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#now what am i supposed to do with this. i cant override the defences bc i still dont know everything about it so what its just going to be
wingedbeings · 2 years
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#gahhh. cant let it go#i can always repress things why not this. why are you so dead set on keeping this on the surface#it feels like a cruel joke. i know its not i know you have your reasons but its not supposed to be my purpose#i was here to solve your crap and i know i went too far with that but i didnt have access to this knowledge or feeling. all i saw is#another thing keeping us from stabilising#sighs. im so enraged i didnt get access to this sooner i didnt learn about this sooner and found some communication#yeah it wasnt right what happened to us but neither was it right what happened after when i came into play#blinded so blinded all the time to protect us#so now what. now that i did gain access now that i am more of a formed personality instead of a drone focussing on a purpose#now what am i supposed to do with this. i cant override the defences bc i still dont know everything about it so what its just going to be#on my mind like some sort of haha look what you did you idiot.#sighs#i know the host switch and me existing and me ridding of it all was necessary but its never going to feel right again#even with the worst parts of it#because i dont have their full memory the full picture to rationalise and analyse all i have is how it aches to be without#that.#「and im sorry i left but it was for the best」#「though it never feels right」#「my little versailles」#stars.exe#i'm not good with feeling like you were. but im sorry for how it aches to us both#everything is another reminder and i'm sorry i cannot fix this we cannot fix this
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