#of my head. but Thoughts indeed
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#adamandi#ambrose wellington bassford#infer as you will i suppose. wanted to draw a statue ambrose but accidentally painted it because smth smth blending fits him#again. main things taken from lyrics of the actual show ++ this definition i checked with google because i didn't remember it off the top#of my head. but Thoughts indeed#sfgdhhdf ok hello i am back today has been a Day (not very good) (oh well) (small mercies) ...#did not expect the melliot to find this so quickly but since i guess the Official Tumblr has reblogged it i'll just edit this one.#as opposed to reuploading. o//o#i painted it at 2am on impulse and have very little recollection of the whole event -? and then in a fit of pique added words and posted it#it is Very different from the original draft. i'd like to maybe do that one justice someday... anyways something something sometimes#a piece of art you make organically Evolves of its own volition... anyways.#maybe i'm projecting but recently (tuesday?) i found out something Important i had in the works Collapsed in the kiln#kaboom. ah the perils of ceramics. anyway thanks to the messed up 3d of everything i'm working on rn (the pros and cons of visual art subj#is that you get to make art for a grade) and. ceramics and sculpture and classics etcetera. <blinks> wow i really latched on to art aspects.#but nevertheless! ambrose brainrot real. iirc my thoughts were smth like. most strongly. that contrapposto? based on my school art history#was that it evolved from the very neutral rigid ancient greek sculptures of people which were all about Mathematical Symmetry. because#the main thing about contrapposto was that it reflected irl people more... more life-like? so it's very ironic to me#that Alive ambrose went and tried to turn himself into a statue. with part of the draw being contrapposto.. like?????#ah yes you like this sculpture because it's lifelike. and you'd rather be a sculpture than alive huh. the contrasts are !! in my head#also maybe i just.. wanted to paint... idk i had ambrose on the brain yesterday and it was something about sculptural messed up perfection#fun fact!!! the skin and hair i all greyed out to look like marble. fun fact number two: he has no eyes in this. like no pupils :3#fun fact number 3 (irrelevant) marble statues are only common wrt ancient greece bc the romans iirc came along and repurposed the bronzes.#because apparently bronze was a Hot Commodity at the time. and in return to preserve the art they made marble replicas. so most marble#ancient greek statues are apparently copies and the originals had totally different aesthetics#fun fact number 4: the background is a very greyed out image of my broken ceramics.. i wanted something nice to come out of it at least#fun fact number 5: i wanted to make him crack. like shattered ceramic or smth. that was the original idea. but instead it went to the pretty#sculpture route... kinda wanna make the messed up one though!!#fun fact number 6! because of Art Studio i'm covered in white paint and like it doesn't come off so it's been on my fingers and arms and#basically everywhere. so flesh turning into white stuff aes is fascinating i wanna explore... fun fact no.7.. i have accidentally maybe#began using screenshots as drawing practice. idk what to do with this info. if anything nice turns up ig i'll post it maybe
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my friend and i were talking about how strange it is to see young actors hit puberty in between filming and release so i passionately explained to her about how i am 99% sure that during a scene in good omens s1 where adam and brian were discussing the intricacies of atlantis people surviving with diving helmets on had adam's actor voice dubbed in "that's right" because of how 1) the camera is still on brian and we do not pan over to adam speaking the actual line and 2) adam's actor's voice sounds fairly deeper on that line compared to his voice in the rest of the season and my friend just responds with:
"i think you should put that on the adhd application"
i-
what do i do now.. having received the read of the century. get tested for adhd i fucking guess.
#good omens#good omens s1#ok maybe i have watched good omens season 1 like at least 30 times#and maybe i've memorized so much of the script accidentally that random phrases from random scenes will pop into my head#like when covid reared its ugly head and it was the line “strange times indeed” from that one news caster after the ep 4 atlantis cold open#i thought everyone was like this#apparently not#neil gaiman#adhd
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this meme was made for him
#yeehaw im in my franklydear feelings tonight yall#turning them over in my head like a well-loved uh. Something. trinket. gift.#fuck me its 4am no wonder im struggling to add tags rn#and i am indeed Struggling#so no rambles tonight. i thought this would be a funny little scribble and i was Right#scribble salad#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#franklydear
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Every time you think, "Oh, I don't have [x condition], I'm basically cured!" that is the devil talking. You aren't cured, you are likely going through periods of your symptoms waning. Don't cease whatever you're doing to help yourself, like medication, for instance, because it's likely you still have the conditions or symptoms, even if you aren't noticing them as frequently or severely.
