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mcmuppet · 5 months

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i'm a snow girlie

and this photo is DOING THINGS to me

#shouts to pietra for providing CONTENT of her boyfriend's boyfriend #oh look thirsting over lando again #whats new #it's not my fault he's the hottest person on the planet #i love him so much #lando i'll go skiing with you #teach him how to ski #cuddle in front of the fire after #get on my kn [gunshots]#wowee #lando norris #winter break 2023

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occasionaltouhou · 8 months

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regular touhou #34: tsukasa's learning about the classics.

#touhou #sanae kochiya #tsukasa kudamaki #oil fire #occasional art #non-occasional touhou #i tried to do a pose in this and idk if it went well but that's fine.#i feel like enough of my vision is maintained that like. you get what i was going for #i had a lot of ideas for this actually (mostly based on other posts) but this was my favourite.#sorry if the couch looks weird. as if it's my fault

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luck-of-the-drawings · 7 months

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FOR A BEAT OF HEART, THE BREATH IS SHOT. AND WITHIN A BREATH, THE HEART IS CAUGHT. THE PIPES ARE BURSTING, UNDER GREAT STRESS, BOLTS TORN ASUNDER, MAKING A MESS. A FINAL COUGH, A FINAL RETCH, A GOREY SLOUGH, CLAIMED BY WRETCH.

#cw gore #jrwi riptide #jrwi riptide spoilers #chip jrwi #jrwi fanart #jrwi show #I LLOOOVE POETRYYY I LOVE MAKING WORDS RHYME IN STRANGE WAYS AND DESCRIBING VISCERA AND VIOLENCE OR WAHTEVER. YKNOW WHAT ELSE I LOVE #CHHHIIIIIIIBBOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL MAAANN WWHAT. WHAT HAPPENED. OH MY GOD. IVE BEEN SAYING FOREVER. I NEEED CHIP TO GET SCARIER.#HE HAS THE POTENTIAL! I KNOW HE DOES! HAUNTED BOY WITH THE HAUNTED EYES WHAT TRAUMAS HAVE YOU SEEN? AND WERE THEY YOUR FAULT? THINK ABOUT I #EVERY FAMILY HAS CRUMBLED AROUND HIM. HIS BIRTH FAMILY CRUMBLED BEFORE HE KNEW IT. HIS SECOND FAMILY DROWNED. THIRD BURNED TO THE GROUND #AND SHALL THIS NEXT FAMILY JOIN THEM? CHIIIIP YOU UNFORTUNATE BOY YOU HAVE WITNESSED SO MUCH CALAMITY #YOU ARE CALAMITY BOYYY AHAHAHAHA DONT YOU SEEE!! ZOMBIFIED AND DEAD. TRUELY MORE HAUNTED THAN EVER BEFORE. THIS WILL BE FUN #THE FIRE HURTS WHEN IT BURNS TOO LONG. BUT NOW YOUR NERVES ARE DEAD AND YOUR MIND IS FREE. BURN THIS CORPSE AS YOU WISH TO GET WHAT YOU WAN #CHIP IS NOT THE FIRE HE IS THE MATCH. I LOVE THAT IDEA SO MUCH IM SO PROUD OF IT. OHHH AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE CORRUPTION #bizly mentioned that chip wants to be a good captain. in his most corrupted state however. he would be the BEST captain..#thAT DOESNT MEAn hes gonna just suddenly be all controlling. the BEST captain keeps his crew safe. keeps them together. keeps them alive.#and chip is doing just that! he doesnt need to stop being a good captain just bc of the corruption! he just needs to be the BEST CAPTAIN #AND THATS SUBJECTIVE BABY!! im so excited to see where chips zombie arc goes. neeeed him to get scarier and just a little more fucked up.#neEED HIM TO PERFORM ABHORANT ACTIONS THAT HAVE JAY N GILL GOING ' dude woah what the fuck...'#RIGHT I SHOULD TALK ABT MY ART TOO. this one took TOO LONGGGstarted out witha sketch how did it end up like this...#the heart and the blood KILLED ME. LOOK AT MY RENDERING LIKE HWAAATT #better not see any more mistakes after i post this.... i cant fight withit anymore....STILL RLY PROUD THO..#I WAnted to make it visually LOOK like the grossest vomiting sound possible #i want it to make your throat feel uncomfortable. am i achieving that? i hope i am. thats tubes dude!!! like cmahn!

