and also split into two selves trying to figure out which one was the real him and whatever the fuck the episode Billy was, so I’m going to give Jordie a pass here.
When Kendra calls him out on his overreaction, yet still calling him Mr. Wood (acknowledging her more traditional character and respect for the Council), he loses it completely when she tells him to not go off on his own - it’s dark and also it’s Sunnydale where people die in inexplicable evil-adjacent ways.
He retorts that he doesn’t need a mother and that he doesn’t need you -
hello, Parental issues. It wouldn’t be a Whedonverse adjacent property without someone’s parental issues. Robin is wrong of course - he does need Kendra because he’s her Watcher, and he’s (understandably) mad about his mother.
Rose and Kendra puzzle over Robin’s sudden hulk rage, but go back to figuring out what’s rotten in Sunnydale and how much Buffy’s absence is felt - even though they’re auxiliary Scoobies at this point, Buffy is what brought them together. Kendra brings up the general loneliness of a Slayer - she has to keep her identity secret, she doesn’t generally ask for help re: Life things, and the regimented nature of Slayerhood really makes me think about the similarities to a soldier’s life.
And Rose being a soldier’s child would be the perfect person to empathize with. I don’t have personal experience, but I do have friends who have served in different branches - and when I was living overseas, the country I lived in had mandatory army service for the men.
I’m not going to get in too deep about the whole troubling military complex that America has and how the business of war built this country or how it preys disproportionately on POC and lower-income people, or how when veterans come back, the services in place for them are lacking and how in general soldiers are good people who believed in the ideals of peace and protection while the realities don’t often match up with the propaganda...but you know.
Slayers are child soldiers who are sworn to protect a world at large that doesn’t know they exist or what they really do. But it also goes along with the real-world tradition of sending children into war - in the US [currently], you can legally join at 18 without a parent’s permission or 17 with a parent’s permission.
Think about back in history, before 18 was considered a legal adult.
So we have always sent children into war - but Jordie really emphasizes that the Scoobies are children fighting something they don’t really understand, and there are no adults around (hello, Show also did this but also because Adults are not actually people in the 90s) to guide them, which adds to the anxiety.
Giles is all Rage Sweated out, Jenny is probably taking well deserved time for grading papers and chilling with her cat (h/t @jenny-calendar) and it’s up to Xander and Willow, as the OG Scoobies to figure out what to do, now that Buffy’s disappeared.
And oh, her disappearance has taken an emotional and physical toll - Xander’s been patrolling every night, with some assistance from Willow - it doesn’t seem like she’s been doing it nightly though. He’s tired and upset, and Willow’s upset she didn’t get to say goodbye to Buffy and they’re both hurting in their own ways and also not talking about what’s really bothering them, which is only tangentially connected to Buffy’s disappearance.
Willow and Xander’s bond has always been a key element to their characterizations and relationships with others - they’ve been ride or die from childhood, and now that they’re sharing a soul has made this closeness even more significant.
Which means when they fight, it’s to the bone. Xander’s previous issues of feeling lonely and ignored by others - and not being listened to manifests itself against Willow’s need to share and vent, but not actually listen - it gets ugly really fast.
Xander accuses Willow of being selfish and the reason she broke up with Rose is that she couldn’t handle the mundane realities of working hard at a relationship when she had the more exciting side-gig of fighting at Buffy’s side - which Willow angrily denies. Xander then rips into Willow’s need to be praised and liked, and suddenly brings up the possibility that she’s doing this to impress Buffy, which is stupid because she’s not here and also, she won’t ever make the gay love with you -
and Willow calls him out on his need for love and validation, that he falls for any girl who’ll give him ‘the least amount of attention.’
And Xander vamps out - if this is what Willow really thinks, that she’s always seen him something pathetic
which snaps both of them out of their fight.
Xander admits he only goes vampface when he’s really angry and he can’t always control it, but when he is - he feels better. Which is really concerning.
Xander goes on to say when he’s human, the anger has been harder to ignore, that there’s something dark calling to him and it makes him want to hurt Willow - and she confesses that she’s been feeling weird all the time as well.
Is their soul tie working against them?
And the fact that Xander in vampface feels more comfortable than when he’s being human and more prone to Rage Sweats -- that’s gotta be significant.
Kendra interrupts their heart to heart and tackles Xander to the ground, which leads to a few bits of hilarious misunderstandings, but also the bombshell that Buffy is dead.
According to Robin, a new Slayer is only called when the previous one dies - which means Buffy must have died.
There goes my whole ‘they are a slayer theory’ but I was expecting it to go that way. In an earlier post - or possibly just a conversation with @jenny-calendar, I was thinking out loud that because Buffy has passed into the Hellmouth, she is no longer of the living plane, so she’s considered ‘dead’ aboveground. Obviously, she is not dead no matter what the misleading summaries future comics say, but she is not among the living.
Semantics aside, everyone is fucked up from hearing this - Willow and Xander turn on Robin, insisting he’s wrong and that it’s a sick joke, which causes Robin’s final form: teary-eyed Rage Hulk Hellmouth McGuffin. He says he didn’t ask for any of this, that he’s already lost so much - his mother, Buffy (which seems rather strange considering he was blanking her the whole time after he infiltrated her friend group and there didn’t seem to be any more flirting/sparkage in the lead up to Hellmouth) and more importantly - his chance to be a Slayer.
He’s railing against the fact he’s stuck with a Slayer that doesn’t know what a real vampire is, that there’s nothing special about her - and it’s obvious that even though his words are coming from a dark ugly place, there’s the feeling that Robin feels entitled to his rage and disappointment.
Kendra’s aware something’s gravely wrong with Robin and tells him calmly that she doesn’t want to hurt him but like every villain at the peak of missed-redemption moment, he says he feels perfect. And the last bits of rationality exit his body and he calls on the Evil Bro Squad to surround the Scoobies.
And triggers Xander’s kill switch - apparently the darkness that Xander’s human side was feeling? That’s because his demon soul is tied to the soul that infected all the men of Sunnydale and turned them into misogynistic meat puppets.
Dunn dun dun -- it’s the Hellmother.
Xander pushes back, but he’s disturbed by how strong it feels and what’s keeping him from going completely evil Frat boy?
Kendra tells them they have to fight and they’ll figure out the details later - and they’re doing their last stand in some stunning colored horror-inspired panels and it doesn’t look good for our heroes when....
WHACK.
