#now i want to reread the old willis place lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

strandnreyes · 6 months

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jen, i've been trying to think of something super unhinged for nice ask week and i haven't been able to think of anything. so here's my shit excuse for nice ask week and sorry that you might have to look some of these up. please rank these fictional vampires in order from least want to befriend to most want to befriend AND ALSO from not-est to hottest (others opinions are welcome - this is MY ask, MY rules - just kidding pls post this jen, i worked so hard on it):

1. count dracula, dracula (specifically, the 1992 adaptation of the novel in which gary oldman - admittedly, my older gentleman crush - plays dracula)

2. stefan salvatore, the vampire diaries

3. damon salvatore, the vampire diaries (had to ask for both brothers, come on)

4. laurent, twilight (u know i think he is a lil something something)

5. daddy cullen i mean carlisle cullen, twilight

6. dakota fanning looking extremely slay, twilight

7. spike, buffy the vampire slayer

8. count von count, seasame street

9. eric northman, true blood

10. bella swan, vampiric edition, twilight

11. blade, blade

12. me.

THANK YOU FOR COMING

hello, lola. first let me start by saying here is a different vampire ranking without a definition of best, just vibes (you create one vampire au and suddenly this is your whole life). I am not rereading it though, so no promises that I'm not about to contradict myself

I appreciate how hard you worked on asking this, so I hope you appreciate how hard I worked on answering it

Least want to befriend to most want to befriend:

damon - he seems like a walking red flag, he really does

2. dakota fanning - I respect a girlboss but I do think she would kill me after one wrong move. would constantly have a tummy ache, stressed to the max.

3. spike - I have never seen buffy, but google tells me he was a villain. have to play it safe here

4. bella - I'm so sorry bella but I think you would annoy me

5. blade - I really tried looking him up to give an honest friend ranking, but there were so many version?? is it a comic? a movie? a tv show? idk I got confused therefore he defaults to the middle of the list

6. laurent - one of the nicer members of his little posse (unlike that bitch james). might try to kill me but a good sob story would probably get me out of it

7. count dracula - i just read his backstory. that's so tragic, I think he could use a friend

8. carlisle - turning a bunch of teenagers into vampires when they were on their death bed is a little odd, but he had good intentions. and now look at the house he provides for them like I'll move in no questions asked

9. stefan - admittedly have only seen a few seasons of tvd, but he seems to have some kind of morals so that's always a good place to start for a friendship

10. eric - "calculating yet loyal and generally willing to absolve those that aggravate him, unless they have grievously crossed him. However, he is fiercely vindictive towards anyone who harms or threatens those he loves". thank you, trueblood.fandom.com. If I'm befriending all of these vampires, making him a top priority seems like a good choice

11. count von count - he has a cat. I'm using him and abusing our friendship for that. sorry count

12. lola - who shouldn't (?) be on this list (unless you have a secret to tell)

okay hotness below the cut because this is already too long

Least hot to most hot

1. dakota fanning (jane) - default to last because she is a child lmao

2. count von count - he is a cartoon (puppet? I don't know). I feel like there is only one right answer here and it is to put him in the second least hot position (unless that's your thing. you do you)

3. damon - this man creeps me out. I don't know if it's the eyes or what but again, bad vibes. stay away from her (elena), old man!

4. count dracula - willy wonka looking vampire. sorry to your older gentleman crush. you can keep him

5. eric northman - I do not know this man but he is giving 'just some guy' with a little bit of finance bro

6. bella - one too many awkward smiles while tucks her hair behind her ear moments, you know?

7. spike - cheek bones are cheek boning. some may say too much though. hair is giving 90s boy band. although for his time I can excuse it

8. carlisle cullen - not the biggest dilf in twilight, but an important one

9. laurent - unfortunate that you didn't pick the picture where he rolls up with his jacket undone and no shirt underneath. what an entrance. he also gets hotness points because laurent is a very good vampire name

10. stefan salvatore - the objectively better brother based on my limited knowledge. good picture. love a henley moment. look at those forearms.

11. blade - I don't know this man, but I would like to.

*you can't be ranked on the hotness scale because you did not provide a picture. sorry ;)

#ask

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