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lunarharp · 2 months

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things..things i tell ya

#witch hat tag #orufrey #i'm drawing a lot bc i am kind of obsessed like more even than usual atm. yesterday my head was on fire about stuff. STAR AND TREE!!!!!!#i am going to make a "star and the silver maiden' based thing...theres so much.. there's an ambitiously long comic i want to do atm too #Lord save me........(lord beldaruit) there is a sort of unspoken backlog/queue system in my mind #i rarely write the ideas down..if it gets forgotten..it better not have been qifrey's fault im doing this all for you

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aesopsbaby · 2 months

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I'm not saying I wanna lick the blood off Derek's wound.

...nevermind. that's exactly what I'm saying.

#AesopeChats #Hes such a bastard #hes an ass #I love him #Need him to punch me and kick me down and tell me that he's doing me a favor by keeping me #is that too much to ask for #Derek Goffard #TPOF #I keep getting pulled back into this fandom and its all Derek's fault!!!#WHY IS HIS STUPID SMIRK MY WEAKNESS #DEREK PLEASEEEE ONE CHANCE #I CAN BE ON MY KNEES FOR AS LONG AS YOU WANT #I'll beg and set my self on fire if he wants me to

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jacksprostate · 4 months

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Before Project Mayhem, before fight club, before Marla, before Tyler — there is still one sad sack of shit.

.

The hard part about work trips isn't making the plane or seeing another family of five burnt into their leather seats. It's missing support groups.

See, if you're lucky, the company will send you out to a major city. Cities are great. A little advanced work to find a slightly below average church or library, you're set each night you're there.

It's a bit of novelty, getting to be a new face all at once. People assume you've just been diagnosed. It's never the failed treatments, the degradation of their life and everyone in it, the continuous experience of knowingly dying — none of those things are the worst thing that happens to you.

It's finding out they will.

So people cry. They crowd around, I sob like I've been told I've got stage four colon cancer and three weeks to live. We all cry. I sleep soundly on the plane back or in the nice, four star hotel my company provides me.

Flying out to a small town, though. I'll be awake enough to be hallucinating by the time I get back for Remaining Men Together. The only mercy is that the next time I show for all the groups I missed, I can see who thought I died. I get to be resurrected.

The other part about small towns, you have to take a second, shitter plane to a local airfield, or you have to take a rental car. One of the most popular rental cars available right now, it'll light itself on fire if you use the cruise control at the wrong time. I know this because I sat next to another guy with my job, who worked for a different company, and he said I'll show you mine if you show me yours. So I told him about the faulty airbags, and he told me about the overheating switch.

I prefer to avoid driving.

All the rental place at the airport has left for me, it's one of those flaming cars. I use cruise control. If I don't, one of my narcoleptic spells will send me into the Jersey barrier.

When you drive into these small towns, you have to try to pay attention, or you'll end up a county over talking about the wrong wreck. They're otherwise interchangeable, but the miles on your rental car won't line up and those are the type of records that might get pulled out when the company is finally sued for the big one ten years down the line.

As a result, I see the same decor on the way in every time. Meth lab. Abandoned homes. Garbage fire. Classic Americana. There is no four star hotel here; I sleep the same.

The only reason I've been brought out here is because the poor shithead who drove his truck into the ditch drunk was driving my company's flagship vehicle. It loses power steering if the car jostles the right way going above 55 miles per hour. I've been told to keep track of potential incidents and make sure the company can firmly claim it's not at fault.

We've had this problem for decades, and we will for many more. Sometimes, everything is falling apart.

The job is simple, and I only get tempted by the town's blatant opioid addiction for a day and night. Painkillers would probably make me sleep. The thing about being a recall campaign organizer, though, is like recognizes like. It's not only other Compliance and Liability guys who tell you company secrets while sharing the aisle in business class.