Anya brains Robin with a croquet mallet like some white-suited queen of hearts and snarks, “Great. Now I have to fight teenagers to save the world again.”
A surprise boss appears - is Anya going to be the final Adult and help the Scoobies out of the mess they’re in?
Did she even really leave? Was that rabbit that was skulking in the grass from earlier issues really her?
Once more, Jordie leaves us on a cliffhanger.
#thoughts and reactions#buffy comics#boom! studios#i have more#but this has already gotten ridiculously long#my meta#boom! verse
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I would like to read that very angry post and learn the two rules.
Okay, so, I was GOING to be all “Here are my well composed arguments” about this, but… honestly, I’m still digesting the specifics of Brienne’s story in 8x06 and getting caught up on “Soo, we’re going with the shallowest interpretation of her character’s desires and also kinda just making her Jaime 2.0: The Just Edition” (more on this rant LATER, because oh it was so much worse than I thought when I read the leaks), so instead y’all get a slightly edited version of the Angry Screaming I sent a friend a few days ago. Buckle up, I am Riled.
A pre-rant note–my husband woke up this morning, checked his phone, and looked at me like a man who had Seen Some Shit. “The leaks were right.” He has never watched Game of Thrones (he’s been waiting until the show is done, and I’m pretty sure season 8 killed his plans to binge it), but honestly I can think of no better way to sum up this experience.
(Fucking MOOD, Jon.)
So, first off, I do not expect a lot from Game of Thrones. The visuals are amazing, the actors are top notch, but there have always been issues with the plot, with misogyny, etc. What has made me so ANGRY about this season is that it thumbs its nose at storytelling as a craft. I expected it to be dumb. I did not expect it to be “Wow, my nine year old literally has a better grasp on constructing stories” dumb. #subvertedexpectations (As an aside, I could turn this into a series of rants about the different elements of storytelling and how season 8 fucked them up, but honestly I’d rather lose a fucking hand and I still have a spite fic to write to fix what I can. So we’ll have to content ourselves with this rant, and if husband ever DOES binge the show I’ll save the others as a reward for surviving the experience.)
Second of all, I want to make this clear that any writing rule can be broken (some I don’t believe SHOULD be, which is what started this rant, but they CAN), but you must understand the rules you are breaking and why. And you can’t break all of them at once. I have seen exactly zero evidence this is true for D&D, those talentless hacks.
Now, onto the two rules for character arcs that should never be messed with because they are SO structurally important, and they’ve fucked over both repeatedly throughout season 8:
(1) A character must always want something. They absolutely do not need to GET it, but they need to want it. Hell, NOT getting it is basically the definition of tragedy.(2) A character getting what they want should not result in “Guess their story is over, we can kill them or write them off”
This applies to SO MANY of the characters right now, but I’m going to use Jaime as an example of (1) and Brienne as an example of (2) because honestly that’s the only plot I’ve followed with any enthusiasm. (There are definitely better examples of (2) within the show, but I used Brienne as an example in the original rant and I’m carrying that over. Because Brienne. Fight me.)
RULE ONE: A character must always want something.
Jaime’s arc has been about redemption, about listening to his own morals instead of the poisonous family first that has been dripped in his ear for decades. The setup is all there–a brash kid who is forced to make a call between his own morals (not burning half a million innocent people) and the oaths he made (to protect the king), makes it, and is reviled for it because the truth is never revealed. He falls further into this “Family above all else” mindset because he’s been groomed since childhood for this. There’s like a whole meta post from me in the Lannisters and abuse, but people better than I have gone there before. For this post, “Jaime’s arc is about redemption, a redemption he doesn’t always BELIEVE in but has been a core of his character from season 1” suffices.
His death absolutely should have been about this redemption. Whether he succeeds and kills his sister and lives, or kills his sister at the cost of his own life, or he gets there and the decades of brainwashing means that he falters at the final hurdle… THAT doesn’t matter, so much, but the impetus absolutely should have been DRIVEN by that need for redemption. Have him go south because he needs to save innocents, or even the family of choice (THERE IS A FAMILY OF CHOICE SCENE IN THE FUCKING EPISODE!!!) Hell, have him SEE saving Cersei as redemption. (I mean, that would be fucking stupid beyond stupid, but it wouldn’t insult me on a crafting level.) Just… don’t go “He’s happy, guess it’s time for a relapse we lay no groundwork for, and then handwave with forgiveness from a female character because…she’s so good and pure? We want to pretend we are deep?” There is no tragedy in Jaime’s death because they moved the goalposts at the very last second.
(As an aside, the Very Dear Friend subjected to this rant responded to this portion of my ire with “Why would they do that? It’s so meaningless”, and all I could say was “Because it’s ~*~sHocKinG~*~ that way. NO, YOU BASTARDS. You make it shocking by laying the groundwork and then subverting our hopes at the last second, but THE GROUNDWORK NEEDS TO BE THERE. YOU NEED TO USE OUR CULTURAL UNDERSTANDING OF STORIES.” This was the toned down version of my actual thoughts, because Very Dear Friend is genuinely dear to me and does not need to know the depths of my creative cursing.)
RULE TWO: A character getting what they want should not be the end of their story.
As for Brienne… she is such an interesting character because she’s SO driven by her own morality. She wants, desperately, to be a knight. Not just BE knighted, but to embody the spirit of knighthood. She gets that knighthood from someone she respects, deeply–she’s one of the few people who truly knows about Jaime’s struggle with morality vs oaths and has utter faith in him–and so she gets what she wants. Great, right? WRONG. We are at Unbreakable Rule #2–a character who gets what they want should not then have nowhere to go.
NB–the original rant here was far more articulate and focused on how this rule is broken, but we might descend into slathering rage instead. Because the ending (oh god, seriously, like I said, I’m still digesting the depth of the shit in this because on a surface level it seems happy but it’s really fucking terrible) puts her in this horrible stagnation that is more focused on title than her actual character. She didn’t necessarily want to be a Kingsguard, she wanted to be a Kingsguard for a king she believed in. And, like, she had a say in electing Bran? (Rereading this rant--that’s a weird phrasing. I’ll deal with it later) But that whole thing makes no sense (“I can’t be lord of Winterfell because I’m the Three Eyed Raven, but I can totally be King” ??? I just… honestly, my brain is not computing this well.) and I just… CAN WE FUCKING TALK ABOUT HOW SHE HAS PREVIOUSLY PLEDGED HERSELF TO PEOPLE WHO ARE IN SOME WAY VULNERABLE??? Seriously, who has she pledged oaths to before now? A gay man and women. Because that was always fucking important to me, and this is just… no.