#disability#this is a callout post about myself#i genuinely thought my GAD was cured because my symtoms had lessened significantly since i've transitioned#turns out my anxiety is just as killer and awful - it's just muted slightly#i am currently laying down with my brain convinced that i'm About To Have a Heart Attack#(and not in the fun demi lovato kind of way)#(that song is a little over a decade old... what the bingle)#anyway please don't do what i do whenever i experience ANY level of symptoms getting better because it will shock you...#...when those symptoms come back and remind you that you Do Indeed have [x condition]#i now know how a wolf girl feels when they say they are Actually Feral because that's how i feel rn 💀#even I'M not immune to the idea that the things i suffer from are things that can Disappear Magically 😭#it's wishful thinking and almost like... imposter syndrome because you're *so* desperate to prove to yourself you're Fine or A Faker#and you become hyperfixated on picking every tiny little waxing and waning of symptoms like you're a fortune teller#and honestly it's really stiffling and it's a lot of work to kill the cop in your head that says you are secretly Not All That Affected...#...that you're either exaggerating to the Extreme or you're just a bored faker who's trying to Get Attention (bad somehow)
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Rancher enjoyers,, you couldn’t help but think of that when Tommy said ‘make out with a blaze, put your tongue in it’
#Lmao#Jimmy’s new episode#Tommy ships Ranchers I guess#Yes my first thought was indeed#‘Wait#Tango??#Why specifically a blaze Tom Simons#and why did I think blaze = Tango#We’re all deprived of rancher content#that we result in having to make it up in our own head#we’re not eating crumbs anymore#they’re making the bread while we scope for the crumbs#tommyinnit#solidaritygaming#Trafficshipping#??#Maybe#I dunno#rancher duo#team rancher
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no because i'm over here trying to maintain a steady course and trying to not jump to conclusions and trying not to panic over out of context articles/questions/pieces of texts where i can't properly read the tone
and then rhys rolls up with-
#LIKE????#HELLO???????#i'm so#like i was kicking my legs and giggling all the way through that entire article#because it was so nice to see him so excited about getting to be a mermaid#and so so nice to finally hear him talk#AND THEN THAT JUST#WAS A SUCKER PUNCH STRAIGHT TO THE JUGULAR RIGHT THERE AT THE END?????#but like#i feel like david wouldn't........right?#RIGHT???????#*stede voice* jodi you're panicking!#*Ed voice* I'M NOT PANICKING ALRIGHT#y'all know that one spongebob gif where he's just looking forlorn at a table#that's me right now PFFFFF#like many thoughts head full but none of them are Forming Into A Fully Coherent Piece#something something piracy did end up getting killed off by the british indeed#and something something that violence is realistically going to be a threat for them#but also something something these pirates wear crocs and say 'for the lols' and bowl with british soldiers like it's nothing#so i would be SHOCKED if they did indeed get an unhappier more historically accurate fate#idk what's everyone thinking lol HOW ARE WE FEELING#BESTIES/ANONS PSSSPSPSPSPSP#OFMD#OFMD Season 3#Rhys Darby#Gentlebeard#Blackbonnet
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got the posting anxiety bad tonight
#click clack#ok a peak into my thought process and anxiety here we go#ok so the art is almost done and up to standard I would post onto my art blog#BUT for some reason the thought of posting art of my ocs there scares me#because even tho it’s my art blog in my mind it’s the equivalent to a art gallery that demands being detached????? from the art#like once I share it there it’s no longer ‘mine’ but to the public#and my ocs (plus the stories that go with them) are like the closest to my heart and relinquishing them feels like a lot#a part of my imagination that I spent so much time with developing over the years to be placed up for judgement…#so then the solution could be to put it here on my personal! the online space cozy enough and filled with other posts that could easily bury#the original posts I put here#but there goes my other dilemma. i don’t want them too associated with my personal for if one day i do muster up something for publication#my big fear is that ppl will find this space and go thru everything. the fear of being perceived and judged 😵💫#all the hypotheticals and anxiety for something that may not even happen#dumb mind problems my head made up 🙄#anyway writing it out helped lol I’m posting it to my art blog I decided 👍#I have to work on getting that blog to be comfortable space to post… i should lower that silly self imposed standard I set for myself#and be whatever about ppl being aware of my online presences#maybe… [grinding my teeth] I should post my messy sketches onto my art blog…#I should take my friends suggestion and make a website to feature my ocs…🤔#idk my only other solution that doesn’t feel viable to mitigate the anxiety is to slowly introduce my ocs in the background of setting art#just a slow drip until they are in the forefront#bleghhh whatever much ado about nothing it’s like I never posted my ocs ever when I have indeed posted them before on both places ( º＿º )#I’m realizing it happens too when I post too much fanart in a row… I have curator disease??? 🫨#or something I used to be very particular about what order I reblog stuff like it used to be by color and content balanced out#I still do to a lesser degree… but it used to be pretty bad#post order compulsion????#the fear of being abrupt and incohesive in between posts…#if you read this far thanks you can now see how much this consumes me 🙃
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Since the summer before kindergarten, when Charlie Swan tripped over his two left feet and fell into an unaware Billy Black — changing the course of both their lives forever — the two had only spent one summer apart.