When I'm finally back in my own town, after my own support groups, after crying my eyes out into Bob's meaty middle — I pick up my mail. There's the newest IKEA magazine. Half of it looks like shit. The type of thing you'd only see in some curated art deco, modernist, post-modern traditionalist bohemian minimalist apartment.

I have to have it.

I go to sleep, hard, like God himself tucked me in. I sleep with my wallet net four hundred heavier, because even an IKEA spree tends not to outweigh a work trip. I sleep, with my called in IKEA goods only two short weeks away, my job well done, and I know, my life is complete.

#fight club #my writing #KEY INFO: this is Before Tyler #bit experimental as a result. how to peel away some of the narratorisms but have him still be the narrator? how to make him complacent #like a wisconsin dairy cow but still have undertones of extreme conscious and subconscious distress?#all car faults mentioned are real #ford had an overheating cruise control switch #and some other overheating fire switches #and jeep. i know because i knew a guy with a jeep — they randomly lose pwoer steering sometimes #horrific and scary and potentially deadly in any car — but jeeps have this known and bizzarely widely accepted flaw called the death wobble #which refers to the oscillations that rapidly feed on each other if the car is slightly out of tune #and can result in tearing the steering wheel from your hands #until you slow down #for some reason that's just accepted.#theres a lot of jeep propaganda #anyway you combine those two #you get the picture #i dont doubt theres been incidents even if there hasnt been major recalls lol #i hope this one comes across well... it's always strange to explore an almost hypothetical version of a character. the narrator where Tyler #is just a growing little menace in his head....#I think what made this one fun for me though is the narrator would still be pretty openly bleak I think but the SUBCONSCIOUS stuff.#especially all the stuff I implied at the end. very fun to write #and it was also just fun to lay down the like.... seeds. of things #this is before Tyler in the sense that it's before he was well cooked. Before they met. Etc. Pretty early into the support groups. But yk #he is sleeping.

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carefulfears · 8 months

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very hung up on the first thing that mulder says about phoebe being "she was brilliant. i got in over my head. and, uh, paid the price."

#watching little sweet baby scully 3 months into her new job and new partnership #be appalled at her new cute work partner's mean ex-girlfriend #feeling like walter white screaming from his car trying to warn of danger approaching #dana!!! children weaned on poison consider harm a comfort!!!!#it gets so much worse!!!!#precursors to 5 years later and scully crying in her car telling mulder to just meet her at work because diana's with him #and she couldn't even walk in #'i got in over my head'#mr. black hole at the center of the universe #everything is his fault. everything is his failing.#even in that 'fire' scene where he says that he's just gonna help phoebe with ONE thing 'and then she's on her own'#and scully is instantly like uh huhhhh i don't see that happening #walter white screaming etc etc #txf.txt #fire #it just makes me so ill how that 1 week with phoebe signals exactly how the year they spend with diana will go. and scully has no idea.#she's only known him a few months. she just wants to help. she just wants people to be kind to him.#and then you blink and it's 5 years later and phoebe was 'brilliant' and diana is irreproachable and scully is 'making things personal'

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padfootastic · 7 months

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Remus: You need to stay in the castle, where it’s safe from Sirius Black

Hogwarts: *had Voldemort living on the back of a teacher’s head without anyone’s knowledge, once sent 11 year olds into the Murder Forest with only a dog for protection, had a giant murder snake roaming the school for months, Harry’s best friend was petrified and only avoided death because she realized what the monster was, had a teacher attempt to memory wipe two students, had a secret murder chamber for centuries, and Sirius had broken in to the school before*

Like, Remus, where is this alleged safety inside the school???? Page not found

remus is epitome of ‘mouth running w/o knowing anything’ bc he just,,,,keeps saying shit,,,,,without any knowledge

also it’s funny because. sirius literally got into the school too lol AND WHAT MAKES IT WORSE—AND THIS IS JUST HITTING ME—IS REMUS WOUKD FUCKING KNOW THAT. HE WOULD KNOW HOW SIRIUS IS GETTING IN BECAUSE HE NEVER BOTHERED TO TELL DUMBLEDORE ANYTHIGN DID HE?