The ending as it is basically just makes her Replacement Jaime–a highborn heir who instead takes the role of Kingsguard, but don’t worry guys she’s so Noble and Caring that she absolves Jaime of his sins by writing his story in the book. Where’s the fucking vomit emoji? (Don’t get me wrong, that scene is emotional and moving and honestly FUCK YOU GWENDOLINE CHRISTIE FOR BEING SO LOVELY AND TALENTED, but in the wider context of this show I just cannot see it as a good thing.)
I just… look, in my rant a few days ago I’d read the leaks, but I still had some hopes the ending would be better on screen; right now I can’t even articulate the number of levels it bothers me on, so just know that I SHOULD HAVE BEEN FUCKING HAPPY WITH HER ENDING! But I’m not, because it is this surface level understanding of what she desires from knighthood, and there is this… okay, so, I’m articulating this TERRIBLY because the original rant was solid but did not account for fuckery, but you know what Brienne’s ending made me think of? Nikolaj Coster-Waldau’s interviews where he would fight for Jaime’s character and basically get told to shut up and follow the script. THAT is what Brienne’s ending feels like to me, and it shouldn’t. She should have places to GO and GROW from here. Like, there are SO MANY things they could do with these characters that are surprising. Hell, imagine Brienne getting this knighthood and then getting presented with a similar situation to Jaime–does she keep an oath or to her own morals? Make it a smaller scale so that the answer isn’t so simple, have knighthood become shades of grey she never really understood–she gets what she wants, but it’s not simple. Boom, her story will go on after the end credits.
(I also have Capital I Issues with the narrative surrounding her love life and gender and… seriously, this could have been a motherfucking SERIES of rants. I could do a week’s worth just on how they did Brienne dirty)
RULE THREE: If you make me spend over an hour trying to present a coherent explanation for why your writing sucks and I’ve barely scratched the surface, you don’t get to write anything ever again. Sorry, I make the rules and I have decreed it so. All in agreement, raise your hand.
#I don't even go here#game of thrones spoilers#writing#Brienne of Tarth#(and my heart)#Jaime Lannister Deserved Better#(still a fucking tag)#(though that one scene was A Lot To Digest)#game of thrones#you can break writing rules#BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT AND WHY YOU ARE BREAKING THEM#or keep it between yourself and the 10 other Angsty White Dudes in your Creative Writing 101 class
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Ok I knew I hadn’t posted Unions in forever but good lord. The screenshots after, not before, AFTER this.. are the previews for this. Like we’re literally talking ancient history here. Let’s dive right in and see if we can wrap this up sometime during a human’s natural lifespan. SO when we left off we were desperately trying to make friends for Wyatt’s final promotion, ‘desperately’ being the operative word. We’ve done some pathetic shit in our time but shittalking each other to Apartment Life nobodies is honestly peak gutter, so you know. our natural environment. Spoiler alert, the kids are teens now and Wyatt has still not gotten promoted! Truly the Picasso of incompetence.
Good ol’ uncle Gunther is also here for some reason which I’m guessing is ‘came over uninvited’ but at least someone is paying attention to Shajar for once. Beggars can’t be choosers and Gunther as a father figure is the equivalent of someone leaving a button and good vibes in your cup.
-So you see Shajar, life is nothing but a slow march towards our certain doom so who cares if your parents hate you?? My parents hated me till adulthood and I turned out amazing as you can surely tell by my stripes/plaid/indoor sunglasses combo!
-Think long and hard before procreating, brother, because there’s no guarantee you’ll even like your kids. Looking at you, Shajar.
-Um can I go now?
-Don’t know why you’re here in the first place and not in the crypt where we’ve set up your bed and everything! Kids these days.
Oh right, Brit Brit is also here so I guess I did invite these douchebags over. Way to go @ me.
-BRITTANY HOW COULD YOU TEAR THE MORAL FABRIC OF OUR WIFE-SWAPPING-BASED LIFE PARTNERSHIP LIKE THIS???? JUST STEAL ONE OF THEIR PETS LIKE AN UPSTANDING CITIZEN
DON’T YOU DARE BRIT-
Ugh nevermind, it’s Sophie aka Brittany in cat form. Take her!
And take Shajar too while you’re at it cause absolutely not @ Victoria dying but the gnome drama living on. ENOUGH. This almost makes me appreciate Cyneswith’s ridiculous 10 nice points for a split second..
..but then I turn around and see this. GOOD GRIEF. How did Jojo and Wyatt produce vegan Tinkerbell here not even god knows.
This alliance of obnoxiousness is but the first in what is gonna become a running theme of every annoying flop in this neighborhood looooooving Maxx. Can’t keep kindred spirits apart for long! Honestly this legacy is turning me from pet maniac to Captain Ahab, like on one hand you have fucking Maxx who hasn’t done anything yet but just you wait till he grows up-
-and on the other you have FUCKING VICTOR’S GHOST TRYING TO KILL US EVERY NIGHT. Apparently Victor + being a dick = a love not even death can tear asunder. Seriously tg kids can’t die cause these overactive freaks are up all night till the sun, are up all night to get some (entertainment), are up all night for good fun, are up all night to get lucky murdered.
This happens about 3000 times per night, I’m not even taking pics of it anymore, but it’s worth pointing out that everyone in this house, both alive/dead and human/non has a raging hate boner for Shajar in particular. It’s uncanny and depressing..
..and speaking of depressing, UGH. My poor, poor Shajar. I actually attempted to intervene and have them interact being the moron that I am:
JOJO WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM
.....................................WHERE IS VICTOR’S GHOST WHEN I NEED IT
Yea sure, waste your niceness reserves on fucking Goro here instead, who isn’t even the cat heir and is about to go live on the farm (not a euphemism, Daniel and Melody’s literal farm). This Jojo fuckery is seriously starting to bum me out on top of pissing me off, let me find something cute to look at to raise my spirits..
No.
No.
NO.
Disturbing stuff.
Seems about right.
Old habits die hard.
No.
Ugh.
Ugh.
UGH.
OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE
FINALLY. THANK YOU CATS. Now let’s get back to this nightmare..
