all my favourite characters are just me seeing them and going "damn you sure do clean up well but I'd much rather see you grinning with blood between your teeth"

i don’t know if anybody else needs to hear this but -

go do that thing you need to do. whether it’s cleaning, checking the mail, doing laundry. do it. divide it up into bite sized pieces or tackle it all at once; whatever works for your brain. get yourself a lil treat (favorite coffee, snack, album, show) and do it

new rule: you have to lick up all the cum you force out of me because the amount of times i do this shit in a day/week is...

crack continuation of the tv drama AU

trowa is absolutely the type to refuse to call you and instead send you brick texts

i get so frustrated with ppl who wont just fucking help themselvessss. obviously theres a spectrum of pain and subsequent ability when it comes to mental illness but ive known so many people specifically gay people who let themselves live in squalor all while going to therapy taking medication and claiming to take care of themselves. thats the thing self care is NOT doing nothing, self care is actually doing the dishes sorry. its taking the trash out. calling the doctor and making an appointment. being an ADULT. i live with two people in their mid to late 20s who only do a chore once every few weeks and if i ever deign to bring it up i get either aggressive or apologetic responses about depression and struggle. as if im not constantly struggling. i force myself to do things bc they make me feel better… me and you are not all that different. ignoring your human life maintenance or outsourcing it to other ppl is the biggest form of self harm thats become normalized in certain communities

THE BESTIES ARE COMING TO VISIT ME THIS WEEKEND!!!!!

i dreamt that i worked at Smosh and Spencer got there and I was enthusiastically complimenting him because he was gone for two days and NO ONE would clean the floor good except for Spencer.

my ex, who lives alone, is apparently about to buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom, 2-garage house. what. i'm getting stressed out just hearing about it. tf you gonna do with all that space, bro? how you gonna clean all those bathrooms???

Today's mood is atrocious say sike

went to my bf’s dentist and they were so niceys to me <3 told me my last dentist was ripping me off & gave me a much more affordable plan with way less intensive work. still insanely expensive bc dental work is a bitch but it’s abt 4k less than what the other office told me it would be. AND they gave me actual dental care tips for my disabled teeth :,)

ugh okay i'm missing writing now

maybe if I tell myself decluttering and going thru stuff I'm scared to even go thru isn't scary I won't avoid it anymore

Ok therapists and what not have long wait lists, but I was given a prescription for adhd meds soo I guess I just start taking them and maybe reach out to the staff counseling service at work until I can get in with someone else to work on the adhd thing.

my pcp wanted me to work with someone to help monitor how the meds are working for me (or not). i'm terrible at journaling, but i guess i can track things here xD

I'm on a low extended release dose but i'm still a little nervous. So far though, I'm noticing my usual morning "i'm tired and need caffeine or i can't be held responsible for my actions" headache is going away. If that's related or just the fact it's already 9:30, who knows lol

LOLLLLL a while ago i talked about how my work keeps fucking over cafe staff and not paying our food vendors and shit and NOW they're fucking over cleaning bc they're not paying our suppliers for chemicals and supplies.

had a talk with my boss today that was basically “hey this recent bout of covid has put the writing on the wall for me and I can’t do the physical aspect of this job sustainably anymore, can you help me figure out something else, hopefully here at the aquarium cause I don’t want to have to move again and I like working here, or at least can you point me to the person who can help me figure that out” and fingers crossed but here’s hoping I can just land a desk job and still be able to see my birds from time to time

havers' silly little "I dont think they'll be here just yet sir" when cap panics about france surrendering.. god it just reeks of fondness. the waves of adoration I can feel from that line. the late nights doing paperwork and sharing brandy, the stolen smiles across lawn as they set up the cricket field, the longing stares through windows. I can see them, I can hear them. because of that fucking line. "I don't think they'll be here just yet sir" and his cheeky little smirk. that is the face of a man thinking "he's so stupid. i can't believe I'm gonna fuck him"