Nowadays they didn’t speak of the disastrous three months they threw themselves into the arms of others, in the hopes of ignoring the fact their friendship had, without either intending it — in fact both fighting desperately to prevent it — morphed into something that could no longer be defined as merely friendship.
The two did not speak of the woman traveling through their small town who wore Charlie’s grandmother’s engagement ring for two whole weeks before she broke up with him on a sticky note. They did not mention the woman Billy had grown up with, who he had politely courted through the summer only to lose her to a full-ride scholarship to a school five hours away.
Shortly after being utterly embarrassed and broken-hearted — although the hurt had not stung quite as much as when they had stormed out of each other’s lives months prior — they bumped into each other in the only bar in town, Charlie tripping over his own two left feet and spilling Billy’s beer over both of them. It was the first time either had laughed in days.
By the end of the year the two men had pooled every cent to their name and bought a creaky old fishing boat together; it was a reasonable decision, Billy coming from a long long line of fishermen and Charlie having the worst case of sea sickness in history.
The little ship would disappear into the vast ocean for a week at a time, away from prying eyes and the hushed whispers of shore. When the boat finally sputtered back into port it was full of enough fish to feed the entire town for weeks, they gave most of it away to those who could use it, selling only enough to pay the slip rental and the occasional trip to the laundromat to keep their shared collection of flannels somewhat clean.
One day a scraggly orange cat wandered on-board, greeting the men on the swim step as they came back from their monthly breakfast at The Lodge. Old superstitions of good luck forced them to keep the stray, arguing only over what to name the thing. They landed on Anchovy.
The two odd fishermen, and their cat, lived on that dilapidated boat, together, long after they could both afford apartments to themselves.
They did not mourn the lives they could have had. They lived the one they had never dared to hope for amongst the choppy seas and the constant smell of bait, cursed the fact they had ever spent even one summer apart, and thanked everything they would never be just friends.
#billy black#charlie swan#charlie swan/billy black#this is indirectly the most pathetic edge marquis’ fault because they feed into my obsession of these two#I hope this is readable I wrote late at night and did very minimal edits but I have so many thoughts about these fishermen#if you saw this the first time no you didn’t I got in my head about it deleted it and then decided I did indeed like it
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pokemon au anybody
#qkdraws#suncaster au#suncaster warriors#the legend of zelda#legend of zelda#tloz#loz#loz au#zelda au#pokemon#scpkmn#pkmn#noivern#been thinkin abt this sm#i have like an entire world abt it in my head and i bother my qpp constantly w it#it's a more realistic approach to pokemon i guess. i love thinkin abt the logistics of it#prolly sounds boring as hell but one of my fav things abt pokemon#is actually the like‚‚‚‚‚ hypothetical biology of animals n shit#i LIVE for that stuff#i don't even know much abt biology or how animals' bodies function i just . enjoy it very much#and i also love thinkin abt the implications of everything. the laws that would be put in place in a world as dangerous as pkmn#more indepth stuff abt trainers n shit#it's very fun to think about :]#noivern is my favorite pokemon. so they get paired w my favorite boye :)#typhlosion is also on his team. one of my favorite starters#this pic doesn't show it but wars Does indeed still have his cheek scar in this au. due to ‚‚‚‚‚‚‚‚‚ circumstances >:)#i haven't thought of names for many of his pokemon yet‚‚‚‚ i should tho#his gardevior Is indeed named Volmoir tho#i named my shiny gardevoir that in legends arceus and i am very fond of him#prolly weird name but i like being dramatic abt names and making them strange <3
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@death-by-mercury
Ethan Peck, grandson of...