..and I mean nightmare in the technical sense of something not real occurring when you’re asleep, because Wyatt maxing a skill is truly the stuff of Taylor Swift-Wildest Dreams.mp3. It’s official, the only thing standing between us and Wyatt’s LTW is social ineptitude. But what if we revolutionize the friend game by approaching someone who can’t leave..
..because she’s contractually obligated to be here?? Go for it Wyatt!
-So Kaylýnn, you have the français maid thing going, I’m French and in need of a hag, c’est match made in les paradis!
-Yea sorry, Henry III, but it’s my professional policy to not fraternize with married clients I have no chance of fucking.
-But..but you’re just a face template fiasco!
-..I have some bad news for you.
Kaylynn left Wyatt dick in hand and went to pet the cats, so I guess the day has arrived for me to go from being the leading Langerak hater of this community to being the leading stan-
-and apparently the leading Jitmakusol stan as well, which as we all know is a large and very competitive group. DOWN WITH JOJO
Well at least you still have this invaluable stamp of approval! All I see in this pic is 3 bags of trash.
Look at this trove, treasures untold, how many assholes can one photo hold? The reason there’s more awful people in our house than usual is the “exciting” occasion of the Shajar/Wulf double birthday and honestly even by our standards this party was especially terrible. Like it makes the one where Komei and Marissa happened look like Project X.
When this is the situation 10 seconds in you know you’re in for a good time. I don’t think a single positive interaction took place this entire party and I’ve subconsciously (?) forgotten every birthday since. What a loss!
Wulf is up first, and of course since this is Wyatt’s literal one and only parenting-related job, it took 3 cakes to happen and no one is paying attention by the time it does.
Wyatt makes one last-ditch effort to kill his child via decapitation and obviously he thinks it worked thus the wide smile. But Wulf is named after the spawn of Satan, head spinning comes with the territory-
-as do incredible looks. Gunther hair + tuxedo, and you think your little yellow blazer is subversive?? Step it up.
-If the sunglasses weren’t blocking the power of my stare this child would be dead by my sheer resentment.
Happy birthday, Wulf! 2/2 surviving murder attempts.
Wulf gets this Don Corleone makeover because a) he also survived murder attempts b) wedding tuxedo c) trying to avoid a Gunther mental breakdown. He looks exactly like Wyatt, like I don’t think there’s a drop of Jojo in there..
..BUT MAN IS THE PERSONALITY PURE UNION. Another nice little addition to our ever expanding freakshow.
Shajar time and no one is paying attention now either but there’s no cake malfunction, they just don’t care! And why should they? What is she, their child?
Wyatt can’t even be bothered to stay standing for literally 10 more seconds. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a parent do that before but you can always count on Wyatt for this sort of innovation.
And this is what Shajar grows up to: Wyatt half-asleep, Daniel waiting to beat him up and the rest reacting to Wulf having shit himself. I don’t think any further comment is needed.
Now, having lived through the experience that was Daniel and having marveled at Shajar’s seemingly genetic unlikability, I’m sure we can all tell which is the one aspiration she should under no circumstances roll because it’s going to make nails on a chalkboard seem like a fun musical break.. Yes, this is not a drill..
..we have another trainwreck firstborn who can’t get their own family not to hate them roll popularity. AND DANIEL WAS NICE. Shajar is bringing 1 nice point to the table so all I can say at this point is fml.
And of course because the above wasn’t bad enough on its own and we always need the overkill, gaze upon whatever the fuck this is-
-YE MIGHTY AND DESPAIR. GOOD GOD SHAJAR
LOL. Well with the custom sky this is an Under The Dome situation so technically you’re not wrong but still. fucking popularity? Leave the sky alone and aim for ‘slightly above ground’. Even that is pushing it.
Good, finally we return to reality and face the facts. Couldn’t agree more!
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The Raven King, Chapter 14 – A Few Cheerful ‘Hell Yeah‘s, Followed By A Swift ’Hell Fucking Nope’
In which I am too invested in Orange Cheerleading, Neil is an Oblivious Gay™, the Foxy Team Spirit gains bonus XP, we meet the awesomeness that is Fearless Neil Josten and everything goes so pleasantly well that I really should have seen the bone-chilling fuckery at the end coming.
Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.
I am prefacing this by saying that this is probably my second favourite chapter of this book so far. It may even be on a par with my previous favourite chapter, the Neil Sassing Riko To Hell And Back At The Fall Banquet chapter.
There is GOOD SHIT HAPPENING!! Finally!! And when the bad shit happens it’s still SASSY!! And AWESOME!! And then it’s fucking terrifying but like – what else is new.
I really, really liked this one. And I feel like I’m going to need that bit of love for the next two chapters, which are promising to be 50 Shades of Fucked Up.
Let’s go.
“When Andrew finds out you’ve stolen his car,” Matt started, but left the rest of the threat unspoken.
“Andrew knows,” Neil said. “He left me his key.”
Matt stared at him, startled. He opened his mouth, then closed it again.
Homeboy can’t believe it I am HOLLERING.
The Foxes slowly realizing that Neil is starting to get through Andrew’s shell is such, such a delight.
Neil being entirely oblivious about it is an even greater one.
Also, Matt is going to start teaching Neil how to fight! Yay for self-defense! <3
Now that Katelyn is kind of not a secret anymore, she starts hanging around with the Foxes, apparently. Will I start liking this character, finally?
Katelyn seemed nervous at first, but she warmed up quickly and chatted almost nonstop through dinner. She was so enthusiastic about apparently everything in the world it was a little exhausting listening to her, but Aaron looked so alive in her presence Neil couldn’t hold it against her.
FUCK YES I WILL.
This is such a small detail, but I actually had to put the book down at that part and just silently contemplate life for a bit because honestly – few sentences have described me as well as “She was so enthusiastic about apparently everything in the world it was a little exhausting listening to her.”
I feel this so much, you have no idea.
Of course, that means I have adopted this character now, she’s in my heart and there are no take-backs. <3
Being newly invested in Katelyn also means being newly invested in Orange Cheerleading, and this is the point where all the info I have soaked up via my cheer-loving best friends really comes in handy.
This is a very good visual for what the Vixens would look like at a Fox game – the squad in the video is Clemson University which is TFC is based on!
And this is Clemson’s cheer championship routine from last year, which is infinitely more awesome than a game routine because it’s made for their own championship, not for someone else’s game, and it really shows off what a team can do.