not the animagus thing. not the secret passageways, literally nothing. and then he has the audacity to pretend like the castle is safe and sirius black can’t touch harry there (where he literally got into his dorm!!! was right beside him!!) he also has the utter gall to tell harry he’s disrespecting his parent’s sacrifice jesus christ what a flaming trash can of a wizard

#sirius black #also did he say this before or after sirius broke in?#before i think right?#it wouldn’t have worked otherwise #it’s like. remus. u really wanna talk about disrespecting jily’s sacrifice?#YOU? *really?*#what a joke #now i am all fired up smh #how does this one character get my blood boiling like this bruh #i’ve complained so much im all bitched out #and yet here i an #anyway. remus is the rotten fruit that keeps on giving bc the more u think about him the more he fucked up #so ykno. it’s not my fault #pen’s asks

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talos-stims · 10 months

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burning an old cabinet | my video, link back here if using

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joleneghoul · 12 days

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So awesome that since im 1 of the only employees at the studio i dont get any disability rights in my state. So awesome actually. (Sarcasm)

#i got in trouble for getting covid at the start of the year despite it being their fault for their policies and antivax friends :-P #now i can only miss 3 days a year. a year. so cool.#mad bc i do like my job but my disability probably gonna get me fired eventually LOL

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sleepfight · 4 months

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Soooo funny watching bg3 fans speedrun all the same dogshit discourse dragon age fans have been tearing eachother to pieces over for a decade

#accusations of being a rape/abuse apologist for not liking astarion. lol. lmao even.#i was forged in the fires of being ambivalent about fenris and cullen you cannot kill me in a way that matters #fandom wank #my own fault for still being on twitter tbh #going to the circus and getting mad about clowns etc etc

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tenok · 14 days

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#I want complaine not only about bad takes in this fandom but also about theories that just!! so!! stupid!! but also I'm a good person that #doesn't shit on other people's fun #so I mostly suffer in silence #and block people in bunches #'you see! this theory absolutely doesn't take agency from character and doesn't minimize emotional impact!'#says person about theory that roughly summariasized as 'Crowley AGAIN knows more than Aziraphale and it's all so SAD because if only #Aziraphale knew he wouldn't make this desicion!'#I want to scream #somehow it also never about what kind of monster Crowley would be to willingly hide memories Aziraphale supposedly erised and never gave it #back in whole four years they had before season two #like. maybe not be a cowards and embrace 'I was a pussy and somehow didn't get a courage to RESTORE MY FRIEND'S MEMORY with some kind of #VITAL INFORMATION that could've IMPACT HIS LIFE OR DEAT DESICIONS #and now he's in place where he could be abused erased or killed and IT'S MY FAULT' angle hmmm?#at least it could've made it interesting #but noooo #also how the fuck them kissing in 1941 should've impact Aziraphale's desicion anyway I can't get logic behind this theories #(the angle with 'memories are not about some stupid kiss but about what Crowley saw in heavens' could've work but like first: Crowley didn'#saw anything Aziraphale won't hear from Metatron in next scene or can extrapolate using base logic #and anyway if Crowley wanted to use it as argument he like. should've start with it and not with 'blah blah you're an idiot we should run #from earth'#AT BEST I could've get behind him giving Aziraphale some kind of weapon or possibility of safe out or like. hell's fire to self destruct as #last resort. but memories? and especially Aziraphale's memories??)#anyway yes it's me being a hater. I just have no place to vent about it but I sure hope that no one that likes this theories will see it.#you do you!!! but I hate it so much!!!

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letmetellyouaboutmyfeels · 1 year

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Having now watched Bridgerton after resisting for years, all I can say is, if Anthony was my sibling and pulled that season two mess after all the trouble he caused me in my love life in season one...