...the incomparable Gregory Peck.
#both of these were kind of journeys for me#growing up I only knew GP as Atticus from TKAM and so he was very much Dad (On-Screen Version) in my head#and at some point in the last ten-ish years I went “wait...he's PRETTY?”#(he is. extremely. “devastatingly handsome” indeed.)#and Ethan: I am not...a huge fan either of the Star Trek show(s) he's in or of the way his version of Spock has been written#and at first (long before I watched SNW) I was salty bc I thought he looked nothing like Nimoy (he really doesn't) OR like GP#(which...he definitely does? there is a strong resemblance?? lol I don't have eyeballs ig)#anyway: in SNW he has a MUCH better hairstyle than the utterly abysmal things they were doing with his hair and facial hair in Discovery#and he won me over with his charm and his gorgeous smile and his adorable collection of Trek shirts#also he strips in his second scene in SNW which helped lol#so...here I am: crushing on Peck men
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When The Front Bottoms said “My head has thoughts.” Holy shit man, fuck, yeah it sure does.
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Who knows what Gerudo culture or fashion would have evolved into by 'Rule's time but it's nice to think about him getting to experience a bit more of it in another universe... Before BLYGanon sours it for him... Also been thinking about that Great Fairy of the desert...
#the more i think about Rulie details and lore. the more fun little bits i find about if he were indeed Gerudo#walks death mountain without fear of the heat. no thought for swimming but can sail#that spark of magic- fire like koume. lightning like urbosa#the red Triforce mark. an attunement to Power even if he's got courage in spades too....#lu hyrule#or. blood like yours! lu Hyrule. BLYrule if you would.#my art#alt text#first picture is more first game rulie. second is more post sequel i feel#pulled from the game sprites and then the guidebooks art for the first one#which was interesting#since the first couple of players guides were made years before any games with the Gerudo planned#id honestly want to describe the aesthetic of Impa and the Sages- what we'd later assume to be Sheikah#to learn more... Gerudo tbh. colors and drapes. which would have interesting implications to what happens to them in the downfall timeline#as opposed to them in ww tp or fsa#but here i gave impa more sheikah colors to contrast with Rulie's#anyway. hypnotizing nin10do to give us a Gerudo link..... any day now....#none of these designs are set in stone or anything. im just thinking out loud... spinning this idea around because i guess i didn't enough#already lol.......... pls make 'Gerudo!Hyrule (Linked Universe)' a tag..... pls look into it's potential.......#also yeah. been calling him BLYrule in my head but! once other aus use it it too! will have more options and branches and nicknames#gerule? no i dont like that#someone give a better name than that#huh. these colors look different on my computer from phone.#these were not all drawn the same day. or even week. so inconsistency yeah...
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So I've been thinking. It's funny how enjoying meta is somewhat embedded with trust.
Like, if you're "friends" and have followed a person for a long time, you have more a sense of their values, and it's easier to read their difficult meta because you trust more that they're being charitable/nuanced.
If you don't know them, it's harder to trust that they're not funneling difficult topics into rationalization of liking/supporting gross shit.
#meta thoughts#case in point - so much of the wincest community still comes off super classist to me and it sorts of...leaks into their meta#you'll be going alone with an interesting character study and then you read stuff that just BOOM classism about family ties#then you go to their page and you find that yes they're into that shit and there's typically a desert of thoughtful cas military angels etc#they tend to like benny cause benny is an idealized brother substitute / sam parallel and it's given the most uncharitable reading#just because you choose a partner than is familiar and like your fam members does not mean you're into your family members oh my god#and sure there's tons of visual and overt racism in SPN in general but to me that at least gets discussed#the classism inherent to narrative fangirl obsessions with incest? not as dissected#familism and community are seen as Weird (TM) to them and they kind of tell on themselves with that imho#and like with racism there are just some things you can't overlook to enjoy a series if you're black because that's your day to day life an#with classism it's hard too bc sometimes you can't escape the reminders of day to day life#and when ppl in the fandom see the villain's monologues as TRUTH you just wanna shake your head but know it's not worth arguing#communal living is more normal than america wants you to think...rich folks want it labelled *weird* bc they want you separated and drained#i am begging us to deconstruct suburbia instead of defaulting to TEEHEE incest bc shitting on pooled resources is paramount in a rigged gam#I find the inherent isolation of american living-to-work without any time to visit each other VERY isolating indeed...also...