Keep in mind though that this team is co-ed (meaning both men and women), and as far as we know the Vixens are an all-girl team, which means they’d have considerably less partner stunts (one person on one person) and more group stunts (one person on four, three or two people).
Also, this is their uniform and now one can tell me otherwise.
Brb making an orange bow to wear to our next cheer event.
Info dump done! Let’s move on!
“We should celebrate,” [Dan said.] (…)
Aaron looked at [her] as if she’d grown three heads. “We don’t socialize with you.”
“You do tonight,” Matt said. “Tell Katelyn to come. (…) The Vixens can come too.”
HELL FUCKIN YEAH, BONUS XP FOR THE FOXY TEAM SPIRIT.
I am so for all of them having fun party times together that a) don’t involve going to Eden’s Twilight and b) involve all of them.
Also, I am so, so for the Foxes and the Vixens finally being friends.
Seriously, there are few things as shitty as ignoring the people who cheer on you every night no matter how bad you are, and I can’t believe we’ve never addressed this until now.
BE NICE TO YOUR CHEERLEADERS, FUCKERS.
“Thanks for taking one for the team, Neil,” [Nicky said.] “You’re a real friend.” (…)
“Are we?”, he asked. (…) Tonight it almost meant something, though what, Neil didn’t know. “Friends?”
Oh my goooooooooooood literally HOW.
“It almost meant something” I am going to punch this idiot so hard his angst will finally come shooting out of his oblivious ass.
“You’re going to be the absolute death of me,” Nicky said. “Yeah, kid. We’re friends. You’re stuck with us, like it or not.”
Nicky, my man, my sunshine, thank you for finally saying this to Sir Angstlord McDramatic, also I’m crying a lil.
I was already so happy about that scene, I thought we were done with our quota of good things for this chapter, but no – Thanksgiving happens somewhere along the way, and it’s not The Thanksgiving That Shall Not Be Named, but Happy And Sappy Abby Thanskgiving, where the food and the feels are plentiful.
“It’s not really about the food. It’s about family. Not necessarily the one we were born with, but the one we chose. This one,” Nicky emphasized, gesturing between them. “The people we trust to be part of our lives. The people we care about.”
“I’m trying to eat here,” Wymack said.
Wymack <3
Also, NICKY <333333333333
Brb, crying a lot.
Kevin later offers to not drink wine after dinner so Neil can have some, which neil declines, but which still makes me grin like a sappy motherfucker because Kevin offered to do something nice for Neil.
I feel like I’m in a happy fanservice episode of an anime. Is this real, am I witnessing this shit with my own two eyes?
Somehow [the Foxes] all ended up at the dining hall at the same time. (…) On Tuesday Katelyn tagged along, and on Wednesday they went downtown together as a large group: all eight remaining Foxes and four of the Vixens.
👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit
At the restaurant, this girl Marissa starts hounding Neil, and absolute hilarity ensues as Neil tries to not talk to her or at least talk to her about Exy, and she wants to talk about everything but Exy.
Absolute lack of chemistry nonwithstanding, she still chats him up after dinner:
“I can give you my number,” Marissa said.
Neil didn’t remember asking for it at any point that night. “What for?”
How is this boy real. HOW.
“I would like to get to know you better. I think we could have a lot of fun together, just the two of us. You’re very interesting, Neil.”
She wasn’t the first to say that, but Neil wondered if Andrew’s opinion of him would change when he was off his medication.
OH MY GOD.
I AM HOWLING.
Neil: gets blatantly obviously hit on by pretty girl
Neil:……………………..
Neil: hmm I wonder what Andrew would think about this
Honestly………………. This is the most I C O N I C Andreil scene to this point, and 50% of Andreil aren’t even present.
“There’s a way to let girls down gently, you know.” (…)
“Do girls need kid-glove treatment? I thought they were tougher than that.”
Dan’s grin was approving. “Most of us are. Some of us are like boys, though, and have delicate egos.”
Shoutout to Dan for coming around to remind me how much of a flawless sass queen she is whenever I dare to forget it.
Also: Renee is going to be Neil’s platonic winter banquet date! Dan and Matt are getting each other cute shit for Christmas! Matt invited Neil and the cousins to his home over Christmas!
I am currently bathing in a golden pool of my own happy tears, please leave me here for all eternity and supply food occasionally.
However, if anyone thought it would all stay happy and banter-y now they must have been reading than me, because Nora is waiting right around the corner to snatch me the fuck out of my happy pool:
It’s time for another Fancy Orange Sportsball Banquet, including our friends from Tall, Dark and Dramatic University.
Thankfully, our boy Neil has one thing in common with fandom by now, and that is being ready to protect Kevin at all costs.
“Neil” might be an easily-spooked runaway, and “Nathaniel” was a hunted young man, but “Abram” was the one shielded from and untouched by his father’s bloody business. Neil would pull on every murder he’d ever seen and every endless, desperate night, and he’d face Riko unflinching.
This is yet another wonderful, wonderful development in Neil where I cannot begin to tell you how much I like it. But more on that in a minute.
First, another point on the list of Things That Absolutely No One Saw Coming, and By No One I Mean Everyone.
“The following four teams have qualified to represent the southeastern district in spring championship games. I will list them in order of ranking, first to fourth. Edgar Allan, Palmetto State, Breckenridge, Belmonte.”
Aka the only teams we have seen the Foxes play against so far. What a surprise.
Also, I did mention that Neil and Renee are going as platonic dates, right?
Did I also mention how much I love Renee for going on platonic dates with people?? Bc same?? Also I love her??
“Sorry,” Neil said.
Renee sent him a curious look. “Why?”
“I’m no trying to ignore you.”
“It’s all right if you do,” Renee said. “Kevin needs you more than I do.”
I love you :( <333
Also, hate to say this, but homegirl is right.
“Your lack of survival instincts is supremely distressing,” Riko said. “Take that look off your face before I carve it off.”
That Fucker™ is back, everyone, and as always ready to supply us all with shitty input exactly no one asked for.
Neil hadn’t realized he was smiling, too, a cruel look he’d inherited from his father. Neil lowered his cup so Riko could get a better look at it. “I would love to see you try. You think I’m afraid of your knife? I’m the Butcher’s son.”
HELL FUCKIN YEAH.
After having met Angsty Dramatic Runaway Neil Josten, Sassy Lil Shit Neil Josten, and recently Responsibly Neil Josten, may I now introduce you to my newest favourite Neil Josten:
Fearless Neil Josten.