*hands Daphne a knife and gets the hell out of her way*

#personal #I love when my men are messy and pathetic disasters #so it's not that I dislike Anthony at all #he's a sopping wet alley cat you find in the dumpster and I love it #but literally dude the fact that Daphne did not grab the nearest sharp object and stab you...#when he's like man I wish your husband was here to keep you in line BRO #you would have had to HOLD ME BACK #YOU DRAGGED MY HUSBAND'S ASS INTO A DUEL AND THEN NEARLY SHOT ME!!!!#IT'S YOUR FAULT I HAD TO FAKE DATE THE GUY IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!#I'M ABOUT TO FIRE SOME WARNING SHOTS AT *YOUR* HEAD #my siblings know better than to pull that nonsense they know they wouldn't live to see the sunrise #I'm sorry it's been DAYS I just cannot get over this #Lady Bridgerton's like yeah so sad Daphne had to leave because her kid had a cough DON'T LIE VIOLET #SHE LEFT BECAUSE THE OTHER OPTION WAS MURDER!!!#we all know how they got their second kid in Queen Charlotte #Daphne was like either I get a bunch of orgasms or I kill my brother #'aww you guys are pregnant again!' 'yeah it was sex marathon or fratricide' 'what?' 'don't worry about it'#Anthony if you think Simon 'I Fell In Love With Daphne Because of Her Scheming' Bassett #would do anything other than get the hell out of her way #you are SORELY mistaken #anyway don't ask me my overall opinions about the show or we'll be here all day but that one bit is just. haunting me. as a sibling.

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quirkle2 · 2 years

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random twilight headcanons cuz i secretly adore him

primary weapon is a crossbow. fuck you

he's a Big guy. large silhouette. very broad shoulders. he's absolutely terrifying and WILL give u hugs /threat

he does not scold wild for being """crazy""" change my mind. Yes he worries, that is just his nature and Yes i think he mother hens him a bit when he's injured but if he sees wild windbombing himself across a 165916569135917ft drop just to gather a durian he's gonna think back to that time he set a goddamn bomb storage building on fire trying to catch a bug and he's not gonna be able to say Shit

his right middle finger is chopped off at the first joint. sometimes he tries to flip the others off lovingly with that hand but it never works and they cannot help but wheeze at the realization on his face when he stares at his nonexistent finger (he thinks it's funny too dw)

twilight does not have a shadow. this is a regular topic of discussion for the chain during dinner and they are consistently mystified

i believe there's been fics of this but i think it'd be nice for four to cut through that shackle around wolfie's leg. freedom.................... also i don't think injuries would usually carry over to one form or another but if it's a bad enough or Long-term wound that's constantly being reopened/prevented from healing, i think it would . perhaps there is a ring around twi's wrist that's scabbed over

big fan of twi and wars Being Buds. they r bothersome brothers who Will fight each other for sport but also hug and infodump to each other and roughhouse obnoxiously. wars may be like 24 and twi like 19 in my eyes but that doesn't mean they are past the stage of rolling around in the grass and trying to kill each other (affectionately very affectionately)

the markings on his face glow in the dark in hylian form! he also has the markings on his sides too; the strangely shaped ones on each side of his wolf form, in roughly the same places

can make a fuckin MEAN beef stew and absolutely nothing else

he loves to swim in nearby rivers in his wolf form and then purposefully shake himself off near the others. he takes great pride in their assorted panicked AW NO's and mournful goddammit's

^ if he's feeling particularly mischievous he will lie across someone's lap when he's still wet. woe, wet dog smell be upon ye

lastly his sense of humor is that of a very wholesome and innocent uncle and u cannot take that away from me

#qktalks #qkhcs #lu twilight #actually i think the bomb fire was the bugs' fault but . im blaming twilight anyway VGIEAYGVA #tw limb loss #????? for the finger #his beef stew is better than wild's actually #so wild lets him take over when they have beef stew. and wild gets to learn how to make twi's version :)#twi and wars have that in common. they can both only make one specific dish and no other meals of theirs r edible #twi: beef stew. wars: butter noodles.#i don't think it's very hard to make butter noodles but im still giving wars points for it #this is unrelated but i had a random fuckin Name pop into my head for no fuckin reason a while back and it was TwiLight Yagami.#do with that what u will

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vogelmeister · 1 day

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been feeling mixed on some of my friends recently

