do you think pete desperately wants others to believe that he’s worked with blackbeard because he feels like he needs to compensate with the rest of himself? 

he’s probably come to terms with his sexuality at that point knowing full and well he’ll get judged by it, maybe even been bullied all of his life by the people around him for the way he speaks, and hanging onto that one thing that might help him stand out and earn other people’s respect which he’s so desperate to get is just so important to him. 

and we see it less and less when he starts to develop a relationship with lucius. there’s no more pretending to be the biggest guy, there’s no fake bravado that he’s putting up with lucius (bc lucius is the smartest man aboard the ship, there’s no fooling him and even pete knows that) and yet even when he’s himself, and he allows himself to be soft and open, lucius doesn’t back away from him and pete must’ve felt so f*cking free after all that time. like he’s finally able to breathe.

the blackbeard admiration is still there, obviously, he’s idolized this man that he’s been told stories about for years and that doesn’t suddenly go away, but he slowly stops pretending because he finally found someone that doesn’t look down on him or sees him as a lesser person. he finally found someone that loves all of him. and i think that’s pretty damn neat.