“I am the family your father was afraid of.” (…)
“Not of you,” Neil said, with fierce emphasis. “You’re not part of that family, remember? You’re the cast-off.”
Oh yeah, also Fearless Neil Josten is Sassy Lil Shit Neil Josten’s meaner twin brother.
GET FUCKED, RIKO.
He hoped it would hit, but he didn’t realize how deep it would cut. He’d never seen that look on Riko’s face but he knew he’d signed his death warrant.
Oops.
“A dog who bites his master’s hand deserves to be slaughtered.” (…)
“I am not a dog. I’m a Fox.”
“You are nothing but what I tell you to be.”
“We talked about your delusions.”
Neil, as much as I am enjoying your witty comebacks At All Times, I sagely advise you to shut the fuck up right about now.
“Let go of me, King.”
“I am King,” Riko agreed, “and you are going to spend Christmas at my castle. You’re coming to Evermore for winter break.”
I would have loved to dish out a few amused comments here in the style of lol, dream on Mr Fuckface Dramatic – however thanks to y’all I have been told time and time again that there was absolute shit going down on Christmas.
Which means that now I am not amused. I am incredibly scared.
“Drake was an interesting man, wasn’t he? I should thank the police for leading me straight to him. I might not have discovered him otherwise. Did you know, Nathaniel? Oakland lawyers are some of the cheapest to buy off.”
He set Andrew up. He set. Andrew. Up.
That FUCKER. I knew there was going to be a reason why Drake was there at that point exactly.
THAT FUCKER.
“Did you know I’ve bought one of the doctors at Eastaven, too? Unless you want these little therapy sessions of his to turn into therapeutic reenactments, you will be on a plane to West Virginia tomorrow morning.”
THAT FUCKING FUCKER.
I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
I will personally punch him in his shit-eating face – no, wait.
Neil didn’t have words, so he answered with his fist. He didn’t have a lot of room to swing but he made do and caught Riko right in his vulgar mouth.
NEIL will punch him in his shit-eating face.
I have been waiting for this since we first bloody met That Fucker™. I am living.
A short brawl ensues, which Neil would have totally won imo if the Coaches wouldn’t have separated them.
As it is, though, the Raven Posse is out of sight, though definitely not out of mind.
“What happened?”
“Neil hit Riko,” Matt said. “It was beautiful.”
“What?” Nicky squawked. “Not fair! I missed it! Go do it again.”
I am actually laughing so hard. Nicky, you are the best.
Neil explains the situation to the team – how Riko used the promise of getting Drake’s charges dismissed as bait for him to come see Andrew one more time – and then continues being unexpectedly and brilliantly badass.
“I’m going to kill him,” Nicky said.
“No,” Neil said, with a ferocity that had even Matt eyeing him warily. “We’ve got to break him first. If Exy is the only thing he cares about we’re going to take it away from him. First we destroy his reputation, then we destroy him.”
Have I mentioned how Fearless Neil Josten is my fucking FAVE.
“I don’t want us to lose a single game this spring. Can we do that?”
“Not a single damn game,” Dan said in a hard voice.
Hell yeah.
“I don’t have a choice. I have to go. You have to trust me.”
“He will break you.”
“He wishes he knew how,” Neil said. “Trust me. I promise I’ll come back, and when I do I’ll bring Andrew back with me. It’s going to be fine. So do you have my ticket or not?”
Hell fucking nope.
Is this happening?
This is the fuck happening.
Oh dear.
If you like this and you wanna help me continue writing, please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <3
#nicki reads tfc#trk#tfc#aftg#the raven king#the foxhole court#all for the game#nora sakavic#only two more chapters to go!!!!#im scared#and I know I'm not ready trust me I KNOW y'all keep fucking TELLING ME
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I Will Survive [Beta] - Chapter 5: Flash of Fire
[A/N: It’s going to get violent. I mean, it’s an Anti fic. Of course it’s gonna get violent at some point. The Nice Guy GlovesTM are off. Also, I’m going to give myself extra time for the next chapter. I need to both write it and also figure out some background/spoiler things. :D]
[Summary: In which somehow Bio Inc. gets uploaded anyway. Neurological violence ensues.]
[Previous - Next]
Beepbeepbeepbeep!
“Gah.” Sean floppily rolled over and gave his alarm clock a good whack. He lay with his arm dangling over the edge of the bed. Ugh. He did not want to be awake right now. He had to be, of course. Always shit to do. A good cup of the ol’ dirty bean water should help refresh him. As it always does. As should some breakfast. He was starving, hunger shakiness and all. Well, of course he was fucking starving, he never got to digest that sandwich.
Hopefully he could digest the eggs he could smell from the kitchen. So hungry. So caffeine-deprived. His feet automatically carried him there, where he found Signe, already dressed to take on the day, doing exactly what his nose predicted she was doing. Ooh, were those sweet potatoes getting put into the other pan? Yeeesss.
“You want some?”
“Yes, please.” Sean groggily started up the coffee pot. He leaned against the counter, hands at his sides gripping the edge. His eyes drifted shut. Mmm. Such good smells all around him. And sounds - the whirring of the coffee pot, and the sizzling of breakfast in the pans. It helped his eyes flutter back open for a moment.
“You feeling okay?”
“Yeah, just super hungry. Puking didn’t help.” The coffee started flowing into the pot with its signature satisfying babbling.
“I’m sure this’ll help wake you up, too.” She transferred half the contents of each pan onto each of the two plates she’d set out on the counter. Sean wasted no time grabbing a fork and scarfing down half of his serving right then and there, to Signe’s shock and amusement. “Oh my God. Don’t choke.”
“I wasn’t kidding,” he said with a little bit still in his mouth. Wow, he felt better already. Maybe he could slow down now. He swallowed what he had. “Plus eggs get cold fast.”
Signe started on her portion, too. Probably figured might as well, as long as Sean was eating here. She shook her head and laughed. “Not that fast.”
Sean took the initiative to grab mugs as the coffee pot finished filling. “Want some?”
“Sure. Just a little.”
Sean could feel the steam kissing his face as he poured her cup. Way too hot to drink right away. Signe agreed, blowing tiny waves into her drink, and flinching away when her efforts proved fruitless. She set it aside for now - as did Sean - picking up her plate and finishing her food. She leaned back against the counter, casually engaging in conversation.
“I think I’m going to go out today. It might help clear my head.”