#i love them but im gonna explain #i don’t want this to boil over like the twins did #but one of my friends i feel so cast off sometimes #i get it bc shes full time adult job employed now #in healthcare no less #but im just getting fully annoyed at her lack of availability and it makes me sad #im getting even sadder actually bc she also always seems to have time to hang with her uni friends whuch hurts #like im like okay i know you have this from 6-7 so how about we meet for dinner at 7:30 bc i wanna see you casually and she says no #and i think i really need to talk to her bc it makes me sad and then i feel slapped in the face #even on nights out we always have to go home early. which my friend basically said:#i think in future if you wanna go home you can but others shouldn’t have to too #bc my other friend got so sad she was forced to come back early and i was like yea i would have liked to have sat at manly with yall #bc i feel we don’t do this any more #i honestly think it’s better to just let her figure it out and go #i don’t want me to sweep so much shit under the rug until i despise her #bc i know this isn’t her fault i just wish she would let loose or make an effort #my other situation is my childhood best friend #i love her a lot she’s amazing. but but but. sometimes i feel she can be too protective of me.#it comes from a place of knowing me for so long #and i do trust her opinions on people who i surround myself with bc she fucking hated those twins #but sometimes i feel she has been treating me differently since my neurodivergence diagnosis #even with a certain high school friend she held this dislike even when i said she was not like the twins #bc she was hanging out with the twins at the 21st #like this girl was also having her issues with the twins and was the person in the firing line of the breakup #even when i was in nl she was so worried about me and its nice to have her have my back #bc after that guy kissed me directly on the lips she suddenly became concerned about ppl taking advantage of me #and its like to me great she cares but also i did in fact learn from it #but she gets super defensive when ppl take advantage of me and i just wanna her to step back #i just feel sometimes i don’t need her feeling like she needs to protect me or that i need to hang neurodivergence up like a flag #idk its a lot. thank u for listening

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thebluestbluewords · 10 months

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More of the body swap fic I’m not writing:

(part one here)

Oh, evil. Mal's in Jay's body, Jay's in Evie's body, Evie's in Carlos's body, which means that Carlos is currently piloting Mal's body.

"Where did you let Carlos take my body?"

Evie winces. "Just down to your locker! We just let him pick up your spellbook, which was the right thing to do, and then, um."

Oh no.

"What happened." Mal manages, around the rock of dread sitting in her throat. Teachers, explosions, an adverse magical reaction with the spellbook leading to magical explosions…there’s so many things that could have gone wrong in the time she was asleep, and so few ways to fix them while she’s stuck in the wrong body.

Evie goes to push her hair back, realizes mid-gesture that Carlos’s body doesn’t have long hair, and settles for tugging on her bangs instead. It’s the same gesture that Ben makes when he’s nervous, which is weirdly sweet to think about. It’s sort of neat that they share unconscious gestures with each other when they’re thrown out of their usual sets.

"He sort of ran into your boyfriend. I figure that we can’t really make things worse than they already are, what with the lying to him, and the magic, and the fact that you cooked up this plan to try and get us to double for you anyway, so we're just starting the doubling process a little bit early, that's all!"

No.

No no no.

Evie leans forward. "Mal? Babe? What’s wrong?”

Mal’s stomach drops like a stone. Weird. She usually feels dread in her chest, not her gut. Apparently emotional reactions are stored in the body, not the mind, or whatever they’ve swapped. "It's Friday night. Date night."

"It's fine!” Evie-as-Carlos says quickly, sitting back as her voice squeaks and cracks on the end of her words. Fascinating. Once they’re back in the correct bodies, Mal is going to have to take advantage of that. She didn't have nearly enough fun tormenting Jay while his voice was cracking, and Carlos is too good at hiding things from her to show such a potential weakness. But now that she knows the potential is there, there’s so much fun to be had in finding just the right ways to make him squeak. “Carlos knows how to go on a date, right?"

Oh, gods.

The last time Mal saw either of their boys on a date, it was with each other, in their correct bodies, and the building they were last spotted in exploded under deeply suspicious circumstances the next morning. Well after they were in the clear, of course, but early enough that Mal couldn’t very well be fucked to wake up and snoop around after them. It’s possible that living in Auradon has changed them for the better, but Mal’s seen the sort of explosives that Carlos thinks are appropriate for flirting, and unless things have changed a lot more than she’s been told, they’ll be lucky if the school is still standing in an hour.