#like how did we get here#where we're so afraid of labels like*cults* and *helicopter parenting* and *enmeshment* than we isolate as a form of hallowed independence#american success culture has a dark side too#and separating low class families is the aim#get them to spend more $$$ and go for lofty ideals in pursuit of american dream instead of pooling their resources and meeting their needs#meanwhile rich folks do so much respectable nepotism and pretend they're *self-made*#to me that's what the symbol of zachariah is ALLLL about#and if you're blind to what his taunts ACTUALLY mean...i'm very suspicious of your worldview#if resource sharing and co-living becomes shameful and *incestuous* for lower classes then they won't pool their power at all#american exceptionalism#spn + class#class#class warfare#giving up college dreams to be a caretaker seems way more common in poor families too#i suspect we see the incest reading less from brown families / hispanic fams...cause familism is more common
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the reason he doesn’t have a yet r e l e a v ed older brother is that we co||ective|y do not deserve a Mikhail
#bsd fyodor#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd fyodor dostoyevsky#bsd fyodor dostoevsky#bsd fanart#traditional art#fanart#unsolved and endless#anyway if you get me started on the bond of the irl Dostoyevsky brothers (specifically Mikhail and Fyodor) I'll talk endlessly and#accumulate oceans of t e a r s from the wholesomeness and d e s p a i r and for each tear I'll give you a reference from their letters#this is not even a theory it's just a c r a z y idea but in my head the books we see Fedya reading at Meursault were sent to him by Misha#just like in the crue| 1 8 4 9 when Mikhail put enormous efforts in sending lots of books & the localPetersburg literary journals to Fyodor#when irl Fyodor was imprisoned in the Petropavlovskaya Fortress between April and December (and spoilers: after that things got even worse)#(if I'm already using the short forms to distinguish the irl persons from their BSD counterparts)#even without this I still appreciate Asagiri and Harukawa for adding books to his pr!son cell as a nod to Fyodor across 1 8 4 9 - 1 8 5 4#in my mind various theories of mine clash because what if there's a Mikhail around indeed or what if Mikhail is his ability?#this wouldn't make any sense but then again did the Natsume ex machina in ch50 make sense? certainly not but cat s!ns are forg!ven#closing thought is just that I adore drawing Fedya and his ability
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I DONT HAVE THE IMAGES IRGHT NOW BUT YOU UNDETRNSAD?? YOU GET ?? YOLU GET? IM MADLY I NLOV WITH YOU TIWLIGHTRCADE MY GOOD FRIEND MY COMRADEMY RIDE ROD IE
#freak to freak communication you know ?#thank u . u r the best ever <3#i really enjoy ur rants and talkings always always.. i hope we r buried skeleton together all for meotauls#anyway matty and ahshe silluy in the way that thjey absooltuely fucking hate eahcother nad ahse has dienfitley b#locked many things out as his life froze after his family died therefore he hasnt had time to process the anger towards matty#maybe he has had anger nad bitterness towards other things but i dont feel like matty is high on his priority right now esp#since he doesnt know wher eh eis but hes still a deep rooted issue - and its not thast he hasnt accepted his familys#death exactly (thouhg i guess that is it but in other wording) its that he hasnt accepted it ending like this#he has to think about his family dead to think about summoning them back yet still i do think he does have#many delusions where they are alive and the thought of going back to them is the only thing keeping him going really#sometimes i think about how even wehn hes crossed the line and killed so#mebody hes still going on it feels like a dead corpse being raked across the floor to lose another piece of who he is once again#kid's heart#BUT THAT ISNT WHAT I WNATED TO TALK ABOUT AURGHH!!#i think that in the past maybe possuibnly you have to be another level of ill to get this far#but ashe geeneeuinly thought of matty as a good friend who was close to him etc etc but on mattys side its harder#because theres no clear intetion ill make up my own i say he did value ashe in a way but#in the end what did indeed win out was his hatred and infeoririuty towards ashe - i dont think he even wouldve goen that far#if he didnt know ashe o rmaybe he wouldve done it sooner - he would spend time with ashe normally with the thought#of how hes using him bnack in his head then go home nad the feelings would pile up pile up pile up esp since his parents#would lay the pressure on thick meanwhile whenever he went to ashes house it wa s ashining exmaple#of what he didnt hvae#and because matty is selfish. it drives him insane#i find it kinda funny how ashe got his trust broken by him leaving such a scar yet now hes#lying to people as matty was as well#i can say more but im scared.
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