He nodded, polishing off his last bite and setting his plate in the sink. “I think that’d be good for you. Where were you thinking?”
“I don’t know. Probably nowhere specific.” Signe finished her food and set her plate down on top of Sean’s. “I’ll know where I want to go when I see it.” She picked up the coffee mug again, blowing on it again and taking a tentative sip, and drinking more now that she was able to. Sean tested the temperature of his with the tip of his finger, not wanting to burn his lips or tongue. Still a tad hot. Would take a while longer since there was more in his mug.
“Even better. Just wandering around the city. It’s nice.” Sean took a test sip in the pause. Still pretty hot, but tolerable. “You heading out right now?”
“Yeah. I’ll be a couple hours, probably.”
“Well, you know where you’ll find me. Screaming my fucking head off.” He leaned down for a goodbye kiss. “See you later, babe.”
“Bye. Love you!” She set off with one of her classic cute waves that never failed to bring a smile to Sean’s face.
“Love you, too.”
Once alone again, Sean’s gaze drifted out the window, which he opened to let the breeze in. Nice and warm, but not too hot. Not bright or sunny, but that was okay. That was normal. He drank up his coffee, taking a bigger mouthful now that it cooled off enough for him to not scorch himself. The familiar comfort of the bitterness on his tongue and the heat expanding in his belly helped wake up and raise his spirits. Maybe he could make today a good day despite Anti’s fuckery.
...
What if it was all just a big prank?
If Anti followed the rules of Sean’s characterization of him - which may not be the case, he was willing to accept - then the possibility that he was merely out to fuck with everyone rather than actually harm them was a possibility that existed. What if he was getting worked up over nothing? What if they just warned dozens of people, who had little to nothing to do with any of this, of worse things to come that was actually coming? Felix and Marzia, at least, seemed to take it pretty seriously. Not the Felix would ever admit it, but Sean could hear the slightest twinge of fear in his voice as they talked. Normally he’d poke fun at him for it. This wasn’t a normal time.
It was weird, as scary as the whole thing was, no one had actually gotten hurt. Yet. As far as he knew. There was still that doubt with Mark, gnawing at the back of his mind, to consider.
He suddenly remembered that odd... dream? From last night, that conversation with that voice. Who were they? Anti? No, they didn’t seem malicious. He couldn’t remember all of what they talked about, but he did know that it was pleasant and calming. Nothing at all like Anti. Sean tried his best to remember what the voice sounded like - if it was identifiable to one he knew in real life. He didn’t remember it sounding like Anti’s, either. But he didn’t remember it sounding like anyone’s he knew. Maybe his memory was just bad. Didn’t they say they’d see him again soon? Maybe they’d show up again tonight?
Sigh... There was nothing he could do about any of this. Nothing beyond taking it one step at a time. One day at a time.
One recording at a time.
It’s time to start the day.
Whoa, look at this! Whoa, look at that!
That was pretty much all this recording session was going to be. God damn, this community made so much good shit. Look at all this art of him, of him and the Whoosh, of him and his friends, of all the egos...
“Aw, we should make a video game with them all, with all the characters.” That would be amazing. Especially an RPG, seeing how the community fleshed out and developed and interpreted the characters.
Who was this guy on the far right-hand side?
Jack the Magnificent, huh? He never gave the magician guy a name, did he? It felt a little weird, though, having three characters with “Jack” in their names. Jackieboy Man he could leave alone, since that was already a name he’d officially given him. Well, back in the video he showed up in, the name “Marvin” was the name that was given, right?
“That’s his name! That’s what we’re gonna call him from now on: Marvin the Magnificent! You all helped, ‘cause we did Marvin’s Magic.”
This was fun, making more characters! The community was gonna love this, having a new little baby to call their own. So was Sean!
Sean gradually sidled up next to Signe on the sofa. Bit by bit. Inch by inch. Until he was practically merged with her. While she let the game she was playing keep running - she could afford to, it was the middle of a Pokemon battle - the visible pause in her hand movement served as her acknowledgement of his playful pestering. She slowly turned her head towards him. Sean gave a wave, a smile, and a “Hi.”
“Do you mind?”
“Nope.” He peered over her shoulder. “Did you catch ‘em all yet?”
“Getting there.”
“What do you mean, ‘getting there?’“ He leaned back out of her personal zone, opening up Twitter on his phone. “You should’ve finished that a long time ago. You’ve been playing nonstop for, like, a month.”
“Have not.”
“You put in, like, three hours an hour.”
Signe flung her arm towards the window. “I went outside earlier! You saw!”
Sean shook his head and started scrolling through Twitter. “Probably out trying to find Rowlets on a power line.”
...Wait, what?
“You can’t get Rowlet in Pokemon Go.”
Hang on.
“I’m happy with my little Cyndaquil, though.”
This conversation was going to have to be dropped. Something was horribly wrong. These tweets...
Towards the end of the new Bio Inc I was getting migraine headaches. lol what if Anti’s real?
> same here??????
> Thirded. Like really bad too. And double vision.
“What the fuck?”
“Sean?”
“God,” he muttered under his breath, “the ride just doesn’t fucking end.”
Signe shut her 3DS and leaned over his shoulder.
“I never fucking finished it,” Sean said, largely to himself.
“What’s going on?”
“They’re all talking about Bio Inc. And they’re all getting, like, headaches and shit from it, apparently.”
> My sister had a literal seizure after watching it!!! No family history of epilepsy or nothing, shes never had a seizure before!!
> headaches with aura and nausea. the fuck is happening Jack!?!?!
> wow everyone’s feeling like that? holy shit im scared D:
Sean opened Youtube in a new tab. There’s no fucking way. There couldn’t be. He was more willing to believe that Anti was making shit up on Twitter than actually uploading an entire nonexistent video to Youtube and giving millions of people migraines and seizures from it.
And yet, there it was. The newest upload. Not Suicide Guy as was intended, but rather:
KILL JA̠͎̭̕CKSEPTICEYE | Bio IN҉̱c. RedempT̡͟I͘on #5.
Then again, he had to admit, Anti uploading a video wouldn’t be the craziest thing to have happened thus far.
“Wa-pssh! Top o’ the mornin’ to ya, laddies! My name is Jacksepticeye, and welcome back to Bio Inc. Redemption!”
So at least it started off normally. Jack quickly became nauseated, desperately trying to hold back vomit, and ran off camera, with Dr. Schneeplestein appearing in his place. All as Sean originally wanted. It looked as though it was genuinely edited from what he did manage to successfully record. Even the mini bloopers with his face mask. But Sean knew better. Something had to be different.