"As me??" Mal squawks. “Really?”

Evie considers this for all of three seconds, but it’s a very active sort of consideration. Or possibly it’s just that Evie’s used to being constantly aware of what her face is doing, and any micro-expression she makes looks big on Carlos’s face. Some of them, Mal is realizing, don’t have very many facial expressions.

"Okay, maybe not,” Evie says slowly. “But they've been out there for… almost an hour at this point, and I haven't received any more texts about imminent danger, so it's probably fine."

“More?” Mal shrieks. It’s lower than expected. More of an enraged howl than a shriek of anger. Fascinating, says the part of her brain that isn’t occupied with the current issue at hand. She’ll have to try shouting more later, see what other stupid noises she can get out of Jay’s body before they swap back. “More?? And what do you mean, probably? Evie, this isn’t just some random date that you can dip out on at the end of the night and never see again. This is my boyfriend, and our friend, and he knows all of us. He’s going to realize that something isn’t right, and there’s no way he’s going to let it go. He’s been asking me for weeks if I’m ‘okay’ and if I should be ‘talking to someone’ about the ‘stress in my life’, like talking to an adult has ever made somebody less stressed about things.”

“You aren’t seeing a therapist?”

“Not you too!”

Evie goes for an exasperated look this time, which works surprisingly well. They should make a book, like one of the stupid emotional ones that the stupid school therapist had pulled out the one time Mal actually sat through a therapy session. Identifying Emotions on Your Friends, they could call it. It’d be useful, actually. A sort of reference guide for the next time she fucks up and switches their bodies around like the worst ever game of musical chairs.

“M, I thought you were already going to therapy! You have a block in your calendar every week that literally says therapy, 4pm. I’m going to regret asking this, but what are you doing during that time if you’re not, y’know, going to your court-mandated therapy appointment?”

Jay’s face is easy to set into a smile, and much harder to get into a workable sulky expression. Mal is persistent though, so she manages. “I’m throwing rocks at children.”

Don’t tell don’t tell don’t tell, she sends psychically to Jay, just in case there’s a secret body-mind connection still at play here. Don’t tell or I’ll disembowel you.

“She’s sneaking out to cause mayhem, obviously,” Jay says, letting a little half smile play at the corner of Evie’s mouth. He’s been putting the time they’ve been ignoring him to wicked use, and the expression is much more believable on Evie’s face than the first ones he tried. “C’mon, Eves. I leave therapy to go outside and hit shit all the time, it’s no big deal if Mal’s not going.”

Evie’s eyes narrow, and she tries to put her hands on her hips. Unfortunately for her, Carlos’s body is about eighty pounds soaking wet, and doesn’t have much hip for her to work with.

“Do the words court-mandated mean nothing to you?” Evie hisses, quickly crossing her arms instead in a shockingly decent recovery move. “Mal Bertha, once I’m back in my body I am going to drag you down there myself, and if you don’t cooperate I’m going to tie you up and carry you, and I’ll get Jordan to help me, so the ropes are going to be cute and glittery, and you’ll have cat hair on you the whole time.”

“Do your worst, princess,” Mal coos. It works surprisingly well in a lower register. Performatively flirty is easy in Jay’s body, which really isn’t surprising. “I’d love for you to tie me up and have your wicked way with me.”

#my fic #hello I promise y’all that I am Not Writing this #it just keeps falling out of my brain #descendants #descendants fic #this doesn’t deserve character tags tbh #but it’s rotten ot4 to be clear #they just go on dates with other people sometimes #Mal’s stalker habits are sort of a compersion thing for her #instead of getting her partner ready for a date with someone else she’s stalking them after to make sure it went well #the feelings are still positive overall never fear #Mal’s court mandated therapy is probably because she set the school on fire a couple of times #and she’s supposed to be learning how to repress her more fire-related emotions #not all of the fires were strictly her fault but she’s a great date and would never kiss and tell ;)

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