Something such as the Anti moments that rapidly filtered in. Sean had planned for them, he did. But of course... it wasn’t finished. He didn’t record the little blips yet. Robin didn’t edit the Anti moments yet. There’s no way they should have been there. Yet they were. Sean’s head and vision pulsed with every blip.
Or another something such as Schneeplestein taking off his hat at the end, and Anti’s evil laugh filtering in. As if taking over the doctor’s body. Sean didn’t plan for that.
“I need your help!” Schneeplestein cried. “Save him! Save Jackse-”
“Anti.”
“I’m feeling dizzy,” Signe said. Sean wrapped his arm behind her, stabilizing both of them. Her breathing turned quick and shallow.
Schneeplestein suddenly tried to strangle himself with the headphone cable, correcting himself with a “What am I doing?” For a moment, Sean swore he could feel his own throat closing on itself.
His heart raced.
As Jack’s condition worsened, the screen decolorized. It was growing more and more obvious that Schneeplestein was operating under Anti’s control, with Anti breaking through as his name was inadvertently mentioned within “antidepressant” and “anticoagulant.”
Jack ultimately died - as planned, Sean wished he could say. And in his place...
“Ẃell, ͜lo͢o͘ḱ ͏who'͞s͡ ba͟çk!”
Sharp ringing pierced Sean’s ears and black splotches formed and disintegrated in his field of vision. Signe flinched as well. Jesus Christ. The community weren’t fucking kidding.
“I’m tired of playing pr̸̨ȩt̀en͠d́! Sick of it!” Anti’s hair started flickering between green and red - giving Sean a bit of a headache - gradually remaining red for longer blips of time as his demonic speech carried on. “And y̴ou th̶òug͝h̵t ͏you h͠ad ͡h̛i̕m ͝b҉ac̡k͜...” It reverted back to green.
“What the fuck is this?” Signe cried. She doubled over, hands clamped over her ears, breathing quickening even more to the point of hyperventilating. She ripped herself from Sean’s grip and took off before saying anything more, and before Sean could stop her and ask if she was okay.
“ I've k̴e͢p̶t͏ c̛ontr̀ol all this time.” Anti ran his fingers along the edge of the blade. Almost... seductively. Sean felt like he was suffocating. “N̨͝o̡̡͜͟t̵h̛́͟i͡҉͠n̷̷̢g̸̷͞ gets rid of me!” A shock blasted up his spine, throwing his head backwards against the back of the sofa and sending the phone flying out of his grasp. He may not have smacked against a wall, but it still hurt like a bitch. From the other room, he heard a thud and Signe yelping in pain at the same time as his head smash. Please be okay... Vertigo kept him trapped in place, and his vision turned dark again.
Anti’s voice continued, now seeming to come from within Sean’s own head as much as from the distance. “Mo̡c͞k̶i̛n͜g̢ ̢m̸e with your ‘glitch bitch’...” One of his evil laughs followed, and shocks ran through Sean’s body again, this time pinning his limbs down. His jaw, too, locked shut. Was this what having a seizure was like?
“P̨̛ò͘w͟͜e̷̷͘r͜le̕s̸s̴̸̷!̸͢͢”
“Sean!”
Signe’s shriek made his blood run cold. He desperately wanted to respond. He couldn’t.
“Wh̵o͝ do̡ you̡ ͏th̴i̕nk ͢y̷o͘u̧'̵v̴e ҉be͜e͠n҉ ̶w̸a͝tch͜in͢g all̸ t͞h͟is͡ tim̷e? My p̴̨u҉͟p̷͜͝p̛è͘t̷s̢.”
Fuckfuckfuck... Let me up! Signe, no...
“I̧f͏ ́y҉ou ̕wan̶t͡ h͠i͠m̕ b́a͝c͟k̀ so badly, then why don’t you ̶sav̸e ̵hi̵m̛?”
“Sean, hel-” She was silenced mid-sentence.
Signe! He tried with all his might to break out of his locked joints. To no avail. No!
“There are no̢ s̛tr̛i҉ng̸s͞ on me.”
His brain was screaming. Ringing. Pulsating.
...
And then all was silent.
“And for you! This isn’t over.”
Sean couldn’t get up. His joints felt released. Relaxed. His breathing and heartbeat slowed to a crawl. Too relaxed.
“I wonder what will happen to your favorite boy next time.”
Why did Sean feel so calm?
“See you soon.”
...
God damn, Anti was pissed this time around. All of the fun of his last two appearances was gone. Despite being a fictional character, Alyssa felt a significant quiver of fear in her chest after watching Bio Inc. Or maybe it was the drugs the doctors ordered for her. Who knows. It wasn’t pleasant to watch either way. Not that it was bad. The video was phenomenal, as always. A ray of sunshine on her fourth gloomy day in the hospital. It was so obvious that Jack and Robin had a blast creating this character, and the fun really rubbed off on Alyssa.
One, two, Anti’s coming for you~
It was Anti’s voice, unmistakable. But it sounded like it came from within her own head? Her eyes flicked around the room, scanning every corner; her ears opened in a vain attempt to catch another sound from him. Was she just going crazy? Was it just a side effect of whatever drugs they gave her?
Suddenly her nose and throat were forcefully blocked by a searing mass of thick fluid. Black mist flecked with green spanned across her field of vision. Something grabbed and squeezed her whole body like a giant’s hand, even holding her a few inches off the bed. Shocks shot through her spine and head. She needed to scream, but couldn’t. The fluid was real. Her arm was pinned to her side, unable to reach the call button that was otherwise right there...
It felt like the fluid in her lungs burst out and ripped down through the rest of her insides. Like her body had been hollowed out and filled with magma. Her spine bent backwards farther than she’d ever thought possible. The pain was mind-shattering. So much that she couldn’t even think about her imminent demise.
The first nurse on the scene about fainted at the sight. Staff crowded around, speechless. Alyssa’s father waited just outside the door, receiving no words of comfort about his baby girl.
This was no mere code. There was no resuscitating this one.
The next thing Alyssa knew, she was somehow alive, but alone, greeted by a gray, twilit sky and the hospital’s equally-monochrome edifice.
#jacksepticeye#antisepticeye#wiishu#fanfic#z write#not a reblog for once#I will survive#hehehehehe#htl alyssa
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